Shadowing Practice: Good communicator secrets nobody tells you - Learn English Speaking with Video

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The losers, the conversations that produced the worst connection, the most awkwardness were, what do you do?

Why?

So these last two, how are you and what do you do?

They're very socially scripted, right?

The moment we ask those questions, our brain goes into autopilot.

So there's a lack, it's more of a performance.

There's a lack of excitement in the conversation.

And they ran out of things to talk about.

They're fact -based questions.

And this is the trap of what we'll call level one conversation, which is you are trapped in fact.

Where are you from? got any kids, married, the facts are dead ends, right?

So it's very hard for someone to break out of that fact because they're stuck in that social script.

The best conversation starter was actually a sneaker.

I was like, well, interesting that this one did best by lot.

It was, what was the highlight of your day?

Now, what this question does psychologically, it sounds casual.

Well, first of all, it's not too deep.

A mistake that extroverts can make is they ask too deep, too quickly, right?

They're like, what is your greatest goal in life?

And you're like, I don't know you, right?

So it's not too deep, but it's a subtle replacement for how are you.

You're actually asking the other person's brain to search for optimism.

You're literally inviting their brain to think like, what was good?

And then they think, well, highlighted my day.

So one, we just broke autopilot.

The moment someone goes, oh, and they're thinking for the first time, their brain goes, ooh, we get to do something new.

So they got to think of something new, and it was immediate.

It wasn't like a too big of a question.

The second question was, have anything exciting you're working on?

This is kind of a subtle replacement for what do you do, right?

If someone likes what they do, they're going to talk about it, but they're going to reframe it in something exciting.

And if someone isn't defined by what they do, they're going to share something better.

The third question, very, very simple, was do you have any fun plans coming up?

These questions, the first three, are literally searching for good.

You're inviting the other person to only think about good things and we're juicing excitement from other parts of their life.

Now the fourth question, this fourth question, people either loved it or they hated it.

They either gave it a five, that was like the most connective thing I felt all week,

or a zero, and a zero wasn't even an option on my scale.

It was the question, what's your story?

Extroverts tend to default to that question because they want to go a little bit deeper.

But actually, that is a level three question.

It is way too advanced.

For someone who's introverted or someone who has never framed their story that quickly, they're immediately put into cortisol.

They're immediately put into fight or flight.

They're like, what's my story?

How can I give that to you so quickly?

So you're by accident putting them into conversational fear.

This is when I realized there's a hierarchy.

Dr. Dan McAdams found that conversation is actually not as fluid as we would like to think

that actually when we're trying to connect with someone else, we are trying to move through three distinct levels.

Level one is called general traits.

This is why in those first few minutes, you're basically trying to Google fact check someone.

Like, where are you from?

What do you do?

Married.

Where do you live in LA?

Right?

Like you're trying to ask all those questions because there's a sort of social hierarchy.

Our brain processes social facts from least intimate to most intimate.

So we cannot get to know someone on their deepest dreams and worries if we don't know the basic facts about them.

So that is why we often fall into that trap of those fact -based questions.

The key here is that really good level one question is taking those facts but adding story, but adding emotion.

So the best way to do level one better is you're swapping out those bad questions, right?

How are you?

What do you do?

With looking for a story.

I truly believe a fact is a stop sign.

A story is a doorway.

Okay, so one of them, we actually can place it on here, is what's your personal passion project, okay?

Now, what's your personal passion project is actually a hunt for stories, right?

And would you open with that?

Is that what you're saying?

Or is it doesn't really matter?

It has to come.

It can come in the first few minutes.

Now, I probably wouldn't walk into a room and be like, what's your personal passion project, Stephen?

Right?

It's a little bit much.

We have to do our basic first impression, and we can talk about, you know, first 10 words in a little bit.

But as an opener question, it's better than how are you.

And I have to pause here and say, everything I'm going to share takes a little bit of conversational courage.

It's really safe to ask how are you.

It's really safe to ask what do you do.

But if you want to be memorable, if you want to actually spark connection, those won't serve you.

So it does take a little bit of courage to ask this, but the answers you're going to get are incredibly interesting.

You're going to get stories.

You're going to get a hint at values.

If you want to know if they're married or have kids, they probably will tell you by accident.

So it's like a hunt for stories.

Same with, I mentioned this one in the study, so working on anything exciting these days.

This is, again, one of my favorite swap questions because you're hunting for something good.

Now, when I think about conversation in level one, you're trying to gift someone a chemical cocktail.

a little bit.

And I think in level one, these two questions are doing a lot of heavy lifting.

They are now competing with your feed.

I went to a PTA meeting recently, and those are torture, if you've ever been to one for any parents watching.

What's a PTA meeting?

Oh, a parent -teacher meeting.

Okay.

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Right.

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So a bunch of other parents in the room.

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And I wanted to go meet other moms because I just moved across the country to try to meet more people.

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And I was excited.

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I was like, Okay, I'm going to meet more moms.

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Here we go.

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And I walk in the room and everyone's scrolling.

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Everyone's on their feed.

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And I realize, wow, conversation now is not just about a way for me to make friends.

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It actually has to compete with that feed.

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I have to make my questions and my answers so dopamine worthy that they're actually going to beat that feed.

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Otherwise, they're going to go right back to their phone.

