Shadowing Practice: EP4: The Real Self-Love Nobody Talks About…This Will Change Your Life - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Because if you're in my face saying, yeah, I'm not going to the gym.
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Oh, well, die.
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I'm just playing.
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Like, it's so easy to take yourself for granted.
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They're still seeking attention.
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And so now it left me to carry on those burdens.
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It will be days where she had work, I wasn't working, and I would be in the house.
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Like, you can rely on yourself to make you happy.
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Welcome to Sis Be Real Podcast.
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I'm your co -host, Saria Rain.
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I'm your co -host, Kay Amari.
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And this is Sis Be Real, where we get real about everything.
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Make sure you guys subscribe to our YouTube channel.
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And don't forget to rate us five stars on Apple and Spotify.
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Hey, girls.
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Hi.
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Are you excited about today's episode?
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I am.
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I actually feel like I haven't been in here in a while.
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Yeah.
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A lot of time.
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Yeah.
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Our recording schedule has not been really on the right path.
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But today's episode is going to be about self -love, finding yourself.
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Because I feel like as a girl in their 20s, as a girl any age, honestly,
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but specifically as a girl in her 20s finding themselves being on your walk with christ
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it's kind of hard to love yourself in a world full of like content creators influencers all of
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that stuff yeah yeah i agree very much and i really love
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that we're doing this topic
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because a lot of people don't know what self -love really is
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or yeah how to do it it's not a topic
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that is talked about in the correct light i feel like
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because i feel like a lot of people think like self -love is just
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you want to get your nails done shopping little lemon no there's people
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that have all these stuff and like don't love themselves at all like they're literally struggling yeah so
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so yeah sorry what is self -love to you if you had to put it in a simple analogy yeah
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I would say self -love is loving yourself like mentally, emotionally, and physically.
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Pouring into yourself like finding hobbies for yourself, working out, really worrying about you and how you love yourself.
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Not really paying attention to the outside world because I feel like it's
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so easy to get caught up in somebody else's life.
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Which, granted, does happen, has happened to me, especially as a business owner.
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Like being young and being a business owner, but also seeing other young business owners be equally as successful as me or more successful as me.
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It's people that's 21 that bought G -Wagons.
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Like houses, 20, 23.
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So sometimes it's easy to get caught up in like the social media aspect of it.
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But self -love is really knowing who you are and your values and loving yourself while doing it.
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Yeah.
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We actually got this topic from our Patreon.
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A Real AF member had talked about wanting to do solo dating.
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So we're answering that topic for her today.
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And they're also watching us live.
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So if y 'all ever want to watch us live.
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Hey, guys.
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Join the Patriot community.
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The link is going to be in the description. So, yeah.
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Yeah.
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But self -love, I feel like it's way beyond the surface.
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Like what you're saying.
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Like just getting your nails done.
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Putting on makeup.
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That's a big thing.
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People are like, I'm putting on makeup because I love myself.
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So, yeah, I don't know.
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So I think you can do all of those things and still be unfulfilled and still not be happy.
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Just because you have your nails done, just because you have your hair done.
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It doesn't mean you love yourself.
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You love yourself.
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Like, it's within you.
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It's something that it doesn't even have to be physically shown.
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But if you love yourself within, it'll be showing on your outside.
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Right.
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And people, I feel like people that have really good discernment can tell when people aren't truly happy.
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Especially just having a conversation with somebody who's not happy.
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Like you can, you can tell, like, especially once they start opening up,
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because sometimes when they don't love themselves is due to like trauma and things that they've gone through in life.
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Because I definitely can like say like from past experiences, like even being in school, like I will be at parties,
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partying, drinking, clubbing, girl, and I'm still not happy.
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Yep.
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Like you get what I'm saying?
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I didn't even want to be in school.
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So to be around people I didn't want to be around, but putting on a faking it till I make it type of vibe.
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Yeah.
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Didn't love myself didn't love the environment that I was in yeah so
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so for you looking what do you feel like self -love is to you before
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we get deep in episode I'm curious to know what you think it is right now
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and then we can compare it at the end of the episode yeah so see
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if we change your mind yeah for me self -love is well
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I started my self -love journey back in 2023 and it was
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because I realized that I was relying on other people as sources of my happiness.
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So, I'm like, I don't like this.
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When no one has time for me, I feel like everyone hates me.
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Or, I ain't feel like that.
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Feeling like, dang, I'm nobody's priority.
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The whole time, you should be your own priority.
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So, for me, it's how...
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I don't have kids.
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I don't have kids.
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I love her.
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I love myself the way that I would love a child.
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I found myself.. starving myself like just not eating right only door dashing
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i'm not about to only be door dashing my kid food
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or i'm not about to starve my child for six hours just
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because i don't feel like getting up
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so i love myself how i would love a child of mine
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and i feel like that has shifted the way
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that i've shown love to myself if i wouldn't do this to my kid why would i do it to myself
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yeah and i feel like sometimes like
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when i was talking about like trauma sometimes it's not like something that's super traumatic
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and sometimes can be in your relationships because um
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when I first started my relationship with my partner um in
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the beginning like I would it would be days where he had work I wasn't working
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and I would be in the house at his house by myself bored girl
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I didn't have nothing to do I didn't even know my hobbies I didn't know what I liked
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because I wouldn't say my world revolved around him but I was
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so consumed in working I was so consumed in being hyper independent.
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Hustling.
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Hustling to me is not a real thing, honestly, but hey, we'll talk about that in another episode.
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Hustling, overworking myself, and just hanging out with him.
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And I thought that was the reason why I was happy.
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He was the reason why I was loving myself.
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And when you actually sit in it,
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sit in your trauma, you sit by yourself and you understand who you are and what you like to do.
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You sit there and think like, oh, I don't really like to do anything.
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I don't know what I like to do like I had to sit in it
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and I feel like that really changes you how do you feel like like your relationship
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or your past relationship has shaped the way you love yourself um originally like
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when I first started dating like more serious side well kind of um they poured a lot into me
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so a lot I feel like I don't want to say they made me that way
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Like I've been pretty spoiled in all my relationships.
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So I feel like it has made me feel like they are a reason why I'm happy
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or they keep me happy or whatever.
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And then as I got older or when I was in like my single seasons,
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I would realize I had to do a lot of that stuff for myself.
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Yeah, it was a lot of inner, like it was a lot of inner healing.
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Like, I don't know.
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It's weird.
