Shadowing Practice: this knowledge will solve too many problems, that’s why it’s never taught to us - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Hi everyone, I'm back with another video.
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Today I want to talk about something very important.
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A skill that can save lives, literally.
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A skill that can create harmonious relationships, boost people's self -confidence, and solve so many problems like overconsumption and addiction.
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But somehow it has never been taught to us.
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Like ever.
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Not at school, not at home as well.
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People rarely talk about this publicly,
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so many of us don't even know what it is and all the amazing benefits that I can offer to each individual.
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I've been thinking about making this video for so long.
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I've been marinating on it, contemplating it, procrastinating on making it as well because it felt like such a big topic to cover.
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But today, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut anymore.
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I'm going to talk about it.
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So yeah, let's get into it.
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First of all, I come from Vietnam
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and I want to talk about a characteristic
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that a lot of Vietnamese parents have it sounds a bit irrelevant
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but it's actually connected to what I want to say later
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so please stick with me Vietnamese parents right very loving very caring very protective of their children yeah
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and very strict as well
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so they're really good at disciplining their children however there is something
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that I've observed throughout my entire life
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and this does not apply to every single vietnamese parent
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but the majority of them for sure many parents in my
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country especially mothers see their children as a center of their lives
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if they have good husbands who love them and cherish them you know
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if they have a good relationship with their partners things are much better
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but i have to say
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that it's a rare thing here a lot of women don't feel happy
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or fulfilled or appreciated in their marriage so basically they have a lot of internal struggle like disappointment,
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loneliness, and even build up resentment and anger because they no longer feel emotionally supported by their partners anymore.
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And when they have a child, right, it seems like they found another source of hope.
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So these women's lives gradually revolve around their children only.
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Since they feel emotionally neglected and unsupported by their partners, they cannot make themselves feel happy either.
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And on top of that, maybe they feel, you know, frustrated
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or exhausted in their jobs they don't have any personal interest to spend time on eventually
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they end up being emotionally dependent on their children the love
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and care that they should have given themselves in the first place
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or at least the love and care
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that their partners should have been able to give them in the first place now becomes their children's responsibility
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so you know these parents start to have a lot of expectations for their children
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they want their children to do well at school to make them feel proud
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they want their children to listen to them all the time
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and obey them without having any opinions and
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if you have any opinions even when it's reasonable
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and you communicate it in a calm way you will still be accused of being disrespectful
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and your opinion will be brushed off anyway
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so you'd better keep your mouth shut
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when these children grow up
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they will still be under lots of pressure to do certain
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things to make their parents happy like working in certain job earning a certain amount of money getting married
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and have children at a certain age and
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if they don't do these things they will be called selfish
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and unfilial by their own parents and even
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if they get married have babies
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and successful careers they are still unable to make their parents happy it's like an impossible mission
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because these parents are like i said emotionally dependent on their children
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so if their children don't call them every day they get sad
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If their children move to a different country to build a family or to work and study, they become depressed.
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If their children talk back to them just to express their honest thoughts and sincere desires, they get offended.
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So basically, their happiness, their self -worth, their life purpose and life meaning are entirely tied to their children.
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In the process of raising their children, these parents have lost a sense of self.
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So their identity now is just XYZ's parents, and they cannot feel happy on their own.
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They're always in the state of waiting for and expecting something external to happen to make them feel good.
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And these things have to be provided by and done for them by their children.
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Most of the time, these parents, they have little or no ability to connect with
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and control their emotions as well when your emotions are dependent on external factors.
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They will go up and down like this all the time because the external world is never the same.
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Things don't always happen the way you want them to happen.
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People don't always act the way you want them to act.
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The outside world is always fluctuating so if your emotions are conditioned by what's outside of you,
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you will ride an emotional roller coaster every day
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and it's going to be 100 times harder for you to control your emotions
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when they are always going up and down like this.
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And this goes for both genders.
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Parents who are emotionally dependent on their children can have anger issues.
