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1
Welcome to the real world.
2
It sucks.
3
You're gonna love it.
4
I'm so sorry, you guys.
5
I didn't mean to bring you down.
6
No, you were right.
7
I don't have a plan.
8
Pizza guy.
9
Oh, my God.
10
Phoebe?
11
What?
12
Do you have a plan?
13
I don't even have a pla...
14
Hi.
15
Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think that's...
16
I think that's really cool.
17
Yeah, Rach, I think you're handling that really well.
18
Handling it?
19
What do you mean handling it?
20
There's nothing to handle.
21
You know, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasn't for me and Joshua.
22
You know, they're not gonna get married anyway.
23
What?
24
Come on.
25
They rushed into this thing so fast, it's ridiculous.
26
I mean, they're gonna be engaged for, like, what, a year?
27
And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realize what they've done, and they're gonna call the whole thing off.
28
I'm telling you, you're gonna be dancing at my wedding before you're dancing at theirs.
29
Yeah, well, I don't dance at weddings.
30
Why not?
31
Because weddings are a great place to meet women.
32
And when I dance, I look like this.
33
Hey, man.
34
Hey.
35
So, what are you guys doing four weeks from today?
36
Nothing.
37
Nothing.
38
I am...
39
free.
40
What's he doing for dinner tonight?
41
Well, I guess I gotta start saving up for Ross's birthday, so...
42
I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies.
43
Can you believe how much this is gonna cost?
44
Do you guys ever get the feeling that, um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?
45
Yes, yeah.
46
Really?
47
It's like they're always saying, let's go here, let's go there.
48
Like, we can afford to go here and there.
49
Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice.
50
I know.
51
You know?
52
God, I...
53
It's not like we can say anything about it, because, like, this is a birthday thing, you know, and it's for Ross. For Ross. For Ross.
54
Ross.
55
Oh, my God.
56
Hey.
57
Hi.
58
What?
59
Okay, I'm at work.
60
It's an ordinary day, you know, chop, chop, chop, saute, saute, saute.
61
All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office.
62
Turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job?
63
If it's not you, this is a horrible story.
64
Fortunately, it is me.
65
And they made me head of purchasing.
66
Thank you very much.
67
That was so cool.
68
Anyway, I just ran into Chandler and Ross downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate.
69
You know, someplace nice.
70
Huh.
71
Someplace nice.
72
Yeah.
73
How much do you think I can get for my kidney?
74
Hi, guys.
75
Hey, Phoebe.
76
Hey.
77
Oh, how did it go?
78
Um, not so good.
79
He walked me to the subway and said, we should do this again.
80
Oh.
81
What?
82
What?
83
You said we should do it again.
84
That's good, right?
85
Uh, no. Loosely translated, we should do this again means, you will never see me naked. Since when? Since always.
86
It's like dating language.
87
You know, like, it's not you means, it is you.
88
Or you're such a nice guy means, I'm gonna be dating leather wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you.
89
Or, or, you know, I think we should see other people means, Ha -ha, I already am. And everybody knows this.
90
Oh, yeah.
91
Cushions the blow.
92
Yeah, it's like when you're a kid
93
and your parents put your dog to sleep and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
94
That's funny.
95
No, because our parents actually did send our dog off to live on a farm.
96
Uh, Ross?
97
What?
98
What?
99
Hello?
100
The Milners farm in Connecticut?
101
The Milners, they had this unbelievable farm that they have horses and then rabbits that he could chase and it would...
102
Oh my God, Cheech!
103
Hey, what you guys doing?
104
Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
105
So why are you guys so upset?
106
It's Old Yeller, it's a happy movie.
107
What?
108
What are you talking about?
109
Come on, happy family gets a dog frontier fun yeah the themes what about the end
110
What, when Yeller saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?
111
That's not the end.
112
Yeah, huh.
113
That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say the end.
114
What about the part where he has rabies?
115
He doesn't have rabies.
116
He has babies.
117
That's what my mom said.
118
Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see what's about to happen.
119
What?
120
What's about to happen?
121
I've never seen this part before.
122
Hey, Travis, what you doing with that gun?
123
Oh, no. No, no, Travis, put down the gun.
124
No, no, no, no, he's your buddy, he's your yeller, no. No, no, the end, the end!
125
Okay, what kind of a sick doggy snuff film is this?
126
Hi.
127
Hey.
128
So, uh, Estelle, line up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow, and I'll have my health insurance back in no time.
129
That's great, but...
130
shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?
131
What?
132
What's wrong with you?
133
Nothing.
134
Well, I -I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, and then I, uh, passed out,
135
and, uh, haven't been able to stand up since.
136
But, uh, I don't think it's anything serious.
137
I don't think it's...
138
This sounds like a hernia.
139
You have to...
140
You go to the doctor.
141
No way.
142
Hey, look, if I'm gonna go to the doctor for anything, it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach.
143
That's a hernia.
144
I'd have to start working out again.
145
Damn you 15s!
