Shadowing Practice: Be Direct and Polite in English with Assertive Communication | 5 Tips - Learn English Speaking with Video

Let's imagine you're out to dinner with a group of friends.

You've been looking forward to this all week.

The waiter finally brings your meal and it's not what you ordered.

There are two ways you can respond in this situation.

Option one, excuse me.

I wonder if maybe there's been a mistake with this order.

If not, don't worry about it.

And option two, excuse me.

I believe there's been a mistake with this order.

I ordered the pasta with mushrooms, not the mushroom pizza.

Do you notice that one response is more direct and confident than the other?

The passive example places someone else's comfort above your own needs

while the assertive response calmly and confidently states what you need or what you want without any negative emotion.

So how can you confidently be assertive in English when you need to be direct,

clear, and polite, it, whether you're sharing your needs, wants, or ideas.

I have five specific strategies plus the language and sentence structures you need to help you do just that.

But quickly, if this is your first time here, welcome.

Welcome.

I am Anne Marie, an English confidence and fluency coach.

Everything I do is designed to help you get the confidence you want for your life and work in English.

If you'd love to discover hundreds of my English lessons, just like this one, you can find all of that and more over at my Speak Confident English website.

In fact, while you're there, you can also download my free in -depth fluency training called

how to get the confidence to say what you want in English.

Now, Now, before we dive into these five strategies on how to be assertive in your English, I want to take a step back and make sure

that we're crystal clear about the difference between passive and assertive communication and how both can be useful.

Moreover, I want to distinguish the difference between assertive and aggressive communication

so that you can be confident knowing that when you communicate assertively, it's still perfectly polite and appropriate.

So first let's talk about what exactly is passive communication.

We use this form of communication when a situation demands extremely polite and diplomatic communication,

or when it's vital to maintain a harmonious atmosphere.

However, passive communication can also lead to prioritizing others' needs, wants, and opinions above your own.

Moreover, it can sound submissive or overly polite, avoiding confrontation, even at the cost of your own needs.

In contrast to that, assertive communication means calmly and confidently stating your needs,

wants, and opinions, even in difficult situations.

It allows you to stand up for yourself while still respecting others, and it enables you to say no without feeling guilty.

Assertiveness is all about finding balance between being respectful and ensuring that your voice is heard.

To bring this all into focus, let's take a look at two example sentences.

Let's say, for example, that you're in the process of asking for a pay raise.

Again, you have two ways to do this.

Option one, I don't know if it's okay to ask, but I was wondering if I could get a pay raise.

And option two, I would like to discuss a possible pay raise.

I believe my contributions and skills warrant a raise at this time.

Do you notice that that passive response indicates hesitation and a lack of confidence?

It also avoids stating what your needs or wants are.

The assertive response, however, is clear, direct, and respectful.

It communicates your needs confidently while maintaining professionalism.

Now, all of that may be easier said than done.

I know assertive communication can be uncomfortable.

In fact, to be honest, it's occasionally difficult for me as well.

Like me, you might worry that assertive communication is rude or impolite, but let me assure you it is not.

To help, I want to clarify the difference between assertive and aggressive communication.

Assertive communication says I matter, And so do you.

It's about communicating your thoughts and your needs clearly and respectfully.

When communicating assertively, you keep your tone and volume calm.

And you make sure the focus is on ensuring that both parties or all parties involved in the conversation are heard.

On top of all of that, maintaining eye contact with your steady tone enhances your assertiveness,

indicating confidence without intimidation.

Aggressive communication on the other hand says I matter and you don't.

It involves expressing your needs and wants in a way that dismisses others.

This might include speaking loudly, rudely, or insensitively leading to confrontation as opposed to resolution.

With all of that in mind, here are three distinct situations in which assertive communication is most appropriate.

Number one, protecting your rights.

This could include standing up to discrimination, rude comments, or saying no to things that take up your time and energy.

Situation two is communicating effectively.

