Shadowing Practice: How to Think 10 Steps Ahead In Any High Stakes Conversation - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Most people, they approach high -stake conversations like they're playing a game of checkers.

One move at a time, they say what comes to mind and then they just hope for the best.

But great communicators, they're playing a game of chess.

They're 10 steps ahead.

They've already planned the conversation in advance, where it can go wrong, and how to course correct when it does go wrong.

I've spent over the last 15 years coaching communication to Fortune 500 companies,

and the single biggest difference that I've noticed between people who thrive under pressure It's actually not how smart they are,

it's about how they prepare for those types of conversations.

We're going to cover two things.

Everything before the conversation starts, pre -game.

This is how you prepare for a high stakes conversation.

And then everything that happens during the conversation, I call this

game time this is how to navigate the conversation

and steer it in the direction you want by the end

of this video you'll know how to walk into any high pressure conversation like a salary negotiation a difficult client

or a tough conversation with your boss

and you're going to be able to leave with the outcome

you want you see there are four pathways a conversation could

have the first one is lose lose this is where no

one gets what they want then there is win lose this is where you get

This is how people think conversations should be.

there is win -win.

Both parties walk away feeling like they got what they wanted.

And the fourth is actually a little bit cheeky because the fourth is Lose, win.

I'll explain why this is cheeky later.

Understanding that these four pathways exist will help you in the pre -game phase

because now you can see any conversation as a set of

four possible outcomes you can deliberately steer towards instead of something you just react to in the moment.

Like I said earlier, most people try to create a win -lose scenario.

They think, how do I get what I want here?

Let me share with you a story that demonstrates this.

My best friend Ali went to to do one of the top negotiation programs in the world.

They had about 30 students in the class and they split them into groups of two.

One person was selling a product and the other person had to negotiate.

So Ali immediately thought to himself, if I'm the person buying the product, my goal is to get the product for the lowest price possible.

So he negotiated hard.

He's got his partner down 75%.

He comes back to the room with a massive smile on his face because he thinks he's done it.

But then the professor looked at him and basically said, you actually I did really bad, Ali.

And Ali was shocked, thinking, what the hell?

The professor looked at him and said, the point of a negotiation isn't to destroy the other person and their profit margins.

It isn't to make the other person lose.

A great negotiation is when both people walk away feeling like they've won.

And that lesson is such an important one because Ali got the best numbers in the room, but his partner hated him for it by the end of the process.

And this is why I'm telling you that story.

The foundational framework for any high stakes conversation has to be win -win.

Whether you're asking for a pay rise, whether you're speaking to a difficult client, whether you're trying to get an idea across to your boss, if the whole mindset is win -lose, then it comes across as selfish.

And that shows up in your voice, your body language, and your energy.

corner the other person.

Instead, you start trying to understand what they need and how they can win.

People can feel this.

And I promise you

that you will get more of what you want out of this life by having this as a default mindset.

And trust me, the goodwill from living this way, it compounds over time.

Once you get that right, the next thing you need, that's the pregame.

This is where most people go wrong because they think preparation means scripting the whole conversation out in their own head.

They think, what am I going to say if they say this?

What exact line am I going to use?

The moment the conversation moves in a direction you didn't anticipate, the script collapses and now you're stuck trying to think and speak at the same time.

What you actually want before a high stakes conversation is a high level map.

And this map does not need to be hyper specific.

You're not trying to predict every single turn in the road.

You just want to be moving in the right direction.

So before any high stakes or high pressure conversation, there are three things I want clarity on.

Number one, what is the outcome I want?

pushable outcome gives you a clear destination.

So you can stay flexible with the path

while still knowing where to push and when to trade and actually when to walk away.

The second question is what's the outcome they want?

This is where we applied the win -win lens.

This forces you to step out of your own head and get really specific about what's in it for them, their incentives and what gets them excited.

And number three, What are the sensitive and difficult parts of this conversation?

Parts of the conversation where it could go sideways.

And how would you navigate it if you happen to get to those places in the conversation?