146
They're tiny and chubby
147
And so sweet to touch
148
Soon they'll grow up
149
And resent you so much
150
Now they're yelling at you
151
And you don't know why
152
And you cry and you cry
153
And you cry and you cry
154
And you cry
155
Thanks, Ross Yeah, I'm paying you to stop Okay Okay.
156
Oh, look, twins.
157
Hi, guys.
158
Oh, cute, cute.
159
No fair.
160
I don't even have one.
161
How come they get two?
162
You'll get one.
163
Oh, yeah? When?
164
All right, I'll tell you what.
165
When we're 40, if neither of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
166
Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
167
Oh, no, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
168
Okay, hypothetically why won't I be married when I'm 40?
169
No, no, no. No, no, what is it?
170
Seriously, is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
171
Uh, uh...
172
Well?
173
Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack.
174
Everything's going fine, really.
175
Yeah, Ross is great.
176
He's, uh...
177
He's in a whole other place.
178
No, he's gone.
179
No, no, you don't have to fly back, really.
180
What do you mean this might be your only chance?
181
Would you stop?
182
I'm only 26.
183
I'm not even thinking about babies yet.
184
Oh, God, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.
185
I know.
186
I still am one of these.
187
Ross?
188
Yeah? Can I?
189
Okay, the head, the head.
190
You gotta...
191
Hi, Ben.
192
Hi.
193
I'm your Aunt Monica.
194
Yes, I am.
195
I'm your Aunt Monica.
196
I...
197
I will always have gum.
198
Hey, you feeling better?
199
Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.
200
So, do you have any other possibilities?
201
Oh, yeah, well, there is the possibility that I won't make rent.
202
Doc, if you want, I can lend you some money.
203
No, no, no, because if I couldn't pay you back right away, then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.
204
Oh, okay.
205
Well, then why don't you borrow it from Mom and Dad?
206
If you feel guilty and tense around them already, you might as well make some money off of them.
207
Hi.
208
Hi, darling.
209
So, what's this?
210
Some of your old stuff.
211
Well, sweetie, we have a surprise for you.
212
We're turning your room into a jam.
213
Wow, that is a surprise.
214
Just one little question.
215
Why not Ross's room?
216
Gosh, we talked about that, but your brother has so many science trophies and.. plaques and merit badges.
217
Well, we didn't want to disturb them.
218
Oh, God forbid.
219
You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush.
220
I'm just saying, it's right there.
221
Hey, guys.
222
Hi, darling.
223
Where's my grandson?
224
You didn't bring him?
225
No, he's at Carol's and Susan's today.
226
A woman in my office is a lesbian.
227
I'm just saying.
228
Oh, Jack, look, there's that house bank commercial that cracks you up.
229
Oh. Where have you been?
230
Emotional hell.
231
So did they lend you the money yet?
232
No, but that's probably because I haven't asked them yet.
233
Come on, Monica, do it.
234
Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.
235
Um, yeah, so, uh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before, but, um, I'm no longer at my job.
236
I had to leave it.
237
Why?
238
Because they made me.
239
You were fired?
240
What are you gonna do?
241
Judy, Judy, relax.
242
This is our little harmonica we're talking about.
243
We taught her well.
244
Ten percent of your paycheck.
245
Where does it go?
246
In the bank.
247
The bank.
248
There you go.
249
So she dips into her savings.
250
That's what it's there for.
251
She's gonna be fine.
252
And if you need a little extra, you know where to find it.
253
Anything larger back there?
254
Okay, here you go.
255
You can pay me back whenever you like.
256
You have dinosaur checks?
257
Yeah.
258
Yeah, I mean, you get your money and you learn a little something.
259
What's wrong with that?
260
Nothing, nothing.
261
Hey, you're a cheapasaurus.
262
No kidding.
263
No kidding.
264
Thank you.
265
I'm very grateful.
266
Hey, Mom, what is this?
267
Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school.
268
I was a little bigger then.
269
Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rains.
270
I should be more out of my league.
271
Ross, back me up here.
272
You can never get a woman like that in a million years.
273
Thank you, buddy.
274
Oh, oh, but you know you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys.
275
You could be one of those guys.
276
You could do that.
277
You think?
278
Yeah, absolutely.
279
Oh, God, I can't believe I'm even considering this.
280
I'm very, very aware of my tongue.
281
Come on, come on.
282
Here goes.
283
Yes?
284
Hi.
285
Um...
286
Okay, next word would be, uh, Chandler.
287
Chandler is my name, and, uh...
288
Hi.
289
Yes, you said that.
290
Yes.
291
Yes, I did.
292
But what I didn't say was what I was about to say.
293
What I wanted to say was, uh, would you like to go out with me sometime?
294
Thank you.
295
Good night.
296
Thank God, Phoebe, you're on fire.
297
I know.
298
One more score to go.
299
You can do it.
300
Don't touch me!
301
Don't touch her!
302
All right, go left.
303
Go right.
304
Go right!
305
I can't.
306
I can't.
307
No!
308
You son of a...
309
Phoebe!
310
Oh, hi, Ben.
