Shadowing Practice: How To Know If Someone Is Actually Right For You - Learn English Speaking with Video
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We've all heard the saying, you do not get to choose the family you were born into, however you do choose the family that you grow into.
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I'm Cam, I'm 21, I get the internet perspective and my goal is to impact the world in one post at a time.
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Today I will be teaching you how to choose a good partner.
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A lot of people date backwards, they meet someone, they feel the chemistry and then they imagine a future and then later on they start asking, are we actually compatible?
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But what most people don't realize is by then, you already want that answer to be yes regardless whatever.
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And then we start excusing things, we lower our standards, we ignore mismatches, and then we start trying to turn a person's potential and force that into compatibility.
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But I don't want that for you.
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Because the faster you emotionally commit to a person, the harder it becomes to evaluate whether this relationship is what you need.
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You would think we're starting this off talking about what
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that person should look like for you
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and no we're not talking about them we're going to talk about you
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because you cannot choose the right person
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if you don't even know what right looks like for yourself we're going to use four things
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and i promise they will help you to identify better partners
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and make better decisions let's get straight into it first things first you have to know yourself
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and i mean like actually know yourself the reality is not a lot of people know themselves
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and that really seeps in into how they express themselves
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or how they look for partners i want someone who's funny attractive
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and nice okay everyone does i'm talking about what kind of
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life are you trying to build for yourself what do you
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believe what do you value how do you communicate what are
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your non -negotiables do you want children does religion matter to you how important is money family ambition affection independence
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because i want you to imagine something you really want kids kids are cool for you
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and then you meet someone who's attractive kind funny
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but absolutely does not want kids see now you don't have a chemistry problem you have a compatibility problem
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or maybe your faith you believe in god
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or whatever religion you believe in and you that's
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so important to you right and then you start dating someone who constantly belittles it
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or doesn't even believe it all
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and just makes it look smaller than it actually is for you see now beautiful boys
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and girls you can really like
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that person you can have great chemistry you guys can have amazing dates
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and you can still not be compatible i need us to
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understand this clearly compatibility is not do i enjoy you compatibility
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is can who you are coexist with the life i'm trying to build
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and you can't identify what compatibility is if you've never identified it for yourself
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but i'm not the guy who just gives you insights i'm
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the guy who gives you advice here's what i want you
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to actually do today open your notes app you're going to
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make three simple lists the life i want what i need in a partner
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and what i cannot build around i want you to be ultra specific here
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because this is how you actually find out who you're going to become
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and who you want to be in your life you can't
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say things like oh they need to be nice that's a given okay
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that everyone wants someone who's nice you You can write something like, we need to be able to communicate or disagree without them insulting me.
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People have conversations and conflicts and it gets really violent.
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People can be nice, but people can be very disrespectful when communication is brought into the picture.
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So define that for yourself.
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Do you want someone who can communicate with you and doesn't turn things into disrespectful combat?
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You don't write something like family matters, family matters that should be a given.
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You write something like, I want children
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and I need someone who genuinely wants to raise them too
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because anyone can want kids but are you ready are you active enough to be in
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that child's life and grow with them
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and grow for them do not write i want someone ambitious that's too broad that's too vague
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and honestly that's a little too high of a bar you
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will write i need someone who takes their future seriously
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because it's one thing for you to not have goals
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because it's one thing for you to just be living your life
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and it's another to actually have goals having someone who has goals
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and has a sense of purpose and direction
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that is something you should be looking for in a partner it is
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so important that you understand
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if you cannot define what you are looking for you are
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going to choose based off of what feels good in the
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moment separate chemistry from compatibility guys guys guys chemistry is dangerous
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when you confuse it for evidence when you feel butterflies for a person
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that just means
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that person can affect you right seeing them being around them
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talking to them it makes you feel a kind of way that doesn't automatically mean that person is good for you.
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It just means they make you feel something.
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So here's how the timeline usually goes.
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You see someone nice, you meet them on Monday, right?
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And you're texting until 4 a .m.
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And you figure out, wow, this person is amazing.
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Tuesday, you start texting them more and you're planning a date on Wednesday.
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You go on the date Wednesday.
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It's an amazing date.
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Thursday night, you're planning the next date and you guys are talking great. And Friday.
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You tell yourself, I've never connected with anyone like this in my life.
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Maybe, maybe you've never connected with anyone like that.
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But guys, it has only been five days.
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It's not even a week yet.
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You know how they flirt.
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You know what music they like.
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Maybe you guys did some trauma dumping.
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So now you know their childhood.
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Because somehow maybe we got there on Tuesday night when we were talking on the phone till 4am.
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But you do not know how they handle anger.
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You don't know how they handle their money.
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You don't know if they keep promises.
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You don't know how they respond when you tell them no.
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and you don't know who they become when they stop trying to impress you
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when the butterflies have faded guys i'm not trying to be the rain on your parade
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but what you have is intensity it's not evidence
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and recently i just heard a podcast
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that psychology actually has a name for people like this for people who tend to fall in love too quickly
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and easily it's called emophilia i want you to look
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that up on your own it's it's an actual psychological trait
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and it's not a diagnosis But people higher in emophilia tend to just go deeper into the whole romance cycle.
