Shadowing Practice: How To Outsmart Negative Thoughts Once And For All - Learn English Speaking with Video

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247 משפטים

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I used to think that being mean to myself was disciplined.

But here's what I discovered after building a multi-million dollar company.

The difference between successful people and everybody else is not that they don't mess up, it's that they have a system for bouncing back in minutes, not months.

So today, I'm going to share with you the exact five-step mental framework that turned my biggest failures into my biggest breakthroughs.

Number one, self-punishment is not discipline.

Let's destroy the biggest lie that high achievers tell themselves.

You think beating yourself up is discipline.

It is actually the enemy of discipline.

Champions don't punish themselves longer.

They recover faster.

This might be hard to picture, but imagine this.

I, six years ago, remember the moment

that I was pacing around my condo at 3 a.m like a freaking caged tiger, okay?

And the reason was I had just lost an enormous deal because I had gotten defensive in a meeting.

So instead of calling that person the next morning, I remember I spent three days just like beating the crap out of myself for what happened.

And then I remember something that changed everything.

I went to dinner with my friend on the third night, and I remember arriving at dinner, and I had that feeling of just like anxiety in my stomach where like I didn't even want to eat, I didn't want to be there,

I just was going to the dinner because it had been scheduled.

And I'm explaining to her what I did, how I messed up in the situation, how I felt ridiculous because I'd lost the $30 million deal, and I felt terrible for screwing up.

And I felt like I deserved to because I knew better than that.

And I remember, I'll never forget, she stopped mid-bite and she goes, so you're telling me that instead of spending the last 72 hours winning that partner back,

you decided to sulk and feel sorry for yourself?

In that moment, I was like, it just tore me out of whatever mental loop I was in because she wasn't wrong.

She was right.

And this is the actual truth, is that self-punishment is the most selfish thing that you can do.

While you are busy having a pity party, the people who needed you to show up, your team, your clients, your partners, your family, are still waiting.

High standards are good, but mental self-harm, it's absolutely useless.

It's not going to drive you forward.

It's not gonna fix anything.

And so the next time that you mess up, ask yourself this, do I want to feel better about this?

Or do I want to get better at this?

Feeling better and getting better are not two in the same.

Number two, shame is not equivalent to accountability.

This brings me to the second framework, which is learning to speak two completely different languages.

Okay, let me explain.

Shame says I'm broken.

Accountability says this is broken.

Let me fix it.

Same situation, completely different outcomes.

I'll give you guys an example of this.

Last month, I completely forgot about a very important call with one of my portfolio companies.

Like very important.

Not delayed.

Not like, oh, I was late.

Just completely forgot.

Never sent it to my assistant.

Never added it to the calendar.

Gone.

Like radio silence.

Five people were sitting on a Zoom meeting waiting for me to come.

I never came.

Old me would have spent a week in the shame spiral.

I'm such an idiot.

I can't handle success.

I can't do anything right.

They probably all hate me.

Everyone's gonna think I'm a loser.

They're gonna think I'm such an a-hole, like whatever.

But new me, after understanding these principle, I immediately shifted into what I call scientist mode.

Okay, what system failed?

Did my calendar not sync?

Why did I not send it to my assistant?

Was I overbooked?

Was it because they texted instead of emailed?

Like how do I prevent this next time?

And so 20 minutes later, I had a new system.

What is my new system?

All important calls.

They get triple confirmed 24 hours prior.

And then I block 30 minutes before every meeting to make sure I prep.

Now, the CEO of that company who was waiting for me and I never came, I told him what happened and he actually really appreciated my honesty.

And we did not miss a beat after that.

We rescheduled the call.

He said, I completely understand.

Every once in a while, it happens.

Like you are human too.

Shame keeps you focused on who you are and attaching yourself to the negative consequences of whatever occurred.

Accountability keeps you focused on what you do.

And so identity, saying it's about me, feels very permanent, whereas actions, saying it's about what I did, feels like it's something I can change.

So the next time you screw up on something, listen to your internal voice.

If it sounds like a prosecutor, then you need to say, hey, maybe I should switch to scientist mode.

Ask what, how, why am I doing this? what occurred, what caused the situation, rather than, you suck, you're awful, you're terrible, you should be punished.

And so that's a great mental switch that I use, is I say, am I being a prosecutor, or am I being a scientist?