311
Now don't look at the machine.
312
Paycheck!
313
Look at the window.
314
There's my name.
315
Hi, me.
316
I remember the day I got my first paycheck.
317
There was a cave -in in one of the mines and eight people were killed.
318
Wow, you worked in a mine?
319
I worked in a Dairy Queen.
320
Mine.
321
Oh, God, isn't this exciting?
322
I earned this.
323
I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally...
324
not worth it.
325
Who's FICA?
326
Why's he getting all my money?
327
I mean, what?
328
Chandler, look at that.
329
Oh, this is not that bad.
330
Oh, you're fine.
331
Yeah, for a first job?
332
You can totally, totally live on this.
333
Oh, yeah.
334
Yeah.
335
Hey, by the way, great service today.
336
Oh, yeah, yeah.
337
Oh, great, great.
338
Oh, that building stuff.
339
Oh, that building stuff.
340
Hey, babe.
341
Hey, honey.
342
So we just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing.
343
They don't like us, do they?
344
Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks?
345
Maybe we can take it back.
346
No, I didn't see where it came from.
347
Where would we return it?
348
How about to the street, save from the balcony?
349
Why don't we just find a place for it?
350
Yeah.
351
How about in that cabinet?
352
No, that's where we keep the canned goods.
353
Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?
354
How about the closet by the bathroom?
355
Oh, okay.
356
Here, why don't you let me do it?
357
No, no, no, no, no. I will do it.
358
Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once in a while.
359
It's locked.
360
You have to help me.
361
Why is it locked?
362
No reason.
363
I keep private things in there.
364
Well, you know, I've been living here for a while, and I have never seen what's inside that closet.
365
What is in there?
366
Feminine stuff.
367
Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff.
368
Taylor, there is nothing in there that concerns you.
369
If you love me, you'll just let it go.
370
Fine.
371
Thank you.
372
Love you.
373
I wasn't trying to open your closet.
374
I wasn't trying to open your closet, I swear.
375
Well, Monica runs a pretty tight ship around here, doesn't she?
376
What are you doing?
377
Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it.
378
Why not?
379
I don't know.
380
What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?
381
I don't know.
382
Ooh.
383
I bet it's Richard.
384
Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
385
Well, off the top of my head, uh, maybe she's having her cake and eating it, too.
386
You being the cake, Richard being the two. Or...
387
And here we go.
388
I saw this movie once where there was a door
389
and nobody knew what was behind it and
390
when they finally got it open millions and millions
391
and millions of bugs came pouring out
392
and they feasted on human flesh you know wouldn't kill
393
you to respect your wife's privacy not too shabby I got this all off myself
394
Using my wife's tools.
395
Oh, my God.
396
How did you get in there?
397
You're messy.
398
No, you weren't supposed to see this.
399
I married Fred Sanford.
400
No, Chandler, you don't understand.
401
Ba -ba -ba -da.
402
Ba -ba -ba -da -ba -da -ba.
403
Okay, okay, okay, fine.
404
Now you know, okay?
405
I'm, you know, I'm sick.
406
No, Craig, you're not sick.
407
Look, I don't love you because you're organized.
408
I love you in spite of that.
409
Really?
410
You promise you won't tell anyone?
411
Yes.
412
And look, now that I know, If I've got some extra stuff lying around, can we.. can we share the closet?
413
Oh.
414
Well, it's just, um...
415
I'm afraid you might mess it up.
416
Okay, okay, you can be shirts and I'll be skins.
417
I'll be skins!
418
Hey.
419
How you holding up there, tiger?
420
Oh, I'm sorry when my parents were getting divorced, I got a lot of tigers.
421
Got a lot of champs, chiefs, sports.
422
I even got a governor.
423
This is it, isn't it?
424
I mean, this is what my life's gonna be like.
425
My mom there, my dad there.
426
Thanksgiving, Christmas.
427
She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker.
428
Chandler, how did you get through this?
429
Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and wetting the bed.
430
You know, I just.. it's so weird.
431
I mean, I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other.
432
All I kept thinking about was the Fourth of July.
433
Because it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?
434
It's just this thing.
435
Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks.
436
Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big.
437
My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side.
438
My dad would be upset because nobody was helping, and then when we did help, he would scream at us for doing it wrong.
439
But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up.
440
You know, and it'd get really cold.
441
We would all just sort of smush under this one blanket.
442
It never occurred to anybody to bring another one. And now it's...
443
Yeah, I know.
444
You're applying the waxine and linen strips to leg number one. Did that.
445
Okay.
446
Grasp one of the linen strips by its easy grab tab and pull it off in one quick pain -free motion.
447
Okay.
448
Ow!
449
Was it not pain -free?
450
No, it was painful.
451
Oh, my God, they should call it pain -zine now with the little wax.
452
Well, the girls in the satin 90s on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad.
453
That's because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid.
454
But hey, you know, if you don't believe me, please be my guest.
455
Ow, ow, ow, ow, oh my God!
456
Now, aren't you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?
