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1
Okay, Chandler, Mom, there's only one banana nut muffin left.
2
Oh, well, I ordered mine first.
3
Yeah, but I'm so much faster.
4
Give it to me.
5
No. Give it to me.
6
Okay, you can have it.
7
There you go.
8
Enjoy your coffee.
9
That was there when I got here.
10
Hey, you guys, you will never guess who's coming to New York.
11
Quick, Phoebe, tell us before you can swallow.
12
Oh, okay.
13
Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
14
You went out with a guy in the Navy?
15
Yeah, I met him when I was playing guitar in Washington Square Park.
16
Ryan threw in saltwater taffy because he didn't have any change.
17
Hey, is that when you wrote saltwater taffy, man?
18
No. No, he is my submarine guy.
19
He resurfaces, like, every couple years, and we have the most amazing three days together.
20
Only this time, he's coming for two weeks.
21
Two whole weeks, which means yay!
22
Oh!
23
So, wait, this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time?
24
Mm -mm.
25
That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
26
Yay!
27
Isn't this great?
28
Mm.
29
Couldn't you just stay like this forever?
30
Chandler couldn't you just stay here forever yeah here somewhere else
31
you know wherever you okay yeah I'm cool casual what are
32
you doing well just hanging out you know having fun you know with the girl that I'm seeing casually
33
man I knew it I knew you were going to do this what get all freaked out
34
because everybody was talking and just joking around about marriage
35
and stuff well you you do want all that stuff right oh
36
and you know what i want yes you want babies you have baby fever
37
i do not have baby fever oh please you are obsessed with babies
38
and and marriage and everything that's related to babies and and
39
and marriage you know what i got a good idea why
40
don't Why don't we turn the heat down on this Petra -Cooker?
41
Have you lost your mind?
42
Taylor, this isn't about me.
43
This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap.
44
Nuh -uh.
45
I know you, okay?
46
I know the thoughts that you have in the head in your head.
47
You don't know everything.
48
Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you?
49
And did you know that the only baby around here is you?
50
And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?
51
Yeah, well, I did not know that.
52
This is gonna be okay, right?
53
I mean, she's not gonna leave me.
54
This is fixable.
55
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
56
Absolutely. By me.
57
Oh, no. No, no. Well, unless you make some kind of big gesture.
58
Yeah, big, though.
59
Oh, shit, the missus.
60
Here, can I get a coffee? To go?
61
Come on, Kate.
62
I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you.
63
Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.
64
What?
65
Well, that's what we do, you know.
66
I mess up, and then you tell me how to fix it, and then I do, and then, you know, you think I'm all cute again.
67
I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor.
68
You're gonna have to figure this one out for yourself, right?
69
You know what?
70
If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one.
71
hey dude some guy just called for you who was it
72
i don't know how about thanks for taking the message jeez you know
73
when you move in rachel's room's gonna be empty you want
74
to talk about what we want to do with it sure
75
okay i was thinking we should have a beautiful guest room right with a mahogany sleigh bed
76
and bedside tables with flowers on it all the time.
77
And then we could have, like, a roll -top desk with little comment cards so people can tell us how much they love staying here. Or whatever.
78
You know, I really haven't thought about it that much.
79
Well, I like that idea.
80
Obviously.
81
But I was thinking maybe, maybe, maybe it could be a game room.
82
You know?
83
I mean, you can buy old arcade games like, uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200.
84
The real ones, the big, big, big ones.
85
No. Okay, so you mean no as in, gee, Chandler, what an interesting idea.
86
Let's discuss it before we reject it completely.
87
Oh, I'm sorry. Of course.
88
Yes, interesting idea.
89
Talk about it, but no. So that's it?
90
I just don't think that, you know, arcade games go in the beautiful guest room.
91
The beautiful guest room is gonna be filled with antiques.
92
Which is why Asteroids is perfect.
93
It's the oldest game.
94
What do you have against the beautiful guest room?
95
Nothing.
96
I don't have anything against the beautiful guest room.
97
Especially since everybody that we know lives about 30 seconds away. Are you mocking me?
98
No, I'm not mocking you or your beautiful game meme.
99
Hey, what's up?
100
Not that Monica and I had a stupid fight.
101
But you're still moving in together, right?
102
Because my ad came out today.
103
Wanted female roommate, non -smoker, non -ugly.
104
I love your breasts the way they are.
105
Ugh, fascist.
106
Well, my breasts are gonna get bigger whether you like it or not.