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Like if you've ever been in that season, well, we can say isolation season.
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But if you've ever been in that season where you're literally by yourself and in your thoughts,
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that's really when you learn like the most about yourself.
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That's why I always tell people like take time by yourself.
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I'm not saying a week, a weekend, a day.
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Like I'm talking months.
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Like really sit in yourself and try to understand who you are and what like what do you like to do?
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I feel like a lot of people don't know what they like to do.
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Nope.
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And that brings us into what is self -love in action to you?
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Like, what are things they show that someone may love themselves that's not, like, the normal things that people say?
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Yeah, like getting your nails done shopping.
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I would say, like, journaling for me, definitely.
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Reading my Bible.
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Walking.
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Recently, I just started doing that, like, taking walks and going to the gym and stuff like that.
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Because in those moments where you're doing that stuff, you're literally by yourself.
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Like, I feel like doing activities by yourself
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or you're literally by yourself not like oh going to the mall you're yes you might be by yourself
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but you're surrounded around a bunch of people
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that's taking your mind off of the thing that's actually going on yeah yeah what about you
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or what have been the things that you've been like implementing to love yourself
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so self -love and action for me um back to like 2023
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when i first started
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when i was at the breaking point at the done right
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o n e yeah like i have the journal with it of all the entries around
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that time too and i read them not that long ago
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so it's really empowering to see like i've came a super long way from then
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when i didn't necessarily love myself to now right um
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but i started out with small things like healing the inner child i guess like
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that goes into trauma
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so like healing the inner child the reasons why i felt
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like i needed people to like do stuff for me
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or give me what are those things called affirmations is
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that what it's called why did you feel that way or what made you?
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What was it?
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It was childhood.
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I've been a pretty high achiever in school, academically.
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Right.
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I got praised by my parents for that.
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Like, oh, you always got good grades, but I've always talked back.
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So I was good at school.
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I got in trouble more at home.
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Yeah.
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Like opposite.
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People usually get - Yeah.
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It's like at home, but at school, I was good.
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So when it came to my relationships, I was used to them being my safe space
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that I didn't have at home
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so I would like confide in friends boyfriends mainly though um into like my problems
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and they will always be there for me
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so going into adulthood now people got jobs right none of them people had no job
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we all at home of course they could listen to my problems
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or like help me or do whatever
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but as I got older people had like bigger responsibilities and so now it left me to carry on those burdens alone.
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Mm -hmm.
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So self -regulation is more so what I had struggled with.
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I was a big co -regulator.
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like when you fix a problem together yeah now yeah now I can do it alone yeah
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and not need nobody why do you feel like um why
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do you feel like you got in trouble more at home like you think
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that was just seeking like attention because I would definitely say
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that for me like I was in trouble all the time
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like it would be times where I didn't have my phone
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in middle school for like months months at a time
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and I don't know if it was necessarily attention seeking or
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if I wanted to be considered more as just somebody
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that just got good grades right hmm i would say for me
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i have a problem with authority well not anymore
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but i did like i do not
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or did not like being told what to do yeah like
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do not tell me what to do i genuinely didn't care
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if you were my mom or my dad i wouldn't say it to them
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but in my brain
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i'm like i'm just not listening to you like you're like you didn't um do the dishes x y z
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i'd be like oh i'm sorry
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and in my head i'm like i'm still not doing
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i'm gonna do later i'm gonna do what i'm done you do the dishes yeah no literally i don't know
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and i really wonder like
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that has to be some inner healing for real like how do we get like why do we think
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that way like
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that definitely has to be something something right yeah
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i don't know do you know me neither no yeah see we need some hello hello yeah it's like
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i feel like it's a child thing i think maybe
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it's like just a child thing maybe
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i feel like it's probably like not understanding why somebody is telling you what to do as a child
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because sometimes when we have kids well i don't know i don't got no kids
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but i'm gonna say what i think i feel like sometimes
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when people have kids they unintentionally just you obviously are giving them authority
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you're telling them what to do you're disciplining them and all of that
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but do they even understand why the person
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that's telling them what to do why are you even telling them what to do from the first place
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so it's kind of like just
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because you're older than me you can tell me what to do
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so I'm going to school and these teachers are telling me what to do
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and it's just like I'm just supposed to not do nothing right
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and granted some people will say oh well
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I don't gotta explain nothing to my kids exactly you kind of do I feel like yeah
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but yeah that's where it stemmed at for me um
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but now fast forward like growing growing up and getting older
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and having real life responsibilities you realize how much deeper things are yeah like it's a blessing
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if you have someone who can come at your any call like that's a super big blessing however
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it's not always a guarantee and so that's
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when you should be able to still do things for yourself that's i feel like is self -love
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when you don't necessarily need someone to do it yeah or
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when you don't have to rely on somebody else yeah like you can rely on yourself to make you happy
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when you have those times where you're by yourself
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and you're sitting in your trauma
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or sitting in your sadness oh i don't i can't call my best friend she's at work
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or i can't call my mom because she's busy or sleep
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or something you have to know
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that you have your you have your own back yeah yeah have a unpopular well
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it might not be unpopular to us or to our audience
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but y 'all comment down below if this is unpopular to you
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or have you ever heard it before
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but discipline is ultimately a form of self -love yeah like
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if you have discipline you care about your yes I say
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that all the time um basically like you have to care enough about yourself to want to better yourself
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you have to care enough about yourself to be consistent to post on social media I always tell people
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if you're not consistent you don't care enough it's not it's not oh I don't know how to do this
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but i don't you you don't know because you don't care oh that's
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so true like i feel like
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if you cared babe we got chadgy bt we got google you would figure it out you have all
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that at your fingertips because
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when it comes to whatever
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you like insert what you like you figure a way out
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right who smoke weed a lot maybe don't have no money
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but baby they're gonna find it hello they're gonna figure out who who got
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it no got the best for the low
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and i'm saying in a lot of the things
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that we're saying we're saying this
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because we've already learned from experience not judgment yes definitely not any like we're not judging anybody
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but you don't love yourself enough to change and I know
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that probably sounds harsh but it's the truth because
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if you did love yourself enough you'll be in a better situation
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you will be where you want
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it to be you would actually be taking time to study
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to learn how to do these things to pour into yourself more
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That's why for me, like I always try to stop.
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Another thing I started doing was stop comparing myself to other people, to other business owners, like I talked about in the beginning.
