शैडोइंग अभ्यास: How Strong Communicators Handle Difficult Talks - वीडियो के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें
पाठ बनाया जा रहा है...
1
If you can't stop where you are right now and ask yourself the question, Do I have a conversation?
2
coming up that I am stressed about, worried about, that's weighing on me, if that's you, then this is your episode.
3
I'm going to walk you through it.
4
We're going to talk all about how to prepare for hard, conversations, the stressful conversations, the ones that put that knot in your stomach.
5
As soon as you start thinking about it, I gotcha.
6
By the end of this episode, you're going to feel a million times better.
7
You ready?
8
Let's go.
9
Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation, the one that changes everything.
10
Wherever you are listening, if you would please press subscribe.
11
or heart or like or leave a comment.
12
It helps me more than, you know, and in exchange, my promises to you to make you a better communicator.
13
If you subscribe and you listen to these episodes, It's going to make you a better communicator.
14
And in exchange, you're going to have much better relationships and a better life.
15
And that's a very positive thing.
16
Thank you so much.
17
This episode is brought to you by Cozy Earth.
18
I love Cozy Earth because the products they make are top notch.
19
Everything.
20
In fact, their whole website is stuff that I scroll through and I'm like, oh, I want this.
21
Oh, I want that.
22
That's the kind of website it is.
23
So I encourage you to go check it out.
24
What do they make?
25
Anything that's cozy is the best way to put it.
26
Anything that feels good.
27
It's from bed sheets to bath towels to bath sheets to the pants that I'm wearing right now.
28
Everything that is cozy.
29
So if you're like me and you're going into these holidays and it's all of a sudden, man, your house is a whole lot colder.
30
It's I don't really want to put on jeans that look nice when I'm heading to the grocery store.
31
I want some stretchy pants.
32
Cozy Earth is where you need to be looking.
33
Jefferson used to go Jefferson for up to 40 % off as CozyEarth .com /Jefferson, use the code Jefferson, for up to 40 % off.
34
And now let's get to the episode.
35
So many times I have people that are reaching out to me and saying, hey, I am preparing for this conversation that I have at work.
36
at the office, I have this interview, I need to fire an employee, I need to try and ask for a raise,
37
I have to have this hard conversation with my spouse or my child or whatever it is.
38
And every time...
39
Deep down, it's a plea for help of knowing I am afraid.
40
That's what I hear.
41
It's fear.
42
It's fear from everyone saying, "I'm nervous about this." Newsflash, I get nervous about conversations too.
43
If you're not getting nervous, let me just put that disclaimer out there.
44
If you're not feeling nervous about a conversation, then you don't care about the conversation.
45
So I want you to understand that when you feel nervous and you're going, "Why do I have this pit in my stomach?" Take that as joy.
46
Count it as joy that you actually care about what you're going to say.
47
You care about the person, you care about that conversation.
48
If you didn't care, you wouldn't really worry at all about your words.
49
You wouldn't worry about their interaction or the reaction from them.
50
So understand when you have that nervous pit in your stomach there, We're going to use that as good.
51
All right, we're going to use that as good.
52
And we're going to talk about that in this episode.
53
So how do you best prepare for this conversation.
54
And I say this conversation because I'm talking to you.
55
We're talking about the very conversation you know that you need to be having that is weighing.
56
on you that you are avoiding, that every time you think about it, it keeps you up at night.
57
you lose track of what you're doing.
58
All of a sudden, your thoughts go out of focus because you're so worried about this conversation.
59
This is a conversation we're gonna be talking about.
60
Here's how I want you to start preparing for it.
61
You ready?
62
Number one, name your goal before your emotions do.
63
Set your goal for what you want the conversation to be.
64
and how you want it to turn out before your emotions do.
65
If you go into a conversation and you don't have a goal, You are...
66
Losing.
67
And I don't say that in terms of a win -loss type of situation.
68
I'm saying you are setting yourself up for failure if you don't have a goal.
69
That is like me saying, hey, you want to jump in the car with me real quick?
