Shadowing Practice: Real English Conversation Practice | I Choose Myself - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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Welcome to English Academy Podcast.
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Have you ever said yes with your mouth while your heart was quietly screaming no?
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And then later, when you were alone, you asked yourself one painful question.
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What question?
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Why do I always leave myself behind?
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If that question feels close to your heart, stay with us.
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Because today we are talking about something deep, simple, and very real.
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Today we are talking about this idea.
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I choose myself.
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Hi, everyone.
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Welcome back.
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I'm Sarah.
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And I'm John.
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And today we have a real English conversation for daily life.
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Easy English.
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Slow English.
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Clear English.
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Emotional English.
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Human English.
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Not robotic English.
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Never robotic.
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Today we will talk about people -pleasing.
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Boundaries.
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Self -respect.
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Guilt.
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Healing.
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And learning how to say simple, honest things in English.
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Because sometimes one sentence can change your whole day.
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And sometimes one honest sentence can change your whole life.
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Let me tell you something.
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Go ahead.
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Many people think choosing yourself means becoming selfish.
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Yes.
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Cold.
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Yes.
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Hard.
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Yes.
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Rude.
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Yes.
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But that is not true.
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Not true at all.
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Choosing yourself is not about hurting others.
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It is about stopping the habit of hurting yourself.
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That line matters.
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A lot.
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If this episode speaks to you, comment, I choose myself, below.
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And if you agree that simple, honest English is powerful, like this video.
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Okay.
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Let's begin with one simple question.
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Why is it so hard for many people to choose themselves?
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Good question.
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I think there are many reasons.
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Tell me.
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Fear.
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Yes.
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Guilt.
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Yes.
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The need to be liked.
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Big one.
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The fear of disappointing people.
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Very big one.
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The habit of saying yes too fast.
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Yes.
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And sometimes something even deeper.
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What?
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Some people do not believe their own needs matter.
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Wow.
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Too deep?
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A little deep. But true.
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Very true.
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Here's the interesting part.
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Tell me.
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Many people do not wake up and say, today I will ignore myself.
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Of course not.
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They do it quietly.
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Yes.
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They say yes when they mean no. Yes.
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They stay silent when something hurts.
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Yes.
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They smile when they're exhausted.
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Yes.
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They keep giving and giving and calling it kindness.
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That's a strong line.
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Thank you.
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And sometimes it is kindness.
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Yes.
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But sometimes it's fear dressed like kindness.
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Wow.
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Good.
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Very good.
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Thank you.
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Let me ask you something.
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Okay.
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Have you ever said yes to something you did not want to do?
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Too many times.
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Really?
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Yes.
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Give me one example.
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One time, a friend asked me to help him move on a Sunday.
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Okay.
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I was already tired.
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Yes.
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I had work to finish.
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Yes.
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I needed rest.
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Yes.
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I wanted to say no. But?
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But I smiled and said, sure, no problem.
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Why?
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Because I didn't want to look selfish.
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That's real.
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Very real.
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So what happened?
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I spent the whole day helping.
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Nice of you.
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On the outside, yes.
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And on the inside?
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On the inside, I was angry.
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There it is.
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Yes.
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That's the dangerous part.
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Exactly.
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A fake yes creates hidden anger.
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Say it again.
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A fake yes creates hidden anger.
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Good.
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Did your friend know you were upset?
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No. Of course not.
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I acted fine. And later?
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Later, I was tired, frustrated, and angry at myself.
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Not even angry at your friend?
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A little at him.
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But more at yourself?
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Much more.
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Why?
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Because the truth is, he asked.
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Yes.
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And I answered.
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Yes.
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The problem was my answer.
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That is a painful truth.
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But an important one.
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Let me tell you something.
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I'm listening.
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Many people are waiting for others to understand their pain without clear words.
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Wow.
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They think if people really care, they will just know.
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But life does not work like that.
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No. People are not mind readers.
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Exactly.
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If you keep saying yes, most people will believe you're yes.
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Even if your heart is breaking.
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Yes.
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This is why clear language matters.
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In life and in English.
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Very much.
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So what could you have said instead?
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Good question.
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Yes, tell me.