107
And you know what?
108
It's not just my breasts.
109
My ass is gonna get bigger, too.
110
Your ass?
111
Man, don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger, too.
112
They do that?
113
It's kind of a package deal.
114
God, why?
115
Why would you want to do that to yourself?
116
I thought it was something that we both wanted.
117
All right, look, if it means that much to you, I may be able to get on board with the big boobs, but the giant ass and the big clown feet?
118
Oh, my God, Chandler.
119
If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital with the blood
120
and the screaming and the little person that's shooting out of her?
121
What?
122
Would you look at them?
123
Never gonna find a boyfriend again.
124
Die an old maid.
125
You're not gonna die an old maid.
126
Maybe an old spinster cook.
127
Thanks.
128
Hey, now, besides, worse comes to worse, I'll be your boyfriend.
129
Yeah, right.
130
Why is that so funny?
131
You made a joke, right?
132
So I laughed.
133
A little too hard.
134
What am I, not a boyfriend material?
135
No, you're Chandler.
136
You know, Chandler.
137
Okay, so we've established my name and hit me.
138
But theoretically, you know, I mean, say we weren't friends.
139
Say it's a blind date.
140
I show up at your door, and I'm like, uh, hey, nice to meet you.
141
Hey, hey.
142
I'd probably be scared of the guy using a fake voice.
143
Hi there.
144
That's that weird voice again.
145
Okay, okay, let me try it again.
146
You're gonna want to date this next guy, I swear.
147
Okay, come on.
148
Hi, I'm Dorf Your date for the evening Oh, come on, Dorf, I'm dating?
149
That's good stuff I've got it I have got it Pictures from your childhood This will get you going good Alright,
150
what's going on there?
151
Oh, that's Parents Day, first grade That's me with the The janitor, Martin Where are your parents?
152
Oh, they didn't want to come.
153
Oh, Chandler, poor thing.
154
So that story doesn't make you cry?
155
No, look, I don't cry.
156
It's not a big deal, okay?
157
No, it's not okay.
158
It's not okay at all.
159
You're dead inside.
160
Hey, sweetie.
161
Hey.
162
Chicken soup for the soul?
163
There's no back to this couch.
164
Why are you reading this?
165
You hate this kind of stuff.
166
Yeah, I know.
167
I figured I'd give it a shot.
168
You know, I mean, maybe one of those stories would make me cry, and then you wouldn't think I was, you know, all dead inside.
169
Aw, that's so sweet.
170
Chandler, I don't care if you can't cry.
171
I love you.
172
Aw, that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.
173
Stop it.
174
No, I mean, come on, seriously.
175
Think about it.
176
We get married, I'm up at the altar, and I'm like this.
177
I won't care.
178
Because I know that you'll be feeling it all in here.
179
Yeah?
180
Yeah.
181
And if we have a baby one day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room, and you don't cry, so what?
182
And if we take him to college, and we come home, and we see his empty room for the first time, You're welcome.
183
and you got nothing, it won't matter to me.
184
Okay.
185
Well, I won't worry about this anymore, then.
186
Yeah, and, you know, if I die from a long illness
187
and you're writing out my eulogy and you open the desk drawer and you find a note from me that says,
188
I will always be with you and you still can't shed one tiny tear,
189
I know you'll be crying a river inside.
190
Oh, I love you so much.
191
What is wrong with you?
192
What?
193
Why is it?
194
You can't shed a tear for your dead wife?
195
I left you a note from the beyond.
196
So you didn't mean any of that?
197
No, you robot!
198
I don't even know what to say.
199
Thank you.
200
You're welcome.
201
Oh, my God.
202
Are you crying?
203
I just don't see why those two can't work things out.
204
Hey.
205
Hey.
206
You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
207
Oh, boy, me too.
208
You know, I was thinking, if we had a big fight and we broke up for a few hours...
209
Yeah?
210
Technically, we could have sex again.
211
What do you think, bossy and domineering?
212
The wedding is off, sloppy and immature.
213
That's me.
214
Come on.
215
Okay, okay.
216
Oh, my cousin Cassie's in the guest room.
217
We're supposed to have lunch.
218
Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
219
Shrill?
220
The wedding is back on.
221
What have I not told you?
222
Oh, I don't know.
223
Um, how about the fact
224
that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from
225
when you were having sex with fun Bobby out on the terrace?
226
What?
227
Anybody?
228
Who told you?
229
You are dead meat.
230
I didn't know it was a big secret.
