Shadowing Practice: The Evolution of Tashira & Dru | Couples Therapy - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
1
Well, trust takes time.
2
And I do trust you.
3
It's not that I don't trust you.
4
Well, you don't trust 100%.
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I don't trust the situation 100%.
6
What does that mean?
7
I just...
8
A situation.
9
Meaning, like...
10
The relationship?
11
The rela...
12
Meaning that it could end at any possible moment.
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I mean, that's the truth.
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We could have a house, we could have four kids, we could have five dogs.
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It could still end.
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See what I mean?
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We got pregnant very early.
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We were only dating for a couple months before she was pregnant.
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It was a roller coaster.
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And still is.
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But you're saying that the fact that it happened at all, or that it happened so fast?
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I think that it happened so fast.
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He wanted to move in right away, and he wanted to start a family,
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and I would push back till the very day that he moved in.
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But what was your suggestion?
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I thought that we should take our time.
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I didn't think that having a baby meant that we needed to force a relationship.
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You know, at the end of the day, I was already a single parent, so...
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You were a single parent?
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Yes, I have another child.
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I see.
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Yes.
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From a previous relationship.
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From a previous marriage, yes.
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So I kind of learned my mistakes and my lessons,
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and I just didn't feel that his view of him needing to be there was
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so much more important than us figuring out each other, because we were only together.
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So you wanted, in a way, to prioritize the relationship.
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Correct, yes.
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Developing slowly.
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Yes.
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I totally understand where she's coming from, But at the same time, it's like, how could you be okay with having a part-time father for your kid?
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And then on top of that, me seeing my child, what, on the weekends?
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Yeah.
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No. So tell me, how's it been?
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I mean, it has its ups and downs.
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We're very much separated in the house.
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What does that mean?
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I sleep with the boys, and he sleeps in my eldest son's room.
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And are you both happy with that?
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No. That's not the way I want it at all.
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You're not happy with that.
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That's where she feels most comfortable.
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Are you happy with that?
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I mean, sometimes, yeah, I need my space.
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I have two kids, and sometimes I retreat to my room.
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I don't think it's right that the boys see us separated all the time, and I don't feel, you know,
58
the love in the house when that happens.
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You're missing something that you want. For sure.
60
Mm-hmm.
61
Yeah. And you?
62
She's getting what she wants because she's in her room.
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What's here?
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Sorry.
65
Um, I just...
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It's difficult for me because it's just not a comfortable situation.
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You know, and I know that he loves me.
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I mean, that's...
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For sure, he won't go.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know, he always tells me he's not gonna go.
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It's forever.
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Not in like a threatening way.
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But it's just been hard to like, have that connection and kind of want that connection with him.
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I'm gonna go back to actually ask both of you.
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What do you feel like Tashi would need from you to create more togetherness?
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Um...
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I really don't know what she needs for her to, you know, turn around.
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I mean, I'm not saying it right, but I don't know.
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But it's interesting that you don't know.
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Maybe you might want to figure that out.
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I've tried for so long.
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But you seem like you have no idea.
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So it sounds like Dru doesn't have any idea what would actually bring you two closer from your end.
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Can you say?
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More understanding.
87
You know, I want him to have empathy.
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I want him to listen to me.
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For me, it's just, it's not just touching and hugging and kissing.
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I get that he needs affection.
91
I get that he needs all those things, because that's what makes him who he is.
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But I'm not sure Drew feels understood.
93
No. How do I not understand you?
94
Perfect example.
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You feel that I need affection.
96
Mm-hmm.
97
And it's more about being seen.
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You're so in with the boys and cooking, and I appreciate it all to the max.
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But I feel like I'm a ghost in the house.
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And I feel like I'm a robot.
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That I see, and I acknowledge that, 100%.
102
Wait, that sounds meaningful.
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That I'm a robot and that he feels like a ghost?
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No. I heard Drew say that when you say he needs affection, you're not hearing him.
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That he's saying he feels like a ghost, like you don't see him.
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I understand that.
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Well, you did not convey that.
108
Your response was, and I'm a robot.
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And that is an issue.
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It's always, but this.
111
It's not...
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It goes both ways.
113
You see?
114
It goes both ways.
115
He sent me a text last week about our sex life that he's not very happy with.