For example, if you want to share a different opinion or express concern in a discussion.

And the third situation is maintaining self -confidence.

In other words, when you want to advocate for your needs or set boundaries to maintain your well -being.

To do that, here are five strategies for effective assertive communication.

Strategy number one, use I language.

Using I language puts the focus on your needs and wants rather than what someone else might be doing wrong.

This avoids placing blame and reduces the potential for conflict.

For example, instead of saying, it would be helpful.

If you took on this task, you could make a small change and say, I would appreciate it.

If you took on this task, these two sentences might sound very similar and in truth they are, but there is a little distinction between them.

The first one has this feeling that there is an insinuation,

an assumption that this particular individual hasn't been helpful and and doesn't want to be helpful.

Whereas the second sentence simply states what you would like to see happen.

No judgment, no blame, no assumptions.

Strategy number two is to use empowering language.

This means to avoid words that weaken your message such as just I'm sorry.

And I guess using these words can undermine your confidence and make you seem uncertain.

For example, instead of saying, sorry for bothering you, but could I have my ladder back?

You can say this instead.

I need to get my ladder back to finish painting my home.

When would be a good time for me to pick it up?

Strategy number three, to communicate in an assertive way is to be direct.

Now to be direct, you can avoid using words such as could and might.

These modals can make a request sound tentative.

Now, Now, to be clear, there is absolutely a time and place to use modals.

English speakers use them often for polite requests.

However, if you need to make a request and indicate that there is no wiggle room about it, that it is a direct need,

here's how you can do that.

Instead of saying, I was wondering if you could send me an update by the end of the day, you can say this instead.

Will you send me an update by the end of the day?

Strategy number four is to set clear boundaries.

This means to be clear about what you will and will not do without over explaining or apologizing.

This is particularly important when communicating with others who tend to be pushy or overstep your boundaries.

For example, instead of saying, I'm so sorry, but I don't think I can meet you on Friday.

You can say this instead.

100

Instead, I can meet you on Saturday, but Friday won't work for me this week.

101

Now, in that example, you may have noticed that my alternative included a proposed solution.

102

And this is really helpful when setting those boundaries.

103

For example, if you need to decline an invitation, providing that alternative sends the message that you're interested in maintaining the relationship,

104

but also puts in place some clear limits.

105

And now strategy number five, use scripts and rehearse.

106

If you find it challenging to be assertive, writing a script and practicing it out loud in advance can be a powerful tool.

107

Not only can scripts help you prepare for real life situations, making it easier to be assertive in the moment when you need to be.

108

It also gets you more comfortable with this language.

109

For this, let's take a look at an example script together.

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I want you to imagine that you are overwhelmed at work and you need to ask a colleague for assistance,

111

but you're struggling with how to word that before you approach the conversation.

112

You could try a script like this.

113

Thank you so much for your support.

114

I'm currently managing several other tasks that require my full attention, and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with my workload right now.

115

Unfortunately, I won't be able to complete this project on time without some help.

116

I would really appreciate your assistance with and then name the specific task.

117

Now, something about rehearsing scripts.

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I don't want you to memorize it word for word.

119

Memorizing leads to sounding like it is memorized in the moment, not like a real conversation.

120

Instead, Instead, here's how you can approach using a script

121

and rehearsing so that you feel comfortable saying what you need to say in the moment.

122

First, go ahead and write out a script, just like the example I've shared with you.

123

And then rather than reading it out loud, I want you to have those notes in front of you, but practice looking in the mirror,

124

practice, maintaining eye contact, practice, keeping a very calm, relaxed tone of voice and volume and say what you need to say out loud.

125

It's okay if it doesn't perfectly match what you wrote down.

126

You're just using your notes, your script as a guide, and you can stop at any point, go back, look at those notes and do it again.

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The more you practice, the more comfortable you'll get with that language.

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And you'll also find a variety of ways to say what you need to say with assertive language while doing so.