231
No, it's not big.
232
Not at all.
233
You know, kind of the same lines as, say, oh, I don't know, Oh, having a third nipple?
234
What?
235
You have a third nipple?
236
You bitch.
237
Whip it out.
238
Whip it out.
239
Yeah, yeah.
240
Oh, come on.
241
There's nothing to see.
242
It's just a tiny bump.
243
It's totally useless.
244
Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples.
245
I can't believe you.
246
You told me it was a nubbin.
247
Joey, what do you think a nubbin was?
248
I don't know.
249
You see something, you hear a word.
250
I thought that's what it was.
251
Hello.
252
Hello.
253
I love my new job!
254
Honey, you're screaming.
255
You bet your ass I am!
256
I just had the best first day ever.
257
The kitchen, twice as big as Alessandro's.
258
Oh, that's great.
259
Yeah, and clean, not just health department clean, Monica clean.
260
Awesome.
261
Oh, and the people are so nice.
262
There's this one guy, Jeffrey, he's the maitre d'.
263
Chandler, you will love him.
264
He is, without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met.
265
Hey, did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you ever met?
266
Yeah, so?
267
Wow.
268
Really, do you not know Chandler?
269
Is that why he's acting so weird?
270
He's jealous?
271
Oh, my God, that is crazy.
272
It's not like I'm attracted to Jeffrey. So what?
273
Being funny is Chandler's thing.
274
You know, like Ross's thing is...
275
Science?
276
Academia?
277
Being a good father?
278
No. I can't believe he's that upset about this.
279
Monica, you're going to have to do some damage control here, okay?
280
Because he's feeling like...
281
Hey.
282
Hey, hey.
283
What are you guys talking about?
284
Uh, Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
285
You got a man who's a nanny?
286
You got a manny?
287
You know, I don't mind male nanny but i do draw the line at male wetners oh you're on a roll mister
288
if i'd known you guys were coming over i would have brought more pizza
289
what is so funny about that i don't know it's it's well just the way you say it i mean you're funny.
290
You got that funny thing.
291
You're a funny guy.
292
Did you tell her what we talked about?
293
Yeah.
294
So those were pity laughs?
295
Pity laughs?
296
Honey, listen.
297
You have nothing to worry about with jeffrey oh yeah is
298
he funnier than me well you're you're different funny i mean you're more sarcastic
299
and and well he does bits and impressions and
300
and limericks i i do limericks uh there once was a
301
man named chandler whose wife made him die inside honey you know i think you're hilarious
302
come on you know that joke you told me last week the one about jerry lewis
303
and the girl with the lazy eye that slayed me hey i made up that joke and told it to you
304
not knowing when to shut up yep that's my thing yep
305
well i'm off to tulsa so
306
if your maitre d friend has any funny oklahoma jokes tell him to email me at www .hahanotsomuch .com All right,
307
honey, you can relax.
308
Last night at work, Jeffrey told this really sexist joke.
309
After that, not so funny anymore.
310
Really?
311
See, that's the thing.
312
You gotta keep it smart, people.
313
Okay.
314
Was that polite?
315
You know I love you.
316
I love you, too.
317
And I like you as friends.
318
All right.
319
See you later.
320
See ya.
321
Did the guy really make that joke?
322
Nah, he still kills me.
323
Last night he had me laughing so hard, I swear, a little pee came out.
324
Okay.
325
See?
326
She stole my jeans!
327
What?
328
I have been looking for them all week, and she is wearing them!
329
So, she stole your pants, and then she came back
330
and wore them in front of you don't you see it's
331
the perfect crime she must have been planning this for years
332
i will prove it to you okay about a week ago i was wearing those jeans
333
and i dropped a pin in my lap
334
and it left an ink stain on the crotch now
335
when she comes back i will find it and show you
336
that same shouldn't we give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around
337
her crotch hey you guys check it out check it out guess what job i just got
338
i don't know but donald trump wants his blue blazer black
339
what blue blazer back he wants it back but you said black why would he want his blue blazer black Well,
340
you know what I meant.
341
No, you messed it up.
342
You're stupid.
343
Janice, how are you, Miss Hotshot Chef at the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever?
344
I'm fine.
345
Oh, what is that on your finger?
346
I'm blind. So?
347
who's the lucky guy oh I am
348
so sorry sweetie are you okay you didn't tell her we're
349
getting married did you well she saw the ring did she freak out well she was shocked
350
when I told her but then again so were most people well she actually has a boyfriend of, you know, herself.