And if I'm being a prosecutor, I'm like, gotta switch into scientist mode.

And sometimes what I do that helps me is I'll actually even write it down.

I start writing down what happened, helps me get out of my head, and helps me see things objectively.

The third is the four A's.

Okay, here's the exact four-step system I use every time something goes sideways.

Instead of emotional chaos, you need a reliable process

that you can use in the moments where you feel like things are emotionally heightened.

Okay, think about it like, this is your mental emergency protocol.

And so the four A's stands for acknowledge, analyze, adjust, and advance.

So the first thing we wanna do when we mess up, when something goes sideways, is we acknowledge.

I messed up, not I always mess up or it wasn't that bad.

We're not gonna try and play it up or play it down.

Just the facts.

Guys, there's nothing wrong with you for messing up.

You are a human.

You mess up.

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We all mess up.

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Don't try to make it feel worse.

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Don't try to make it feel better.

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We just want to admit exactly what happened.

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The second piece, analyze.

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What specifically went wrong?

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Was it a lack of preparation?

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Was it the wrong expectations?

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Was it bad timing?

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You want to get very specific with your diagnosis.

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For example, I was speaking with somebody the other day who was having a contentious relationship with their partner.

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And they came to me and they're like, I'm having a hard time understanding what did I do wrong?

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And when we analyze the situation, looking at the argument they were having, I said, I don't think you've actually handled anything wrong throughout the entire relationship.

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I actually think that the expectations set in the beginning of the relationship were what weren't done properly.

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And so it's like, you can do a thousand things right, but there might be one thing, just one step that you didn't do the right way, and that's what's causing the issue.

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And so we want to be really precise because sometimes what people do is they think, oh, it's all of it, it's all of me, I'm a terrible, I'm a failure, everything's wrong.

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You might have just said one wrong thing, you might have just done one wrong thing, might have been one small mistake that led to this.

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That's why we want to be specific and analyze it, so we need to make sure we don't overhaul your entire life for one tiny little decision you made

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that was probably not the best one.

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Which brings me to the next piece, which is the dust.

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This is my favorite question to ask for this.

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What is the minimum viable change?

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Like I said, we don't need to rebuild your whole life.

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We probably don't need to rebuild your whole business, your whole system, your whole anything.

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We just need to patch the leak.

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For example, seven years ago, if my husband were to say, you know, I really don't like when you do that, I'd be like, I suck.

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I need to change my whole personality.

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I'm a terrible, I'm a bad partner.

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And now I'm like, I shouldn't say this, again, you don't like it when I use that word.

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Okay, understood, I won't use that word going forward.

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I'll use a different one.

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And so remember, making it into something bigger than it is doesn't help you anymore than minimizing what happened.

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It brings me to the last point, which is advance.

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Now what?

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What are we gonna do moving forward?

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What are we gonna do with this information?

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Now that we understand exactly, precisely what went wrong, how do we move forward?

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Now what?

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What do we do now?

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What that does is it pulls you out of where a lot of you go and where I used to go, which is like dwelling on the past.

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Like, if I had only done this, if I had just had this happen, if I—because the past is not going to change the future.

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And also, the past does not need to dictate the future.

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So let's just ask ourselves, what are we going to do next?

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And that's going to get your brain looking forward, which is going to get you out of that, like, self-indulgent negative spiral.

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So a good example of this would be I hired somebody

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who turned out to be completely wrong for a role about six months ago.

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And I could have been like, oh my God, our recruiting process is broken, the company's broken, the culture's , everyone who emailed, it's all , right?

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I could do that, which is probably what I would have done 10 years ago.

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But instead, I acknowledged that it happened.

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I said, okay, we rushed the culture fit.

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The people that were going through it, we skipped a step.

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And then we adjusted by adding a team to interview in the next round and then advanced to the next hire.

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And that next person that we used that new process on actually became one of our best employees.

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What I like about the four A's is it forces you to hit the sweet spot.

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Like you have enough reflection that you can learn.

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So the next time something goes wrong, what I want you guys to do is use this method.

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Use the four A's.

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The fourth piece is the 24-hour rule.

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Okay, now let us talk about a skill that separates good from great.

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And I really mean this, guys.

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Like I wish I had understood this 10 years ago, okay?

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Elite performers are not better because they fail less.

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They're better because they recover faster.

