Shadowing Practice: how to ACTUALLY be yourself (when you've forgotten who that is) - Learn English Speaking with YouTube
C1
I want you to think about the last time someone asked you a question and you paused.
237 sentences
If sentences are too short or too long, click Edit to adjust them.
1
I want you to think about the last time someone asked you a question and you paused.
2
And that pause wasn't because you didn't know the answer.
3
That pause was because you were calculating, is this the right thing to say?
4
Are they going to judge me?
5
Is this too much?
6
Is that weird?
7
Would someone else say something better than that?
8
That pause right there, that's inauthenticity.
9
And I spent years of my life doing that, adjusting my opinions carefully depending on who was in the room, laughing at jokes I didn't even find funny, dating guys I wasn't even attracted to but they liked me first.
10
And it wasn't me trying to be fake.
11
I just genuinely didn't know who I actually was underneath all of that performance because growing up the priority becomes I need to feel liked and safe and popular and loved and not rejected by everyone.
12
The scariest part about inauthenticity is that it's not about lying.
13
It's about slowly forgetting who you are because you've spent more of your life choosing safety over your truth to the point where now you've genuinely forgotten what you like, what you think, what you want and what you actually believe.
14
And it's so frustrating because everyone's always saying just be authentic, just be yourself.
15
But what if you don't even know who that is?
16
This video is the ultimate guide to reclaiming your truth and being authentic
17
and in a way that nobody's ever said it before because we all know the importance of it, but we don't actually know the mindset shifts and actionable steps that we can take to actually implement this into our life and make that transition quickly and efficiently.
18
And the reason this is so important is did you know that when people are on their deathbeds, when they are about to pass and they're at the end of their lives, do you know what the number one regret they say they have is?
19
Majority of them have this in common.
20
They all say, I wish I had lived a life that was truer to myself and I didn't worry about what other people thought of me as much.
21
And after learning that fact a few years ago my biggest fear in life was letting decades of my life pass by realizing that i was never truly myself i never
22
took the time to find out who that was and actually designed the woman i wanted to be to suit my standards in my dream life and instead realize i wasted so
23
much time caring about people that in the grand scheme of things was so so irrelevant you get one life you better live it to the fullest before we get into it i just
24
want to quickly mention my brand self-obsessed journal i make journals that help you grow to the best version of yourself manifest your dreams and they are so different to any other guided journal on the the market.
25
I can promise you that.
26
I won't talk about it here but all the information is on my website and they are specifically designed with techniques that I use in my day-to-day life to help you become
27
the best version of yourself so you don't have to spend years of your life reading all the books trying to master self-growth and manifestation but instead just answering each prompt does all the work for you.
28
This video has also been brought to you by Squarespace.
29
Squarespace is an all-in-one website platform that has been designed to help you stand out and succeed online regardless of your business experience.
30
So whether you've never ever set up a business or you're realizing we're almost halfway through 2026.
31
I've been working on my business and I've reached a lot of my goals but I just want to take it to the next level and I don't know how.
32
Squarespace has got you wherever you're at on that journey.
33
Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place.
34
Let's say you're just starting out and you have no business experience whatsoever.
35
You don't even know where to get started.
36
This is where Squarespace domains come in because every single dream needs a domain.
37
Squarespace domains makes it easy for you to find the best name for your business at one fair all-inclusive price.
38
There are no hidden fees or add-ons required.
39
Every Squarespace domain comes with advanced privacy and security tools included to ensure your domain remains online and protected.
40
This way you don't have to wait to claim your name, you can invest in your dream domain today, literally right now.
41
Another amazing tool Squarespace has for smaller businesses or people that are just starting out and they don't quite know how they're going to get all of their sales is with Squarespace's SEO tools.
42
Because now every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated sitemap, and so much more.
43
So this way you show up more on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers, even if you've just started out and no one even knows what you do.
44
And I love that.
45
So you guys can use my specific link right here or click it in the description to start your free trial.
46
And this link with my code will get you 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.
47
Chapter number one, why you lost yourself in the first place.
48
Before we get into how you can be authentic, first we need to figure out why you lost your authenticity in the first place.
49
Because no one was born performing and everybody can look back at their inner child and their younger years and see that they were so freely themselves without having so much as a second thought.
50
Where did all of that go?
51
You used to be so confident and unapologetically yourself until the world told you it wasn't safe for you to do so.