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It's easy to look at people and everything else that they're doing, but God always has you right where you're supposed to be.
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Yep.
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That's a big thing too with like people who are doing fake self -love
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or they think that they're loving themselves when ultimately they're not.
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Like they're still seeking attention.
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Yeah.
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And that happens a lot in the creative world.
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Like people posting their solo dates.
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It's really not solo at that point point like
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if you've never taken a solo date yeah you were really solo
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you weren't vlogging you've never really took a solo date right
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so yeah guys like you don't have to post every single thing well
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it depends on you as a person like yeah me i know me
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and i know what kind of relationship i have with myself outside of posting
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so i'm able to do that but someone who's struggling with self -love
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or struggling with whatever you shouldn't record that thing quite yet if you're not comfortable with people talking.
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Because what happens is, honestly, you share it so much because you are not,
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you have to convince other people that you're doing it because you don't believe in it yourself.
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Just like going to the gym.
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You're posting every single day, I'm about to get in the gym, y 'all.
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I'm about to start this business.
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I'm about to start this.
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Who are you trying to convince?
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You or other people.
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Facts.
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You're trying to convince yourself.
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That's why you have to keep seeking validation.
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You have to keep seeking attention for people to be like, oh, my gosh, yes, I can't wait till you start this, babe.
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I used to be like that as a kid, bro.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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Because I started YouTube at 15 or 16 or something.
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And around that time, even before that, though, like on my Snapchat, that Snapchat, I posted every single thought that came to my brain cells.
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Like when I go through my Snapchat memories, I be like, Seria, you did not post that.
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Right.
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I would post something like, I see somebody with messed up hairstyle.
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Mind you, I wasn't the nicest person.
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So I would post, I just hate when y 'all had that one little break going like this to the side.
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I just seen it grow with that.
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And in my head, I'm like, why would you do that?
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Why would you post that?
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And it was because I wanted people's attention.
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I wanted to see that and say something and slide up and laugh.
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Like that's what that was about.
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And that's fake love.
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Yeah.
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Girl, you just posted for no reason.
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You just want to be seen.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I definitely had to learn that, especially with being a content creator and being on social media period
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because like I said it's so easy to just unintentionally start posting every single thing
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that you're doing that's another thing I've learned is to just stop that is like dial back on
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post one I don't even post when I'm somewhere at the exact time
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but you don't have to post like you get I'm saying
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if you're out with your dude you don't have to post right then in
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that that moment your bag you just bought you just dropped two thousand dollars at Louis Vuitton babe
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if you're doing that for yourself doesn't matter the world doesn't need to see nope and i'm not saying
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i don't do it yeah like but
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if you're somebody who's struggling with loving yourself maybe that's something
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you should probably wait to do another big indicator on how much
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you love yourself is your tolerance level with toxicity toxic people
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and toxic things in your life like
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if you're just hanging out with the same people
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that you know is draining your energy you're putting
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that person before you ultimately at that point yeah
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because like you should take time away
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if you love yourself not saying you just cut them off
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and leave them for dead
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but you can take time for yourself to recoup to even see
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if you want this relationship with
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that person i feel like that's a huge indicator like a lot of people stay in toxic things
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and then be screaming i love me
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what and and understand
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that it's okay to cut off family
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it's okay to stop talking to family as much
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it's okay to stop talking to your friends your your best friend close to heaven baby
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because one thing about it is at the end of the day
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when you're trying to love yourself you're the only person who's loving yourself so
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if you're around people who are draining your energy who are
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constantly negative who um just aren't really your forte anymore
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you don't love yourself you need to love yourself enough to set those boundaries
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and one thing about me i will set boundaries quick with anybody
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i don't want to talk about this i don't want to talk about this person don't bring
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it up to me that's it i i love a boundary
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because one thing about me you're not going to ruin my piece no for real
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and i'm trying to grow no facts like and then
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if they're not respecting your boundaries baby son let them go
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because that's great if you verbally tell this person hey i don't like
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when blah blah blah and they say okay
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and then they come at the next week doing the very the very same thing all right
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now they're like not loving you they don't love you they don't respect Yeah.
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And a boundary doesn't always have to be something that's physical.
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Like, for example, with me not smoking and drinking and stuff like that, my boundary wasn't I couldn't talk about it.
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Like, I just can't talk about drinking.
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It was more so I can't hang around people who smoke or excessively party and drink.
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So that's the boundary that I have set with myself.
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And do I just go up to people like, girl, we can't be friends because you drink and smoke?
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No, no, no, no. You watch what they do.
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You vet a person first before you even meet them.
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And then you set that boundary mentally.
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Sometimes you don't even have to verbally say all the time.
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But yeah, when it comes to family and friends, sometimes you do got to say, hey, let's not talk about our finances no more.
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That triggers me.
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It doesn't have to be a relationship.
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Let's not talk about this X, Y, and Z.
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I'm trying to stop gossiping.
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You're triggering me.
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Yep.
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And learning your triggers, I feel like, is important, too.
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Yeah, I agree. For sure.
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You need to know what you can and cannot tolerate.
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I was just talking about this, I think, yesterday with my friend.
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We was like, what are some absolutely nots when it comes to making new friends?
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Yeah.
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And I was like, they're subconscious.
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Because I've never really sat and thought, oh, these are my nose but
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when I was thinking about it I was just like someone who
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and this is be real don't be don't be y 'all please
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I'm supposed to be able to be real anyway um it was people go to the club
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I was just like if I see somebody that's going to the club
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and I'm saying a club goer yeah not just once in a blue moon yeah a goer um
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I've never been to the club y 'all I'm 22
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I've never been to a club for real you're lying no i'm dead serious you've been to a lounge
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yeah uh yeah
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but a club i've never been to a club sorry side conversation what's the club okay
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so i feel like a lounge is somewhere that's chill okay like you just smoking hookah
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and you're just chilling you're drinking you're vibing
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but a club is butt shaking like no people don't got no clothes on like i ain't never been to
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that type of setting okay i never been to like an og club
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Like, our parents probably went to those clubs.
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Yeah.
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But I've definitely been to, like, which strip clubs?
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Oh, I've never been to a strip club, though.
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Okay.
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So I've never experienced that in my life.
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Okay, but.
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Yeah, no. I'm actually good.
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Yeah.
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You in, like, a club with sections and stuff?
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I ain't never been there before.
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Yeah, I have.
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Really?
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Yeah, I've been to, well, would y 'all say, if y 'all live in Atlanta, would y 'all say the bank is a club?
