Shadowing Practice: Couples Therapy | Breakthroughs and Breakdowns from Season 4 | SHOWTIME - Learn English Speaking with Video
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I think I just had, like, a little bit of a epiphany.
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I just feel like it does matter who started it.
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It matters if you're in court.
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Sometimes I feel like because I'm talking to a toddler most of my time, I do not know how to interact with adults.
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My last fuck was given last week.
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Sometimes I feel like because I'm talking to a toddler most of my time, I do not know how to interact with adults.
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I don't feel like I have any, like, anything fucking interesting to say to anybody.
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No, Chrissy.
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Fuck you.
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So the actual main thing that's bothering you is being alone with law
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and not having mitchell join the two of you yes
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that we're not a priority
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that is really important the way you're going about trying to
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solve your problem is by doing your best to push mitchell away okay
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so let's think about that okay mitchell i asked iliana to kind of try to get to the root feeling
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and what she's missing.
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And what did you hear her say?
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She said that she felt lonely.
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Yeah.
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Does that make sense to you?
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It makes sense.
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And I feel bad.
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Bad.
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Yeah, like, I feel bad that, you know, she's going through that.
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But she feels those things.
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So it moves you.
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Yeah, like, I've experienced genuine loneliness.
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Like, I know what it's like.
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What are you referring to?
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It's like as a kid
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when my parents had split my mom ended up staying with
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her sister it was me my two older brothers my mom
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and my aunt and her and my aunt's one -bedroom apartment
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so my oldest brother got the sofa and
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when it came time to swap he never did so me
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and my me and my other brother we just consistently slept on the floor.
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And during this time, whenever my mom and I had a difference of opinion, she would always, like her go -to line was like, go live with your father.
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Let's go live with your father.
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So it was one of those things where it's just like, okay, well, she doesn't really want and appreciate me here.
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Right.
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And that's okay.
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So I felt loneliness.
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Like I know what that's like.
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Loneliness and it sounds like there's no room for you anywhere.
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Yeah.
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And during that time, like I had video games.
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I'm not sure if you're familiar with this, but like I discovered YouTube at this point
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so like I got into I got into no not YouTube per se
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but like anime and another place to go yeah and um but when I was growing up watching anime was
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considered to be like like corny like you're a loser
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if you did this so it was one of those things
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that I sort of repressed but I found a friend group uh later on who was just like like, very openly and accepting of these things.
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And we all did the same stuff.
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Me being with my friends for a few hours out of the week, literally, brings me back, makes me feel whole again,
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because that's a part of what I identify as, like, my heart's home.
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I can't go home and rely on there being peace at home.
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I can't go home to her and rely on there being peace there.
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But I can always go to my friends for those few hours out of the week
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and rely on that always being consistent.
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There is consistency there.
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If I could do this one thing once every other week, is it really that bad?
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I get that, and I'm not mad at it.
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I think that a part of me is just like, I'm trying to be that place.
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Like, I'm trying to make our family that thing that, you know, maybe we both didn't have growing up.
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I'm not saying to take those things away from you fully, but I'm saying, like, we can create peaceful things together.
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It was, first of all, a scheduling thing about me getting an opportunity for a circus gig,
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but it's, like, near New York, so I get to spend more time with Josh, and I assumed that Josh would want to have more time with me because I'm spending,
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actually, a lot of time in Las Vegas.
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Just so I'll understand concretely, this would mean that you would be in New York regularly more than you were planning to be?
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Yeah, two to three days more per week.
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Got it.
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And I think it's like, that's definitely exciting.
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But the conversation around something that would impact me dramatically was never had.
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Mm -hmm.
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majority of the conversation was focused on logistical exercises and assumptions.
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Rather than asking you, how would that impact you?
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Or just like, hey, we're a team.
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Like, let's sit down and this would be a big impact on you.
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Like, can we just talk about the ways in which this will impact you and if you're up for this?
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What are you thinking, Erin?
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I was honestly pretty hurt that I, like, wasn't immediately welcome in our home.
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That, like, everything you've ever told me is like, you want more time with me?
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So I was like, it felt contradictory to everything that you've ever asked for.
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But you're each talking from your own hurt or grievance.
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In a way, you're each saying, why don't you understand what hurt me?
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But you're talking about different things.
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But shouldn't we be focusing our energy on the beginning parts of the friction and argument?
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I think that's one way to possibly go.
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From my experience, it doesn't really work.
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And it doesn't matter who started.
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I just feel like it does matter who started it.
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It matters if you're in court.
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I mean, it doesn't matter if you want to just make things better.
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Oh man, I just feel like for the person that initially causes the miscommunication...
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But people don't always see things the same way.
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Who knows when it started?
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It could have started half an hour before the conversation even started.
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Oof.
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That's hard for me.
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I understand in?
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I feel like most in most of the conflicts that I'm in, I'm the one that's more clear about the emotional range that I'm experiencing.