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You now have five proven strategies to be assertive in English, ensuring that your needs, your wants,

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and your opinions are heard while also respecting others.

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So now I want to hear from you, which one of these strategies are you going to try first?

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I would love to hear from you and you can always share your comments

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and your questions with me down in the comments below.

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If you found this lesson helpful to you, I would love to know, And you can tell me in two very simple ways.

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Number one, give this lesson a thumbs up here on YouTube.

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And while you're at it, make sure you subscribe so you never miss one of my Confident English lessons.

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And number two, you can share a comment with me down below

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or go on over to my Speak Confident English website where you'll find this lesson and many resources for me,

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including my in -depth fluency training called how to get the confidence to say what you want.

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Thank you so much for joining me.

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And I look forward to seeing you next time.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This speaking lesson is built on the video “Be Direct and Polite in English with Assertive Communication”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: assertive, communication, English, example, script. This video has 66 sentences and 1895 words to shadow. The speech runs for 12:45. The speaker talks at a steady 149 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
script noun	/skɹɪpt/	A writing; a written document.
communicate verb	/kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/	To impart or transmit (information or knowledge) to someone; to make known, to tell.
lesson noun	/ˈlɛs.ən/	A section of learning or teaching into which a wider learning content is divided.
helpful adjective	/ˈhɛlp.fl̩/	Furnishing help; giving aid; useful.
passive adjective	/ˈpæs.ɪv/	Being subjected to an action without producing a reaction.
polite adjective	/pəˈlaɪt/	Well-mannered, civilized.
boundary noun	/ˈbaʊndɹi/	The dividing line or location between two areas.
tone noun	/ˈtəʊn/	A specific pitch.
indicate verb	/ˈɪndɪˌkeɪt/	To point out; to discover; to direct to a knowledge of; to show; to make known.
aggressive adjective	/əˈɡɹɛs.ɪv/	Characterized by aggression; highly combative; prone to behave in a way that involves attacking (especially if unjustly) or arguing.
rude adjective	/ɹuːd/	Lacking in refinement or civility; bad-mannered; discourteous.
assumption noun	/əˈsʌm(p).ʃ(ə)n/	The act of assuming, or taking to or upon oneself; the act of taking up or adopting.
ladder noun	/ˈlæd.ɚ/	A frame, usually portable, of wood, metal, or rope, used for ascent and descent, consisting of two side pieces to which are fastened rungs (cross strips or…
confrontation noun	/ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/	The act of confronting or challenging another, especially face to face.
respectful adjective	/ɹɪˈspɛkt.fl̩/	Marked or characterized by respect

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
look forward to verb		To anticipate, expect, or wait for, especially with a feeling of approval or pleasure; to be excited or eager to.
go ahead verb	/ˌɡoʊ əˈhɛd/	To proceed with; to begin.
go back verb		To return to a place or state after having been there at a previous time.
stand up for verb		To speak or act in support or defense of (a person, a cause, a belief, or the like).
stand up to verb		To object to or interfere with the actions of (someone seen as bullying, pushy, or controlling).
step back verb	/stɛp ˈbæk/	To stop what one is doing and evaluate the current situation.
take up verb		To pick up.
write down verb		To produce or set (something) down in writing; to record something.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	is designed · is heard · are heard
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	there's been · hasn't been · I've shared

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 29 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, don't, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “th” sounds: bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, thumb /ˈθʌm/
The “sh” and “zh” sounds: assumption /əˈsʌm(p).ʃ(ə)n/, confrontation /ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/, mushroom /ˈmʌʃˌɹuːm/, contrast /kənˈt(ʃ)ɹæst/, occasionally /əˈkeɪʒənəli/
Long words — get the stress right: communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, confrontation /ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/, occasionally /əˈkeɪʒənəli/, contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, discrimination /dɪskɹɪmɪˈneɪʃən/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like script, communicate, lesson.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Grammar in this video

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?