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You been to the bank?
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Assuming not.
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No. But, yeah, it's, like, sections.
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I'm talking about the back of the bank, not the restaurant part, but the back part.
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I went there unintentionally and it was a concert with A Boogie and what's that?
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The other New York, it's another
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New York record.
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It's a girl.
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Random.
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Just caught in the middle of a club.
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It's crazy.
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Caught in a crossfire.
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But yeah, anyway.
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So yeah, that was like a boundary that was subconscious in my head.
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And then like the things people talk about, I pay attention to the like fruit of people, what they say.
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Yes.
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That's something that I really subconsciously.
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A big no for me is people who say stuff and don't do it.
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Oh yes, hypocrisy.
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Get away from it.
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Yes, hypocrites, bro.
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Hypocrites really itch a nerve that I didn't even know I had.
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And this all literally ties back into self -love because if you loved yourself enough, you would not even be a hypocrite.
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Everything that comes out of your mouth, you would literally go back and do it.
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You want to start a business, you want to do this, you want to start community,
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you want to da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da. do it.
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And that's why I'm saying pour into yourself.
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Don't just talk the talk.
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Walk the walk.
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And we're not, like you said, we're not judging.
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We've been there and done that.
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She just told me she was at the club.
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We done been there and done that.
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But yeah, hypocrites that's like the biggest turn off for me.
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It really is.
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I'm kind of thinking now, like what else?
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What else do you feel like is something in your head?
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You're like, not doing it.
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I don't know.
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I feel like hypocrites is like the biggest for you.
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Because hypocrites can go into so much.
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Not just talking, but the way you dress.
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The way they act around you.
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Like that stuff is such...
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Because it's like you don't even know yourself.
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To not know yourself to shape shift around somebody else is crazy.
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I'm sorry.
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Right, yeah.
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I cannot fake it that long.
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When I'm around you, I'm Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
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Then I'm around somebody else.
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I'm clever.
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Let's take our back.
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Yeah, that doesn't even...
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Like no, I can't.
476
Be the same. Be you.
477
Yeah.
478
And social media can really like make people become one.
479
Like people are morphing into one person.
480
People are acting the same, seeing the same things, dressing the same.
481
I'm just like...
482
The clean guy, soft girl stuff.
483
I've been seeing that too.
484
Now, yes, I do post my soft girl, clean girl content or whatever.
485
But it aligns with you.
486
Some people are doing things that genuinely don't.
487
Yeah. And that's why people...
488
And honestly, that's why I be taking myself...
489
I will have social media breaks because I be wanting to be in people's comments.
490
They be like, oh my gosh, everybody's drinking matcha for aesthetics.
491
They're drinking this.
492
They're doing Pilates for aesthetics.
493
Bro.
494
I did Pilates for a season and I'm not doing Pilates anymore.
495
However.
496
You're exploring.
497
Yes.
498
You don't have to make all these things that are happening in your life.
499
Exactly.
500
And people only do things.
501
No, not all people.
502
But people who are more in tune with themselves, they'll try something to see if they like it.
503
They're not going to keep doing something that they hate just because everyone else in the world is doing it.
504
Like me, I'm not too big on espresso.
505
Espresso is disgusting.
506
She do not order her an espresso martini, huh?
507
I don't want that, but other people do.
508
Like a lemon drop, ah, pass me the tequila.
509
I don't want vodka.
510
I'm allergic to tequila.
511
Oh, yeah.
512
Lemon drop, girl.
513
Hand me a lemon drop and an espresso martini.
514
Thank you.
515
So yeah, I feel like people should be themselves.
516
Ooh, this brings me into my next point is ...
517
First of all, let me give you a little backstory.
518
I'm a backstory queen.
519
I just did a self -care night the other night because I have an aura ring on.
520
It was telling me, like, basically, you're about to die.
521
That's basically what it said.
522
And it was like, you need to slow down in life.
523
So I was like, okay.
524
That's how you get that migraines.
525
Got to sit there.
526
So that day, I was like, oh, I'm going to go to Target
527
and I'm going to take me a bubble bath
528
because I haven't done that in any long time
529
so I had went there got all the things
530
and I was like I bought the little bath thing the little wood thing
531
that has a book thing oh yeah yeah for you to yeah read yeah
532
so I bought that and in my head I'm like y 'all know how
533
Target is once you buy it once you pick up one thing you just pick up everything
534
so I was like oh now I need a book I ain't coming in for no book
535
so I went to the book section and I got this book
536
and I don't know the name I forgot but I started reading it
537
that night and it's about self -love
538
and ultimately just like having a chill life
539
and in the beginning it starts off with what is self -love to the author
540
it's a guy it's written by a guy
541
and he was basically saying a big part of self -love
542
that people forget to mention is actually self -acceptance too yeah
543
and i was like that's so real like people bully themselves into loving themselves
544
when that's not how it is overworking yourself procrastinating yeah hyper independence yeah thinking all of
545
that is like self -love i love myself i have to do xyz
546
if you love beating i gotta do this i gotta do this girl
547
if you that's the hustle yes exactly like you're just that's ultimately gonna leave you burnt out yeah
548
so he was saying like you should accept yourself as who you are
549
but also know that you want more for yourself like me i'm addicted to sugar okay
550
but i know that it's not the best thing for me
551
and i should maybe slow down a little bit right
552
so i'm accepting me as who i am not trying to just change myself
553
because that's what it is but i do want to improve on
554
that so like you're not eating salads every day
555
because you got to stay away from sugar no no no no no you just limit yourself yes exactly
556
so self -acceptance is a big big big part of self -love what do you think yeah
557
I definitely agree I would say like for me since I have been like hyper independent
558
I'm a big to -do list girl big structure girl like big
559
I need a to -do list a calendar reminder I need alarm clocks everything I need everything
560
so what I have accepted was the fact that I love to stay organized.
561
And I feel like what helps me balance that is taking my rest days.
562
Like two days ago, y 'all, I was sick for 12 hours in the day.
563
That was a quick sickness, girl.
564
How did you get that out?
565
Girl, I don't know.
566
Rest?
567
I guess.
568
I feel like God was really like sitting us down because y 'all, the day before, what was this, Tuesday?
569
I think so.
570
Tuesday, we literally was like, okay, tomorrow we're about to go to this coffee shop.
