Shadowing Practice: Self-Love🩷Changes Everything! | Learn Real English with Talk & Learn English - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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Hello, everyone, and welcome back to our podcast.
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I'm really happy to be here with you today, and I hope you're feeling good.
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Today, we are going to talk about something very simple but very important, self -love.
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This means treating yourself with kindness and respect the same way you would treat someone you truly care about.
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And today, as always, I'm not alone.
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With me is my lovely co -host Leo.
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Hi everyone.
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Good to be back again.
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Hi Sophie.
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When you told me our topic was self -love, I have to admit I felt a little uncomfortable.
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I think I'm much kinder to other people than I am to myself.
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I think that's true for a lot of us, honestly.
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Why do you think that happens?
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I'm not sure exactly.
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Maybe it feels strange to be kind to yourself.
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Maybe it feels like being selfish.
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That's such an important point, and I think many people feel exactly that way.
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So let's really talk about this today.
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Yes, let's do it.
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I think a lot of people listening right now might feel the same discomfort I do.
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I agree.
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Today, we're going to talk about what self -love actually means, why it feels hard for many of us,
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and some simple ways to practice sit in everyday life let's
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start with a basic question what does self -love actually mean
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because i don't think it means feeling perfect all the time
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no not at all i think self -love is simply treating
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yourself the way you would treat a good friend especially when things go wrong
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can you explain that a little more sure if a friend made a mistake you probably wouldn't say something harsh to them.
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You'd probably say something kind, like, it's okay, everyone makes mistakes.
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Right, that's true.
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I would never say something cruel to a friend.
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But when we make the same mistake ourselves, many of us say something much harsher, inside our own heads.
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That's so true.
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I say things to myself that I would never say to another person.
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I think that's incredibly common.
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Self -love simply means noticing that difference and slowly closing the gap.
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I like that idea.
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It's not about being perfect, it's about being fair to yourself.
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Exactly.
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And I think a lot of people confuse self -love with selfishness, but they're actually very different things.
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How are they different?
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Selfishness means only caring about yourself, without thinking of others.
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Self -love means caring about yourself too, not instead of others, but as well as others.
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That's a helpful distinction.
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I never really separated those two ideas before.
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Let's share a story now about two friends.
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I think it explains this idea perfectly.
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Okay, I'm ready.
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Who are we talking about this time?
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This is about two co -workers, Olivia and James.
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Olivia often made small mistakes at work, And every time, she called herself stupid, quietly in her head.
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One day, James noticed this happening.
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Leo, would you like to read James' part?
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Sure, let's do it.
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I'll be James and you be Olivia.
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Okay, so Olivia says, I just sent that email with the wrong date on it.
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I'm so stupid.
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And James answers, Wait, can I ask something?
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Would you call me stupid if I made that same mistake?
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Olivia replies, Of course not.
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It's just a small mistake.
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Anyone could make it.
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James says, So why is it okay to say that word to yourself, but not to me?
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Olivia pauses.
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I've never really thought about that before.
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James continues, I'm not saying mistakes don't matter.
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I'm just saying, maybe the words we use matter too.
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Olivia admits, that's true.
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I would never speak to a friend the way I speak to myself.
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James says, maybe try being your own friend for a while instead of your own critic.
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Olivia says, that sounds strange, but I think I want to try it.
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And James finishes, that's all it takes to start.
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Just a little more kindness in your own head.
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Okay.
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Back to us now.
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I love that story, Leo.
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It shows something true for so many of us.
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We speak to ourselves in ways we would never accept from another person.
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Right.
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And I think that habit builds up slowly, over many years, until it feels completely normal.
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Exactly.
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The good news is, it can also slowly change once we notice it happening.
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I want to ask something else, too.
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Where do you think this harsh inner voice usually comes from?
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I think it often comes from childhood or from messages we heard many times growing up.
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From parents, teachers, or even from society in general.
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That makes sense.
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We repeat the words that were once said to us.