52
Like think about it, you said no when you didn't want to do something.
53
You cried when you wanted to cry.
54
Maybe you had absolutely no dance skill or experience, but you would still gather your closest friends or family members to put on a show for them because you didn't give an F about shame or being embarrassed or being judged for your behavior.
55
But the thing is, slowly we get older and we start to develop the desire to want to fit in and to be loved by everyone and to be popular.
56
And so one day you might express one of your most authentic, realist opinions and maybe people look at you weird.
57
Maybe they don't agree.
58
Maybe you're rejected for it, judged for it, or even laughed at it.
59
And for the first time in your life, you experience what it's like to be an outsider in your group.
60
And the worst part of that feeling is that in that moment you were rejected, you were being fully, genuinely yourself.
61
So the safest thing to do in that situation is stop being myself, start performing.
62
Because if I'm not myself and I get rejected, then it doesn't hurt as bad.
63
And this is where inauthenticity is born.
64
It's a trauma response.
65
When you were punished for having a certain emotion or reaction by your family members, or you were laughed at for being too much or too weird by your classmates,
66
your brain saw that as being myself equals danger, equals sadness, equals rejection, equals really uncomfortable feelings that I need to avoid at any point possible.
67
And so your body biologically is gonna do what it's meant to do, which is your nervous system protecting you from that feeling.
68
So then becoming a people pleaser and not being able to say no and never having any boundaries isn't you being a weak person.
69
It's just how you were taught to survive and what you had to do to cope growing up.
70
You are now a grown woman and you struggle to make decisions.
71
You don't even know who you are.
72
If you don't know who you are and you can't make decisions and you can't set boundaries, how are your friends in your life?
73
Really your friends?
74
How do you know if the person you're dating is really the person meant for you?
75
It just opens up a huge world of problems.
76
And for argument's sake, let's say you don't relate to any of what I just said.
77
You were absolutely fine as a kid, you enjoyed school, you were thriving as a teenager,
78
but just because you've gotten to your mid-20s and you've been fine so far doesn't mean that the trap of inauthenticity isn't going to hit you because there are several different ways that women lose themselves and it can stay with you for years.
79
Once you know what these ways are, then you can help yourself by avoiding them.
80
The first cause of inauthenticity is relationships.
81
Dating the wrong person before you're fully secure, before you've gone on your self-love journey can destroy yourself esteem and your sense of identity.
82
If you don't have that strong sense of self and foundation first before you start dating somebody, you are naturally going to start to mirror them,
83
you are going to mold into the person you think they want you to be, you are going to shrink so that you are more digestible, so that you're the cool easygoing girlfriend and that's why you'll find when you go through the breakup and the relationship ends, you look at yourself and your life and the choices you've made and you don't even know who the f you are anymore.
84
That has happened to me more times than I can count, I'll be honest.
85
The second way is social media because you get so used to performing your life instead of living it and posting the most perfectly curated images and getting trapped into thinking you always need to look your best with the best lighting and the best angles and the best looks when that's not real life at all.
86
You learn what's going to get you the best reactions online and the best engagement and it tricks you into thinking that's who you have to be in every waking second of your life when in actuality every single person on social media,
87
even the people with millions of followers have negative emotions, they have their darkest moments, they react in not the prettiest of ways, they don't look their best 24-7, so you're putting all this pressure on yourself for no reason.
88
Then we have the fear of rejection combined with the need to be liked, which we've already spoken about,
89
but all I want to add to this is the most exhausting thing about the need to be liked is that you are always on and you are always so highly perceptive of what people might be making out of what you're doing and what you're saying and what your actions are,
90
and the saddest part of that all is your closest friends and the closest people in your life, you're not even giving them a fair shot at bonding with you and making a deep connection with you because they are never going to know the real you as far as you are concerned with being liked.
91
And the biggest freedom you are ever going to experience as a woman is when you are open to being perceived as messy or ugly or big or emotional or sensitive.
92
Yes, it means that a lot of people might fall away.
93
It means that people might judge you easily, but guess what?
94
Those were never your people.
95
And the more open you are to being vulnerable and being okay with the fact that some people might hate this.
96
Some people might find me so polarizing.
97
Good, because it means the people I have truly are my ride or dies and really just like me for me.
98
And finally, you can also lose your inauthenticity by always trying to control the outcome.