571
We're about to handle our business we were gonna go to top golf get food all of
572
that stuff girl next day she gotta migrate
573
and i'm sick facts guys are y 'all new to sit early
574
that week that's when the or app the whole like bath situation happened like
575
and if y 'all watch me on youtube
576
if y 'all don't y 'all should subscribe
577
but i've been talking about how i've been hustling
578
and bustling i've been i've been doing everything you know i've been on my schedule on my routine following everything
579
but yes i accepted that i'm somebody who loves to stay organized
580
but at the same time i have to be able to take rest from my So that day, God was like, girl, you need to rest.
581
When I tell y 'all I woke up sneezing.
582
That's crazy.
583
My nose was stuffed.
584
I went to the gym.
585
I'm like, okay, let me go to the gym.
586
Let me do my regular routine.
587
Y 'all, I was so exhausted.
588
Like, I've had COVID before.
589
Same.
590
So I felt like I got hit by a bus trying to work out.
591
So I literally thought I was sick.
592
I was like, bro.
593
But then by the time it hit 7 p .m., I was fine.
594
That's good.
595
You listened.
596
If you didn't and you just kept pushing through, girl, you would probably be sick of the dog.
597
Right now.
598
Girl, y 'all wouldn't have had no episode.
599
No, seriously.
600
I was thinking about that.
601
I was like, what if we were ever like sick for real?
602
We wouldn't be able to film an episode and we'll have to make a post.
603
Right.
604
No. At an office.
605
Sorry, guys.
606
But yeah, that's, and it goes back into one of the episodes I said, when God says move, move.
607
When you know you're sick, when you know you need to rest, rest.
608
Somebody was just in my comments on TikTok like, oh, but I got to get this money.
609
I got to do this.
610
Child. Do it.
611
Do it if you want to.
612
And when God sets you down, you are going to hate being down.
613
Because even when I was about to be a full -time entrepreneur, I was so hesitant about starting. So hesitant. So hesitant.
614
Super hesitant.
615
I'm leaving work.
616
I got in a car accident.
617
Mind you.
618
That's crazy.
619
Right.
620
So that same day, I went viral on Twitter.
621
Probably had over a thousand people on my website at once.
622
Made.
623
Had a lot of sales.
624
A lot of sales.
625
We're going to say that.
626
But all that money I made from that day, I literally spit on my car.
627
That's crazy.
628
Why?
629
Because I didn't sit down with God.
630
I didn't sit down.
631
And that's what I've been trying to tell people.
632
That's what I've been learning for the past few years.
633
Because I've been like that too.
634
Like just got to work.
635
Got to get.
636
Yes.
637
It gets to a point where it's like.
638
yeah, you have all these things, all this money or whatever, but you're not enjoying it.
639
You can't even genuinely enjoy it.
640
Yes.
641
It just looks like this person might love themselves, but ultimately inside they're burnt out.
642
They can't even enjoy the fruits of their labor.
643
You have to pay for the car, the money you just made.
644
Like, all of it's gone.
645
Yeah.
646
That's the point.
647
Right.
648
And I feel like a lot of people, they're going to probably say like,
649
oh my gosh, but how do I feel when God's talking to me?
650
Build your relationship with him.
651
Talk to him.
652
Just like how...
653
Just like with your friends.
654
For example, you would never know if your friend's upset
655
or your friend's trying to tell you to do something if you don't talk to them.
656
Exactly.
657
You built a relationship with your friend.
658
You talk to them.
659
Just build a relationship with Christ.
660
Start learning about who he is.
661
Journal.
662
Talking to him daily.
663
Praying and stuff like that.
664
Telling him what you desire.
665
Telling him what, you know, like just doing things that just follows you, you know?
666
Yeah.
667
That's like, we should love ourselves how God loves us all like grace
668
but ultimately still wanting growth for us yes
669
and i didn't want to talk about that because
670
when i read the book when he was talking about
671
that it made me go to
672
that yeah i was like wow like god loves us even though we do
673
so many crazy things but still ultimately wants more for us
674
so you should start seeing yourself through god's lens
675
but you can only do that if you know god
676
so that's where you gotta actually like start reading your word yeah learning
677
and so yeah and it's so easy to take all of
678
that for granted like it's
679
so easy to take yourself for granted like you know like we have a whole body right
680
you can do this right now some people can blink
681
you can walk you can talk you have a job
682
that's why i literally just made a post like complaining about
683
your job complaining about your life complaining about um just anything
684
that you're going through like it's not going to be forever right
685
and you have the choice every day to change your life
686
or to stay the same and this all ties back into self -love yeah
687
if you love yourself enough
688
you will change yeah a lot of people say like i
689
can't do all of those things like someone listening right now might be like oh i can't do
690
that i still have to work i have to take care of kids all
691
this stuff yeah you can still love yourself internally
692
and your life may not reflect it like do y 'all know what joy is joy is
693
when you are joyous regardless of your situation like resilience in
694
life like even though the outside might be might you might have negative dollars in your account hello
695
but you can no you can still have joy inside
696
because ultimately you know this stuff truly doesn't matter
697
so it's like you can find other ways to love yourself
698
other ways to calm your nervous system other ways to love your kids
699
or bring food for your kids you can sacrifice certain things like you know
700
you don't need your nails done guys you don't you could paint your nails right
701
and then now you have extra money where you can actually
702
cook a meal like you can do y 'all just don't
703
be wanting to do the thing like y 'all love to not y 'all sorry
704
but some people yeah love to struggle so yeah they love to hustle
705
so much that they're okay with having their normal struggling no you don't have to
706
that doesn't have to be your norm struggling all the time nope nope
707
i have to do this i have to do this you can create a life that's softer for yourself
708
and that's why like i was watching um mel robbins podcast i forgot who was on the episode
709
but i think she dropped it a few days ago
710
but the girl she was basically saying how every single thing
711
that you do in life is a stepping stone for for where you want to be in your future
712
so even if you're working a bad job
713
or you're dealing you're hanging around people who may not have your best interest at heart um understand
714
that it's a stepping stone for your future it could be a lesson
715
it could be a blessing it could be character building whatever it is but
716
also um however you you're doing that thing
717
that you're in do it at your best ability
718
if you a custodian you sweeping the floors you better sweep the floors the best even
719
and that's all ties in again to self -love
720
when you wash your face in the morning wash your face
721
the best make up your bed like everything like yeah the way
722
you do everything the way you do anything is the way you do everything.
723
Change your mindset.