457
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
458
Oh, we were just waxing our legs off your information this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience
459
Yeah, well, I don't think you can make
460
that statement unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely
461
I think women just have a lower threshold for pain than men.
462
That's all.
463
I mean, come on.
464
It's just a little wax.
465
Yeah?
466
Oh, that's mature.
467
Okay, fine.
468
So now what?
469
I just pull it off?
470
Uh -huh.
471
That's right.
472
Good morning, everybody.
473
Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?
474
Oh, no, no, no. I'm an intern, just like you guys.
475
Except for the tie, the briefcase, and the fact that I can rent a car.
476
Seriously?
477
You're an intern?
478
Yeah, well, I'm kind of heading in a new career direction, and, you know, you gotta start at the bottom.
479
Dude.
480
All right, look, I know I'm a little bit older than you guys, but it's not like I'm Bob Hope.
481
The comedian?
482
U .S .O.
483
Uh, it's U .S .A., sir.
484
You know my friend Abby who shaves her head?
485
She says that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do, like, a cleansing ritual.
486
Phoebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.
487
Yeah.
488
So we can do it tomorrow night, you guys.
489
It's Valentine's Day.
490
It's perfect.
491
Okay, well, what kind of ritual?
492
Okay, we can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us. Or? Or?
493
Or we can chant and dance around naked.
494
You know, with sticks.
495
Burning's good.
496
Burning's good.
497
Yeah, I know stuff that hurt.
498
Okay, so now we need, um, sage branches and the sacramental wine.
499
All I had is oregano and a fresca.
500
Um, that's okay.
501
Okay.
502
Ooh.
503
Okay.
504
All right.
505
Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
506
Huh.
507
Okay, Phoebs.
508
You know what?
509
If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
510
Can we just start throwing things in?
511
Um, yeah.
512
Okay.
513
Oh, okay.
514
Okay, Barry's letters.
515
Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.
516
And I have the receipt for my dinner with Noka -lulu.
517
And look, there's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
518
Oh, I'm gonna say, he's wearing a sweater.
519
No. Ew!
520
Okay.
521
And here we have the last of Paolo's grappa.
522
Wait, wait, Rachel, isn't that almost pure...
523
Uh -oh.
524
Uh -oh.
525
How are you feeling?
526
Well, my apartment isn't there anymore because I drank it.
527
Where'd you get to?
528
We lost you after you opened up all the presents.
529
Yeah.
530
Yeah, I ended up in the storage room and not alone.
531
Woo -hoo -ing!
532
No woo -hoo -ing.
533
No woo -hoo -ing.
534
Why?
535
What happened?
536
Ah.
537
I fooled around with Joey's sister.
538
Well, that's not the worst part.
539
What is the worst part?
540
I can't remember which sister.
541
You see what men do?
542
Don't tell me men are nice
543
This is men! Are you insane?
544
I mean, Joey's gonna kill you
545
He's actually going to kill you dead
546
Okay, you don't think I thought of that?
547
How can you not know which one?
548
I mean, it's unbelievable I mean, was it Gina?
549
Which one is Gina?
550
The dark, big hair with the airplane earrings
551
No, no, no, that's not Gina, that's Dina You see, you can't tell which is which either
552
We didn't fool around with any of them.
553
Veronica, look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt.
554
I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat. That was me.
555
Oh, look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get a little overly friendly, and I'm sorry.
556
That's okay.
557
That's all right.
558
That's okay.
559
Can I talk to you for a second?
560
Hey, Joey.
561
Hey.
562
Come on.
563
Why can't we talk in here? With witnesses.
564
I just got off the phone with my sister.
565
Uh, which one?
566
Mary Angela.
567
Mary Angela.
568
Yeah.
569
No, which one is she again?
570
Why don't you ask Chandler?
571
Because he's the one who fooled around with her.
572
She told me you said you could really fall for her.
573
Now, is that true?
574
Or are you just getting over Janice by groping my sister?
575
It's got to be the first one.
576
You can't move.
577
You just can't.
578
Rachel's right.
579
This is where you guys belong.
580
Yeah, you don't want to live in Westchester.
581
That's like the worst of the Chesters.
582
You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, and I look over here,
583
and you guys are just having dinner or watching TV or something, but...
584
it makes me feel better.
585
And now when I look over, who am I gonna see?
586
The Gottliebs?
587
The Yangs?
588
They don't make me feel so good.
589
Yeah, so don't move, okay?
590
Just stay here and maybe close your blinds at night.
591
Hey.
592
Hello?
593
It's Nancy.
594
They responded to our offer. And?
595
Yeah.
596
Okay, thanks.
597
They passed.
598
They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price.
599
We can't afford that.
600
I know.
601
Well, there you go.
602
I'm really sorry, you guys.
603
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
604
I'm even more sorry that that phone call didn't come before I told you about looking through the window.
605
Well, honey, what about you?
606
What?
607
I mean, any fun, you know, fantasy -type things?
608
No. Come on, you gotta have one.
609
Nope.
610
Ross, you know what?
611
What?
