Практика Shadowing: Notes on Friendships | overthinking, break ups, deepening relationships, friction - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

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Hello friends.

Yeah, you.

I'm calling you a friend because chances are if you click this video,

you might feel some type of way about the friendships in your life.

Maybe insecurity, maybe some doubt, maybe a lot more.

But I am here to hold your hand and we're going to break down all things friendship.

So let's get started.

Now I'm going to be real here.

Throughout the years, I have been a spectacular friend.

I have also been a very shitty friend.

I've been a straight up mid vanilla friend

but at the ripe age of 33 i think i finally refined it

that i know how to be a better friend to those

in my life let's look a little deeper let's look inward

let's ask ourselves the questions what kind of friend am i

what do i have to offer essentially these questions are good little like thought experiments to understand your own self-worth

and what you are bringing to the friendship potluck

because the reality is you attract what you are not what you want anyway I've done my homework already,

so I will share my list.

I've been told that I'm a great hype woman.

If you have a goal,

I wanna help you achieve it.

You wanna sell some coins on Etsy?

Let's do it.

Run a marathon, let's go.

I feel like I get like a actual contact high when I see my friends growing and evolving.

It just makes me so freaking happy.

I'm also a good listener.

Some people can remember the lines of a movie front to back or can explain string theory,

but my superpower is that I have this uncanny memory when it comes to conversations.

If you tell me something or share something with me,

chances are I will remember it and follow up.

And this last one might sound a little weird,

but chances are I won't envy anything you have.

I know it's a bold statement,

but I know I'm a secure person where someone's success doesn't trigger or activate anything in me other than genuine happiness.

Like you never have to dim your light to make me feel comfortable.

In my opinion, the more attuned and self-aware about your great qualities and not so great qualities,

the better of a friend you can be.

When I reflect on all the most tumultuous times of my friendships,

it's when I was not in a good headspace.

It's when I had low self-esteem and a lot of self-doubt.

That's when I can be envious or competitive

or second-guessing whether my friend even likes me or just dragging friendships that have been needing to end.

And of course, a lot of these revelations happen through years of journaling and therapy.

This is also where I wanna take a quick minute to thank BetterHelp for sponsoring this video.

I've definitely become a better friend to others and myself through therapy.

And I think it's because my therapist gets the rough,

rough draft of anything that I'm going through,

especially when it comes to friendships,

because when you're talking about friendship conflict,

sometimes it could be a little like,

eh, to talk about it with other friends,

because it's kind of like,

is this gossip, or am I just trying to work things through?

With the therapist, I like knowing that what I'm going through is entering an airtight container.

Therapy has been a great way for me to resolve the things that have been bubbling up in my friendship sector.

So if you guys are down to dabble in some therapy,

you can have BetterHelp connect you to a licensed therapist to help you and your mental health.

And getting started is a breeze.

You just go to my link,

betterhelp.com.gen, answer a few questions,

and then BetterHelp will connect you to a professional, usually within 48 hours.

From there, you can have your session either on a phone,

computer, call, video chat, or even messaging.

So if you'd like to give therapy a go,

again, my link is betterhelp.com.gen,

or you can choose Gen M during signup to enjoy a special discount for your first month.

All right, so now that we've done our inner work,

let's explore the outer world.

We're gonna do a really fun exercise, guys.

This is called a friend map.

I want you to list every friend,

acquaintance, even like friends that you'd like to get closer with on that list.

It's gonna come in clutch when you have those nights where you're just crying being like,

I have no friends.

You'll know that it's a lie because you have this list.

Look at it, memorize it.

Who is in your inner circle?

Honestly, if you have a rotation of three good friends in your life, you are good.

But let's say you only have one,

maybe it's time to look at that list of acquaintances and prepare to graft.

Really think about what chapter they are in their lives I mean,

I think this isn't like a huge thing to consider for your close close friends

because they will make time for you No matter where you guys are in life

But I find that this is helpful especially with new friendships

because it helps when you guys are on the similar path So questions like are they married?

Are they single?

Do they have kids?

Are they more work oriented?

Are they going to school?

Are they that random unemployed friend who is in Ibiza on a Tuesday afternoon?

Are they more of a homebody?

So next to the friends list,

I want you to make a list of all the activities and interests that you would like to enjoy with a friend.

So my big one is I want to have some deep and real conversations.