70
And you go, okay, where are we going?
71
I have no clue.
72
No idea, but I'm going to spend 45 minutes of us just kind
73
of wandering around until I decide where I might want to park.
74
You go, you're crazy.
75
If I want to go on a flight.
76
And you said, where are you going?
77
I go, you know what?
78
I don't really know.
79
It wouldn't make sense.
80
You need to have a destination.
81
You have to have a destination for what is the end result.
82
So you start backwards.
83
How do you prepare for a difficult, stressful conversation?
84
You start backwards at the very end of it.
85
All right, you start at the very end.
86
What do I want them to know?
87
So if you can right now, I want you to get a piece of paper out, maybe a Word document, a Google document, whatever it is.
88
And I want you to write down goal.
89
and then put a colon.
90
What is my goal for this conversation?
91
If you don't know the goal, you're lost.
92
You're lost because the other person is going to be looking to you of, Where are we going?
93
What is what do you want?
94
Ever had anybody say, what's your point?
95
Where are you going with this?
96
That's exactly what it is because you're not telling them you're not informing them of your destination.
97
I And that leaves both of you absolutely clueless.
98
When you write down your goal, meaning I want them to...
99
hear me.
100
I want them to understand me.
101
I want them to do this, or I need to feel this.
102
Yeah.
103
It's going to help clarify what your standard is.
104
If your goal is for them to change their mind, That's going to be very difficult.
105
If your goal is for them to apologize to you, that's probably the wrong goal.
106
It is has to be some the goal has to be something that you can control.
107
You can't control if they're going to apologize or say that you're right or that everything they believe in is wrong.
108
You have to set a goal that you can control.
109
That has to do with you understanding what's happening, you feeling more...
110
Like you have a better solid footing in the conversation.
111
You getting to say the thing that you've always wanted to say.
112
You see, these are words that are coming from you, not what you're expecting them to say.
113
Having a goal is so critical.
114
It sounds basic.
115
It is basic, it is extremely difficult.
116
to have the right goal.
117
What happens a lot of the time is
118
you have something in your head about how the conversation should go And then you get into the conversation and you realize, wait, this isn't happening.
119
Have you ever been into a conversation and you realize, "Wait, wait, wait, no, no, this isn't how it's supposed to happen.
120
I was going to say this and then you were supposed to apologize because that's how I rehearsed it in my head.
121
This is where you say how wrong you are, how you finally are seeing the light.
122
That's never going to happen." If it does,
123
congratulations go get a lottery ticket because that's going to be extremely rare conversations rarely go how they go.
124
in your head.
125
That's just not the way the world works.
126
So you need to write down your goal.
127
What?
128
Do you want from them?
129
What do you want? for you.
130
Basic goal.
131
A very basic goal.
132
Maybe it's, I want to feel heard on this issue.
133
I need to understand where they're coming from.
134
I need to let them go from the company.
135
I need to inform them that this is their last day.
136
Whatever it is, You need to have a goal and make that the bright line header of your true north.
137
Without it, you might as well not have the conversation. at all.
138
You with me?
139
Number two, put the emphasis on regulating your body more than rehearsing your words.
140
In fact, I would go on to tell you that rehearsing your lines is damaging.
141
Let me tell you why.
142
so many times in the legal field.
143
And there's a lot of attorneys, trial attorneys who might be listening right now, nodding their head.
144
Good attorneys don't stick to line by line questions.
145
They keep it flexible.
146
So what does that look like?
147
Let's say I have a pen and paper.
148
All right.
149
Rather than writing and scripting out every single one of my questions that I want to ask a witness, instead, I'm going to put it in bullet points.
150
The first bullet point might be the store.
151
It might be.
152
the money exchange.
153
It might be the trip.
154
Things that are signposts to me, that allow me to ask questions and be flexible.
155
Because let me tell you the downside of rehearsing and knowing my questions ahead of time, is that I might read a question and wait for the answer.
156
Except I typically don't wait for the answer.
157
I'm starting to look at the next question and I'm worried about what I'm going to ask more than I'm actually listening.