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Yes, exactly.
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And the good news is, we can slowly learn new words, too, with practice.
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Listeners, let's pause here for a moment.
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So far, we've talked about what self -love really means and how it's different from selfishness.
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We heard Olivia and James' story about being kinder to yourself than to a critic.
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And we learned that our harsh inner voice often comes from old messages we heard growing up.
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Yes.
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And I think the most important idea here is this.
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Self -love isn't about being perfect.
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It's about speaking to yourself the way you would speak to someone you truly care about.
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Let's talk about rest and self -love, too, because I think that connects in an important way.
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Yes, definitely.
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Many people feel guilty when they rest, like they haven't earned it yet.
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I feel that guilt a lot, honestly.
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Even on my day off, I feel like I should be doing something useful.
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I think rest is actually a form of self -love, not something separate from it.
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Our bodies and minds genuinely need it to function well.
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That's a helpful way to see it.
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Rest as a need, not a reward we have to earn first.
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Leo, constant busyness isn't proof of our value.
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Sometimes it's just proof we haven't learned to rest without guilt yet.
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What about saying no to things?
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Does that connect to self -love, too?
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Absolutely.
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Saying no to something that drains you is actually a form of self -respect, not rudeness.
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I find that so hard, honestly.
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I usually say yes, even when I don't want to.
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A lot of people do.
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But every time we say yes out of guilt, we're quietly telling ourselves our own needs don't matter much.
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That's a strong way to put it, but I think it's true.
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Before we move on, let's learn some useful words from today's conversation.
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Yes.
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First word, self -compassion.
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Being kind and understanding toward yourself, especially during difficult moments.
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For example, she practiced self -compassion after making a mistake at work.
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Self -compassion.
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Take your time saying it.
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Next, guilt.
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A feeling of having done something wrong, even when it wasn't really wrong.
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For example, he felt guilt about resting even though he was genuinely tired.
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Guilt.
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One more time, guilt.
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Next, boundary.
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A clearly limit you set to protect your own time, energy, or feelings.
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For example, setting a boundary with her boss helped her feel less stressed.
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Boundary.
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Slowly, boundary.
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Next, worthy.
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Deserving good things, respect, and kindness simply because you exist.
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For example, he learned that he was worthy of love, even with his flaws.
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Worthy.
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One more time.
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Worthy.
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And our last word, self -critical.
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Judging yourself harshly, often more harshly than you would judge others.
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For example, she was very self -critical, even after doing a genuinely good job.
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Self -critical.
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One more time.
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Self -critical.
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Great job, everyone.
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You just learned some useful English today.
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Try using one of these words this week in your own real life, even in a small sentence to yourself.
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Let's talk about comparison, too, because I think that quietly damages self -love more than people realize.
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How do you mean?
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When we constantly compare ourselves to others, we usually focus on where we feel behind instead of noticing our own progress.
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I do that a lot, honestly, especially when I see other people's success online.
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I think most of us do.
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But comparison rarely gives us the full picture of someone else's life, only the polished parts.
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That's true.
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We're comparing our whole messy life to someone else's highlight moment.
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Leo, self -love often means gently turning our attention back to our own path, instead of measuring it against someone else's.
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What about our bodies, too?
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I think a lot of self -criticism is about appearance specifically.
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Yes, that's such a big one for many people.
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Self -love doesn't mean loving every single thing about your body all the time.
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What does it mean then?
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I think it means treating your body with basic respect, feeding it, resting it, and speaking about it kindly, even on days you don't feel perfectly confident.
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That feels more realistic than forcing yourself to feel amazing every single day.
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Right.
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Self -love is more about consistent kindness than constant, perfect confidence.
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I also think self -love matters a lot in relationships, not just when we're alone.
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Yes, definitely.
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People who treat themselves with respect often expect that same respect from others, too.
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And the opposite might be true also.
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If we don't value ourselves, we might accept less kindness from others.
