跟读练习: 4 Conversation Habits That Make You Unforgettable (Using Psychology) - 通过视频学习英语口语

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This is how you master the art of conversation, even if you're shy or introverted.

I can't talk to girls.

I don't want to say them.

I know I sound like an idiot.

It gives you an unfair advantage in your career and your relationship.

I was ridiculously shy growing up.

I used to rehearse every line in my head before saying it.

But what I learned is this.

You can't control a conversation with tricks like smiling longer or tilting your head, half of that conversation isn't even yours.

So today I'll share four skills that make your conversation more interesting,

more successful, more meaningful, and the last one can save a relationship you deeply care about.

Let's start with the one that surprised me the most.

The person you just met likes you more than you think.

Psychologists at Cornell, Yale, Harvard paired up strangers and they had them talk to each other.

And afterwards, every person had to answer two questions.

How much did you like the other person?

And how much do you think they liked you?

On that second question, every single one of them consistently gets low.

They underestimated how much others liked them.

The researchers called it the liking gap.

And here's the interesting part.

People later watched the recordings and they could easily tell how much they liked each other.

It was right there on screen.

But during the actual conversation, most guessed it wrong.

Because during the conversation, you're busy watching yourself.

You get too wrapped up in what you should say

and how it will be received by the other person

that you don't notice that the other person's sending clear signals that they like you.

When I was young, I was a total klutz.

I was painfully shy.

I lacked in confidence.

And I was 100 % sure women would not find me attractive or charismatic.

The moment they will get to know me, they'll run away.

So in every conversation, my guard would be up.

I would be so stressed out how am I coming across?

Do I sound stupid?

What should I say next?

Should I be funnier?

Those moments that you're attracted to someone, you stop having a conversation with them and you start having it with yourself.

And we think that they're watching every move of ours,

but psychologists tell us about the spotlight effect.

So at Cornell, students walked into a room wearing a very embarrassing t -shirt and they guessed about half the room would notice.

Only 20 % did.

We're all in our own heads most of the time.

So how do you get out of this trap?

Four moves.

Play.

P -L -A -Y.

P is for projection.

Think about the last great movie that you watched in a movie theater?

Now, were you worried about how you looked sitting in that theater?

Whether there was popcorn on your shirt?

Of course not.

You were completely absorbed in the story.

Well, you can try to do the same in a conversation.

Stop watching yourself.

Get absorbed about the movie that's playing in front of you.

The person you're with.

I ask myself one question.

What's the one thing about this person I don't know?

That changes your nervousness into curiosity.

Now, L is for liked.

Now, we talked about it, the liking gap.

Remember, the other person likes you way more than you think.

So, don't walk into a conversation assuming rejection.

Give them a chance.

I wish I knew that when I was in my 20s.

A is for allow.

Allow yourself to be seen.

When you rehearse lines before meeting someone new, on a date or interview, it can actually make you more nervous, not less.

You should note the key themes, of course, that you want to cover, but allow room for who you are.

Nowadays I always tell myself, if they don't like my face, well that's the only one I've got.

And Y is for yes.

Say yes to your nervousness.

Don't fight it.

Your heart races when you're nervous and it races when you're excited.

So why not call it excitement?

I've been performing on stage since I was a teenager.

And even today.

I can feel my heart thumping before I get on.

I tell myself, yeah, this is exciting.

And get on with it.

And here's the reason why I called the first skill play.

Because you can plan all day long about what you're going to say, but you can't plan what they're going to say back.

Think of any conversation like a tennis match.

You hit the ball, see what comes back, and respond.

the magic is in that back and forth

and the secret of a great rally is knowing what to

do with whatever comes back the difference between a boring conversation and a fascinating one

is what you ask next i call this skill stones

and seeds some questions are like stones they land with a thud and go nowhere.

Some are seeds.

They grow into stories.

Here's an example.

You meet someone at a dinner party and you ask, what do you do?

Oh, I'm an accountant.

Oh, cool.

Where do you work?

Manhattan.

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Oh, um, yeah.

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Okay.

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Uh, have you worked there long?

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Four years.

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That's a conversation full of stones.

