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hello

and welcome to another episode of the fluency first podcast i'm here in the beautiful quarry gardens near my house

and i have a very special guest for you

and it is none other than my best friend elliot would

you like to say hi elliot hi elliot i mean hi

so okay let's sit down um so as you know

or maybe this is the first time you're watching

but we start every episode with do you know what we

started with small talk small talk right that's everyday easy conversations

like the weather how you're doing what you have been up to lately

so elliot um how has your week been so far uh

so far my week's been pretty good uh it's been a bit of a different one um my wife

and three -year -old son are staying down south with her family so i am at my house alone.

I only have the dog and the cat to look after.

So yeah, a little bit more relaxing than usual, I would say.

So you don't have a toddler in the house?

Nope.

I am child -free this week.

Completely home alone.

Yep.

Which also happens to be one of your favorite films.

It does.

You know, this actually reminds me of

when I left to teach English in Korea in 2012

and you did a video for me yeah do you remember

that video i do you're starting to sound like i'm david's best friend

and i like to go shopping i will show that to everyone

hello my name is elliot i'm david's best friend my favorite

food is pizza i like to go to the cinema

and shopping with friends um okay next small talk question

so have you had a chance to watch anything interesting lately like a film

or a series uh yeah actually on sunday i watched a

quite charming british comedy uh called the ballad of wallace island

which was very gentle uh the ballad of wallace island yeah

okay it was like a warm hug it was a quintessential british comedy film okay uh

but i've also started watching daredevil the tv series which is pretty good

cool so the next section is about friendship

and like i said we have known each other for quite

a long time since year four that's age eight to nine

in the uk um it's a long time yeah nearly 30 years yeah yeah

so my question is do you remember the first time we actually spoke in year four um i don't

but you weren't my best friend then no no no i do that's really upsetting

because i do remember the first time what did what was it i remember being in the playground

and it was i'm not going to use last names

but it was um you dan katie and ramsey

and you were playing batman and you all chose characters

and uh i didn't have a character i remember i think it was either you

or dan or someone said oh you can just be penguin

and i was so upset

but at the same time i thought to myself well at

least i'm playing with someone in the playground you know

but that's my first memory of you okay well i have memories of

that time i i'm sorry you're better than penguin oh thank you um yeah i remember

and you know this because i said it in your speech um

which i'm sure we'll get to we will talk about that yeah

you said we were playing tig or chasing a game running around and you said that you had a stitch

uh you i've got a stitch i need to sit down i had no idea what you were talking about

so i learned that from you i still get stitch well i get stitches now um now

that i'm a grown -up um and

the other time and you know what i'm gonna say is

when you came over to mine

and i showed you how to play with toys no that's not you brought your beanie babies over

and we played we played our beanie babies

and i also remember making a tent like a den with you yeah i was fun i loved

that yeah really good memories i actually remember we're going off script now but

i remember going to a fancy gym with elliot and his family

and it was called a sporter very posh gym

and i remember them having um orange juice

and it was like all you can drink orange juice free free

and i just thought this is living you know this is

the ultimate luxury i just couldn't at seven years old yeah

i thought this is just amazing why isn't everyone just standing by this orange juice

and drinking it anyway we should get to the other in

the gym they're all working out no it was in the

in the lounge i know okay the next question hopefully you can't hear the airplane in the background

but it is um why do you think we stayed close even

when i moved abroad and i'm i'm not talking about

when i moved to france because i moved to france

when i was 18 but in 2012 i moved to south korea to teach english

so why do you think we stayed close um well first of all

when you did move away

that was devastating my best friend was leaving me um to go halfway around the world

but i think we stayed close

because we stayed in touch you know um we would video call fairly regularly um

and every time you came back to the uk

which was only once a year i would absolutely take every opportunity within the time

that you were here to see you yeah i felt very privileged

but i think moreover the reason we stayed close is

because of our connection you know um i i think it's quite rare that um to

certainly you know adults stay as close and connected when you live halfway across the world

for a prolonged period of time i think that's quite rare yeah

and particularly you know i wouldn't see dave for a year

and then he would come back to the uk

and you know we'd meet up

and it was like i'd seen him yesterday it was wasn't it every single time always been like

that yeah that's what i love about you know ultimately you

were away for 13 years you know across different countries is it something like

that well from 2012 it felt like a long time it was a long time

but every single time that i saw you it was just like i seen you yesterday um

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and now sometimes thankfully it is