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Leo, self -love quietly teaches other people how we expect to be treated.
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Listeners, let's pause here again for a moment.
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We talked about rest, boundaries, and saying no as real forms of self -love.
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We also talked about comparison, body image, and how self -love shows up inside our relationships with other people, too.
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Yes, and I think the biggest lesson here is this.
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Self -love shows up in small, daily choices, not one single big, dramatic decision.
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I also think self -love matters a lot at work, especially with something called imposter syndrome.
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What is that?
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It's the feeling that you don't really deserve your success and that soon, people will discover you're not good enough.
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I feel that all the time.
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Even when I do well, part of me thinks it was just luck.
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I think that's incredibly common, especially among people who genuinely work hard and care about doing well.
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That seems backwards.
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Shouldn't caring about doing well makes you feel more confident, not less?
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You'd think so, but caring deeply often comes with a harsh inner voice too, always checking for mistakes.
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So self -love at work might mean accepting a compliment instead of immediately explaining it away.
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Next time someone praises your work, try simply saying thank you instead of listing reasons why it wasn't a big deal.
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That feels surprisingly hard to do now that you mention it.
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It is hard for many of us.
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But it's a small, real way of practicing self -love in a very ordinary moment.
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I also think self -love connects to how we handle our past mistakes, not just today's small ones.
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Yes, that's such an important area.
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Many of us carry old mistakes for years, replaying them again and again in our minds.
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I still think about things I did wrong years ago more often than I'd like to admit.
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I think most people do.
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Self -love doesn't mean forgetting those moments it means slowly learning to forgive the person who made them.
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How do you forgive yourself, though?
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That feels much harder than forgiving someone else.
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I think it helps to remember that you made that decision with the knowledge and the emotions you had back then, not with what you know now.
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That's a helpful way to think about it.
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I judge my past self using information I only have today.
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Self -love means offering your past self the same understanding you would offer a friend who made a similar mistake.
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I also want to talk about self -love during hard times, like grief or loss, not just everyday stress.
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Yes, that's such an important tender area.
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During hard times, many people expect themselves to heal quickly or to stay strong for everyone else.
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I think I do that too.
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I try to look fine for other people even when I'm struggling inside.
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Self -love during hard times often means allowing yourself to feel whatever you're feeling, without rushing yourself toward being okay again.
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That feels like permission a lot of people don't usually give themselves.
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It really is.
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There's no proper schedule for healing, and self -love means being patient with your own timeline, whatever it looks like.
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I also think about how social media affects self -love specifically, since we touched on comparison earlier.
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Yes, that's such a big factor now.
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Seeing filtered photos and perfect updates all day can quietly make our own ordinary life feel not good enough.
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I've noticed my mood change after scrolling for a while, even when nothing bad happened that day.
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I think that's such a common experience.
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Self -love sometimes means simply putting the phone down and returning attention to your own actual life.
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That's such a simple idea, but I think it's powerful.
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It is.
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We can't practice kindness toward ourselves while constantly measuring our life against a carefully edited version of someone else's.
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I also think culture plays a role here too, since some cultures value self -sacrifice quite strongly.
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Yes, that's true.
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In many families and communities, always putting others first is seen as the highest form of goodness.
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I grew up hearing that putting yourself first was selfish, almost shameful.
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I think many people were taught that.
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But constantly ignoring your own needs usually leads to exhaustion, not to real, sustainable kindness toward others.
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So taking care of yourself helps you take better care of others, too, in the long run.
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Leo, you can't keep giving from an empty place forever, no matter how good your intentions are.
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Let me share one more small story before we finish, because I think it adds something important.
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Okay, I'm ready.
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Who are we talking about this time?
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This is about two friends, Emma and Daniel.
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Emma always said yes to every request from her friends and family, even when she felt completely exhausted.
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One evening, Daniel noticed how tired she looked.
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Sophie, would you like to read Daniel's part?
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Sure, let's do it.
