Практика Shadowing: Kumail Nanjiani's Handsome Squidward Paradigm Shift - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube

I don't watch Spongebob, I was too old for it,

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I don't watch Spongebob, I was too old for it,

but there's like one character who at some point must have gotten some work done or something Who's,

is it, Squidward?

You're referring to handsome Squidward Handsome Squidward Handsome Squidward!

Yes You'll see handsome Squidward,

whenever I post anything, you'll see a couple of handsome Squidwards in the comments There!

I got like, oh god,

I got like, I shrank from that Cause that picture,

I see anytime I post anything,

that f***ing picture and then there's another one of a handsome squidward like dancing or something.

To me, that's like the face of my oppressor is handsome squidward.

Hey everyone, it's The Rock.

Welcome back to another talk.

Today we've got a dilemma unlike any I've seen before.

Today's subject is comedian, writer,

and actor Kumail Nanjiani, who is under pressure for a phenomenally interesting reason,

resulting in an equally fascinating response.

Also, we've decided you're gonna be the first person we mock for getting in shape.

What?

How the fuck did that happen?

That's happened to nobody else in the history of civilization.

Why me?

I had almost my entire life very,

very tough relationship with my own appearance since I was a little kid.

When I was like five,

I was the most gorgeous kid you've ever seen.

To the point where people on the street would make jokes about wanting to kidnap me.

Shopkeepers were threatened to kidnap me.

Wow.

That's the ultimate compliment, by the way.

Oh, you're kidnappable.

Literally all the time, like if I walked in the store and I didn't get a compliment,

I'd be like, what is wrong with these people?

Wow.

I was so gorgeous that life was like terrifying for me.

And then it really changed.

My neck got really long.

I got four Adam's apples.

My head got huge.

I remember when it dawned on me,

I was like, you know,

nobody's threatened to kidnap me in a while.

And then looking in the mirror being like,

oh no. From that point on,

I just thought of myself as being very ugly.

I wouldn't go to a store because I thought they wouldn't sell me stuff because I was too ugly.

It was really, really very intense.

Just thinking of how I felt about myself when I was 14 and being able to articulate it now,

It kind of breaks my heart for that like 14 year old.

At a certain point I was like,

and nobody will ever have sex with me.

Like I had times in like my teens where I was like,

nobody's ever going to have sex with me ever.

They used to call me chicken shoulders at school.

I don't even think of a chicken having shoulders.

Exactly.

Oh, I get it.

And so I sort of became very obsessed with how I look from the age of like 10.

It took years and years to get past that all through my 20s and even through my 30s.

That's kind of why comedy was so important to me,

where it doesn't matter how you look.

I remember I was doing a show early on.

I was with a handsome guy and I came back and I gained some way and he made fun of me.

And I was like, I can look like anything and work just as much as I work now.

You need to look like that to work.

What did happen in that episode?

I've never even looked it up.

Why does he look like that?

Okay, so in order to understand Kumail Nanjiani's Handsome Squidward paradigm shift,

we have to first understand Squidward's Handsome Squidward paradigm shift.

So, we're going back to the source material so that we can understand what it all means.

Well, let's just pull it up, shall we?

Ah, yes, there we go.

Season 5.

Yikes.

Alright, let's see what's up.

Right, so through a total accident...

No!

By the way!

Ah!

SpongeBob, you broke my face!

Squidward becomes handsome through the blunt force trauma of being hit in the face by this metal door.

Wait, that looks an awful lot like...

BLAY DOOOOOO!

He becomes beautiful.

People immediately adore him.

Everyone adores him.

It is insane how handsome the Squid has become just by getting hit in the face by a f***ing door.

I mean, that's awesome.

Squid gets what he wants,

love and adoration, by way of accidentally becoming Beauty Tribe.

And there's no downsides to beauty, right?

Customers!

Everyone will get the opportunity to touch Squidward!

What?