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They can be chronically anxious, emotionally
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and mentally unstable just imagine being raised by someone like this children being raised by these parents can grow up
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and become high achievers highly responsible and capable on the outside but inside they're all struggling with anxiety,
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self -doubt and perfectionism they become people pleasers they cannot connect with their feelings
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they have a strong inner critic they do not know what they want to do with their lives
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and they feel guilty prioritizing themselves
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If they are lucky, they can heal from these emotional wounds early on, but if they are unlucky,
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they will have to carry this weight for the rest of their lives and never truly heal.
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And in the worst cases, if they inherit their parents' inability to control their emotions, because you know children, they mimic their parents.
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These children will grow up and pose dangers to society.
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People who cannot control and process their emotions become dangerous for other people around them and for society.
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Just think about it, so many violent crimes were committed by people who couldn't control or regulate their emotions.
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Imagine how better this world would be if from a young age we were taught how to understand and process our emotions.
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How to have self -sustained peace and contentment.
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How to feel happy on our own.
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How to feel happy being alone without always seeking something external to fill internal needs
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there are people who cannot be alone they cannot spend any time with themselves
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they don't know anything about themselves either they don't know how to feel fulfilled
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and at peace being alone
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so they always need someone by their side
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they always need to be in a relationship they always need to receive others attention
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and love they always need to go out meet friends socialize
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and talk all the time because they cannot face themselves
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and they hate being with themselves you can feel happy on your own
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and you should feel happy on your own before you step into any relationship before you get married
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and have children or else you will suffer
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and you will make everybody around you suffer i cannot stress this enough people who are emotionally dependent on others,
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they are miserable and they will make everybody around them miserable.
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Just like the parents I talked about, they become obsessive and controlling in relationships.
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They always feel insecure because there's no inner support.
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They crave external validation and attention because they feel empty inside.
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So they need to overachieve, overwork, overconsume, overeat.
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They also sabotage their own physical and mental health to seek validation from others
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and then go trip everybody around them about their sacrifices
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so others will do what they want these issues could certainly have been prevented
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if we have been taught about emotional independence and that's the skill
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that i want to talk about emotional independence the ability to feel happy on your own
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In order for us to experience independent happiness, from a very young age,
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we should have been taught how to have a high level of self -awareness and self -understanding, how to connect with ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally.
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We should have been encouraged to spend more time being alone, have some hobbies and interests,
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explore new areas of knowledge that make our eyes sparkle with curiosity and excitement.
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We should have been taught how to listen to our inner voice, listen to what our body needs, listen to what our mind needs.
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But we've never been taught about these things.
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We've never been taught how to connect with ourselves, how to feel good on our own.
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Since childhood, we have been taught that if you want to feel good, you have to please your parents,
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your teachers, and then you will get some compliments from them.
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Only then can you feel good about yourself.
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Nobody taught us how to appreciate ourselves as who we were with flaws
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and imperfections nobody said to us
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that hey before you come to someone else to share this big
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or small win you should clap for yourself first
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you should say good job to yourself first no no no always seek external validation first only
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when people validate you can you feel good about yourself that's the belief
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that has been deeply embedded in our minds since childhood also we were not given
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that many opportunities to discover
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and develop personal interests there was only a limited selection of subjects that you could choose from
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many of which were taught in a really theoretical and boring way
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if you have a specific interest or passion
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that is different from these socially valued subjects you and
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that interest won't be taken seriously especially
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if it's something creative like in my country in many high schools arts
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and music are completely removed from the curriculum because the adults they think
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that these subjects are impractical or unrealistic
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and even at lower levels of education these subjects are never taken seriously parents
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and teachers think that there's no time for hobbies and
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interests so they don't encourage the children to develop these interests slowly these interests are forgotten
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and replaced by endless formal classes frequent tasks
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and examinations by the time these students become adults they become completely disconnected from their passions
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and they don't know what to do in their free time
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so they scroll all day scrolling becomes their happy
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and we've never been encouraged to spend time being alone okay
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let's talk about this let's talk about this there's this stigma
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surrounding people who like spending time being alone people often assume
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that they are mentally unwell or closed off from the world only people who love socializing
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and interacting with others all the time extroverted people social butterflies are considered happy and healthy.
