Shadowing Practice: Ted's Most Hilarious Shenanigans! | Ted | Big Screen Laughs - Learn English Speaking with Video
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226 sentences
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1
But listen, you gotta kick me out of school.
2
Ted, I already told you.
3
I have weed.
4
What?
5
I am in possession of marijuana here on school premises.
6
May I see it?
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Well, I...
8
I lost it.
9
You lost it?
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Yeah, but he had weed, all right?
11
I'm a witness.
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I would need to see the marijuana for there to be consequences.
13
Look, we are telling you the truth.
14
Yeah, I'm a bad seed.
15
See, look.
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I love you.
17
Drugs.
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I love drugs.
19
Should we say grace?
20
Oh, yeah, good idea.
21
Hello, God.
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It's me, Ted.
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One of your weirder creations.
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Sorry about what I said today.
25
Not that your deacons aren't attractive, but I'm saving my mouth for marriage.
26
Let us not be so high that we have to call an ambulance.
27
Amen.
28
Amen.
29
Okay.
30
Let there be light.
31
Excuse me.
32
Hi.
33
Uh, hi.
34
I'm, uh...
35
I'm John Bennett.
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Hi there.
37
Ooh, you just, uh, wash your hands?
38
Uh, yeah, I just, when I, you know, a while ago, not now.
39
I had diarrhea.
40
Hi, I'm Ted.
41
I'm Sheila.
42
Oh, let's not ruin things.
43
Hey, listen, we couldn't help but notice you were, uh, smoking a little pot.
44
Yeah, midterms, you know.
45
What, are you gonna narc on me?
46
Oh, we're not judging.
47
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Teddy and I often partake of el bol.
48
And the pot inside it, da.
49
Cha -cha -cha.
50
You know what the problem is?
51
Education.
52
There is a complete lack of education in this family.
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That's not true.
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I go to school.
55
I'm taking a pottery class.
56
What about Ted?
57
Hmm?
58
He's never had a day of education in his life, and it shows, using words like Polack.
59
Oh, it was Polack.
60
The teacher says my ashtray show's promised.
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You should be going to school every day with John.
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You've learned something, and maybe you wouldn't make all these ignorant comments.
63
Uh -huh, yeah, no thanks.
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Why not? Because.
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TV.
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You guys need marriage counseling.
67
Oh, that.
68
What's the matter?
69
You scared of therapy, too?
70
Oh, it's .
71
I'm not gonna pay some shrink 80 bucks to sit there
72
and show me ink blots that all look like priests with their dicks out.
73
Well, I...
74
I think that's already progress.
75
Huh?
76
Look, I have a proposal.
77
I've saved up a little money working extra shifts at the coffee shop.
78
As my Christmas gift to you and Susan this year, I will pay for one marriage counseling session.
79
All you gotta do is show up.
80
Oh, maybe, can we?
81
Jesus, Susan.
82
What would we even talk about?
83
Oh, we could talk about how much we love each other.
84
Okay, you know what?
85
Fine.
86
We'll go.
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Just to show you that you're full of And Susan and I have a great marriage.
88
In fact, you know what?
89
Let's go right now.
90
It's not open at 9 p .m.
91
Oh, and the bull begins.
92
Now, let's start with the basics.
93
Would you classify your marriage as sexually satisfying?
94
What?
95
How often would you say you have intercourse?
96
That's none of your goddamn business.
97
Look, why don't we just stick to...
98
Every six months.
99
Every six months.
100
And what about anal?
101
Jesus Christ!
102
We do like the room to be clean, yeah.
103
She said, yes?
104
Hilarious.
105
Okay, now I want you to turn to each other and say the meanest thing you can think of.
106
How is everything?
107
Oh, it's just wonderful.
108
Not good, Kevo.
109
The word apple ain't in here anywhere.
110
They allow diagonal, sir.
111
Well, they should put that in the goddamn directions.
112
I'll tell the chef.
113
Yeah.
114
Maddie, you have to try this crab.
115
No, I'm fine.
116
Oh, just one bite.
117
It's so delicious.
118
I'm fine.
119
I got my own food.
120
Just a baby bite.
121
I don't want any.
122
Just try it.
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Just one bite.
124
Jesus Christ, Susan, why is it always so important that I have some of what you ordered?
125
I want you to have some of this because I think you'll like it.
126
Well, if I wanted the goddamn crab, I would have ordered the goddamn crab.
127
But in the car on the way home, I can say, wasn't it good at all?
128
For f*ing sake, all right.
129
You know?
130
All right.
131
Oh, goddammit.
132
Okay, this is perfect.
133
Mom and Dad are gonna be out of the house and Blair's got school.
134
There will never be a better time. For what?
135
To rent a real porno.
136
Well, how are we supposed to do it?
137
That butt nut in the store says we gotta be 18.
138
There's a different guy that comes in at 6 for the night shift.
139
All right, we get fake IDs, we go in after 6, we can rent that porno.
140
I don't know, Johnny, it's a risk.
141
I mean, if we get caught...
142
Teddy, watching other people have sex on a TV screen, that's just about the coolest thing a person can do.
143
It's worth the risk.
144
By this time tomorrow, that dream could be ours.
145
All right, let's get some sleep.
146
We jerk at first light.
147
Okay, now as far as anyone knows, we're two ad executives on a business trip from Hartford looking for some local talent.
148
Right.
149
Hey, uh, keep these milkshakes coming, huh?
150
Sure thing.
151
You know, um, we're celebrating.