612
If you tell me, I might do it.
613
Okay. Did you ever see
614
Return of the Jedi?
615
Yeah.
616
Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hutt?
617
Well, Jabba had as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
618
Ah.
619
Princess Leia was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing.
620
it was pretty cool
621
look
622
that was supposed to be like a private personal thing between us okay ross phoebe is my girlfriend okay
623
we tell each other everything you know
624
i mean come on you guys do the same thing i mean what about
625
that locker room stuff that's different okay that's like uh who dated a stripper
626
or who did it on the back of the stanton island ferry both of those joey yeah but you don't you
627
Don't talk about, like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you do with her.
628
Not even with your best friend?
629
No. That is so sad.
630
You're missing out on so much, Ross.
631
I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know?
632
And knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
633
Huh.
634
So what, you tell each other everything?
635
Pretty much.
636
Rachel says sharing's great, and supposedly, you know, we ought to be doing it.
637
Uh, do you want to?
638
We're not gonna talk about girth, are we?
639
No. Yeah, okay.
640
Yeah?
641
Yeah.
642
All right.
643
You go first.
644
Okay.
645
Okay.
646
I'll go first.
647
Okay.
648
So, uh, the other night, Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies and I happened to describe a particular...
649
Star Wars thing.
650
Princess Leia in the gold bikini.
651
Yes!
652
Yes!
653
Well, wow.
654
Well, that was easy.
655
Okay, you go.
656
Okay.
657
Okay, well, you know when you're in bed with a woman and, uh...
658
You know, you're fooling around with her and you get all these, like, mental images in your brain, you know, like, uh, Elle McPherson or,
659
uh, that girl at the Xerox place.
660
With the belly button ring?
661
Oh, my.
662
I know.
663
And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into your head.
664
And you're like, Mom, get out of here.
665
You know, but of course, like, after that, you can't possibly think of anything else and you can't, you know, stop what you're doing,
666
so it's kind of like you're...
667
You know.
668
You know.
669
You don't know.
670
Hey, here we go.
671
I'm Jabba's prisoner. And you?
672
I have a really weird look on your face.
673
What is it?
674
Did I get it wrong?
675
Did I get the hair wrong?
676
Did you just picture it differently?
677
What?
678
No, no, it's not you.
679
It's not you.
680
It's, um, it's...
681
Well, what is it?
682
Come on, sweetie.
683
You're kind of like freaking me out here.
684
i hate chandler the bastard ruined my life okay what is
685
it about me do i not look fun enough is there something repellent about me
686
so how was the party well it couldn't have been worse a woman literally passed through me okay
687
so what is it am i hideously unattractive no you are not
688
you are very attractive you know what i go through the exact same thing every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything.
689
Whoa, whoa.
690
I put on a little weight?
691
Did you want to do that?
692
No, not weight.
693
You know, more like insulation.
694
Chandler, I'm unemployed in dire need of a project.
695
You want to work out?
696
I can remake you.
697
Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
698
Please?
699
Come on.
700
Yeah, let her do it or you.
701
All right.
702
Okay.
703
All right.
704
But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home.
705
Your boobs are fine.
706
Look, I never should have said anything.
707
Come here.
708
Come here.
709
Come here.
710
Oh, can't make hands meet.
711
Okay.
712
Let's do it.
713
What?
714
Nothing.
715
Just never seen your little stretchy pants before. And we're changing.
716
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
717
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
718
She's insane.
719
The woman is insane.
720
It's before work, it's after work, it's during work.
721
She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk.
722
And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
723
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
724
Monica, it's Sunday morning.
725
I'm not running on a Sunday.
726
Why not?
727
Because it's Sunday.
728
It's God's day.
729
Hey, you say stop, and we stop.
730
Okay.
731
Stop.
732
No, come on!
733
We can't stop!
734
Come on, we got three more pounds to go!
735
I am the energy train, and you are on board!
736
Woo -woo!
737
Woo -woo!
738
Woo -woo!
739
Whoo!
740
Monica, it's 6 .30 in the morning.
741
We're not working out.
742
It's over.
743
No way!
744
With one pound to go, come on!
745
We're working, we're moving, we're in the zone, we're grooving!
746
Okay, I don't mind the last pound, okay?
747
In fact, I kind of like the last pound.
748
Okay, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret.
749
Oh, what you gonna do, fat boy, huh?
750
What?
751
Nothing.
752
Except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have.
753
Well, thanks.
754
I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.
755
You know.
756
You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed.
757
Uh -huh.
758
And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.
759
Well, no, but I...
760
I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.
761
You know, I try to stay positive. So you...
762
You feel like going for a run?
763
All right.
764
Because, you know, you don't have to.
765
If you want, you could just take a nap right here.
766
Okay.
767
Just for a little while.
768
Okay.
769
If anything else opens up, please...
770
Hello?
771
Hello?
772
Oh.
773
Hmm.
774
Sorry, Rach. Where were we?
775
Oh, OK.
776
Five card draw.
777
Jacks are better.
778
Nothing wild.