116
How was this text phrased?
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I just told her that it's non-existent.
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I feel like I'm not wanted.
119
Meaning you're feeling unwanted and...
120
And feeling like I don't even know how to even go about sex with her anymore
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because there's been plenty of times where she's denied it or she gives an attitude about it and she's just like, oh, fine, okay.
122
You know, it's not even about the physicality of the sex.
123
It's more of the feeling that you get from your partner from that.
124
So, Tashira, how was it to receive this text?
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I was a little annoyed, to be honest.
126
And I responded to him two days later, and I was honest with him.
127
Two days, you just didn't respond?
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No, I didn't.
129
No, I didn't respond.
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I didn't respond.
131
What was going on inside you during those two days?
132
You know, it's difficult to say out loud that I find
133
that he's more attracted to me than I am of him and, you know, his weight.
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And I know that he has an issue with it as well because we've only had sex maybe three times completely naked.
135
I mean, I've been completely naked, you know, but he hasn't.
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Drew, you don't get impressed?
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Yeah, I'm just wearing my t-shirt.
138
I'm just used to it.
139
Not 100% comfortable with my weight.
140
But down the line, during our relationship,
141
she's said some bad things in an argument about my weight.
142
So I don't understand how you could make me feel any comfortable in wanting to get fully naked. So, yeah.
143
But to come to the actual point of it, she's just not attracted to me because of my weight.
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I don't know if it's because of the weight
145
that maybe I gained a cup of weight after the baby was born and we moved in, or maybe she's just never been comfortable with it.
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I don't know.
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She needs to figure it out.
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Because if she's not attracted, then that's that.
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Because obviously, if there's no attraction, there's no relationship.
150
And I'm at that point where I'm just, every time, it's just a new issue.
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If it's not, we can't talk about it, she feels like she can't talk to me, or if it's not the resentment of having the baby or if it's not the resentment of moving in together,
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and now it's the wait thing.
153
So every time, it's just a new thing, you know?
154
And I'm just tired at this point.
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I really am.
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It does seem like you...
157
I don't actually get a real sense that you're invested in the relationship. Am I wrong?
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No, not to...
159
Not, no, you're not wrong.
160
What are we doing?
161
I mean, I'm trying to figure it out.
162
I'm trying to work on this.
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I mean, like I said before.
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I think your way of bringing yourself into,
165
let's say, this kind of therapy might be similar to what you're doing in the relationship,
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which is you show up and your entire message seems to be, I got nothing.
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I have no wish here, which might be simply that indeed you've got nothing, you don't have any interest,
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or it might be your way of positioning yourself.
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And I think that's something for you to think really hard about.
170
Okay.
171
What do you want?
172
To be alone with the kids.
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That's what she wants.
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To be alone with the kids.
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Is that what you want?
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It's not always what I want.
177
You know, I mean...
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he supports me.
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You know, and I know that if something were to happen, he would always be there for me.
180
But, I don't know, maybe I'm just scared of...
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of being close to somebody, of giving somebody that...
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I got chicken for baby.
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Giving somebody that power, I guess, of committing to somebody in that way.
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You know, it's easier when you're alone.
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It's just you.
186
You don't have to depend on anybody.
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So I, you know, it's not easy.
188
It's not easy for me.
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I mean...
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Hi!
191
Say hi!
192
Hi.
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Good morning.
194
Yeah.
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Good morning.
196
Oh, that was so sweet.
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Do you want to put him on his chair?
198
I'll see if you want to.
199
So yeah, I just, I think that, um.
200
But you have a lot of fear of connecting and depending.
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Yeah.
202
I do, for sure.
203
You know, and that's what I mean when I say, like, I know he's a good guy.
204
You know, he's one of the best guys that I've ever had.
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So I know that if I continue this way, you know, I may lose him.
206
Same.
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You know, I mean, I'm trying.
208
I'm here.
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I'm trying to figure this out and do this with him to the best that I can, but sometimes I don't know if I can't.
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This relationship could end, you know, it's possible.
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I'm not saying, you know, and but my kids are always going to be there.
212
So sometimes it's like, well, I don't want to put in all this work.
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and then something happens between us and you leave.
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And then, you know, like my older son will be left without having a stepdad or having to go through that hurt.
