Shadowing Practice: How to ACTUALLY heal your nervous system, NOT just "hacks" - Learn English Speaking with YouTube
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You know that moment right before you lose it?
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You know that moment right before you lose it?
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When you start to feel tension in your body,
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maybe your thoughts are racing,
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and the next thing you're about to do is either blow up,
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figure out an escape plan, or shut down completely.
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That was me a few days ago.
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But something was different this time.
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I was actually able to shift out of fight or flight in real time.
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Today I'll be breaking down what nervous system regulation actually is,
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and it's not just about being calm and I'm bothered all the time.
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I'll walk you through exactly what I did in that moment,
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why you might be stuck repeating a cycle even with all the tools that you've learned,
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and how to shift from managing the symptoms to healing the root.
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If you're new here, hi my name is Dia
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and I help people navigate the messy middle by taking transformation
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and making it playful instead of painful and approaching it with curiosity instead of control.
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If you want to work together,
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you can check out my website below.
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I'll be using the polyvagal framework today.
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It is a really helpful model to help us understand how our nervous system works
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and why we respond the way that we do.
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Our autonomic nervous system has three main pathways.
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Ventral vagal is when we experience safety, connection, and openness.
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Sympathetic is mobility, fight or flight.
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And dorsal vagal is that freeze, collapse, shutdown, disconnection.
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Our nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of safety,
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danger, and threats before our conscious mind can even register it.
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And we do this by a process called neuroception.
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It is scanning for things that are happening inside of us.
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It's also scanning for things that are happening on the outside or other people we're engaged with.
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The problem is that a lot of us early on did not receive consistent co-regulation.
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And in one form or another,
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we might have experienced abandonment or engulfment,
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learning that we are either too much,
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our needs are too much,
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or that we ourselves are not enough,
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or at least experiencing things that have instilled these stories within us.
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And our nervous system created associations and strategies to help keep us safe.
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And now anything that resembles that threat activates our system.
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Maybe it's a slight change in someone's tone.
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Maybe somebody's asking for a little bit of space.
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Our body is responding to a learned pattern and not necessarily always what's in the present moment.
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Here's something we need to understand.
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These strategies were actually useful back then.
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And even if they feel frustrating now,
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even if it feels like they're out of your control,
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they kept us safe when we needed it to.
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So what does a healthy and regulated nervous system actually looks like?
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We already talked about it's not being calm and collected and detached or unbothered all the time.
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Whoa, the light just changed.
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It's about having the flexibility to shift states.
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Think of it like this.
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When we're dysregulated, we're inside of a washing machine.
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Something happens and you're being tossed around,
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either mobilized, ready to fight or flight, or shut down.
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And we cannot find the ability to return to a state of connection.
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A regulated nervous system is more like having the dial,
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that we are able to shift gears between states.
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Focused energy when we need it,
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rest when it's safe, appropriate anger when the situation calls for it.
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A true healthy nervous system is having access to the full range,
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not trying to silence our responses,
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but also not having them run the show based on old scripts.
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So what might be keeping us stuck?
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There is a good reason why we can armor ourselves with all the tools
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and exercises to help us manage our nervous system,
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yet still feeling like we're in the washing machine.
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It is because there's a deeper pattern,
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not just one thing, but it's a combination of our mind,
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the stories, our relational wound patterns,
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as well as our bodies.
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And one of the core drivers is when we're operating from conditional self-worth.
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If we're constantly proving ourselves people pleasing,
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overdoing, or running away and protecting ourselves by choosing disconnection,
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our nervous system never gets to rest.
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It is constantly scanning our bodies inside as well as external variables for perceived threat.
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Am I doing enough?
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Did I upset someone?
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Did I say too much?
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So here's how I regulated my nervous system in real time.
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So a few days ago when I did feel that surge,
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that heat, the agitation, the fluttering in my stomach,
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I did use the tools.
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I used long breaths, taking in inhales deeply
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and longer exhales to get myself into a more regulated state by activating my parasympathetic nervous system.
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However, that wouldn't have been enough because the story that would have been running in the background would not have stopped.
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But I was able to find a pause and bring awareness and choice in that moment.
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This all comes from an understanding that that part of me that's acting out,
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that's feeling the agitation is not my enemy.
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It's a part that is wanting to be heard,
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wanting to feel seen, wanting to feel cared for.
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And once I was able to ground with the breathing technique into my own body,
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I was able to apply curiosity.
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What does disconnection mean to me?
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And why does this feel so threatening, so big?
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As soon as I was able to apply the pause,
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the awareness, and the curiosity,
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I was able to shift not from a 10 to a 1,
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but at least to a 4.
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I heard this being talked about by someone the other day.
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When you're driving a manual car you don't shift from gear 1 to 5 or do you shift from 5 to 1.
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You're gonna mess up your car.
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And so here we're not looking for a 10 to 0 or a 10 to 1,
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rather we're just looking to be able to downshift that activation even just a little bit.
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It was the act of acknowledging the stories,
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acknowledging the fears that was able to bring me from a 10 to a 4.
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What was happening in my nervous system at the time was a protective response based on old data to keep me safe.
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Our nervous system may not be able to differentiate between the present moment to a pattern in the past.
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All it knows is that this feels familiar like the last time something went wrong so let me protect you.
