Pratique du Shadowing: How To Know If Someone Is Actually Right For You - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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We've all heard the saying, you do not get to choose the family you were born into, however you do choose the family that you grow into.
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I'm Cam, I'm 21, I get the internet perspective and my goal is to impact the world in one post at a time.
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Today I will be teaching you how to choose a good partner.
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A lot of people date backwards, they meet someone, they feel the chemistry and then they imagine a future and then later on they start asking, are we actually compatible?
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But what most people don't realize is by then, you already want that answer to be yes regardless whatever.
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And then we start excusing things, we lower our standards, we ignore mismatches, and then we start trying to turn a person's potential and force that into compatibility.
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But I don't want that for you.
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Because the faster you emotionally commit to a person, the harder it becomes to evaluate whether this relationship is what you need.
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You would think we're starting this off talking about what
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that person should look like for you
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and no we're not talking about them we're going to talk about you
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because you cannot choose the right person
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if you don't even know what right looks like for yourself we're going to use four things
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and i promise they will help you to identify better partners
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and make better decisions let's get straight into it first things first you have to know yourself
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and i mean like actually know yourself the reality is not a lot of people know themselves
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and that really seeps in into how they express themselves
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or how they look for partners i want someone who's funny attractive
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and nice okay everyone does i'm talking about what kind of
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life are you trying to build for yourself what do you
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believe what do you value how do you communicate what are
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your non -negotiables do you want children does religion matter to you how important is money family ambition affection independence
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because i want you to imagine something you really want kids kids are cool for you
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and then you meet someone who's attractive kind funny
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but absolutely does not want kids see now you don't have a chemistry problem you have a compatibility problem
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or maybe your faith you believe in god
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or whatever religion you believe in and you that's
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so important to you right and then you start dating someone who constantly belittles it
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or doesn't even believe it all
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and just makes it look smaller than it actually is for you see now beautiful boys
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and girls you can really like
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that person you can have great chemistry you guys can have amazing dates
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and you can still not be compatible i need us to
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understand this clearly compatibility is not do i enjoy you compatibility
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is can who you are coexist with the life i'm trying to build
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and you can't identify what compatibility is if you've never identified it for yourself
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but i'm not the guy who just gives you insights i'm
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the guy who gives you advice here's what i want you
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to actually do today open your notes app you're going to
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make three simple lists the life i want what i need in a partner
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and what i cannot build around i want you to be ultra specific here
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because this is how you actually find out who you're going to become
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and who you want to be in your life you can't
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say things like oh they need to be nice that's a given okay
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that everyone wants someone who's nice you You can write something like, we need to be able to communicate or disagree without them insulting me.
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People have conversations and conflicts and it gets really violent.
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People can be nice, but people can be very disrespectful when communication is brought into the picture.
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So define that for yourself.
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Do you want someone who can communicate with you and doesn't turn things into disrespectful combat?
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You don't write something like family matters, family matters that should be a given.
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You write something like, I want children
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and I need someone who genuinely wants to raise them too
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because anyone can want kids but are you ready are you active enough to be in
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that child's life and grow with them
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and grow for them do not write i want someone ambitious that's too broad that's too vague
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and honestly that's a little too high of a bar you
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will write i need someone who takes their future seriously
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because it's one thing for you to not have goals
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because it's one thing for you to just be living your life
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and it's another to actually have goals having someone who has goals
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and has a sense of purpose and direction
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that is something you should be looking for in a partner it is
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so important that you understand
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if you cannot define what you are looking for you are
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going to choose based off of what feels good in the
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moment separate chemistry from compatibility guys guys guys chemistry is dangerous
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when you confuse it for evidence when you feel butterflies for a person
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that just means
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that person can affect you right seeing them being around them
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talking to them it makes you feel a kind of way that doesn't automatically mean that person is good for you.
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It just means they make you feel something.
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So here's how the timeline usually goes.
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You see someone nice, you meet them on Monday, right?
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And you're texting until 4 a .m.
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And you figure out, wow, this person is amazing.
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Tuesday, you start texting them more and you're planning a date on Wednesday.
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You go on the date Wednesday.
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It's an amazing date.
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Thursday night, you're planning the next date and you guys are talking great. And Friday.
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You tell yourself, I've never connected with anyone like this in my life.
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Maybe, maybe you've never connected with anyone like that.
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But guys, it has only been five days.
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It's not even a week yet.
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You know how they flirt.
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You know what music they like.
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Maybe you guys did some trauma dumping.
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So now you know their childhood.
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Because somehow maybe we got there on Tuesday night when we were talking on the phone till 4am.
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But you do not know how they handle anger.
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You don't know how they handle their money.
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You don't know if they keep promises.
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You don't know how they respond when you tell them no.
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and you don't know who they become when they stop trying to impress you
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when the butterflies have faded guys i'm not trying to be the rain on your parade
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but what you have is intensity it's not evidence
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and recently i just heard a podcast
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that psychology actually has a name for people like this for people who tend to fall in love too quickly
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and easily it's called emophilia i want you to look
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that up on your own it's it's an actual psychological trait
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and it's not a diagnosis But people higher in emophilia tend to just go deeper into the whole romance cycle.