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Are you thinking about a stepfather when you're saying this?
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Your stepfather?
217
I mean, yeah, my stepfather, my father.
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Both of whom did not stay connected, involved.
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Yeah, I mean, my dad was around.
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You know, my mom got remarried, but she ran the ship.
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My stepfather was there, but he didn't really parent us to an extent.
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My dad hated my stepdad.
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You know, he did some bad things to him.
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Who did bad things?
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My dad.
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My dad would, you know, beat him up when he would come and drop us off.
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Trash his car when he would come.
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You know, he would wait on the corner.
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Really hated him.
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Yeah.
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So, and then my stepdad left too.
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There's just always that fear of my kids not having a consistent father figure
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or that fear of me not being able to hold a relationship with a man.
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Sometimes I do want to get married and do all those things
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so that I can lead by example and show my son that it's still possible.
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But then there's still that little voice in my head that tells me that it's not possible. So.
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I honestly feel that I can literally ask her to marry me right now and go tomorrow and get married.
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And she would still have this feeling of I'm going one day.
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I could buy her a whole island and say I'm going to live here with you.
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And she'd still think that I'm going to take a boat out into the ocean.
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I felt myself fuming.
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And I'm like, it's a very, very sketchy topic, you know.
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Should we talk about it?
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It was between him being a stepfather and my older son.
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He drinks a lot of water during the day, right?
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And we have, like, this water pitcher that, like, strains or whatever in the fridge.
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He, meaning your stepson?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So he drank all the water, and I just made a comment.
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I said, you've got to learn how to fill this thing up, you know, because it's always empty, right?
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But this one chimes in out of left field and is like, well, like, right in front of him, too.
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Like, she's like, well, you need to learn how to fill it up yourself.
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But I guess the choice to do it right in front of the kids, that is an interesting choice.
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That I understand.
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And that is, I mean, it's hard for me.
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I always, it's just like a defense.
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Like, I don't know, like when he tells him to do something, it's just, like, it bothers me.
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It bothers you that Drew takes a position of authority?
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Yeah, it does.
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It bothers me.
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It doesn't make me feel comfortable, and I get defensive.
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Meaning you don't want Drew to have that position in the family?
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I do want him to have it, and I've been trying to allow him,
265
not allow him, but, you know, just...
266
You could say allow.
267
I understand that.
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Okay, so allow him and give him the opportunity, because I do understand that if we're going to be a family unit, that he needs to have that authority as well.
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Well, I mean, different people have different ideas about paternal authority.
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Maybe you have, maybe you're struggling to figure that out for yourself.
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Well, yeah, no, I absolutely think so.
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I think it has a lot to do with that I did it by myself for a long time.
273
you know, and maybe also because I didn't really grow up with a paternal authority or whatever.
274
And because your father maybe exploited his paternal authority by being ultra-violent.
275
I mean, there might be all sorts of reasons why you feel like you need to undermine Drew's authority.
276
Yeah.
277
Sometimes I go back to that place, you know, And I don't know if I go back to that place,
278
maybe because sometimes I feel like it's not going to be forever.
279
So it's kind of like...
280
You go into mistrust.
281
Yeah.
282
I go into...
283
Mistrust.
284
The father is not part of the family.
285
Yeah.
286
Yeah.
287
Mm-hmm.
288
You know, and it's like I'm trying, and sometimes I can keep it at balance.
289
But other times, like that particular time, you know, it just came out.
290
And it's also been like...
291
So just to pause for a second.
292
I mean, that's a very honest expression of what's going on, right?
293
Do you appreciate that?
294
The Tashira's trying to figure out a way to honestly let you in,
295
despite history, despite years of doing it on her own.
296
And it's a real process.
297
I assume you can appreciate that.
298
Yeah, I understand.
299
But are you still upset?
300
I'm not really upset, you know.
301
Just the natural thought of like, all right, how long is this going to go on before you realize...
302
You just got to say that.
303
Well, I'm just saying it from my mind, you know.
304
No, no, no, I know.
305
How long is this going to go on until.. before she can trust that I'm not going anywhere.
306
You know?
307
Yeah.
308
Well, trust takes time.
309
And I do trust you.
310
It's not that I don't trust you.
311
Well, you don't trust 100%.