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That is why these have to do more lifting because if I want to compete with the feed, I have to produce dopamine,

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a little bit of excitement, a little bit of motivation.

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I also have to create what I would call, forgive me for this word, but conversational confetti.

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This is like, we got to lift a little bit more in our conversations

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because otherwise someone's going to go right back to scrolling.

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Their brain is somewhere else.

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Either their brain is in their email list or their brain is on their feed.

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When I was studying amazing conversationalists, one of the one people I studied is Howard Stern.

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So however you feel about Howard Stern, he is a master conversationalist.

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I mean, he can carry on long, very interesting.

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He gets people to say things that I could never imagine.

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So I analyzed thousands of transcripts of his interviews, and I found one pattern.

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He does a very good job of creating information gaps.

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So he'll say, what's the weirdest thing you've ever done?

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Or he'll say, the most surprising thing that happened to me yesterday, you want to hear what it was?

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And your brain doesn't like not knowing.

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So when it hears the most surprising, the weirdest, the biggest, the worst, the most embarrassing, the brain creates this gap.

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Like it's this information gap where the brain is like, I have to know what is the weirdest thing.

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So also what happens with these kinds of questions is we're creating these little information gaps

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and actually saying and using in conversation these phrases is a way that we can create more intrigue and interest.

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And I know that sounds like, what?

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But think about this.

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If something crazy happened to you yesterday and you walk into dinner

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and you're like guys the craziest thing happened to me yesterday everyone's like phones down right

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now I couldn't say something boring

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I couldn't be like I was stuck in traffic yeah unless you want to be funny

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but I think that looking for opportunities to create

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that little bit of conversational confetti they come up with questions like this this is the last one

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so have any fun plans coming up

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now the reason why this one is important I agonized over this over this third question

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because there's three questions for each level is have any fun

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plans coming up is a subtle way to bring up potential shared future psychologically speaking we bond with someone

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when we feel like we could do something fun with them

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or they're doing something fun that i would also like to do i think

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that part of these questions is being known for asking better questions like being known for searching for hunting

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or hunting for excitement because what happen is with people who know you at work

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or your work friends or outside of work friends is they'll bring these things to you.

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They know that you're going to ask out personal passions.

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So next time you get to say, hey, last time we were talking, you mentioned XYZ.

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How's that going?

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So they also become your callbacks.

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They make conversation easier later.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This speaking lesson is built on the video “Good communicator secrets nobody tells you”. This video has 153 sentences and 1728 words to shadow. The speech runs for 8:37. The speaker talks fast, about 201 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow. 36 of its 153 sentences are questions, so it is good practice for question intonation and short answers.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
passion noun	/ˈpæʃən/	A true desire sustained or prolonged.
excitement noun	/ɪkˈsaɪtmənt/	The state of being excited (emotionally aroused).
compete verb	/kəmˈpiːt/	To be in battle or in a rivalry with another for the same thing, position, or reward; to contend.
trap noun	/tɹæp/	A machine or other device designed to catch (and sometimes kill) animals, either by holding them in a container, or by catching hold of part of the body.
subtle adjective	/ˈsʌtəl/	Of an action or movement: very delicate or slight, and thus barely noticeable; not obvious; inconspicuous, unintrusive.
gap noun	/ɡæp/	An opening in anything, made by breaking or parting.
replacement noun	/ɹɪˈpleɪsmənt/	A person or thing that takes the place of another; a substitute.
script noun	/skɹɪpt/	A writing; a written document.
courage noun	/ˈkʌ.ɹɪd͡ʒ/	The quality of being confident, not afraid or easily intimidated, but without being incautious or inconsiderate.
invite verb	/ɪnˈvaɪt/	To ask for the presence or participation of someone or something.
highlight verb	/ˈhaɪˌlaɪt/	To make prominent; emphasize.
intimate adjective	/ˈɪn.tɪ.mət/	Closely acquainted; familiar.
swap verb	/ˈswɑp/	To exchange or give (something) in an non-normal exchange (for something else).
scroll noun	/skɹoʊl/	A roll of paper or parchment; a writing formed into a roll.
hierarchy noun	/ˈhaɪ.ə.ɹɑː(ɹ).ki/	A body of authoritative officials organized in nested ranks.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
come up verb	To emerge or become known, especially unexpectedly.
ask out verb	To invite somebody, especially on a date.
bring up verb	To mention.
come up with verb	To manage to produce, deliver, or present (something) by inventing, creating, thinking of, or obtaining it.

Sentences worth repeating

Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:

It was, what was the highlight of your day?
They're like, what is your greatest goal in life?
It was the question, what's your story?
They're like, what's my story?
Is that what you're saying?

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	are trapped · isn't defined · is called
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	has never framed · you've ever been · you've ever done
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	conversation, which is · someone who has · people who know

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 54 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, they're, we're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: passion /ˈpæʃən/, impression /ɪmˈpɹɛʃn̩/, casual /ˈkæʒ(u)əl/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/
Long words — get the stress right: hierarchy /ˈhaɪ.ə.ɹɑː(ɹ).ki/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/, optimism /ˈɑptɪmɪzəm/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like passion, excitement, compete.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: Good communicator secrets nobody tells you - Learn English Speaking with Video

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