351
Name's Clark.
352
She also kind of invited herself to our wedding.
353
Clark, too.
354
You said no, right?
355
Huh?
356
You said no, right?
357
Well, she cornered me.
358
She asked me if the wedding was in town.
359
I mean, what was I supposed to do?
360
Lie!
361
How odd is that?
362
Your checks in the mail.
363
Oh, your baby is so cute.
364
I can't wait to read your book, Ross.
365
Come on, so she comes to the wedding.
366
I mean, we'll be so bad.
367
What, do you think she's just gonna sit there quietly?
368
You don't think she's gonna want to make a toast?
369
You don't think she's gonna want to grab the microphone and sing part -time lover?
370
Oh, my God, she's not gonna like the chicken that night either, is she?
371
You know what?
372
It's gonna be okay.
373
You know what?
374
She's probably not gonna even want to come.
375
Really?
376
No, that was a lie.
377
See how easy that was?
378
So, you would have just lied?
379
Yes.
380
Wouldn't it have really been that easy?
381
Yes.
382
Good, so do it Saturday night, because we're going to dinner with her and Clark.
383
We're already late for Phoebe's birthday dinner, so you're going to put out that cigarette, and we're going to put this fight on hold, and go have sex.
384
Fine.
385
What?
386
Sex!
387
This is the last day that I'm ovulating, and if we don't do it now, then we're gonna have to wait till next month.
388
You're serious?
389
Oh, yeah.
390
All right, fine.
391
I'll do it, but no talking.
392
And no cuddling.
393
And no kissing your neck.
394
Oh, good.
395
I hate it when you do that.
396
And lots of kissing your neck.
397
Okay, let's see.
398
Okay, the turkey's in the oven.
399
The stuffing is ready.
400
You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself.
401
Let me help this year.
402
Aw, Chandler, that's sweet.
403
But you don't have to do everything Dr. Phil tells you to do.
404
I'm serious.
405
Let me do something.
406
Just not the turkey or the stuffing.
407
Nothing high -profile.
408
Oh, the cranberry sauce.
409
It's easy to make, and no one really cares about it.
410
Tell me more.
411
I'm gonna go check on something across the hall.
412
You start by washing these.
413
Okay.
414
Not with soap!
415
You obviously haven't tasted my Paul Mala potatoes.
416
I'm serious.
417
We should tell each other everything.
418
I do not have any secrets from you.
419
Really?
420
Okay, so why don't you tell me what happened to Ross, junior year at Disneyland?
421
Oh, no, no, I can't do that.
422
If you tell me, I'll tell you what Phoebe said.
423
Okay.
424
Okay.
425
So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland, and we stop at this restaurant for tacos.
426
And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car.
427
So Ross has about ten tacos, and anyway, we're on Space Mountain, and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
428
Oh, my God.
429
He threw up?
430
No, he visited a town a little south of throw -up.
431
So what was Phoebe's secret?
432
Nancy Thompson from Phoebe's old massage place is getting fired.
433
That's it?
434
I gave up my Disneyland story for that?
435
That's right.
436
You lose, sucker.
437
How could you tell her?
438
I had to, okay?
439
We're getting married.
440
Married couples can't keep secrets from one another.
441
Oh, really?
442
Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City. Do -root!
443
What happened to Atlantic City?
444
Well, Chandler and I are in a bar.
445
Did you not hear me say, do -root?
446
And this girl is making eyes at Chandler.
447
Okay, so after a while, he goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing.
448
Now, I know what you're thinking.
449
Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and you're right.
450
Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
451
You kissed a guy?
452
You want to tell secrets?
453
Okay, okay.
454
In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers.
455
All right, all right.
456
Chandler entered a vanilla ice look -alike contest and won.
457
Wasp came in fourth and cried.
458
Oh, my God!
459
Oh, is that funny?
460
Oh, you find that funny?
461
Well, maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets, too.
462
I already told him everything.
463
You shush!
464
Once, Monica was sent to a room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made.
465
Ross used to stay home every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls.
466
Monica couldn't tell time until she was 13.
467
It's hard for some people. Of course it is.
468
Chandler, once I wore my underwear to work.
469
Hey!
470
I'm sorry, I couldn't think of any more for Ross.
471
In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm that was you
472
this adoption stuff is so overwhelming there's inter -country adoption dependency adoption
473
there's so many ways to go and this is like the biggest decision of our lives There's a hair in my coffee.