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You could say, I'm sorry, I can't this Sunday.
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Simple.
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Or, I'd love to help, but I really need to rest.
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Nice.
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Or, I have too much on my plate right now.
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Very useful.
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Or even, I'm not available this weekend.
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Short and clear.
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Exactly. But wait.
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What?
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Many people think short and clear sounds rude.
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only because they are used to over -explaining.
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Wow.
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That needed to be said.
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Yes.
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A respectful no does not need a long speech.
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Say it again.
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A respectful no does not need a long speech.
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Good.
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Real -life English needs that sentence.
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Definitely.
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Let's talk about another common situation. Which one?
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Work.
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Ah, yes.
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A boss, a co -worker, an extra task, a late message.
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Very modern pain.
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Very.
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So what happens there?
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A person is already tired.
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Yes.
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Already stressed.
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Yes.
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Already carrying too much.
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Yes.
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Then somebody says, can you do one more thing?
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The famous one more thing.
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Exactly.
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And many people say.
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Sure.
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With dead eyes.
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With dead eyes.
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That is funny and sad.
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Very funny and very sad.
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Let me ask you something.
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Go ahead.
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Why do people say yes in that moment?
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Because they want to look helpful.
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Yes.
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Because they are scared of conflict.
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Yes.
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Because they think good people always say yes.
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Huge problem.
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Because they do not want to lose respect.
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Ironically, sometimes they lose self -respect instead.
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Wow.
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Good line.
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Very good line.
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Thank you.
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So what are better answers in English?
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Let's build them.
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Okay.
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I can help, but I need more time.
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Good.
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I'm at capacity right now.
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A little harder, but useful.
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For easier English, I already have too much to do.
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Perfect.
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I can do it tomorrow, but not today.
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Nice.
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I need to finish something else first.
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Very natural.
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Can we talk about priorities?
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Good.
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These sentences are calm, not rude.
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Calm English is powerful English.
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Say it again.
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Calm English is powerful English.
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One more time.
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Calm English is powerful English.
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Good.
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Let me tell you a short story.
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Please do.
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I knew a woman named Maya.
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Okay.
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She was kind, smart, and always ready to help.
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Sounds lovely.
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She was lovely. And tired?
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Very tired. Of course.
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At work, everyone asked her for help.
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Because she always said yes?
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Exactly.
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What kind of help?
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Little tasks.
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Okay.
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Last -minute work.
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Okay.
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Covering for other people.
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Uh -oh.
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Fixing other people's mistakes.
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Bigger uh -oh.
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And at first, she felt proud.
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Why?
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Because she felt needed.
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Ah.
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Needed can feel good.
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Yes.
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But later, she felt used.
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That is the shift.
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Exactly.
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So what changed?
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One day, she missed her own deadline because she was busy helping others. That hurts.
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Yes.
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What did her manager say?
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Her manager said, why didn't you focus on your own work first?
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Wow.
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That question hit her hard.
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I can imagine.
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She realized something painful.
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What?
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She was protecting everyone except herself.
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That line is huge.
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It is.
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Say it again.
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She was protecting everyone except herself.
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Wow.
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After that she started using one new sentence which sentence I can't take
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that on right now Very useful at first she felt guilty of course,
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but later she felt stronger because guilt is not always a sign You did something wrong yes,
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sometimes guilt is just the feeling of doing something new beautiful Thank you.
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Here's the interesting part.
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Tell me many people think if I feel guilty I must be wrong, but that is not always true exactly sometimes you feel guilty
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because you're breaking an old unhealthy pattern yes
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and the heart needs time to learn something new
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that is why choosing yourself can feel strange at first very strange even
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when it's right let me ask you something okay what is the difference between selfishness
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and self -respect good question big question selfishness says only I
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matter strong self -respect says I matter too Wow short simple true I love
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that me too say it again selfishness says only I matter
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and self -respect says I matter too
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that may be the heart of today's episode I think so
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but wait what some people listening now may think okay I understand work I understand helping too much
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but what about relationships very important
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because many people disappear inside relationships yes romantic relationships friendships family relationships all of them
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so what does choosing yourself look like there it can look very simple like what it can mean saying
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that hurt me good I need space nice I can't talk
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right now very useful I need honesty from you strong I'm not okay with
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that very important these are not dramatic sentences no they are clear sentences And clear sentences protect the heart.