By naming the likely friction points in advance, you can prepare cleaner explanations,

alternative paths, or questions for each one which makes you much much harder to rattle in the moment.

Let me show you exactly what I mean by what I just said.

One of our dream clients reached out to us.

Disney.

Now I watch Disney with my kids all the time.

The to work with one of the most biggest brands in the world felt amazing.

But here's where the pressure came in.

They wanted a small, highly tailored session for about 30 of their leaders.

And that's great for them.

But from our side of the business, those boutique sessions are hard because we coach hundreds and sometimes thousands of people every single cohort we teach.

So going into that call, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I didn't want to lose the opportunity, but at the same time, I didn't want to do something that would negatively impact the

our business

so beforehand I got really clear on what they wanted they wanted a specialized coaching session for their team

and I got really clear on what I wanted to better

work with one of the biggest brands in the world

and to better do so in a way

that scales meaning bigger cohorts more impact and I got extremely clear on where the conversation could go sideways number one

I put the 30 Disney leaders into my public class that's not tailored to them at all they'll hate that.

Number two, I agree on these smaller classes

and it sets a precedent for how we work together in the future that I can't sustain.

Or three, they might not end up working with me because I'm too inflexible.

And that was the map.

It wasn't some hyper -specific script.

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It was a clear understanding of the lay of the land.

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And during the conversation, I led with what they needed.

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I said, hey, look, I completely get why you want a small, tailored class.

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And if I win what I needed.

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I said, we normally work with much larger cohorts.

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However, I would really love to work with you.

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This isn't something I would normally do, but we're happy to work on a solution together with you.

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I'll run this first cohort as a small group of 30.

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And I'm going to show you that through that experience, how we don't lose any impact with scale

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because we'll be using breakout rooms so that even if we had 500 people on the call and the training, every single time I teach the leaders a new concept,

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we'll break them into smaller breakout rooms and in groups of three apply the things they learn in the small groups, so it doesn't lose its intimacy.

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But I'll run it with a small group first to prove to you that this is possible.

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And if I can do this, would you be open to us scaling what we do together?

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So on the surface, after I said that, it seems like it was a lose -win situation where I lost and I had to compromise.

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But in actual reality, because I was prepared for the conversation by looking at what they wanted, looking at what I wanted, and looking for the difficult parts of the conversation,

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I was able to be prepared and be flexible and that I just shared with you above.

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And you know what happened?

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We're working with Disney now!

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And that's where the whole thing flipped.

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From being a short term perceived lose win, to a long term win win.

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They got the small private session that they asked for, and we got the opportunity to open the door to something that is much more scalable.

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reaching the destination you're trying to get to.

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For me specifically, I'd love Disney to consider me to be the voice of Mufasa in the future.

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Remember who you are, Simba.

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Is that alright?

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I thought that was pretty good.

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Knowing my luck, they're probably gonna make me Pumba.

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And I'd be okay with that.

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So, that's what you do before the conversation.

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But what about when you're actually in the conversation, and somebody throws something at you that you didn't see coming?

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And you start to get nervous?

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You start to talk faster as a result of that?

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And then you start to ramble?

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And then you start talking in circles?

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That's where most people lose themselves.

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So let me give you a framework that I use in those moments that's going to help you think on the spot.

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I call it PA P A R PA And the P stands for Pause.

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And I know this is hard because when someone puts you on the spot, your instinct is to start speaking immediately and respond right away.

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You feel like if you don't answer fast, you're gonna look unsure and uncertain.

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But that's actually a trap.

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Speaking fast makes you look nervous and it makes you look like you didn't put any thought into your response.

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People value your words more when you pause and think about your answer. So pause.

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Give yourself 3 -5 seconds.

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10 if you need it.

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And if it's a longer pause, just give them context.

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You need a little more time.

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Hey, do you mind just giving me a moment to think through that really thoroughly before I give you an answer?

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That doesn't make you look weak.

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It makes you look like someone who actually thinks before they speak.

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Now the A is for ask.

