Shadowing Practice: The 4 Horsemen Of Relationships | Mel Robbins #Shorts - Learn English Speaking with Video

Creating lesson...
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So the first one is criticism.
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Criticism means blaming a problem on a personality flaw of your partner.
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Like you're so selfish, you're so lazy, you're so inconsiderate, thoughtless, whatever.
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So a characteristic that's bad that you're seeing in your partner, that's criticism.
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Okay.
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Secondly is contempt.
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And contempt is the worst one we have.
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Contempt is like criticism, but you're coming from a place of superiority, looking down your nose at your partner,
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and you're sneering a little bit.
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You've got a look of disgust, maybe, on your face.
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There's scorn.
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There's mockery.
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Sometimes sarcasm is contempt.
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And contempt is not only the best predictor of relationship demise,
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but the number of times a listener hears contempt in a
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conflict for 15 minutes predicts how many infectious illnesses they're going to have in the next four years.
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Right.
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Because it is sulfuric acid for the immune system.
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Wow.
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Yeah, it's a big deal.
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The third horseman is defensiveness.
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We all love defensiveness.
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Everybody's defensive unless they have an ego of a rock.
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I haven't met a rock lately.
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So defensiveness gets manifested as either counterattack, as we described, or whining.
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The innocent victim.
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Oh, I did too clean the kitchen.
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What do you mean?
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Okay. And then there's stonewalling.
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And stonewalling is completely shutting down.
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But it's not shutting down for just a few seconds, you know, to come up with the right phrase.
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It's shutting down completely for minutes, minutes, minutes, long minutes, maybe hours at a time.
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And what brilliant John here and his colleague Bob Levinson discovered with physiology is that when a person was flooded,
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they were in fight or flight.
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Their heart rates were often over 100 beats a minute as they sat there.
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And they started stonewalling and they started stonewalling in order to go inside and try and soothe themselves because
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being in fight or flight while you're sitting there feels awful makes you sick

Context & Background

In the insightful short video, Mel Robbins discusses the "Four Horsemen of Relationships," a concept pivotal for understanding interpersonal dynamics. Robbins identifies four destructive communication patterns that can jeopardize relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Each of these behaviors reflects a breakdown in communication and emotional connection. For English learners, engaging with this content not only enhances their vocabulary and comprehension skills but also provides practical scenarios relevant to everyday conversations. By focusing on these patterns, learners can also develop their empathetic listening and response skills, crucial components of effective communication.

Top 5 Phrases for Daily Communication

  • Criticism: "You're so selfish." This example highlights how to express feelings about a partner's behavior without constructive feedback.
  • Contempt: "It’s disgusting how you never help." This phrase demonstrates contempt, where judgment is placed over the person rather than their actions.
  • Defensiveness: "I always clean the kitchen!" This example showcases the typical defensive reaction when feeling attacked.
  • Stonewalling: "I'm done talking." Here, the phrase signifies a complete retreat from the conversation, illustrating the withdrawal aspect of this behavior.
  • Empathy: "I can see you're upset; let’s talk when we’re calmer." This is an example of a constructive approach, moving past the horsemen to foster understanding.

Step-by-step Shadowing Guide

To effectively incorporate the shadowing technique while utilising the content from Mel Robbins’ video, follow these steps:

  1. Listen Actively: Begin by watching the video multiple times. Focus on understanding each horseman mentioned and how they are expressed verbally.
  2. Start Shadowing: When you're familiar with the phrases, play the video again and repeat what Robbins says immediately after she speaks. This will help improve your English pronunciation and fluency.
  3. Break It Down: Focus on one horseman at a time. For instance, practice shadowing only the explanations on criticism until you feel comfortable, then move on to contempt.
  4. Record Yourself: Use a shadowing site or a simple recording device to capture your voice as you shadow the video. Listen to your pronunciation and compare it with Robbins’ to find areas of improvement.
  5. Engage in Conversations: After practicing, apply what you've learned in real conversations. Discuss the concepts with peers to deepen your understanding and enhance your English speaking practice.

By utilizing the shadowspeaks technique while engaging with meaningful content, learners can effectively develop their communication skills and navigate complex emotional landscapes in English. These practices will undoubtedly contribute to enhanced interaction in both personal relationships and everyday social scenarios.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.