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Beautiful.
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Thank you.
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Let me tell you something from my own life.
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Go ahead.
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A friend of mine used to call me only when she needed something.
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Oh advice yes time yes support yes energy yes but when i needed her she disappeared that is painful
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very painful what did you do at first nothing of course
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i kept acting nice yes i kept telling myself maybe i'm asking for too much common lie very common
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and then one day she called again and I was already exhausted.
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Yes.
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She started talking about her problems for almost an hour.
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Wow.
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And when I finally tried to share something from my life, she changed the subject.
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Ouch.
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That moment woke me up.
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I can feel that.
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After the call, I sat quietly and said something to myself.
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What did you say?
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This friendship is feeding her, but draining me.
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Wow.
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It was hard to admit.
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Yes. But true.
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So what happened next?
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The next time she called, I answered differently.
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How?
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I said, I can talk for 10 minutes, but I don't have much energy today.
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Good boundary.
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Very small, but very important.
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How does she react?
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She sounded surprised. Of course.
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Because I had trained her to expect endless access to me.
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That line is so important.
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Say it.
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Sometimes we train people to cross our boundaries because we never show them where the boundary is.
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Yes.
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Wow.
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That hurts, but it helps.
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Truth often does that.
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Exactly.
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Did the friendship change?
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Yes.
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For better or worse?
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At first, awkward.
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Real.
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Then clearer.
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Good.
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Then calmer.
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Better.
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We are not as close now.
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Is that sad?
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A little. But?
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But I feel more peaceful. That matters.
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A lot.
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Here is the interesting part.
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Tell me.
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Choosing yourself may not keep every relationship.
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True.
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But it will reveal which relationships are healthy.
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Wow.
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Some people love you.
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Yes.
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Some people love your endless availability.
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Big difference.
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Huge difference.
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Let's talk about family.
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Another hard one.
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Very hard.
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Because family can make people feel guilty very fast.
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Yes.
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If you say no to a stranger, maybe you feel a little bad.
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Right.
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If you say no to family, your whole body may shake.
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Very true.
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Why is that?
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History.
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Yes.
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Roles.
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Yes.
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Old pain.
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Yes.
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Old habits.
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Yes.
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And the fear of being called selfish, ungrateful, or cold.
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That fear is real. So real.
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What can people say in family situations?
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I love you, but I can't do that today.
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Beautiful.
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I need some rest.
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Good.
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I'm not able to help this week.
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Nice.
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I understand this matters to you, but I need time to think.
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Very useful.
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I can come for a short time, but not all day.
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That is excellent.
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Because sometimes people think the only choices are yes or no. But there are many middle choices.
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Exactly.
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A short visit.
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A later call.
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A smaller favor.
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A different day.
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This is important.
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Yes.
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Boundaries are not always walls.
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Nice.
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Sometimes they're doors with clear hours.
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That is such a good line.
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Thank you.
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Doors with clear hours.
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I would remember that.
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Me too. But wait.
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What?
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We need to talk about one hidden problem. Which one?
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Many people do not even know what they want.
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Oh yes.
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They are so used to asking, what do others need?
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That they never ask, what do I need?
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Exactly.
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That is huge.
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So how can somebody choose themselves if they have lost touch with themselves?
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They have to slow down.
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Good.
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Be quiet for a moment.
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Yes.
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Notice what feels heavy.
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Yes.
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Notice what feels peaceful.
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Yes.
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Notice where the resentment lives.
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Wow.
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Because resentment is often a clue.
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Explain.
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If you keep feeling angry in the same kind of situation, maybe a boundary is missing there.
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That is brilliant.
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Thank you.
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So resentment is not always evil?
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No. It can be information?
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Exactly.
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Information that something is wrong?
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Yes.
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Information that you keep abandoning yourself?
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Yes.
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That is powerful.
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Let me ask you something.
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Go ahead.
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Have you ever felt resentment and then realized it was pointing to a boundary problem?
