Pratique du Shadowing: 4 Conversation Habits That Make You Unforgettable (Using Psychology) - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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285 phrases
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This is how you master the art of conversation, even if you're shy or introverted.
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I can't talk to girls.
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I don't want to say them.
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I know I sound like an idiot.
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It gives you an unfair advantage in your career and your relationship.
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I was ridiculously shy growing up.
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I used to rehearse every line in my head before saying it.
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But what I learned is this.
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You can't control a conversation with tricks like smiling longer or tilting your head, half of that conversation isn't even yours.
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So today I'll share four skills that make your conversation more interesting,
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more successful, more meaningful, and the last one can save a relationship you deeply care about.
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Let's start with the one that surprised me the most.
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The person you just met likes you more than you think.
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Psychologists at Cornell, Yale, Harvard paired up strangers and they had them talk to each other.
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And afterwards, every person had to answer two questions.
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How much did you like the other person?
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And how much do you think they liked you?
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On that second question, every single one of them consistently gets low.
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They underestimated how much others liked them.
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The researchers called it the liking gap.
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And here's the interesting part.
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People later watched the recordings and they could easily tell how much they liked each other.
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It was right there on screen.
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But during the actual conversation, most guessed it wrong.
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Because during the conversation, you're busy watching yourself.
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You get too wrapped up in what you should say
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and how it will be received by the other person
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that you don't notice that the other person's sending clear signals that they like you.
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When I was young, I was a total klutz.
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I was painfully shy.
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I lacked in confidence.
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And I was 100 % sure women would not find me attractive or charismatic.
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The moment they will get to know me, they'll run away.
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So in every conversation, my guard would be up.
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I would be so stressed out how am I coming across?
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Do I sound stupid?
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What should I say next?
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Should I be funnier?
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Those moments that you're attracted to someone, you stop having a conversation with them and you start having it with yourself.
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And we think that they're watching every move of ours,
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but psychologists tell us about the spotlight effect.
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So at Cornell, students walked into a room wearing a very embarrassing t -shirt and they guessed about half the room would notice.
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Only 20 % did.
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We're all in our own heads most of the time.
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So how do you get out of this trap?
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Four moves.
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Play.
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P -L -A -Y.
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P is for projection.
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Think about the last great movie that you watched in a movie theater?
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Now, were you worried about how you looked sitting in that theater?
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Whether there was popcorn on your shirt?
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Of course not.
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You were completely absorbed in the story.
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Well, you can try to do the same in a conversation.
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Stop watching yourself.
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Get absorbed about the movie that's playing in front of you.
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The person you're with.
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I ask myself one question.
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What's the one thing about this person I don't know?
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That changes your nervousness into curiosity.
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Now, L is for liked.
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Now, we talked about it, the liking gap.
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Remember, the other person likes you way more than you think.
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So, don't walk into a conversation assuming rejection.
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Give them a chance.
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I wish I knew that when I was in my 20s.
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A is for allow.
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Allow yourself to be seen.
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When you rehearse lines before meeting someone new, on a date or interview, it can actually make you more nervous, not less.
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You should note the key themes, of course, that you want to cover, but allow room for who you are.
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Nowadays I always tell myself, if they don't like my face, well that's the only one I've got.
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And Y is for yes.
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Say yes to your nervousness.
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Don't fight it.
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Your heart races when you're nervous and it races when you're excited.
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So why not call it excitement?
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I've been performing on stage since I was a teenager.
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And even today.
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I can feel my heart thumping before I get on.
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I tell myself, yeah, this is exciting.
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And get on with it.
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And here's the reason why I called the first skill play.
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Because you can plan all day long about what you're going to say, but you can't plan what they're going to say back.
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Think of any conversation like a tennis match.
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You hit the ball, see what comes back, and respond.
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the magic is in that back and forth
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and the secret of a great rally is knowing what to
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do with whatever comes back the difference between a boring conversation and a fascinating one
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is what you ask next i call this skill stones
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and seeds some questions are like stones they land with a thud and go nowhere.
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Some are seeds.
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They grow into stories.
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Here's an example.
