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Welcome to the real world.

It sucks.

You're gonna love it.

I'm so sorry, you guys.

I didn't mean to bring you down.

No, you were right.

I don't have a plan.

Pizza guy.

Oh, my God.

Phoebe?

What?

Do you have a plan?

I don't even have a pla...

Hi.

Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think that's...

I think that's really cool.

Yeah, Rach, I think you're handling that really well.

Handling it?

What do you mean handling it?

There's nothing to handle.

You know, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasn't for me and Joshua.

You know, they're not gonna get married anyway.

What?

Come on.

They rushed into this thing so fast, it's ridiculous.

I mean, they're gonna be engaged for, like, what, a year?

And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realize what they've done, and they're gonna call the whole thing off.

I'm telling you, you're gonna be dancing at my wedding before you're dancing at theirs.

Yeah, well, I don't dance at weddings.

Why not?

Because weddings are a great place to meet women.

And when I dance, I look like this.

Hey, man.

Hey.

So, what are you guys doing four weeks from today?

Nothing.

I am...

free.

What's he doing for dinner tonight?

Well, I guess I gotta start saving up for Ross's birthday, so...

I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies.

Can you believe how much this is gonna cost?

Do you guys ever get the feeling that, um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?

Yes, yeah.

Really?

It's like they're always saying, let's go here, let's go there.

Like, we can afford to go here and there.

Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice.

I know.

You know?

God, I...

It's not like we can say anything about it, because, like, this is a birthday thing, you know, and it's for Ross. For Ross. For Ross.

Ross.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

Hi.

What?

Okay, I'm at work.

It's an ordinary day, you know, chop, chop, chop, saute, saute, saute.

All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office.

Turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job?

If it's not you, this is a horrible story.

Fortunately, it is me.

And they made me head of purchasing.

Thank you very much.

That was so cool.

Anyway, I just ran into Chandler and Ross downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate.

You know, someplace nice.

Huh.

Someplace nice.

Yeah.

How much do you think I can get for my kidney?

Hi, guys.

Hey, Phoebe.

Hey.

Oh, how did it go?

Um, not so good.

He walked me to the subway and said, we should do this again.

Oh.

What?

You said we should do it again.

That's good, right?

Uh, no. Loosely translated, we should do this again means, you will never see me naked. Since when? Since always.

It's like dating language.

You know, like, it's not you means, it is you.

Or you're such a nice guy means, I'm gonna be dating leather wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you.

Or, or, you know, I think we should see other people means, Ha -ha, I already am. And everybody knows this.

Oh, yeah.

Cushions the blow.

Yeah, it's like when you're a kid

and your parents put your dog to sleep and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.

That's funny.

No, because our parents actually did send our dog off to live on a farm.

Uh, Ross?

What?

Hello?

100

The Milners farm in Connecticut?

101

The Milners, they had this unbelievable farm that they have horses and then rabbits that he could chase and it would...

102

Oh my God, Cheech!

103

Hey, what you guys doing?

104

Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.

105

So why are you guys so upset?

106

It's Old Yeller, it's a happy movie.

107

What?

108

What are you talking about?

109

Come on, happy family gets a dog frontier fun yeah the themes what about the end

110

What, when Yeller saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?

111

That's not the end.

112

Yeah, huh.

113

That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say the end.

114

What about the part where he has rabies?

115

He doesn't have rabies.

116

He has babies.

117

That's what my mom said.

118

Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see what's about to happen.

119

What?

120

What's about to happen?

121

I've never seen this part before.

122

Hey, Travis, what you doing with that gun?

123

Oh, no. No, no, Travis, put down the gun.

124

No, no, no, no, he's your buddy, he's your yeller, no. No, no, the end, the end!

125

Okay, what kind of a sick doggy snuff film is this?

126

Hi.

127

Hey.

128

So, uh, Estelle, line up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow, and I'll have my health insurance back in no time.

129

That's great, but...

130

shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?

131

What?

132

What's wrong with you?

133

Nothing.

134

Well, I -I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, and then I, uh, passed out,

135

and, uh, haven't been able to stand up since.

136

But, uh, I don't think it's anything serious.

137

I don't think it's...

138

This sounds like a hernia.

139

You have to...

140

You go to the doctor.

141

No way.

142

Hey, look, if I'm gonna go to the doctor for anything, it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach.

143

That's a hernia.

144

I'd have to start working out again.

145

Damn you 15s!

146

They're tiny and chubby

147

And so sweet to touch

148

Soon they'll grow up

149

And resent you so much

150

Now they're yelling at you

151

And you don't know why

152

And you cry and you cry

153

And you cry and you cry

154

And you cry

155

Thanks, Ross Yeah, I'm paying you to stop Okay Okay.

156

Oh, look, twins.

157

Hi, guys.

158

Oh, cute, cute.

159

No fair.

160

I don't even have one.

161

How come they get two?

162

You'll get one.

163

Oh, yeah? When?

164

All right, I'll tell you what.

165

When we're 40, if neither of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?

166

Why won't I be married when I'm 40?