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Well, social interaction is indeed one of the most important factors that contribute to life satisfaction and well -being.
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But quality alone time is no less important because it's
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when you can truly connect with yourself without all the external noise and other people's opinions.
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People who spend too much time being alone may struggle emotionally
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and mentally are not
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but people who cannot spend any time being alone people who
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like they just cannot sit with themselves in silence for more than five minutes these people are more ill
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they just don't know how ill they are
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because they have been running away from their problems for too
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long these problems these past wounds these past traumas have entered their subconscious mind
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and quietly governed their lives but in their conscious mind they still think
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that they have nothing to heal from to think about it
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we've never been taught how to have a good relationship with ourselves
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you know nobody taught us how to talk with ourselves gently
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and kindly nobody taught us to be friends with ourselves nobody taught us
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that we are actually in control of our emotions
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and that we can choose to feel happy independently without any external conditions but you know what
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But there's a reason for everything, and the reason for this is because if you can feel happy on your own,
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how can people and society benefit from it?
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No, seriously, think about it, if we can all feel happy on our own, there will be no profit for companies and for the governments.
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The biggest source of profit in this world comes from our unhappiness and insecurity.
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If you are happy and you think you're enough, you don't feel a need to buy things and services to impress others,
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to show off your status, to fill emotional voids and to escape boredom.
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Then all the marketing schemes will be useless.
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The biggest goal of these companies and these marketers is to make us believe
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that our lives are incomplete with our certain products and services.
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So if we can feel whole and complete on our own, nobody can make money from that.
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Also, if we can feel happy on our own, then our worth is not entirely tied to labor, output, financial success and external validation anymore.
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We will protect our peace.
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We will protect ourselves better.
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We will refuse to work in places that over -exploit our resources.
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We will walk away from toxic situations and relationships.
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Nobody can manipulate and control us anymore because we are not living and acting from a place of lack and fear.
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So basically, if we were taught about emotional independence, we would be free.
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And people don't want us to be free.
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So they keep us stuck in the loop of emotional dependency.
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That's how this society functions.
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I know it sounds really messed up, but if you can understand all of this, you can find a way out of this loop.
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It's quite simple, actually.
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The hardest part is understanding all of this, understanding how important it is for you to be emotionally independent,
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and that you're not doing this for yourself not just for yourself
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but for people you love as well
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but you can feel happy on your own
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but in order for you to do
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that you need to trace back to the reasons why most people cannot feel happy on their own
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which I mentioned before is because they lack self knowledge
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and in order for you to understand yourself really well you need to treat yourself like a new friend
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that you really want to get close to just imagine you meet this new friend right
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and you really want to get to know more about her
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what do you do you don't just ask some basic questions
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like what's your name where you from what's your job
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you actually want to know more about what she likes to do in her free time
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what she expects in relationships and friendships her standards
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and boundaries her deepest desires her biggest dreams her past experiences
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and how they shape her present character what lights her soul
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up what excites her what worries her what scares her
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and most importantly you want to spend time with her just like that
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if you want to know more about yourself you need to ask yourself about all the aspects i just mentioned
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and don't give quick answers think about them deeply
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and write them down so that you can you know read them later
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and spend some time being alone in silence only
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when you're alone can you face your truths only
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when you're alone do the inner parts
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that you've hidden for years start to resurface only
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when you're alone can you listen to your inner voice because it is no longer dominated by other people's opinions
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only when you're alone can you see the shadows inside your mind the parts
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that you have run away from
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or suppressed for too long i will probably talk about facing your shadows in another video
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because it's too complex to just explain in a few sentences.
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But yeah, you need to know that all of your external problems stem from internal conflict and chaos.
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And in order for you to resolve these external issues, you need to look within and connect with yourself.
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And this is not just my idea.
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It has been talked about by so many great minds throughout history.
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Socrates said, know thyself.
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Lao Tzu said, he who knows others is wise he who knows himself is enlightened.
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Confucius said, to know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge.
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Aristotle said, knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
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Plato said, knowing yourself is the greatest wisdom.
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Carl Jung said, who looks outside, dreams.
