Shadowing Practice: Quick Thinks: How to Have Better Conversations About Aging - Learn English Speaking with Video
Ders oluşturuluyor...
1
Be direct, clear, and empathetic.
2
Don't bubble wrap your communication.
3
My name is Matt Abrahams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business.
4
Welcome to this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.
5
In my recent conversation with gerontologist Carrie Burnwright, she discussed so many useful approaches and skills that we could not capture them all in one episode.
6
So here we provide more of Carrie's especially when we communicate with older people.
7
In your book, you have a quiz about your mindset towards aging.
8
And I, like I feel many people, have a declining mindset as you define it.
9
Can you describe techniques and ways that we can flip that switch?
10
Because I would much rather have a positive outlook and reap the benefits from perhaps doing so.
11
Yes.
12
Well, so you can think of it, your listeners can think of it, there are two options.
13
aptly damn.
14
And that's the prevalent.
15
That is the cultural norm.
16
That's our default setting.
17
Then there's the growth aging mindset.
18
And if you put an E on, it could be game.
19
I like it.
20
But the growth aging mindset, in fact, is backed by science.
21
And I think that's what helps.
22
This is not a put your head in the sand thing.
23
This is, in fact, knowing that I am going to be able to, for example, solve problems.
24
And I want to give you an example of it, because if people know this, it's going to change the way that they think about their own problem solving.
25
And problem solving is something that we need all lifelong.
26
So I have a colleague who has passed, but he was at Harvard and his name is Gene Cohn.
27
He had a PhD MD.
28
And he, every week on Wednesdays, he would pick up his parents who were in their 90s from the train station.
29
He would pick them up there.
30
help them with their walkers into his car, drive them to his house where they would eat dinner, and then he would drive them home afterwards one day this
31
brilliant son was late his parents come up to the platform
32
dumping snow they're looking around didn't have a cell phone with
33
them they look over they see a pizza place they carefully walk to the pizza place
34
and they say you know we'd like to order a pizza
35
and Thank you and we'd like to have it delivered to our son's house.
36
And when you do, we'd like to ride along with that pizza in the car.
37
Oh my goodness, what a great solution.
38
He gets home, his parents are there with a hot dinner ready to go.
39
But if we didn't understand that we can come up with solutions
40
that are not necessarily tech and we need to listen long enough to so people who are ahead of us,
41
that older people come up with.
42
And so often they have great solutions that we wouldn't even come up with because we're not there yet.
43
So look forward to and embrace the benefits that come with age.
44
Yes.
45
I love that example.
46
I think, you know, person and food delivery simultaneously, what a great idea.
47
Thank you for that.
48
Yeah.
49
You, in your book, provide several examples of how we can cultivate joy in our life.
50
The one that stood out the most to me and that I've enjoyed doing the most is Give of the Day.
51
Can you explain this activity and share how it works?
52
Yes.
53
So because we know that giving really impacts the quality of our long lives, not to mention benefits others,
54
the same way that we do the physical strength kinds of things.
55
So when people say like, at what age should I start working on my joy span?
56
I say, well, at what age do you think you should start on your cardiovascular health as early as possible?
57
And what makes your life better between the ages of 23 and 24 also are the same of 93 and 94.
58
So it's never too early and it's never too late.
59
You can think of it almost like the way that you lift a weight and you're just doing one, you know, a few day,
60
having that ability to look at your day and look for opportunities to give of yourself and that they're small.
61
And so in the purpose literature,
62
Stephen Cole at UCLA did a study and he looked at the epigenetics of purpose or giving or contribution.
63
And what he found is all variables depression,
64
in inflammation, in antiviral load.
65
And it was so robust that he went right before, I think at around the same time it was published, they did a piece in the New York Times about it.
66
And he's like, Wow.
67
So giving makes a difference.
68
So give it a day is proactively take a moment, maybe when you're having coffee, maybe when you have a little bit of downtime to think,
69
what is something I can find today?
70
And I'm going to give you some examples.
71
You might look in your backyard and you see that there are lemons back there.
72
Pick them, put them in a bag, go next door to your next door neighbor.
73
Tiny.
74
That takes two seconds, whether they need lemons or not.
75
And that helps with social connection.
76
see a mother or father wrestling with all these children you could say I Could I help for a minute?
77
It's little tiny things, mentoring, listening.
78
I mean, sometimes just taking the time to think I'm going to be fully present in my listening is the greatest give
79
that we can give.
80
But it doesn't just happen and it's not just the big moments.
81
It's the little moments too.
82
And when we think about giving, there is another part of the equation because it does feel good to give and we know about the giver's high.
83
Thank you.
84
If everybody is just giving, we have a, we don't have the other part, which is the receiving.
