Pratica di Shadowing: how to stop comparing yourself to others (tips that *actually* work) - Impara a parlare inglese con YouTube
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Why is everyone so successful except me?
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Why is everyone so successful except me?
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How does everyone have so many friends yet I'm alone?
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I just wish I looked like her.
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This is our reality.
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Chronically online but quietly suffering.
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Living vicariously through influencers we've never even met.
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If you find yourself constantly stuck in this comparison loop,
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wishing that one day it'll stop, it won't.
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Because you're playing a game you can't win.
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But what if I told you it didn't have to be this way?
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that you didn't have to wake up every morning feeling sorry for yourself because that used to be me.
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I'm going to tell you exactly how I was able to stop comparing myself after years of struggling with insecurity
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because these mindset tricks are so powerful that if you use them,
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you will never become insecure by anyone again,
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no matter who you scroll past.
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You're not crazy for comparing yourself though.
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In fact, it's biologically ingrained in us.
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As humans, we compare ourselves to others because of this innate drive to evaluate ourselves,
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understand our place in the world and improve our lives.
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This is based on social comparison theory.
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In other words, comparing ourselves to others helps us gauge where we stand in society.
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It's essentially benchmarking.
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This comparison can either be upward,
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such as perceiving others as better than us,
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or it can be downward when we see other people as being worse.
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And although very rarely it can be a source of motivation,
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most of the time it often leads to negative emotions like dissatisfaction and anxiety.
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And because of the age of the internet and social media,
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it has made this comparison game incredibly easy.
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We wake up, we scroll.
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We eat, we scroll.
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We can't even brush our teeth without checking who's doing better than us.
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And the crazy thing is that it all happens unconsciously.
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Even if you're not actively thinking about comparison,
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it's already happening in your mind.
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Social media apps were designed to be addicting.
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And so the longer we stay on the platform,
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the more unattainable aesthetics we see.
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And eventually we start to convince ourselves that every single person is indeed happier,
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more successful, more in love, and prettier than us.
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And you tell yourself that you're just catching up,
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but an hour later you're picking apart your body,
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your job, your timeline, but you're not crazy for feeling this way.
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You're just caught in a cycle that was never meant to help you.
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Social media breeds envy, so it's your job to filter through the noise and find better solutions that will actually motivate you.
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When we compare ourselves to others on social media or in real life,
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we often feel a mix of inadequacy,
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like why don't I look like that?
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Self-doubt, like am I falling behind?
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Shame, like I should be doing more?
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Or resentment, why them and not me?
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But the real root of comparison is always the fear of not being enough.
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That if we don't measure up to everyone else,
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we'll be unloved, unnoticed, or left behind.
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And this is a problem
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because the measuring stick you're using to evaluate yourself is based on standards that you've created in your mind.
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When you think about it,
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there is no law on what's right or perfect.
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These are ideals set by us that we force ourselves to live by because that's what other people do.
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I mean, think about the Instagram face phenomenon where everyone is doing their makeup
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and getting plastic surgery to look the same way.
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There's a cultural pressure to follow these beauty standards because that's what people deem as the right way to look.
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So the first step to how you're going to overcome comparison is to reframe and rebuild.
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You have to understand that all of what you're feeling is created from you,
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that all of your insecurities are technically your fault.
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It's harsh, but it's true.
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This is something called radical accountability,
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which is believing that everything that has happened to you is directly your responsibility.
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So how you feel about yourself is your fault,
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But there is good news.
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Because although radical accountability can be a hard pill to swallow,
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it also shows you that you have 100% control of your life.
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So you can either use this information to further degrade yourself,
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or you can use it to reframe your thinking and rebuild your life.
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And this is exactly how you're going to do that.
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You see, comparison isn't the actual problem.
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It's a symptom of the problem.
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So the first thing you need to do is identify what it is exactly you're feeling when you compare yourself to others?
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Is it shame, jealousy, inadequacy?
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And once you can name the feeling,
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it will help you take back the power from it.
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Then you need to ask yourself,
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what is this trigger showing me about my own desires?
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For example, if you're envious of someone else's success,
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maybe you're craving more purpose.
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If you're comparing someone's physical looks to yours,
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maybe you just want their confidence.
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Like I said, comparison is just a symptom of the real problem.
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You need to dig deep and find out the exact issue you have with yourself.
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And then you are going to turn your feelings into a mirror.
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Basically, every time you see someone who you compare yourself to,
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you are going to shift your focus from what you lack to what you can learn.
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So as an example, when you see someone online who has a body you want,
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rather than thinking, I'll never be able to look like that,
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think, what can I learn from her to achieve those results?
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Or if you see one of your friends making lots of money,
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ask yourself, what are they doing differently that I can start doing too?
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We are no longer going to be passive and just quietly watch people from the sidelines.
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That is not what you were put on this earth to do.
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Instead, you are going to take your insecurity,
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turn it around and take action towards your goals.
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Which brings us to number four,
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root back into your timeline.
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We often compare our step one to other people's step 100.
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You need to remember that the people People who are farther along than you are on a different path.
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Remember that their success doesn't equal your failure.
