Prática de Shadowing: Notes on Friendships | overthinking, break ups, deepening relationships, friction - Aprenda a falar inglês com vídeo
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Hello friends.
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Yeah, you.
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I'm calling you a friend because chances are if you click this video,
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you might feel some type of way about the friendships in your life.
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Maybe insecurity, maybe some doubt, maybe a lot more.
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But I am here to hold your hand and we're going to break down all things friendship.
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So let's get started.
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Now I'm going to be real here.
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Throughout the years, I have been a spectacular friend.
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I have also been a very shitty friend.
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I've been a straight up mid vanilla friend
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but at the ripe age of 33 i think i finally refined it
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so
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that i know how to be a better friend to those
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in my life let's look a little deeper let's look inward
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let's ask ourselves the questions what kind of friend am i
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what do i have to offer essentially these questions are good little like thought experiments to understand your own self-worth
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and what you are bringing to the friendship potluck
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because the reality is you attract what you are not what you want anyway I've done my homework already,
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so I will share my list.
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I've been told that I'm a great hype woman.
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If you have a goal,
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I wanna help you achieve it.
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You wanna sell some coins on Etsy?
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Let's do it.
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Run a marathon, let's go.
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I feel like I get like a actual contact high when I see my friends growing and evolving.
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It just makes me so freaking happy.
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I'm also a good listener.
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Some people can remember the lines of a movie front to back or can explain string theory,
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but my superpower is that I have this uncanny memory when it comes to conversations.
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If you tell me something or share something with me,
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chances are I will remember it and follow up.
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And this last one might sound a little weird,
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but chances are I won't envy anything you have.
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I know it's a bold statement,
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but I know I'm a secure person where someone's success doesn't trigger or activate anything in me other than genuine happiness.
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Like you never have to dim your light to make me feel comfortable.
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In my opinion, the more attuned and self-aware about your great qualities and not so great qualities,
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the better of a friend you can be.
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When I reflect on all the most tumultuous times of my friendships,
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it's when I was not in a good headspace.
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It's when I had low self-esteem and a lot of self-doubt.
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That's when I can be envious or competitive
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or second-guessing whether my friend even likes me or just dragging friendships that have been needing to end.
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And of course, a lot of these revelations happen through years of journaling and therapy.
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This is also where I wanna take a quick minute to thank BetterHelp for sponsoring this video.
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I've definitely become a better friend to others and myself through therapy.
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And I think it's because my therapist gets the rough,
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rough draft of anything that I'm going through,
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especially when it comes to friendships,
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because when you're talking about friendship conflict,
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sometimes it could be a little like,
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eh, to talk about it with other friends,
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because it's kind of like,
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is this gossip, or am I just trying to work things through?
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With the therapist, I like knowing that what I'm going through is entering an airtight container.
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Therapy has been a great way for me to resolve the things that have been bubbling up in my friendship sector.
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So if you guys are down to dabble in some therapy,
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you can have BetterHelp connect you to a licensed therapist to help you and your mental health.
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And getting started is a breeze.
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You just go to my link,
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betterhelp.com.gen, answer a few questions,
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and then BetterHelp will connect you to a professional, usually within 48 hours.
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From there, you can have your session either on a phone,
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computer, call, video chat, or even messaging.
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So if you'd like to give therapy a go,
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again, my link is betterhelp.com.gen,
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or you can choose Gen M during signup to enjoy a special discount for your first month.
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All right, so now that we've done our inner work,
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let's explore the outer world.
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We're gonna do a really fun exercise, guys.
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This is called a friend map.
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I want you to list every friend,
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acquaintance, even like friends that you'd like to get closer with on that list.
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It's gonna come in clutch when you have those nights where you're just crying being like,
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I have no friends.
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You'll know that it's a lie because you have this list.
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Look at it, memorize it.
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Who is in your inner circle?
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Honestly, if you have a rotation of three good friends in your life, you are good.
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But let's say you only have one,
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maybe it's time to look at that list of acquaintances and prepare to graft.
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Really think about what chapter they are in their lives I mean,
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I think this isn't like a huge thing to consider for your close close friends
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because they will make time for you No matter where you guys are in life
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But I find that this is helpful especially with new friendships
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because it helps when you guys are on the similar path So questions like are they married?
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Are they single?
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Do they have kids?
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Are they more work oriented?
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Are they going to school?
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Are they that random unemployed friend who is in Ibiza on a Tuesday afternoon?
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Are they more of a homebody?
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So next to the friends list,
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I want you to make a list of all the activities and interests that you would like to enjoy with a friend.
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So my big one is I want to have some deep and real conversations.