85
And so something that we need to also learn is how to receive.
86
And so that when somebody offers like, oh, your wife is sick, could I bring over dinner?
87
We want to say, oh, no, no, I got it.
88
But instead to go, thank you, to let, and people say, I'll be happy in longevity as long as I'm independent.
89
because I know what the path looks like.
90
So I like to think the reality is that we are interdependent.
91
We never really were entirely independent.
92
And we certainly, if we're holding our independence out as the goal, that's a little bit rougher than saying,
93
I'm going to give and also receive.
94
I love the activity and I really appreciate you calling it out.
95
I know that in my father's life, my father has passed, but his ability to accept help,
96
there was a fundamental transition when he began to accept it versus fighting it.
97
And thank you for highlighting both sides of that equation.
98
I want to turn our attention to communication and part of it, I want to look at your communication,
99
not yours, but ours, and I'd love to get your advice.
100
Many of us find ourselves needing to have very difficult conversations around aging.
101
you be it talking with people about stopping driving cars, moving into assisted living, other situations.
102
What advice and guidance do you have to help those of us who need to initiate those conversations
103
or perhaps those who are receiving that conversation?
104
What can we do to help make that happen? better and less angst and conflict filled.
105
I'm so glad you asked that because it is the question that comes up every day.
106
Yeah.
107
And I will start with what not to do, because this is how it goes when you're a gerontologist.
108
I now will pretend that you are the 90 year old father and I am your adult daughter at age 60.
109
I'm concerned about something.
110
And so what I do is I go in hot.
111
Right.
112
And I use the only model that I know, which is parenting.
113
So this parenting the parent or role reversal It's not a good model because as adults,
114
you as the father, you know, You're not a child and you don't want to be parented.
115
The reality of aging is on the one hand, there is safety. So.
116
Younger people are all about safe.
117
This isn't safe.
118
Safety, safety, safety.
119
But it's not that that's not the whole picture.
120
If you look on the other end, it's autonomy.
121
Autonomy is one of the development or drivers of growing older.
122
And so by going in hot that I, the adult daughter, I'm going to fix your problem.
123
I'm taking away your autonomy and you, of course, your natural reaction is, you're going to be a little bit back off.
124
I got this.
125
I don't need any help because I've threatened you.
126
So please, adult children, don't go in hot.
127
And I can say this because I've done the same thing.
128
My mom was in the hospital for months.
129
I thought I was being so terrific.
130
I got a hospital bed downstairs so she didn't have to go up the stairs, but I didn't ask her.
131
So she got home and she was sick to see this So I do it wrong a lot.
132
And so that's why I can say, so how do you do it right?
133
Okay, let's say the conversation, is around driving.
134
Please throw out this thing as, when do I take away the keys?
135
I mean, that right there is the biggest red flag.
136
So everyone who's having that thought, please put it away.
137
Step one, just like in all communication, as you well know, is to close your mouth and to listen.
138
Because then the person is not going to feel like you're coming after their autonomy
139
or their personhood or that you're thinking they're less than.
140
So it would be.
141
A series, not just one, not this big sit down, little conversations where you go, oh, you know, you're hearing,
142
let's say, your father driving and he was somewhere.
143
You know, you're just talking maybe about driving.
144
Right.
145
So you're not going after them in any way.
146
And then maybe in my case with my mom, she was having more nicks on her car.
147
right so i didn't go in
148
and go mom yeah oh my gosh this isn't safe you know you could kill someone look at
149
that i learned to shut my mouth and say yeah Tell me more about how driving is feeling.
150
And then she's looking for you to see if you're coming after her.
151
Maybe that's enough for the conversation one.
152
Maybe the next conversation, are there parts to it that are getting hard or are you doing fine?
153
And then sometimes we can say like, oh.
154
I really like, Mom, how we can talk about these things, because I know some other families, it's such contention.
155
But look at us, we're just talking, because I really value you and your decision making and your problem solving.
156
How did you, for example, like with your mom, what was that like?
157
Right.
158
So you're putting the person as they should be.
159
As the, it's their life and they're ahead of you.
160
And yes, you have concerns because you love them and, and you don't want rough things to happen.
161
Another one is like a house.
162
This is a personal example.
163
My mom's house has treacherous stairs and then the most hard marble or something at the bottom.
164
And so my older sister said, oh.
165
Mom's going to fall down the stairs and break her neck.
166
You can't let her live here by yourself.
167
I can't believe you're a gerontologist and you let her do that.
168
So I did hold that a bit, but then I did this advice of communication of,
169
in a calm way, having conversations with my mom of saying, how do you feel on the stairs next time?
170
Like what would happen if he would fall?
171
Do you ever think about that?
172
And my mom, because she doesn't have cognitive impairment, we can especially have.