158
So you know a new attorney, a green attorney from a more veteran by if they're going, and did you arrive at the school that day?
159
And they're not even really listening to the answer.
160
Somebody could be giving a very good answer that's giving them lots of information, but they're not listening because they're just focused on the next question questions so you miss things.
161
That's the point.
162
You miss things.
163
If you are rehearsing your lines, you're going to miss things because you're more focused on you performing well, of you doing well.
164
Oh, no, no, that's not how I wanted to say it.
165
People who teach public speaking, If you rehearse your talk,
166
You're going to be much more concerned about the exact wording
167
and putting your placement and making it almost so manufactured
168
that it doesn't feel genuine and it doesn't feel real and the other person is not going to feel it.
169
Versus you just know generally where the message needs to be, you know, your goal, you know your purpose and why you're there, and you're going to trust everything's going to flow out of that.
170
And that's where you feel the connection from people.
171
So put the emphasis on regulating your body.
172
Then we can worry about...
173
Is there a certain type of phrase that you want to make sure and use?
174
Because if you don't have your body controlled, if you are not...
175
Using your breath and you are not lowering your shoulders and you are making sure your jaw is not.
176
Is your jaw tight right now?
177
Do you have tightness in your ears and in your cheeks and your forehead?
178
What about your shoulders and your hands?
179
Are they tense? Is your core tight?
180
Are your shoulders drooped over?
181
What's your body position like?
182
So you have to make sure you take temperature of that If you don't have your body controlled,
183
good luck trying to focus everything else because your body's tied to those emotions.
184
And if you're not breathing, And it doesn't matter what kind of technique I could teach you, what words I could give you, none of it's going to work because it's going to come out in a way that you don't want.
185
It's going to come out defensive because your body's feeling defensive because your body is feeling flooded in that moment.
186
So control, you can control.
187
How do I want you to prepare?
188
for this hard conversation, regulate your body, put the focus on that.
189
Before we keep going, I want to take a second to tell you about Gusto.
190
Now, many of you, like myself, are business owners.
191
I have a law firm.
192
I have this media side of the podcasting.
193
I've owned a restaurant, a coffee shop.
194
I've done all kinds of things.
195
And let me tell you one thing that is not fun as a business owner that is extremely stressful, and that is payroll.
196
Because you want, I know, especially small businesses, you want to take care of your people.
197
to make sure that paperwork is smooth, taxes are difficult.
198
Like for anybody who's never owned a business, you go, how do I pay people?
199
Gusto, all right, is been my saving grace long before they sponsored this podcast right now.
200
I've used them for probably seven years.
201
Gusto is an online payroll and benefits software built for small businesses.
202
It's all in one.
203
It's remote friendly and incredibly easy to use.
204
So you can pay, hire, onboard, and support your team online from anywhere.
205
It has been such help to me and the way that it makes it easy to onboard people.
206
It takes care of taxes for, and especially if you have people that are remote and working in other states, it will sign all that stuff up for you for each state entity.
207
Keep it all in one dashboard.
208
You can have as many unlimited payroll runs for one monthly price.
209
And it's, it's really is easy.
210
So you can go try Gusto today at gusto .com slash Jefferson
211
and get three months free when you run your first payroll.
212
That's months of free payroll at gusto .com /jefferson.
213
One more time, gusto .com /jefferson.
214
I can promise you I've used them for so many years and I have currently right now,
215
I have four businesses that do payroll through them and I would not look at anybody else.
216
Go to Gusto.
217
All right, now back to the episode.
218
Preparing for this conversation, I want you to think in your mind Think in your mind.
219
What are imagine the conversation happening in real time, the person sitting across from you, you're you're at the you're in the environment that you're going to have the conversation with.
220
How does that feel?
221
How does that feel to you?
222
what emotions are coming up, prepare for them now.
223
prepare for them now so underneath wherever you're writing underneath goal I want you to write.
224
My responses.
225
I'm not talking about words, I'm talking about your physical body responses.
226
What's going to be happening to you in that moment?