474
Hey, guys.
475
Hey.
476
Hey, have you seen Frank Jr.? Because he's meeting me here with the triplets.
477
You know, it's funny.
478
Every time you say triplets, I immediately think of three hot, blonde 19 -year -olds.
479
That's sweet.
480
Drink your hair.
481
Hey, what's all this stuff?
482
Oh, they're brochures from different adoption agencies.
483
Ooh, babies.
484
Oh, this one is so cute.
485
Get this one.
486
that's not really how it works oh how does it work i don't know
487
well if you're having a hard time you should talk to my friends bill
488
and colleen they adopted a kid i'm sure they'd help you thanks
489
that would be great hey honey wouldn't that be great
490
i'm sorry i thought maybe i'd make some warm milk and it would help me sleep with a walk
491
i thought you were gonna read my boring book to put you to sleep it got interesting damn you oprah
492
here let me make the milk i'm up anyway hey you know what we could do you know now
493
that we're up we could just like talk to each other all night long you know like we did
494
when we were first going out it'd be fun okay
495
that does sound fun yeah so i mean how bummed were you when the second sister died, huh?
496
The second sister dies?
497
No. No, I was talking about the book I was reading.
498
The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
499
That's correct.
500
What?
501
What are you doing?
502
Do you know what just happened?
503
Yeah.
504
We had sex, and then we fell asleep.
505
No, we were in the middle of sex, and you fell asleep.
506
No. No, that's not true.
507
No, best time ever.
508
Yeah, you rocked my world.
509
Monica.
510
What?
511
I was giving you some of my best moves, and you missed it.
512
So please wake up so we can do it right.
513
Okay, okay, I'm ready.
514
Come on, MacMillop.
515
Give me the good stuff.
516
Yeah.
517
No, no, no, don't fall asleep.
518
Okay, I'm going to make you some coffee.
519
Well, I probably won't spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.
520
Okay, I'm up, I'm up.
521
Chandler Bing.
522
Hi, honey, we're all here.
523
We just want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
524
Merry Christmas!
525
Merry Christmas!
526
Oh, Merry Christmas, I miss you guys.
527
Oh, is it horrible?
528
Is everybody working really hard?
529
Uh, well, no, it's just, uh, me and Wendy.
530
Wendy?
531
That sounds like a girl's name.
532
it is did i not tell you about her about the time you told me about new year's eve
533
where's everybody else i sent them home oh you are such a good boss is she pretty
534
uh uh answer faster answer faster i don't know answer better answer better
535
i don't think of her that way you know i mean she's a uh she's a colleague what does she do Oh, she's regional vice president.
536
She's just below me.
537
She did what?
538
Below me.
539
Uh, wait, is Wendy the runner -up Miss Oklahoma?
540
What?
541
Well, she didn't win.
542
All right, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
543
Well, second prettiest that year i mean of all the girls in oklahoma she's probably oh chandler stop talking
544
honey there's really nothing to worry about okay i'm serious okay merry christmas merry christmas merry christmas you guys Blah,
545
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
546
The wife says hi.
547
Ah, fun conversation.
548
Ah, well, she's just got this weird idea that, uh, you know, just because you and I are alone, something's gonna happen.
549
Huh?
550
Really? That be so terrible?
551
This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but You're getting ham on my only tie.
552
Okay.
553
Let's do it.
554
What?
555
Nothing.
556
I've just never seen your little stretchy pants before. And we're changing.
557
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
558
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
559
she's insane the woman is insane it's before work it's after
560
work it's during work she's got me doing butt clenches at my desk and now they won't bring me my
561
mail anymore no no no no no no
562
Monica it's Sunday morning I'm not running on a Sunday why not because it's Sunday.
563
It's God's day.
564
Hey, you say stop, and we stop.
565
Okay.
566
Stop.
567
No, come on.
568
We can't stop.
569
Come on.
570
We got three more pounds to go.
571
I am the energy train, and you are
572
onboard Monica it's 6 30 in the morning we're
573
not working out it's over we're working okay I don't I
574
don't mind the last pound okay in fact I kind of like the last pound okay
575
so don't make me do anything
576
that i'll regret oh what you gonna do fat boy huh
577
what nothing except tell you uh i think it's wonderful how
578
much energy you have wow thanks i mean especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work
579
you know you know i mean you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed.
580
Uh -huh.
581
And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.
582
Well, no, but I...
583
I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.
584
You know, I try to stay positive. So you...