173
Sure.
174
She said, you know something, Carrie, it is critically important for me to live in my house.
175
And I want to tell you something.
176
I probably ultimately will fall someday.
177
And I know for sure I am going to die someday.
178
So I want you to know in advance, you didn't do anything wrong.
179
If you find me bloody on the floor, you know, that you enabled me to do what I wanted.
180
Wow.
181
Your mom's.
182
Not the case of everybody, but in that conversation.
183
And I said, oh gosh, mom, you should talk to my sister too, and to my brother and to all.
184
So we had all these conversations because aging is a time of greater heterogeneity than any other time.
185
Everybody's path is different.
186
Everybody's family is different.
187
Everybody, but the one, the result that's the same doesn't mean that you did it wrong.
188
And so some of these families that I work with where they're just bubble wrapping the person into misery, I think maybe you didn't have the conversations.
189
What a powerful image there.
190
So many things that you said there that I want to highlight.
191
But first, these conversations aren't just with the person who might be older, it's also with the others who to help take care of them.
192
And you have to coordinate that.
193
And I think a lot of your advice that you gave also applies to those conversations as well.
194
Start with inquiry.
195
understand that the conversation might be about a bigger issue than you think.
196
So it's not about the car keys, it's about autonomy.
197
And, break the conversation down into pieces.
198
It doesn't all have to happen at once.
199
And engaged the other person in the conversation.
200
Wonderful advice.
201
- And you will disagree.
202
And that's the part to it too, is that, so then you're trying to really think through to what extent is it their life?
203
And we let people do, what they want to do, even if we don't agree.
204
Or then you put in the complicating, sometimes there's cognitive impairment.
205
And that really complicates things because would they have chosen a different path if they didn't have some cognitive change?
206
So I'm not saying it's easy.
207
But I'm saying the more you dig in, the more transparent, the more multiple conversations with other family members, the better.
208
Absolutely, absolutely.
209
I want to talk very briefly about your approach to explaining these things.
210
You have a wonderful way of helping people understand very complex and in some cases, highly emotional issues.
211
You use storytelling, you use exemplars, you use very vivid images.
212
How do you think about making complex information more accessible to people?
213
Because in a large part, that's what you do.
214
How do you how do you think through that process?
215
Because all of us in our lives have complex things we have to explain.
216
I have.
217
not a diagnosis of ADHD when I was younger and needed it.
218
But I just fumbled through thinking, why can I not pace very close attention?
219
And so I have a shorter attention span and I want to get to the point of quickly.
220
And so my hope was that I would write a book that you could get to the point, like, what do I need to do here to make my life okay?
221
Because I'm scared about growing older.
222
So I just tried to write what I would want to read.
223
And so in that regards, I think maybe the ADHD helped me.
224
So in some ways, you know, and I feel the same way in the book, the books I write is, And I like how you use examples,
225
you reinforce, you have catchy phrases, you use quotes, you give activities.
226
All of those are ways to revisit the same point to really help.
227
And I think all of us in the complexities that we have to describe and explain can benefit.
228
Well, there you have it.
229
So many useful tools and tips from Keri Burnwright.
230
Please be sure to check out our full episode with Keri and give her book Joy Span a read.
231
Thank you for tuning in to this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.
232
was produced by Katherine Reid, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.
233
Our music is from Floyd Wonder, with special thanks to Podium Podcast Company.
234
Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
235
Be sure to subscribe and rate us.
236
Also follow us on LinkedIn, TikTok, and Instagram.
237
And check out FasterSmarter .io for deep dive videos, English language learning content, and our newsletter.
238
please consider joining our Think Fast, Talk Smart Learning Community at fastersmarter .io /learning.
239
You'll find video lessons, learning quests, discussion boards, an AI coach, and book club opportunities.
240
Again, that's fastersmarter .io /learning.
241
Become part of our Think Fast, Talk Smart Learning Community.
📺 Aynı Kanal
B21
Talk Back: Why Arguing With Yourself Can Help You Flourish
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Quick Thinks: Network Smarter and Make Better Connections
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Communication Has An INVISIBLE Layer And It Is Hiding In Plain Sight!
