Shadowing Practice: I hate being performative - Learn English Speaking with Video
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I hate being performative.
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I hate it when I can just feel this angst inside myself
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when I'm trying to either seek someone's approval or I'm trying to just fit in.
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Now, I think there's different levels.
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There's different levels of being performative or performance.
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And one is sort of, maybe all of them are sort of out of this sense of insecurity.
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But some of them, I guess, are worse than others.
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Some of them, someone is completely fake Someone could be, I don't know, maybe their whole life is a liar Just what they say and how they act is disingenuine
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Versus someone who is trying to fit in, but they don't quite know how And I guess that's where I am Not right now,
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but I have been in the latter
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Trying to either fit in with a group Or just feel like I am not a complete outsider
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and I guess especially in school high school I felt
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so much anxiety and maybe I wasn't performative
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but I was just very very aware too aware too conscious
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to the point where I guess I wasn't really doing a whole lot from the outside
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but from the inside I felt like I wasn't me I wasn't acting like myself
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and it was performance without any actual outside performance
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but just constant monitoring of myself which is in some sense performance
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or maybe just really bad anxiety
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but nonetheless I don't feel this way anymore at least not nearly as much as
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when I was in school maybe sometimes in some way I feel this way
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but um it's definitely gotten a lot better But I think it's weird because,
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especially with social media, but even maybe just in a place like school, you know, who is being real, who is just performing?
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And you wonder, well, who am I in relation to all this?
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Am I performing?
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Or is everyone just kind of hiding something, hiding how they really feel about their life?
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I don't know.
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Are people just kind of ignorant or are people just very good at performance?
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I don't know but I feel like in some way our whole life is just an act.
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We're all just trying to make people think we are someone
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that we don't really feel like or that we hope to be
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but we don't necessarily feel like we are
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and we're just doing things to convince everyone but
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if everyone's doing this then what's the point maybe we can all just drop the act
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and just start being more real with each other maybe we can stop trying to focus
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so much on being this person who is thought highly of instead just not care so much.
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I don't know.
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To many, it probably isn't that easy.
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Maybe even to me.
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I mean, just recording this video, maybe this is a performance.
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I don't know.
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But here's what I'll say.
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To me, I do not trust the person who is always agreeable, nor do I trust the person who is always disagreeable.
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I think especially on social media,
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there is sort of this idea that if you're someone who's super duper relatable or super duper just like repulsive or disagreeable,
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then you'll be popular.
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And I wonder, well, how much of it is just trying to be agreeable or trying to be disagreeable just for,
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you know, the views, the likes or the follows or whatever versus what do you actually think?
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Because that's what I want to know.
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I don't want to know what you think that is politically correct.
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I don't know what you want to think that you think other people will approve of.
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I just want to know what you think.
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And it's difficult in society, at least in Western society.
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Maybe this is probably just a whole world thing, but not wanting to be perceived in a certain way as negative based off of either how you act
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or what you think or your opinions.
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And it's maybe in some context, maybe in some context, you could say maybe it's a good thing.
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But I think overall, overall, probably in 99% of situations,
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it's bad because everyone kind of just keeps what they really think on the inside.
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and instead they just perform.
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And I don't think it helps anyone.
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I don't think it helps society.
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I don't think it helps people grow.
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I don't think it helps people get along better either.
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I think really it's just performance, like I've been saying so many times.
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But yeah, I don't want to be performative.
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It's like the thing about social media, posting on here, It's like, what's going to happen to me if I get famous?
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Or if people start, you know, commenting more, saying things, whatever, whether it's good or bad, what's going to happen?
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Will I turn into someone who I'm not actually?
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Will I just start performing and just lose myself?
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I hope not.
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I hope not.
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But maybe it's also a test of character. And that's the thing.
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Like you see people like when they get famous, some people say, oh, that guy really changed.
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They changed or they weren't the same way they are.
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But I wonder in what way?
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In what way did they change?
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Did they change in a better way or a worse way?
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It's usually a worse way when people talk about it that way. But why?
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Is it fame?
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Is it money?
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Is it power?
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I wonder.
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I really do.
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But I guess here's my declaration or proclamation.
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I'll say it out loud here.
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I declare that I will not let it destroy me or ruin me or strip out the things that are genuine.
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Because in some way, the more popular or famous you get, the more you have to lose.
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and it's like people care more about how they are perceived versus just in some sense their dignity
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their dignity their dignity of what they stand on what they believe in And I don't like that, you know?
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It's unfortunate.
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And I guess I don't want to become that way.
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So we'll have to see.
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We'll have to see what happens to me, to my life.
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In one way, I guess success would be a great thing.
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But in another way, it's a test.
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It's a test to see who will I become Will I just become another performer Or will I somehow remain me
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I think fame changes everyone To some extent
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But it shouldn't change you In a super negative way In some sense it should
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I don't know Amplify the good things about you I mean, I guess that's what I would hope it would do, but maybe that's just like wishful thinking.
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That's probably not what happens most of the time.
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But yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
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I don't want to be performative.
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I just want to be me.
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Why Practice Speaking with This Video?
This video is a goldmine for english speaking practice because it dives into authentic, personal reflection—exactly the kind of conversational tone you’ll use in real life. The speaker’s raw, unscripted style makes it perfect for the shadowing technique: you can mimic their pacing, pauses, and emotional inflection to sound more natural. Whether you’re using a shadowing site or shadowing app, this dialogue helps you practice expressing complex feelings like insecurity and self-doubt, which are universal but tricky to articulate. It’s not just about words—it’s about connecting with your audience, a skill every English learner needs.
Grammar & Expressions in Context
Let’s break down key phrases that make the speaker’s voice so relatable:
- “I hate it when I can just feel this angst inside myself”: The structure “I hate it when…” is ideal for describing pet peeves. Notice how “just” adds emphasis, making the feeling more immediate.
- “versus someone who is trying to fit in, but they don’t quite know how”: “Versus” is a casual way to contrast ideas, common in spoken English. The phrase “don’t quite know how” softens the statement, sounding more natural than “don’t know how.”
- “maybe we can all just drop the act and start being more real”: “Drop the act” is a vivid idiom meaning “stop pretending.” Using such phrases makes your speech more engaging and native-like.
Common Pronunciation Traps
Pay attention to these tricky words to improve english pronunciation:
- Angst: Pronounced “ahngst” (not “ang-st”), with a soft “g” and a long “ah” sound. The speaker’s emphasis on this word shows emotion—mimic that stress to convey feeling.
- Performative: Break it into “per-FOR-muh-tiv,” stressing the second syllable. Many learners overemphasize the first syllable, but the natural flow leans on “FOR.”
- Disingenuine: Pronounced “dis-in-JEN-yoo-in,” with the stress on “JEN.” The speaker shortens it slightly (“disingen’”) in casual speech—note how native speakers often reduce longer words in conversation.
Practicing with this video using the shadowing technique will help you master these nuances, making your English sound more confident and authentic.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | someone who is · myself which is · person who is |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | is thought · be perceived · are perceived |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.