312
I don't trust the situation 100%.
313
What does that mean?
314
I just- A situation.
315
Meaning like- The relationship?
316
The relationship.
317
Meaning that it could end at any possible moment.
318
I mean, that's the truth.
319
We could have a house.
320
We could have four kids could have five dogs it could
321
still end see what i mean though i mean what are you actually saying
322
but i think
323
that that's that's the reality of it some people break up
324
some people don't last some people what what are the factors
325
that make that happen i'm just saying are you saying this generic that we can't hold on to anything, things always change?
326
Are you saying this person that I trust will turn on me?
327
Are you saying there's no way to get out from under history?
328
I think all of that.
329
I mean, I don't...
330
What are you saying?
331
I just think it's...
332
It's...
333
Okay, but in the statement, it's the fear of believing that it will all work out and then it doesn't.
334
But what does this mean, it will all work out?
335
Meaning that we'll be together forever, that we'll have a relationship.
336
But what do you think that depends on?
337
I think it depends on the work that two people do.
338
But do you believe that the two of you will put the work into it?
339
I believe that the two of us will put the work in.
340
But I don't know if I believe that he's going to want to forever. Does that make sense?
341
It's a little suspicious.
342
Why is it suspicious?
343
Because I don't really know what you're saying.
344
That she doesn't trust me still.
345
But based on the person you know.
346
OK, I feel like if I don't figure out all my shit, that he's going to get tired of it.
347
So you don't trust yourself, really?
348
Yeah.
349
OK, that's something you can work with.
350
You're maybe saying, I don't know, maybe you're saying that you don't trust yourself to not somehow push him out.
351
Yeah.
352
OK.
353
Well, you got work to do.
354
Yeah.
355
So we added a new member to the family.
356
I got her her pup.
357
Oh, really?
358
Yeah.
359
Her early birthday present.
360
Yeah.
361
Yeah.
362
Wow.
363
Yeah, he surprised me on Thursday.
364
We came home, and he had a puppy with a red bow on it.
365
Like, I didn't even, I don't even think I believed it for the first day or two because it's just...
366
I've never had a dog.
367
I've never received a gift like that.
368
When he was explaining to my son, like, you know, it's our dog, but it's your mom's dog because your mom has been through a lot this year,
369
and she deserves to be happy and have something like this. So...
370
Sweet. So loving.
371
Yeah.
372
She knows, I mean, I hope she knows now that I go to the end of the earth for her.
373
Mm-hmm.
374
You know?
375
And when we said goodnight to each other, she asked for a hug, and I gave her a hug, and she started hysterical crying.
376
And it took me, like, by surprise.
377
Because you would think that it would come when you give them the gift.
378
Mm-hmm.
379
I've never heard her cry the way she cried, as long as I've known her.
380
You know, in my head I'm like, it was not confused, but like wondering,
381
like what triggered that, you know, that such strong cry.
382
Like, I didn't ask her about it, you know, I just let her be in the moment.
383
But do you understand?
384
No. No. No. You know, I was just there for her.
385
I don't know.
386
It just kind of just like happened.
387
It's just that no one has ever done anything like that for me.
388
And I'm not talking about, you know, spending the money or it's just the gesture
389
and what he had said about me having a hard year and him going out to do something like that.
390
At that moment, I was so grateful, and I just didn't know how.
391
So when he hugged me, I just got hysterical.
392
You know, I didn't mean it to come out.
393
No, no, no. And I wasn't unhappy.
394
It was just, like, just this...
395
whoosh of emotions.
396
Mm-hmm.
397
When you say, and you've said that before, You said that before, that you don't know how.
398
Yeah.
399
Maybe you can say some more?
400
I think it's like I don't know how to accept the happiness, maybe.
401
There's always this block, something that just stops me.
402
And I think maybe that's another reason why I got hysterical,
403
because, like, there was no stopping the happiness.
404
You made your choice.
405
Yeah.
406
But you're in.
407
Yeah.
408
Yeah.
409
You know that, right?
410
Yeah.
411
Oh, okay.
412
Just making sure.
413
You wouldn't have got no puppy if I didn't know that.
414
Yeah.
415
How have you been feeling with each other?
416
Good.
417
I mean, personally, good.
418
What has made for the most change?