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It goes nowhere.

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Now let's try it again with a seed.

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What do you do?

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Oh, I'm an accountant.

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Oh, cool.

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Did you always want to be an accountant?

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Actually, no. I wanted to start my own company.

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Really?

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What kind of company?

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It's a long story.

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So when I was little, now you're off.

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Whatever she will say next is a story only she can tell.

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You heard something unexpected, it, you picked up that thread and followed it.

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That's improvisation.

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And sometimes you can even start with the seed itself.

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You don't have to say, what do you do all the time?

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You can try something like, hi, what's been the most interesting part of your week?

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Harvard University researchers studied conversations during real speed dates.

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And people who asked more questions were better liked.

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Well, that makes sense.

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But the real advantage came from follow -up questions.

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People ask follow -up questions were more likely to get a second date.

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I wish I knew that when I was in my 20s.

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But all kidding aside, a follow -up tells the other person you heard them and you want more.

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And sometimes the most important seed is the one nobody plants.

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Growing up, my dad and I didn't get along.

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Some of you may have heard already, I've talked about this.

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He was physically abusive.

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And now that I've had some distance from my past,

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I think he may have suffered from mental health issues and wasn't able to talk about it to anyone,

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wasn't able to ask for help.

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Anyway, so I ran away from home as a teenager, was homeless for a little bit, ended up training as a monk.

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And years later, I had settled down in Boston,

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And my dad came to visit me and my fiancé, now my wife.

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And it was very interesting.

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I could see how proud he was that I had landed on my feet.

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He loved our home.

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We never talked a lot, but we had some occasional conversations.

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I don't think we ever became friends.

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But I was able to see that vulnerable human being behind the father figure that weighed so heavily in my life.

145

You know, he was just like any of us trying to find his way home.

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And on his way back to Mumbai at the airport,

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he took my hand gently and kissed it and said, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations.

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He said it three times.

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And he said, I'm so proud of you.

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And that was the last time I saw him.

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When he passed away, I wish somebody had asked me gently,

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hey, tell me about your dad.

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You know, that would have been such an amazing seed

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because I would have talked about him for hours about how a.. deeply flawed man who was lost all his life,

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found his way back home toward the end.

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That would have been a great conversation.

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I would have loved to have that conversation with someone, with anyone.

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That's the power of seeds.

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Some seeds can grow a tree and some can heal the withering ones.

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This is where AI can help you nurture those seeds with an automation tool like Zapier.

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They're sponsoring this part of the video

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because I wanted to show you how I keep track of what people share with me.

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Zapier has this thing called MCP.

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It's just a fancy word for a gateway that connects your AI agents to the apps that you use.

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So you're not limited to that prompt window.

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You go to Zapier, you connect it within minutes and you do it only once.

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You choose which apps you wanna connect to and give AI all the permissions you need.

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I am turning on Google Calendar, Google Docs, and my Gmail.

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And that's it.

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You're done.

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I keep a simple Google Doc for my people notes.

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So after a conversation, I would type something like, Taylor's piano recital is on November 10th.

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Draft and send an email wishing her good luck on the 9th add it to my people notes,

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and put a reminder in Google Calendar to ask her how it went when I see her on the 15th.

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So you see, the seed is planted and the reminder shows up right when it matters.

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Now on to the third skill.

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You can ask beautiful questions all evening and still leave them knowing nothing about you.

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We have covered how to draw people in.

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Let's talk about how to let them in.

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few movie stars have become more recognizable around the world than Sylvester Stallone.

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Rocky, Rambo, The Expendables, he's been the action hero of a generation for almost 50 years now.

182

But we found out recently, you can be known by millions and still struggle to let someone truly know you.

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In a recent interview that I saw about his memoir,

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he talks about his incredibly rough childhood and a very flawed,

185

complex relationship with both his parents.

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And for his entire life, he had locked all those painful memories away.

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He even called his famous physique his armor

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and in one of the most heartbreaking moments he confessed

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that he didn't really figure out true love until he was around 70.

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Stallone was one of the most recognized stranger we knew nothing about.

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So it's so important that you let someone in.