These are the type of friends that you can hit up and be anywhere,

like a Costco parking lot,

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just talking about the meaning of life and also wondering why matcha is $12 in LA.

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Once you have this list,

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try slotting your friends in each one of these sections.

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Some are just going to be very specific and some are going to tick a lot of those boxes.

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I do this because it's a lot to expect one friend to tick every single one of your needs.

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Like your introverted but like deeply reflective homebody friend might be great for a night in,

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but probably not the friend to take out to a warehouse party, you know?

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And that's okay.

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The ones that tick many of those boxes,

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those are your unicorn friends.

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Keep them, cherish them.

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They are so freaking rare.

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And consider yourself lucky.

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So now that we got the organization part out of the way,

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let's talk about building and maintaining a friendship.

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My biggest tip on that is to reach out.

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Reach out.

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Reach out first and never keep a tally on who reached out first

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because you will honestly be setting yourself up for disappointment.

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We all have seasons.

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We're all going through stuff.

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So do not be afraid.

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to be the first to initiate something.

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As long as they're saying yes, that's all that matters.

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Keep that friendship momentum going.

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Ask them out for dinner.

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Go to a karaoke bar.

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Go on a hike.

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Go on a picnic.

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Organize a beach day.

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Do not take it personally if people can't make it.

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Just keep going down that list and find someone that says yes eventually.

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You gotta shoot your shot, baby.

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Like honestly, life is way too short to just be twiddling your thumbs waiting for something to magically appear.

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You have control of your own life.

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So once you've locked in some quality time,

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here's some things that I keep in mind to deepen a friendship.

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I think the best types of friendships are ones where you can just dive right in.

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You know, I just can't keep things at surface level the whole time.

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You know, that's like just splashing around the kiddie pool.

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No, I want to get deep.

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I want to go in the dark waters with you.

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And then like come back on the shore and splash around again.

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And when a friend is sharing something with you, let them spread out.

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Ask them deeper questions.

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And if you can't think of a question,

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just like a simple earnest,

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wow, tell me more, goes a long way,

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especially if they're like really excited about the topic.

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And a conversation doesn't always need to be 50-50,

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right on the dot, but it should feel balanced.

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You know, at best, it feels like a really satisfying game of ping pong where you guys are snapping back and forth.

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But you know, there are also times

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when a friend needs the world of you and when you need the world from your friend.

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That's true, real friendship right there.

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Regardless, it's important to be vulnerable first.

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In the words of the great Brene Brown,

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A lot of the times when we enter social situations,

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we are wearing this clunky,

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heavy armor in hopes that it's gonna protect us.

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We might feel guilty or shameful about opening up about something a little too personal in our lives,

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but when you do that, you're just hurting yourself.

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You're bottling that shit in.

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That's not good for you.

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But it's easier for someone to open up when you take off that armor first.

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You're like, you know, I'm done.

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Like, this is me.

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Accept it or leave it.

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And oftentimes that inspires them to take off their armor too.

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Let's say you're that type of friend that doesn't want to share something dark

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or too sensitive in hopes that it will like kill the vibe.

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Try this thought experiment.

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Imagine the situation is reversed.

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Imagine that a good friend is really struggling with something and wants to open up to you about it.

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How would you feel?

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Personally, I would feel honored that they feel safe enough to share that information with me.

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Like never once have I been at a party being like,

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God, I was really enjoying myself at the bar until my friend wanted to talk about grieving the loss of a parent.

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Never!

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True friends will always be there when you need them.

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It's like a seesaw.

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Sometimes you're down, then they spring you back up.

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Vice versa.

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How do I know when to keep a friend?

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I think the biggest factor for me in this is after each hang,

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I kind of check in with myself and see how I'm feeling.

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Do I feel lighter or do I feel drained?

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Overall, I feel lighter.

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Even if what we spoke about was dark as ,

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I still feel just more fortified because I know we've got each other's backs.

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But if you notice that after each hang,

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you're feeling heavier or you're just kind of like second guessing,

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like, do they even like me?

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I think it's important to not ignore this.

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It might be a time to just put some space,

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let the friendship breathe, or pull them over for a chat, Love Island style.

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Our intuition is a big thing and I think we should listen to it a lot more.

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Now in a friendship, there will be friction because as humans, we are imperfect.

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Sometimes we act shitty unintentionally or sometimes the chemistry is just off.

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But these are some things that have helped me navigate times of hardship in a friendship.