724
I get to go to work today.
725
A lot of people, something happens and they can't have the job.
726
If that was you, you would miss the job.
727
So try to be more thankful and understanding that this isn't a promise.
728
And that's like, I really feel like that's ultimately loving you
729
while also knowing that you want more just because you don't want to be at the job forever.
730
But that doesn't mean treat it like it's dirt.
731
But you never know what's going to happen with that situation.
732
Yeah, do everything with intention and do it.
733
Something that she said on the podcast was whatever you're doing right now, do it as if you're getting paid a million dollars to do it.
734
How would you do that?
735
You'd be at that job.
736
Hello?
737
You'd be at the gym.
738
If you was getting paid a million dollars to go to the gym every single day, you would show up.
739
That is so true.
740
I'm trying to start saying that.
741
Yes.
742
Billion dollars at the gym.
743
Let me go get it.
744
Billion dollars to take to walk two miles.
745
Cook this dinner.
746
And eventually, like, you'll see the progress.
747
You'll feel happier.
748
You'll get more accomplished.
749
And you'll just love yourself more, ultimately.
750
I feel like everything you do in your life is getting you closer to something.
751
It can be getting you closer to something negative or getting you closer to something good.
752
So like, if you decide to eat this Saturday, that's giving you, maybe giving you extra hour on your life.
753
Like you didn't eat it.
754
Right.
755
Or if you don't eat it now, you're going to take out 15 hours.
756
Like girl, who was eating that new pie?
757
Girl, girl.
758
And you're getting diabetes.
759
And you're getting sick up.
760
Oh my gosh.
761
It was so, y 'all, so much chocolate.
762
It was so good.
763
It was probably a hundred calories a bite.
764
No, seriously.
765
I was thinking, I'm like, it's probably a million grams of sugar.
766
They even had water.
767
you know it's that's not too sweet
768
but yes everything you do do it with intention
769
that you intentionally waking up getting your life together let's not sit in the bed for six seven hours
770
this is what i had to learn to do
771
because i would always and another thing we can take stuff for granted
772
so easily because me full -time business owner it's
773
so easy to be like oh i have a business for a reason
774
so i can sleep in for a couple extra hours yeah the same way god I gave it to you.
775
You can take it away.
776
So, oh, that's so true.
777
Yes.
778
Let's talk about selfish self -love.
779
Like a lot of people feel like they love themselves, but ultimately it's negative and it's stemmed from selfishness.
780
You know what I mean?
781
Okay.
782
Let me explain it.
783
So a lot of people be like, um, I just love myself so much.
784
I'm not going to do X, Y, and Z.
785
I'm not gonna let this i'm not gonna let i'm not gonna wash somebody's feet
786
i'm too i'm too here to be doing something so peasantly so peasantly
787
so i feel like sometimes people use self -love as an excuse to be avoidant to avoid problems
788
or talking about certain things yeah um a lot of self -love creators not a lot
789
but i've seen some self -love creators online that say like never speak to a man
790
who just something bad like something low yeah
791
and it's just like i don't really think
792
that's ultimately loving yourself at this point
793
you're just mean like you're just being rude
794
you can have compassion for this man not to say he has to be the love of your life yeah
795
but yeah you know what i mean yeah like you're almost
796
like i love myself enough not to go to walmart yeah i'm better than them like what
797
that does not mean you love yourself just
798
because you you love yourself enough not to be in an environment that you think is low class or below you,
799
that does not mean you love yourself because you're putting somebody else down.
800
How do you think that equates to each other?
801
Exactly.
802
I wanted to bring that in here because I know some people who feel like they just love themselves so, so much.
803
Had that makeup done all the time, they do this, they would never do that, never do X, Y, and Z.
804
You don't have to be like that.
805
You can be compassionate still
806
and not be a pushover like that's what I feel I feel like
807
if you can be kind
808
and standing your ground on your boundaries then you really do love yourself
809
and you care about the person you're talking to yeah
810
if you're able to love yourself
811
and love other people of all anything you ultimately love yourself um
812
so yeah do you think you can love yourself
813
if you don't take care of yourself like
814
if you don't take care of your body you're not feeding your mind
815
and stuff like that like you think that's self -love
816
because I know there's people out there that's probably like well
817
I'm not going to the gym girl i'm not i'm not doing
818
this i'm not eating healthy like do you feel like that's
819
if someone came to me to me
820
and said what you just said right now i would tell them today you don't love yourself because
821
if you're in my face saying yeah
822
i'm not going to the gym oh well die i'm just playing i'm just playing i'm just playing
823
but like oh well you know i can do for you
824
but no i feel like you can love yourself
825
and not necessarily take care of yourself in the best way yeah
826
but if you continue that
827
and you don't even try to change it then i don't think
828
you'll yeah you know what i mean yeah like i feel like me
829
so i can use me for example all day with this food like i'm struggling
830
so that it's okay we're getting salads i love myself however some seasons
831
i'm not eating the best
832
and i'll be like i know i shouldn't be doing this i'm gonna get it together I'm gonna get it together.
833
And then I'll eventually do.
834
So I don't - At least you're giving yourself grace.
835
Exactly.
836
That's where the self -acceptance of who you are comes in and like how God loves you.
837
Like, bro, we be doing, like I said, crazy stuff.
838
And for me, sugar, bro, McDonald's, a quarter pounder.
839
Bro, I used to be on that bad in college.
840
Oh, my goodness.
841
Like, it's just so convenient.
842
Quarter pounder, medium.
843
Yes, please.
844
I give me a cookie on the side
845
no in college i used to get a tote of cookies of cookies the 13 cookies
846
because it was four dollars and the one cookie was like one dollar
847
so i'm like i might as well just get a whole 13 pack yes
848
i would take the whole 13 pack and not share it i would eat like at least nine of them
849
that's bad yeah that's you hated myself like that was in college child that was a time So, yeah.
850
Girls.
851
Girls.
852
College.
853
Yeah.
854
Terrible.
855
And it's okay.
856
Like, I'm not afraid to admit.
857
That's one thing about me.
858
Yeah.
859
Over the years.
860
I have...
861
Accountability.
862
Yeah.
863
That's another thing about self -love.
864
You got to be able to take accountability for your actions.
865
Yeah, I tell people.
866
That's a big no. Actually, we're going to go back.
867
I hate people that can't take accountability because then it's like, they do no wrong.
868
Yes.
869
Like, you're just the best thing ever.