167

Oh, no, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.

168

Okay, hypothetically why won't I be married when I'm 40?

169

No, no, no. No, no, what is it?

170

Seriously, is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?

171

Uh, uh...

172

Well?

173

Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack.

174

Everything's going fine, really.

175

Yeah, Ross is great.

176

He's, uh...

177

He's in a whole other place.

178

No, he's gone.

179

No, no, you don't have to fly back, really.

180

What do you mean this might be your only chance?

181

Would you stop?

182

I'm only 26.

183

I'm not even thinking about babies yet.

184

Oh, God, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.

185

I know.

186

I still am one of these.

187

Ross?

188

Yeah? Can I?

189

Okay, the head, the head.

190

You gotta...

191

Hi, Ben.

192

Hi.

193

I'm your Aunt Monica.

194

Yes, I am.

195

I'm your Aunt Monica.

196

I...

197

I will always have gum.

198

Hey, you feeling better?

199

Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.

200

So, do you have any other possibilities?

201

Oh, yeah, well, there is the possibility that I won't make rent.

202

Doc, if you want, I can lend you some money.

203

No, no, no, because if I couldn't pay you back right away, then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.

204

Oh, okay.

205

Well, then why don't you borrow it from Mom and Dad?

206

If you feel guilty and tense around them already, you might as well make some money off of them.

207

Hi.

208

Hi, darling.

209

So, what's this?

210

Some of your old stuff.

211

Well, sweetie, we have a surprise for you.

212

We're turning your room into a jam.

213

Wow, that is a surprise.

214

Just one little question.

215

Why not Ross's room?

216

Gosh, we talked about that, but your brother has so many science trophies and.. plaques and merit badges.

217

Well, we didn't want to disturb them.

218

Oh, God forbid.

219

You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush.

220

I'm just saying, it's right there.

221

Hey, guys.

222

Hi, darling.

223

Where's my grandson?

224

You didn't bring him?

225

No, he's at Carol's and Susan's today.

226

A woman in my office is a lesbian.

227

I'm just saying.

228

Oh, Jack, look, there's that house bank commercial that cracks you up.

229

Oh. Where have you been?

230

Emotional hell.

231

So did they lend you the money yet?

232

No, but that's probably because I haven't asked them yet.

233

Come on, Monica, do it.

234

Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.

235

Um, yeah, so, uh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before, but, um, I'm no longer at my job.

236

I had to leave it.

237

Why?

238

Because they made me.

239

You were fired?

240

What are you gonna do?

241

Judy, Judy, relax.

242

This is our little harmonica we're talking about.

243

We taught her well.

244

Ten percent of your paycheck.

245

Where does it go?

246

In the bank.

247

The bank.

248

There you go.

249

So she dips into her savings.

250

That's what it's there for.

251

She's gonna be fine.

252

And if you need a little extra, you know where to find it.

253

Anything larger back there?

254

Okay, here you go.

255

You can pay me back whenever you like.

256

You have dinosaur checks?

257

Yeah.

258

Yeah, I mean, you get your money and you learn a little something.

259

What's wrong with that?

260

Nothing, nothing.

261

Hey, you're a cheapasaurus.

262

No kidding.

263

No kidding.

264

Thank you.

265

I'm very grateful.

266

Hey, Mom, what is this?

267

Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school.

268

I was a little bigger then.

269

Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rains.

270

I should be more out of my league.

271

Ross, back me up here.

272

You can never get a woman like that in a million years.

273

Thank you, buddy.

274

Oh, oh, but you know you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys.

275

You could be one of those guys.

276

You could do that.

277

You think?

278

Yeah, absolutely.

279

Oh, God, I can't believe I'm even considering this.

280

I'm very, very aware of my tongue.

281

Come on, come on.

282

Here goes.

283

Yes?

284

Hi.

285

Um...

286

Okay, next word would be, uh, Chandler.

287

Chandler is my name, and, uh...

288

Hi.

289

Yes, you said that.

290

Yes.

291

Yes, I did.

292

But what I didn't say was what I was about to say.

293

What I wanted to say was, uh, would you like to go out with me sometime?

294

Thank you.

295

Good night.

296

Thank God, Phoebe, you're on fire.

297

I know.

298

One more score to go.

299

You can do it.

300

Don't touch me!

301

Don't touch her!

302

All right, go left.

303

Go right.

304

Go right!

305

I can't.

306

I can't.

307

No!

308

You son of a...

309

Phoebe!

310

Oh, hi, Ben.

311

Now don't look at the machine.

312

Paycheck!

313

Look at the window.

314

There's my name.

315

Hi, me.

316

I remember the day I got my first paycheck.

317

There was a cave -in in one of the mines and eight people were killed.

318

Wow, you worked in a mine?

319

I worked in a Dairy Queen.

320

Mine.

321

Oh, God, isn't this exciting?

322

I earned this.

323

I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally...

324

not worth it.

325

Who's FICA?

326

Why's he getting all my money?

327

I mean, what?

328

Chandler, look at that.

329

Oh, this is not that bad.

330

Oh, you're fine.