Realizing that there's some fucked up downsides to this shit,

Squidward realizes he would rather become himself again.

Public life ain't all it's cracked up to be!

I want my old life back!

100

They try to reverse the paradigm shift by doing the exact same thing that got him there in the first place,

101

hitting him over the face with the metal door.

102

And SpongeBob really gets in there.

103

But it only makes him more handsome!

104

SpongeBob desperately tries to save Squidward from a falling shoe,

105

leading into this beautiful shot of Squidward not dancing,

106

but falling, towards the pillar of the restaurant which he lands into and miraculously reverts to his old self.

107

And so, I find it fascinating

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that Squidward's handsome Squidward paradigm shift leads him down a road of temporary satisfaction but ultimate yearning for his originality.

109

And, fascinatingly, in contrast, Kumail Nanjiani's handsome Squidward paradigm shift would involve opposites.

110

Getting really buff for a role and people getting upset about it.

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Was that, like, difficult for you?

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Or were you just like,

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I am right, they're being weird.

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No, it was a f***ing nightmare.

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To sort of get in this kind of shape and worrying about how I looked again,

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it was kind of a mindfuck to sort of,

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it felt like I'd like regressed 10 years back.

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To then hit my 40s and suddenly have that come back in such a public and strong way,

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really got at like to what to me genuinely was like deep childhood trauma.

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There was a picture of me sitting across from Emily at Christmas,

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and I have like a gingerbread house next to me and I'm just sitting there.

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For some reason, people didn't like the way my jawline looked or something.

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People think I've gotten like work done.

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I have not ever gotten any work done.

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This is like the deep COVID.

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I'm full of fear because my wife is in a high risk group.

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We get super high and we're watching The Crow.

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And a friend of mine texted me,

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he's like, hey, I'm sorry about what's happening online.

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I'm super high.

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I look, and it's literally thousands of people on Twitter making fun of my face.

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Did you see it and then put the phone away?

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No. Or did you really dive in?

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I dove in.

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I swam in it.

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And then eventually, Emily was like,

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do not be on your phone.

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And I was like, okay,

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just tell me if it's still happening.

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And the next day, I woke up.

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Yeah, it's still happening.

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All day, I kept checking in.

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It's still happening.

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It was like the number one trending thing.

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It was like a thing.

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And then the next day I woke up,

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she's like, yeah, it's still happening.

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So it was like two days and then they moved on to the next door.

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There was right around that time,

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there was a dad who was like shitty to his kid about beans or something.

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Do you remember what I'm talking about?

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Very vaguely.

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It was like Bean Dad.

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Bean Dad!

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Yeah.

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I owe a debt of gratitude to fucking Bean Dad.

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Because he moved the conversation on.

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Everyone then was like, whoa, Bean Dad now.

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And they moved off of me.

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The hordes moved off of me.

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Went after Bean Dad.

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Bean Dad was like, you know what?

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I got you, buddy.

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He jumped in front of the bullets.

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So that was very, very tough and really like working through it with my therapist a lot.

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And it's still something that kind of comes up.

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Comments on whenever I post anything,

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someone will talk about that I fucked up my face or something.

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Oh, and I watched Eternals just,

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you know, research for this video and...

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All cute, like fun, like whatever,

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like stupid, like Mardi Gras.

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The unfortunate thing is that the movie bombed.

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I mean, like, it didn't bomb,

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but it didn't make 600 million dollars, so they're canceling it.

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It could have been its own shitty Avengers and everything.

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I thought it was gonna be a hit!

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It turns out it fucking sucks!

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And now he's just handsome squitted up for a single superhero movie,

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and nothing else queued up that requires him to be in that shape.

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The hard thing is, I am jacked,

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but I don't have the vibe of a jacked guy.

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Yeah, yeah!

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The meanest comment I've ever gotten,

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because it's true, someone was like,

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Well his voice didn't get abs.

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I was like, yeah, that is true.