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You meet someone at a dinner party and you ask, what do you do?
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Oh, I'm an accountant.
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Oh, cool.
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Where do you work?
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Manhattan.
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Oh, um, yeah.
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Okay.
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Uh, have you worked there long?
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Four years.
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That's a conversation full of stones.
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It goes nowhere.
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Now let's try it again with a seed.
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What do you do?
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Oh, I'm an accountant.
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Oh, cool.
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Did you always want to be an accountant?
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Actually, no. I wanted to start my own company.
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Really?
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What kind of company?
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It's a long story.
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So when I was little, now you're off.
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Whatever she will say next is a story only she can tell.
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You heard something unexpected, it, you picked up that thread and followed it.
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That's improvisation.
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And sometimes you can even start with the seed itself.
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You don't have to say, what do you do all the time?
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You can try something like, hi, what's been the most interesting part of your week?
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Harvard University researchers studied conversations during real speed dates.
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And people who asked more questions were better liked.
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Well, that makes sense.
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But the real advantage came from follow -up questions.
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People ask follow -up questions were more likely to get a second date.
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I wish I knew that when I was in my 20s.
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But all kidding aside, a follow -up tells the other person you heard them and you want more.
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And sometimes the most important seed is the one nobody plants.
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Growing up, my dad and I didn't get along.
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Some of you may have heard already, I've talked about this.
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He was physically abusive.
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And now that I've had some distance from my past,
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I think he may have suffered from mental health issues and wasn't able to talk about it to anyone,
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wasn't able to ask for help.
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Anyway, so I ran away from home as a teenager, was homeless for a little bit, ended up training as a monk.
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And years later, I had settled down in Boston,
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And my dad came to visit me and my fiancé, now my wife.
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And it was very interesting.
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I could see how proud he was that I had landed on my feet.
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He loved our home.
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We never talked a lot, but we had some occasional conversations.
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I don't think we ever became friends.
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But I was able to see that vulnerable human being behind the father figure that weighed so heavily in my life.
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You know, he was just like any of us trying to find his way home.
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And on his way back to Mumbai at the airport,
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he took my hand gently and kissed it and said, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations.
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He said it three times.
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And he said, I'm so proud of you.
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And that was the last time I saw him.
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When he passed away, I wish somebody had asked me gently,
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hey, tell me about your dad.
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You know, that would have been such an amazing seed
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because I would have talked about him for hours about how a.. deeply flawed man who was lost all his life,
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found his way back home toward the end.
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That would have been a great conversation.
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I would have loved to have that conversation with someone, with anyone.
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That's the power of seeds.
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Some seeds can grow a tree and some can heal the withering ones.
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This is where AI can help you nurture those seeds with an automation tool like Zapier.
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They're sponsoring this part of the video
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because I wanted to show you how I keep track of what people share with me.
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Zapier has this thing called MCP.
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It's just a fancy word for a gateway that connects your AI agents to the apps that you use.
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So you're not limited to that prompt window.
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You go to Zapier, you connect it within minutes and you do it only once.
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You choose which apps you wanna connect to and give AI all the permissions you need.
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I am turning on Google Calendar, Google Docs, and my Gmail.
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And that's it.
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You're done.
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I keep a simple Google Doc for my people notes.
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So after a conversation, I would type something like, Taylor's piano recital is on November 10th.
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Draft and send an email wishing her good luck on the 9th add it to my people notes,
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and put a reminder in Google Calendar to ask her how it went when I see her on the 15th.
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So you see, the seed is planted and the reminder shows up right when it matters.
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Now on to the third skill.
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You can ask beautiful questions all evening and still leave them knowing nothing about you.
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We have covered how to draw people in.
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Let's talk about how to let them in.
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few movie stars have become more recognizable around the world than Sylvester Stallone.
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Rocky, Rambo, The Expendables, he's been the action hero of a generation for almost 50 years now.
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But we found out recently, you can be known by millions and still struggle to let someone truly know you.
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In a recent interview that I saw about his memoir,
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he talks about his incredibly rough childhood and a very flawed,
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complex relationship with both his parents.