779
Everybody ante.
780
Look, Rach, we don't have to do this.
781
Yes, we do.
782
All right, check.
783
Check.
784
I'm in for 50 cents.
785
Call.
786
I'm in.
787
I see your 50 cents, and I raise you.. five dollars.
788
I thought it was a 50 -cent limit.
789
Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bed five bucks.
790
Does anybody have a problem with that?
791
I don't think it's Mike.
792
We're here.
793
Okay, if Mike were here, what would the two of you be doing?
794
What are you, animals?
795
It's 4 o 'clock in the afternoon.
796
I gotta call him.
797
Just to talk to him.
798
There's no harm in that.
799
Phoebe, that's how it starts.
800
I don't need to eat the cake.
801
I'll just smell the icing.
802
Why not just a little sliver or...
803
Okay, just a slice or two.
804
You know, the next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide.
805
Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard.
806
But look, if you talk to him, then you're gonna wanna see him.
807
And if you see him, you're gonna wanna get back together with him.
808
And I know that's not what you want.
809
All right, so give me your phone.
810
Here. And now your cell.
811
Okay.
812
There you go.
813
This is your cell phone.
814
Yes.
815
This is your current cell phone.
816
Yes.
817
It reminds me of a simpler time.
818
Phoebe, where's your purse?
819
Hey.
820
No, no. Give it to me.
821
You can't have it.
822
Give it to me.
823
No. I'll go in there.
824
Oh, yeah.
825
Phoebe, come here.
826
No. Give it to me.
827
No, what?
828
You're crying.
829
It's gone.
830
Whoa.
831
Whoa.
832
Ah.
833
Ha.
834
Damn you, Monica Geller, hyphen Bing.
835
This is a pity.
836
Why are there men's shoes by the door?
837
Those are my shoes.
838
Oh.
839
Well, when you get over this breakup, we need to go shopping.
840
Look, Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better.
841
You are?
842
Yeah, I just kind of want to be alone right now.
843
Who's that?
844
I ordered Chinese food.
845
What are the chances?
846
One billion Chinese people, and they said Mike!
847
What are you doing here?
848
Phoebe called me.
849
Phoebe!
850
I'm sorry, I broke down.
851
I wanted to see him.
852
Damn it, Phoebe, how did you even call him?
853
There's a speakerphone on the base unit.
854
Base unit?
855
Think, Monica, think!
856
Look, if I want to see Phoebe and she wants to see me...
857
This doesn't concern you.
858
Oh, sorry.
859
I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name.
860
Look, guys, you can't do this.
861
It's just gonna make getting over each other that much harder.
862
Not if nothing happens.
863
Why can't.. why can't we just hang out as friends? Are you sure?
864
I'm just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join you.
865
You know, I'm your friend and I'm Mike's friend.
866
Sit down.
867
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
868
Make room for your friend.
869
Hey.
870
So how have you been?
871
I've been pretty good.
872
What are you doing?
873
I, uh, reorganized the fridge.
874
See?
875
Uh, bottom shelf, meats and dairy.
876
Middle shelf, fruits and vegetables.
877
And top shelf, expired products.
878
Why are you doing this?
879
Because I am bored, out of my mind.
880
I've already been to the bank, the post office, and the dry cleaners.
881
Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff.
882
You gotta spread it out a little, you know?
883
Haven't you ever been unemployed?
884
Hey, I am not unemployed.
885
I'm on sabbatical.
886
Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?
887
A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing, you know?
888
Well, what...
889
Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs, huh?
890
Look, come here.
891
Sit down.
892
Ready?
893
Watch.
894
Oh! And then...
895
Oh, ow!
896
Huh?
897
So what, we just sit?
898
Oh, no, no. We're not gonna just sit.
899
Watch.
900
Hello, Chandler Bing.
901
Hello, Mr. Bing.
902
I love you.
903
All right, whoever this is, stop calling me.
904
It's been six months.
905
It's not funny. But I love you.
906
Leave me alone.
907
For the love of God, leave me alone. And that's Wednesday.
908
Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
909
No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.
910
So where are you going, Mr. Sooty Man?
911
Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor, a go -go.
912
I added the a go -go.
913
Career counselor?
914
Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.
915
I don't.
916
Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do.
917
You know what?
918
You have goals.
919
You have dreams.
920
I don't have a dream.
921
Uh, the lesser -known I -don't -have -a -dream speech.
922
Oh, I love my life.
923
I love my life.
924
A Brian song.
925
The meeting with that guy went great.
926
It was so great.
927
He showed me where the restaurant's gonna be.
928
It's this cute little place on 10th Street.
929
It's not too big, it's not too small, it's just right.
930
Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?
931
Just sign right here, please.
932
Oh, sure.
933
Oh, what's...
934
The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch.
935
Wait, no, that's ridiculous.
936
Come on, he lives three blocks away.
937
You know what?
938
I'll take it myself, thank you.
939
All right, Rich, come on, let's go.
940
Yeah. Are you kidding?
941
Oh, come on, it's only three blocks.