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that i've seen you yesterday i actually have seen you yesterday

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yeah i'm back in the uk for good um okay next question is were you ever surprised

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that we didn't drift apart

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um because i'm sure you know i've drifted apart with some friends

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and i'm sure you have too well that's what you know

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going back to what i just said i think it's it's rare

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that people don't yeah you know um i have friends

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that i was very close with in school

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that i'm not friends with anymore

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and that's not for any personal reasons it's just you know

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you grow up you move apart right it's strange they say

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um you need seven years um like of friendship with someone

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and then that's a lifelong friend i don't know

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if that's true i don't know if that's true

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but what i would say is um sometimes i look back

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and think i kind of can't believe

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that we have stayed as close as we are

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because we could have

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so easily not you know it would have been no problem at all to just not contact you

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when you lived in korea especially

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because of the time difference i think we both put the effort in

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and that's what's important um great next question what's one thing

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that stayed the same about us

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and one thing that's changed um i think one thing

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that stayed the same is our sense of humor i think

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when we meet up we have a laugh every single time

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yeah that's it's great i feel like a kid again in a way yeah it's you know

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when um your face hurts from laughing that's what i get every time me

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and dave hang out um

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and that's such a joke it's never gone away uh yeah yeah it's just dave tells jokes

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and i laugh and that's our relationship

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um one thing

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that has changed is though you know our lives um we have both grown up um you know both got

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or had full -time full -time jobs you know full -time

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jobs impact your life um relationships you know uh spouses i was gonna say like now it's not just you

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and me no it's you and me

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and our wives yeah i keep our wives

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and you my wife it's you and me and our wives

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and obviously your son theo

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and that's like different isn't it yeah absolutely i mean i think you know we've grown up together

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so the things that we are now interested in um and things that we aren't interested in has changed.

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right um you know i'm talking we don't go out into town

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and go clubbing like we did you know maybe 15 years ago right um

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and i don't want to no so that has changed

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but we've kind of changed together in that respect

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and you know as you said there's new dynamics with our wives joining us much of the time

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and my son

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and that's great it's really really great next question is what

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was it like having each other as best men you know

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i was the best man at your wedding you were the

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best man at my wedding um was there any pressure

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or was it just easy for you oh well first of all how cool is

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that that we can say that yeah um

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if it's okay with you i'll i'll show little snippets of both of our speeches.

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Yeah, it's cool.

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We became a lot closer friends in seventh grade school, despite our stark differences.

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He played video games, I played basketball.

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He was chatty, I was quiet.

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He was the funny one, I was the handsome one.

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Alright, so once again I'd like to say good afternoon ladies and gentlemen.

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For those of you who don't know my name is Elliot

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and I've been lucky enough to be chosen as Dave's best man

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for my speech today the bride and groom have asked

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that I don't talk about any of Dave's mistakes mishaps or embarrassing moments uh so thanks everyone for listening

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well you were my best man first and you set the bar

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and dave gave a fantastic speech it was so funny

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so heartfelt so emotionally impactful um

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and you know he had the whole room in stitches

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and i think everybody appreciated what dave said i went next you know dave got married after me

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so he asked me to be his best man

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and there was big shoes to fill there was a lot

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of pressure some good phrases you know set the bar

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and big shoes to fill anyway but well yeah um you know

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so um when organizing a stag do i wanted to arrange something

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that was fun but

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that i knew dave would enjoy um you know uh what's a stag do well historically your last night of freedom

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or that's how they used to phrase it isn't it

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but it's when the groom and all of his closest friends get together

