ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: I CAN'T CLOSE MY BANK ACCOUNT | Gautham Govindan | Stand-Up Comedy

I've reached a point where I'm not worried about my screen time anymore, let me be honest.

I've made peace of the fact that half my brain belongs to Meta

or Google or whoever can hook me with a toing sound.

My bigger concern is that because I'm spending so much time on screens, I'm losing a lot of skills that I gained in the past, right?

One of the things I've lost is my handwriting, guys.

Oh my, it's gone.

In my defense, I never had it, okay?

Because I write with my left hand, I'm a left-hander, and I don't write like this, I write like this.

Left arm around the wicket.

And as if this is not awkward enough, every time I write, my tongue also comes around.

Nip of the mind.

If you're a left-hander, if you're knowing left-handers, you always see, they always hold the pen little weirdly.

Like most of them hold it like me, like doggy style, they hold it.

They hold it like chopsticks.

Some people, their whole body goes to cursive.

And it's not because we want to please the pen or anything, okay?

It's because if we write like how you right-handers write, right?

Whatever, you know, missionary.

All the ink ends up coming here.

Right?

Because when you write, before the ink dries, this Gillette Mark III aloe vera gel strip You're writing and erasing at the same time.

This becomes an encryption software.

End-to-end encryption.

So strong, even you don't know what you wrote.

So I have to write like this.

It looks awkward.

People think I'm showing off when I write like this.

They look at me, they're like, wow!

Oh!

Watham, you can ride with your left also?

Actually, I can ride with my right hand as well, because if you're in school, and you ride like you're possessed by an evil spirit,

they try to convert you. And you know what?

They could just told me, hey, just ride with your right hand.

You know how they try to convert me?

They sat a girl over here. Do you get it?

For me to go like this, my elbow would have reached places that would lead to other elbows coming to my face.

So I wrote with right hand, one year I wrote with my right hand.

Bad handwriting there also by the way.

Yeah, the school concluded that my thoughts have bad handwriting.

I can write with both hands, but I'm not ambidextrous.

Ambidextrous is when you can write well with both hands.

I can write shit with both hands.

I'm ambi-illiterate.

All my appendages are dumb.

But now, guys, my current handwriting, you should, I mean, I hope you don't see it, because my current handwriting should be acceptable only on the walls of a cave.

Next to some dinosaur bones or something.

If you see my handwriting, you will guess I'm a lefty, but you will guess left leg. Or left nostril.

Because I saw my handwriting recently because I had to close an old bank account of mine.

I had a 10 year old bank account which had 7 rupees in it and with the power of compound interest

It's now 9 rupees guys If you want any more financial advice please give me also

Sir, I'm filling up that form Oh my god Every bone in my arm is paining.

I'm losing hope in between a sentence.

I'm writing my address like 73, second floor.

Etcetera.

No two words look the same.

All different fonts.

One is Times New Roman.

One is Comic Sans.

One is Devanagri.

Script essay.

I finished the form.

You know what my form looked like?

It looked like a ransom note, a kidnapper's hands.

You know what I'm talking about?

The note they send the police, send this much money or we'll kill you.

They cut words from different places and they stick it together.

Isn't that hilarious, guys?

That in an intense situation of a kidnapping, one bastard is doing art and crafts over there.

Everybody's like, oh, oh, this guy's like, mm-mm-mm.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hmm.

Kill.

By the way, scissors is also, it's a right-handed instrument.

I don't know if you know that, right?

If you cut it, the left-hand paper doesn't cut.

It just folds, like, why you...

Why are you cutting?

That's my biggest nightmare.

If I get called to inaugurate a store or something.

Oh man, so embarrassing it will be.

I'll end up opening the store like I open a lace packet.

I finished the form, next obstacle came.

I forgot my signature.

Guys, let me ask you one thing.

Why have we moved away from thumbprint?

Right?

If we use a thumbprint as a sign of illiteracy, right?

But when Apple puts on the phone, you're like, Oh wow, genius!

Security!

Imagine every time you had to unlock your phone, you had to sign.

Your phone will forever be locked.

You take your phone like,

Ahhhh And now your phone is locked for 3 minutes because of so many incorrect tries.

Oh, okay.

Now you forgot what you wanted to lock and lock your phone for.

Oh, ambulance.

Yeah, hello?

I'm telling you dude, like, it's better.

The thumbprint is better, right?

100

Everybody has their own, you don't have to learn it.

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You can't forge a thumbprint.

