Prática de Shadowing: Quick Thinks: How to Have Better Conversations About Aging - Aprenda a falar inglês com vídeo
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Be direct, clear, and empathetic.
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Don't bubble wrap your communication.
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My name is Matt Abrahams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business.
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Welcome to this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.
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In my recent conversation with gerontologist Carrie Burnwright, she discussed so many useful approaches and skills that we could not capture them all in one episode.
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So here we provide more of Carrie's especially when we communicate with older people.
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In your book, you have a quiz about your mindset towards aging.
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And I, like I feel many people, have a declining mindset as you define it.
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Can you describe techniques and ways that we can flip that switch?
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Because I would much rather have a positive outlook and reap the benefits from perhaps doing so.
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Yes.
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Well, so you can think of it, your listeners can think of it, there are two options.
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aptly damn.
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And that's the prevalent.
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That is the cultural norm.
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That's our default setting.
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Then there's the growth aging mindset.
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And if you put an E on, it could be game.
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I like it.
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But the growth aging mindset, in fact, is backed by science.
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And I think that's what helps.
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This is not a put your head in the sand thing.
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This is, in fact, knowing that I am going to be able to, for example, solve problems.
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And I want to give you an example of it, because if people know this, it's going to change the way that they think about their own problem solving.
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And problem solving is something that we need all lifelong.
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So I have a colleague who has passed, but he was at Harvard and his name is Gene Cohn.
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He had a PhD MD.
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And he, every week on Wednesdays, he would pick up his parents who were in their 90s from the train station.
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He would pick them up there.
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help them with their walkers into his car, drive them to his house where they would eat dinner, and then he would drive them home afterwards one day this
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brilliant son was late his parents come up to the platform
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dumping snow they're looking around didn't have a cell phone with
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them they look over they see a pizza place they carefully walk to the pizza place
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and they say you know we'd like to order a pizza
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and Thank you and we'd like to have it delivered to our son's house.
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And when you do, we'd like to ride along with that pizza in the car.
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Oh my goodness, what a great solution.
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He gets home, his parents are there with a hot dinner ready to go.
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But if we didn't understand that we can come up with solutions
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that are not necessarily tech and we need to listen long enough to so people who are ahead of us,
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that older people come up with.
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And so often they have great solutions that we wouldn't even come up with because we're not there yet.
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So look forward to and embrace the benefits that come with age.
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Yes.
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I love that example.
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I think, you know, person and food delivery simultaneously, what a great idea.
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Thank you for that.
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Yeah.
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You, in your book, provide several examples of how we can cultivate joy in our life.
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The one that stood out the most to me and that I've enjoyed doing the most is Give of the Day.
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Can you explain this activity and share how it works?
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Yes.
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So because we know that giving really impacts the quality of our long lives, not to mention benefits others,
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the same way that we do the physical strength kinds of things.
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So when people say like, at what age should I start working on my joy span?
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I say, well, at what age do you think you should start on your cardiovascular health as early as possible?
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And what makes your life better between the ages of 23 and 24 also are the same of 93 and 94.
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So it's never too early and it's never too late.
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You can think of it almost like the way that you lift a weight and you're just doing one, you know, a few day,
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having that ability to look at your day and look for opportunities to give of yourself and that they're small.
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And so in the purpose literature,
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Stephen Cole at UCLA did a study and he looked at the epigenetics of purpose or giving or contribution.
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And what he found is all variables depression,
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in inflammation, in antiviral load.
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And it was so robust that he went right before, I think at around the same time it was published, they did a piece in the New York Times about it.
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And he's like, Wow.
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So giving makes a difference.
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So give it a day is proactively take a moment, maybe when you're having coffee, maybe when you have a little bit of downtime to think,
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what is something I can find today?
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And I'm going to give you some examples.
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You might look in your backyard and you see that there are lemons back there.
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Pick them, put them in a bag, go next door to your next door neighbor.
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Tiny.
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That takes two seconds, whether they need lemons or not.
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And that helps with social connection.
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see a mother or father wrestling with all these children you could say I Could I help for a minute?
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It's little tiny things, mentoring, listening.
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I mean, sometimes just taking the time to think I'm going to be fully present in my listening is the greatest give
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that we can give.
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But it doesn't just happen and it's not just the big moments.
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It's the little moments too.
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And when we think about giving, there is another part of the equation because it does feel good to give and we know about the giver's high.
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Thank you.
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If everybody is just giving, we have a, we don't have the other part, which is the receiving.
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And so something that we need to also learn is how to receive.
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And so that when somebody offers like, oh, your wife is sick, could I bring over dinner?
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We want to say, oh, no, no, I got it.
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But instead to go, thank you, to let, and people say, I'll be happy in longevity as long as I'm independent.
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because I know what the path looks like.
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So I like to think the reality is that we are interdependent.
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We never really were entirely independent.
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And we certainly, if we're holding our independence out as the goal, that's a little bit rougher than saying,
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I'm going to give and also receive.