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and celebrate the fact that he's getting married before the wedding

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so for us um us two

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and a small group of your friends we went to dublin yeah

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and we had a couple of nights there

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and it was really good fun wasn't it it was great um

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and then the speech that's obviously the the thing with the

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um the the element with the biggest pressure um how do you think i did

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your speech it was great yeah i'm happy that you embarrassed me

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but not too much yeah you always it the right amount of embarrassment i think

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when you go to some weddings people give speeches

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that make the audience feel awkward i would say i have

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seen a few where i was just like oh not sure about

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that and dave is a very sensitive soul so i had to be careful with

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what i said

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but i i think i pitched it well i think i

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judged it whereas i was pretty brutal was i brutal to you uh not really in your own way yeah

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which is not at all yeah fun one

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if you had to describe our friendship in a film title

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what would it be oh i know this one what dumb

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and dumber oh is well maybe

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but i was gonna say i love you man oh that's

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a good it is a good one yeah yeah yeah with um i'll be jason siegel jason siegel

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and paul rudd yeah i'll be paul rudd you'll be run

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the man who never ages that's true okay next one before we start walking is what do you think

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makes a friendship last through so many phases of life um i think making the effort

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obviously helps a friendship to last um being honest with each other

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i'm sure there have been times when we've rubbed each other up the wrong way

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oh yeah yeah um you know sharing the goods the highs

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and the lows i i yeah sharing the highs and lows is i think what's kept us

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is sort of emotionally close um i've been through you know difficult times in my life

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and i've always had you there to talk to

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and to vent my issues

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and to problem solve you know you're a very supportive friend um

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and hopefully you know it's reciprocated or you feel

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that it is i think it's important to share the highs

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and the lows be honest with each other make the effort

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and to have a good time yeah yeah you know that's the the point isn't it we're friends

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so we can have fun together right you want to be a good time

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but i agree about supporting each other i think you need to you know

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when you've got a good friend when you know something good happens to you

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and they are really excited for you next question ready do you think everyone needs a best friend

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or is that just a childhood idea we hang on to um i don't think everyone needs a best friend

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you know i think there are some people

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that are perfectly happy in their own company you know for

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the majority of the time yeah basically no one needs to

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feel the pressure i don't have a best friend oh no yeah

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but i also don't think it's a childhood idea

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that people hang on to i haven't sort of made any

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specific effort to call you my best friend you just are because of our relationship

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the effort has been into maintaining a friendship you know right um

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but i also take your point sort of i'll be your best friend

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if you play with me you know that's a very childish thing to say

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but you know i have good friends and then i have dave um

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and there's the difference dave is my best friend

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so well thank you that's a very lovely answer has

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your idea of friendship changed over the years um yeah yes i think

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so i think uh there are some people that

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see yeah i i think that there are some people

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that see friendship as these are the boys i go out drinking with

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and that's it yeah that's their friends but i think

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and there was definitely a time when you know we used to go out

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and that's what the majority of the you know that's

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but we would go out and talk for ages wouldn't we

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but you know we'd also drink a lot yeah

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but now it's kind of friends it's like a relationship isn't it you know it's not any one thing um

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so the next question is do you think we would have still become close

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if we met as adults oh

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that is a good question possibly um yeah i would think

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so because we've got the same sense of humor yeah

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and i think that that is what initially um can create a friendship

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so yes there's a very real chance

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that we would we wouldn't have our years of history obviously

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which has informed our friendship yeah um

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but you know maybe not i can already speak english

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and that's your job you're an english teacher

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so maybe we wouldn't have run into each other um also

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can i just say dave is on a hill we're the same height

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but he looks i'll stand here i'm i'm i am a

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bit taller than you no you're not i am look look

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let's stand yeah yeah now look look i'll stand where dave

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was now i look taller you are okay is there anything

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you have learned from our friendship specifically that's a bit of strange

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and specific question really um have a think yes uh i've learned that um you don't need

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to see your friends every single day um for them to be your friends you know to maintain