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I don't have the vibe.

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I have the vibe of a dork from Pakistan.

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If like the Marvel shit takes off,

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because I saw you talking about it,

192

where you're like, this is my life for a decade.

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Is there a party that's like,

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that seemed like a lot.

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Like, are you kind of happy or not in the like...

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No. Are you fucking kidding me?

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Oh yeah, by now I've been like four Marvel movies.

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What a bummer.

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Oh my God.

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This guy's movies have made two billion at the box office.

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Cash money Kumail!

202

Yeah, with my luck that would be the backlash to that too.

203

Like, this guy's movies are making too much money.

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Fuck that guy.

205

No, because you know, if you do one of those a year,

206

the rest of the year you can do whatever you want.

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And suddenly, you know, I can make like, True.

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10 million dollar movies that with my name get made.

209

Right.

210

I was really hoping you'd be like, yes, it's a prison.

211

Oh my god.

212

No, that would have been great.

213

Are you fucking kidding me?

214

Maybe the only guy in just one?

215

Just one for me, thank you.

216

I will never forget that you were like,

217

in a way, it's a blessing in disguise, right?

218

And so fascinatingly, while Squidward became handsome,

219

loved it for a little bit,

220

and then hated it because the love was too much,

221

Kubel got in shape, liked it,

222

and eventually received so much backlash for it that he became confused by it.

223

You know, it was all his intention to work on his self-esteem,

224

his self-image as he's been struggling his whole life,

225

Only for him to get that and be rejected.

226

Oh, he got amped?

227

What a moron!

228

What?!

229

Who changed the rules?

230

Why didn't anybody give me a heads up?

231

Do you know how hard this was? And so...

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What's a Squidward to do after you paradigm shifted into a handsome life?

233

What's your next move?

234

Well, I believe this last piece of information can be found in digging deeper into not just Kumail's life,

235

but his relationship with Emily,

236

the love of his life.

237

Well, if you don't know the story of how they met,

238

it's been beautifully captured in the couple's breakout screenplay, The Big Sick.

239

What are the long-term impacts of nearly dying?

240

How does it change your personality?

241

I think initially I was very adamant that nothing,

242

I didn't change at all.

243

And that this was just a blip in my life

244

and absolutely nothing had changed and that could not have been further from the truth.

245

I wrote a really horrible essay.

246

It was just literally like,

247

I was in a coma and nothing changed.

248

I'm the exact same person. Who cares? Who cares?

249

I learned nothing.

250

Yeah, and it and that's cool.

251

If you read it you'd be like this woman is going through some shit She is in crisis

252

I'm a therapist I like had a master's degree at practice for years

253

and I still couldn't see that within myself

254

that like oh I'm gonna it's gonna take me a while to kind of process this,

255

but it it's all the most cliche stuff on earth Just gives you a real appreciation for the fact

256

that all of this is temporary and how fleeting everything is

257

and there's very little that scares me now There's very little

258

that could happen to me or you could say to me being rejected for a job,

259

if this movie hadn't done well,

260

any of that stuff doesn't compare to waking up and realizing,

261

oh, I could have died and I didn't even know it and that could have all gone away.

262

So I think I'm definitely less cynical than I used to be.

263

In his own words, Kumail tells us

264

that really the only two things he cares about are his relationship with Emily and his work.

265

I feel like my life is really two things.

266

It's my life with Emily and that really is,

267

you know, I had this epiphany.

268

I was like, that is my reason for being on this earth.

269

Like, getting to know Emily.

270

Yeah, that's like one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.

271

Otherwise, it's pointless.

272

It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.

273

Keep going.

274

That's not to say that we don't have to work at it.

275

We really, really do and it is work.

276

There's joy in the work,

277

but there is intentional work that we have to do every day.

278

But I realized that what I have with her is a very special thing.

279

That is my purpose for being.

280

The other thing is work.

281

He does it all for love.