331

Yeah, for a first job?

332

You can totally, totally live on this.

333

Oh, yeah.

334

Yeah.

335

Hey, by the way, great service today.

336

Oh, yeah, yeah.

337

Oh, great, great.

338

Oh, that building stuff.

339

Oh, that building stuff.

340

Hey, babe.

341

Hey, honey.

342

So we just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing.

343

They don't like us, do they?

344

Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks?

345

Maybe we can take it back.

346

No, I didn't see where it came from.

347

Where would we return it?

348

How about to the street, save from the balcony?

349

Why don't we just find a place for it?

350

Yeah.

351

How about in that cabinet?

352

No, that's where we keep the canned goods.

353

Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?

354

How about the closet by the bathroom?

355

Oh, okay.

356

Here, why don't you let me do it?

357

No, no, no, no, no. I will do it.

358

Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once in a while.

359

It's locked.

360

You have to help me.

361

Why is it locked?

362

No reason.

363

I keep private things in there.

364

Well, you know, I've been living here for a while, and I have never seen what's inside that closet.

365

What is in there?

366

Feminine stuff.

367

Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff.

368

Taylor, there is nothing in there that concerns you.

369

If you love me, you'll just let it go.

370

Fine.

371

Thank you.

372

Love you.

373

I wasn't trying to open your closet.

374

I wasn't trying to open your closet, I swear.

375

Well, Monica runs a pretty tight ship around here, doesn't she?

376

What are you doing?

377

Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it.

378

Why not?

379

I don't know.

380

What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?

381

I don't know.

382

Ooh.

383

I bet it's Richard.

384

Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?

385

Well, off the top of my head, uh, maybe she's having her cake and eating it, too.

386

You being the cake, Richard being the two. Or...

387

And here we go.

388

I saw this movie once where there was a door

389

and nobody knew what was behind it and

390

when they finally got it open millions and millions

391

and millions of bugs came pouring out

392

and they feasted on human flesh you know wouldn't kill

393

you to respect your wife's privacy not too shabby I got this all off myself

394

Using my wife's tools.

395

Oh, my God.

396

How did you get in there?

397

You're messy.

398

No, you weren't supposed to see this.

399

I married Fred Sanford.

400

No, Chandler, you don't understand.

401

Ba -ba -ba -da.

402

Ba -ba -ba -da -ba -da -ba.

403

Okay, okay, okay, fine.

404

Now you know, okay?

405

I'm, you know, I'm sick.

406

No, Craig, you're not sick.

407

Look, I don't love you because you're organized.

408

I love you in spite of that.

409

Really?

410

You promise you won't tell anyone?

411

Yes.

412

And look, now that I know, If I've got some extra stuff lying around, can we.. can we share the closet?

413

Oh.

414

Well, it's just, um...

415

I'm afraid you might mess it up.

416

Okay, okay, you can be shirts and I'll be skins.

417

I'll be skins!

418

Hey.

419

How you holding up there, tiger?

420

Oh, I'm sorry when my parents were getting divorced, I got a lot of tigers.

421

Got a lot of champs, chiefs, sports.

422

I even got a governor.

423

This is it, isn't it?

424

I mean, this is what my life's gonna be like.

425

My mom there, my dad there.

426

Thanksgiving, Christmas.

427

She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker.

428

Chandler, how did you get through this?

429

Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and wetting the bed.

430

You know, I just.. it's so weird.

431

I mean, I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other.

432

All I kept thinking about was the Fourth of July.

433

Because it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?

434

It's just this thing.

435

Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks.

436

Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big.

437

My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side.

438

My dad would be upset because nobody was helping, and then when we did help, he would scream at us for doing it wrong.

439

But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up.

440

You know, and it'd get really cold.

441

We would all just sort of smush under this one blanket.

442

It never occurred to anybody to bring another one. And now it's...

443

Yeah, I know.

444

You're applying the waxine and linen strips to leg number one. Did that.

445

Okay.

446

Grasp one of the linen strips by its easy grab tab and pull it off in one quick pain -free motion.

447

Okay.

448

Ow!

449

Was it not pain -free?

450

No, it was painful.

451

Oh, my God, they should call it pain -zine now with the little wax.

452

Well, the girls in the satin 90s on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad.

453

That's because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid.

454

But hey, you know, if you don't believe me, please be my guest.

455

Ow, ow, ow, ow, oh my God!

456

Now, aren't you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?

457

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

458

Oh, we were just waxing our legs off your information this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience

459

Yeah, well, I don't think you can make

460

that statement unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely

461

I think women just have a lower threshold for pain than men.

462

That's all.

463

I mean, come on.

464

It's just a little wax.

465

Yeah?

466

Oh, that's mature.

467

Okay, fine.

468

So now what?

469

I just pull it off?

470

Uh -huh.

471

That's right.

472

Good morning, everybody.

473

Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?

474

Oh, no, no, no. I'm an intern, just like you guys.

475

Except for the tie, the briefcase, and the fact that I can rent a car.

476

Seriously?

477

You're an intern?