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When you do you can follow one simple rule

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You can be personal, not private.

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Personal is what you care about, what you've been learning recently, what mistakes you've been making, things that you can laugh about,

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something that surprised you this week.

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When you share all that openly, people relate to you.

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And private is what you share with a few trusted ones.

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It starts with how you answer the simplest questions.

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Do you like traveling?

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Yeah, I love it.

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Or you can say, yeah, I love it.

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The trips I love the most are the ones with no fixed plan.

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I want surprises to come my way.

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Now they know something about you.

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You've opened the door to let someone in.

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Think of yourself as a house with three emotional rooms.

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The porch is where the superficial facts live.

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Everyone can know your job, your favorite sports team.

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But the second room is your living room.

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That's your personal space.

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This is where real conversations happen.

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And then there's the bedroom.

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That's your private space.

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It's for the few people who become close to you.

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So that's the progression.

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Stallone kept everyone on the porch for almost 70 years of his life.

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You don't have to.

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And now the final skill that can make or break any conversation.

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You can win an argument and lose a relationship.

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Lose the argument, keep the relationship.

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researchers recorded 112 visits between doctors and patients.

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Only about a third of the patients got to explaining why they had come in.

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And even then, The doctors jumped in about 11 seconds after the patient started talking.

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And that's the habit.

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We all tend to do that because we're very good at solving things.

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And I used to do this at work.

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Someone starts explaining and halfway through, I've already decided what the solution is going to be.

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But that's not the right way of having a meaningful conversation.

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I think of conversations as having three purposes.

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One, fix the other person wants a solution.

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They want to fix a problem.

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That's why they're talking to you.

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Two, figure out.

234

They want to explore it with you.

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Think it out loud.

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And three, feel.

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They just want to be heard.

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So for example, your partner says, I don't think I like my job.

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If it's a fixed conversation, they want help.

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They want to solve the problem.

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They want to find a new job.

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If it's a figure conversation, they're still trying to decide where they fall, what to do next.

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And if it's a feel conversation, they just need someone to hear how hard their work has been lately.

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So your job changes in each of those conversations.

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If you diagnose it wrong, it becomes a hard conversation to recover from.

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Let's find you a new job.

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I can't just find a new job.

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You're not listening.

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So just ask, do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?

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There's something to it.

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Now, this skill is harder when you are the problem.

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Your partner says, you never listen to me, and your instinct is to immediately defend yourself.

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Never?

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What do you mean never?

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We just talked for two hours yesterday.

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The first step is to not become defensive about it.

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My biggest lesson here comes from negotiation experts, Roger Fisher and William Urey.

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They wrote a book, Getting to Yes, and they talk about looking past what someone is saying and get to what they're actually worried about.

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What's causing that behavior?

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Hey, I didn't hear from you all weekend.

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You know, that may sound like a complaint or even an accusation, but maybe the worry underneath might be, I missed you.

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Then the second step is to create safety so the other person doesn't feel defensive about it.

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Talk about the observation and not the person.

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If you say, hey, you missed the deadline.

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Okay, that's a problem, but you can talk about it you can recover from it.

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If instead you say you're so irresponsible, that's hard to recover from.

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And third, one argument, one issue.

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In the middle of the dishwashing argument, if you start arguing about your mother -in -law, it will never end well.

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So try to stay on the core topic.

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And now both of you have enough room to think together.

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Every time I have hung in there just a little bit more and stayed open to hear the other person's perspective,

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it has completely deflated the pressure of a hard conversation.

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The hardest moment in any conversation is when you're hurt and sure you're right.

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That's when the most powerful thing you can say is, can you please help me understand?

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Because the person across from you matters more than winning this round.

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And this is why this fourth skill is so important, because a great conversation can change your life, literally.

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Years ago, I missed a train and met a complete stranger on the platform.

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And that single conversation changed my life.

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We started a band together, we made music together, we traveled the world.

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So your life and your relationship with someone you love is one never -ending conversation.

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There is a song in Hindi that I think about a lot.

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The lyrics can roughly be translated as one long melody of love flowing like the waves that rise and fall.

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that's life.