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These are the type of friends that you can hit up and be anywhere,
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like a Costco parking lot,
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just talking about the meaning of life and also wondering why matcha is $12 in LA.
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Once you have this list,
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try slotting your friends in each one of these sections.
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Some are just going to be very specific and some are going to tick a lot of those boxes.
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I do this because it's a lot to expect one friend to tick every single one of your needs.
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Like your introverted but like deeply reflective homebody friend might be great for a night in,
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but probably not the friend to take out to a warehouse party, you know?
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And that's okay.
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The ones that tick many of those boxes,
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those are your unicorn friends.
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Keep them, cherish them.
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They are so freaking rare.
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And consider yourself lucky.
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So now that we got the organization part out of the way,
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let's talk about building and maintaining a friendship.
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My biggest tip on that is to reach out.
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Reach out.
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Reach out first and never keep a tally on who reached out first
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because you will honestly be setting yourself up for disappointment.
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We all have seasons.
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We're all going through stuff.
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So do not be afraid.
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to be the first to initiate something.
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As long as they're saying yes, that's all that matters.
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Keep that friendship momentum going.
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Ask them out for dinner.
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Go to a karaoke bar.
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Go on a hike.
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Go on a picnic.
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Organize a beach day.
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Do not take it personally if people can't make it.
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Just keep going down that list and find someone that says yes eventually.
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You gotta shoot your shot, baby.
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Like honestly, life is way too short to just be twiddling your thumbs waiting for something to magically appear.
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You have control of your own life.
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So once you've locked in some quality time,
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here's some things that I keep in mind to deepen a friendship.
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I think the best types of friendships are ones where you can just dive right in.
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You know, I just can't keep things at surface level the whole time.
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You know, that's like just splashing around the kiddie pool.
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No, I want to get deep.
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I want to go in the dark waters with you.
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And then like come back on the shore and splash around again.
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And when a friend is sharing something with you, let them spread out.
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Ask them deeper questions.
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And if you can't think of a question,
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just like a simple earnest,
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wow, tell me more, goes a long way,
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especially if they're like really excited about the topic.
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And a conversation doesn't always need to be 50-50,
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right on the dot, but it should feel balanced.
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You know, at best, it feels like a really satisfying game of ping pong where you guys are snapping back and forth.
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But you know, there are also times
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when a friend needs the world of you and when you need the world from your friend.
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That's true, real friendship right there.
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Regardless, it's important to be vulnerable first.
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In the words of the great Brene Brown,
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A lot of the times when we enter social situations,
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we are wearing this clunky,
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heavy armor in hopes that it's gonna protect us.
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We might feel guilty or shameful about opening up about something a little too personal in our lives,
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but when you do that, you're just hurting yourself.
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You're bottling that shit in.
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That's not good for you.
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But it's easier for someone to open up when you take off that armor first.
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You're like, you know, I'm done.
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Like, this is me.
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Accept it or leave it.
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And oftentimes that inspires them to take off their armor too.
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Let's say you're that type of friend that doesn't want to share something dark
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or too sensitive in hopes that it will like kill the vibe.
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Try this thought experiment.
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Imagine the situation is reversed.
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Imagine that a good friend is really struggling with something and wants to open up to you about it.
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How would you feel?
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Personally, I would feel honored that they feel safe enough to share that information with me.
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Like never once have I been at a party being like,
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God, I was really enjoying myself at the bar until my friend wanted to talk about grieving the loss of a parent.
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Never!
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True friends will always be there when you need them.
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It's like a seesaw.
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Sometimes you're down, then they spring you back up.
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Vice versa.
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How do I know when to keep a friend?
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I think the biggest factor for me in this is after each hang,
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I kind of check in with myself and see how I'm feeling.
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Do I feel lighter or do I feel drained?
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Overall, I feel lighter.
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Even if what we spoke about was dark as ,
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I still feel just more fortified because I know we've got each other's backs.
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But if you notice that after each hang,
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you're feeling heavier or you're just kind of like second guessing,
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like, do they even like me?
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I think it's important to not ignore this.
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It might be a time to just put some space,
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let the friendship breathe, or pull them over for a chat, Love Island style.
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Our intuition is a big thing and I think we should listen to it a lot more.
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Now in a friendship, there will be friction because as humans, we are imperfect.
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Sometimes we act shitty unintentionally or sometimes the chemistry is just off.
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But these are some things that have helped me navigate times of hardship in a friendship.
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This is the hot take,
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but do not try to change your friend.
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When you are deciding that you want to be friends with someone,
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you have to accept them exactly as they are right now.
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If you are trying to change someone,
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that is your weird way of attempting to control them.
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You have to let people be who they are.