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Right?

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I mean, it'll be pretty obvious when you carry a separate thumb in your pocket.

104

What is mine only?

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I'm Hrithik.

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See, I'm team thumbprint.

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Okay?

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Because see, if I do a thumbprint, people will be like, oh, he might be illiterate.

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But if I sign, people will be like, he is illiterate.

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Because I don't have a sign.

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Because when I was a kid, I was so good at copying my mom and dad's signature that I forgot to work on my own.

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So now every sign is different.

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The G is there.

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Gautam's G is there.

115

But after that, guys, it's wherever the pen takes me.

116

Before signing, I look at the other person like, are you ready?

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Because the journey we both embark on together.

118

Right?

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It can be anything.

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It can be Gautam, it can be Gautam, go and then, if I'm feeling like a loser that day, Gautam Gambhir also comes out.

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I'm telling you.

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It's mostly a jazz signature. But I signed.

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Whatever I thought my signature was, I signed over there.

124

Right?

125

And this bang guy, he looked at his monitor which had my sign from 10 years back.

126

And he was like, Oh, the signs don't match.

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And I was like, of course.

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It's been 10 years.

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Aren't you happy that I've changed as a person?

130

He's like, no, no, no. The signs have to match.

131

What if you're a fraud? for 9 rupees?

132

Even if you think I'm a fraud, what kind of low ambition crime do you think I'm doing?

133

He's like, no, no, no, no. Signs have to match.

134

I was like, give me another paper.

135

I signed over there.

136

He was like, signs don't match.

137

I was like, bro, just show me the monitor.

138

I can copy really well.

139

No, I can't show you the monitor, but I can give you a clue.

140

You.

141

He was like, before, you didn't have two dots below your signature.

142

Now you have.

143

Why?

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Why do I have two dots?

145

For extended pleasure, I have two dots.

146

I don't know why I have it.

147

I just like doing it.

148

That's my real sign and I sign whatever, I do, and I'm like, check it out.

149

Signature of a real jerk.

150

I'll tell you what, I copied it, I'll be honest.

151

I copied it from Amitabh Bachchan.

152

Amitabh Bachchan is a convert.

153

He's a left-hander, he converted a right-hand.

154

And if you see in KBC, he signs all these checks like, he bounces his pen.

155

In my case, the check also bounces, but like, how much can you copy?

156

Everything is going, man.

157

Handwriting is gone.

158

Signature is gone.

159

Attention is gone.

160

Don't you guys think so?

161

No. No?

162

Who said no?

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You.

164

You have good attention.

165

You meditate and all.

166

That's nice man.

167

Why am I shitting on someone who's doing life well?

168

Oh, you have a good life or what?

169

No, no, I get so easily distracted, man.

170

Dude, I get distracted by the sound my phone makes when it's on silent mode.

171

My ears are tuned to

172

that The sweet sound of a mouthful of paan You know,

173

and you know what, it's worse than loud mode, okay?

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Because at least in loud mode, every notification sounds different So you know what you're getting Here, everything, same sound Your girlfriend sends you a disappearing image?

175

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm Your relative passed away?

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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Both very different feelings!

177

Both went away too soon, but very different!

178

No!

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No!

180

No!

181

Shit!

182

It's just so bad man, But you know, I am such a hypocrite you know, Because I get so easily distracted,

183

But I expect 100 percent attention from people in front of me It's so bad, And it's not even a show setting right?

184

Like recently I was talking to a friend outside on the road and while I was talking to him, he looked at his watch.

185

A part of me dies.

186

I got angry at him.

187

I was like, why did I ask you the time?

188

Even if I asked, look at the sun and tell me.

189

Because no one looks at their watch when they're having fun, right?

190

No one is like, How much more fun can I have?

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but I get it man, nobody like we all know the very fidgety we are like you look at your watch, check your food and all this

192

because you can't have a dull moment in your life anymore you just know

193

that there's a meme there

194

that can heal you that's how much content is there right now there's

195

so much content out there these days that

196

if you watch a reel right and you like it but you forget to like it It's gone, forever, never to be seen again.

197

It happened to me recently, I was watching a reel, hilarious reel.

198

It was two dogs were twerking and one turned back and winked at Neil.

199

I was about to like it but I got a phone call, I picked it up, came back, gone, reel is gone.

200

Now like a psycho, I'm searching for it on Google.

201

Have you seen the reel where there are two dogs twerking?