227
You need to know.
228
Do you get tightness in your jaw?
229
For me, it's tightness in my shoulders.
230
Right here, the traps, I get really tight when I know I'm tense because I have to like constantly relax them.
231
Is my body preparing?
232
I have to constantly react.
233
I have to constantly relax them.
234
So in my responses, say what's happening to you.
235
Jaw gets tight.
236
fist clench.
237
Shoulders tense.
238
I had somebody who said, "My toes like to scrunch up." If that's you, write that down too.
239
You need to know what's happening.
240
Why?
241
So that you will not be surprised when it's happening.
242
It's preparing for every part of the conversation.
243
Conversations are not just words.
244
They are the emotions and the physical thoughts.
245
elements in the room.
246
All right.
247
It is not just emotion.
248
It is just as physical as can be, because they're going to read your body language more than they're going to listen to your words.
249
So when it comes to preparing for this hard conversation, focus on regulating your body first before we start worrying about your words.
250
Cool.
251
Number three, while we're talking about words, if you're going to rehearse anything, I want you to rehearse your opening line.
252
That's it.
253
Know your opening line.
254
That's it.
255
Whenever you start to think of how it's going to play out five minutes into the conversation.
256
There's no way it's going to happen.
257
If you can get out your opening line really well, that's really the only thing you can control at the start of the conversation.
258
Everything else is going to be what it's going to be.
259
And it's all going to be on you and your emotions now.
260
I say start with your opening line because that sets the tone for the conversation that in to my in my opinion,
261
is absolutely worth rehearsing, that you feel really comfortable with the first words that come out of your mouth.
262
I'd say that 98 % of the time, the direction of the conversation is set by the tone.
263
and in the first words that you share.
264
So if I want to have a hard conversation with you, I'm going to put a lot of emphasis in my mind of remembering,
265
rehearsing, but the opening what I want to begin with.
266
So, I want you to write down underneath my responses, my opening.
267
My opening.
268
Write down your opening sentence.
269
to this person.
270
Imagine yourself in the context and get really comfortable with the opening sentence.
271
What I like to open with And I'm just going to, I'm going to throw out some responses that might feel natural to you.
272
All right, is saying, I'm going to share something that's really important. to me.
273
I like to share something that's very important to me.
274
Something as simple as that.
275
If you want to add to it, I want to share something that's really important to me and I know it's not going to be perfect.
276
Or you can even ask, and is it okay with you if I don't say everything perfectly?
277
This is going to be a difficult conversation, but I'm going to be right here with you through the end.
278
This is a conversation that I know it's not going to be resolved now.
279
and I'm gonna be in this conversation over the next month for however long it takes.
280
Sometimes not putting a timeframe on conversations is very helpful.
281
Instead of saying we need to have a conversation right now and expect a decision, this is a conversation we're going to have over the next week.
282
over the next month, whatever it is.
283
When you release the time, it's like the pressure valve goes off.
284
You're releasing the pressure, the tense moment of it.
285
Find your opening line.
286
Maybe it's you needing to reveal some stuff.
287
Like, I'm struggling with some thoughts and I really want your help.
288
Thank you.
289
I'm stressed about this conversation.
290
because it matters so much to me.
291
I'd encourage you to actually reveal a little bit about what's happening inside.
292
reveal the nerves, reveal the imperfect, reveal the struggle.
293
Believe it or not, it's going to help them relate to you more than you could ever dream.
294
If you sit with them and say, This is a conversation I've been dreading to have And I hope that...
295
Together.
296
we can get through this in a way that's going to make a big difference.
297
This is a conversation I've been dreading to have.
298
I really need your help.
299
there's something I want to share with you and I know I'm, I'm not going to get it down perfectly.
300
Are you willing to just be here with me?
301
be willing to reveal a little bit.
302
I'm not saying a lot, but if your opening line can be just a little bit vulnerable.
303
with the inner emotions, what that's going to do is break so much ice to actually be real.
304
to talk to one another.
305
All right.
306
How do we prepare for that difficult conversation?