478

Yeah, well, I'm kind of heading in a new career direction, and, you know, you gotta start at the bottom.

479

Dude.

480

All right, look, I know I'm a little bit older than you guys, but it's not like I'm Bob Hope.

481

The comedian?

482

U .S .O.

483

Uh, it's U .S .A., sir.

484

You know my friend Abby who shaves her head?

485

She says that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do, like, a cleansing ritual.

486

Phoebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.

487

Yeah.

488

So we can do it tomorrow night, you guys.

489

It's Valentine's Day.

490

It's perfect.

491

Okay, well, what kind of ritual?

492

Okay, we can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us. Or? Or?

493

Or we can chant and dance around naked.

494

You know, with sticks.

495

Burning's good.

496

Burning's good.

497

Yeah, I know stuff that hurt.

498

Okay, so now we need, um, sage branches and the sacramental wine.

499

All I had is oregano and a fresca.

500

Um, that's okay.

501

Okay.

502

Ooh.

503

Okay.

504

All right.

505

Now we need the semen of a righteous man.

506

Huh.

507

Okay, Phoebs.

508

You know what?

509

If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.

510

Can we just start throwing things in?

511

Um, yeah.

512

Okay.

513

Oh, okay.

514

Okay, Barry's letters.

515

Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.

516

And I have the receipt for my dinner with Noka -lulu.

517

And look, there's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.

518

Oh, I'm gonna say, he's wearing a sweater.

519

No. Ew!

520

Okay.

521

And here we have the last of Paolo's grappa.

522

Wait, wait, Rachel, isn't that almost pure...

523

Uh -oh.

524

Uh -oh.

525

How are you feeling?

526

Well, my apartment isn't there anymore because I drank it.

527

Where'd you get to?

528

We lost you after you opened up all the presents.

529

Yeah.

530

Yeah, I ended up in the storage room and not alone.

531

Woo -hoo -ing!

532

No woo -hoo -ing.

533

No woo -hoo -ing.

534

Why?

535

What happened?

536

Ah.

537

I fooled around with Joey's sister.

538

Well, that's not the worst part.

539

What is the worst part?

540

I can't remember which sister.

541

You see what men do?

542

Don't tell me men are nice

543

This is men! Are you insane?

544

I mean, Joey's gonna kill you

545

He's actually going to kill you dead

546

Okay, you don't think I thought of that?

547

How can you not know which one?

548

I mean, it's unbelievable I mean, was it Gina?

549

Which one is Gina?

550

The dark, big hair with the airplane earrings

551

No, no, no, that's not Gina, that's Dina You see, you can't tell which is which either

552

We didn't fool around with any of them.

553

Veronica, look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt.

554

I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat. That was me.

555

Oh, look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get a little overly friendly, and I'm sorry.

556

That's okay.

557

That's all right.

558

That's okay.

559

Can I talk to you for a second?

560

Hey, Joey.

561

Hey.

562

Come on.

563

Why can't we talk in here? With witnesses.

564

I just got off the phone with my sister.

565

Uh, which one?

566

Mary Angela.

567

Mary Angela.

568

Yeah.

569

No, which one is she again?

570

Why don't you ask Chandler?

571

Because he's the one who fooled around with her.

572

She told me you said you could really fall for her.

573

Now, is that true?

574

Or are you just getting over Janice by groping my sister?

575

It's got to be the first one.

576

You can't move.

577

You just can't.

578

Rachel's right.

579

This is where you guys belong.

580

Yeah, you don't want to live in Westchester.

581

That's like the worst of the Chesters.

582

You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, and I look over here,

583

and you guys are just having dinner or watching TV or something, but...

584

it makes me feel better.

585

And now when I look over, who am I gonna see?

586

The Gottliebs?

587

The Yangs?

588

They don't make me feel so good.

589

Yeah, so don't move, okay?

590

Just stay here and maybe close your blinds at night.

591

Hey.

592

Hello?

593

It's Nancy.

594

They responded to our offer. And?

595

Yeah.

596

Okay, thanks.

597

They passed.

598

They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price.

599

We can't afford that.

600

I know.

601

Well, there you go.

602

I'm really sorry, you guys.

603

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

604

I'm even more sorry that that phone call didn't come before I told you about looking through the window.

605

Well, honey, what about you?

606

What?

607

I mean, any fun, you know, fantasy -type things?

608

No. Come on, you gotta have one.

609

Nope.

610

Ross, you know what?

611

What?

612

If you tell me, I might do it.

613

Okay. Did you ever see

614

Return of the Jedi?

615

Yeah.

616

Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hutt?

617

Well, Jabba had as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.

618

Ah.

619

Princess Leia was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing.

620

it was pretty cool

621

look

622

that was supposed to be like a private personal thing between us okay ross phoebe is my girlfriend okay

623

we tell each other everything you know

624

i mean come on you guys do the same thing i mean what about

625

that locker room stuff that's different okay that's like uh who dated a stripper

626

or who did it on the back of the stanton island ferry both of those joey yeah but you don't you

627

Don't talk about, like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you do with her.

628

Not even with your best friend?