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They just tend to fall in love literally faster.
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So if you can think back and realize that, oh my God, maybe you actually did fall in love with someone too fast.
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Okay, I need you to pause.
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If this is you, listen very carefully.
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Feeling emotions fast does not mean you have to choose fast.
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There is a big difference.
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You can say, I really like this person.
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And you can also say, but I don't know them yet both can be true and
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if you realize that
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that is maturity you can't always control how quickly your heart
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responds to a person these are feelings right you fall in
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love fast you catch feelings it's normal you can't control
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that what you do control however is how fast you give another person a permanent position in your life so
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if you know you're the type of person who falls fast
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for another person i need you to just give yourself a
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rule this is what i want to teach you Do not make major emotional decisions during the emotional rush.
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Don't start planning your entire future after two incredible weeks.
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Don't ignore something very important that you've noticed.
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Maybe a red flag because I really like them.
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No, guys, guys, no. The moment you feel yourself getting attached, you need to ask yourself, what do I actually know about this person?
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And then ask, what am I hoping is just true?
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Because we tend to have two different versions.
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The versions of the person we see right in front of us and the versions we have of them in our head.
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So if this is someone you find yourself falling really deeply in love with fast, you need to stop yourself.
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Open the notes app again, two columns, facts and assumptions.
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Write down what you know and write down what you're already assuming and planning and fantasize.
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This one exercise will save you from confusing the person you have right in front of you
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with the person you have in your head.
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I really don't want you falling too fast and then you end up hurting, okay?
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No. Third, you have to observe this is where time becomes your best friend
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because people can say a lot of things someone can tell
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you i'm super respectful i'm super nice i'm caring okay
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but you need to watch them when things don't go their way
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when situations come up and they are put in positions where how they feel
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contradicts what they say how do they show up for you
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this is what you really really need to watch for
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because they can tell you they're respectful
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but the moment you tell them no they get mad
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and they start making you do something you don't want to do they could tell you they're great at communication
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or communication is important to them but then you guys have your first disagreement
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and they don't they don't even try to fix anything they shut down they walk away
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or they completely disregard your emotions and most importantly anyone can say i take accountability
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but when they mess up watch how they take care of
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that are they able to accept it are they able to
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fix it those are the things you really really need to
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watch out for the thing with us as people is
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that we can describe ourselves beautifully there is no one else
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that can talk about us better than us
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so you need to watch what a person shows you need to watch what they become
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when being a good partner costs them something
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so take for example let's say um you tell them like hey i'm not comfortable with
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that thing whatever it is right and
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if the person you're with right they listen they ask questions
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they actually try to understand you maybe they disagree right
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but they don't punish you for having a boundary all these
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things are good signs of a good person now a bad
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sign they pout they pressure you they mock you they disrespect
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you you know they give you the silent treatment make you
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feel bad about something they do all these things until your boundaries disappear
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that singular moment is what will tell you more about this
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person than all the chemistry all the amazing dates in the world you may have both had
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and it is
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so important you watch how they treat people the way they
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interact with other people matters a lot their family waiters at
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restaurants homeless people people around them just in general you need
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to observe these behaviors in the person you're not looking to actively scrutinize a person for who they are
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but don't ignore the signs happening right in front of you
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anyone can charm anyone charm is easy to show up when you have nothing to gain from it but character
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Character is something that shows up when you have nothing to gain from it.
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That, my friends, is what I want you to watch out for.
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So your most important job here is to stop asking, how do they treat you?
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How they treat you is important, yes.
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But you need to ask yourself, who do they become when life becomes inconvenient?
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That is what you want to watch out for.
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When they're tired, frustrated, when plans change for them, when you both disagree, agree when you tell them no, or even when they make a mistake.
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You want to keep track of patterns, not moments.
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I will never support you having to remember every single bad instance, but if it is a pattern, if it is repeatable, watch out, pay attention and don't ignore it.
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One bad day does not define a person.
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Several repeated habits is no longer a bad day.
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That is information and what you do with that information matters.
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You gotta compare and then choose.
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Now I want you to take what you know about yourself
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and then I want you to compare it to what this person has consistently shown you.
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Not what they could become.
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We have to abandon the whole imagination and potential of things.
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What they have consistently shown you.
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So you don't just tell yourself, oh my god, they would be so perfect only if they communicated better.
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You know, once they mature here, I'm positive things are going to go well.
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I know they have so much potential.
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They're not really like this guys.
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I don't know how many times I need to say it.
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Potential is not compatibility.
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You are dating the person or going to date the person that is right in front of you, not the person they could potentially turn into.
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And that is why standards matter so much.
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And you need to understand standards are not six foot tall, makes a lot of money.
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She has to be super skinny and thin and look really beautiful blonde hair.
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Those are not standards, people.
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Those are preferences.