585
you feel like going for a run?
586
All right.
587
Because, you know, you don't have to.
588
If you want, you could just take a nap right here.
589
Okay.
590
Just for a little while.
591
Okay.
592
good work yeah yeah i'm just afraid i'd love him
593
don't worry we'll find you someone else
594
so i've been slowly phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the um cheese side of things.
595
Cheese, you say?
596
That's some pretty smelly work, huh, Dot?
597
Excuse me?
598
Cheese.
599
It's smelly.
600
You must smell a lot of the time, too.
601
Uh, not really.
602
But when it comes to cheese, I'm one of those people who thinks the smellier the better.
603
Me, too.
604
Yeah, Chandler can't stand it.
605
He won't even allow me to have blue cheese in the house.
606
And you're still married to him?
607
I'd like to have Don and Phoebe over.
608
Wouldn't that be nice?
609
Sure.
610
Why don't you set it up?
611
I'll just be over here browsing through the personals. Are you okay?
612
You've been acting weird all afternoon.
613
Yeah, fine.
614
Fine.
615
Not perfect, but good enough.
616
Jeez, what is with you?
617
I'm sorry.
618
Did you say cheese?
619
All right.
620
What's going on?
621
Phoebe thinks that you and Don are soulmates.
622
And I don't believe in that kind of stuff, but then you two totally get along.
623
So, look, I won't stand in your way
624
if you want to run off with Dawn and live in a house of cheese.
625
Taylor, you don't believe in soulmates?
626
No, but I'm sure Tomatoes does.
627
I don't believe in soulmates either.
628
You don't?
629
No. I don't think that you and I were destined to end up together.
630
I think that we fell in love and we work hard at our relationship.
631
Some days we work really hard.
632
So you don't want to live with Donna in the cheese house?
633
No, I've had second thoughts about that.
634
Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
635
Hey.
636
What's the matter?
637
Somebody on the subway licked my neck!
638
Licked my neck!
639
Oh, Willie's still alive.
640
What are you guys doing?
641
Oh, my mom called.
642
They're gonna run our engagement announcement in the local paper, so we're looking for a good picture of us.
643
Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.
644
That's not true.
645
They're great pictures of us.
646
No, they're great pictures of you standing next to a guy who's going like this.
647
Oh, my God, that's the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty.
648
I don't know what it is.
649
I just can't take a good picture.
650
Oh, here's a great one.
651
Yeah, I'm not in that.
652
No, but look at me all tan.
653
Hey, why don't you guys go get portraits done by a professional photographer?
654
It's a great idea.
655
I bet they have one of those wind machines, you know, like...
656
Yeah, that's great.
657
Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid.
658
Chandler, what do you say?
659
All right, but I should warn you, I'm not going.
660
I'm going.
661
great that's great monica great now chandler you want to give us a smile okay
662
i'm sorry is the seat uncomfortable no i am
663
chandler i know you can do this okay you have a beautiful smile i do yeah
664
all right maybe you don't have to smile let's try something else let's try um Um, try looking sexy.
665
Okay. Or not.
666
I know.
667
Let's try a look of far -off wonderment.
668
Okay, we'll gaze into our future, and we'll think about our marriage and the days to come.
669
Okay.
670
Chandler, what is the matter with your face?
671
Wait, this picture's supposed to say Geller and Bing to be married, not local woman saves drowning moron.
672
Hey, don't laugh at him.
673
He's my drowning moron.
674
That's it, that's it.
675
Take it, take it.
676
I like this one.
677
It seems to say I love you, and that's why I have to kill you.
678
It can't all be bad.
679
Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes.
680
Oh, there it is.
681
Oh, my God, those are my bedroom eyes?
682
Why did you ever sleep with me?
683
Do you really want to pull at that thread?
684
Sweet.
685
That's a great smile.
686
Easy, natural.
687
Now, pretend I have a camera.
688
You're changing it.
689
I can't help it.
690
All right, all right, all right, all right.
691
You want to know what I do when I take resume shots?
692
Borrow money from me.
693
Yeah.
694
Okay.
695
First of all, you want to make it look spontaneous, right?
696
Okay, so here's what I do.
697
I look down, look down, keep looking down, then I look up.
698
See?
699
All right, now you try.
700
Look down.
701
You're looking down, keep looking down.
702
Why is the jelly on your shoe?
703
I had a donut.
704
Hey, there you are.
705
There I am.
706
You okay?