629

No. That is so sad.

630

You're missing out on so much, Ross.

631

I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know?

632

And knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.

633

Huh.

634

So what, you tell each other everything?

635

Pretty much.

636

Rachel says sharing's great, and supposedly, you know, we ought to be doing it.

637

Uh, do you want to?

638

We're not gonna talk about girth, are we?

639

No. Yeah, okay.

640

Yeah?

641

Yeah.

642

All right.

643

You go first.

644

Okay.

645

Okay.

646

I'll go first.

647

Okay.

648

So, uh, the other night, Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies and I happened to describe a particular...

649

Star Wars thing.

650

Princess Leia in the gold bikini.

651

Yes!

652

Yes!

653

Well, wow.

654

Well, that was easy.

655

Okay, you go.

656

Okay.

657

Okay, well, you know when you're in bed with a woman and, uh...

658

You know, you're fooling around with her and you get all these, like, mental images in your brain, you know, like, uh, Elle McPherson or,

659

uh, that girl at the Xerox place.

660

With the belly button ring?

661

Oh, my.

662

I know.

663

And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into your head.

664

And you're like, Mom, get out of here.

665

You know, but of course, like, after that, you can't possibly think of anything else and you can't, you know, stop what you're doing,

666

so it's kind of like you're...

667

You know.

668

You know.

669

You don't know.

670

Hey, here we go.

671

I'm Jabba's prisoner. And you?

672

I have a really weird look on your face.

673

What is it?

674

Did I get it wrong?

675

Did I get the hair wrong?

676

Did you just picture it differently?

677

What?

678

No, no, it's not you.

679

It's not you.

680

It's, um, it's...

681

Well, what is it?

682

Come on, sweetie.

683

You're kind of like freaking me out here.

684

i hate chandler the bastard ruined my life okay what is

685

it about me do i not look fun enough is there something repellent about me

686

so how was the party well it couldn't have been worse a woman literally passed through me okay

687

so what is it am i hideously unattractive no you are not

688

you are very attractive you know what i go through the exact same thing every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything.

689

Whoa, whoa.

690

I put on a little weight?

691

Did you want to do that?

692

No, not weight.

693

You know, more like insulation.

694

Chandler, I'm unemployed in dire need of a project.

695

You want to work out?

696

I can remake you.

697

Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.

698

Please?

699

Come on.

700

Yeah, let her do it or you.

701

All right.

702

Okay.

703

All right.

704

But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home.

705

Your boobs are fine.

706

Look, I never should have said anything.

707

Come here.

708

Come here.

709

Come here.

710

Oh, can't make hands meet.

711

Okay.

712

Let's do it.

713

What?

714

Nothing.

715

Just never seen your little stretchy pants before. And we're changing.

716

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

717

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

718

She's insane.

719

The woman is insane.

720

It's before work, it's after work, it's during work.

721

She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk.

722

And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.

723

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!

724

Monica, it's Sunday morning.

725

I'm not running on a Sunday.

726

Why not?

727

Because it's Sunday.

728

It's God's day.

729

Hey, you say stop, and we stop.

730

Okay.

731

Stop.

732

No, come on!

733

We can't stop!

734

Come on, we got three more pounds to go!

735

I am the energy train, and you are on board!

736

Woo -woo!

737

Woo -woo!

738

Woo -woo!

739

Whoo!

740

Monica, it's 6 .30 in the morning.

741

We're not working out.

742

It's over.

743

No way!

744

With one pound to go, come on!

745

We're working, we're moving, we're in the zone, we're grooving!

746

Okay, I don't mind the last pound, okay?

747

In fact, I kind of like the last pound.

748

Okay, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret.

749

Oh, what you gonna do, fat boy, huh?

750

What?

751

Nothing.

752

Except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have.

753

Well, thanks.

754

I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.

755

You know.

756

You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed.

757

Uh -huh.

758

And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.

759

Well, no, but I...

760

I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.

761

You know, I try to stay positive. So you...

762

You feel like going for a run?

763

All right.

764

Because, you know, you don't have to.

765

If you want, you could just take a nap right here.

766

Okay.

767

Just for a little while.

768

Okay.

769

If anything else opens up, please...

770

Hello?

771

Hello?

772

Oh.

773

Hmm.

774

Sorry, Rach. Where were we?

775

Oh, OK.

776

Five card draw.

777

Jacks are better.

778

Nothing wild.

779

Everybody ante.

780

Look, Rach, we don't have to do this.

781

Yes, we do.

782

All right, check.

783

Check.

784

I'm in for 50 cents.

785

Call.

786

I'm in.

787

I see your 50 cents, and I raise you.. five dollars.

788

I thought it was a 50 -cent limit.

789

Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bed five bucks.

790

Does anybody have a problem with that?

791

I don't think it's Mike.

792

We're here.

793

Okay, if Mike were here, what would the two of you be doing?

794

What are you, animals?

795

It's 4 o 'clock in the afternoon.

796

I gotta call him.

797

Just to talk to him.

798

There's no harm in that.