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that relationship as as we said you know i didn't see you for a year

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and i think there would probably be some people

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that might think what you haven't seen them for a year how are they your friends then yeah

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but you know that doesn't matter um it's you know as you said we even

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if we didn't speak for a month right it didn't matter right um yeah cool that's a good answer so

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next question do you think we've helped shape who each other became um yes and no i think

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if I'd shaped who you have become too much you never

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would have gone to South Korea I didn't want you to go initially

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so that's a no then you know but that's a good thing

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because you did and you you know you met your wife But yes, in the same sense of,

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you know, me and you talk and you make me think about how I act and, you know, how I behave,

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not in any particular circumstance or situation.

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But, you know, I think that when we talk and, you know, we share advice and whatnot,

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it definitely makes me reflect and try and be a good person, really, because you're a good person.

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So in some senses, yes, we do inform who we've become, but in others, you know,

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no. And that's a good thing because we're still independent people.

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Do you feel like it's harder or easier to make new friends now as an adult?

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Harder.

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Even for you, because Elliot's quite an extrovert, I would say.

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You're quite talkative and good with people.

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No? i think i've become more introverted in later life interesting you know definitely i think that

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well i don't know i've heard

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that the older um men get uh the harder they find

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it to make friends i mean by the age of 30 i would say even certainly 40 not

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that we are nearly 40

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but you you've kind of made all the friends you've been

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through all these sort of transformative periods in your life you've

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been to school you might have gone to higher education university

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for example um you've been through your first second third job you've made friends

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and hopefully maintained friendships throughout all of

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that it gets to a point where maybe it gets a

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bit weird to keep making new friends i don't that's how i feel yeah i'm quite self -conscious about

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that sort of thing what about making new friends well i

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i wouldn't want anyone thinking i was why is this weirdo

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talking to me oh why is he like walking around will you be friends with me yeah i don't say

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that um that is weird yeah

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but yeah i definitely think i definitely think it's harder also because

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when you're an adult you are in situations where you meet new people less frequently less regularly you know yeah

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and you have to choose who you spend time with yeah less free time so

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when i went to university as an example i was suddenly

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around hundreds of new people you know on my course who i lived with in the flat um you know

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that doesn't happen anymore right i have my own house

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and i go and i see the same work colleagues every day you meet less people um

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so you meet new people less often

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but i don't know i think my dad for example has gone out

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and met uh new people weird yeah no i'm only joking i'm only joking no that's

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that is good and i think you have to make a lot of effort

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so um you know i would have to go to some sort of club

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or something to meet new people clubbing now you know like uh like a you know hobby club um right

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which i don't know this is an example of me becoming more introverted too nervous to do something like

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that to join a club i think so interesting oh i just stick with you

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okay so the next topic is fatherhood

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because you know you're a first -time dad i'm not a father yet

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but i do hope to be in the future i'm the daddy yeah you're the daddy um

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so how was it at the start basically how was it being a father you know how was it

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or how is it how was it at the start um

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at the start i i didn't take to it very easily or very quickly um yeah i

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struggled to adjust i think because i mean what aspect what part did you struggle to adjust uh

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having a new family member that i am responsible for

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and my wife is responsible for and not just having each other i think

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and the pressure that comes with

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that i struggled um to adjust i mean it is one of the biggest adjustments

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that a person can make or a couple can make

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and I was so excited I read all the books

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and you know I was loving it and then our son was born and

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i found it very difficult i i found it difficult to it sounds awful

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but to form sort of an emotional connection with him initially um my wife absolutely loved him

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and he was her favorite

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thing in the world and i wasn't and that could sound like jealousy

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and even retrospectively to myself it sounds like it

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but it didn't feel like

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that i don't think that's what it was i just found

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all of the adjustment very very difficult i've never been a fan of change right

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and it was the biggest change um

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and you know don't get me wrong i still did everything

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that was expected of me i took care of my wife you know initially

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because she had a c -section um that was very tough for her

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but also obviously taking care of my son i just didn't