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Absolutely.
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Tell me.
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There was a time when people kept calling me late at night.
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Not for emergencies.
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Worse.
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Just random things.
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Oh, no. Some wanted advice.
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Yes.
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Some wanted to complain.
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Yes.
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Some were just bored.
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Very dangerous people.
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Exactly.
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What did you do?
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I always answered. Of course.
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Because I want to be kind.
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Yes.
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But later, I started feeling angry every time my phone lit up at night.
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That is the resentment clue.
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Exactly.
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So what did you realize?
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I realized I did not hate people.
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Right.
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I hated the access.
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Wow.
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The unlimited access.
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That is such an important idea.
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So I changed one thing.
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What?
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I stopped answering late at night unless it was truly important.
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How did that feel?
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Awkward at first.
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Yes.
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But peaceful later.
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Peaceful later is one of the best feelings in life.
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I agree.
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Let me tell you something.
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Go ahead.
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Many good changes feel guilty first and peaceful later.
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Wow.
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Say it again.
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Many good changes feel guilty first and peaceful later.
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Good.
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That may help a lot of people.
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I hope so.
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Let's move to self -talk.
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Yes.
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Because the way people talk to themselves matters. So much.
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Some people choose everyone else because inside they believe they're less important.
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Yes.
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Less valuable.
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Yes.
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Less worthy of care.
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Yes.
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And that belief shapes everything.
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It does.
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What are some harmful self -talk lines?
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I'm too much.
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Yes.
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My needs are a problem.
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Yes.
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I should just be grateful.
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Yes.
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I don't want to be difficult.
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Big one.
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Maybe I'm asking for too much.
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Huge one.
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Those sentences keep people small.
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Very small.
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So what are better sentences?
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My needs matter too.
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Good.
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I am allowed to rest.
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Nice.
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I can be kind without abandoning myself beautiful saying no does
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not make me bad very important I choose peace over performance
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that is strong thank you here's the interesting part tell me
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some people are not addicted to helping oh they are addicted to being needed wow
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that is deeper much deeper because being needed can feel like proof of value yes
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but it is a dangerous kind of proof because it never ends exactly
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if your worth depends on being needed you will never rest
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and you will secretly need people to stay weak wow
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that is uncomfortable but true for some people very uncomfortable
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so what is healthier knowing you have value even
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when you are resting say it again you have value even
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when you are resting one more time you have value even
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when you are resting good let me tell you something funny
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and sad my favorite kind one time someone asked me what are you doing tonight okay
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and my first thought was nothing nice
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and my second thought was i should make up something important
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so i don't look lazy that is so real
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so i almost said i have many serious plans very official
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but the truth was simple which was i was tired
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and wanted to rest
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and what did you say i'm staying home tonight i need a quiet evening excellent it felt strange why
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because part of me thought i had to earn rest ah
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but rest is not a reward for being almost dead wow
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too strong no perfect thank you rest is not a reward for being almost dead
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that line needs to live in people's hearts yes
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but wait what we should give listeners useful english for choosing
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themselves in daily life great idea let's make a list inside the conversation okay if you are tired.
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I need some rest.
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If you are overwhelmed.
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I can't take this on right now.
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If somebody asks for your time.
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I'm not available today.
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If you need space.
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I need a little time to myself.
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If something hurts.
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That didn't feel good to me.
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Softer.
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I felt hurt when that happened.
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If you want to leave.
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I'm going to head home.
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Very useful.
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If you disagree.
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I'm not comfortable with that.
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Excellent.
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If you want to pause a conversation.
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I can't talk about this right now.
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Good.
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If you want to protect your energy.
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I don't have the energy for that today.
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Very real.
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These are not dramatic sentences.
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No. These are simple survival sentences.
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Yes.
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Real life English.
581
Exactly.
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Let's do a role play with boundaries.
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Okay.
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Hey, can you help me with something tonight?
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I'm sorry, I can't tonight.
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I really need rest.
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Oh, okay.
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Maybe tomorrow?
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Tomorrow is better.
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Perfect.
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That was not rude.
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Not at all.
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Another one.
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Okay.
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Do you want to go out after work?
