Shadowing Practice: Conversations Are Awkward Until You Ask These Questions! - Learn English Speaking with Video

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I'm going to show you how to connect with anyone, even if it feels like you have nothing in common.

I'm talking about when you're having a conversation with a co -worker and you're both stuck talking about the weather,

when you're meeting somebody new and thinking, we're just too different, or when you're at an event full of people

and you feel like you don't belong in any of the conversations.

As long as you follow this exact framework I'm about to share with you in this video, you'll never sit across from someone and think,

we've got nothing in common ever again.

This one framework is a big part of how I've been able to connect with 95 % of people

that I've met as a communication coach and a global keynote speaker.

But before I teach it to you, I need to address the biggest mistake I see people make when they're trying to find common ground.

I'll draw it out for you.

Imagine this is you, slightly taller and slightly better looking.

And this is the person that you are talking to.

Them, the other person.

You're both in the small talk phase and you secretly both are doing the exact same thing.

You're both hunting for something that you have in common.

The other person mentions fishing

and the moment they mention fishing you immediately think to yourself I've got zero interest in that I hate fishing.

So instead of digging into it you change the conversation to something

that you care about and here you go nice I'm really into

rock climbing

and now the other person's thinking to themselves rock climbing what am I a monkey? no it's not for me

and now you both have arrived at the exact same conclusion

we both have nothing in common that's how 90 % of conversations go there's surface level there's no depth

and it happens

because you're trying to find common ground in a straight line in a linear way

I like this you don't like this yes we've got nothing in common and

when someone says they like fishing

there's more to it than just the fishing component maybe they like being out in the ocean maybe they find it peaceful.

Maybe they enjoy nature.

Maybe it's because they love being self -sufficient and catching their own food.

There are so many other things that fishing can represent for the other person.

And that right there lies the secret in being able to find something in common with every single person you connect with.

The framework, it's called match.

That's exactly what you're doing.

You're trying to find the match between their world and your world.

Let's set a scene first of to work with because this happens to everybody.

So you're at work and there's this colleague of yours

that you've worked with together for the last three years

but you know literally nothing about them because you're afraid that you have nothing in common with them.

I want you to imagine for a second

that you invited them out for lunch

and you said hey we've been working together for the last three years let's have lunch together.

I'm buying.

And now you're both at lunch and you've got your sandwich

and they've got their pasta and normally at this point you'd be freaking out

but freak out no more because you're about to learn the match framework

because it's going to help you find the things you have in common with people

so you can ignite connection

so what's m let's get into it m stands for make an offer before

you ask a single question you share something about you first like this hey i'm

so glad we're finally having lunch together you know one of the reasons why i left my previous job is

because i really believe in what we do here you know helping people find their voice

and share their gifts

and shine their light into the world

it really gives me a lot of fulfillment you see now that's an offer it's small

but it does two things it lowers their guard

because you went first and it shows them the depth

that you're inviting you go shallow they're gonna go shallow you go deeper

and trust me they'll go deeper think of it like tennis

you can't have a rally until someone actually serves the damn ball.

Making an offer is you serving first.

It gives them something to swing at.

So that's M, you go first.

Now what comes next Vin?

It's okay, don't rush me, I'm getting to it.

The next one is A, which stands for ask across high yielding areas.

Here's where most people run dry.

They ask, so what do you do?

And how was your weekend and then they run out of ammo.

So I keep these five areas in life in my back pocket.

Five places that almost always reveals who somebody actually is and they all start with P.

Let's talk about P number one.

With P number one talk about the past, their childhood memories, the school they went to, what they wanted to be when they were little.

P number two.

This is the patterns that exist in their life, the habits, the good ones, and the not so good ones, and maybe even their daily routine.

P number three, their preferences.

What do they love?

What can't they stand?

What's the unpopular opinions that they have?

P number four, this is their pet peeves, the tiny little things that piss them off

and irritate them way more than they actually should p number

and p number five possibilities what do they want to try learn

or experience one day and adding a sixth because i can ask them about their preems

Yes, they're preems.

Some people do call them dreams, but that's for pluzers.