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enjoy it like i was supposed to at the start i still did it

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but it felt like i was missing

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that enjoyment don't get me wrong i have it now right

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i love it i wouldn't change it for the world and

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if anything i regret the fact that i felt like that

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and i certainly wasn't trying to feel like that i didn't do it on purpose

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um yeah i think it happens to a lot of people you know you're not alone it is is known

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and it is a thing um so what's something about fatherhood that um surprised you i guess that anything else

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yeah well i'm very very very happy and relieved to uh say

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that i'm not in that position anymore um

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but what surprised me it sounds so cliche to say it but the joy that you get just from seeing

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him have fun and him be happy um

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so i mentioned earlier my wife and and son are down south

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and she's sent me some pictures of what he's been doing today he went strawberry picking

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and the smile on his face that made me

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so happy would you be okay with me sharing

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that photo yeah that's fine he's a he's a sweetheart um

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and he also went on the swings with his uh grandma

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and grandpa um that's who took him today but the fact

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that he's had a good day um makes me so happy

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and it's it's a joy that you can't describe and

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that has surprised me i nearly got married there did you oh

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so did i actually we came

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and had a look at this venue why did you not choose this place to get married

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because it's right around the corner from my parents what's wrong with

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that i'm only joking um we chose we didn't want to choose here because um we chose somewhere

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more in the middle between my family and ria's family

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so more equidistant and also i i grew up very close to here

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and came here a lot as a kid uh yeah same yeah yeah

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but you know it didn't feel unique in that regard right right right

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and i didn't want it to be more my thing than ria's than my wife's either yeah

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so you talked about having you know difficulties at the start

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um of being a father right difficulties into fatherhood um what helped you find your rhythm as a dad

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um time i think time as my son grew older

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and started reacting a little more and engaging i suddenly found

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that a lot easier um so when he was laughing at faces i was i was making suddenly

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kind of clicked into place a little bit

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and you know I didn't want to see I didn't want

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to be struggling with fatherhood right I wanted to kind of fix

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that you know I spoke to my wife about it a lot and yeah

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so as soon as I possibly could I was aiming it was time to be a good dad

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and effort right time an effort yeah

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so your son is called theo right with a th how does it feel hearing his english

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improve over time obviously he will be a native speaker

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but he had to learn as well didn't he

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so how does it feel hearing him improve over time

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and making funny mistakes oh do you know what it's

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so heartwarming and on a daily basis i'm impressed with him his his communication skills

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and his his english his language skills are really really impressive he can articulate and express himself so well.

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you know it really does yeah it wows me

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but some of the ways that his language has developed is funny

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and interesting so you can see him learning things so an example is

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his friend his friend at nursery she had her birthday the other day

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and he was trying to say to us she had cake

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and she had presents what he ended up saying was her had cake

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and her had presents

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so i can see in his mind he's trying to say the right thing

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but he's just getting she and her mixed up i mean he knows

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that it's a pronoun he's not thinking pronoun

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but he knows the funk yes but it's just the wrong slightly wrong function

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and i imagine when i was a child you know i made mistakes like

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that which i don't make now so how do you correct him

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or do you just what do you do um you know well i always listen to him

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because he says fascinating things her had cake wow

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but what i'll do is um i just say

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if he says her had cake i'll say oh did she

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have cake you know i'm not i'm just kind of yeah

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yeah what what's the word i'm repeating what he's saying but

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but using the right repeated feedback yeah yeah um

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but obviously he's he's just learning and he's learning by communicating with others

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and listening to others that's why he can talk yeah it's amazing are there any phrases

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that he says that um melt you like melt your heart right

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or crack you up um yeah

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so uh his favorite food for the longest time was pizza

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but recently his new favorite food is pasta

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and people i don't know what people think if he hears

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if if people hear um him asking for this i have no idea what they think

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because he asks for pastor michelle's pastor michelle's yeah what he's trying to say

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or he he just thinks they're called pastor michelle's

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but what they're actually called is pasta shells