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This is the hot take,

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but do not try to change your friend.

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When you are deciding that you want to be friends with someone,

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you have to accept them exactly as they are right now.

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If you are trying to change someone,

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that is your weird way of attempting to control them.

206

You have to let people be who they are.

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And if you spend any time trying to change someone,

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you're just draining your own precious energy.

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You're gonna be so disappointed.

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And we are done with our Bob the Builder era.

211

For example, we all have that friend that is consistently late to the function.

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Every time, without a shadow of a doubt, they're gonna be late.

213

They're gonna be texting you,

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being like, I'm on the way.

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You're like, no, you're not, bitch.

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I know you're at home.

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And the thing is, we still love them because once they arrive,

218

it's a good time.

219

Instead of criticizing them or just being like passive aggressive on their tardiness,

220

what if, what if we just accepted them as our tardy friend?

221

You know, you can't change them.

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You just can't, you're not God,

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but you can change your thoughts and you can adapt.

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It makes sense to meet them at a place where time's not gonna be a big factor.

225

You can invite them over to yours or offer to go to theirs,

226

be like, hey, I'm gonna bring some wine and cookies.

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How does that sound?

228

And then another easy trick is if the dinner's at seven Tell them it's at 630.

229

My personal trick when I'm hanging out with a tardy friend is

230

that I just bring my Kindle or like another piece of reading material so that way when I'm waiting,

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I'm actually getting some reading in.

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So it's a win-win.

233

I feel like these small adjustments can really help with the health of a good friendship.

234

Now I wanna cover confrontation.

235

As we've established, we are all deeply imperfect.

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We're gonna mess up.

237

Let's say there's a friend that's not treating you right.

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It's killing your vibe.

239

Maybe on a night out,

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she's just picking on you or making you feel small.

241

If it's really bothering you,

242

I think it makes sense to have a chat about it.

243

You know, it doesn't need to be a crazy big intervention style.

244

If you don't speak your mind and you let it roll over every single time,

245

that irk is gonna mutate to resentment.

246

And resentment is a demon, y'all.

247

It is really, really hard to shake off when resentment's living in your heart.

248

It boils, it ferments, it mutates even further, it's dark.

249

So better to just clear the air.

250

And there is no play-by-play on handling difficult conversations,

251

but my rule of thumb is it's not what you say,

252

it's how you say it.

253

So really simple, hey, yesterday,

254

when you said X, Y,

255

and Z about me, it made me feel like this.

256

And if they're a true friend,

257

they're gonna be like, oh my God,

258

I didn't even realize I did that, I'm so sorry.

259

And then the behavior can be resolved.

260

Most of the time, our behavior is completely subconscious.

261

So honestly, if a friend pulled me over saying

262

that I made them feel a certain way about a certain thing that I did,

263

I would be all ears,

264

apologize, and we can move forward.

265

But let's say that friend is acting hostile and defensive,

266

I think it's time to give that friendship a little break.

267

Moving on to more of a serious example of confrontation

268

Let's say you have a friend who is making life choices that you don't agree with

269

Before you confront them really reflect on what the situation is Is this coming from a place of judgment

270

or actual genuine care?

271

This is an extremely delicate area because you just do not want to come off preachy because immediately walls will go up.

272

You gotta remember that everyone is just trying to figure out their own shit.

273

People are gonna do what they're gonna do,

274

and they will change when they wanna change,

275

not because of something you said,

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as much as our ego would like to believe that,

277

like, oh my God, it's me.

278

No, they changed because they wanted to.

279

It just shows that we're all on our own timelines,

280

and that means making mistakes, a lot of them.

281

I think that's one of the hardest things about life.

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It's watching the people you love make devastating choices to learn the lessons that they need to.

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You just gotta trust the process.

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I'm a firm believer that friendships have seasons.

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The only constant thing is change.

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And we have zero control on who decides to stay in our lives.

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And one of our big life lessons is to be at peace with that.

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Friendships can fizzle for a lot of reasons.

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Maybe someone moves, they have kids,

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they get into a relationship,

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changes their career, or maybe it's something deeper.

292

And we should normalize that friendships wax and wane.

293

And most of the time,

294

it's not even worth having a conversation about because it's like a mutual understanding.

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Like I call this a friendship winter and the signs are all there.