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Every Every single attribute you want physically in a person is an attribute and there's absolutely nothing wrong with those.
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We all have our preferences, but honesty, that's a standard respect.
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That's a standard accountability, consistency, shared values.
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All those are standards.
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Preference will always decide who attracts you.
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That's how that works.
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But your standards, when you bring them into the picture decides who gets to stay
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when they're in your life and your standards will mean absolutely nothing
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if the moment you find someone attractive makes you want to stop enforcing them
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so it's so important you understand that before you make this person
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or give this person a special position in your life you go back to
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that list we made at the start of the video
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and you actually ask yourself does this person actually meet what i said matters to me
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and not telling yourself could they eventually become this person i need
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and it's so important i let you know
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if something doesn't match immediately that's okay people learn people grow
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but you have to ask yourself
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and maybe them realistically is this something we can fix or are you trying to negotiate your standards
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just so someone can fit the picture just because you're attached
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that is the difference between choosing a person and simply keeping someone just
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because you fell for them
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and there's something really big i want to emphasize on you know
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when people say oh the partner you have is a reflection
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of who you are good people still choose bad people people lie people manipulate people hide certain parts of themselves
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and sometimes we don't discover who a person actually is until much much later
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so choosing wrong doesn't mean you love yourself any less
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but what you repeatedly allow access to after you now know
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that says a lot about the standards you're willing to enforce
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you don't prove you love yourself by never choosing the wrong person it's impossible we can't know everything
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but you prove your self -love for yourself
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when you do something about the knowledge you now know
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and you do something that is in your best interest
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so let's run it back one more time know yourself you
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have to know who you are before you choose someone else
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figure out your standards your boundaries what you actually want from a person
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and what you want for yourself separate chemistry from compatibility those aren't the same thing
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and you don't want to confuse having a good time with someone with you and
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that person actually being a fit you have to observe the patterns you see don't fall for moments observe patterns
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if someone repeatedly shows you
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that they are not who they say they are do something
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about it compare who they are to the life you want for yourself
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and then you choose if you want this or not not
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because you're afraid of falling in love in fact fall in love love is a beautiful thing
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when done with the right person Just don't let attachment make
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the decision for you before your observation hasn't even gotten a chance to finish.
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A good partner is not just someone you love, right?
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We love a lot of people.
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We can love anyone.
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A good partner is someone whose characters, values, and direction make loving them feel safe enough to build a life around.
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I hope this helped in any way at all.
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And if you ever want to talk to me one -on -one, you can, n -o -r -3 -m -a -k .com.
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As always, I'm Cam, and I'll see you in the next one.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze video bevat 250 zinnen en 3001 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 14:54. De spreker praat snel, ongeveer 202 woorden per minuut, dus reken op verbonden en ingeslikte klanken. 90% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is goed te volgen.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
15 woorden uit de video die het leren waard zijn, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| compatibility zelfstandig naamwoord | /kəmˌpætəˈbɪlɪti/ | compatibiliteit, overeenstemming |
| chemistry zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈkɛm.ɪ.stɹi/ | chemie, scheikunde |
| ignore werkwoord | /ɪɡˈnɔː/ | negeren |
| communicate werkwoord | /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ | meedelen, mededelen |
| observe werkwoord | /əbˈzɜːv/ | respecteren, in acht nemen |
| compare werkwoord | /kəmˈpɛɚ/ | vergelijken |
| define werkwoord | /dɪˈfaɪn/ | bepalen, determineren |
| boundary zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | grens |
| preference zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈpɹɛf(ə)ɹ(ə)ns/ | voorkeur, preferentie |
| disagree werkwoord | /dɪsəˈɡɹi/ | niet overeenkomen, niet overeenstemmen |
| confuse werkwoord | /kənˈfjuːz/ | verwarren, in de war brengen |
| connect werkwoord | /kəˈnɛkt/ | verbinden |
| repeatedly bijwoord | /ɹɪˈpiːtɪdli/ | herhaaldelijk, meermaals |
| emotion zelfstandig naamwoord | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | emotie |
| charm zelfstandig naamwoord | /t͡ʃɑɹm/ | betovering, bezwering |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| figure out werkwoord | uitvogelen, er achter komen |
| show up werkwoord | tentoonstellen |
| write down werkwoord | opschrijven, neerschrijven |
| end up werkwoord | belanden, terechtkomen |
| find out werkwoord | ontdekken, onderzoeken |
| mess up werkwoord | verrommelen, in de war brengen |
| shut down werkwoord | afsluiten, uitzetten |
| watch out | pas op |
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | someone who constantly · guy who just · guy who gives |
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | you've never identified · I've never connected · you've never connected |
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | were born · is brought · are put |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 80 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals don't, I'm, you're. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, rush /ɹʌʃ/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, imagination /ɪˌmæd͡ʒəˈneɪʃən/, reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: compatibility /kəmˌpætəˈbɪlɪti/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, repeatedly /ɹɪˈpiːtɪdli/, compatible /kəmˈpæt.ə.bəl/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als compatibility, chemistry, ignore.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.