202

And one looks back and winks at me and Google is like, what a mental health professional is near me.

203

I'm like, no!

204

There's so much lack of attention these days, a lot of people think they have ADHD now.

205

Right?

206

ADHD, if you don't know, it is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

207

It's a mental condition where you can't pay attention to things, you lose focus very quickly.

208

It's also the mental condition that's in fashion right now.

209

Everybody likes to have it.

210

they watch a couple of freezes and they self-diagnose.

211

They're like, oh, me also?

212

I also start things and don't finish.

213

They're like, yeah, yeah.

214

That's a different disease.

215

That's not ADHD.

216

That's LAZY.

217

Relax.

218

But I don't know if you've noticed, every couple of years, a new mental condition comes in fashion.

219

Like, remember two years back when everybody, the whole world had OCD, remember that?

220

Everybody was like, oh, so much OCD.

221

Here I have OCD.

222

Every morning, I have to brush my teeth, I have OCD.

223

Dude, it became so fashionable that people started asking other people, What's your OCD?

224

What's your obsessive compulsive disorder?

225

It's like going to a cancer hospital and being like, Oh, which flavor cancer can...

226

You get it?

227

But mental conditions are coming in fashion, man.

228

The reason why it comes in fashion is very simple, right? because it's not physically, you can't spot it.

229

It's very easy to fake it.

230

If someone tells you that they have ADHD, you can be like, oh, where?

231

Oh, turn around.

232

Aha, there.

233

This is my ADHD.

234

So they take one symptom and they extrapolate that they have ADHD.

235

That's why you'll never see physical conditions come in fashion.

236

You'll never hear anybody going like, oh, I think I have rabies.

237

Why?

238

I'm thirsty, that's why.

239

But the biggest reason why You know, mental conditions come in fashion is because it's a very easy way for people to excuse their bad behavior.

240

You'll hear a lot of that.

241

You'll hear like, Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to return your call.

242

I have ADHD.

243

Like, ha ha ha.

244

Which D stands for dick in that?

245

No, I'm very passionate about ADHD because my girlfriend has ADHD.

246

She has the premium version, the good one.

247

Horrible condition to have.

248

I see her struggle with attention and focus every day.

249

Amazing condition to be in a relationship with.

250

Because I have the power to distract her at will.

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We don't fight.

252

Any time a fight starts, I'm like, Aaaaah!

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Just runs away like a cat.

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I mean, it's a bug for her.

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It's a feature for me.

256

Having a positive mindset.

257

I'll tell you, I'll give you another example.

258

Especially people with ADHD, they can't stop doomsdaying.

259

Any event, they always think of how many ways it can go wrong.

260

For example, if she helps me pack for a trip or something, even if it's a one-day trip, she'll pack as if on my way to the destination,

261

North Korea launches a nuclear strike and I have to be underground for two months.

262

I'm not even kidding, recently I had a one-day trip to Hyderabad and then I had a show over there.

263

I called her, I was like, you know, I have a headache, I have to go to the pharmacy.

264

And like a magician, she was like, check your bag, left pocket.

265

That's what them all is there.

266

And I was like, oh wow.

267

Actually, anyway, I have to go to the pharmacy, I had to buy a nail cutter.

268

Check your bag, right pocket.

269

Fifth army knife is there.

270

Actually, I had a bad show, I don't want to go back home.

271

Check your laptop compartment, rope and stool is there.

272

You have planned everything.

273

No, and it's good because I don't like packing.

274

Okay, I'm not a big fan of packing.

275

I hate it actually.

276

And not the physical act of it, the mathematics of packing I hate.

277

Like I'll give you an example.

278

Here one day in Mumbai I am, right?

279

For the last one week I was thinking how many underwear I should carry.

280

Simple, right?

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One day trip means one underwear.

282

But now the overthinking starts, what if it starts raining?

283

Two underwear.

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What if I decide to do the first ever split in my life?

285

Three underwear?

286

What if a friend asked me, Hey, can I have your underwear?

287

Four underwear?

288

Dude, if she's not in my life, I would have packed a bag with ten jockeys and a toothbrush and come like I'm a distributor.

289

They would have stopped me at the airport.

290

The bag would have gone through the X-Ray machine and come out to the other side.

291

I'd be like, what happened, sir?

292

They're like, you tell me what happened.

293

Explain the toothbrush actually actually

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ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: I CAN'T CLOSE MY BANK ACCOUNT | Gautham Govindan | Stand-Up Comedy

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