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It's when they reach out to you

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and you're just really struggling to find a date that works

298

or if like the day finally comes and you're just like filled with dread,

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that is probably a sign that you need to let the friendship breathe.

300

I have been in both positions,

301

the reacher and the reachee.

302

The reality is we all have such a limited amount of free time.

303

We spend a lot of our time working.

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And then if you have like a little side project thing,

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like a little passion project thing,

306

you wanna spend some time in that.

307

If you're a parent, you gotta mom it up.

308

Then you're just trying to do some self-care stuff to recharge.

309

Any free time that's remaining should be spent on the friends that are feeding you, fueling you.

310

Life is too short to spend it with people that you just don't want to.

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I mean, release the guilt, release the obligation.

312

This is your freaking life.

313

Probably just in different life paths.

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Maybe you guys will merge again.

315

I do wanna cover friendship breakups though because they are just awful,

316

but a part of life.

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Friendship can only work when both parties wanna participate.

318

And if one of y'all wanna bounce,

319

our job is to radically accept that.

320

If you're up for it,

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you can ask your friend why they wanna break away.

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I think it's worth hearing out what they have to say, in my opinion.

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You don't need to take it all to heart,

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but you will be getting feedback from someone who's spent a lot of time with you.

325

It could be a path for growth.

326

But let's say they ghosted you with no response.

327

This is when you're gonna have to put your creative hat on and come to your own conclusions.

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I realized that everyone I know has a different version of me in their head.

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And that's a narrative that I can't control.

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We're all multifaceted people that have just ever-changing moods depending on the environment or the place that we're in our lives.

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If I am in a period of self-doubt and self-hatred,

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I am not gonna be vibrating high at the function.

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But if I have crossed off everything on my to-do list,

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I'm feeling electric, I am just gonna be bouncing off the walls.

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and your true friends are the ones that accept all versions of you exactly as you are.

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And instead of lasering in on that one friend that doesn't wanna be a part of your life,

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you have to remember it's their loss, baby.

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Look at all the friends that choose to stay in your life.

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Friendship is always gonna be a two-way street.

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Remember who you are and what you bring to the table.

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And if you're having one of those days where you're feeling really sorry for yourself,

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bust out that list and read all those great qualities and attributes that you bring to the table.

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You have to be your own hype man, you know?

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No one else is gonna do it better than you.

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So that is a wrap on this video.

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Before I head out, if you are interested in starting therapy,

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let BetterHelp connect you to a therapist in the comfort of your own home.

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Visit betterhelp.com slash Jen or click Jen Im during the signup for a special discount off your first month.

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All right, thank you so much for watching and I'll see you guys in the next one.

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Bye.

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FOR YOU

Об этом уроке

В этом уроке вы будете практиковать разговорный английский, фокусируясь на темах дружбы, взаимопонимания и самоосознания. Мы разобьем сложные концепции и ключевые фразы из видео, чтобы помочь вам лучше понимать и применять их в разговорной речи. Этот урок будет полезен не только для улучшения ваших навыков, но и для лучшего понимания себя и своей роли в дружеских отношениях.

Ключевая лексика и фразы

Friendship – дружба
Insecurity – неуверенность
Self-worth – самооценка
Supportive – поддерживающий
Listener – слушатель
Envy – зависть
Growth – развитие
Self-awareness – самосознание

Советы по практике

Для эффективной практики разговорного английского через это видео рекомендуется применять технику шадоувокинга (shadowing). Если вы ищете качественные ресурсы для такой практики, рекомендуется посетить сайты, которые фокусируются на данном методе обучения. Слушая видео, старайтесь повторять каждую фразу сразу после ее произнесения. Обратите внимание на интонацию и скорость речи. Видео имеет умеренный темп, что позволяет вам легко подстраивать свою речь под речевой образец.

Попробуйте использовать шадоувокинг в местах, где говорящий делает паузы, чтобы вы могли лучше усвоить структуру предложений. Это особенно полезно для повышения уверенности в своем произношении и понимании английского языка. Учите английский с YouTube, чтобы заметить, как развитие ваших навыков общения влияет на отношения с друзьями и людьми вокруг вас.

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Present Perfect Continuous have/has been + -ing — действие началось раньше и продолжается	have been needing · have been bubbling
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	have been · have also been · I've been
Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает	I've been told · is called · is reversed
Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете	friend who is · friend that is · friends that are

Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

Техника шедоуинга: читать полное пошаговое руководство →

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