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And instead in that moment of shaming myself or just blowing up at the other person,
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I was able to hold that part of me
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and those fears as if I was the overall house
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that housed these feelings that exist in these parts that exist within me.
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Kind of like holding a panicked child and letting them know,
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hey it's okay, I hear you,
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I see you, I'm here for you, and I've got you.
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When we were able to shift from needing to control or explode,
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to bringing just even one sacred pause and awareness to the moment,
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then we can start to untangle ourselves from that part that is feeling unsafe.
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We have more access to becoming the witness as I like to say
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or the overall house and we might even start to feel a sense of gratitude for these parts of us,
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for what is happening within us as a mechanism for self-protection.
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And importantly, this happens in repetition.
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And every repetition counts.
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Imagine if you've been holding tension in your shoulders for the last 20 years.
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You go to one yoga session or yoga class.
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It's not going to magically fix your posture.
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Your body has practiced that pattern for thousands of times.
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But every single repetition is rewiring the system.
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And it is actively showing our nervous system
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and the younger parts of us that the strategies that was developed in place is no longer needed.
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They kept us safe then,
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but they can start to rest now.
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I think sometimes what's missing isn't just one thing,
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but the way that we approach.
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If you tend to be a more heady person,
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you're going to go top down.
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You want to think your way through everything,
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intellectualize it, try to shift your mindset and your belief systems.
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And on the other hand,
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if we go from a bottom-up approach,
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we might be just applying the techniques and the practices.
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I like to think of it as a bi-directional practice.
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We have tools to help us handle these activations in real time so that we're able to experience something different.
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Yet at the core, there is stories that requires us to pay attention,
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to understand, to apply curiosity,
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and then to rewrite them.
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And if any of what I'm saying to you today resonated,
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I'm opening up a wait list for a program called Return to Self.
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This is for anyone that's feeling exhausted,
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overdoing, people-pleasing, or on the other end of the spectrum,
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shutting down your desires, and choosing to detach or not care.
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And both strategies make you feel less and less like yourself.
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What I would like to build together is a sense of home anchored in inherent self-worth.
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Not what you do, but who you are.
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We'll dive into the stories that created the patterns in the first place.
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You'll get guided practices to experience new choices in real time
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and integration tools for you to use when these challenging moments pop up in your day-to-day life.
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And because I myself have always been a very heady person trying to solve everything by intellectualizing it,
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this program is not just about collecting more knowledge or insight but applying it in a way that actually creates embodied change.
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If this sounds like something you're interested in,
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head over to diogen.com or check out the link below for more information.
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So for this week, I just want you to notice when something activating happens and you want to go into fight,
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flight, or freeze, see if you can catch just one moment, just one pause.
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It doesn't have to be very long creating a little bit more space between
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that feeling arising in you and your next very reaction.
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Just long enough to take several conscious breaths.
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And if you want to take it to the next step,
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can you name the thing that's showing up in the activated state without becoming one with it?
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And if you want to take it to the next step,
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instead of judging yourself for feeling it or trying to shut it down,
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is there a way you can find,
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even if it's just a tiny bit of self-compassion around the feeling that's coming up for you.
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If any of this was helpful,
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let me know in the comments below or share this video with someone that you know will find it helpful as well.
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Thank you so much as always for watching and I'll see you next time.
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Context & Background
In the video titled "How to ACTUALLY heal your nervous system, NOT just 'hacks'," the speaker, Dia, explains the complexities of nervous system regulation. Rather than merely outlining quick fixes, Dia shares personal experiences and insights into the physiological responses of the human body when faced with stressors. The discussion revolves around the polyvagal theory, which offers a model for understanding our nervous system's reactions. By highlighting the importance of safety and connection, Dia emphasizes that true healing involves deeper emotional awareness.
Top 5 Phrases for Daily Communication
- "I felt the tension in my body." - A useful phrase to express physical sensations during stress.
- "Shift out of fight or flight." - A phrase to describe moving from a reactive state to a more composed one.
- "My nervous system is scanning for cues of danger." - Explains the automatic responses of the body to perceived threats.
- "I learned strategies to keep myself safe." - A way to articulate personal coping mechanisms developed over time.
- "Those strategies served me well in the past." - Acknowledges the role of past experiences in shaping current responses.
Step-by-step Shadowing Guide
To effectively learn English using the shadowing technique while watching this video, follow these steps:
- Watch and Listen: Begin by watching the video once without attempting to speak. Focus on understanding the context and emotional undertones.
- Identify Key Phrases: As you watch, jot down key phrases that resonate with you. The phrases listed above are great starting points.
- Repeat and Imitate: Play short segments of the video, pausing after every sentence or phrase. Repeat what Dia says aloud, mimicking her intonation and rhythm to enhance your shadowspeak skills.
- Record Your Voice: After practicing speaking, record yourself. Listening to your own voice helps identify areas for improvement and boosts confidence.
- Review and Reflect: Watch the video again, this time focusing on how well you've integrated the phrases into your own speech. Reflect on moments where you can apply these expressions in real-life conversations.
Using the shadow speak method with engaging content like this video allows learners to develop fluency and confidence in a natural, enjoyable way. Start your journey to learn English with YouTube today!
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.
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