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I'd love to, but I'm really tired today.
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No problem.
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Maybe another day. That works.
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Again, calm English.
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Powerful English.
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Calm English is powerful English.
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Good. But wait.
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What now?
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Some listeners may say, this all sounds good, but what if people get upset when I choose myself?
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Good question.
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Because that really happens.
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It does.
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So what then?
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First, remember this.
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I'm listening.
611
Someone's disappointment is not always proof that you did something wrong.
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Wow.
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Sometimes it is just proof that they wanted more access than was healthy for you.
614
That is powerful.
615
Yes.
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But it is still hard when people react badly. Of course.
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So how can people stay calm?
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Repeat yourself without anger.
619
Good.
620
For example, I understand, but I still can't.
621
Nice.
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I know this is frustrating, but my answer is still no. Very strong.
623
I care about you, but I need to do what is right for me.
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Excellent.
625
Calm repetition is a superpower.
626
Say it again.
627
Calm repetition is a superpower.
628
One more time.
629
Calm repetition is a superpower.
630
Good.
631
Let me tell you something.
632
Go ahead.
633
Many people stop setting boundaries because the first reaction is uncomfortable.
634
Yes.
635
But first reactions are not the whole story.
636
True.
637
People can be surprised at first.
638
Yes.
639
Then adjust later.
640
Yes.
641
And if they never adjust… Then maybe the relationship needed truth more than comfort.
642
Wow.
643
Good?
644
Very good.
645
Thank you.
646
Here's the interesting part.
647
Tell me.
648
Choosing yourself does not only change your relationships with others.
649
Oh?
650
It changes your relationship with yourself.
651
That is huge.
652
Every time you tell the truth, even in a small way, you build self -trust.
653
Beautiful.
654
And every time you betray yourself, even in a small way, you weaken that trust.
655
Wow.
656
So this is not only about one dinner, one phone call, one favor.
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No. It is about the kind of relationship you are building with your own heart.
658
That may be the deepest lesson today.
659
I think so.
660
Let me ask something.
661
Okay.
662
What does self -trust feel like?
663
It feels quiet.
664
Nice.
665
It feels safe.
666
Good.
667
It feels like this.
668
What?
669
If something hurts, I will listen.
670
Wow.
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If I need rest, I will notice.
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Yes.
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If I need space, I will not ignore myself.
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Beautiful.
675
Self -trust means I stop abandoning myself in small, daily moments.
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That line is everything.
677
Thank you.
678
Let's talk about another trap. Which one?
679
The need to always look nice.
680
Oh yes.
681
Nice people are loved by everyone.
682
Until they're empty.
683
Exactly.
684
Why do so many people build their whole identity around being nice?
685
Because nice gets approval.
686
Yes.
687
Nice gets smiles.
688
Yes.
689
Nice gets less conflict.
690
Yes.
691
Nice feels safe. But...
692
Nice is not enough if it kills the truth.
693
Wow.
694
You can be kind and honest.
695
Yes.
696
Yes.
697
Warm and clear.
698
Yes.
699
Loving and firm.
700
Yes.
701
People often act like those things cannot live together.
702
But they can.
703
Absolutely.
704
Let me tell you something from school.
705
Okay.
706
There was a girl who always shared her notes.
707
Nice.
708
Always helped everybody.
709
Also nice.
710
Always explained everything.
711
Very kind.
712
But when she needed help, no one came. That hurts.
713
A lot.
714
Why?
715
Because she had built a role.
716
The helper role.
717
Exactly.
718
Not the equal friend role.
719
Yes.
720
So what happened?
721
One day, she stopped giving everything away.
722
Good.
723
She still helped, sometimes.
724
Balanced.
725
But not always.
726
Healthy.
727
And some people got upset. Of course.
728
But something else happened too.
729
What?
730
The real friend stayed.
731
There it is.
732
Yes.
733
When you stop overgiving, you find out who actually cares.
734
Exactly.
735
That is painful but important.
736
Very important. But wait.
737
What?
738
We should talk about loneliness too.
739
Yes.
740
Because choosing yourself can feel lonely at first. So true.
741
Why?
742
Because old patterns gave constant contact.