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I love the activity and I really appreciate you calling it out.
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I know that in my father's life, my father has passed, but his ability to accept help,
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there was a fundamental transition when he began to accept it versus fighting it.
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And thank you for highlighting both sides of that equation.
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I want to turn our attention to communication and part of it, I want to look at your communication,
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not yours, but ours, and I'd love to get your advice.
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Many of us find ourselves needing to have very difficult conversations around aging.
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you be it talking with people about stopping driving cars, moving into assisted living, other situations.
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What advice and guidance do you have to help those of us who need to initiate those conversations
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or perhaps those who are receiving that conversation?
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What can we do to help make that happen? better and less angst and conflict filled.
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I'm so glad you asked that because it is the question that comes up every day.
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Yeah.
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And I will start with what not to do, because this is how it goes when you're a gerontologist.
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I now will pretend that you are the 90 year old father and I am your adult daughter at age 60.
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I'm concerned about something.
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And so what I do is I go in hot.
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Right.
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And I use the only model that I know, which is parenting.
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So this parenting the parent or role reversal It's not a good model because as adults,
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you as the father, you know, You're not a child and you don't want to be parented.
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The reality of aging is on the one hand, there is safety. So.
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Younger people are all about safe.
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This isn't safe.
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Safety, safety, safety.
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But it's not that that's not the whole picture.
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If you look on the other end, it's autonomy.
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Autonomy is one of the development or drivers of growing older.
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And so by going in hot that I, the adult daughter, I'm going to fix your problem.
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I'm taking away your autonomy and you, of course, your natural reaction is, you're going to be a little bit back off.
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I got this.
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I don't need any help because I've threatened you.
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So please, adult children, don't go in hot.
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And I can say this because I've done the same thing.
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My mom was in the hospital for months.
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I thought I was being so terrific.
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I got a hospital bed downstairs so she didn't have to go up the stairs, but I didn't ask her.
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So she got home and she was sick to see this So I do it wrong a lot.
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And so that's why I can say, so how do you do it right?
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Okay, let's say the conversation, is around driving.
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Please throw out this thing as, when do I take away the keys?
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I mean, that right there is the biggest red flag.
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So everyone who's having that thought, please put it away.
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Step one, just like in all communication, as you well know, is to close your mouth and to listen.
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Because then the person is not going to feel like you're coming after their autonomy
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or their personhood or that you're thinking they're less than.
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So it would be.
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A series, not just one, not this big sit down, little conversations where you go, oh, you know, you're hearing,
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let's say, your father driving and he was somewhere.
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You know, you're just talking maybe about driving.
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Right.
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So you're not going after them in any way.
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And then maybe in my case with my mom, she was having more nicks on her car.
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right so i didn't go in
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and go mom yeah oh my gosh this isn't safe you know you could kill someone look at
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that i learned to shut my mouth and say yeah Tell me more about how driving is feeling.
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And then she's looking for you to see if you're coming after her.
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Maybe that's enough for the conversation one.
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Maybe the next conversation, are there parts to it that are getting hard or are you doing fine?
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And then sometimes we can say like, oh.
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I really like, Mom, how we can talk about these things, because I know some other families, it's such contention.
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But look at us, we're just talking, because I really value you and your decision making and your problem solving.
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How did you, for example, like with your mom, what was that like?
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Right.
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So you're putting the person as they should be.
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As the, it's their life and they're ahead of you.
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And yes, you have concerns because you love them and, and you don't want rough things to happen.
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Another one is like a house.
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This is a personal example.
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My mom's house has treacherous stairs and then the most hard marble or something at the bottom.
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And so my older sister said, oh.
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Mom's going to fall down the stairs and break her neck.
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You can't let her live here by yourself.
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I can't believe you're a gerontologist and you let her do that.
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So I did hold that a bit, but then I did this advice of communication of,
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in a calm way, having conversations with my mom of saying, how do you feel on the stairs next time?
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Like what would happen if he would fall?
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Do you ever think about that?
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And my mom, because she doesn't have cognitive impairment, we can especially have.
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Sure.
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She said, you know something, Carrie, it is critically important for me to live in my house.
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And I want to tell you something.
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I probably ultimately will fall someday.
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And I know for sure I am going to die someday.
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So I want you to know in advance, you didn't do anything wrong.
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If you find me bloody on the floor, you know, that you enabled me to do what I wanted.
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Wow.
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Your mom's.
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Not the case of everybody, but in that conversation.
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And I said, oh gosh, mom, you should talk to my sister too, and to my brother and to all.
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So we had all these conversations because aging is a time of greater heterogeneity than any other time.
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Everybody's path is different.
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Everybody's family is different.
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Everybody, but the one, the result that's the same doesn't mean that you did it wrong.
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And so some of these families that I work with where they're just bubble wrapping the person into misery, I think maybe you didn't have the conversations.
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What a powerful image there.
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So many things that you said there that I want to highlight.