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Just because someone else is winning doesn't mean you're losing.
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You guys can both be winning at the same time.
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Crazy concept, I know.
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But whatever your actionable steps are,
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you need to adjust them to fit your unique timeline.
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So to do this, I want you to do a little exercise.
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I want you to write down three things you are already doing that align with your goals.
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So as an example, if my goal was to land my dream job,
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I might say that I'm already reaching out to companies getting my letters of recommendation,
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and updating my resume.
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And then after that, I want you to write down three more things you can start doing that will further your growth.
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This will get you to start thinking actively,
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as in taking action towards your goals,
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rather than being passive and envious of other people working on theirs.
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One of the other most effective tips I've used that helped me stop comparing myself is auditing my scroll.
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You need to unfollow anybody you silently compare yourself to and be honest about it.
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At first, you might not want to unfollow some people because at one point they did inspire you.
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But now deep down, you find yourself jealous and insecure by their life.
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There were so many influencers I used to look up to,
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but over time, I just found myself constantly comparing my life to theirs.
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And every time I would go off social media,
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I would feel so empty.
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So that's when I realized constantly consuming these people's content was actually hurting me more than helping.
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So that is when I just started to mute people on social media so I didn't see their posts or stories.
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Like it wasn't enough for me to just ignore them.
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I actually had to mute them for my self-control.
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And when I tell you,
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my mental health improved drastically by doing this because during the day I would just mindlessly scroll,
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but it would actually be feeding into my insecurities.
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So now the temptation isn't even there and I only follow people who inspire me but that I don't compare myself to.
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I basically only follow people who I see as mentors or teachers
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because the logic is you wouldn't want to be your professor,
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but you definitely want to learn from them.
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Another way to audit your scroll is just to limit it altogether.
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The phrase you are what you eat is 100% true.
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The more time you spend on social media,
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the more you feed into the narrative it's telling you.
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And because these apps were designed to make us insecure,
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you are only buying into a self-fulfilling prophecy the longer you spend on them.
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So do yourself a favor and just limit your time online.
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I talk about this screen management app called Opal all the time in my videos.
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They're not sponsoring me, but I wish they did because of all this free promotion I'm doing for them.
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But I really like it because it will literally block me from using certain apps on my phone.
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So I've set it to block Instagram,
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TikTok, LinkedIn, my emails, basically every single app.
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And you can decide how long you want your blocking period to be.
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So I've set mine in the morning because I do not wanna start my day off by comparing myself on social media.
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This has been a godsend for my productivity, self-esteem, confidence, basically everything.
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I love social media, but there are times
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when I just need a break and auditing my scroll has been extremely effective for that.
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So if you are not doing this yet, you need to start.
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I do wanna say something really bluntly though.
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Most of us who struggle heavily with comparison are coincidentally also really shy and humble.
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Like you are probably the type of person to deny compliments from other people.
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Like if someone said, oh my God,
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your hair is so pretty.
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You'd probably say something like,
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oh my God, no, I haven't watched it in three days.
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It's so bad.
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But girl, you gotta stop doing this.
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It seems harmless, but you are quietly killing your self-esteem.
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And you wonder why you're insecure.
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It's because you're always denying the good things about yourself.
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So here's what you're gonna do instead.
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You are going to publicly celebrate yourself.
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And I don't care if you think this is stupid because it's not and it works.
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I am literally living proof because I used to hate talking about myself,
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but now I love it.
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You need to get into the habit of sharing your wins with other people.
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And the reason why this works is because it trains your brain into thinking highly of yourself.
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It's the same reasoning behind fake it till you make it.
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Nobody comes out of the womb being super confident.
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Confidence is a muscle that has developed over time.
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And people who are extremely confident have been exercising this muscle for years.
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So if you are generally a very humble,
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quiet person who doesn't like to talk about themselves, that needs to change.
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When I actually started to share stuff about my life with other people
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and all the good things that have been happening to me.
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At first, it felt weird because I thought I was like bragging, but it's not.
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And it actually made me stop comparing myself to others.
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When you take the time and intentionally acknowledge your wins,
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it affirms to you that you are amazing,
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you are capable and you are successful.
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And when you start changing your thinking pattern,
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you will eventually stop comparing yourself to what you see in real life or online.
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Because now you believe you have just as much or even more to celebrate.
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And you do.
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Everything you have right now is worth celebrating.
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You don't need to wait for that new job,
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that new apartment or that big milestone to feel good about yourself.
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You can decide to feel good right now.
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At the end of the day,
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comparison is just a distraction.
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It keeps you focused on what you don't have that you forget everything you do have,
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but you don't need to be anyone else.
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You don't need to live someone else's timeline.
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You just need to remember who you are and start acting like it.
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Stop giving other people the power to dictate how you feel about yourself.
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Take this as your reminder that you are not behind.
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You are not broken.
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You are in the process of becoming.
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And we all are.
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And remember, there is nothing more powerful than a girl who's too focused on herself to even compare.
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As always, thank you so much for being here and for putting yourself first.
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I'll see you in the next one.
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Bye.
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you
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