99
And this is the most subtle one of them all.
100
When you are trying to control how people might perceive you or what you're going to get out of a certain situation, again, you are just not fully being yourself.
101
You have to hide away certain parts of yourself.
102
You have to control your reactions.
103
You have to control your responses to things.
104
Every time you try to stay agreeable or try to show up as a certain role in a relationship with somebody, whether it be your coworker or your friend,
105
so that you can control the outcome of how this person sees you, how they talk about you, how they respond to you, where they put you in their life, you are simply making the gap between you and those people or you and these certain situations even bigger.
106
And the root of it is if I actually show up as myself, if I don't mentally prepare myself by rehearsing what I'm going to say and what I'm going to do, you might think less of me or you might not like me or this might not go in the way that I told myself it was going to go because that's what I prepared for.
107
But you can't prepare for life and it's never going to be certain.
108
Chapter two, what authenticity actually means.
109
And trust me, it's not what you think.
110
Can we all please just collectively agree to stop saying, just be yourself?
111
Because what does that even mean?
112
And this is my term core definition of authenticity, okay?
113
Let me tell you what it's not first.
114
It's not saying every single thought that crosses your mind.
115
It's not oversharing.
116
It's not being vulnerable with people that haven't deserved it.
117
It is very simply the absence of the gap between who you really are and who you're pretending to be.
118
But so many people get it twisted.
119
They think if I overshare that I'm being my most authentic self by posting a crying selfie of myself on the internet.
120
But even that can be performative.
121
Even that can be scheduled content.
122
Trying to control a certain narrative or perception of you by your audience online.
123
Again, oversharing, dumping all your emotions and all of your situations on someone is not authenticity.
124
I would actually say it's quite bad energetic hygiene.
125
Then there are the people that love to say, you've changed, you're not the same anymore, you know, I've always been the real me, I'm who I've always been, therefore I'm authentic.
126
I disagree.
127
I think the most authentic people are the people who aren't afraid to take up space in their evolution and in their self-growth.
128
At the end of the day, if you always feel a pressure to go back to who you used to be and to shrink to that version and always stay the same to make other people comfortable,
129
again, you're just conforming and performing for the comfort of other people rather than staying true to yourself and the journey that you're meant to go on in this life.
130
So back to my definition.
131
When it comes to this definition, you need to remember there are two parts of yourself, your core self and your adaptive self.
132
Your core self are your values, your instincts, your real genuine reactions and your actual desires.
133
Basically all the things have always been a part of you for as long as you can remember, literally ever since you were a child.
134
The things that nobody else has had an influence over.
135
On the other hand, your adaptive self is the one that you build and design to get by in day-to-day life.
136
Whether it be to be liked and approved of in a work scenario or an interview or to feel safe in a certain situation.
137
Both are real and both are you and both serve a really important purpose in your life.
138
But the problem is that most people are running on their adaptive self 90% of the time and just lose the thread back to their core selves.
139
That's why you feel like you're always on, you're always drained.
140
Whereas if you start practicing being your core self more, being more honest about who you are, not needing to perform, then you're finally serving your future self and your life rather than trying to control it.
141
At the end of the day, even if you are your true unhinged real self and that makes other people uncomfortable, good because you are a person, not a museum exhibit to be admired, stared at, judged, watched.
142
You are allowed to change, you are allowed to be a completely different person than who you were two years ago, you are allowed to outdo people's perception or idea or expectations of you.
143
And now to really help you step into this authentic core self mindset, we've got to bring in our girls, Lola and Athena to illustrate my point.
144
Now Lola, she's been performing for a long time.
145
She has no idea who she is.
146
She has no idea how to get back there.
147
And so this is how she responds in difficult situations where she's always being adaptive and she's always prioritizing other people.
148
Not very self-loving.
149
Whereas Athena, on the other hand, she has worked back to find her core self to serve herself and her life and her needs and stop letting other people be the priority in a life that she is supposed to be living.
150
So this is what Lola and Athena would respond to if somebody was asking their opinion on some plans that they'd made.
151
Oh, oh no.
152
Oh my god.
153
No, it's so good.
154
Yeah, I love that.
155
Yeah, no, I've never done that, but that's so cool.
156
I need to try that.
157
Yeah, oh, nice.
158
No, it's not really my thing, but I can see why you'd love it.