307
That stressful conversation, instead of that knot in your stomach, we're going to move some energy.
308
You do that by writing down what we just talked about.
309
so Number one, know your goal.
310
number two know your responses your body what's happening
311
that way you're not going to get caught off by it in the moment and number three rehearse your opening line, know your opening line because that you can at least control.
312
And additional bonus if you can.
313
Reveal a little bit of the struggle.
314
What are you struggling with yourself?
315
Like if you were just going to talk to me and say, Jefferson, I want to have this hard conversation and I'm worried about it because I'm afraid they're not going to.
316
i'm afraid reveal that whatever that is i'm afraid that Maybe you need to write that down too.
317
I'm afraid that and use that fear and put it at the beginning of the conversation.
318
I need to share something important with you and I'm afraid that if I do, this is going to happen.
319
You hear how all of a sudden you've got that out in the open.
320
You're not you're not you're not carrying that inside.
321
It's not unspoken.
322
You've now said it.
323
And now they can understand, okay, this is serious, and now I'm going to have this conversation with you.
324
All right.
325
I'm proud of you.
326
I want to encourage you that this is...
327
Not everybody does this.
328
Let me tell you, nobody does it super well.
329
Even the conversations I need to have.
330
Yeah.
331
Do I make mistakes?
332
Yeah.
333
But that's what makes me human.
334
There's no such thing as a perfect, stressful, hard, difficult conversation gone well.
335
The best thing you can do is Find...
336
the reason within yourself, why is it difficult?
337
When I say difficult conversation, what makes it difficult?
338
Find that answer.
339
Be more focused on that answer.
340
If you can just remove the difficulty, then it's just a conversation.
341
then it's not a difficult one, it's just a conversation.
342
And sometimes what makes it difficult is not the other person.
343
It's me.
344
Do the homework.
345
Prepare for it plan for it and you will not be surprised.
346
And when you eliminate the surprises, you reduce the anxiety.
347
And all of a sudden, what you thought was so difficult really just becomes another conversation.
348
All right?
349
You got this?
350
If you can, encourage, I want to not only encourage you, but
351
whenever you do have
352
that conversation will you email me i you can go um hello at jeffersonfisher .com i would love
353
to hear how that conversation went.
354
and get any kind of feedback because i just want to encourage you
355
and speak a lot of good into your life all right as always you can try that and follow me
📺 उसी चैनल से
B11
Use This Phrase on The Silent Treatment
Business EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
Never Struggle with Small Talk Again | Easy Tips for Better Conversations
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
THIS is How To Be Direct Without Hurting People | Jefferson Fisher
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B21
Erin McGoff: How to be Instantly More Confident at Work
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
B21
You’re Losing Respect Every Time You Say This
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
You’re Not Responsible for Their Emotions
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
Finance Expert: How You Talk About Money Matters Ft. Vivian Tu
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2How to Be Direct Without Sounding Rude
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B1what to say instead of staying silent
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B1Be more direct.
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
✨ अनुशंसित वीडियो
B12,673
11 वाक्य
The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Students (Part 6) 💯
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B24
73 वाक्य
Sound More Professional in English | 5 Phrases for Difficult Conversations
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B22
123 वाक्य
Making Decisions and Talking About Choices in Life | English Listening
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B22
48 वाक्य
Celeste Headlee - 10 ways to have a better conversation (Condensed Talk)
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B21
253 वाक्य
English Listening Podcast - Why is it Hard to Become Advanced?