743
Yes.
744
Constant messages.
745
Yes.
746
Constant requests.
747
Yes.
748
Constant noise.
749
Yes.
750
And when you step back, life becomes quieter.
751
That quiet can feel scary.
752
Very scary.
753
People may think, maybe I made a mistake.
754
Exactly.
755
But maybe they did not make a mistake.
756
Maybe they just met silence for the first time.
757
Wow.
758
And silence can be healing.
759
Even if it feels strange at first.
760
Especially then.
761
Let me tell you something personal.
762
Go ahead.
763
There was a period when I stopped saying yes to every plan.
764
Okay.
765
Suddenly, my weekends became quiet.
766
That sounds nice.
767
It was nice and uncomfortable.
768
Both?
769
Yes.
770
Why uncomfortable?
771
Because I realized I did not know how to be with myself without noise.
772
Oh.
773
That was hard.
774
I understand.
775
I kept reaching for my phone.
776
Yes.
777
Looking for distractions.
778
Yes.
779
Looking for someone to need me.
780
Wow.
781
That was the truth.
782
Thank you for saying it.
783
One weekend, I sat at home and thought, is this peace or emptiness?
784
Big question.
785
Very big.
786
And what was the answer?
787
At first, a little emptiness.
788
Honest.
789
But later, peace.
790
Beautiful.
791
Because I stayed.
792
In the quiet.
793
Yes.
794
That is huge.
795
Many people run from quiet because quiet shows them things.
796
Yes.
797
Their tiredness.
798
Yes.
799
Their sadness.
800
Yes.
801
Their real needs.
802
Yes.
803
But if you stay, quiet can become a friend.
804
That is beautiful.
805
Thank you.
806
Here's the interesting part.
807
Tell me.
808
Choosing yourself is not only saying no to others.
809
Oh.
810
It's also saying yes to your own life.
811
Nice.
812
Yes to rest.
813
Yes to peace.
814
Yes to health.
815
Yes to honesty.
816
Yes to growth.
817
Yes to time.
818
Yes to yourself.
819
That's the positive side.
820
Exactly.
821
This is not only a conversation about limits.
822
No. It's also a conversation about love.
823
Self -love and action.
824
Nice phrase.
825
Thank you.
826
Let's make this very practical.
827
Good.
828
What are ways to choose yourself in daily life?
829
Got bad when you are tired.
830
Good.
831
Eat when you are hungry.
832
Nice.
833
Turn your phone off for a while.
834
Very good.
835
Say no to one thing that drains you.
836
Good.
837
Say yes to one thing that heals you.
838
Nice.
839
Take a walk.
840
Good.
841
Sit in silence.
842
Yes.
843
Drink water.
844
Important.
845
Practice English even if it is only for five minutes.
846
I love that.
847
Because choosing yourself also means choosing your future.
848
Beautiful.
849
Thank you.
850
Let me ask you something.
851
Okay.
852
If someone wants to start today, what is one tiny step they can take tonight?
853
One tiny step?
854
Yes.
855
Sit down quietly and ask one question. Which question?
856
Where am I saying yes while my heart is saying no?
857
Wow.
858
Just one question.
859
That could change a lot.
860
Yes.
861
And after that?
862
Pick one small, honest sentence for tomorrow.
863
Example?
864
I can't tonight.
865
Good.
866
I need some rest.
867
Nice.
868
I'm not available this weekend.
869
Good.
870
I need time to think.
871
Excellent.
872
One small, honest sentence can begin a new season.
873
That line is strong.
874
It is true. But wait.
875
What now?
876
Some people may say, what if I try this and fail?
877
Then try again.
878
Simple.
879
Very simple.
880
Because these patterns are old.
881
Yes.
882
People -pleasing can be very old.
883
Childhood old.
884
Family old.
885
Pain old.
886
Habit old.
887
So change may feel messy. Of course.
888
Maybe one day you say no clearly.
889
Good.
890
The next day you say yes, even when you do not want to. That happens.
891
But that does not mean nothing changed.
892
Exactly.
893
Growth is not clean.
894
Say it again.
895
Growth is not clean.
896
One more time.