942
It's not very heavy.
943
Try it.
944
Come on, come on.
945
Oh, oh, I can do it.
946
Yeah.
947
You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.
948
Oh, yeah, we're, uh, yeah, we're not together, but...
949
Oh, okay.
950
Yeah, something didn't quite add up there.
951
Ross, didn't you say that there was, um, an elevator in here?
952
Uh, yes, I did, but there isn't.
953
Okay, here we go.
954
Okay, go left.
955
Left.
956
Left.
957
Okay, you know what?
958
There's no more left.
959
Left.
960
Oh, okay, lift it.
961
Straight up over your head.
962
Straight up over your head.
963
You can do it.
964
You can do it.
965
Okay.
966
You got it?
967
Good, good, good.
968
Yeah, you got it, right?
969
You got it, right?
970
You got it.
971
Any chance you think the couch looks good there?
972
Come here to me.
973
No, no, you come here to me.
974
Hey, Ross.
975
I brought reinforcements.
976
Oh, great.
977
What, you brought Joey?
978
Well, I brought the next best thing.
979
Hey.
980
Chandler, you brought Chandler?
981
The next best thing would be Monica.
982
You know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so...
983
Look, I drew a sketch of how we're gonna do it, okay?
984
Rach, that's you.
985
That's the couch.
986
Mm -hmm.
987
Ooh, what's that?
988
Oh, that's me.
989
Wow.
990
Certainly think a lot of yourself.
991
No, that's my arm.
992
Oh, I see.
993
I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.
994
You know what?
995
Just follow my lead.
996
Okay.
997
Come on, Charlie.
998
All right.
999
Okay.
1000
Here we go.
1001
All right.
1002
Ready?
1003
Turn.
1004
Okay.
1005
Turn.
1006
Turn.
1007
I don't think we can turn anymore.
1008
I just don't think it's going to fit.
1009
Oh, yeah, it will.
1010
Come on.
1011
Up, up, up.
1012
Up.
1013
Yes.
1014
Here we go.
1015
Pivot.
1016
Pivot.
1017
Pivot!
1018
Pivot!
1019
Pivot!
1020
Pivot!
1021
Pivot!
1022
Shut up!
1023
Shut up!
1024
Shut up!
1025
Okay, I don't think it's gonna pivot anymore.
1026
You think?
1027
Alright, let's, uh, let's bring it back down and try again.
1028
Okay, yeah, I think it's really stuck now.
1029
I can't believe that didn't work.
1030
I know, me neither.
1031
I mean, it had a sketch.
1032
Oh, you know what?
1033
What did you mean when you said pivot?
1034
So, how's your date with your cyber chick going?
1035
Oh, hey, what is all that?
1036
Oh, it's a website.
1037
It's the Guggenheim Museum.
1038
See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
1039
What does she mean by H .H.?
1040
It means we're holding hands. Are you the cutest?
1041
I'm afraid I might just be.
1042
You know what I think is so great?
1043
That you are totally into this person, yet for all you know, she could be, like, 90 years old or have two heads or...
1044
It could be a guy.
1045
Okay, it's not a guy, all right?
1046
I know her.
1047
It could be, like, a big, giant guy.
1048
Man, I got this close to him, and Monica need me in the back.
1049
What's going on?
1050
We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend's a girl.
1051
Oh, well, just ask her how long she's gonna live.
1052
Women live longer than men.
1053
How do you not fall down more?
1054
For once, I'm gonna sit down and try to watch one of these things.
1055
Halftime.
1056
Hey, who wants to, uh, throw the ball around a little?
1057
Maybe get a little three -on -three going.
1058
Oh, that would be so much fun.
1059
Oh, can I play, too?
1060
I've never played football, like, ever.
1061
Great.
1062
You can cover Chandler.
1063
No, no, I don't really want to play.
1064
Come on, man.
1065
You haven't wanted to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
1066
That's not true.
1067
I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day.
1068
I wanted to start drinking in the morning.
1069
Don't say that I don't have goals.
1070
Chandler, you have to start getting over her, all right?
1071
If you play, you get some fresh air.
1072
Maybe you'll take your mind off Janice.
1073
And if you don't play, everyone will be mad at you because the teams won't be even.
1074
Come on.
1075
Yeah, I'll play.
1076
Yay!
1077
Let's do it!
1078
Ross?
1079
What?
1080
Want to play football?
1081
Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
1082
Says who, your mom?
1083
Yes.
1084
Well, every Thanksgiving, um, we used to have a touch football game called the Geller Bowl.
1085
No, no, no. You say that proudly.
1086
Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and, um, it got kind of competitive, and one year, Killer Bowl Six,
1087
I accidentally broke Ross's nose.
1088
It was so not an accident.
1089
She saw I was about to tag her, so she threw her big, fat grandma arm elbow in my face.
1090
Just kept running.
1091
Just scored the winning touchdown, by the way.
1092
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1093
So, uh, you did not win the game.
1094
The touchdown didn't count because of the spectacularly illegal...
1095
Oh, and by the way, Savage, nose -breaking.