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so yeah you know the little cupped pasta shapes he calls them pastor michelle oh that's

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so cute pastor michelle's pastor michelle's with sauce i love it

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um really interesting question for the last one what kind of relationship do you hope to have with him

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when he's older oh um well you know the typical phrase a father figure

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that you know i want him to ask me for advice

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um i want to be able to help him in every element

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that he needs helping with um be it his studies although i'm not very good at maths um

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but you know i turned to my dad

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when i first moved in to a new property i didn't

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know how to change a light bulb i asked my dad

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my your dad is always the go -to person i want to be

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that for theo

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but equally as important i want to be his friend i

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think as i've grown up my parents have gone from not just being my parents

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but to being my mates as well you know me

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and my dad go for a pint at pub

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and it's you know because he's my friend um

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and i want to have that with theo

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and i really um like playing video games

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so i hope he does as well

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because i'd love to play games with him i'm sure you

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will you will be playing a lot of video games together i can see

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that yeah i want to play mario kart yeah

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and i can yeah i can also see your wife tell

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you both to stop playing then she's gonna hate it yeah the next topic is aging aging yeah

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so my first question is do you um feel different in

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your 30s compared to your 20s definitely in a good way or not um

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as in in my body i feel i get tired more

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easily i've got more greys than ever before i had a shave today

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because if i grow my my beard

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or my stubble it's full of gray hairs i mean i

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have gray hair it's too i've got a lot um you don't like it i

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when i reached my 30s suddenly i started having back pain i had sciatica once

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that didn't happen in my 20s

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but uh you know physically there have been those changes

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and i think you have to fight more to kind of prevent them so i i run now and You know, I lift weights.

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I think you're in the best shape of your life, aren't you?

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Well...

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Nearly yeah but i mean i really enjoy it

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but you know i i know that it's healthy to do

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that so i'm sort of health conscious in that regard um

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but also you know the positives of growing older

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and being in my 30s is i've is i've advanced in my career more you know through experience

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and time absolutely um that's great uh

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so i'm more sort of financially stable than i was in

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my 20s um i have a family now i have a wife

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and child so i've got my own little unit um oh yeah so

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it's harder because you're older um but you know it's also great you're growing old

469

and maturing yeah i'm wiser than ever before i definitely feel like i've learned a lot i just wish

470

that i could go back to my 20s now with everything

471

that i've learned really i do yeah what would you do anything differently

472

or just yeah i would oh wow yeah like what i'd

473

say no a lot i'd stop worrying about what people think about me well

474

when you master

475

that tell me how yeah um i mean you know that's how i was able to start this youtube channel

476

because i stopped caring about what other people thought of me

477

yeah like like genuinely that's i mean yeah prior to this you asked me

478

if i would be in a podcasts and um i was excited

479

and then as the day got closer and closer i've become more

480

and more nervous today i said to my wife on the

481

phone i don't want to do it anymore really yeah i get too nervous people sort of seeing me

482

or what if i sound like an idiot yeah

483

but you know we'll always have

484

that negative voice on our heads it's just about not listening

485

to it isn't it that's what i've realized okay anyway we need to keep moving on

486

because i've got challenge questions for you okay okay next question

487

has um becoming a dad changed how you see yourself physically

488

or emotionally uh yeah i have to be more responsible now in my choices um you know in

489

so many elements some financial choices um

490

because i it's not just looking after myself anymore um you

491

know how i spend my time my weekends i can't just stay in bed

492

or play on my playstation all day we have to do things

493

that you know are child friendly and help him to thrive

494

and experience new things

495

and actually just going back to what i was saying we

496

took him to um a museum in sheffield oh yeah um uh recently

497

and he was amazed at these things he was oh i'd love to share that video

498

it was and you know that was so good for me as a father

499

but also good for him you know he was experiencing these new things

500

that amazed him and he was learning um uh

501

but also you know going back to i like to sort of stay in shape

502

and keep fit

503

because i want to be around for as long as possible

504

yeah i want to see him grow up um you know so all right last question for this section