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And I get that there's like a whole bunch of reasons why that isn't the case for women in the United States, just culturally, right?
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Definitely.
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Josh, you're getting abstract and let's stay a little closer to what actually happened.
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What do you think about this conversation?
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Where are you?
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I think one of the things that I personally struggle with the most is
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that I have no point of real reference of what it would be like to be in partnership with Josh
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if Aaron was here consistently.
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I think Josh and I's time together is predicated on Aaron being busy.
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Pretty much up until really recently, when Aaron comes home, I don't really see Josh or our plans would, like, drop.
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And you have worked really hard on shifting that or making things consistent, I do appreciate it.
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And you've also been so great about that, too, about being flexible and understanding that.
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Yeah, I guess I'm thinking about like a few weeks ago.
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That was really frustrating.
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We had breakfast plans at 11.
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I text him at 10 a .m., like super excited to see you, have breakfast, whatever, don't hear anything.
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You call back and it's like 10 minutes before we're supposed to hang out and you're like, oh yeah, no, I'm gonna have coffee with Aaron, so I'm not gonna be able to be there.
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I'm gonna leave here in 15 minutes, so that means you're gonna show up 30 minutes after we discuss.
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And so that, like, that kind of stuff really eats me, because I'm like, what does this mean if Erin moves home?
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Like, does that mean I really am just, like, secondary?
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And if so, I really want to know that so I can orient myself appropriately, because I'm pouring a lot into this.
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What are you feeling?
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Well, I mean, that, like, in those moments, I can totally understand and empathize how all of a sudden having the time being slightly shifted,
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even if it's a small amount of time, can be emotionally hard to experience and confusing.
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Do you get that it's less about the time thing, though?
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Yeah, it's more about the larger part of it.
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Which is the feeling, the secondary, that your time is not respected as much as Aaron's time, and that it can just be moved around with, like, little consent to you.
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No consent.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Lorena, do you know that Josh suggested changing our partnership title from primary partnership to anchor partners to not put you second?
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I mean, I, through, like, context, kind of understood that to be happening.
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And I feel like we, Josh and I, like, didn't really discuss what anchor partner means to us much, to, like, my own disappointment a little bit,
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but I guess Josh would reassure me that it, like, it's kind of like a primary partnership, but without the inherent hierarchy.
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I mean, I think I wouldn't have...
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I didn't ever describe it as similar to a primary partnership.
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I think I said, wow, we actually, based on our relationship and how it has evolved,
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we actually prescribed way more to relationship anarchy and the values of relationship anarchy.
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And those things are us creating the rules of our relationship.
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between us ourselves.
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We had a pretty intimate first two years, and then it just died.
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It just completely, like, got cut off.
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What killed it?
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Her belief in abstinence.
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Well, we started off casually, so I was having fun, too, without thinking it was going to really go anywhere.
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But why is casual sex or intimacy okay?
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And when you get serious, it's not?
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It's not okay.
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It wasn't.
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But I think maybe I was rebelling then.
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I was probably angry and upset and going through a breakup.
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And just meeting him, I felt like, it was like, oh, he's a bad boy.
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So I'm going to do bad things with the bad boy
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that I'm not going to marry that's you're suddenly allowing yourself
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some freedom internally well it only goes for a very short
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period of time where i can just let it go
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and just let my flesh just do whatever it wants
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and then i'm hit with a whole bunch of shame and guilt and this mental torment later on
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but the struggle is with doing things or even wanting things yeah both
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so it's not even just act of doing
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and it's just like just any desires yeah like for example like masturbation like
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that I feel the same way
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so it's not just it's not just what you do with someone else it's sexuality in general in general
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but now there's nothing to feel guilty about we're married
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and this is something we should be enjoying but there is no like urge or like desire for me like wanting
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unless I had to focus.
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And when I do focus and it actually happens, A, it hurt, and two,
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he get disappointed because I couldn't finish or he couldn't finish.
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So are the two of you operating in this case that the idea of sexuality is intercourse?
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Yes.
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Okay.
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Well, maybe...
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Right?
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Yeah.
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Right.
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Well, when couples meet this kind of impasse,
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pass, they have to get a little creative and expansive about how they define sexuality.
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What if you're aiming to just restore some sense of intimacy, physical intimacy between the two of you,
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not intercourse, coming, just intimacy and some basic pleasure, intercourse off the table.
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I'm all on board for it I just I'm afraid it's he's gonna push to the next
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and then he's gonna express disappointment okay well can you not do
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that well anything's better than exactly right exactly
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so many other things you can do I just don't know
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what it looks like I'm sure you can think of what it looks like that's the thing with our relationship
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that when it's good it's really really good
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and it just takes like a pin drop
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and then it's really really bad
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so maybe you're both really good dissociators well i am for sure yeah he actually dissociates
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so do you want to just help me just how much do you dissociate what's your We're jumping right in,
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so tell me your speech.
