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William Urey and Roger Fisher are the founders of the Harvard Negotiation Project.
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They've written a book together titled "Getting to Yes."
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I recently read the book and want to share with you the key lessons.
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According to the book, negotiation isn't about splitting things 50 /50 or insisting on your way or my way.
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It is definitely not about winning or losing.
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If you're asking who is winning, You've already lost.
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So, what is a negotiation about, then?
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Let me give you a few examples and you'll see.
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Two men argue in a library, one wants the window open for fresh air, The other wants it closed to avoid the wind blowing his papers.
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So what do you do?
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Do you leave it half open, a bit open, or closed?
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The librarian listens to both, and then goes and opens the window in another room, bringing in fresh air without disturbing the papers.
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This leaves both sides happy.
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Another example.
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Two people want to share cake, but can't agree on how to divide it fairly.
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Regardless of how you cut it, they will both complain that the other side got a bigger piece.
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So what do you do?
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Well?
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You ask one person to cut the cake, and the other chooses first.
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Since the person cutting knows that the other side picks first, he will split it evenly to avoid getting a smaller piece.
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One last example: Two kids argue over an orange.
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The parent takes the knife, cuts the orange 50 /50, and gives each kid half.
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One kid eats the fruit and throws away the peel, while the other uses the peel to bake a cake and throws the fruit into the trash.
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If the parent had asked why they wanted the orange, both kids could have gotten 100 % of what they wanted.
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but they only got 50%.
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As you can see from these examples, negotiation is about finding a solution that leaves both sides happy Without hurting the relationship.
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So how do you do it?
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How do you find those wise and practical solutions like the ones we just saw?
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Here's a four -step framework that will make you a smarter negotiator.
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Step number one.
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Focus on interests.
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not physicians.
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Remember the story about the two men arguing over a window in the library?
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It illustrates a common problem in negotiations where people focus too much on their positions, Instead of arguing about positions,
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Shift your focus, to interest.
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The benefits of focusing on interests are obvious, but doing it can be hard.
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Positions are clear and specific.
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Interests might be hidden or vague.
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So how do you find the interests of the other side?
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Simply ask why.
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Why do they want what they want?
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Try to see things from their point of view.
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Once you discover their underlying interests, Talk about them openly.
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People listen better if they feel understood.
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They think those who understand them are smart and kind.
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If you want them to listen to your interests, Start by showing you care and understand theirs.
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Of course, you need to communicate your interests as well the other side might not know them.
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To turn your interests into real options, ask yourself If they agree with me tomorrow, what do I want them to do?
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Step number two.
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Use fair standards.
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No matter how well you understand what the other side wants, conflicts will always pop up.
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You want lower rent, but your landlord wants it higher.
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Instead of arguing back and forth, Use objective criteria to decide.
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Recall the cake example?
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When two men couldn't share a cake, having one man divide it and the other choose first is based on a fair standard.
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Objective criteria are unbiased rules that don't depend on personal opinions.
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Examples of this can be market prices, legal requirements, expert opinion, or fair standards that you both agree on.
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In negotiation, often people resist agreeing because they feel like you're demanding it.
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But if you say, Let's check the rules or regulations.
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It shifts focus from what you want to what the rules say.
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Suddenly, it's not you demanding it, but the rules.
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For example, if your house construction contract doesn't specify how deep the foundations should be, and the contractor suggests two feet,
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while you think five feet is the standard, Don't just compromise.
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Instead, say: Look, maybe I'm wrong.
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Maybe two feet is enough.
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Does the government have standard specifications for these soil conditions?
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What is the earthquake risk here?
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Where do you suggest we look for standards to resolve this question?
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Here is how you can apply this principle effectively.
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Before you start, figure out some fair standards together with the other side.
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For example, say, "You want a high price, and I want a low one." Let's figure out what a fair price would be.
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What standards should we use?
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By focusing on fair standards, you can turn a clash of interests into a shared goal.
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Step number three: invent options for mutual gain.