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And if you spend any time trying to change someone,
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you're just draining your own precious energy.
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You're gonna be so disappointed.
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And we are done with our Bob the Builder era.
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For example, we all have that friend that is consistently late to the function.
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Every time, without a shadow of a doubt, they're gonna be late.
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They're gonna be texting you,
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being like, I'm on the way.
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You're like, no, you're not, bitch.
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I know you're at home.
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And the thing is, we still love them because once they arrive,
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it's a good time.
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Instead of criticizing them or just being like passive aggressive on their tardiness,
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what if, what if we just accepted them as our tardy friend?
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You know, you can't change them.
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You just can't, you're not God,
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but you can change your thoughts and you can adapt.
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It makes sense to meet them at a place where time's not gonna be a big factor.
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You can invite them over to yours or offer to go to theirs,
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be like, hey, I'm gonna bring some wine and cookies.
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How does that sound?
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And then another easy trick is if the dinner's at seven Tell them it's at 630.
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My personal trick when I'm hanging out with a tardy friend is
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that I just bring my Kindle or like another piece of reading material so that way when I'm waiting,
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I'm actually getting some reading in.
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So it's a win-win.
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I feel like these small adjustments can really help with the health of a good friendship.
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Now I wanna cover confrontation.
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As we've established, we are all deeply imperfect.
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We're gonna mess up.
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Let's say there's a friend that's not treating you right.
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It's killing your vibe.
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Maybe on a night out,
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she's just picking on you or making you feel small.
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If it's really bothering you,
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I think it makes sense to have a chat about it.
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You know, it doesn't need to be a crazy big intervention style.
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If you don't speak your mind and you let it roll over every single time,
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that irk is gonna mutate to resentment.
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And resentment is a demon, y'all.
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It is really, really hard to shake off when resentment's living in your heart.
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It boils, it ferments, it mutates even further, it's dark.
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So better to just clear the air.
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And there is no play-by-play on handling difficult conversations,
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but my rule of thumb is it's not what you say,
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it's how you say it.
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So really simple, hey, yesterday,
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when you said X, Y,
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and Z about me, it made me feel like this.
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And if they're a true friend,
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they're gonna be like, oh my God,
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I didn't even realize I did that, I'm so sorry.
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And then the behavior can be resolved.
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Most of the time, our behavior is completely subconscious.
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So honestly, if a friend pulled me over saying
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that I made them feel a certain way about a certain thing that I did,
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I would be all ears,
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apologize, and we can move forward.
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But let's say that friend is acting hostile and defensive,
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I think it's time to give that friendship a little break.
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Moving on to more of a serious example of confrontation
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Let's say you have a friend who is making life choices that you don't agree with
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Before you confront them really reflect on what the situation is Is this coming from a place of judgment
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or actual genuine care?
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This is an extremely delicate area because you just do not want to come off preachy because immediately walls will go up.
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You gotta remember that everyone is just trying to figure out their own shit.
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People are gonna do what they're gonna do,
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and they will change when they wanna change,
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not because of something you said,
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as much as our ego would like to believe that,
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like, oh my God, it's me.
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No, they changed because they wanted to.
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It just shows that we're all on our own timelines,
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and that means making mistakes, a lot of them.
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I think that's one of the hardest things about life.
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It's watching the people you love make devastating choices to learn the lessons that they need to.
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You just gotta trust the process.
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I'm a firm believer that friendships have seasons.
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The only constant thing is change.
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And we have zero control on who decides to stay in our lives.
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And one of our big life lessons is to be at peace with that.
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Friendships can fizzle for a lot of reasons.
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Maybe someone moves, they have kids,
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they get into a relationship,
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changes their career, or maybe it's something deeper.
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And we should normalize that friendships wax and wane.
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And most of the time,
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it's not even worth having a conversation about because it's like a mutual understanding.
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Like I call this a friendship winter and the signs are all there.
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It's when they reach out to you
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and you're just really struggling to find a date that works
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or if like the day finally comes and you're just like filled with dread,
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that is probably a sign that you need to let the friendship breathe.
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I have been in both positions,
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the reacher and the reachee.
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The reality is we all have such a limited amount of free time.
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We spend a lot of our time working.
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And then if you have like a little side project thing,
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like a little passion project thing,
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you wanna spend some time in that.
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If you're a parent, you gotta mom it up.
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Then you're just trying to do some self-care stuff to recharge.
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Any free time that's remaining should be spent on the friends that are feeding you, fueling you.
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Life is too short to spend it with people that you just don't want to.
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I mean, release the guilt, release the obligation.
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This is your freaking life.
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Probably just in different life paths.
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Maybe you guys will merge again.