897
Growth is not clean.
898
Good.
899
The goal is not perfect boundaries by tomorrow.
900
No. The goal is more truth than before.
901
Beautiful.
902
More self -respect than before.
903
Yes.
904
More peace than before.
905
Yes.
906
More honesty than before.
907
Yes.
908
Let me tell you a short story.
909
Please do.
910
A man I know always felt guilty when he rested.
911
Many people do.
912
If he sat down, he felt lazy.
913
Yes.
914
If he said no, he felt bad.
915
Yes.
916
If he stayed home, he felt like he was wasting time.
917
Very common.
918
One day, he became so tired that he could not ignore it anymore.
919
The body often tells the truth.
920
Exactly.
921
So what happened?
922
He stayed home on a Saturday with no plans.
923
Brave.
924
Very brave for him.
925
What did he do?
926
He slept longer.
927
Nice.
928
Ate a slow breakfast.
929
Good.
930
Took a walk.
931
Peaceful.
932
Read for a while.
933
Beautiful.
934
And at night, he said something interesting.
935
What?
936
He said, I thought rest would make me weak, but it made me feel human again.
937
Wow.
938
That stayed with me.
939
Me too.
940
Because many people are scared of the very thing that can heal them.
941
Rest.
942
Quiet.
943
Honesty.
944
Slower living.
945
Yes.
946
But these things can save a person.
947
They really can.
948
Here is the interesting part.
949
Tell me.
950
Sometimes choosing yourself does not look dramatic at all.
951
True.
952
It looks like turning your phone off.
953
Yes.
954
Going home early.
955
Yes.
956
Eating real food.
957
Yes.
958
Not answering every message immediately.
959
Yes.
960
Telling the truth kindly.
961
Yes.
962
Protecting your morning.
963
Yes.
964
Protecting your sleep.
965
Yes.
966
Protecting your peace.
967
Yes.
968
Small acts.
969
Big effect.
970
Small acts, big effect.
971
Good line.
972
Thank you we are getting close to the big message now
973
yes i can feel it me too before we get there
974
one more question okay what does it really mean to say
975
i choose myself it means i stop making myself last in every room wow it means i listen
976
when something hurts yes i believe my needs are real yes i stopped calling my pain overthinking
977
when it is actually truth powerful i stopped giving from an empty place.
978
Yes.
979
I stop teaching people that they can have endless access to me.
980
Big one.
981
I stop acting like disappearing inside relationships is love.
982
Wow.
983
And I start treating myself like someone worth protecting.
984
That is the climax.
985
Almost.
986
Almost.
987
One more step.
988
Go on.
989
Saying I choose myself does not mean I stop loving people.
990
Right.
991
It means I stop abandoning myself
992
while loving them there it is yes say it again slowly i stop abandoning myself
993
while loving other people that line may change someone's life i hope
994
so because many people think the only choices are these what choices be loving
995
or choose yourself but that is false exactly you can love people
996
and still be honest yes you can be kind and still have limits yes Yes.
997
You can be warm and still walk away from what hurts you.
998
Yes.
999
You can choose yourself without becoming cruel.
1000
That is the healing truth.
1001
Yes.
1002
So if somebody listening right now feels selfish for resting, for saying no, for asking for space, for choosing peace, listen carefully.
1003
Please do.
1004
You are not wrong for protecting your heart.
1005
You are not bad for needing rest.
1006
You are not cold for saying no. Yes.
1007
You are not selfish for wanting peace.
1008
Yes.
1009
You are human.
1010
Beautiful.
1011
And your life matters too.
1012
That's it.
1013
That's it.
1014
Before we end, let's give a simple recap.
1015
Good idea.
1016
Number one, choosing yourself is not selfishness.
1017
It's self -respect.
1018
Number two, a fake yes often creates hidden anger.
1019
Number three, calm, clear English helps protect your peace.
1020
Number four, guilt doesn't always mean you're wrong.
1021
Number five, boundaries show you which relationships are healthy.
1022
Number six, self -trust grows when you stop abandoning yourself.
1023
Number seven, rest is not laziness.
1024
Number eight, choosing yourself is saying yes to your own life.