707
Yeah, Joey said I needed to relax, so he gave me an antihistamine.
708
What?
709
Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn.
710
Brooklyn is far.
711
Taylor, what were you thinking?
712
No, no, but don't worry, don't worry, because I know how to take a picture now.
713
Okay, see?
714
Look down.
715
Look down.
716
Look down.
717
Chandler?
718
Yeah.
719
Guys, check it out.
720
My mom sent me the paper.
721
Oh, let's see it.
722
Okay.
723
Oh, yeah, that looks good.
724
You guys make a very attractive couple.
725
Yeah, we look great together We really do Okay Wow, imagine what our kids would look like You know,
726
we don't have to imagine I'm marrying her We'll just see Well,
727
then you should look with us Why?
728
Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
729
No, I have a great idea for a present for her Oh, that's it?
730
A great idea, okay?
731
Chandler, that's not enough.
732
I mean, what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and then a bunch of little presents, and you've just gotten her one great present?
733
I mean, that's just gonna make her feel bad.
734
Why would you do that to her, Chandler?
735
Why?
736
Why?
737
If I helped, we could find him faster.
738
That's right.
739
Oh!
740
Oh, we have a live one!
741
Oh, it's a Macy's bag.
742
Yeah.
743
Oh!
744
Oh, who's it for?
745
Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch?
746
P .S.
747
Chandler, I knew they'd break you.
748
Uh -oh.
749
She may be on to us.
750
We are so gonna find them this year.
751
You know, you guys said you were gonna go across the hall and look.
752
You don't do that every year, do you?
753
Yeah.
754
You don't, like, go into the back of my closet and look under my gym bag or anything.
755
No, never do that.
756
Because that's where Joey gave me some sort of story that I've never seen before in my life.
757
I couldn't find anything in Joey.
758
Wait, wait, wait.
759
Yeah, we found them.
760
They were in the guest room closet behind some coats.
761
Yeah, and you have nothing to worry about because they're all crap.
762
Those are my gifts.
763
I got those for you.
764
Oh, thanks, Chandler.
765
They're great.
766
Well, Chandler, then what is this very weird, um, metal A -Z thing?
767
Those are bookends.
768
That's a great gift.
769
Oh, okay.
770
I'm sorry.
771
Thank you for my ass.
772
Oh!
773
Make sure you put all that stuff back in the closet, okay?
774
Yes, okay.
775
Oh, by the way, I just got to say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you'll still keep storing that stuff for Joey.
776
Birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden.
777
Yes, if the presents are hidden south for the winter.
778
Or we could just follow your clever jokes.
779
Any ideas?
780
No?
781
Didn't think so.
782
Okay.
783
Come on, guys.
784
Show us where the presents are.
785
Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage.
786
I wonder what I can get Monica that's as good as garbage.
787
Hmm, how about my ass?
788
Hey.
789
This is hollow.
790
What?
791
This bench, it's hollow.
792
I can't believe I never knew that.
793
Oh, the presents!
794
Oh, no, don't look directly at them!
795
What?
796
All right, no, we could look at them.
797
Oh, this looks for me!
798
Oh, oh, this one's for Chandler.
799
Oh, wait.
800
And the big one's for me.
801
Oh, okay, let's open them.
802
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
803
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
804
We can't do this.
805
Why?
806
I don't want to know what Monica got me, you know?
807
I mean, look, I'm sure she worked really hard at getting me a present and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that.
808
Look, we have to put these back.
809
This is not what Christmas is about.
810
Whatever, Linus, I'm opening mine.
811
Nobody is opening anything, okay?
812
Look, I don't know about you guys, but I want to see the look on Monica's face when I give her my present, and I'm sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine.
813
So please, please, can we just...
814
Can we put them back?
815
Will you get us better gifts?
816
Fine.
817
Hey, guys.
818
You found the presents?
819
Chandler, you let them find the presents?
820
Great.
821
Do you know how long it took me to find you that water purifier?
822
That's what you got me?
823
Oh, yes, I see what you mean.
824
That look is priceless.
825
Hey.
826
Hey.
827
Monica, can I talk you outside for a minute?
828
Oh, no, you guys just stay here.
829
I'm gonna go check your diaper.
830
Pheebs, you wanna come?
831
Oh, I'm kind of part of this.
832
Actually, Pheebs, it's more of a husband and wife kind of thing.
833
I knew I should have married Chandler.
834
okay what's up okay um you know how we always said
835
it would be fun to move to paris for a year you know you could study french cooking
836
and i could write Picnic along the Seine and go wine tasting in Bordeaux.