So I mean it.

What do they preem about?

Ask them.

And if you wanna share, maybe you could even share one of your preems.

Don't march through all six of these questions in six of these areas like a checklist.

You reach for whichever one fits into the conversation you're having.

Now these six areas, they do one job.

They move the conversation from small talk into a conversation that has way more substance.

Let's resume the example.

Watch what happens.

It really gives me a lot of fulfillment.

Yeah, that's great, man.

I also believe in what Vin's doing here.

And ever since I was young, I also really struggled with my communication.

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And I think that's one of the reasons why I love being here and helping others improve this skill.

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Man, that's awesome.

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Tell me, what was it like growing up not being able to communicate properly with people?

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Now, the next part of the framework, T.

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T stands for track the echo.

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As they answer, you're doing one thing you're listening for the echo which is what Vin?

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An echo is all the other things that the experience that they shared could symbolize.

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Remember the fishing example right at the beginning of the video?

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Fishing isn't just fishing it could mean connecting with nature, solitude, self -sufficiency, so many things.

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That's what you're listening out for here.

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Can you see how this makes it easier for you to find something that you both might have in common?

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So when you're listening to someone share about an experience, expand the way you think about what they're saying.

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Think about the emotion behind the action that they're taking.

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Think about the value that they're trying to live out.

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Think about the motivation behind the action.

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It's not just the experience itself because while you don't fish, you might love nature.

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Boom, you've got something in common.

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Now, instead of just using the fishing example,

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let's go back to the situation we've been playing out throughout this entire video between person A and person B.

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And if you remember person B said

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that they weren't able to really communicate well when they were young

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and maybe as person A they didn't have trouble communicating

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but what else would the person who couldn't communicate when they were younger be feeling in that experience?

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They might have felt lonely, isolated, frustrated, misunderstood, heck maybe even invisible.

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So now instead of thinking to yourself did I struggle to communicate

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when I was young as being the only thing that connects you both, now you're thinking, have I felt lonely before?

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Have I ever felt isolated?

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Have I ever felt frustrated or misunderstood or maybe even invisible?

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Chances are you have.

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Because in everything that people say, there's always layers to what they're saying.

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And that's the unlock.

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Common ground isn't only, oh, that's happened to me too.

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Half the time it's, hey, I felt something exactly the same for a totally different reason.

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The moment you realize that, the number of people you can connect to now goes through the roof

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and let's resume the example tell me what was it like

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growing up not being able to communicate properly with people yeah i felt really confused

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and annoyed and it felt like sometimes i didn't exist because no one noticed me and they couldn't understand me

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i actually really hated primary school do you see

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that the moment you start to listen out for the echoes you'll be able to find connections with people

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so much easier but if you're thinking to yourself this sounds great Vin

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but I still freeze in the moment and I don't know what to say

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when I'm with people I get it that's why communication frameworks like this exist

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and it's why they help you structure your thinking before you speak

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so that when you do speak your words aren't jumbled up

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and you don't end up rambling and

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if you want to be able to learn the best frameworks to use

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when the spotlight is on you especially at work then make sure

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you check out my free two -hour training it will give you more structure for what to say

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and how to say it and how to feel more confident while doing it.

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The link is below in the description or you can scan the QR code.

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Okay now that you've heard the echo here's what you do next.

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C which is clarify the echo.

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Here's where you dig another layer deeper.

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Once you recognize and hear an echo you zoom into it.

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Most people stop at the surface level connection.

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Oh I've been invisible in my life too and then that's it.

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The magic is in the detail.

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So you ask some clarifying questions like this.

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I actually really hated primary school.

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How did being invisible impact you through your school years?

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I mean what did you learn from it?

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How did you break out of it?

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You know I actually moved schools five times

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and at the time it felt like the worst thing that could have happened to me

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but the silver lining was that every time I went to a new school I had the opportunity to reinvent myself.

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And the version of me that you see now, I've had to reinvent nearly five times.

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Wow.

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You see what's happening here?

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You are well and truly out of small talk -ville.

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You're starting to connect on a deeper level now.

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And to the final part of the framework, the H, which stands for highlight.