282

That's what it's all for everybody.

283

Spoiler alert, cheat code, gotta be the highest value there is.

284

She's the coolest, best person I've ever met.

285

I really believe that.

286

What I love most about her is that the parts of her that she shows me that she doesn't show anybody else.

287

No one would say Emily's closed off, right?

288

She's very emotionally open.

289

However, there is some curation to it.

290

There is some stuff that other people don't get to see of Emily

291

and I'm the only person in the world that gets to see it.

292

I find that to be really magical.

293

She's such a brilliant writer,

294

and I love that I'm the first person in the world that gets to read her writings.

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So I'll read something she wrote,

296

and I'm like, Emily is so cool.

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Where's my Emily?

298

But the big sick was successful and it was cute as hell and you know,

299

it makes you want to fall in love and shit fall in love and shit.

300

And to finally bring in that peace to complete the trifecta that's been fought for in a lifelong struggle,

301

love of the self.

302

As someone who's struggled to love themselves their entire life,

303

it feels painfully contradictory that it's so easy to love others and so improbable to love ourselves.

304

You don't even realize the tone with which you're talking to yourself.

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You know, I didn't even realize it was negative until,

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you know, therapy, they were like,

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so how do you say this?

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You know, you're on set.

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You didn't do a good job.

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What do you say to yourself?

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And I'm like, Oh, heinous shit.

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Oh, yeah.

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You don't even realize.

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It's that fucking Leonardo DiCaprio scene in, um...

315

Once Upon a Time...

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Once Upon a Time.. when he's in the trailer.

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He's like, you fucking no good!

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What the fuck was that?

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Jesus Christ!

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Embarrass yourself like that in front of all those goddamn people!

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You're fucking lying!

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I practiced them and now it don't look like I goddamn practiced them!

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You're sitting there like a fucking baboon!

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Blah-blah-blah-blahdj-dj-dj-dj-dj-dj!

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It's that.

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It's that.

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It's that.

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It's just my default has always been that.

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Like, since I can remember.

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The thing is, real love is not merely immediate adoration.

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It's not high esteem only at the moments of victory.

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Real love is truly and deeply wanting the best for someone.

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To feel joy when they progress and overcome.

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To feel hurt when they hurt.

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That's connection.

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Real love is seeing someone at their worst and still recognizing their inherent value.

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I'm praying when you see me at my worst,

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you see worse than me.

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And so, to love ourselves is not so dissimilar to loving our loved ones.

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Albeit feeling paradoxical at times,

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it's wanting the best in progress and overcoming for that person that we are.

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Let me try.

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I love Rock, so I want the best for Rock.

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I love rock, so I want rock to succeed on rock's main quest.

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Now you try.

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And now I do actually like myself.

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It's a recent thing, last few years.

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And then now I think I have a good relationship with it.

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When I work out, I feel in the moment,

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because you're lifting heavy weight,

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and you kind of need to be there and focus on that.

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You have to be outside yourself.

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You have to make sure you're using it properly,

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otherwise you're going to get hurt.

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So I get really a lot out of it.

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My anxiety has been a lot lower.

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I sleep a lot better since I've been like working out a bunch.

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So now I'm aware of how things make me feel.

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That's the biggest thing.

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I wasn't aware of any of these things.

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And so, what's a Kumail to do?

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Well, if Squiddy's answer was to return to how things were,

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Kumail taking the other path says, Never go back.

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And now I know all of you are waiting for me to go back to how I was.

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I want to make you so happy if I go back to how I was.

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So now I'm stuck in this prison,

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because I don't want to give you the satisfaction.

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There's no reason for me to be buff anymore but I am because fuck you.

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I'll be doing push-ups on my deathbed because fuck you.

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When I look at cake and want to eat it,

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I think of how happy it'll make you if I eat it.

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That gives me the strength to not eat it.

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Fame's a whole paradigm shifting thing.

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