Shadowing Practice: Life Lessons at 36 - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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I turned 36 a few weeks ago, and I entered this new era with a big splash.
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I celebrated it with the closest people in my life, and I had a blast.
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But before I got way too ahead of myself, I wanted to make sure that I sat down and I reflected
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as like a gift to myself and a reminder of how far I've come.
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So here are the core lessons that I would love to bring into my new year.
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The first lesson is to face everything you're avoiding
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because eventually it will get to a place where you can't ignore it it's no secret
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that i went through a few dark years after my divorce
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but like the biggest habit that happened was i was constantly delaying things
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and i just got comfortable with like minimizing the life tabs in my brain
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but the thing is like just
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because you ignore something doesn't mean it goes away i envision a digestive system each task
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that you do are things that you have to swallow right
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and if you don't execute them they can't pass so each task
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that you don't do you end up just becoming more indigested
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because it's compounding and finally you get to a place where you are just like spiritually constipated
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and that's how i felt i just felt
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so shitty all the time it got to a point on my 35th birthday
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and i was like i actually can't do this anymore
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so i sat down on my desk i wrote down a list of everything
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that i was running away from
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and then i got my calendar out i started assigning the tasks to a specific date
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and you know what's crazy the things
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that i was agonizing over for months i was able to just finish in a few days
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and the amount of relief
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that i felt oh my gosh it literally felt like i took like like a diarrhea pill
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or something the reality of the situation was
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so anticlimactic to what my dread had imagined it to be like i thought
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that i was trapped i thought that i was stuck i thought
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that this was impossible but that is the danger of procrastination it makes you feel
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that way because you're caught in this vicious cycle
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but the second you get specific with how you want to handle it
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and tackle it oh my gosh you're just like why did i do this sooner
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so my big lesson is if there is something
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that you can handle right now just do it and
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if it's something that you can't control then you have to release it i've been told many times
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that i am a busy bee
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and the rumors are unfortunately true i love being busy sue me
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but if i am so for real with myself i realized
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that i was using busyness as a coping mechanism
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when i traveled to korea with my parents for our annual
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trip suddenly i had huge stretches of time with no obligations
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like i didn't have to cook for anyone i didn't have anything to clean i didn't have any deadlines
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and you'd think
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that i would be soaring no it actually made me deeply
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uncomfortable like I caught myself like making this hyper detailed itinerary
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in Jeju until I realized like girl Jen just stop stop planning just exist
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so while I was sitting with my thoughts in Korea I realized
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that I have this tendency to yearn for what I don't have like just before the trip
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when I was in LA I was writing in my journal like oh I feel
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so stuck every day feels the same it's groundhog's day I can't wait to break free out of my routine
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and then the second I landed in korea i was like
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i'm homesick i miss lennon i miss cheeky i miss my
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bed i was really confronted with the truth of like
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if you can't be happy where you are right now you won't be happy anywhere
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because wherever you go there you are and then once i unlocked
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that thought i was like i gotta enjoy this right now i am with my parents my aunts
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and uncles who i haven't seen in such a long time
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and as beautiful as
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that trip was i had to be okay with it feeling bittersweet let's talk about venting
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because i for one love a good venting session it feels righteous it feels cathartic
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and i'm like a firm believer that
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when you bottle things up inside it's not good for you
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but i've realized that venting too much only cements the story it actually just wastes your anger
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because anger isn't necessarily a bad thing it's just like your
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internal bodyguard being like yo something's wrong a boundary's been crossed it's just looking out for you it's information
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and it's also fuel but when you just sit there
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and you vent about the same thing over
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and over again you are running through
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that fuel without actually solving anything it can become like a
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form of rumination where you're just kind of re -traumatizing yourself over
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and over again and
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if you're just saying the repetitive story then how else are
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you supposed to reframe your perspective my approach is very different today for minor inconveniences
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if i can fix the problem in the time
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that i've complained about it then i don't even say anything
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i don't even utter maybe i'll do like a big eye roll
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but i'll just handle it that's it
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and i just move on with my life now if it's something
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that is like genuinely weighing on me i'll whip up my journal i'll write it down i'll sleep on it
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and and then if I'm still like just fixated on it, I'll call a friend. Of course.