799

Phoebe, that's how it starts.

800

I don't need to eat the cake.

801

I'll just smell the icing.

802

Why not just a little sliver or...

803

Okay, just a slice or two.

804

You know, the next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide.

805

Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard.

806

But look, if you talk to him, then you're gonna wanna see him.

807

And if you see him, you're gonna wanna get back together with him.

808

And I know that's not what you want.

809

All right, so give me your phone.

810

Here. And now your cell.

811

Okay.

812

There you go.

813

This is your cell phone.

814

Yes.

815

This is your current cell phone.

816

Yes.

817

It reminds me of a simpler time.

818

Phoebe, where's your purse?

819

Hey.

820

No, no. Give it to me.

821

You can't have it.

822

Give it to me.

823

No. I'll go in there.

824

Oh, yeah.

825

Phoebe, come here.

826

No. Give it to me.

827

No, what?

828

You're crying.

829

It's gone.

830

Whoa.

831

Whoa.

832

Ah.

833

Ha.

834

Damn you, Monica Geller, hyphen Bing.

835

This is a pity.

836

Why are there men's shoes by the door?

837

Those are my shoes.

838

Oh.

839

Well, when you get over this breakup, we need to go shopping.

840

Look, Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better.

841

You are?

842

Yeah, I just kind of want to be alone right now.

843

Who's that?

844

I ordered Chinese food.

845

What are the chances?

846

One billion Chinese people, and they said Mike!

847

What are you doing here?

848

Phoebe called me.

849

Phoebe!

850

I'm sorry, I broke down.

851

I wanted to see him.

852

Damn it, Phoebe, how did you even call him?

853

There's a speakerphone on the base unit.

854

Base unit?

855

Think, Monica, think!

856

Look, if I want to see Phoebe and she wants to see me...

857

This doesn't concern you.

858

Oh, sorry.

859

I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name.

860

Look, guys, you can't do this.

861

It's just gonna make getting over each other that much harder.

862

Not if nothing happens.

863

Why can't.. why can't we just hang out as friends? Are you sure?

864

I'm just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join you.

865

You know, I'm your friend and I'm Mike's friend.

866

Sit down.

867

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

868

Make room for your friend.

869

Hey.

870

So how have you been?

871

I've been pretty good.

872

What are you doing?

873

I, uh, reorganized the fridge.

874

See?

875

Uh, bottom shelf, meats and dairy.

876

Middle shelf, fruits and vegetables.

877

And top shelf, expired products.

878

Why are you doing this?

879

Because I am bored, out of my mind.

880

I've already been to the bank, the post office, and the dry cleaners.

881

Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff.

882

You gotta spread it out a little, you know?

883

Haven't you ever been unemployed?

884

Hey, I am not unemployed.

885

I'm on sabbatical.

886

Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?

887

A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing, you know?

888

Well, what...

889

Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs, huh?

890

Look, come here.

891

Sit down.

892

Ready?

893

Watch.

894

Oh! And then...

895

Oh, ow!

896

Huh?

897

So what, we just sit?

898

Oh, no, no. We're not gonna just sit.

899

Watch.

900

Hello, Chandler Bing.

901

Hello, Mr. Bing.

902

I love you.

903

All right, whoever this is, stop calling me.

904

It's been six months.

905

It's not funny. But I love you.

906

Leave me alone.

907

For the love of God, leave me alone. And that's Wednesday.

908

Can you see my nipples through this shirt?

909

No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.

910

So where are you going, Mr. Sooty Man?

911

Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor, a go -go.

912

I added the a go -go.

913

Career counselor?

914

Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.

915

I don't.

916

Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do.

917

You know what?

918

You have goals.

919

You have dreams.

920

I don't have a dream.

921

Uh, the lesser -known I -don't -have -a -dream speech.

922

Oh, I love my life.

923

I love my life.

924

A Brian song.

925

The meeting with that guy went great.

926

It was so great.

927

He showed me where the restaurant's gonna be.

928

It's this cute little place on 10th Street.

929

It's not too big, it's not too small, it's just right.

930

Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?

931

Just sign right here, please.

932

Oh, sure.

933

Oh, what's...

934

The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch.

935

Wait, no, that's ridiculous.

936

Come on, he lives three blocks away.

937

You know what?

938

I'll take it myself, thank you.

939

All right, Rich, come on, let's go.

940

Yeah. Are you kidding?

941

Oh, come on, it's only three blocks.

942

It's not very heavy.

943

Try it.

944

Come on, come on.

945

Oh, oh, I can do it.

946

Yeah.

947

You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.

948

Oh, yeah, we're, uh, yeah, we're not together, but...

949

Oh, okay.

950

Yeah, something didn't quite add up there.

951

Ross, didn't you say that there was, um, an elevator in here?

952

Uh, yes, I did, but there isn't.

953

Okay, here we go.

954

Okay, go left.

955

Left.

956

Left.

957

Okay, you know what?

958

There's no more left.

959

Left.

960

Oh, okay, lift it.

961

Straight up over your head.

962

Straight up over your head.

963

You can do it.

964

You can do it.