505

if you could freeze one version of yourself which would it be

506

so you can think about you know age mindset lifestyle you can answer however you like um

507

ah can i freeze too i would freeze maybe when i first first went to university

508

because that was just you know my life was very different to now it was all about me

509

and it was all about having fun um

510

but then the other version would be now um i thought

511

that too when i wrote this down everyone i have a a notebook with all the questions

512

that i wrote down he's cheating um well not cheating i wrote these down

513

but i actually said you know what i think i would

514

also freeze right now yeah yeah although maybe in a few

515

years for me yeah well i mean my son is full of childlike wonder um you know he thinks

516

that we are the voice of reason um

517

and we're just making it up as we go along um

518

but it's great he's such good fun

519

and you know my life is very i have a happy life you know

520

and i wouldn't change anything about it um yeah it would

521

be now forget my first answer that's your sort of obvious typical answer oh

522

when i was at university life was life was at its best

523

but now you freeze it now yeah yeah that's great that's

524

great who knows though ask me again in 10 years okay

525

now we have come to the last section of this podcast the challenge questions

526

so the first challenge question is a future wish if you could see 20 years into theo's future your son's future.

527

What would you hope to see?

528

That he is happy, healthy and successful.

529

is that that's a boring answer

530

but what you don't realize is he might actually be watching

531

this video in 20 years time well he probably will be watching this video in 20 years time

532

um i yeah i mean obviously the most important thing is

533

that i hope he's happy and healthy you know as i said

534

when he i see him enjoying himself that makes me happy um

535

and i want him have that for the rest of his life

536

but also good health and success because why not you know

537

that will make his life better whatever that means whatever

538

that means exactly in any terms yeah great uh next question is the magic change question i call it um

539

if you could magically feel completely confident in one area of life what would you pick

540

oh it's an interesting question

541

if i could feel um well i sometimes i've i'm quite

542

self -conscious about the way i look i've broken my nose sort of like four times i've been to hospital

543

and had it re -broken multiple times um yeah i'm quite self -conscious about

544

that if that would just could go away and i was super confident

545

so you basically want to look like voldemort no nose yeah that's it um

546

that would be great it would make me my life

547

so much easier um

548

but that's very sort of shallow self -centered one um what

549

there's a wasp that's a wasp what about uh yeah having

550

confidence in the workplace would be great um you know in

551

a meeting i would there's no worse place to say the wrong thing um

552

or forget a fact or or you know misspeak um especially around senior management

553

so if i could just have confidence there that would

554

that would be great okay the next question is the classic dinner guest question

555

and it's if you could have dinner with a film director actor

556

or even a fictional character right so a character

557

that isn't real um who would it be

558

and why oh that's a good one um i thought you might like this question

559

because you like movies david fincher is my favorite director his meticulous style uh

560

and attention to detail yeah um

561

that would be yeah good a good actor he's not my favorite actor

562

but tom cruise would be an interesting dinner guest

563

because of all the crazy stunts

564

that he does it would be fun to quiz him on those

565

and to other than entertaining the audience as he says the

566

rationale behind why he makes some of these crazy decisions um

567

a fictional character oh you only had to choose one yeah

568

i know i'm just i'm thinking it out okay uh homer

569

simpson would be good yeah why homer simpson well he's a

570

classic buffoon character he's been around for my entire life almost

571

but okay i'm gonna go with tom cruise okay that's your final answer yeah sure it's a good answer yeah um

572

and okay the second to last question this is the one rule um question

573

and it is

574

if you could make one rule for your future self to

575

follow what would it be take your time with this one

576

don't feel pressured to answer too quickly um it would

577

be to do not always prioritize what i want

578

you know it's really important to take into consideration what other people want um