870
You can just do nothing.
871
Yeah.
872
Like, even for example, you can...
873
Go to somebody and be like, oh my gosh, I didn't like the way you responded
874
when I did this or when I accomplished this or
875
when this happened in my life and I showed it to you or brought it to you.
876
And, oh well, I was feeling this way, so this is...
877
No, let's take accountability and say, I'm sorry, I did not do this because of this.
878
Do y 'all remember the sandwich method?
879
Hello.
880
Let's bring it back.
881
Like, bro, please, y 'all, people need to understand.
882
That was something I learned on my self -love journey, too, of like me.
883
I always wanted people to validate my feelings.
884
And as everyone does, though.
885
So if you have something to say to somebody, it's always best to validate what they said first.
886
Because if you don't, they're not going to listen to you.
887
Nothing you say.
888
After that matters.
889
Yeah.
890
You didn't even say, I hear what you're saying.
891
That's the smallest sentence you can add.
892
And then you could be like, that wasn't my intention.
893
I thought X, Y, Z.
894
Now y 'all having a conversation.
895
Instead of you making it about you when they're addressing something you did to them.
896
Like, that's how they feel, ain't it?
897
Yeah.
898
do that's another thing i had to learn just
899
because you don't feel something
900
when you did something to somebody doesn't mean it didn't hurt their feeling you could have been like oh girl
901
your hair is not cute today
902
and then they're like oh well i didn't like the way you just told me
903
that or you said that to me
904
and you're like dang well i didn't think
905
you felt a way um yeah no i'm sorry for making you feel
906
that way i'll do this how would you how would you
907
like me to respond next time exactly like you know like yeah so can we give them some practical
908
things
909
that they can do in their life to start off to start off their self -love i'll go first okay
910
so a big thing for me i feel like that's small
911
and not easy but you should definitely start there is speaking more positively over yourself
912
and over things
913
that you do yeah like today I found myself in the car I had said it's always about me right
914
but I was like um
915
it's like every time
916
I try to do better in life something happens like why
917
am I having migraines every other day like why do I have all these cravings
918
when I feel like this past month I've been doing
919
so good right yeah and then
920
and then I was just that's like negative speaking I was like whenever I don't try everything's good
921
and then I was like you know what no
922
I can reframe how I'm thinking about this like who knows maybe I was extra stressed out this month
923
and now I'm just overly wanting or indulging in things
924
that I feel like is a treat
925
so I feel like you can just talk more positively about yourself
926
or like oh I gotta get up for work today versus
927
I get to get up like yeah another day right I'm
928
so glad I have a job I'm so glad I'm breathing breathing hello yeah
929
Opening your eyes.
930
I would say a tip that you guys can take to just start your self -love journey is,
931
I would say, figure out what you want to accomplish or what you want to add to your life.
932
It's like if you want to start going to the gym, you want to start reading more,
933
you want to be a better reader or be a better speaker, be a nicer person.
934
What do you need to do in order to become that person?
935
Yeah.
936
Or get that quality.
937
A lot of people don't know what they want to do in life.
938
Hello.
939
I didn't know that.
940
Yeah.
941
And sometimes it's not even about what you want to do, like your big career, but just who you want.
942
Who do you want to do?
943
Yeah.
944
Like, do I want to be mean and let people call me rude?
945
Like I said, when I was younger, everybody used to call me rude.
946
I was like, oh, well, I don't like that other people are saying this about me.
947
And you shouldn't like that either.
948
Exactly.
949
Like, so yeah, I definitely think that's a good tip.
950
Do you want to move to the questions from the Patreon?
951
oh yes please patreon what are our questions today on anything dealing with self -love solo dating
952
because we didn't really touch on the solo dating part but yeah we i mean we did a little bit
953
Soul dating is definitely a part of self -love, I feel like.
954
I know a lot of people are like, oh my gosh, I don't want to go on a date by myself.
955
Girl, nobody is looking at you.
956
Yes.
957
Ooh, something I also told myself a few years ago.
958
I was like, you are expecting people to do these things for you, do it for yourself.
959
If you want a man to get you flowers, get the flowers for yourself.
960
If you want to go out on dates and dress up, five -star restaurant, take yourself to the five -star restaurant.
961
You don't have to wait for a man or a friend.
962
Love yourself enough to do it for yourself.
963
next time you're like oh i wish i had x y z do it to yourself for yourself right
964
so we have two questions first one is uh left had
965
been your area with friendship choosing yourself good question okay you got right yeah
966
choosing yourself in friendships um you ain't ready i am uh okay go ahead girl i'm gonna piggyback on you.
967
A lot of people, I have an idea though.
968
Okay.
969
A lot of people will want you to just show up for them all the time.
970
Like, oh, I want to go do this.
971
You want to come?
972
If you're not in a space to go, Bible study, for example, church.
973
Yeah, like, everybody's not ready.
974
Don't go.
975
Or if you're like, like when we didn't hang out and go to Topgolf,
976
we both chose ourselves in that situation versus just fighting through the pain just to show up for her.
977
Let's do this.
978
Yeah, like, just show up for the other person.
979
No, that's not loving yourself.
980
That's putting the other person before you.
981
Now, if it's not extreme, like that migraine really hurted.
982
That really, really hurted really, really bad.
983
And you was actually really feeling bad.
984
Yeah.
985
Versus like just a little something, something really small, went wrong in your day and you're not going to hang out with your friend.
986
Okay, now you're doing too much.
987
Like, girl, I don't care if you have a migraine.
988
I'm coming over still.
989
Yeah.
990
So I feel like that's, if I'm understanding the question correctly, I feel like if you,
991
somewhere in your bones, you feel like you don't want to go or shouldn't go don't though.
992
Or spending money.
993
People, some people want to hang out to go spend all their money.
994
Yeah.
995
Setting boundaries too.
996
Yes.
997
Just go.
998
Yeah.
999
You're choosing yourself.
1000
Okay.
1001
Next person.
1002
I think, Michelle, they probably heard you, but I've...
1003
They said I don't get something to be talking to me.
1004
Yeah, they get dead showing, talking to me.
1005
Okay.
1006
Okay.
1007
Yeah.
1008
But I mean, I can definitely talk about like being married
1009
because that's more a little bit more intimate than just dating yeah
1010
but I would say self -love with being married one have a good partner child please have make sure
1011
that your partner is okay not even okay but understand
1012
that you need time by yourself and you you need time to love yourself
1013
or have those moments where you do need to pour into yourself a little bit more
1014
but self -love for me
1015
while being married has pretty much been the same I'm not gonna lie
1016
because even when we were dating like I said when we first started dating I was literally
1017
Literally like, what do I do?