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I'll be Daniel and you be Emma.
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Okay, so Emma says, I said yes to helping my sister move this weekend too.
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I don't have the energy, but I couldn't say no. And Daniel answers, what would happen if you said no, just this one time?
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Emma pauses, I don't know.
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I guess I'd feel guilty like I let her down.
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Daniel says, would you be letting her down or just not meeting an expectation you created for yourself?
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Emma pauses, that's a good question.
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I've never separated those two things.
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Daniel continues, you matter too in this situation, not instead of your sister, but as well as her.
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Emma admits, I think I forget that sometimes.
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I just focus on everyone else's needs.
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Daniel says, maybe try saying, I can't help this weekend, but I'd love to help next time, and see what happens.
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Emma says, that feels possible, saying it that way.
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And Daniel finishes, that's real self -love, caring about yourself while still caring about other two.
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Okay, back to us now.
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I like that story, Sophie.
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It shows that self -love isn't about ignoring others.
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It's about including yourself in the list of people who matter.
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Right, Leo.
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Emma wasn't being asked to stop caring about her sister.
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She was simply being asked to also care about herself.
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I think that's such a helpful way to think about all of this today.
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I also think small daily habits matter more for self -love than one big dramatic change ever could.
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What kind of small habits do you personally use for this?
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One thing I do is notice one small thing I did well each day.
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Even something tiny, like handling a stressful moment calmly.
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That sounds simple, but I imagine it slowly changes how you see yourself over time.
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It does.
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Our mind naturally focuses on mistakes more than successes, so this small habit helps balance that pattern a little.
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I also try something similar.
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Before sleeping, I think of one moment I was proud of that day, even a small one.
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I love that.
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It's such a gentle way to end the day instead of ending it by replaying every mistake instead.
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I also think self -love matters a lot for parents, since children often learn self -love by watching us.
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Yes, that's such an important connection.
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Children notice how we speak about ourselves, not just how we speak to them directly.
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That's a little uncomfortable to think about.
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My children probably hear me criticize myself sometimes.
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I think most parents do this sometimes without fully realizing it.
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But it means practicing self -love isn't only for ourselves.
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It also quietly teaches the people watching us.
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So modeling self -kindness might be one of the most powerful lessons we can pass on.
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Leo, children learn far more from watching how we treat ourselves than any advice we give them directly.
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I also think self -love shows up in how we celebrate our own progress, not just how we handle mistakes.
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Yes, that's true.
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Many of us wait for some huge achievement before we allow ourselves to feel proud i definitely do
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that i always think i'll celebrate once i reach the real
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goal i think self -love means celebrating small steps too along
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the way not just the final destination we're working toward
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that feels like a kinder way to move through any long
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process it is waiting for perfection before feeling proud often means waiting for a moment
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that never quite arrives let me share one final small story before we move to the summary
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because i think it captures something we haven't covered yet okay
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i'm ready who are we talking about this time this is
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about a young man named michael who had recently gone through
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a difficult breakup his friend charlotte visited him one evening
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and noticed how harshly he was speaking about himself leo would
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you like to read charlotte's part sure let's do it i'll be charlotte
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and you be michael okay
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so michael says i clearly did something wrong no wonder this relationship ended the way it did
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and Charlotte answers did you do something wrong
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or are you just trying to make sense of something painful
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Michael replies I don't know anymore I just keep replaying every mistake I made over
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and over Charlotte says would you tell a close friend they deserved heartbreak
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if their relationship ended Michael pauses no of course not I'd tell them these things are just complicated.
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Charlotte continues, so why does that same understanding disappear when the person going through it is you?
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Michael admits, I hadn't noticed I was doing that.
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Charlotte says, you're allowed to feel sad without also deciding you're a bad person underneath it all.
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Michael says, that's a strange but comforting way to think about it.
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And Charlotte finishes, healing doesn't need blame attached to it.