579

and their feelings and their desires uh what i mean by

580

that is um you know there are things

581

that my wife wants to do that i don't really want to do

582

but she does things that i'm interested in

583

that she doesn't care about you know she does that for me

584

so the one rule would be to be consistent with that

585

and prioritize others yeah prioritize others

586

and the same with theo i mean going to a soft

587

play isn't the most thrilling thing for what soft play a

588

soft play is uh usually an indoor center for children where

589

there's the walls are spongy all soft yeah everything's soft

590

and there's slides and things like that

591

and it's not the most thrilling thing for an adult

592

but he loves it so prioritizing what he wants

593

and same with you um you're always asking me to go for a walk with you

594

and now we've done it well i wouldn't consider this a walk we're walking

595

yeah the last question is the advice question it's a special one for you

596

and it is if you could go back to the early days of fatherhood

597

and whisper something to yourself what would you say

598

i would say um try and get over this disconnect

599

that you're feeling uh you love theo as much as anything

600

you know you love him as much as all of your family members he's fantastic

601

and it's going to be great it's the greatest thing ever

602

that's what i'd say to myself to make me snap out of it right right okay elliot thank you

603

so much for carving the time out to meet up like

604

this my pleasure i appreciate it i think it's time to

605

have a drink at the pub let's go for a pint Yeah.

606

Thank you for watching everyone.

607

Remember to get the free PDF and possibly other materials to help you follow along with this episode.

608

Bye everyone.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This video has 608 sentences and 7170 words to shadow. The speech runs for 46:19. The speaker talks at a natural 155 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 83% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
friendship noun	/ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/	The condition of being friends.
pastor noun	/ˈpæs.tɚ/	A minister or priest in a church.
freeze verb	/ˈfɹiːz/	Especially of a liquid, to become solid due to low temperature.
stitch noun	/stɪt͡ʃ/	A single pass of a needle in sewing; the loop or turn of the thread thus made.
phrase noun	/ˈfɹeɪ̯z/	A short written or spoken expression.
conscious adjective	/ˈkɑn.ʃəs/	Alert, awake; with one's mental faculties active.
juice noun	/d͡ʒuːs/	A liquid made from plant, especially fruit.
adjust verb	/əˈd͡ʒʌst/	To modify.
emotionally adverb	/ɪˈməʊʃənəli/	In an emotional manner; displaying emotion.
joking verb	/ˈd͡ʒoʊkɪŋ/	Kidding, trying to fool.
pasta noun	/ˈpɑ.stə/	Dough made from wheat and water and sometimes mixed with egg and formed into various shapes; often sold in dried form and typically boiled for eating.
topic noun	/ˈtɑpɪk/	A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest.
element noun	/ˈɛləmənt/	One of the simplest or essential parts or principles of which anything consists, or upon which the constitution or fundamental powers of anything are based.
gray adjective	/ɡɹeɪ/	Of a color between black and white, having neutral hue and intermediate brightness.
pizza noun	/ˈpi.tsə/	A baked Italian dish of a thinly rolled bread crust typically topped before baking with tomato sauce, cheese, and other ingredients such as meat or vegetables.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
grow up verb	To mature and become an adult.
go back to verb	To stem from; to originate in.
go out verb	To leave, especially a building.
go away verb	To depart or leave a place.
sit down verb	To assume a sitting position from a standing position.
drift apart verb	To lose contact, to lose one's friendship or closeness.
end up verb	To bring to a conclusion.
get over verb	To overcome.

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 214 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, I've. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “th” sounds: thrill /θɹɪl/, seventh /ˈsɛvənθ/, mathematics /mæθ(.ə)ˈmæt.ɪks/, rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/, thrive /θɹajv/
The “sh” and “zh” sounds: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, conscious /ˈkɑn.ʃəs/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, fictional /ˈfɪkʃənəl/, shell /ʃɛl/
Long words — get the stress right: emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, difficulty /ˈdɪfɪkəlti/, consideration /kənˌsɪd.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like friendship, pastor, freeze.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result	if it's okay with you i'll i · if he says her had cake i'll say
“Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true	used to phrase · used to go
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	have been · week's been · have you had
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	was called · be chosen · be run

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: Can You Follow This Real British English Conversation? - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

Grammar in this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?