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They just tend to fall in love literally faster.
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So if you can think back and realize that, oh my God, maybe you actually did fall in love with someone too fast.
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Okay, I need you to pause.
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If this is you, listen very carefully.
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Feeling emotions fast does not mean you have to choose fast.
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There is a big difference.
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You can say, I really like this person.
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And you can also say, but I don't know them yet both can be true and
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if you realize that
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that is maturity you can't always control how quickly your heart
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responds to a person these are feelings right you fall in
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love fast you catch feelings it's normal you can't control
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that what you do control however is how fast you give another person a permanent position in your life so
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if you know you're the type of person who falls fast
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for another person i need you to just give yourself a
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rule this is what i want to teach you Do not make major emotional decisions during the emotional rush.
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Don't start planning your entire future after two incredible weeks.
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Don't ignore something very important that you've noticed.
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Maybe a red flag because I really like them.
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No, guys, guys, no. The moment you feel yourself getting attached, you need to ask yourself, what do I actually know about this person?
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And then ask, what am I hoping is just true?
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Because we tend to have two different versions.
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The versions of the person we see right in front of us and the versions we have of them in our head.
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So if this is someone you find yourself falling really deeply in love with fast, you need to stop yourself.
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Open the notes app again, two columns, facts and assumptions.
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Write down what you know and write down what you're already assuming and planning and fantasize.
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This one exercise will save you from confusing the person you have right in front of you
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with the person you have in your head.
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I really don't want you falling too fast and then you end up hurting, okay?
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No. Third, you have to observe this is where time becomes your best friend
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because people can say a lot of things someone can tell
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you i'm super respectful i'm super nice i'm caring okay
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but you need to watch them when things don't go their way
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when situations come up and they are put in positions where how they feel
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contradicts what they say how do they show up for you
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this is what you really really need to watch for
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because they can tell you they're respectful
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but the moment you tell them no they get mad
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and they start making you do something you don't want to do they could tell you they're great at communication
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or communication is important to them but then you guys have your first disagreement
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and they don't they don't even try to fix anything they shut down they walk away
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or they completely disregard your emotions and most importantly anyone can say i take accountability
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but when they mess up watch how they take care of
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that are they able to accept it are they able to
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fix it those are the things you really really need to
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watch out for the thing with us as people is
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that we can describe ourselves beautifully there is no one else
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that can talk about us better than us
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so you need to watch what a person shows you need to watch what they become
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when being a good partner costs them something
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so take for example let's say um you tell them like hey i'm not comfortable with
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that thing whatever it is right and
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if the person you're with right they listen they ask questions
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they actually try to understand you maybe they disagree right
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but they don't punish you for having a boundary all these
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things are good signs of a good person now a bad
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sign they pout they pressure you they mock you they disrespect
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you you know they give you the silent treatment make you
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feel bad about something they do all these things until your boundaries disappear
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that singular moment is what will tell you more about this
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person than all the chemistry all the amazing dates in the world you may have both had
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and it is
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so important you watch how they treat people the way they
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interact with other people matters a lot their family waiters at
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restaurants homeless people people around them just in general you need
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to observe these behaviors in the person you're not looking to actively scrutinize a person for who they are
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but don't ignore the signs happening right in front of you
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anyone can charm anyone charm is easy to show up when you have nothing to gain from it but character
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Character is something that shows up when you have nothing to gain from it.
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That, my friends, is what I want you to watch out for.
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So your most important job here is to stop asking, how do they treat you?
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How they treat you is important, yes.
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But you need to ask yourself, who do they become when life becomes inconvenient?
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That is what you want to watch out for.
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When they're tired, frustrated, when plans change for them, when you both disagree, agree when you tell them no, or even when they make a mistake.
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You want to keep track of patterns, not moments.
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I will never support you having to remember every single bad instance, but if it is a pattern, if it is repeatable, watch out, pay attention and don't ignore it.
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One bad day does not define a person.
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Several repeated habits is no longer a bad day.
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That is information and what you do with that information matters.
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You gotta compare and then choose.
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Now I want you to take what you know about yourself
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and then I want you to compare it to what this person has consistently shown you.
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Not what they could become.
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We have to abandon the whole imagination and potential of things.
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What they have consistently shown you.
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So you don't just tell yourself, oh my god, they would be so perfect only if they communicated better.
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You know, once they mature here, I'm positive things are going to go well.
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I know they have so much potential.
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They're not really like this guys.
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I don't know how many times I need to say it.
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Potential is not compatibility.
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You are dating the person or going to date the person that is right in front of you, not the person they could potentially turn into.
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And that is why standards matter so much.
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And you need to understand standards are not six foot tall, makes a lot of money.
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She has to be super skinny and thin and look really beautiful blonde hair.
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Those are not standards, people.
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Those are preferences.
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Every Every single attribute you want physically in a person is an attribute and there's absolutely nothing wrong with those.