152
Just landed a big account.
153
Bounty.
154
It's a very famous paper towel.
155
Yep, I use them every day.
156
Oh, terrific.
157
Well, you know, originally the slogan was supposed to be the quicker picker -upper, but we added the word thicker, quicker picker -upper.
158
Bought a summer house with that one adjective.
159
We can't read this whole thing.
160
Well, if we're gonna figure out if I'm actually Jesus, we at least gotta skim it.
161
I have never seen pages so thin.
162
I know, it's like Kleenex with boring stories on it.
163
You know, I was thinking, How do we know that Dennis isn't Jesus?
164
Johnny, Jesus walked on water, all right?
165
Walked.
166
That means he had feet, not wheels.
167
Yeah, that makes sense.
168
Oh, wait, hang on.
169
Stop right there.
170
Look, look, look.
171
Matthew 21, 31.
172
Truly I say to you, the tax collectors and prostitutes go into the kingdom of heaven before you.
173
Look at that.
174
Jesus hangs out with hookers.
175
Yeah, and he says there's hookers in heaven, so he sounds a lot like you.
176
Oh, yeah, heaven is probably mostly hookers.
177
Wait, so you're paying for sex in heaven?
178
You're not paying him for sex.
179
You're paying him to fly away.
180
Oh.
181
Let's see.
182
And behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me, to give a...
183
What was that first part?
184
Uh, behold, I come quickly.
185
Jesus said that?
186
Yeah.
187
Yeah, that's not the kind of thing I'd start with, behold.
188
What else?
189
Wait, look, look, look, right there, right there.
190
John the Apostle.
191
Jesus had an apostle named John.
192
Holy shit.
193
Those were like his buddies, right?
194
Yeah, yeah.
195
There was Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Johnny, Blitzen, and Larry, Daryl, and Daryl.
196
There's no doubt anymore.
197
I'm the Lord Jesus Christ.
198
Holy shit.
199
Does this mean you have, like, powers and stuff?
200
Yeah, but I probably gotta learn how to use them.
201
Flip to the spells.
202
Okay, spells.
203
Spells.
204
Spells.
205
Spells.
206
I wonder what my alignment is.
207
Chaotic good.
208
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
209
Good, but, like, you know, I might fuck around a little bit.
210
Yeah.
211
Shit, we supposed to have dice?
212
Let the festivities begin.
213
How many we got?
214
Well, let's see.
215
We got 20 cartons, 12 eggs in each.
216
It's gotta be like 20 dozen eggs, right?
217
Fantastic.
218
Do you think we're getting too old for this?
219
Oh, come on, Johnny.
220
We're doing a public service here.
221
If a kid leaves the house in a less -than -stellar Halloween costume, he's gotta get the bad news before he makes a fool of himself all over town.
222
We're Samaritans.
223
You remember last year?
224
Oh, check it out.
225
There's one.
226
Hey, nice costume!
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 226 sentences and 1330 words to shadow. The speech runs for 7:17. The speaker talks fast, about 183 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. Only 80% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is demanding.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| spell noun | /spɛl/ | Words or a formula supposed to have magical powers. |
| bite verb | /baɪt/ | To cut into something by clamping the teeth. |
| behold verb | /bɪˈhəʊld/ | To look at or see (someone or something), especially appreciatively; to descry, to look upon. |
| crab noun | /kɹæb/ | Any crustacean of the infraorder Brachyura, having five pairs of legs, the foremost of which are in the form of claws, and a carapace. |
| egg noun | /ɛɡ/ | An approximately spherical or ellipsoidal body produced by birds, insects, reptiles, and other animals, often housing an embryo within a membrane or shell… |
| weed noun | /wiːd/ | Any plant unwanted at the place where and at the time when it is growing. |
| marijuana noun | /ˌmɛɹɪˈwɑ.nə/ | The inflorescence of the Cannabis sativa plant, smoked or ingested for euphoric effect. |
| costume noun | /ˈkɑsˌt(j)um/ | A style of dress, including garments, accessories and hairstyle, especially as characteristic of a particular country, period or people. |
| counsel noun | /ˈkaʊn.səl/ | The exchange of opinions and advice especially in legal issues; consultation. |
| amen | /(ˌ)ɑːˈmɛn/ | At the end of a religious prayer: so be it. |
| proposal noun | /pɹəˈpoʊzəl/ | A scheme or design. |
| thin adjective | /ˈθɪn/ | Having little thickness or extent from one surface to its opposite. |
| thick adjective | /θɪk/ | Relatively great in extent from one surface to the opposite in its smallest solid dimension. |
| buddy | /ˈbʌdi/ | A person far removed from the conversation. |
| sake noun | /ˈseɪ̯k/ | Cause, interest or account. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| figure out verb | To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce. |
| save up verb | To accumulate money, especially for a specific, planned expenditure. |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 51 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, gotta, we're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: thin /ˈθɪn/, thick /θɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: possession /pəˈzɛʃn̩/, delicious /dɪˈlɪ.ʃəs/, chef /ʃɛf/, ashtray /ˈæʃ.tɹeɪ/, milkshake /ˈmɪlk.ʃeɪk/
- Long words — get the stress right: marijuana /ˌmɛɹɪˈwɑ.nə/, hilarious /hɪˈlɛə.ɹi.əs/, diarrhea /ˌdaɪ.əˈɹiː.ə/, diagonal /daɪ̯ˈæɡ(ə)nəl/, festivity /fɛˈstɪvəti/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like spell, bite, behold.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.