1096
I won the game.
1097
Oh, yeah?
1098
Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
1099
There was a Geller Cup?
1100
Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game.
1101
But our dad said nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting, so we took the trophy...
1102
threw it in the lake and was the curse lifted
1103
anyway
1104
that's when mom said we were not allowed to play football again
1105
you know what i think
1106
we should play a game let me come on it's been 12 years can i see you for a second
1107
what all right we're gonna play wait a minute though how are we gonna get there
1108
because my mom won't let me cross the street tell me have a good night did that guy just call you
1109
Toby
1110
yeah he thinks that's my name well why don't you correct him oh it's been going on way too long now
1111
you know I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway
1112
so I didn't say anything
1113
and then the next time he said hey toby you want a donut and I wanted the donut
1114
and now it's five years later the donuts gone and I'm still
1115
Toby hey
1116
She's not as pretty as she was when she was 29.
1117
Miss Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out.
1118
She would appreciate it if you didn't use the words old or downhill, or they still look pretty damn good.
1119
They do.
1120
Hey, Joel, come on out.
1121
Monica made breakfast.
1122
Chocolate chip pancakes.
1123
We've got presents.
1124
Good ones?
1125
They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago.
1126
Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29?
1127
Come on, Rach.
1128
Look, turning 30's not that big a deal.
1129
Oh, really?
1130
Is that how you felt when you turned 30?
1131
Why, God, why?
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione si basa sul video “The Relatable Ones”. Questo video contiene 1131 frasi e 6817 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 53:45. Chi parla mantiene un ritmo costante di circa 127 parole al minuto, comodo per lo shadowing. Il 83% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare. 249 delle sue 1131 frasi sono domande: un buon esercizio per l’intonazione interrogativa e le risposte brevi.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| couch sostantivo | /ˈkaʊ̯t͡ʃ/ | canapè, divano |
| honey sostantivo | /ˈhʌni/ | miele |
| naked aggettivo | /ˈneɪkɪd/ | nudo, ignudo |
| insane aggettivo | /ɪnˈseɪn/ | insano, pazzo |
| strip verbo | /ˈstɹɪp/ | strappare, togliere |
| ritual sostantivo | /ˈɹɪt͡ʃ.u.əl/ | rituale |
| shelf sostantivo | /ʃɛlf/ | scaffale, mensola |
| unemployed aggettivo | /ˌʌnɪmˈplɔɪd/ | disoccupato |
| chop verbo | /t͡ʃɑp/ | tagliare |
| bikini sostantivo | /bɪˈki.ni/ | bikini |
| ridiculous aggettivo | /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/ | ridicolo |
| stomach sostantivo | /ˈstʌmək/ | stomaco |
| buddy | /ˈbʌdi/ | amico, compagno |
| sudden aggettivo | /ˈsʌd.ən/ | improvviso |
| remind verbo | /ɹəˈmaɪnd/ | ricordare |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| get over verbo | superare, vincere | |
| shut up | /ʃʌt ʌp/ | chiudi la bocca, stai zitto |
| sit down verbo | sedersi, accomodarsi | |
| go through verbo | attraversare | |
| look over verbo | esaminare | |
| open up verbo | aprire | |
| add up verbo | sommarsi | |
| back down verbo | cedere |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- Why's he getting all my money?
- They don't like us, do they?
- Why don't we just find a place for it?
- Here, why don't you let me do it?
- You promise you won't tell anyone?
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Frasi condizionali if + frase, will/would + verbo — una condizione e il suo risultato | If you love me, you'll just · If we had that, we wouldn't be · if Mike were here, what would the |
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — un’azione iniziata prima e ancora in corso | I've been living · I've been drinking · it's been going |
| “Used to” used to + verbo — un’abitudine o uno stato passato che non è più vero | used to cover · used to have |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | they've done · I've never seen · haven't been |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 295 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come don't, I'm, gonna. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: leather /ˈlɛðɚ/, throat /ˈθɹoʊt/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/, theirs /ðɛɚz/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: shelf /ʃɛlf/, rush /ɹʌʃ/, establish /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/, chef /ʃɛf/, flesh /flɛʃ/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/, unbelievable /ˌʌnbɪˈliːvəbl̩/, disappointed /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnɪd/, ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, difficulty /ˈdɪfɪkəlti/
I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:
- /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: honey /ˈhʌni/, harm /hɑːm/, horrible /ˈhɔɹ.ɪ.bəl/, whoever /huˈɛvɚ/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/
- Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: closet /ˈklɑzɪt/, couch /ˈkaʊ̯t͡ʃ/, naked /ˈneɪkɪd/, strip /ˈstɹɪp/, pound /ˈpaʊ̯nd/
- /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: chandler /ˈt͡ʃændlɚ/, relax /ɹɪˈlæks/, pants /pænts/, establish /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/, crack /kɹæk/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Fai shadowing frase per frase a velocità normale, ripetendo ognuna finché il tuo ritmo coincide con quello di chi parla.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come couch, honey, naked.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.