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Recall the example of the kids fighting over an orange, instead of splitting it 50 /50, they could have found a way for both to get 100 % of what they wanted.
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This scenario highlights the importance of inventing options for mutual gain in negotiations.
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So, how do you invent creative solutions then?
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Here's how.
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Simply get together with your side or with the other side and brainstorm about all the possible solutions.
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Let the ideas flow freely.
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Don't judge or pick any of the ideas in the first stage.
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Separate the brainstorming from the selection session.
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For brainstorming, choose a few participants.
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change the environment, Design an informal atmosphere.
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Define the purpose After brainstorming, start with the most promising ideas.
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Then, discuss ways to improve them.
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People often assume differences in negotiation create problems, yet these differences can lead to solutions.
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Remember the orange example?
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A wise solution was possible because each side wanted different parts of the orange.
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It's absurd to think your differences lead to the problem.
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It's actually the differences that lead to creative solutions.
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Step number four.
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separate the people from the problem.
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Before starting a negotiation, visualize a vertical line splitting a person down the middle.
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On one side is the person, and on the other side is the problem.
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Always put the person first and the problem second.
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Negotiators are people first.
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Your goal in negotiation is to be soft on the person, but hard on the problem.
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Often, we are soft on the person, so we end up being soft on the problem as well and we don't get what we want.
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or were hard on the problem but also end up being hard on the person, damaging the relationship.
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Be soft on the person, Compliment whenever you can and appreciate the effort.
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At every negotiation stage, ask yourself, Am I paying enough attention to the people problem?
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People have different viewpoints.
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their egos are easily threatened.
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They see the world from their perspective, often confusing their perceptions with reality.
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They frequently misinterpret your words and fail to communicate their true intentions.
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Remember, you must deal not only with their problems, but also with your own.
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Your anger and frustration can block agreement as well.
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Your perceptions may be one -sided, and you might not be listening or communicating effectively.
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One of the best ways to prevent people problems is by building a relationship with the other side before.
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The negotiation starts.
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Negotiating with someone you know is easier than with a stranger.
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So arrive early to chat and stay a bit afterward.
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Get to know their likes and dislikes.
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These informal interactions make future negotiations a lot easier.
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Multiple studies show that simply getting to know the other side increases the success rate, by 25 to 30 percent.
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Okay.
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Now you might say, "All these four steps sound fair and nice, but what if the other side isn't playing by fair rules?" What if they use dirty tactics?
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What if they are more powerful?
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Or what if they attack me personally?
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Here's how to deal with each of these situations.
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Let's start with Dirty Tactics.
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People lie and use various pressure tactics.
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Recognizing these tricks often neutralizes them, Mention it directly.
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"Joe, it seems like you and Ted are playing good cop and bad cop.
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If you need a break to get on the same page, just ask." Mentioning the tactic makes it less effective and may make the other side worry about losing you.
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Just raising a question can be enough to end it.
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However, be careful, Avoid personal attacks.
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Focus on the problem, not the person.
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Instead of saying, "You put me facing the sun deliberately," say, The sun in my eyes is distracting.
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Can we adjust the schedule and meet later?
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I can't concentrate like this.
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What if they are more powerful?
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If the other side has big guns, don't turn the negotiation into a gunfight.
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The best thing you can do is to develop your BATNA.
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Best alternative to a negotiated agreement.
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Think how you would feel walking into a job interview with no other offers.
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Think how difficult the salary negotiation would go.
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Now contrast that with how you would feel walking into an interview with two other job offers.
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The difference is power.
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the more easily you can walk away from a negotiation, the greater your power.
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Developing your BATNA not only enables you to determine what a minimally acceptable agreement it will probably raise that minimum.
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Always develop your BATNA before negotiating.
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Don't say, Let's negotiate first and see what happens.
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Without BATNA, you're negotiating blindly.
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What if they attack you personally?
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When they attack you instead of the problem, things get tough.
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You want a fair solution, but they tear down your ideas.