159
Yeah, I hope you have fun.
160
You see the difference?
161
Both girls, it wasn't really their thing.
162
It didn't really align with their values, but Lola feels the need to act up and find common ground with somebody that she literally doesn't even have common ground with.
163
Make it make sense.
164
Scenario two, when someone cancels on you, last minute.
165
Oh, you're cancelling?
166
No, honestly, don't even worry.
167
Yeah, no, it's so fine.
168
Yeah, no big deal.
169
I wasn't even bothered.
170
Like, it doesn't even affect my day.
171
Yeah, no, don't worry.
172
Okay, see ya.
173
Oh, really, you're cancelling?
174
I mean, yeah,
175
I was looking forward to it um but yeah no it's okay we'll rearrange I get it again Lola doesn't know how to truly express her
176
feelings and the fact that that put a hole in her plans and her schedule but she wasn't able to express her true feelings and disappointment it's never
177
about being rude it's just about being truthful in your experience and lastly this is how they'd react if someone was asking where they wanted to go out to eat oh I don't mind no I'm so easy no I love both of those options.
178
Yeah, we can go wherever you want.
179
No, honestly, I don't even mind.
180
Of course she minds.
181
Everyone minds.
182
Everyone has a favorite of where they would prefer to go.
183
Honestly, I'm really in the mood for sushi.
184
Are you down?
185
Yeah, cool.
186
Let's go.
187
And just like that, Athena was a respectful, kind queen who was definitely open to what the other person was going to say, but in the end, got to go to her favorite restaurant.
188
Therefore, ended up having an amazing experience.
189
And that's the thing.
190
Nobody teaches you that whether you are inauthentic or authentic, it always lives in the tiny moments, the day-to-day questions, the tiny little scenarios that no one really thinks that deeply into.
191
But the way that you respond, the way you choose to act, the way that you choose to be honest or try to play up to somebody else's preferences really determines whether you are mastering authenticity.
192
It's not being fake or pretending to be someone you're not or telling these big lies.
193
It's the saying you don't mind when you kind of do.
194
And finally, chapter number three, the homework, aka all of the actionable steps that you can start implementing today to be a truer, more authentic version of yourself.
195
Homework task number one is coming back home to your true authentic opinions so that that can be your new normal again.
196
So for the next 48 hours, I want you to make note of every single time somebody asks you a question or asks your opinion, say whatever you feels right,
197
and then either at the end of the day, I want you to journal about this or just make a note of it in your mind what would you have rather actually said in that situation.
198
For example, if someone's asked you to do a favor for them or to come to a place that you don't really want to come to but you felt too pressured, too scared to set a boundary and say no, so you just acted really nice and you people pleased your way through it even though that wasn't authentic to you.
199
That's okay, it's a process.
200
But at the end of the day, journal about what you wished you'd said and maybe what stopped you from saying it in the moment.
201
What was the worst case scenario?
202
How would you have been better off if you actually just said your authentic opinion?
203
This first homework task isn't about being perfect and making that transformation overnight because that's not realistic.
204
It's simply about reconnecting with the fact that you have an opinion, that you're not constantly automatically adapting to what other people want and forgetting your voice.
205
After doing this a few times, your brain will start clocking how many times you erase your voice and erase who you are when somebody asks your opinion.
206
And the more that you clock onto it and the more you notice, the more that you can actually start responding in a way that serves you.
207
Task number two is the social media audit.
208
Basically, I want you to go through your social media pages and your platforms, look through maybe just your last 10 posts on each platform and ask yourself, really, why did I post this?
209
Did I post this because I loved it?
210
Or did I post it because I thought other people would like me for it?
211
Or I thought it would gain me a certain perception that I want to create from other people.
212
Ask yourself, did I overly edit this?
213
Because I felt like the natural version of it wasn't good enough.
214
This task is simply all about recognizing the pattern of how you're showing up online, why you're showing up in that way, and what's causing you in your life to decide to perform.
215
Where is that coming from?
216
It's about figuring out what are you trying to make public and what are you trying to put out there versus what are the actual real authentic moments of your life that you really wanna keep off the record.
217
It doesn't mean you need to post those moments, but it's just really useful to understand why do I wanna hide these things and why do I really wanna show these things?
218
Task number three is my favorite, and this is all about hobbies.
