쉐도잉 연습: how I’ve changed in a year (& why I feel more myself than ever) - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

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What is it like to feel like a completely different person in just one year?

First off, cheers while I drink my TCM beverage.

So this is something that I've been drinking after I have my period.

So after you end your period, this is a concoction of herbs to help you restore your blood and your vitality.

Don't ask me what's in it.

I really don't know what's in it, but Wilson's mom is friends with a Chinese doctor, and so I've been doing this.

I feel like a completely different person than who I was a year ago, and I haven't been posting as much about my personal life on YouTube,

and I thought it was overdue that I just do a sit down chat and just talk about where I am now, how far I've come in the past year.

Just a year ago, I was feeling like I was at the edge of the end of a chapter

and at the beginning of a new chapter, but I wasn't quite sure what it was or how it would unfold.

I spent a solo trip going to Korea and China.

I visited my dad after six years.

I made a video about it, but that was also a very healing experience where I felt like through our conversations and talks,

I was able to get everything off my chest, say everything that I ever wanted, and also ask all the questions that I ever wanted.

And going through that experience, it really was a huge internal breakthrough for me, where when I came back from that trip,

I felt the most empowered I had ever felt.

And it just felt so amazing.

I felt like there was nothing more for me to be afraid of

because no one else in my life was as scary as my dad was, as facing those big fears that I've had all my life.

And so that's an example of an experience that happened last year that kind of,

I felt like it kick-started my confidence in just going full force into the uncertain and into the unknown.

Because just a couple months after that, I put out a survey and a video asking you guys, If I were to create an app, what would you want from me?

And I got the idea of Resonance, creating an app for my meditations, affirmations, kind of like a sound sanctuary with sound healing.

And it was just an idea literally less than a year ago.

I think it came to me in June.

And in June is when I started exploring vibe coding, prototyping using AI and be like, okay, how does this work?

I learned a lot.

Honestly, it was the year before, 2024, that I already had this feeling that I wanted to do something new,

something different, and I was exploring tech, but it was nothing more than just an exploration.

And it really was about a year ago in June that I really locked in.

I'm like, okay, I'm going to commit.

I'm going to do this, and I'm just going to see what happens.

And so since June, we've been designing, developing, working on the app, and I launched it in February, technically.

The app has been live and running for the past three months.

I have felt such a change, such a shift in identity from last year to now, because of obviously how I've been spending my time.

I've been doing something completely new with a completely new team

and putting my energy into just building this new thing and seeing it come to life, having a vision and seeing it come to life.

and it really gave me so much new inspiration.

It helped me release so much of what I was holding onto from my previous identity as a YouTuber,

creator, or influencer.

And it really helped me let go of the things that don't really matter, but the things that I held onto so strongly.

For example, I'm pretty sure you've noticed, but I'm now at a place where I don't feel like I have to post videos consistently

because it's not what defines me anymore.

As a creator and influencer, if you were to hold onto that identity, creating and outputting content, being seen consistently,

is kind of tied to your sense of self-worth.

Previously, in my creator mindset, I had to tie how often and how consistent I was with showing up with my success,

with my worth, because if you stopped posting, people would stop watching and then your income goes down.

It's kind of like being seen and creating and outputting equates to survival for a creator's lifestyle.

For a while, it was working that way and things were flourishing that way, but in the past two years, I noticed that that's not the way I wanted to live my life anymore.

I did not want to force the output consistently.

I do not want to feel like my worth was tied to how many people were seeing my content

or how the numbers were doing.

And I really wanted to be able to build something that was stronger,

more long-lasting, and something that I didn't have to show up and consistently create and be outputting all the time.

Because we are not machines.

Humans are not machines.

And I think after creating content consistently for over a decade, you get to a point where you're like,

this is just a hamster wheel and I'm not going to keep creating at this rate for the sake of creating, for the sake of staying afloat.

I feel like being a creator sometimes feels like you're just dog paddling in water and you just can't stop.

Yeah, you can take a break, maybe you can hold on to a floatie, but after a while, you still have to keep dog paddling, and everyone around you is dog paddling and swimming and creating.

It could be fun for some people who are new at it, and maybe some people who are really passionate in that zone,

but I felt like I have matured past that zone of dog paddling, of hamster wheeling.

And so I really wanted to create a life where I want to be creative on my own terms, at my own pace, in my own flow,

with my own energy, meaning I don't have to force it all the time.

And in order to do that, I needed a new system.

I needed a new container.

I needed something

that could be my business where I don't have to create constantly the way it is for a creator on YouTube.

You guys have probably noticed, but I haven't done a brand deal in a year as well.