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This one's massive because in high pressure conversations, the first question people ask is often not the real question they need answered.

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There's often a question behind the question.

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Chris Voss, the author of the amazing book, Never Split the Difference, talks about using calibrated questions, which are questions that begin with a what or a how,

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which helps you uncover the real question behind their question.

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This keeps the other person talking so you get more information, so you have more clarity, they actually want.

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And the best part, while you're asking these questions, guess what you get more of? you get more time to think.

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Let me give you an example.

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Let's say you're in a high stakes meeting, presenting social media performance to a big client of yours, and out of nowhere they ask, Then "Why aren't we growing more this month?" Now,

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if you react too quickly, you'll start defending your whole darn strategy.

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But if you pause and then ask a clarifying question, everything's gonna change in that conversation.

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You might just say to them, after you've paused, That's a fair question.

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How do you define growing right now on social media?

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Then they're gonna say, "Well, our follower growth looks like it's been trending downwards for the last two months." Now they've identified

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that growing is linked to follower growth.

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Then comes the R in PAR.

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It stands for respond.

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Now you respond.

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But you're no longer responding to the surface layer question.

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You're responding to the real question.

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Now that you have more clarity on what they mean, you can respond with, Yes, follower growth has been down, but if you look at revenue, it's actually grown over the last two months.

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And that's because we've improved our content targeting to reach more of our ideal customers, resulting in more money in your bank account.

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Which, correct me if I'm wrong, that is the goal, right?

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You see, if you had rushed to answer that first question, you'd have given the wrong answer to the wrong question.

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That would make you look bad.

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which you look good and speaks to what the client actually cares about.

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Money, money, money.

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So the framework again is simple.

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You first Pause then you ask some calibrated questions and then you respond.

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But sometimes it's not just Pa as I've already slightly alluded to if you noticed me using plurals before,

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sometimes it's Paaaaa.

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Because sometimes asking one calibrated question isn't enough.

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Sometimes you have to ask multiple.

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And if you want to learn more communication frameworks just like this one, make sure you click the link in the description or scan the QR code that's on screen.

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I've recorded a free two -hour training

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that walks you through my top three frameworks

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that I use every single day to help me structure my thinking before I speak

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so that I don't ramble and I can get my points communicate for the better.

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Now underneath all of that, this is a principle that I believe stops anxiety in high stakes situations.

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Panic usually happens when you get attached to one exact path instead of staying anchored to the destination.

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So the real principle is this, know the destination, be prepared, and be extremely flexible with the pathway there.

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And I'll give you a personal example.

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My dream car is a Ford F -150.

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Why?

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Because I lived in America for five years and while I was there, everybody had one.

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And it was the coolest adventure vehicle I'd ever seen.

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It was love at first sight.

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And up until the recent years, this car was not available in Australia.

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But now, it is and i applied the lessons

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that i've taught you in this video in the highest stakes

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conversation i've ever had in my life it's my wife p

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when she's the boss of the shang household

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so going into this conversation i thought very clearly about what i wanted

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and why then i thought about what's in it for her

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and the kids and then i thought about where the conversation could potentially get rocky everything

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that i've taught you so far

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and i could already hear her saying we have too many

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cars vinnie where's the money gonna come from why do we need something so big and

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all of those things before the conversation even happened oh I was prepared and so

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when I had the conversation I focused the conversation around the win -win what's in it for both us

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and the kids big boot space for carrying supplies

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that we need for our renovations epic towing power to tow the family caravan safely

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because if it was just me I wouldn't care but

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when you and the kids are in the car safety is is paramount.

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When we go to Costco we can put two months worth of groceries in the U bed so less grocery trips.

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It's a big reminder of the chapter of us living in the US and how much we loved it.

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There are massage seats in the front seats.

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It makes long road trips more comfortable for you and I.

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We have a car now that can fit the kids bikes, kayaks and scooters all at once.

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The dogs can finally go on road trips with us without pooping and vomiting and destroying the leather seats in the back.