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A heads up is very important.
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Being like, hey, can I have 15 minutes to vent about something?
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And then I just move on with my life, usually.
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And then of course there is therapy.
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Either way, I've gotten to a point where I just don't let bad moments take permanent residency in my head anymore.
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I did another dry January this year and I like doing this habit.
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It's a good ritual.
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I feel like I start the year with like a clear baseline and I notice something about drinking.
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Drinking is a lot like gambling.
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In order to win, you have to know when to walk out of that table.
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But the trap is always identical.
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Like once you're having a good night, you get momentum.
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It's really hard to stop.
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Like for me, once I pass drink four, five, six, like I am donezo.
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No matter how much fun I was having, no matter what crazy stuff happened that night, if I am hungover, that is the only thing that I really remember.
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It completely swallows the whole experience.
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Once I hit my mid 30s, my body keeps a strict log.
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I simply cannot get away with what I used to.
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And I feel like I still haven't given up drinking entirely
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like I love a dry white with dinner I love a Hugo spritz, but I treat it like cashing out chips I'm learning to recognize
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when the night has hit its peak and when to cash out my chips For example, I went to a music festival last weekend Portola.
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Guess who left early?
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Alone It was the last day.
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I left at 8 p .m.
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Alone.
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Everyone was shocked.
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They're like, Jen, are you okay?
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And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine.
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I'm just, I just got to go home.
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And you have no idea how good it felt to have gotten my extroverted fix
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and listen to music and just be in bed.
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It truly has been a game changer.
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At this point in my life, the two qualities that I really look for in a friendship is trust and non -judgment.
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Don't get me wrong.
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I love a friend that's hilarious and intelligent and tells the best stories.
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But if I can't trust you, you're just not going to enter my close circle trust to me is feeling safe around
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that person i feel like confident
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that you will accept me as i am i've also learned
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that being a better friend means talking a little less especially
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when your other friends are going through something just like some thoughtful questions before you want to just like come
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and like shove advice me
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and my friends do a really good job taking turns like being containers for one another
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if someone needs to vent or express themselves
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or kind of like walk through like an issue they're going
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through like a lot of times I feel like I'm a giant jar where I hold them I ask questions
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and at that very very end I'll put in my two cents
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but you have to do it with the expectation
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that they're not gonna change you know just
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because you said like you should do this it's
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so simple you can't expect them to change like they're gonna change
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when they want to obviously there are exceptions to this
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if your friend is doing something that is really raising eyebrows
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and you're like oh my gosh I'm like genuinely concerned for
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you let them know you know you're not their therapist like you're also gonna be real with them oh
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if they want the harsh truth you gotta tell them too
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and that's what being a friend is it's about learning
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when to listen and also when to challenge them and
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when to soothe them i don't know there's many hats you wear as a friend
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but either way bottom line foundational pillars for a friendship it's trust
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and non -judgment it took me a hot minute to be okay with spending an evening to myself.
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Because whenever I had a night off, I would say yes to everything.
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Yes to parties, events, a dinner, I was there.
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I just thought, oh, I'm just very extroverted.
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But if I am honest with myself, I think I was just very uncomfortable being by myself.
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Because when you co -parent, the contrast is so intense.
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You go from like a high energy filled day, filled with noise, toys, and just like constant caretaking.