Literally the past decade, my main income as a creator was brand deals.

That's how YouTubers make money.

We make some money from the ads that you see on the video.

We make most of the money from brand deals.

I make some money from my shop, like the Artist of Life workbook.

But this, I would say like most years it's good and some years it's just break even.

It's like hit or miss.

And so I really just needed something different.

And so that led me down the path of, let's create something that can live on without me.

and let's create something that can be a container that can help people in their day-to-day

without me having to show up and create consistently every single day or every single week.

So now I'm in a place where I feel so much more free.

I feel less tied to needing to show up all the time online.

I have less of a need for the numbers to be amazing all the time.

I understand that there are the ebbs and flows in my business and in my life.

I call it like you have your expansion years and then you have your contraction years.

And it's actually in your contraction years where those are the years where you can do more self-reflection and decide, do I still want this?

And if I do not, then what else is out there for me?

How can I pivot?

How can I find what else is new for me?

What else fits the current version of me better?

That's what I call this process of consistently staying aligned.

And as you consistently stay aligned to what you want right now, you naturally evolve, you naturally grow.

Because the truth is, if you are staying true to yourself and what you want, you're not going to want the same things forever.

Things will change.

You will change.

Your values will change.

The way you spend your time might change.

Of course, there's always going to be those core, very core things that we want to have in our lives.

We want joy, love, family, friends, just beautiful experiences.

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Of course, I'm not talking about that, but I'm talking about how you reach those core emotions that you want.

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What brought me joy 10 years ago is not what might bring me joy now.

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And what inspires me now is not what used to inspire me back then.

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and I can't force myself to continue creating the same way I used to

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or continue being the same person that I used to because I have changed.

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I am just different.

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My energy is different.

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I feel much more relaxed and much more at ease with everything that I do.

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And this is a big part of what I've been working on in terms of holding the expansion

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and the growth in my life, like feeling safe through expansion.

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I made a diary of becoming video about feeling safe upon expansion.

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It's basically learning nervous system regulation, which is huge.

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So I really have been working on that and I feel like

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even though things are still uncertain and difficult and I'm going through ups and downs every day,

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I have a greater sense of safety and peace and it's all going to be okay.

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So I don't have to rush.

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I don't have to stress myself out about anything because if it's important, it's going to get done.

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I will get to it.

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It will happen.

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I don't have to be this energy.

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I think sometimes I used to have that anxiety energy, that energy of like, oh my god, I must do this right now,

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and this sense of urgency and the sense of control.

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And I think so much of nervous system regulation is practicing feeling safe through it all and releasing that need to control,

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releasing that need to act right away on your impulses and just be like, it's fine.

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So I'm really now at a place where if I feel tired, I will take a nap.

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I will choose not to work and I will just push it to tomorrow.

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I just flow with my energy.

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And I know there are some days where my energy is amazing and I get so much done in a day.

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And then there are other days where it's just not working for me and the energy is not there.

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And so I allow myself to not work.

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I allow myself to lay around, to watch TV, read a book, to do nothing.

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I allow myself without feeling guilty.

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And I truly don't feel guilty because I know it's just one of those days and I will have another time, another phase where the energy is higher.

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And it's okay.

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In life, I feel like you have to experience the two extremes in order to then recalibrate

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and find the right balance for you.

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Very beginning of my YouTube journey, before I started Lavendaire, I was very flaky and not good with being consistent.

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So when I started Lavendaire, I made it a point to be consistent, to post every single week, to show up, to have a schedule, to have a routine.

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And I had to learn how to be consistent.

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I had to learn how to commit and have a routine and follow through.

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And so I felt like I had a structure, a really good structure for a while.

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And then I had some years where I totally just let it out the window.

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Like just stop, just pause everything, don't post, don't do anything.

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and I went on that extreme of being a little bit too soft, too flowy.

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Nothing was happening and I was feeling lower and lower.

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I've been there too.

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And so now I feel like I understand my energy.

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I understand myself and I understand where to draw certain boundaries and where to let myself have freedom and ease. And

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so that's why I feel like I've gotten to a place

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where it's easier for me to flow with my energy and to follow my energy where it goes.

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Because I know I'm not going to veer off too much where I'm going to lose myself.

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So I think that's the key is that when someone who is an amateur, who hasn't gone through the practice and the rigor and the routine,

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they hear the advice of just follow your energy.

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When you have the energy, do it.

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When you don't have the energy, don't it's someone might not have the discipline to understand where the edges are.

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So that's why I had to remind you that sometimes lessons have

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so much nuance and you can't take it for face value.