1018
I'm literally in this big giant house.
1019
Don't got nothing to do.
1020
Don't know what I like to do.
1021
Don't know what my hobbies are.
1022
But I just started finding myself and finding things that I like to do.
1023
Me, love going to the gym.
1024
He, however, don't care to be at the gym.
1025
I'll be at the gym for hours.
1026
Like, I love going to the gym.
1027
I love hanging out with my friends.
1028
I love matcha.
1029
I love Pilates.
1030
I just love being active and just learning more about myself.
1031
I love cooking.
1032
I love baking.
1033
I love a lot of things.
1034
So if you're in a relationship or you're married or whatever the case may be,
1035
find hobbies and, yeah, just pour into yourself a little bit more.
1036
And make sure you have a partner who loves you enough to let you love yourself.
1037
Yes, because some partners be, like, begging.
1038
Oh, I'm about to go get my nails done because I'm feeling down.
1039
Or, oh, I'm about to go out to eat by myself.
1040
No, wait for me.
1041
Like, I don't want you to.
1042
Oh, front.
1043
Yeah, because no way.
1044
Yeah.
1045
Okay.
1046
Do you want to answer one more?
1047
No, someone just like your comment saying, right now, I'm working on a self -love.
1048
Ooh, I love that.
1049
That was me with working.
1050
Like, that was literally me.
1051
Like, I was a host and I was a server at one point in time.
1052
And yes, I love my, I love the people at the job.
1053
Love the, I didn't love the job, however.
1054
I just love the people that was there.
1055
But I had to realize
1056
that leaving the job was me not saying necessarily I hated what I was doing
1057
or I hated what you know what was going on in my life
1058
but it was just me choosing me loving myself more than I loved the money
1059
or love the hustle you know yeah yeah that's why I always say hustle is not necessarily a real thing
1060
because you'll end up hating yourself
1061
and you're the one overworking yourself like you're doing it to yourself
1062
so yeah for you I feel like for sure
1063
I'm you're probably trying to find a way out of your job
1064
so I would say figure out something you can do on the side
1065
and also applying to other jobs you think you'd like better um
1066
but ultimately figuring out something else because this world there's so many different ways to make money like Thank you.
1067
I will put y 'all onto one that I put on for somebody and it really helped a lot.
1068
Girl, bake some cookies, bake some brownies and sell them things.
1069
Walk around the park and sell them.
1070
People are going to say yes.
1071
I've said yes to three different people who have sold some type of treat to me out at Piedmont Park, bro.
1072
If someone really wants to make money, you can figure out a way.
1073
Start a car wash.
1074
Well, it's not summer no more, but look up some things that you can do.
1075
Tick tock drop.
1076
Yeah.
1077
A quick turnaround tomorrow.
1078
Right.
1079
Baking, you can go to the store today.
1080
And be done by two hours.
1081
And go out to the park and sell out today and make at least $150 extra.
1082
So, yeah, I want you.
1083
Somebody let do it.
1084
But, yeah, that concludes this episode of Sissy Real.
1085
Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel.
1086
And be sure to rate us five stars on Apple and Spotify.
1087
That's it, guys love yourself a little more this week
1088
and make sure y 'all like this video we need the likes anyways bye y 'all
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “EP4: The Real Self-Love Nobody Talks About…This Will Change Your Life”. This video has 1088 sentences and 10425 words to shadow. The speech runs for 51:30. The speaker talks fast, about 202 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| boundary noun | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | The dividing line or location between two areas. |
| hustle verb | /ˈhʌsəl/ | To push someone roughly; to crowd; to jostle. |
| nail noun | /neɪl/ | The horny plate or appendage at the ends of the digits of various animals, including most reptiles, birds, and mammals (both nonhuman and human). |
| necessarily adverb | /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/ | Inevitably; of necessity. |
| cookie noun | /ˈkʊki/ | A small, flat, baked good which is either crisp or soft but firm. |
| gosh | /ɡɑːʃ/ | A mild expression of surprise or enthusiasm. |
| trauma noun | /ˈtɹɔm.ə/ | Any injury to the body of a living thing. |
| topic noun | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest. |
| nope | /noʊp/ | No. |
| creator noun | /kɹiːˈeɪ̯təː/ | Something or someone which creates or makes something. |
| heal verb | /ˈhiːl/ | To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure. |
| lemon noun | /ˈlɛmən/ | A yellowish citrus fruit. |
| pour verb | /poɹ/ | To cause (liquid, or liquid-like substance) to flow in a stream, either out of a container or into it. |
| hobby noun | /ˈhɑ.bi/ | An activity that one enjoys doing in one's spare time. |
| accountability noun | /əˌkaʊn.təˈbɪl.ə.ti/ | The state of being accountable; liability to be called on to render an account or give an explanation; liability to be held responsible or answerable for… |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| figure out verb | To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce. |
| get up verb | To move in an upward direction; to ascend or climb. |
| go back verb | To return to a place or state after having been there at a previous time. |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. |
| hang around verb | To stay, linger, or loiter. |
| pick up verb | To lift; to grasp and raise. |
| come in for verb | To be subjected to. |
| come over verb | To affect in a sudden, unprecedented or surprising manner; to overwhelm a person's ordinarily contrary impulse. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Are you excited about today's episode?
- Who are you trying to convince?
- Why would you post that?
- You in, like, a club with sections and stuff?
- I'm kind of thinking now, like what else?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | if you love yourself within, it'll be · if you did love yourself enough you'll be · if y 'all live in Atlanta, would y |
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | I've been seeing · i've been talking · i've been doing |
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to be · used to get · used to call |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | haven't been · has not been · has happened |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 459 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: bath /bɑːθ/, breathe /bɹiːð/, aesthetics /ɛsˈθɛt.ɪks/, thankful /ˈθæŋkfəl/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, intention /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/, accomplish /əˈkɑm.plɪʃ/, dish /dɪʃ/, dash /ˈdæʃ/
- Long words — get the stress right: necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, accountability /əˌkaʊn.təˈbɪl.ə.ti/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, priority /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/, indicator /ˈɪn.dɪˌkeɪ.tə(ɹ)/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like boundary, hustle, nail.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.