965

Okay.

966

You got it?

967

Good, good, good.

968

Yeah, you got it, right?

969

You got it, right?

970

You got it.

971

Any chance you think the couch looks good there?

972

Come here to me.

973

No, no, you come here to me.

974

Hey, Ross.

975

I brought reinforcements.

976

Oh, great.

977

What, you brought Joey?

978

Well, I brought the next best thing.

979

Hey.

980

Chandler, you brought Chandler?

981

The next best thing would be Monica.

982

You know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so...

983

Look, I drew a sketch of how we're gonna do it, okay?

984

Rach, that's you.

985

That's the couch.

986

Mm -hmm.

987

Ooh, what's that?

988

Oh, that's me.

989

Wow.

990

Certainly think a lot of yourself.

991

No, that's my arm.

992

Oh, I see.

993

I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.

994

You know what?

995

Just follow my lead.

996

Okay.

997

Come on, Charlie.

998

All right.

999

Okay.

1000

Here we go.

1001

All right.

1002

Ready?

1003

Turn.

1004

Okay.

1005

Turn.

1006

Turn.

1007

I don't think we can turn anymore.

1008

I just don't think it's going to fit.

1009

Oh, yeah, it will.

1010

Come on.

1011

Up, up, up.

1012

Up.

1013

Yes.

1014

Here we go.

1015

Pivot.

1016

Pivot.

1017

Pivot!

1018

Pivot!

1019

Pivot!

1020

Pivot!

1021

Pivot!

1022

Shut up!

1023

Shut up!

1024

Shut up!

1025

Okay, I don't think it's gonna pivot anymore.

1026

You think?

1027

Alright, let's, uh, let's bring it back down and try again.

1028

Okay, yeah, I think it's really stuck now.

1029

I can't believe that didn't work.

1030

I know, me neither.

1031

I mean, it had a sketch.

1032

Oh, you know what?

1033

What did you mean when you said pivot?

1034

So, how's your date with your cyber chick going?

1035

Oh, hey, what is all that?

1036

Oh, it's a website.

1037

It's the Guggenheim Museum.

1038

See, she likes art, and I like funny words.

1039

What does she mean by H .H.?

1040

It means we're holding hands. Are you the cutest?

1041

I'm afraid I might just be.

1042

You know what I think is so great?

1043

That you are totally into this person, yet for all you know, she could be, like, 90 years old or have two heads or...

1044

It could be a guy.

1045

Okay, it's not a guy, all right?

1046

I know her.

1047

It could be, like, a big, giant guy.

1048

Man, I got this close to him, and Monica need me in the back.

1049

What's going on?

1050

We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend's a girl.

1051

Oh, well, just ask her how long she's gonna live.

1052

Women live longer than men.

1053

How do you not fall down more?

1054

For once, I'm gonna sit down and try to watch one of these things.

1055

Halftime.

1056

Hey, who wants to, uh, throw the ball around a little?

1057

Maybe get a little three -on -three going.

1058

Oh, that would be so much fun.

1059

Oh, can I play, too?

1060

I've never played football, like, ever.

1061

Great.

1062

You can cover Chandler.

1063

No, no, I don't really want to play.

1064

Come on, man.

1065

You haven't wanted to do anything since you and Janice broke up.

1066

That's not true.

1067

I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day.

1068

I wanted to start drinking in the morning.

1069

Don't say that I don't have goals.

1070

Chandler, you have to start getting over her, all right?

1071

If you play, you get some fresh air.

1072

Maybe you'll take your mind off Janice.

1073

And if you don't play, everyone will be mad at you because the teams won't be even.

1074

Come on.

1075

Yeah, I'll play.

1076

Yay!

1077

Let's do it!

1078

Ross?

1079

What?

1080

Want to play football?

1081

Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.

1082

Says who, your mom?

1083

Yes.

1084

Well, every Thanksgiving, um, we used to have a touch football game called the Geller Bowl.

1085

No, no, no. You say that proudly.

1086

Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and, um, it got kind of competitive, and one year, Killer Bowl Six,

1087

I accidentally broke Ross's nose.

1088

It was so not an accident.

1089

She saw I was about to tag her, so she threw her big, fat grandma arm elbow in my face.

1090

Just kept running.

1091

Just scored the winning touchdown, by the way.

1092

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1093

So, uh, you did not win the game.

1094

The touchdown didn't count because of the spectacularly illegal...

1095

Oh, and by the way, Savage, nose -breaking.

1096

I won the game.

1097

Oh, yeah?

1098

Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?

1099

There was a Geller Cup?

1100

Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game.

1101

But our dad said nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting, so we took the trophy...

1102

threw it in the lake and was the curse lifted

1103

anyway

1104

that's when mom said we were not allowed to play football again

1105

you know what i think

1106

we should play a game let me come on it's been 12 years can i see you for a second

1107

what all right we're gonna play wait a minute though how are we gonna get there

1108

because my mom won't let me cross the street tell me have a good night did that guy just call you

1109

Toby

1110

yeah he thinks that's my name well why don't you correct him oh it's been going on way too long now

1111

you know I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway

1112

so I didn't say anything

1113

and then the next time he said hey toby you want a donut and I wanted the donut

1114

and now it's five years later the donuts gone and I'm still

1115

Toby hey

1116

She's not as pretty as she was when she was 29.