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that match out loud and share your experience like this.

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Wow, that's wild.

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You know, I never moved schools five times like you did, but I've actually changed my job three times in the last five years.

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And you're right, sometimes people think a certain way about you.

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They have this mold of who you should be and who they think you are.

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And then it's really hard to break out of it.

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But changing jobs and changing environments for me, like you've changed schools,

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it's helped me have a fresh start each time where people have no preconceived ideas of who I was,

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which allowed me to then step into a version of me that's sitting across from you right now.

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Man, it's crazy.

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Been through different things, but it's similar at the same time.

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Man, I never thought about it that way.

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We actually have quite a bit in common.

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You want some?

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Yeah, dude, I love some.

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Oh, so good.

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I love pasta.

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How powerful was that?

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Match is the difference between a nice chat and an actual deep connection.

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And if you want to learn more about communication frameworks like this, make sure you check out my free two -hour training

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that I mentioned before where I teach you the frameworks to speak with more clarity, structure, and confidence in high -pressure situations.

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The link is in the description.

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I'll see you in the next one.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This speaking lesson is built on the video “Conversations Are Awkward Until You Ask These Questions!”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: common, framework, fishing. This video has 193 sentences and 2165 words to shadow. The speech runs for 11:07. The speaker talks fast, about 195 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
framework noun	/ˈfɹeɪm.wɜːk/	A support structure comprising joined parts or conglomerated particles and intervening open spaces of similar or larger size.
connect verb	/kəˈnɛkt/	To join (to another object): to attach, or to be intended to attach or capable of attaching, to another object.
echo noun	/ˈɛk.oʊ/	A reflected sound that is heard again by its initial observer.
communicate verb	/kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/	To impart or transmit (information or knowledge) to someone; to make known, to tell.
invisible adjective	/ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/	Unable to be seen; out of sight; not visible.
layer noun	/ˈleɪ̯ɚ/	A single thickness of some material covering a surface.
invite verb	/ɪnˈvaɪt/	To ask for the presence or participation of someone or something.
lonely adjective	/ˈloʊnli/	Unhappy due to feeling isolated from contact with other people.
climb verb	/ˈklaɪ̯m/	To traverse a slope or contour, either upwards (ascending) or downwards (descending).
resume verb	/ˈɹɛz.ə.meɪ/	To start (something) again that has been stopped or paused from the point at which it was stopped or paused; continue, carry on.
shallow adjective	/ˈʃæloʊ/	Having little depth; significantly less deep than wide.
pasta noun	/ˈpɑ.stə/	Dough made from wheat and water and sometimes mixed with egg and formed into various shapes; often sold in dried form and typically boiled for eating.
clarify verb	/ˈklæɹ.ɪ.faɪ/	To make or become clear or bright by freeing from impurities or turbidity.
isolate verb	/ˈaɪ.sə.leɪt/	To set apart or cut off from others.
pocket noun	/ˈpɑ.kɪt/	A bag stitched to an item of clothing, used for carrying small items.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
check out verb	To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.).
grow up verb	To mature and become an adult.
end up verb	To bring to a conclusion.
go back to verb	To stem from; to originate in.
go through verb	To travel from one end of something to the other.
live out verb	To not reside on the premises of one's employer (used especially of domestic staff such as nannies, cooks, maids, etc.)
play out verb	To play (a game etc.) to its conclusion.

Sentences worth repeating

Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:

They ask, so what do you do?
Have I ever felt isolated?
I mean what did you learn from it?
How did you break out of it?
You see what's happening here?

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on	we've been working · we've been playing
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	I've been · I've met · have arrived
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	echo which is · person who couldn

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 81 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, I'm, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: shallow /ˈʃæloʊ/, rush /ɹʌʃ/, conclusion /kənˈkluːʒən/, sufficient /səˈfɪʃənt/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/
Long words — get the stress right: communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, invisible /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/, misunderstand /mɪs.ʌn.də(ɹ)ˈstænd/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like framework, connect, echo.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: Conversations Are Awkward Until You Ask These Questions! - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Sentences worth repeating

Grammar in this video

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?