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But first, these conversations aren't just with the person who might be older, it's also with the others who to help take care of them.
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And you have to coordinate that.
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And I think a lot of your advice that you gave also applies to those conversations as well.
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Start with inquiry.
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understand that the conversation might be about a bigger issue than you think.
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So it's not about the car keys, it's about autonomy.
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And, break the conversation down into pieces.
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It doesn't all have to happen at once.
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And engaged the other person in the conversation.
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Wonderful advice.
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- And you will disagree.
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And that's the part to it too, is that, so then you're trying to really think through to what extent is it their life?
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And we let people do, what they want to do, even if we don't agree.
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Or then you put in the complicating, sometimes there's cognitive impairment.
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And that really complicates things because would they have chosen a different path if they didn't have some cognitive change?
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So I'm not saying it's easy.
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But I'm saying the more you dig in, the more transparent, the more multiple conversations with other family members, the better.
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Absolutely, absolutely.
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I want to talk very briefly about your approach to explaining these things.
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You have a wonderful way of helping people understand very complex and in some cases, highly emotional issues.
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You use storytelling, you use exemplars, you use very vivid images.
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How do you think about making complex information more accessible to people?
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Because in a large part, that's what you do.
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How do you how do you think through that process?
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Because all of us in our lives have complex things we have to explain.
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I have.
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not a diagnosis of ADHD when I was younger and needed it.
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But I just fumbled through thinking, why can I not pace very close attention?
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And so I have a shorter attention span and I want to get to the point of quickly.
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And so my hope was that I would write a book that you could get to the point, like, what do I need to do here to make my life okay?
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Because I'm scared about growing older.
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So I just tried to write what I would want to read.
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And so in that regards, I think maybe the ADHD helped me.
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So in some ways, you know, and I feel the same way in the book, the books I write is, And I like how you use examples,
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you reinforce, you have catchy phrases, you use quotes, you give activities.
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All of those are ways to revisit the same point to really help.
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And I think all of us in the complexities that we have to describe and explain can benefit.
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Well, there you have it.
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So many useful tools and tips from Keri Burnwright.
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Please be sure to check out our full episode with Keri and give her book Joy Span a read.
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Thank you for tuning in to this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.
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was produced by Katherine Reid, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.
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Our music is from Floyd Wonder, with special thanks to Podium Podcast Company.
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Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
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Be sure to subscribe and rate us.
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Also follow us on LinkedIn, TikTok, and Instagram.
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And check out FasterSmarter .io for deep dive videos, English language learning content, and our newsletter.
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please consider joining our Think Fast, Talk Smart Learning Community at fastersmarter .io /learning.
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You'll find video lessons, learning quests, discussion boards, an AI coach, and book club opportunities.
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Again, that's fastersmarter .io /learning.
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Become part of our Think Fast, Talk Smart Learning Community.
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Sobre Esta Aula
Nesta lição, você vai praticar a comunicação efetiva sobre o envelhecimento, aprendendo a ser direto, claro e empático. Através de exemplos práticos e técnicas abordadas no vídeo, você será capaz de aprimorar suas habilidades de conversação em inglês, especialmente quando se trata de discutir temas delicados como a idade. A ênfase será na prática de conversação em inglês, que ajudará a desenvolver uma mentalidade positiva e fortalece a abordagem ao conversar com pessoas mais velhas.
Vocabulário e Frases Chaves
- Mindset - Mentalidade
- Cultural norm - Norma cultural
- Problem solving - Resolução de problemas
- Growth aging mindset - Mentalidade de crescimento em relação ao envelhecimento
- Empathy - Empatia
- Direct communication - Comunicação direta
- Positive outlook - Perspectiva positiva
- Solutions - Soluções
Dicas de Prática
Para maximizar sua prática, recomendamos que você utilize a técnica de shadowing. Ouça o vídeo e repita as falas imediatamente após ouvi-las, tentando imitar não apenas as palavras, mas também a entonação e o ritmo do falante. As conversas sobre envelhecimento podem ser abordadas de maneira sensível, portanto, preste atenção em como o tom de voz é usado para transmitir empatia e clareza. Essa técnica é especialmente eficaz se você acessar nosso shadowing site para práticas regulares. Lembre-se, ao assistir a vídeos como esse, você pode facilmente aprender inglês com YouTube, absorvendo vocabulários relevantes e melhorando sua fluência através do shadow speech. Pratique com exemplos e interações, buscando sempre contextualizar termos novos em conversas cotidianas.
Gramática neste vídeo
As estruturas que o falante mais usa, com as palavras exatas do vídeo:
| Estrutura | No vídeo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + particípio passado — uma ação passada que ainda importa agora | has passed · I've enjoyed · I've threatened |
| Orações relativas who / which + oração — informação extra sobre uma pessoa ou coisa | people who are · part, which is · those who are |
| Voz passiva be + particípio passado — o foco está no que acontece, não em quem faz | is backed · was published · be parented |
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.