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And then once they're with the other parent, it's just absolute silence It's like ringing silence
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and you just end up feeling extremely empty
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And I just didn't know how to deal with
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that I really started to romanticize and look forward to my alone time And I would be lying to you saying like, oh my gosh, I instantly felt amazing No, there have been so many nights where I'm just crying,
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doing my skincare Being like everything is fine
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when it clearly did not feel fine I think
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that was like one of the main things
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that I had to face was like that I'm alone
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and that's okay I don't know I think like just the
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best way to describe my loneliness was it felt like this big swallowing black hole
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that it was just like coming after me and
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if I was alone like I felt like it would just swallow me
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and like I wouldn't exist I know that doesn't make sense but that's that's how
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urgent it felt to run away from this because I felt like
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if I'm not with people like who am I another thought
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that came to my head was like I'm gonna to feel
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this way forever you know I'm gonna feel I'm gonna feel lonely
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and sad and like a loser for the rest of my life
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but but now I know
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that that's not true like no amount of sadness is going
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to kill me I'm beginning to like trust myself knowing
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that I'm going to make it through like I know
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that I have the capacity to see this through see it out and a lot of the times after I sleep
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I'll feel a little bit better.
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Not 100%, but at least 20, 30%.
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Like honestly, a solid night's sleep is life's biggest medicines.
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I feel like after doing it for like a good solid year, I have gotten into a better rhythm of my solo time.
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I really enjoy my routine and I find that instead of like expending energy, now I feel like I'm really recharging.
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I'm doing the things that I know that I like to do.
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Like I love cooking a dinner for myself, meal prepping.
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I love reorganizing a drawer for myself so that when I open it, I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I did this for myself.
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I love doing my skincare routine.
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I love going on a walk with Cheeky at night.
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I love reading and writing.
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And so if anything, it's nice to do these solitary activities.
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I'm not lonely.
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I'm just embracing my solitude.
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And I feel like never more than ever, I've been really practicing.
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I've been really using this muscle and it feels good.
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Success looks very different to me today
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because as much as I don't want to admit this in
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my 20s my success was completely tied to the metrics of my channel
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if my channel was booming
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if a video performed well I would be like yes I did it but
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if something underperformed I would be like I suck I think
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especially after becoming a mom it really kind of like put things into perspective
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and I think by 2026 I can confidently say
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that I don't care anymore after my divorce I took like kind of a break on social media
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and once i came back i was like yeah the landscape has definitely changed
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but now like i really do not take algorithms personally like it's just it just is what it is
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and at this point like if a video does well i'm like great
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but if it doesn't go well i'm like great i'm just excited
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and honestly grateful
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that i literally still have a platform to do this especially youtube like oh my gosh
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if i didn't have youtube i don't know how i would
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express myself Success right now looks like maintenance for me Like maybe I did, maybe I got a little up But as long as I stay generally in this line,
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I'll be grateful Even if I tank a bit, I'm like, this is fine Because I think I've learned that
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when you relentlessly push for professional growth It often just buys you more work
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and more stress And now that my son is five, like I do not want to blink
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and have his childhood be over Like it is
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so sacred to me Like I don't know maybe in 10
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years like he's gonna be like embarrassed to be around me But like right now
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I'm his favorite person or like me and Ben are both his favorite people, but you know what I mean when I walk into a room he's like
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You know what he means like I know
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that these days are limited for that and and when that day comes where
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He doesn't want to hang out with me Like I'm gonna have to accept
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that but I want to know
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that I showed up for him in his childhood as a present loving mother
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and so I have very bright lines when I work.
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When he gets home from school, I stop working.
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So the evenings and the weekends are strictly reserved for my family and I really like it this way.
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I feel like I finally have like a really good balance between work and my personal life.
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These are the times I will be aching for when I'm 85 or I don't know, or when my deathbed is happening, I'll be like, dang, I really missed when I was 36.
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Success is not just about like maintaining like my professional life, but also my personal life.
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I want to be an attentive mother, I want to be a dependable daughter, I want to be a communicative co -parent, I want to be a grounded and available friend.
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This is a lot, you know?
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And if I've cashed all my chips on like, bro, I want to have the most successful career and I want to jack the algorithm and make the most engaging video,
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I'm not going to have time for all of this.