837
Oh, yes.
838
Okay.
839
You know how people say that Tulsa is the Paris of Oklahoma?
840
What?
841
Who says that?
842
People who have never been to Paris.
843
What's going on?
844
We're moving to Tulsa.
845
Excuse me?
846
Okay, Ms. McKenna, she kind of, uh, works above my boss.
847
She asked me to move to Tulsa and be the president of our office there, and I was sleeping and apparently said yes.
848
Tulsa, Oklahoma?
849
The Sooner State!
850
Whatever that is!
851
Taylor, I don't even want to see the musical Oklahoma!
852
Really?
853
Oh, what a beautiful morning?
854
Surrey with a fringe on top?
855
Are you trying to tell me that we're moving to Oklahoma or that you're gay?
856
All right, not that this matters, but did they at least offer you a huge raise?
857
No, no, but they are going to lease us a Ford Focus.
858
I'll get out of it.
859
Thank you.
860
What is wrong with Emma?
861
Oh, she misunderstood.
862
She thought she was moving to Tulsa.
863
And you know, if I get really hot,
864
I like to pick up this knife and I put the cool steel against, um, my body. Are you all right?
865
Yeah, yeah.
866
I'm fine.
867
It's...
868
What do we got here?
869
20 -year -old male.
870
He's got a severed toe on his right foot.
871
Could you please not do that feet first?
872
You know where his injury is.
873
Severed toe, you just said it.
874
It says here the knife went right through your shoe.
875
Of course it did.
876
They're made of wicker.
877
Did you bring the toe?
878
Oh, yes, I have it right here on ice.
879
Don't worry, son.
880
We'll just reattach it and then...
881
What?
882
What is it?
883
You brought a carrot.
884
What?
885
This isn't your toe.
886
This is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
887
You brought a carrot?
888
Oh, my God.
889
There's a toe in my kitchen.
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questo video contiene 889 frasi e 6332 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 47:52. Chi parla mantiene un ritmo costante di circa 132 parole al minuto, comodo per lo shadowing. Il 84% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| honey sostantivo | /ˈhʌni/ | miele |
| merry aggettivo | /ˈmɛ.ɹi/ | allegro |
| asleep aggettivo | /əˈsliːp/ | addormentato |
| adoption sostantivo | /əˈdɑp.ʃən/ | adozione |
| desk sostantivo | /dɛsk/ | scrivania |
| breast sostantivo | /bɹɛst/ | mammella, poppa |
| hollow aggettivo | /ˈhɑloʊ/ | cavo |
| carrot sostantivo | /ˈkæɹət/ | carota |
| pants sostantivo | /pænts/ | calzoni, pantaloni |
| bedroom sostantivo | /ˈbɛdˌɹum/ | camera da letto, camera |
| knife sostantivo | /ˈnaɪ̯f/ | coltello |
| steal verbo | /stiːl/ | rubare, derubare |
| insane aggettivo | /ɪnˈseɪn/ | insano, pazzo |
| tear verbo | /tɛɹ/ | strappare, dilaniare |
| shoe sostantivo | /ˈʃu/ | scarpa, calzatura |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| come back verbo | tornare | |
| end up verbo | andare a finire, finire | |
| get along verbo | andare d'accordo, ingranare | |
| give up verbo | arrendersi | |
| go out verbo | uscire, andare fuori | |
| make up verbo | /ˌmeɪk ˈʌp/ | comporsi |
| mess up verbo | incasinare | |
| pick up verbo | tirare su, sollevare |
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — un’azione iniziata prima e ancora in corso | have been looking · You've been acting |
| “Used to” used to + verbo — un’abitudine o uno stato passato che non è più vero | used to wear · used to stay |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | Have you lost · haven't thought · we've established |
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | be filled · was sent · were fired |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 278 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come don't, I'm, you're. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: adoption /əˈdɑp.ʃən/, shoe /ˈʃu/, shock /ʃɔk/, wash /wɑʃ/, impression /ɪmˈpɹɛʃn̩/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: disappointed /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnɪd/, difficulty /ˈdɪfɪkəlti/, photographer /fəˈtɑ.ɡɹə.fɚ/, hilarious /hɪˈlɛə.ɹi.əs/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Fai shadowing frase per frase a velocità normale, ripetendo ognuna finché il tuo ritmo coincide con quello di chi parla.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come honey, merry, asleep.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.