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It's nothing more than a story that you and I share together.

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Thank you and I love you.

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本课的词汇与口语要点

这节口语课以视频“4 Conversation Habits That Make You Unforgettable”为素材。这段视频共有 285 个句子、2705 个单词可供跟读。讲话部分时长为 19:36。说话人语速平稳，每分钟约 138 个词，很适合跟读。 85% 的单词属于英语最常用的 3,000 词，其余的词建议在练习前先学一下。

视频中的重点词汇

视频中 15 个值得学习的单词，附发音和释义：

单词	发音	释义
skill 名词	/skɪl/	技巧, 技能
seed 名词	/siːd/	種子 /种子, 種 /种
congratulations	/kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/	恭喜, 恭喜恭喜
connect 动词	/kəˈnɛkt/	連接 /连接
recover 动词	/ɹɪˈkʌvɚ/	追回, 收复
researcher 名词	/ˈɹiˌsɝ.t͡ʃɚ/	研究員 /研究员, 研究者
accountant 名词	/əˈkaʊn.tənt/	會計 /会计, 會計師 /会计师
deeply 副词	/ˈdi(ː)pli/	深, 深深
solve 动词	/sɒlv/	解決 /解决
nowhere 副词	/ˈnoʊ.(h)wɛɹ/	無處 /无处
theater 名词	/ˈθi(ə)tɚ/	劇場 /剧场, 劇院 /剧院
meaningful 形容词	/ˈmiː.nɪŋ.fl̩/	有意義 /有意义
reminder 名词	/ɹɪˈmaɪndə(ɹ)/	提醒物, 提醒
teenager 名词	/ˈtiːnˌeɪ̯d͡ʒə/	少年, 青少年
porch 名词	/pɔɹt͡ʃ/	門廊 /门廊, 玄關 /玄关

值得反复跟读的句子

视频中简短而完整的句子，可以直接用在日常对话里：

How much did you like the other person?
What should I say next?
Whether there was popcorn on your shirt?
What's the one thing about this person I don't know?
Did you always want to be an accountant?

视频中的语法

说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：

结构	视频中的用法
现在完成进行时 have/has been + -ing — 以前开始、现在仍在继续的动作	I've been performing · you've been learning
“used to” used to + 动词 — 过去的习惯或状态，现在已不再如此	used to rehearse · used to do
现在完成时 have/has + 过去分词 — 过去发生但与现在仍有关联的事	what's been · I've talked · I've had
被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的	will be received · be seen · was lost

需要注意的发音

说话人用了 57 次缩略和弱读形式，例如 you're, don't, they're。请按听到的简短形式来说。

“th” 音: theater /ˈθi(ə)tɚ/, thread /ˈθɹɛd/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, thud /ˈθʌd/, thump /θʌmp/
“sh” 和 “zh” 音: congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, observation /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/, occasional /əˈkeɪʒ(ə)nəl/, progression /pɹəˈɡɹɛʃən/, rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/
长单词——注意重音位置: congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, psychologist /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, unexpected /ʌnɪkˈspɛktɪd/

中文母语者容易读错的音：

/v/ — 不要读成 /w/，上齿轻触下唇: recover /ɹɪˈkʌvɚ/, solve /sɒlv/, defensive /dɪˈfɛn.sɪv/, vulnerable /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/, observation /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/
词尾辅音 — 要读清楚，后面不要加元音: seed /siːd/, congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, connect /kəˈnɛkt/, accountant /əˈkaʊn.tənt/, solve /sɒlv/
/r/ 和 /l/ 的区别: congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, roughly /ˈɹʌf.li/, lyrics /ˈlɪɹ.ɪks/, rally /ˈɹæli/

如何用这段视频练习

先完整听一遍视频，不要开口，记下不认识的单词。
用正常速度逐句跟读，每句重复到你的节奏与说话人一致为止。
录下自己的声音并与原声对比，特别注意 skill, seed, congratulations 这类单词。

什么是跟读法？

跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟读法: 阅读完整分步指南 →

跟读练习: 4 Conversation Habits That Make You Unforgettable (Using Psychology) - 通过视频学习英语口语

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