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So while you're still processing yesterday's mistake, they are already three plays ahead of you.

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They're already moved on to the next thing.

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I used to think that dwelling on mistakes was noble, and it meant I was a good person.

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Like, I was, like, really learning the lesson, and all these people who moved on were just assholes and didn't care, and they didn't really feel bad for what they did, and, like, I made up all these crazy stories in my head.

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And then I started watching how high performers, the highest performers in my network handled setbacks.

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I remember this.

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My first mentor, He missed a huge opportunity using real estate because he miscalculated market timing.

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And he lost like $2 million in cash within like two days.

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I remember getting on the phone with him, and I was expecting that he was going to be devastated.

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I mean, that is not a small amount of money for anybody.

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He told me, he's like, I'm going to spend 24 hours processing it, figuring out what I did wrong, and then I will move on.

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And he moved on, and a month later, he did the next deal.

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He wasn't beating himself up.

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He wasn't saying, oh, I shouldn't do deals.

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He did the next deal, and he made $40 million.

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And he taught me this, every hour that you spend reliving yesterday is an hour you're not building tomorrow.

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And I remember it stuck with me because I was like, man, I spend too much time reliving yesterday.

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I really do, and it makes me feel bad about myself.

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And I think it's because a lot of us, we've been conditioned to think that suffering equates to learning.

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But the reality is, is that prolonged suffering actually impairs learning by keeping your brain in stress mode.

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And peak performance, people who are always at their highest, they require peak recovery.

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And you can't do that if you're always mentally beating yourself up.

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So this is something that I actually really like to do, which is the next time that you feel bad about something, take this from me, set a timer on your phone, for real.

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Like set a timer, me and Alex actually both do this.

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And I want you to set a 24 hour timer.

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You get 24 hours to feel bad about that mistake.

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I don't care how big it is.

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I don't care if it's like, now you're getting divorced.

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I don't care if it's you lost your job.

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I don't care if it's you get kicked out of your house, 24 freaking hours, process it, learn from it, move the on your future self will thank you for this.

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And the cool part is that I tell you 24 hours, but what I've learned about myself is that it doesn't even take 24 hours anymore.

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Some huge things that will happen might only take me 60 minutes to process.

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Two years ago, I remember a lawsuit got served on my desk, and I was like, oh my gosh, and it was from somebody that I trusted, and it was, the whole thing just felt terrible.

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And I made a decision right there.

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I said, all right, you have 24 hours.

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And I remember thinking to myself, I was like, I don't need 24 hours.

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I know what I need to learn from this, and I wanna move on.

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I wanna figure out what to do next.

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The fifth is what I call the emotional weather check.

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Let's talk about the timing of your decisions.

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When you're emotional, you are essentially drunk on feelings.

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Okay, like that's actually how it is for your brain.

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You would not make major life decisions while you're intoxicated, right?

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At least I hope not.

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So why would you do it when you're angry, when you're scared, when you're desperate, when you're frustrated?

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I like to say this, hot emotions make cold decisions.

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For example, it was about seven years ago and it was after a very hard week.

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I had had a three-day client event and then a three-day team event.

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And I was so exhausted and so mentally drained.

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I remember some drama had occurred on my team and I was ready to fire half the team and pivot the business.

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I was so fed up.

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Everything felt wrong.

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Everything felt broken.

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Everything felt impossible.

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But I remembered that one of my mentors had told me, he said, no major decisions unless you're content.

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And so I waited.

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I was like, okay, I feel like I'm going to feel the same in a couple of days, but it's my rule.

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So I'm going to wait.

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So I waited 24 hours.

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I took the weekend off.

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What do you know?

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I got some sleep, I ate some food, I disconnected, I wasn't so stressed.

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I came back Monday morning and I realized the real problem was not my entire team and it wasn't my business.

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It was that I had been working 80, 90 hours a week and carrying the load for half my leadership team

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and I had realized that when I had been with them all over those few days.

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And so instead of blowing up my company, I said, I think I need a new assistant, two new leaders.

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That's all.

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I just am missing three people in the company.

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And that is the best decision I could have made.

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I didn't need to change my whole business.

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I need to fire everybody there.

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I just needed three new people.

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You see, urgency is usually an illusion.

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That's how you know it's really emotional, is because it feels like it needs to be happening right now.

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You need to do it right now.