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You have to know that everyone is different

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and everybody has to experience the range in order to find the perfect balance and structure of what works for them.

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Another change I felt in this identity shift is caring so much less about being liked.

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And that's something that I struggled with for a lot of my life.

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I am more of a people pleaser, used to care more about being liked or being approved,

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being accepted, not rocking the boat too much, anti-confrontation type of person.

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And now I'm just less afraid.

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Now I just fully embrace myself and I feel okay with just being myself because at the end of the day,

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I like me.

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I love myself.

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I support myself.

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I got my own back.

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Everything that I do, I can stand behind because I support me.

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So if I'm my own biggest fan, why would I be afraid to express myself in any way?

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So I felt less of that, like, oh, I'm worried about what people think.

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Ooh, that kind of looks weird.

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I feel less of that now.

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I think it comes with age, more self-love, self-confidence, just feeling so much more self-worth as you get older.

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But it's obviously also because of the internal work that I've been doing all of these years, changing my thoughts, changing my self-talk,

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and really supporting myself the entire way.

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And I think the more you embrace yourself, the more you love yourself through your journey,

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You're just going to continue making the best decisions for yourself.

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You're going to make the choices to support your greatest good.

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And if you live that way, there's no way you will be unhappy because you are living for yourself.

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You are putting yourself first.

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Everything that I do, every choice, every decision that I make is for my best interest.

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It's for my happiness.

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It's for my success.

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It's all for me.

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And so I don't regret anything.

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And I love living life that way.

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And I realized this is how life should be lived.

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And most people do not live that way.

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Most people let so many judgments and insecurities get in the way.

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That's also why I feel much more free in my life.

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I feel so much love and support for myself.

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And so if I have a dream, if I have a desire, I will do whatever it is to get there because I support myself.

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I support my dreams.

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I support my desires.

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It sounds obvious.

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To me, it's obvious now, but I know that my younger self, it was not obvious then.

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So yeah, there's nothing to be afraid of.

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There's no reason to be afraid of not being liked or being cringed because if you like yourself,

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if you can support yourself in all that you do, in all that you are, all the ways you choose to express yourself, then you're good.

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Of course, we all still have flaws and weaknesses that we can work on to improve, but self-love is embracing all of that too.

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I don't cringe at my weaknesses and the parts that are not perfect because I know that's a work in progress.

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The difference between an artist that looks at their art, like, oh, that's so bad.

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I don't want to look at it, right?

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You know how a lot of artists, they don't want to see their work because it's so cringe, because it's not ideal.

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It's a difference between that versus someone looking at that same piece of art, being like, it's not great, but I learned this from this.

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It's a work in progress.

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I acknowledge that it could be better objectively, but this was my very best at the moment and I embraced that.

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And there's a different energy there.

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You're not judging yourself anymore.

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I don't judge myself as hard anymore as I used to.

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And when you judge yourself less, you also judge other people less.

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You understand that everybody else is just doing their best.

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Everybody is an imperfect human being.

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I just feel more allowing, more allowing to myself and more allowing to others.

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Let me know down below, how do you feel like you've changed the most in this past year?

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Give me a before and after.

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Who were you a year ago and who are you now and how are you different?

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I'd love to know.

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I also think that when you have less of

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that need to prove yourself anymore and you have developed that level of self-love for yourself, then you can truly show up as your most confident,

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glowing, and relaxed self in every single room that you enter.

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And I've found that that makes you even more magnetic than ever before,

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because I think it's that relaxed energy of just knowing you are great, knowing you have some value, some worth, right?

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Knowing you are worthy, knowing you are lovable, knowing you are loved and loving yourself.

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People feel that.

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And I think naturally that has brought more opportunities to me.

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I feel like I just used to have more anxiety and more like, ooh, I care about this, I care about that.

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Because you care, you have this anxious energy around it.

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I feel like now I'm able to be more relaxed everywhere I go and more trusting.

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I love myself.

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I believe in myself.

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I will show up as my best self in this moment.

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And if it goes well, great.

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If it doesn't, that's fine too.

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Maybe that's how it was meant to go.

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I'm not too hard on myself.

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To sum it up, it's more a state of relaxation, ease, and confidence.

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It doesn't mean that I'm trying less.

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It doesn't mean that I'm working less hard than I used to.

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I have a lot of goals, right?

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So I am still working towards something every day, but I have less pressure that I put on myself.

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I have less pressure to achieve something by a certain deadline.

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I just have less of that control, that need for control, that need for, like I must get this done.

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This must happen.

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This must happen.

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I feel like I'm more flowy with life.