1025
9. Growth is not clean, but it is still growth.
1026
10. You can love others without leaving yourself behind.
1027
That is a strong list.
1028
It is.
1029
If this conversation touched you, comment, I choose myself, below.
1030
Or comment one sentence you want to use this week.
1031
Maybe, I need rest.
1032
Maybe, I can't tonight.
1033
Maybe, I'm not available this weekend.
1034
Just one honest sentence.
1035
That is enough to begin.
1036
And if you want more real English conversations like this, like this video.
1037
Final question, Sarah.
1038
Okay.
1039
What is one sentence you want people to remember after today?
1040
Mine is this.
1041
Tell us.
1042
Being kind to others should not require being cruel to yourself.
1043
Wow.
1044
What about you?
1045
Mine is simple.
1046
Go ahead.
1047
I choose myself means I matter too.
1048
Beautiful.
1049
Thank you.
1050
Thank you for being here with us.
1051
Thank you for listening.
1052
Protect your peace.
1053
Protect your time.
1054
Protect your sleep.
1055
Protect your heart.
1056
Speak honestly.
1057
Rest without shame.
1058
Love people well.
1059
But do not leave yourself behind.
1060
See you in the next episode.
1061
Bye.
1062
Bye.
1063
Welcome to English Academy Podcast.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 1063 sentences and 4996 words to shadow. The speech runs for 31:21. The speaker talks at a natural 159 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 89% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 less common words from the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
- boundary /ˈbaʊndɹi/ (noun) — The dividing line or location between two areas.
- painful /ˈpeɪn.fl̩/ (adjective) — Causing pain or distress, either physical or mental.
- abandon /əˈbæn.dən/ (verb) — To give up or relinquish control of, to surrender or to give oneself over, or to yield to one's emotions.
- uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/ (adjective) — Not comfortable; causing discomfort.
- guilt /ɡɪlt/ (noun) — Responsibility for wrongdoing.
- heal /ˈhiːl/ (verb) — To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure.
- selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/ (adjective) — Holding one's own self-interest as the standard for decision making.
- resentment /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/ (noun) — Anger or displeasure stemming from belief that one or one's group has been wronged or betrayed by others; indignation.
- anger /ˈæŋɡə/ (noun) — A strong and unpleasant feeling of displeasure, hostility, or antagonism, usually combined with an urge to yell, curse, damage or destroy things, or harm…
- rude /ɹuːd/ (adjective) — Lacking in refinement or civility; bad-mannered; discourteous.
- habit /ˈhæb.ɪt/ (noun) — An action performed on a regular basis.
- quietly /ˈkwaɪ.ɪt.li/ (adverb) — Producing little or no noise.
- honesty /ˈɑ.nɪ.sti/ (noun) — The act, quality, or condition of being honest.
- ignore /ɪɡˈnɔː/ (verb) — To deliberately not listen or pay attention to.
- silence /ˈsaɪ̯ləns/ (noun) — The absence of any sound.
Phrasal verbs you will hear
- talk about (verb) — Used to draw attention to the speaker's characterization of someone or something.
- go ahead /ˌɡoʊ əˈhɛd/ (verb) — To proceed with; to begin.
- ask for (verb) — To request; to order.
- look for (verb) — To seek.
- sit down (verb) — To assume a sitting position from a standing position.
- come for (verb) — To search for someone with the intent to apprehend or cause harm.
- find out (verb) — To discover, as by asking or investigating.
- go on /ˈɡoʊˌɒn/ (verb) — To continue in extent.
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 47 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, can't, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, unhealthy /ʌnˈhɛl.θi/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, shake /ˈʃeɪk/, distraction /dɪsˈtɹæk.ʃən/, selfishness /ˈsɛl.fɪʃ.nəs/
- Long words — get the stress right: uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, priority /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, availability /əˌveɪ.ləˈbɪl.ɪ.ti/, unlimited /ʌnˈlɪm.ɪ.tɪd/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like boundary, painful, abandon.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | if people really care, they will just · If something hurts, I will listen · If I need rest, I will notice |
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to call · used to asking |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | be liked · be said · was already exhausted |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have said · have lost |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.