219
And now I've heard so many people say this before that like one of the best things you can do for yourself in your early 20s and in your adulthood is to get back to the things that you used to love to do as a child.
220
all of those things are such amazing core parts of you because you took up those hobbies and you did those activities without thinking.
221
They were just truly such an authentic part of yourself because it didn't take any decision making to do.
222
So an example of how I've done this for myself actually I went back to this in 2020 so six years ago now but basically I grew up doing
223
a lot of art doing a lot of painting and drawing I was always a really autistic kid and I stepped away from that because people told me art couldn't be
224
a career and it wasn't realistic and it was a waste of time because you go to grind and you go to hustle instead and don't get me wrong I do
225
focus on my businesses and work but drawing where I come in my free time was really really reconnected me to my inner child and who I
226
was back then and again it's not about shrinking yourself or going back in time or trying to be your younger self again it's about discovering why did I love this in the first
227
place and really exploring that cool part of yourself again that you let go and you've forgotten about the next homework task is a little bit of a hard one and you might
228
have to work your way up to this but I have to say this because this is one of my personal favorites to experiment with and it's basically the rejection
229
therapy homework task which is first recognizing where am I at my most inauthentic for example is it at the workplace and the fact that in
230
a meeting I have to wait until somebody else speaks first before then volunteering my idea or is it the fact that when a colleague
231
asks me something I'm always adapting to their opinion let's say we've realized that's where we're at most inauthentic it's then challenging yourself over the next few days to to take baby steps in starting to say no, in starting to be a little bit more unhinged and in starting to say your authentic opinion.
232
So if you're at school, maybe it's the fact that you're gonna sit at the front of the classroom first and you're gonna be the first kid to raise your hand to say an answer that day.
233
Whether you get the answer right or wrong does not matter, but the fact that you took that action is one step forward to a more authentic identity than the one that you had yesterday and that is a win.
234
And the very last thing I wanna say for this video is that the most authentic version of you, She exists.
235
She's real.
236
She's already within you right now.
237
All she's doing is waiting for you to stop hiding her and to stop apologizing for her.
Download App
Everything you need to speak fluently
AI PronunciationScore every sentence
IPA PracticeMaster every sound
VocabularyBuild your word bank
Vocab GameLearn while playing
Why practice speaking with this video?
This video, centered around the theme of authenticity, offers a rich context for practicing English speaking skills. When you engage in shadow speech with content that addresses deep personal experiences, you not only enhance your vocabulary but also learn to express emotions and thoughts effectively. By imitating the speaker, you can significantly improve your English pronunciation, making your speech more natural and engaging. This context is particularly beneficial for those preparing for exams like IELTS, where expressing genuine opinions and feelings can be crucial for scoring well in the speaking section.
Grammar & Expressions in Context
Within the transcript, several key structures stand out that can be useful in everyday conversation:
- Conditional Clauses: The speaker uses phrases like "What if you don’t even know who that is?" This structure helps learners express hypothetical situations effectively.
- Rhetorical Questions: The frequent use of rhetorical questions such as "Did you know that when people are on their deathbeds..." encourages thoughtful responses and provides a conversational tone, making discussions more engaging.
- Phrasal Verbs: Expressions like “caring about” and “living a life that was truer” demonstrate how phrasal verbs can create a nuanced meaning in speech.
- Present Perfect: The speaker mentions, “I’ve spent years of my life doing that,” highlighting how the present perfect tense can be used to discuss experiences relevant to the present moment.
Common Pronunciation Traps
As with any spoken content, certain words and phrases can present pronunciation challenges. Here are some notable examples to practice:
- “Authenticity”: This word can be tricky due to its syllable stress. Focus on emphasizing the third syllable: au-THEN-ti-city.
- “Judged” vs. “Judging”: The difference between the past and present forms can sometimes lead to confusion in pronunciation. Ensure you articulate the '-ed' ending clearly in the past form.
- “Regret”: The final 't' can be soft or hard depending on your accent. Practicing it in sentences can help solidify your pronunciation.
Incorporating these expressions and structures into your own speaking will enhance your fluency and prepare you for practical speaking scenarios. Regular use of the shadowing technique with this video not only sharpens your skills but also helps engrain these important aspects of English communication into your daily practice.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.
☕ Buy us a coffee
ShadowingEnglish remains 100% free thanks to your support. Server and AI costs are high — your coffee keeps us going! 🙏