419
Being able to express my feelings a little bit better.
420
The vulnerability thing.
421
Mm-hmm.
422
The realizing that the anger is more of a cover-up for the hurt.
423
Yeah.
424
And not wanting to say, you know, and give that peace to somebody and say, you hurt me.
425
Yeah.
426
You know?
427
You know, it's crazy, because I always said I can trust her.
428
Never had a doubt in it, but did I trust her enough to be vulnerable?
429
Which I didn't for a long time.
430
Both of us had this big issue of pride and being right
431
and not truly expressing what we were feeling at that exact moment.
432
You know, whether it was hurt or sad or disappointed or whatever.
433
And I think, yeah, that it was definitely hard for the both of us.
434
We still have our mishaps here and there.
435
Yeah, but I can't tell you the last time we had an argument and we didn't talk for days. So good.
436
Yeah.
437
Wow.
438
That's why I don't want it to end.
439
I was like, no, I'm thinking about it.
440
I'm like, shit.
441
Yeah, I know.
442
We're talking about all this progression.
443
Right.
444
It's just like.
445
We could do it.
446
We'll be OK.
447
We could do it.
448
Yeah.
449
There was a year to have therapy?
450
This is the year.
451
No, no, we didn't.
452
That was not in the plan.
453
Yeah.
454
Take good care of each other.
455
We will.
456
The kids, the cats, the dogs.
457
You too.
458
Yes.
459
Exactly.
460
You want to meet the pup?
461
Yeah.
462
Yes, I do.
463
Yes, yay.
464
OK.
465
All right, let's go.
466
Oh my god, this is ridiculously cute.
467
Oh my god.
468
Hey, Riley.
469
What?
470
Oh my god, this is ridiculously cute.
471
Oh my god.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 471 sentences and 3729 words to shadow. The speech runs for 27:47. The speaker talks at a steady 134 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| depend verb | /dɪˈpɛnd/ | To be contingent or conditioned; to have something as a necessary condition |
| naked adjective | /ˈneɪkɪd/ | Bare, not covered by clothing. |
| ghost noun | /ɡoʊst/ | A disembodied soul; a soul or spirit of a deceased person; a spirit appearing after death. |
| bother verb | /ˈbɑðɚ/ | To annoy, to disturb, to irritate; to be troublesome to, to make trouble for. |
| robot noun | /ˈɹoʊ.bɑt/ | An intelligent mechanical being designed to look like a human or other creature, and usually made from metal. |
| attract verb | /əˈtɹækt/ | To pull toward without touching. |
| affection noun | /əˈfɛk.ʃən/ | The act of affecting or acting upon. |
| happiness noun | /ˈhæpinɪs/ | The emotion of being happy; joy; elation. |
| connect verb | /kəˈnɛkt/ | To join (to another object): to attach, or to be intended to attach or capable of attaching, to another object. |
| hug verb | /hʌɡ/ | To cling closely together. |
| suspicious adjective | /səˈspɪʃ.əs/ | Arousing suspicion. |
| puppy noun | /ˈpʌpi/ | A young rat. |
| resentment noun | /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/ | Anger or displeasure stemming from belief that one or one's group has been wronged or betrayed by others; indignation. |
| ridiculously adverb | /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs.li/ | In a ridiculous manner. In a way that is funny, embarrassing or extremely implausible. |
| topic noun | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| figure out verb | To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce. | |
| go back to verb | To stem from; to originate in. | |
| come out verb | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | To be discovered; to be revealed. |
| work out verb | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | To calculate. |
| break up verb | To break or separate into pieces. | |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. | |
| turn around verb | To physically rotate (usually around a vertical axis) for a half turn (180 degrees), a whole turn (360 degrees), or an indefinite amount. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've tried · I've been · I've never received |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | being seen · was born · will be left |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 139 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, I'm, didn't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: affection /əˈfɛk.ʃən/, suspicious /səˈspɪʃ.əs/, trash /tɹæʃ/, suggestion /səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/
- Long words — get the stress right: ridiculously /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs.li/, disappointed /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnɪd/, vulnerability /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/, hysterical /hɪˈstɛɹɪkəl/, prioritize /pɹaɪˈɒɹ.ə.taɪz/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like depend, naked, ghost.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.