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Who looks inside, awakes.
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He also said, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life.
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And you will call it fate.
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At first, when you embark on the journey of self -inquiry it can be a bit overwhelming
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but just keep walking on it one question at a time one moment of self -awareness at a time
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and gradually you'll know and accept every single part of yourself good
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or bad positive or negative light
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or darkness you can spend time doing what you love even
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when it doesn't come with monetary rewards you see your emotions as signals that can help you navigate through life,
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make positive changes and heal your past wounds.
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You appreciate yourself more, you consume less, your attention is more focused,
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you start to be more responsible for your own happiness instead of expecting others to make you feel happy.
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You understand a fact that emotional independence comes from the ability to perceive
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and treat yourself the way you would have wanted to be perceived
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and treated then you will experience more peace self -generated peace stable
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and everlasting peace that's when you untether yourself
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and you become free I want to make this video to tell you
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that it's never too late to learn about this even though we were not taught about emotional independence
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and we will probably never be taught about it we can teach ourselves
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and then we can teach our future generations always remember
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that this knowledge is not just for you it's for everybody around you the world will be a better place
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if each of us is more self -aware and self -accountable
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so let's make changes from today i didn't think i would be able to summarize all of my observations
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and experience into one video
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But I did it and I really hope that this video brings value to you.
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Thank you so much for watching.
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I'll see you again soon.
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Bye bye!
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “this knowledge will solve too many problems, that’s why it’s never taught to us”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: parent, taught, alone, self. This video has 258 sentences and 3203 words to shadow. The speech runs for 19:14. The speaker talks at a natural 167 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 88% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| emotion noun | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | A person's internal state of being and involuntary physiological response to an object or a situation, based on or tied to physical state and sensory data. |
| emotionally adverb | /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/ | In an emotional manner; displaying emotion. |
| connect verb | /kəˈnɛkt/ | To join (to another object): to attach, or to be intended to attach or capable of attaching, to another object. |
| dependent adjective | /dɪˈpɛndənt/ | Relying upon; depending upon. |
| mentally adverb | /ˈmɛntəli/ | In a mental manner; an idea thought out in one's mind, as opposed to an idea spoken orally. |
| heal verb | /ˈhiːl/ | To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure. |
| validation noun | /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/ | The act of validating something. |
| encourage verb | /ɪnˈkʌɹ.ɪd͡ʒ/ | To mentally support; to motivate, give courage, hope or spirit. |
| happiness noun | /ˈhæpinɪs/ | The emotion of being happy; joy; elation. |
| skill noun | /skɪl/ | A capacity to do something well; a technique, an ability, usually acquired or learned, as opposed to abilities that are regarded as innate. |
| wound noun | /ˈwund/ | An injury, such as a cut, stab, or tear, to a (usually external) part of the body. |
| silence noun | /ˈsaɪ̯ləns/ | The absence of any sound. |
| suffer verb | /ˈsʌfɚ/ | To undergo hardship. |
| awareness noun | /əˈwɛɹ.nəs/ | The state or level of consciousness where sense data can be confirmed by an observer. |
| deeply adverb | /ˈdi(ː)pli/ | To a deep extent or degree; very greatly. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| grow up verb | To mature and become an adult. |
| go up verb | To move upwards. |
| run away from verb | To avoid or shirk a problem or consequences; to rush to back away from or disclaim responsibility for something. |
| brush off verb | To disregard (something), to dismiss or ignore (someone), as unimportant. |
| build up verb | To erect; to construct. |
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. |
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. |
| mess up verb | To make a mess of; to untidy, disorder, soil, or muss. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Hi everyone, I'm back with another video.
- I'm going to talk about it.
- I'll see you again soon.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | I've been thinking · I've been marinating · have been running |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | has never been taught · I've observed · have lost |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | been taught · be accused · will be brushed |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | People who cannot · people who couldn · people who are |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 43 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, you're, we've. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, passion /ˈpæʃən/, shadow /ˈʃædəʊ̯/
- Long words — get the stress right: emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, miserable /ˈmɪz(ə)ɹəbəl/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like emotion, emotionally, connect.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.