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It just needs a little time
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and a little kindness toward yourself along the way okay back to us now i love
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that story leo it shows how easily pain turns into harsh self -blame when both things can exist separately
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right Michael was hurting, but that pain didn't require him to also be his own harshest critic.
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I think that's true for so many difficult moments in life, not only breakups specifically.
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Listeners, let's pause here one final time before we wrap up today.
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We talked about imposter syndrome at work, forgiving our past mistakes, and practicing self -love during hard times like grief or loss.
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We also talked about social media, culture, small daily habits, and how parents quietly model self -love for their children.
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And we just heard Michael and Charlotte's story about separating pain from self -blame.
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I think the biggest lesson from this whole second half is this.
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Self -love isn't one single habit.
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It shows up in dozens of small, ordinary moments throughout an entire life.
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I also want to mention something practical about how self -love connects to simple physical care, too, not only our thoughts and words.
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What do you mean by that specifically?
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Things like sleeping enough, drinking water, and moving your body a little each day.
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These small acts genuinely tell your body it matters and deserves care.
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I never really thought about basic habits like that as self -love before, just as general health advice.
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I think they're deeply connected.
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Ignoring our basic physical needs is often a quiet sign we've stopped valuing ourselves, too, without fully noticing it.
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That's such a simple but important connection.
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Self -love isn't only mental.
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It lives in ordinary physical choices, too.
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Exactly, Leo.
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Even something as small as going to bed a little earlier can be its own quiet act of self -respect.
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I like thinking about it that way.
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Small physical habits as daily evidence of caring about yourself.
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It really is.
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And none of these small habits need to be perfect, either.
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Just consistent enough to matter over time.
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One last thing worth mentioning.
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I think self -love also means allowing yourself to ask for help instead of trying to handle everything completely alone.
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I struggle with that one a lot.
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Asking for help sometimes feels like admitting I've somehow failed.
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I think many of us were quietly taught that independence proves our worth, and needing help means something is wrong with us.
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But that doesn't really match how we treat other people who ask us for help, does it?
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Not at all.
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We usually feel glad someone trusted us enough to ask, not disappointed in them at all.
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So maybe asking for help is actually a form of trust, both in ourselves and in the people around us.
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Exactly, Leo.
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Self -love doesn't mean doing everything perfectly alone.
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It means recognizing you don't have to.
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That's such a comforting thought to end this section on, honestly.
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Let's give our listeners a simple final summary now before we finish today's episode together.
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Yes, self -love means treating yourself the way you would treat someone you care about, not being perfect and not being selfish.
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Olivia and James' story showed us that we often speak to ourselves more harshly than we would ever speak to a friend.
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Rest, boundaries, and saying no are all real forms of self -love, not signs of laziness or rudeness.
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Comparison, body image, and social media can quietly damage self -love, but consistent kindness matters more than constant confidence.
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Emma and Daniel's story showed us that caring for ourselves doesn't mean ignoring other people.
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It means including ourselves, too.
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Self -love also shows up at work through imposter syndrome and in how we forgive our own past mistakes over time.
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During hard times, like grief, self -love means allowing yourself to feel whatever you feel, without rushing your own healing.
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Michael and Charlotte's story showed us that pain and self -blame are two different things, even though they often arrive together.
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And self -love shows up in small daily choices—our words, our rest, our boundaries, and how we quietly model it for others, too.
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I love that summary, Sophie.
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And I think it's comforting that self -love is something we can practice, even in small ways.
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That's true.
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I think that's the real message today.
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You don't need to love everything about yourself immediately.
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You just need to be a little kinder, starting today.
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Before we say goodbye, I want to ask our listeners something important.
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What's one thing you say to yourself that you would never say to a friend?
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If something comes to mind, maybe today's episode is a gentle reminder to speak to yourself a little more kindly this week.
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And remember what James told Olivia in our story earlier.
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Try being your own friend for a while instead of your own critic.
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Now, before we say goodbye, we have our community question for you today.