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And I accept
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that like i would rather i'd rather just be like kind of mediocre at my job
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but like a stellar family member
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and friend like that's what success looks like for me i
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feel like maybe my creative ambition might surge again at some point
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but right now it's really protecting this like work personal life
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boundary for me honestly stepping into 36 i do feel like
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a different person like it's not like a day to night situation
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but when i read my entries from 35 to who i am now those 365 days
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a lot of change has happened and i wouldn't say it was my happiest year
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but it was my best year
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and i don't know i'm like actually really excited to see
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what kind of lessons i learned this following one i want to thank you guys
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so much for watching this video
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and for being this community who has really seen me through
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so many of my chapters the beautiful ones the messy ones
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and even just the mundane ones if you guys want to share any revelations
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or realizations you've had please write it in the comments down below love it
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when you guys do all right i'll talk to you guys in the next one bye
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Thank you.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “Life Lessons at 36”. This video has 245 sentences and 2990 words to shadow. The speech runs for 14:57. The speaker talks fast, about 200 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. Only 80% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is demanding.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| gosh | /ɡɑːʃ/ | A mild expression of surprise or enthusiasm. |
| lesson noun | /ˈlɛs.ən/ | A section of learning or teaching into which a wider learning content is divided. |
| swallow verb | /ˈswɑ.loʊ/ | To cause (food, drink etc.) to pass from the mouth into the stomach; to take into the stomach through the throat. |
| routine noun | /ɹuˈtin/ | A course of action to be followed regularly; a standard procedure. |
| chip noun | /t͡ʃɪp/ | A small piece broken from a larger piece of solid material. |
| vent noun | /vɛnt/ | An opening through which gases, especially air, can pass. |
| ventilation noun | /ˌvɛntɪˈleɪʃ(ə)n/ | The replacement of stale or noxious air with fresh. |
| ignore verb | /ɪɡˈnɔː/ | To deliberately not listen or pay attention to. |
| silence noun | /ˈsaɪ̯ləns/ | The absence of any sound. |
| anger noun | /ˈæŋɡə/ | A strong and unpleasant feeling of displeasure, hostility, or antagonism, usually combined with an urge to yell, curse, damage or destroy things, or harm… |
| friendship noun | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | The condition of being friends. |
| divorce noun | /dɪˈvɔːs/ | The legal dissolution of a marriage. |
| grateful adjective | /ˈɡɹeɪtf(ə)l/ | Of a person or their actions, feelings, etc.: expressing gratitude or appreciation; appreciative, thankful. |
| trap noun | /tɹæp/ | A machine or other device designed to catch (and sometimes kill) animals, either by holding them in a container, or by catching hold of part of the body. |
| judgment noun | /ˈd͡ʒʌd͡ʒ.mənt/ | The act of judging. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| cash out verb | To reconcile at the end of a shift; to compare receipts of items sold to records of credit card, check and cash placed into the drawer, verifying that correct… |
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. |
| run away from verb | To avoid or shirk a problem or consequences; to rush to back away from or disclaim responsibility for something. |
| come back verb | To return to a place. |
| get away with verb | To get away, or escape, taking (something) with one. |
| give up verb | To surrender (someone or something); to inform on (someone). |
| go away verb | To depart or leave a place. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- I'm just, I just got to go home.
- I just thought, oh, I'm just very extroverted.
- I'll feel a little bit better.
- I'm just embracing my solitude.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | if a video performed well I would be · if something underperformed I would be |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've come · i've been told · haven't seen |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | was trapped · i've been told · was really confronted |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 120 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, I'll. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: algorithm /ˈælɡəɹɪðm̩/, rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, thoughtful /ˈθɔːtfəl/, cathartic /kəˈθɑɹtɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, ventilation /ˌvɛntɪˈleɪʃ(ə)n/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, contrast /kənˈt(ʃ)ɹæst/, shock /ʃɔk/
- Long words — get the stress right: ventilation /ˌvɛntɪˈleɪʃ(ə)n/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, intelligent /ɪnˈtɛlɪd͡ʒənt/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like gosh, lesson, swallow.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.