1117

Miss Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out.

1118

She would appreciate it if you didn't use the words old or downhill, or they still look pretty damn good.

1119

They do.

1120

Hey, Joel, come on out.

1121

Monica made breakfast.

1122

Chocolate chip pancakes.

1123

We've got presents.

1124

Good ones?

1125

They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago.

1126

Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29?

1127

Come on, Rach.

1128

Look, turning 30's not that big a deal.

1129

Oh, really?

1130

Is that how you felt when you turned 30?

1131

Why, God, why?

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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

Этот урок разговорной практики построен на видео «The Relatable Ones». В этом видео 1131 предложений и 6817 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 53:45. Говорящий держит ровный темп — около 127 слов в минуту, удобный для шедоуинга. 83% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием. Вопросов здесь 249 из 1131 предложений, так что это хорошая тренировка вопросительной интонации и коротких ответов.

Ключевая лексика этого видео

15 слов из видео, которые стоит выучить, с произношением и значением:

Слово	Произношение	Значение
chandler существительное	/ˈt͡ʃændlɚ/	свечник, свечни́ца
whoa	/woʊ/	тпру, пру
couch существительное	/ˈkaʊ̯t͡ʃ/	дива́н, куше́тка
honey существительное	/ˈhʌni/	мёд
naked прилагательное	/ˈneɪkɪd/	го́лый, наго́й
insane прилагательное	/ɪnˈseɪn/	душевнобольно́й, невменя́емый
strip глагол	/ˈstɹɪp/	снима́ть
relax глагол	/ɹɪˈlæks/	расслабля́ть, рассла́бить
ritual существительное	/ˈɹɪt͡ʃ.u.əl/	ритуа́л, обря́д
shelf существительное	/ʃɛlf/	по́лка
unemployed прилагательное	/ˌʌnɪmˈplɔɪd/	безрабо́тный, неза́нятый
bikini существительное	/bɪˈki.ni/	бики́ни
ridiculous прилагательное	/ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/	неле́пый
stomach существительное	/ˈstʌmək/	желу́док, живо́т
buddy	/ˈbʌdi/	дружо́к, прия́тель

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Слово	Произношение	Значение
get over глагол		преодолева́ть, преодоле́ть
shut up	/ʃʌt ʌp/	заткни́сь, заткни́тесь
sit down глагол		сади́ться, сесть
look over глагол		просма́тривать, просмотре́ть
work out глагол	/ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/	рассчи́тывать, рассчита́ть
back down глагол		пойти́ на усту́пки, пойти́ на попя́тный
break down глагол		ломаться, сломаться
come out глагол	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	выходи́ть, вы́йти

Фразы, которые стоит повторять

Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:

Why's he getting all my money?
They don't like us, do they?
Why don't we just find a place for it?
Here, why don't you let me do it?
You promise you won't tell anyone?

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат	If you love me, you'll just · If we had that, we wouldn't be · if Mike were here, what would the
Present Perfect Continuous have/has been + -ing — действие началось раньше и продолжается	I've been living · I've been drinking · it's been going
«Used to» used to + глагол — прошлая привычка или состояние, которых больше нет	used to cover · used to have
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	they've done · I've never seen · haven't been

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Говорящий использует 295 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например don't, I'm, gonna. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.

Звуки «th»: leather /ˈlɛðɚ/, throat /ˈθɹoʊt/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/, theirs /ðɛɚz/
Звуки «sh» и «zh»: shelf /ʃɛlf/, rush /ɹʌʃ/, establish /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/, chef /ʃɛf/, flesh /flɛʃ/
Длинные слова — следите за ударением: ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/, unbelievable /ˌʌnbɪˈliːvəbl̩/, disappointed /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnɪd/, ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, difficulty /ˈdɪfɪkəlti/

Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:

/w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: whoa /woʊ/, sweetie /ˈswi.ti/, wolf /wʊlf/, twin /twɪn/, subway /ˈsʌbˌweɪ/
/h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: honey /ˈhʌni/, harm /hɑːm/, horrible /ˈhɔɹ.ɪ.bəl/, whoever /huˈɛvɚ/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/
Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: naked /ˈneɪkɪd/, pound /ˈpaʊ̯nd/, unemployed /ˌʌnɪmˈplɔɪd/, remind /ɹəˈmaɪnd/, lend /ˈlɛnd/

Как заниматься с этим видео

Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
Повторяйте предложение за предложением на обычной скорости, пока ваш ритм не совпадёт с ритмом говорящего.
Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как chandler, whoa, couch.

Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

Техника шедоуинга: читать полное пошаговое руководство →

Практика Shadowing: The Relatable Ones | Friends - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

Ключевая лексика этого видео

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Фразы, которые стоит повторять

Грамматика в этом видео

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Как заниматься с этим видео

Что такое техника Shadowing?