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And for his entire life, he had locked all those painful memories away.
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He even called his famous physique his armor
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and in one of the most heartbreaking moments he confessed
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that he didn't really figure out true love until he was around 70.
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Stallone was one of the most recognized stranger we knew nothing about.
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So it's so important that you let someone in.
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When you do you can follow one simple rule
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You can be personal, not private.
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Personal is what you care about, what you've been learning recently, what mistakes you've been making, things that you can laugh about,
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something that surprised you this week.
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When you share all that openly, people relate to you.
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And private is what you share with a few trusted ones.
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It starts with how you answer the simplest questions.
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Do you like traveling?
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Yeah, I love it.
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Or you can say, yeah, I love it.
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The trips I love the most are the ones with no fixed plan.
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I want surprises to come my way.
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Now they know something about you.
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You've opened the door to let someone in.
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Think of yourself as a house with three emotional rooms.
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The porch is where the superficial facts live.
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Everyone can know your job, your favorite sports team.
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But the second room is your living room.
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That's your personal space.
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This is where real conversations happen.
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And then there's the bedroom.
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That's your private space.
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It's for the few people who become close to you.
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So that's the progression.
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Stallone kept everyone on the porch for almost 70 years of his life.
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You don't have to.
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And now the final skill that can make or break any conversation.
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You can win an argument and lose a relationship.
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Lose the argument, keep the relationship.
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researchers recorded 112 visits between doctors and patients.
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Only about a third of the patients got to explaining why they had come in.
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And even then, The doctors jumped in about 11 seconds after the patient started talking.
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And that's the habit.
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We all tend to do that because we're very good at solving things.
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And I used to do this at work.
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Someone starts explaining and halfway through, I've already decided what the solution is going to be.
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But that's not the right way of having a meaningful conversation.
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I think of conversations as having three purposes.
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One, fix the other person wants a solution.
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They want to fix a problem.
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That's why they're talking to you.
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Two, figure out.
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They want to explore it with you.
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Think it out loud.
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And three, feel.
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They just want to be heard.
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So for example, your partner says, I don't think I like my job.
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If it's a fixed conversation, they want help.
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They want to solve the problem.
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They want to find a new job.
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If it's a figure conversation, they're still trying to decide where they fall, what to do next.
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And if it's a feel conversation, they just need someone to hear how hard their work has been lately.
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So your job changes in each of those conversations.
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If you diagnose it wrong, it becomes a hard conversation to recover from.
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Let's find you a new job.
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I can't just find a new job.
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You're not listening.
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So just ask, do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?
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There's something to it.
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Now, this skill is harder when you are the problem.
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Your partner says, you never listen to me, and your instinct is to immediately defend yourself.
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Never?
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What do you mean never?
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We just talked for two hours yesterday.
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The first step is to not become defensive about it.
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My biggest lesson here comes from negotiation experts, Roger Fisher and William Urey.
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They wrote a book, Getting to Yes, and they talk about looking past what someone is saying and get to what they're actually worried about.
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What's causing that behavior?
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Hey, I didn't hear from you all weekend.
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You know, that may sound like a complaint or even an accusation, but maybe the worry underneath might be, I missed you.
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Then the second step is to create safety so the other person doesn't feel defensive about it.
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Talk about the observation and not the person.
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If you say, hey, you missed the deadline.
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Okay, that's a problem, but you can talk about it you can recover from it.
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If instead you say you're so irresponsible, that's hard to recover from.
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And third, one argument, one issue.
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In the middle of the dishwashing argument, if you start arguing about your mother -in -law, it will never end well.
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So try to stay on the core topic.
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And now both of you have enough room to think together.
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Every time I have hung in there just a little bit more and stayed open to hear the other person's perspective,
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it has completely deflated the pressure of a hard conversation.
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The hardest moment in any conversation is when you're hurt and sure you're right.
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That's when the most powerful thing you can say is, can you please help me understand?
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Because the person across from you matters more than winning this round.
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And this is why this fourth skill is so important, because a great conversation can change your life, literally.
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Years ago, I missed a train and met a complete stranger on the platform.
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And that single conversation changed my life.