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We all have our preferences, but honesty, that's a standard respect.
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That's a standard accountability, consistency, shared values.
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All those are standards.
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Preference will always decide who attracts you.
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That's how that works.
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But your standards, when you bring them into the picture decides who gets to stay
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when they're in your life and your standards will mean absolutely nothing
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if the moment you find someone attractive makes you want to stop enforcing them
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so it's so important you understand that before you make this person
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or give this person a special position in your life you go back to
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that list we made at the start of the video
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and you actually ask yourself does this person actually meet what i said matters to me
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and not telling yourself could they eventually become this person i need
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and it's so important i let you know
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if something doesn't match immediately that's okay people learn people grow
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but you have to ask yourself
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and maybe them realistically is this something we can fix or are you trying to negotiate your standards
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just so someone can fit the picture just because you're attached
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that is the difference between choosing a person and simply keeping someone just
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because you fell for them
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and there's something really big i want to emphasize on you know
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when people say oh the partner you have is a reflection
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of who you are good people still choose bad people people lie people manipulate people hide certain parts of themselves
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and sometimes we don't discover who a person actually is until much much later
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so choosing wrong doesn't mean you love yourself any less
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but what you repeatedly allow access to after you now know
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that says a lot about the standards you're willing to enforce
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you don't prove you love yourself by never choosing the wrong person it's impossible we can't know everything
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but you prove your self -love for yourself
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when you do something about the knowledge you now know
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and you do something that is in your best interest
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so let's run it back one more time know yourself you
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have to know who you are before you choose someone else
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figure out your standards your boundaries what you actually want from a person
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and what you want for yourself separate chemistry from compatibility those aren't the same thing
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and you don't want to confuse having a good time with someone with you and
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that person actually being a fit you have to observe the patterns you see don't fall for moments observe patterns
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if someone repeatedly shows you
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that they are not who they say they are do something
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about it compare who they are to the life you want for yourself
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and then you choose if you want this or not not
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because you're afraid of falling in love in fact fall in love love is a beautiful thing
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when done with the right person Just don't let attachment make
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the decision for you before your observation hasn't even gotten a chance to finish.
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A good partner is not just someone you love, right?
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We love a lot of people.
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We can love anyone.
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A good partner is someone whose characters, values, and direction make loving them feel safe enough to build a life around.
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I hope this helped in any way at all.
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And if you ever want to talk to me one -on -one, you can, n -o -r -3 -m -a -k .com.
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As always, I'm Cam, and I'll see you in the next one.
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette vidéo contient 250 phrases et 3001 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 14:54. Le locuteur parle vite, environ 202 mots par minute : attendez-vous à des liaisons et à des sons réduits. 90 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais, le vocabulaire est donc facile à suivre.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
15 mots de la vidéo à retenir, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| compatibility nom | /kəmˌpætəˈbɪlɪti/ | compatibilité |
| chemistry nom | /ˈkɛm.ɪ.stɹi/ | chimie |
| ignore verbe | /ɪɡˈnɔː/ | ignorer, ne pas prêter attention à |
| communicate verbe | /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ | communiquer |
| observe verbe | /əbˈzɜːv/ | respecter, observer |
| compare verbe | /kəmˈpɛɚ/ | comparer |
| define verbe | /dɪˈfaɪn/ | déterminer |
| boundary nom | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | frontière, limite |
| preference nom | /ˈpɹɛf(ə)ɹ(ə)ns/ | préférence |
| disagree verbe | /dɪsəˈɡɹi/ | ne pas être d'accord, être en désaccord |
| confuse verbe | /kənˈfjuːz/ | rendre perplexe, confondre |
| connect verbe | /kəˈnɛkt/ | accoupler, connecter |
| repeatedly adverbe | /ɹɪˈpiːtɪdli/ | à plusieurs reprises à maintes reprises |
| emotion nom | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | émotion |
| charm nom | /t͡ʃɑɹm/ | fétiche, charme |
Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez
| Mot | Sens |
|---|---|
| figure out verbe | cerner |
| show up verbe | apparaître, se montrer se pointer |
| write down verbe | noter, écrire |
| come up verbe | se montrer, sortir du bois |
| end up verbe | se terminer, se finir |
| find out verbe | découvrir, savoir |
| mess up verbe | gâcher |
| shut down verbe | éteindre |
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Propositions relatives who / which + proposition — une précision sur une personne ou une chose | someone who constantly · guy who just · guy who gives |
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | you've never identified · I've never connected · you've never connected |
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | were born · is brought · are put |
| Verbe + -ing enjoy, keep, stop… + -ing — les verbes suivis de la forme en -ing | start asking · start excusing · start dating |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 80 contractions et formes réduites, comme don't, I'm, you're. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, rush /ɹʌʃ/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, imagination /ɪˌmæd͡ʒəˈneɪʃən/, reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: compatibility /kəmˌpætəˈbɪlɪti/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, repeatedly /ɹɪˈpiːtɪdli/, compatible /kəmˈpæt.ə.bəl/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme compatibility, chemistry, ignore.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.