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I do wanna cover friendship breakups though because they are just awful,
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but a part of life.
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Friendship can only work when both parties wanna participate.
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And if one of y'all wanna bounce,
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our job is to radically accept that.
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If you're up for it,
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you can ask your friend why they wanna break away.
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I think it's worth hearing out what they have to say, in my opinion.
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You don't need to take it all to heart,
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but you will be getting feedback from someone who's spent a lot of time with you.
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It could be a path for growth.
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But let's say they ghosted you with no response.
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This is when you're gonna have to put your creative hat on and come to your own conclusions.
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I realized that everyone I know has a different version of me in their head.
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And that's a narrative that I can't control.
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We're all multifaceted people that have just ever-changing moods depending on the environment or the place that we're in our lives.
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If I am in a period of self-doubt and self-hatred,
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I am not gonna be vibrating high at the function.
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But if I have crossed off everything on my to-do list,
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I'm feeling electric, I am just gonna be bouncing off the walls.
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and your true friends are the ones that accept all versions of you exactly as you are.
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And instead of lasering in on that one friend that doesn't wanna be a part of your life,
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you have to remember it's their loss, baby.
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Look at all the friends that choose to stay in your life.
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Friendship is always gonna be a two-way street.
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Remember who you are and what you bring to the table.
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And if you're having one of those days where you're feeling really sorry for yourself,
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bust out that list and read all those great qualities and attributes that you bring to the table.
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You have to be your own hype man, you know?
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No one else is gonna do it better than you.
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So that is a wrap on this video.
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Before I head out, if you are interested in starting therapy,
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let BetterHelp connect you to a therapist in the comfort of your own home.
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Visit betterhelp.com slash Jen or click Jen Im during the signup for a special discount off your first month.
349
All right, thank you so much for watching and I'll see you guys in the next one.
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Bye.
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Por que praticar a fala com este vídeo?
Assistir a vídeos como este é uma excelente maneira de aprender inglês com YouTube, especialmente se você está buscando desenvolver suas habilidades de fala e compreensão. Este vídeo aborda temas universais sobre amizade, o que torna a linguagem utilizada acessível e relevante. Através da narrativa autêntica do falante, você poderá praticar a imitação de entonações, ritmos e emoções, essenciais para uma boa comunicação. O ato de shadowing (replicar as falas do vídeo em tempo real) estimulará não apenas sua fluência, mas também sua confiança ao falar.
Gramática & Expressões em Contexto
A seguir, analisaremos algumas estruturas e expressões que aparecem no vídeo, ajudando você a entender como usá-las em contextos semelhantes:
- “I have been a spectacular friend”: Aqui, o uso do presente perfeito mostra ações que têm relevância no presente. Essa estrutura é útil para descrever experiências ao longo do tempo.
- “What kind of friend am I?”: A inversão na forma interrogativa é uma maneira eficaz de formular perguntas reflexivas. Praticar essas estruturas pode ajudá-lo a questionar a si mesmo em conversas.
- “You attract what you are”: Esta expressão reflete uma verdade sobre relacionamentos. Compreender e utilizar expressões idiomáticas ajuda a enriquecer seu vocabulário e melhorar a pronúncia em inglês.
Armadilhas Comuns de Pronúncia
Ao assistir a este vídeo, preste atenção em algumas palavras e sons que podem ser desafiadores:
- “friend”: A pronúncia do “fr” pode ser complicada para falantes não nativos. Pratique a articulação desse som ao repetir.
- “insecurities”: Essa palavra tem sílabas que podem ser facilmente confundidas. Foque na divisão silábica para facilitar a pronúncia.
- “self-esteem”: O som do “s” inicial pode ser sutil, então pratique enfatizando a primeira sílaba.
Com estas dicas, você estará no caminho certo para melhorar a sua pronúncia em inglês e aproveitar ao máximo a prática de shadow speech. Incorporar o que aprendeu nesses vídeos em seu dia a dia é fundamental para aprimorar suas habilidades linguísticas. Pratique as expressões, escute atentamente e não hesite em repetir várias vezes para conseguir acompanhar o ritmo natural da fala.
Gramática neste vídeo
As estruturas que o falante mais usa, com as palavras exatas do vídeo:
| Estrutura | No vídeo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — uma ação que começou antes e continua | have been needing · have been bubbling |
| Present perfect have/has + particípio passado — uma ação passada que ainda importa agora | have been · have also been · I've been |
| Voz passiva be + particípio passado — o foco está no que acontece, não em quem faz | I've been told · is called · is reversed |
| Orações relativas who / which + oração — informação extra sobre uma pessoa ou coisa | friend who is · friend that is · friends that are |
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.