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We started a band together, we made music together, we traveled the world.
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So your life and your relationship with someone you love is one never -ending conversation.
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There is a song in Hindi that I think about a lot.
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The lyrics can roughly be translated as one long melody of love flowing like the waves that rise and fall.
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that's life.
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It's nothing more than a story that you and I share together.
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Thank you and I love you.
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette leçon d’expression orale s’appuie sur la vidéo « 4 Conversation Habits That Make You Unforgettable ». Cette vidéo contient 285 phrases et 2705 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 19:36. Le locuteur parle à un rythme régulier d’environ 138 mots par minute, confortable pour le shadowing. 85 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais ; le reste mérite d’être vu avant de commencer.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
15 mots de la vidéo à retenir, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| skill nom | /skɪl/ | habileté, compétence |
| seed nom | /siːd/ | semence, graine |
| congratulations | /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/ | félicitations |
| connect verbe | /kəˈnɛkt/ | accoupler, connecter |
| recover verbe | /ɹɪˈkʌvɚ/ | recouvrer |
| researcher nom | /ˈɹiˌsɝ.t͡ʃɚ/ | chercheur, chercheuse |
| accountant nom | /əˈkaʊn.tənt/ | comptable |
| deeply adverbe | /ˈdi(ː)pli/ | profondément |
| solve verbe | /sɒlv/ | résoudre, régler |
| nowhere adverbe | /ˈnoʊ.(h)wɛɹ/ | nulle part |
| defensive adjectif | /dɪˈfɛn.sɪv/ | défensif, defendant |
| theater nom | /ˈθi(ə)tɚ/ | théâtre |
| meaningful adjectif | /ˈmiː.nɪŋ.fl̩/ | significatif, qui a du sens |
| reminder nom | /ɹɪˈmaɪndə(ɹ)/ | rappel |
| teenager nom | /ˈtiːnˌeɪ̯d͡ʒə/ | adolescent, adolescente |
Des phrases à répéter
Des phrases courtes et complètes de la vidéo, à réutiliser dans la conversation de tous les jours :
- How much did you like the other person?
- What should I say next?
- Whether there was popcorn on your shirt?
- What's the one thing about this person I don't know?
- Did you always want to be an accountant?
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continu have/has been + -ing — une action commencée avant et toujours en cours | I've been performing · you've been learning |
| « Used to » used to + verbe — une habitude ou un état passé qui n’est plus vrai | used to rehearse · used to do |
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | what's been · I've talked · I've had |
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | will be received · were completely absorbed · be seen |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 57 contractions et formes réduites, comme you're, don't, they're. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « th »: theater /ˈθi(ə)tɚ/, thread /ˈθɹɛd/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, thud /ˈθʌd/, thump /θʌmp/
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, observation /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/, occasional /əˈkeɪʒ(ə)nəl/, progression /pɹəˈɡɹɛʃən/, rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, psychologist /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, unexpected /ʌnɪkˈspɛktɪd/
Les sons difficiles pour les francophones :
- /h/ — il se souffle, il n’est pas muet: nowhere /ˈnoʊ.(h)wɛɹ/, habit /ˈhæb.ɪt/, heal /ˈhiːl/, hug /hʌɡ/, halfway /ˌhæfˈweɪ/
- /tʃ/ et /dʒ/ — à ne pas adoucir en « ch » et « j »: congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, researcher /ˈɹiˌsɝ.t͡ʃɚ/, teenager /ˈtiːnˌeɪ̯d͡ʒə/, gently /ˈd͡ʒɛntli/, porch /pɔɹt͡ʃ/
- /r/ anglais — langue recourbée, sans frotter la gorge: congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, recover /ɹɪˈkʌvɚ/, researcher /ˈɹiˌsɝ.t͡ʃɚ/, nowhere /ˈnoʊ.(h)wɛɹ/, reminder /ɹɪˈmaɪndə(ɹ)/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Répétez phrase par phrase à vitesse normale, en reprenant chacune jusqu’à ce que votre rythme corresponde à celui du locuteur.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme skill, seed, congratulations.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.