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And, Finally, you know what they say: "Happy husband, less money in the bank account." But, Don't forget the first part happy husband.

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And during that conversation I watched her face change, she smiled, then she also looked angry at some parts but mostly it was smiles.

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in the beginning it was a hard no

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but as i started explaining the family benefits i watched her start to nod along

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and then guess what happened we got the truck we got

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the truck oh my god i got the f -150 i'm

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so happy and it's in black too how cool does it look

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and trust me this doesn't just work in your personal life it works in your professional life too

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and you're going to be able to get more of the things you want out of life if you remember First, go in with a win -win mindset.

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Second, do the pregame and build the map before you walk into the conversation.

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And third, when the conversation gets a little bit rocky, Use the PAR framework.

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And finally, know the destination you want to get to with clarity, but stay flexible with the pathway there.

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Oh, and make sure you go check out the free two hour training on communication frameworks.

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If you want to get better at communicating under pressure and stop rambling, scan the QR code or click the link in the description.

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I'll see you inside that training.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How to Think 10 Steps Ahead In Any High Stakes Conversation”. This video has 233 sentences and 3031 words to shadow. The speech runs for 15:48. The speaker talks fast, about 192 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
stake noun	/steɪk/	A piece of wood or other material, usually long and slender, pointed at one end so as to be easily driven into the ground as a marker or a support or stay.
pause noun	/pɔːz/	A temporary stop or rest; an intermission of action; interruption; suspension; cessation.
cohort noun	/ˈkoʊ̯ˌhɔɹt/	A group of people supporting the same thing or person.
pathway noun	/ˈpæθˌweɪ/	A footpath or other path or track.
negotiation noun	/nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/	The process of achieving agreement through discussion.
clarity noun	/ˈklæɹ.ɪ.ti/	The state or measure of being clear, either in appearance, thought or style; lucidity.
flexible adjective	/ˈflɛk.sɪ.bəl/	Capable of being flexed or bent without breaking; able to be turned or twisted without breaking.
calibrate verb	/ˈkæl.ɪ.bɹeɪ̯t/	To check or adjust by comparison with a standard.
ramble verb	/ˈɹæmbəl/	To move about aimlessly, or on a winding course.
follower noun	/ˈfɒləʊə(ɹ)/	One who follows, comes after another.
tailor noun	/ˈteɪlɚ/	A person who makes, repairs, or alters clothes professionally, especially suits and men's clothing.
mindset noun	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	A way of thinking; an attitude or opinion, especially a habitual one.
breakout noun		An escape from prison.
pregame noun		A social gathering of friends who get together to drink before going out to a party or a sports game, in order to generate a slight feeling of intoxication…
cheeky adjective	/ˈt͡ʃiːki/	Impudent; impertinent; impertinently bold, often in a way that is regarded as endearing or amusing.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
walk away verb	To withdraw from a problematic situation.
check out verb	To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.).
come across verb	To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition.
end up verb	To bring to a conclusion.
go in with verb	To commit to something with; to partner with.
think through verb	To fully consider, so as to understand all the consequences of.

Sentences worth repeating

Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:

We're going to cover two things.
I'll explain why this is cheeky later.
They think, how do I get what I want here?
What exact line am I going to use?
Number one, what is the outcome I want?

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result	if I can do this, would you · if you react too quickly, you'll start · if it was just me I wouldn't care
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	They've already planned · I've spent · I've noticed
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	people who thrive · one which makes · someone who actually

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 79 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, I've, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “th” sounds: pathway /ˈpæθˌweɪ/, thrive /θɹajv/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, thoroughly /ˈθʌɹ.ə.li/
The “sh” and “zh” sounds: negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/, specialize /ˈspɛʃəˌlaɪz/, friction /ˈfɹɪkʃən/
Long words — get the stress right: negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, communicator /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪtə/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/, intimacy /ˈɪn.tɪ.mə.si/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like stake, pause, cohort.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: How to Think 10 Steps Ahead In Any High Stakes Conversation - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Sentences worth repeating

Grammar in this video

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?