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
The Leadership Skills We’ll Need Most When Everything Is Changing: Me2We 2026
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
Trust the Process: How to Design Teams That Actually Work
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B1What 300 Episodes Has Taught Us
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
Why Every Question Is A Gift
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2Quick Thinks: A CLEAR Way Through Conflict
B23
Shark Tank's Daniel Lubetzky: The Pitch Mistake That Loses Investors
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C11
A Matter of Meaning: What Other People Teach You About Your Communication
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Don't Lose the Room: How to Make Ideas Stick
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
The First 5 Seconds: How to Start a Speech the Moment All Eyes Suddenly Turn to You | AMA
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
Ask Matt Anything: Don’t Let Your Communication Fizzle at the Finish
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C14
The Respect Effect: What Stereotype Threat Teaches Us About Communication
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B27
3 Techniques for Managing Speaking Anxiety
Business EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
B23
Message Market Fit: Turning Great Ideas Into Communication That Lands
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C115
Future You: Unconventional Ways in which Your Future Self Benefits You
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Communicating the Future: Defining Where We Want AI To Take Us
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C11
Ask Matt Anything: Authenticity, Anxiety, and Answering Well
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
Happiness And Time Management: Time Track Your Day For A Happier Life
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
✨ Video Öner
B22
48 cümleler
Celeste Headlee - 10 ways to have a better conversation (Condensed Talk)
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B2547 cümleler
Aging Like a Fine Wine | British English Podcast
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2312 cümleler
Asking 20 and 30 Year Olds About Their Biggest Regrets in Life
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23
96 cümleler
Think faster and speak 🗣️
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
979 cümleler
A Longer Life Isn't a Better One — Iman Hasan on Longevity and the Optimization Trap
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21,106
32 cümleler
🎧Listening English Podcast - IELTS Speaking PART 2-3 Band 6.5+ & Topic: COMMUNICATION
IELTS PrepBusiness EnglishDaily Conversation
B21
22 cümleler
Think Fast, Talk Smart in Any Situation | Matt Abrahams
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2273 cümleler
I’m 53. These Tiny Habits Help Me Look and Feel Younger
Business EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
B24
178 cümleler
"Give me 13 Minutes, and I'll Improve Your Communication Skills by 88%..." - Jim Rohn
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B11
16 cümleler
Life Lesson from a 96-YEAR-OLD.
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “Quick Thinks: How to Have Better Conversations About Aging” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 241 cümle ve 2864 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 17:51 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 160 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %87’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| autonomy isim | /ɔˈtɑ.nə.mi/ | özerklik, otonomi |
| mindset isim | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | düşünce tarzı, zihniyet |
| stairs isim | /ˈstɛɹz/ | basamak, merdiven |
| podcast isim | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | podcast |
| gosh | /ɡɑːʃ/ | Allah Allah, anne |
| equation isim | /ɪˈkweɪ.ʒən/ | denklem |
| lemon isim | /ˈlɛmən/ | limon, cıcık |
| bubble isim | /ˈbʌbəl/ | köpük |
| listener isim | /ˈlɪs(ə)nɚ/ | dinleyici |
| longevity isim | /lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/ | uzun ömürlülük |
| reinforce fiil | /ˌɹiː.ɪnˈfɔːs/ | sağlamlaştırmak, kuvvetlendirmek |
| cardiovascular sıfat | /ˌkɑːdi.əʊˈvæskjʊlə(ɹ)/ | kardiyovasküler |
| neighbour isim | /ˈneɪbɚ/ | komşu |
| inflammation isim | /ɪnfləˈmeɪ̯ʃən/ | enflamasyon, iltihap |
| contention isim | /kənˈtɛnʃən/ | anlaşmazlık, atışma |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| check out fiil | gözden geçirmek | |
| take away fiil | /ˌteɪk əˈweɪ/ | götürmek |
| look forward to fiil | iple çekmek, dört gözle beklemek | |
| sit down fiil | oturmak |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- Don't bubble wrap your communication.
- Can you describe techniques and ways that we can flip that switch?
- Can you explain this activity and share how it works?
- What can we do to help make that happen?
- Do you ever think about that?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | has passed · I've enjoyed · I've threatened |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | people who are · part, which is · those who are |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | is backed · was published · be parented |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı you're, I'm, didn't gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 67 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “th” sesleri: empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, equation /ɪˈkweɪ.ʒən/, inflammation /ɪnfləˈmeɪ̯ʃən/, contention /kənˈtɛnʃən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: autonomy /ɔˈtɑ.nə.mi/, antiviral /æntiˈvaɪɹəl/, empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/, epigenetics /ˌɛpɪd͡ʒəˈnɛtɪks/, proactively /pɹoʊˈæk.tɪv.li/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: equation /ɪˈkweɪ.ʒən/, quiz /kwɪz/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: stairs /ˈstɛɹz/, proactively /pɹoʊˈæk.tɪv.li/, treacherous /ˈtɹɛt͡ʃəɹəs/, newsletter /ˈn(j)uzˌlɛtɚ/, prevalent /ˈpɹɛvələnt/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, wrap /ɹæp/, antiviral /æntiˈvaɪɹəl/, catchy /ˈkæt͡ʃi/, proactively /pɹoʊˈæk.tɪv.li/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; autonomy, mindset, stairs gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.