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What's one small way you could show yourself some self -love this week?
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Please tell us in the comments below, in English if you can.
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Even one or two sentences is perfect practice.
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Write your answer, and maybe you'll surprise yourself just from putting it into words.
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That's the real value of sharing this together.
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We're all learning to be a little kinder to ourselves, one honest sentence at a time.
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And one more small idea before we close.
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If today's episode helped you even a little, share it with someone who's often too hard on themselves.
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Sometimes just hearing that self -love is possible is enough to help someone start.
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Thank you all so much for spending time with us today.
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We hope this conversation gave you a little more kindness toward yourself.
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Whether you were listening while walking, resting, or working, we're happy you spent this time with us today.
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Wherever you are on your own journey today, tired, healing, doubting yourself, or simply having an ordinary day,
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remember that you are still worth genuine kindness, especially from yourself.
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Remember, you deserve the same kindness you would give a good friend, especially on your hardest days.
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Thank you for listening, and thank you for learning with us today.
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Take care of yourself, and we'll see you again very soon.
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And Leo, thank you for being honest today about how uncomfortable this topic felt for you at first.
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I think that honesty made this episode feel real.
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Thanks, Sophie.
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I think that's the real point today.
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None of us are naturally perfect at this we're all just learning to be a little kinder to ourselves, one small moment at a time.
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Goodbye for now, everyone.
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Be a friend to yourself today.
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Ask for help when you need it, and keep growing one kind thought at a time.
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This is the podcast with Sophie and Leo.
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Until next time.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 401 sentences and 4369 words to shadow. The speech runs for 26:35. The speaker talks at a natural 164 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 85% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| kindness noun | /ˈkaɪnd.nəs/ | The state of being kind. |
| quietly adverb | /ˈkwaɪ.ɪt.li/ | Producing little or no noise. |
| habit noun | /ˈhæb.ɪt/ | An action performed on a regular basis. |
| harsh adjective | /ˈhɑɹʃ/ | Unpleasantly rough to the touch or other senses. |
| boundary noun | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | The dividing line or location between two areas. |
| guilt noun | /ɡɪlt/ | Responsibility for wrongdoing. |
| pause noun | /pɔːz/ | A temporary stop or rest; an intermission of action; interruption; suspension; cessation. |
| ordinary adjective | /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/ | Having regular jurisdiction; now only used in certain phrases. |
| forgive verb | /fɚˈɡɪv/ | To pardon (someone); to waive any negative feeling towards or desire for punishment or retribution against. |
| heal verb | /ˈhiːl/ | To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure. |
| genuinely adverb | /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/ | In a genuine manner; truthfully, truly. |
| listener noun | /ˈlɪs(ə)nɚ/ | Someone who listens, especially to a speech or a broadcast. |
| ignore verb | /ɪɡˈnɔː/ | To deliberately not listen or pay attention to. |
| helpful adjective | /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/ | Furnishing help; giving aid; useful. |
| connect verb | /kəˈnɛkt/ | To join (to another object): to attach, or to be intended to attach or capable of attaching, to another object. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| grow up verb | To mature and become an adult. |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. |
| build up verb | To erect; to construct. |
| make over verb | To renovate or to convert to a different use, particularly houses, offices, or rooms within them. |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. |
| work through verb | To get past a difficult or stressful situation by thinking or talking about it. |
| wrap up verb | To cover or enclose (something) by folding and securing a covering entirely around it. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've never really thought · we've talked · haven't earned |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | be treated · is seen · were taught |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | People who treat · people who genuinely · person who made |
| Verb + -ing enjoy, keep, stop… + -ing — verbs that are followed by the -ing form | love during · keep giving · stop caring |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 83 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, I'm, we're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: harsh /ˈhɑɹʃ/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, rush /ɹʌʃ/, capture /ˈkæp.(t)ʃɚ/
- Long words — get the stress right: ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like kindness, quietly, habit.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.