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It's natural to defend yourself, but that leads nowhere.
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You push, they push back, and soon you're stuck.
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So what do you do?
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Use negotiation jujitsu.
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Sidestep their attacks.
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Here's how.
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1. Look behind their position.
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When they say what they want, don't just say yes or no. Ask why they want it.
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Understand what is really important to them.
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2. If they keep rejecting anything you say, then ask for their advice.
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If you were me, what would you do?
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They will put themselves in your shoes and give you the solutions.
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3. Invite criticism.
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Instead of defending your ideas, Ask them what's wrong with them.
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This will help you learn about their interests.
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I would like to conclude this video with a great story that explains what negotiation truly is.
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In 1964, an American father and his 12 -year -old son were playing frisbee in Hyde Park, London.
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Few people in England had seen a frisbee before, so a small crowd gathered.
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After a while, a man approached and asked, Sorry to bother you.
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I've been watching you for 15 minutes.
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Who's winning?
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In negotiations, asking "who's winning" is like asking that in a marriage.
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If you're focused on winning, you've missed the point.
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The real goal is working together and finding a solution that satisfies both sides' interests.
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I hope this was a useful video.
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Thanks for watching.
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione di livello B2 si basa sul video “This Book Will Teach You How Expert Negotiators Get to Yes”. Le parole che ritornano più spesso: negotiation, interest, solution, example, fair. Questo video contiene 174 frasi e 1853 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 11:29. Chi parla ha un ritmo naturale di circa 161 parole al minuto, vicino a una conversazione quotidiana. Il 86% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare. 28 delle sue 174 frasi sono domande: un buon esercizio per l’intonazione interrogativa e le risposte brevi.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
Le 15 parole più avanzate del video, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| negotiation sostantivo | /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/ | negoziato, negoziazione |
| negotiate verbo | /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/ | negoziare |
| brainstorming sostantivo | brainstorming | |
| invent verbo | /ɪnˈvɛnt/ | inventare |
| tactics sostantivo | /ˈtæktɪks/ | tattica |
| criterion sostantivo | /kɹaɪˈtɪɹ.i.ən/ | criterio |
| negotiator sostantivo | /nɪˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪ.tə/ | negoziatore, negoziatrice |
| peel verbo | /piːl/ | pelare, sbucciare |
| informal aggettivo | /ɪnˈfɔɹ.m(ə)l/ | informale |
| divide verbo | /dɪˈvaɪd/ | dividere, dividersi |
| perception sostantivo | /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/ | percezione |
| blindly avverbio | /ˈblaɪndli/ | alla cieca, a tentoni |
| jujitsu sostantivo | /ˌd͡ʒuːˈd͡ʒɪtsuː/ | jujutsu, jujitsu |
| neutralize verbo | /ˈnutɹəˌlaɪz/ | neutralizzare |
| sidestep verbo | /ˈsaɪdˌstɛp/ | eludere |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Significato |
|---|---|
| end up verbo | andare a finire, finire |
| figure out verbo | scoprire, rendersi conto |
| pop up verbo | spuntare, saltare fuori |
| throw away verbo | buttare via |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- Do you leave it half open, a bit open, or closed?
- What standards should we use?
- Can we adjust the schedule and meet later?
- What if they attack you personally?
- If you were me, what would you do?
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | might be hidden · is based · are unbiased |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | They've written · You've already lost · you've missed |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 24 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come don't, you're, can't. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, theirs /ðɛɚz/, earthquake /ˈɝθkweɪk/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, negotiator /nɪˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪ.tə/, perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, visualize /ˈvɪʒuəˌlaɪz/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, criterion /kɹaɪˈtɪɹ.i.ən/, negotiator /nɪˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪ.tə/, misinterpret /ˌmɪs.ɪnˈtɜː.pɹɪt/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Inizia a velocità 0,75×, fai shadowing frase per frase e torna alla velocità normale quando diventa facile.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come negotiation, negotiate, brainstorming.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.