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I mean, apparently, um...
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You look like you think it's the best to not say anything.
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Sometimes it's easier for me to speak and then he'll jump in.
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So I guess it's just kind of like a moment where it just gets
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so heightened and to the point that his conscious self is like, I can't do this anymore.
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And like, he won't remember the rest of the night.
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So, so if anyone - You dissociate.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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So you're saying your relationship goes through certain periods that you're like this and then other periods when the bats are out.
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Yeah, there are some times when we have one fight and it's like three months of, like, a struggle to...
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To get back from the fight?
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Yeah.
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What are the main issues?
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Family dynamics.
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I don't have family because I've excommunicated myself from the family who's been very abusive to me,
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but then his dynamic with his family...
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He will still defend them even if they're hurtful towards him and in all of our issues.
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I think this is our main like catalyst that We've come from very different perspectives.
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Mm -hmm because you'll have different versions not not only different birds.
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Actually, yes We will have the same version.
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We don't think we don't make up stuff But we have a different feelings to the both of us.
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This is right here.
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I just see it from this angle So I see the logo and you don't.
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No. You see the logo?
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I see the bottle about to explode and me holding it together and my hands bleeding.
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You're saying you feel things intensely.
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If something is really bad, you're saying you just go to sever the relationship.
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So that's kind of an intense reaction.
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Yeah, for sure.
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And you're saying about Casimir, you, I guess, tolerate more?
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Or you're not, you don't have that intensity of a reaction?
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To you, it's not an exploding bottle?
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Yeah, to me, it's not an exploding bottle.
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Right.
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What would be your response to that?
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What?
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I'm afraid of the fighting.
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I'm afraid of, it's the intensity of the fights.
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What happens?
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I don't like, like, it's the yelling, the drinking, the name -calling,
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and when it gets to that point, it feels helpless.
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Mm -hmm.
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He's my best friend.
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Mm -hmm.
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I want it to work.
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I don't want the anger.
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Mm -hmm.
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What are you thinking?
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I mean, this is kind of where I was talking about the bottle earlier that I do want the anger sometimes.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 241 sentences and 2535 words to shadow. The speech runs for 17:13. The speaker talks at a steady 147 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. 85% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| partnership noun | /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/ | The state of being associated with a partner. |
| intimacy noun | /ˈɪn.tɪ.mə.si/ | Intimate relationship. |
| rely verb | /ɹɪˈlaɪ/ | To trust; to have confidence in; to depend. |
| explode verb | /ɪkˈsploʊd/ | To fly apart with sudden violent force; to blow up, to burst, to detonate, to go off. |
| loneliness noun | /ˈloʊnlinəs/ | A feeling of depression resulting from being alone or from having no companions. |
| intercourse noun | /ˈɪn.tɚˌkɔɹs/ | Communication, conversation. |
| consistent adjective | /kənˈsɪs.tənt/ | Of a regularly occurring, dependable nature. |
| anger noun | /ˈæŋɡə/ | A strong and unpleasant feeling of displeasure, hostility, or antagonism, usually combined with an urge to yell, curse, damage or destroy things, or harm… |
| consent verb | /kənˈsɛnt/ | To express willingness, to give permission. |
| logo noun | /ˈloʊ.ɡoʊ/ | A visual symbol or emblem that acts as a trademark or a means of identification of a company or organization. |
| anime noun | /ˈæn.ɪ.meɪ/ | An animated work that originated in Japan, regardless of the artistic style. |
| consistently adverb | /kənˈsɪstəntli/ | In a consistent manner. |
| intensity noun | /ɪnˈtɛnsɪti/ | The quality of being intense. |
| interact verb | /ɪn.təˈɹækt/ | To engage in communication and other shared activities (with someone). |
| anchor noun | /ˈæŋ.kəː/ | A tool used to moor a vessel to the bottom of a sea or river to resist movement. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| grow up verb | To mature and become an adult. | |
| cut off verb | /ˌkʌt ˈɔf/ [ˌkɐɾ ˈɔf] | To remove by cutting. |
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. | |
| make up verb | /ˌmeɪk ˈʌp/ | To constitute, to compose. |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. | |
| sit down verb | To assume a sitting position from a standing position. | |
| start off verb | To begin. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've experienced · you've ever told · you've ever asked |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | was given · was never had · is predicated |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 99 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, you're, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/, casual /ˈkæʒ(u)əl/, flesh /flɛʃ/, conscious /ˈkɑn.ʃəs/, assumption /əˈsʌm(p).ʃ(ə)n/
- Long words — get the stress right: intimacy /ˈɪn.tɪ.mə.si/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, intensity /ɪnˈtɛnsɪti/, disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/, disappointed /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnɪd/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like partnership, intimacy, rely.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.