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I'm more accepting, allowing, trusting, relaxed.

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Sometimes I do care a little bit too much,

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but ultimately compared to who I was before, very different, more chill.

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Let me know if you have any questions for me

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if you have anything that you want me to talk about in this casual sit-down style.

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I think most of my videos will probably be in this style now, where it's just me sharing my thoughts and ideas on a topic.

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I don't think I'm going to do vlogging as much.

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Diary of Becoming, I'm taking a break because apparently the format doesn't do so well.

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I think I will do it when I am inspired.

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So again, the theme of my YouTube and my life right now is

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if I have the energy and the inspiration for it, I will do it.

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Otherwise, I have my cornerstone projects that I am focused on.

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So I am focused on Resonance, creating content for Resonance, and promoting Resonance.

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Number two is working on my book.

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I say that, I won't say anymore because it's such a project I've been procrastinating on.

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And then third is working on the next version of the Artist of Life workbook.

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Yes, we already started.

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I already have the colors set.

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I might tease the colors earlier this year because I kind of want to understand what percentage of colors I should order.

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Like, should I do more of one color over the other?

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I think those are my three main priorities for the rest of this year, honestly.

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That's going to be my life this year, and when I have the inspiration and the creative drive, I will share something on YouTube.

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Thanks so much for hanging out with me today, sending you so much love, and I'll see you in the next one.

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Bye!

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FOR YOU

이 비디오로 영어 말하기 연습하는 이유

일상적인 대화에서 자연스럽게 감정과 경험을 표현하는 건 영어 스피킹의 핵심입니다. 이 비디오는 화자가 지난 1년간의 변화를 솔직하게 이야기하면서, 감정적 진실성과 구체적인 경험 설명을 담고 있어 실제 의사소통에 필요한 표현을 익히기에 최적입니다. 특히 shadow speech나 영어 쉐도잉 연습에 좋은데, 화자의 느린 말투와 자연스러운 패턴을 따라하면 리듬과 억양을 익힐 수 있습니다. IELTS 스피킹에서도 중요한 개인적인 경험 이야기나 변화에 대한 분석을 연습할 수 있어, 실전에서 자신감을 키우는 데 도움이 됩니다.

문맥 속 문법과 표현

"I felt like a completely different person": "feel like"은 "~인 것 같다"가 아니라 "~와 같은 느낌이다"로 사용되며, 자신의 상태를 표현할 때 자주 씁니다. 예: "After the trip, I felt like I could do anything."
"It really was like a huge internal breakthrough": "like"을 사용해 비유를 하면서 구체적인 느낌을 전달합니다. 이 표현은 복잡한 감정을 간단히 설명할 때 유용합니다.
"I didn't have to post videos consistently": "have to"의 부정형은 "필요 없다"는 뜻이 아니라 "강요되지 않는다"는 의미로, 자신의 선택을 강조할 때 사용됩니다. IELTS 스피킹에서 "의무 vs 선택"을 논할 때 자주 쓰입니다.

발음의 함정

이 비디오에서 주의해야 할 발음이 몇 가지 있습니다. "concoction"은 "콘콕션"이 아니라 "컨커션"으로 발음해야 하며, "vitality"는 "바이탈리티"가 아니라 "바이탈리티" (t가 약하게 발음됨)입니다. 특히 영어 발음 교정이 필요한 부분은 연음입니다. "kinda like"는 "카인다 라이크"가 아니라 "카인다 라이크" (d가 약해짐)로 발음하며, "I've been doing"은 "아이브 빈 두잉"이 아니라 "아이브 빈 두잉" (v와 b의 구분이 모호해질 수 있으니 주의하세요). 이런 부분을 주의하면서 shadowspeak 연습을 하면 발음 정확도가 크게 향상됩니다.

이 영상의 문법

화자가 가장 많이 쓰는 문형을 영상 속 실제 표현과 함께 정리했습니다.

문형	영상 속 표현
현재완료진행 have/has been + -ing — 전에 시작해 지금도 계속되는 동작	I've been drinking · I've been doing · haven't been posting
조건문 if + 절, will/would + 동사 — 조건과 그 결과	if you stopped posting, people would stop · if I feel tired, I will take · if I have a desire, I will do
“used to” used to + 동사 — 지금은 아닌 과거의 습관이나 상태	used to have
현재완료 have/has + 과거분사 — 과거의 일이 지금도 관련이 있을 때	I've come · I've had · has been

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

섀도잉 방법: 단계별 전체 가이드 읽기 →

쉐도잉 연습: how I’ve changed in a year (& why I feel more myself than ever) - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

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쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법