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If you feel urgency, stop.

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Rush decisions always lead to mistakes.

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If you feel calm, if you feel content, those are signals that you are probably in a good space to make decisions.

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And so before you make a big decision, you wanna ask yourself, am I calm or am I reacting?

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If you're reacting, if you feel stressed, If you feel tension in your body, if your jaw is tight, if you're holding, if you're clenching, wait.

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The right decision will still be the right decision in 24 to 48 hours, but you will see it more clearly and you will definitely not make the wrong one.

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So here's the truth, and I know you don't wanna hear this, but you're gonna mess up again, probably today, probably tomorrow.

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The question isn't whether you're going to fail, it's whether you'll recover like a champion or suffer like everybody else does.

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These five frameworks have helped me turn my biggest disasters, my biggest negative thoughts, negative feelings into my greatest comebacks.

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And if you want more strategies like this, you can hit subscribe and check out my next video.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How To Outsmart Negative Thoughts Once And For All”. This video has 247 sentences and 3024 words to shadow. The speech runs for 13:23. The speaker talks fast, about 226 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 85% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
analyze verb	/ˈæn.əˌlaɪz/	To subject to analysis.
timer noun	/ˈtaɪmɚ/	A device used to measure amounts of time.
performer noun	/pɚˈfɔɹmɚ/	One who performs for, or entertains, an audience.
accountability noun	/əˌkaʊn.təˈbɪl.ə.ti/	The state of being accountable; liability to be called on to render an account or give an explanation; liability to be held responsible or answerable for…
prosecutor noun	/ˈpɹɑ.səˌkjuːˌtəɹ/	A prosecuting attorney.
acknowledge verb	/əkˈnɑ.lɪd͡ʒ/	To admit the knowledge of; to recognize as a fact or truth; to declare one's belief in.
relive verb	/ɹiːˈlɪv/	To experience (something) again; to live over again.
sideways adverb	/ˈsaɪdweɪz/	With a side to the front.
urgency noun	/ˈɜː.d͡ʒən.si/	The quality or condition of being urgent.
dwell verb	/dwɛl/	To live; to reside.
spiral noun	/ˈspaɪɹəl/	A curve that is the locus of a point that rotates about a fixed point while continuously increasing its distance from that point.
rebuild verb	/ɹiːˈbɪld/	To build again or anew.
mentor noun	/ˈmɛn.tɔː/	A wise and trusted counselor or teacher.
punish verb	/ˈpʌnɪʃ/	To cause (a child, student, or someone else being looked after, or a suspect or criminal) to suffer for crime or misconduct, to administer disciplinary action…
expectation noun	/ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/	The act or state of expecting or looking forward to an event as about to happen.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
mess up verb	To make a mess of; to untidy, disorder, soil, or muss.
figure out verb	To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce.
move forward verb	To cause to make progress.
blow up verb	To explode or be destroyed by explosion.
check out verb	To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.).
come back verb	To return to a place.
get out of verb	To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of.
go through verb	To travel from one end of something to the other.

Sentences worth repeating

Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:

Did my calendar not sync?
What is my new system?
Ask what, how, why am I doing this?
What are we gonna do moving forward?
What are we gonna do with this information?

דקדוק בסרטון הזה

המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:

מבנה	בסרטון
“Used to” used to + verb — הרגל או מצב שהיה נכון בעבר וכבר לא קיים	used to think · used to go
משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר	people who needed · framework, which is · piece, which is
סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה	was disciplined · had been scheduled · is broken
הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו	you've actually handled · we've been conditioned · I've learned

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 102 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, I'm, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, contentious /kənˈtɛn.ʃəs/, preposition /ˌpɹɛpəˈzɪʃən/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/
Long words — get the stress right: accountability /əˌkaʊn.təˈbɪl.ə.ti/, prosecutor /ˈpɹɑ.səˌkjuːˌtəɹ/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, condominium /ˌkɑn.dəˈmɪn.i.əm/, intoxicated /ɪnˈtɑksɪkeɪtɪd/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like analyze, timer, performer.

מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?

שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.

טכניקת Shadowing: קרא את המדריך המלא שלב אחר שלב →

Shadowing Practice: How To Outsmart Negative Thoughts Once And For All - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Sentences worth repeating

דקדוק בסרטון הזה

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?