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
121 वाक्य
Communication Skills at Work: 4 Key Tips | Indeed Career Tips
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B22
233 वाक्य
How to Have Difficult Conversations (Even If It's Confronting)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
122 वाक्य
How to Talk About Feelings in English: Belonging, Trust, and Connection
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
484 वाक्य
English Podcast For Learning English | Real English Conversation Practice |The Power of Not Reacting
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
856 वाक्य
The Art of Charm Podcast 716 - 8 Tips for Compelling Conversation
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
इस क्लिप के लिए बोलने के लक्ष्य
इस वीडियो में, हम कठिन संवादों के लिए तैयारी करने के तरीके पर ध्यान केंद्रित करते हैं। यह आपको आत्म-विश्वास के साथ अपनी बात रखने में मदद करेगा, चाहे वह कार्यस्थल में हो या व्यक्तिगत जीवन में। यह क्लिप आपके अंग्रेजी बोलने की धारिता को सुधारने के लिए एक महत्वपूर्ण मील का पत्थर है। जैसे-जैसे आप इन संवादों में भाग लेते हैं, आप अपने भावनात्मक तनाव को कम करते हुए प्रभावी ढंग से अपनी बात रख पाएंगे। इससे आपके संवाद कौशल में सुधार होगा और आपके व्यक्तिगत एवं व्यावसायिक संबंधों में मजबूती आएगी।
वाक्यांशों की सूची
- “Do I have a conversation?” - “क्या मेरी एक बातचीत है?”
- “I’m nervous about this.” - “मैं इसके बारे में नर्वस हूँ।”
- “That puts that knot in your stomach.” - “जो आपके पेट में गाँठ डाल देता है।”
- “Take that as joy.” - “इसका आनंद लें।”
- “You care about that conversation.” - “आप उस बातचीत की परवाह करते हैं।”
अपनी कमजोरियों को सुधारें
यह वीडियो आपको अपनी बोलने की गति और उच्चारण में मदद करेगा। खासकर जब आप कठिन संवादों का सामना करते हैं, तो सही उच्चारण और लय बनाए रखना बहुत महत्वपूर्ण है। आप सीखेंगे कि कैसे तनावपूर्ण परिस्थितियों में भी स्पष्टता से बोलना है। वीडियो में दिए गए संवादों का अनुसरण करने से आप अंग्रेजी बोलने का अभ्यास कर सकते हैं और अपनी कमजोरियों को दूर कर सकते हैं। उदाहरण के लिए, जब आप “I’m nervous about this” जैसी वाक्यांशों का अभ्यास करते हैं, तो आप न केवल उच्चारण पर ध्यान देंगे, बल्कि अपनी भावनाओं को भी बेहतर ढंग से व्यक्त कर पाएंगे।
इस प्रकार, यूट्यूब से अंग्रेजी सीखें और प्रभावी संवाद कौशल विकसित करें। अंग्रेजी शैडोइंग तकनीक का उपयोग करते हुए आप संचार में आत्मविश्वास प्राप्त करेंगे। यह आपके लिए न केवल सरल होगा, बल्कि आप अपनी भावनाओं को सही ढंग से व्यक्त करने में भी सक्षम होंगे।
इस वीडियो का व्याकरण
वक्ता जिन संरचनाओं का सबसे अधिक प्रयोग करता है, वीडियो के असली शब्दों के साथ:
| संरचना | वीडियो में |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — पहले शुरू हुआ काम जो अब भी जारी है | I've been dreading |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — बीता हुआ काम जिसका असर अभी भी है | you've always wanted · I've owned · I've done |
| Passive voice be + past participle — ज़ोर इस पर कि क्या होता है, न कि कौन करता है | is brought · is set · be resolved |
| Relative clauses who / which + उपवाक्य — व्यक्ति या वस्तु के बारे में अतिरिक्त जानकारी | People who teach · somebody who said |
शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?
शैडोइंग (Shadowing) एक विज्ञान-समर्थित भाषा सीखने की तकनीक है जो मूल रूप से पेशेवर दुभाषिया प्रशिक्षण के लिए विकसित की गई थी। विधि सरल लेकिन शक्तिशाली है: आप मूल अंग्रेज़ी ऑडियो सुनते हैं और तुरंत इसे ज़ोर से दोहराते हैं — जैसे वक्ता की छाया 1-2 सेकंड की देरी से। शोध से पता चलता है कि यह उच्चारण सटीकता, स्वर, लय, जुड़ी हुई ध्वनियाँ, सुनने की समझ और बोलने की प्रवाहशीलता में काफ़ी सुधार करता है।