Shadowing Practice: How To Talk To Anyone | small talk, social anxiety, conversation tips! - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Do you feel awkward around people?
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Has the pandemic exacerbated your social anxiety?
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Do you tend to overthink every little thing you said in a discussion?
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If so, you've clicked on the right video.
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Because today, I'm going to share with you how I tame my social anxiety and how you can sparkle in any conversation.
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Let's get started.
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So first up, I want to talk about the difference between self -confidence
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and self -esteem these two are always interchangeably used
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but they're actually quite different
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so self -confidence can be applied to skills like you become confident at things
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that you do over and over and over again
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and that's how you master them like like driving I remember
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when I first learned how to drive at 15 I was
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freaking terrified I was driving like five miles per hour in the slowest lane freaking out
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but after just continuously doing it over
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and over again I'm just like whizzing up the road safely
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of course the same thing can be applied with socializing it is truly a skill
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that you can just build upon by just doing it over
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and over again self -esteem on the other hand is how you view
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and perceive yourself this is like how you treat yourself
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when you're all alone
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and this really explains like how I felt socially I was completely confident being in social situations talking to people
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but because I had low self -esteem when I'd go home I would literally overthink everything I said.
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I would think, did I overshare?
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Was I too much?
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Did I sound stupid?
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I knew
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that I had to get to the root of building my self -esteem in order to just have more healthy social interactions.
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And one huge way that I built my self -esteem is therapy.
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This leads us to our sponsor.
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Thank you, BetterHelp, for sponsoring today's video.
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BetterHelp is a service that assesses your needs and then matches you with your very own licensed professional therapist.
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They have a huge range of over 20 ,000 therapists
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So they really cover an expansive range of expertise
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So you will find a person
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that will help you go through whatever you're going through
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And the beauty of therapy is you can go for any reason you want Whether you want to heal from trauma, get to the root of what's bothering you,
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venting To even like unearthing new discoveries about yourself I have
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been having the most illuminating discussions with my therapist Sarah on BetterHelp Like I just love therapy
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because it's a place just devoted to whatever I want to talk about
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and what I feel ready to share BetterHelp is also completely confidential
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so everything is safe Getting started is super simple You just fill out a questionnaire
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and you will be matched with a therapist within 48 hours From there you will enter a secure video
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or phone session and exchange unlimited messages with your therapist
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But let's say you're not vibing with your therapist BetterHelp make it really simple
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and free to change
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if needed I am going to leave a link for 10
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% off your first month You can go to my link
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at betterhelp .com slash Jen That's better H -E -L -P I will, of course, leave it in the description box So click it
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if you are interested So let's talk about small talk I would say the majority of people don't like it I mean, there was a phase in my life where I just detested
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small talk I thought it was pointless I just immediately wanted to get deep
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But things have changed I actually see a beauty
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and a charm with small talk I've learned
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that small talk is pretty much the foreplay of conversation A
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lot of the times people need warming up We really are
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like onions I feel like Shrek said it best Like we all have layers to ourselves
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And small talk is just like peeling the first layer It's
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also a vibe check as well You can kind of suss
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out whether you are going to get along with someone If they're feeling social, if they're feeling more closed off
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But I don't love small talk for the entire conversation Small talk doesn't need to be like for an hour
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But I think like 15, 15, 10, 15 minutes of small talk Is like a nice reasonable amount I think
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when you're talking with strangers
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and acquaintances You got to treat them like ovens Like you
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got to put on the preheat before you stick the entree
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in It's not until you've earned their trust Like with a best friend
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or a friend Where you can just treat them like microwaves where you can just like open up
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and like start immediately this leads us to the next phase
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which is to ask questions i think my go -to small
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talk questions start off with just a simple how are you how is your day i see each question
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that i put out kind of as a net
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because i'm trying to catch what we have in common like the main objective for me
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when i enter a conversation is to find something
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that i have in common with that person a small talk question
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that has like the highest success rate for me is what neighborhood do you live in?
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Because if I have been to that city or town or state, I will blurt out any observation that I've made about that.
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So like a recent example is like I went to a concert
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and I met this girl and asked her what neighborhood she lived in.
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And she said Rancho Cucamonga.
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Luckily, I had been there.
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So I just said, oh, I love Rancho.
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I love how straightforward the roads are.
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It's like, it's really like a perfect grid system.
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And she just lit up and was like, oh my God, yeah.
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Like when I'm driving, it's just a street shot.
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And that was just immediately my way in on connecting with someone.
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And the thing is, it could be extremely light.
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It could be a dim sum restaurant.
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It could be a park.
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It could be an arena.
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It could be a freaking Costco.
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It could be anything.
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Another simple one is, what are you drinking?
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Because if we're drinking the same thing, we can be like, ah, oh my gosh, you know, like Sauvignon Blanc, tequila, oh my gosh.
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Like, even if it's just water, you can talk about like different brands of water or if you have a water filter.
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It's literally just blurting out anything that comes to mind or any information that you know about what they say.
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This is why I like small talk because it's really my way of gauging if I vibe with this person or not.
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And it just allows me to keep things light.
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So if like, it's not really going our way, Then I know to not drain my social battery on this person So once small talk is flowing,
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you're feeling good The next objective is to find a topic
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that sparks enthusiasm in both of y 'all
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So I actually have like a Rolodex of hot topics
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that I like to talk about So I'll naturally kind of like go through them
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And see like what sticks with that other person
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And I swear to god it's not as like robotic
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and systematic as I'm laying it out But it's just something
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that I subconsciously do So I like to talk a lot about like feelings.
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So I can sometimes I'll just throw out like, hey, like how's your soul been recently?
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Or what season are you in life right now?
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Have you picked up any hobbies during lockdown?
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Have you had any revelations about lockdown?
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Because, you know, COVID is something that we all experienced globally.
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So that's just just one objective thing that we all have in common.
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And from there, it just really branches out to anything like, you know, some people get into fitness, health, science, walking, meditation spirituality you know so i feel like when i ask
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that question it opens just a box of potential ways
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that we can connect a lot of people think
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that in order to be interesting they need to be super smart
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or funny or whatever narrative they have in their head
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but the best way to be interesting is to be interested generally people enjoy talking even like the biggest introverts
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But the key is to make them feel comfortable
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And I think the best way to do
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that is by actively listening I try my best to really engage with what they're saying Like
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if someone is talking to me
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and sharing something to me I will just focus on what
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they're saying I'm not like playing in my head of like Okay, I'm gonna say this and I'm gonna think of
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that response Like I've noticed that the best responses come from me just genuinely listening
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And not putting
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that pressure on myself to be a certain type of way
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I think learning how to be an active listener is a tool that extroverts and introverts should absolutely do.
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It's just like a life skill.
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If you haven't read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, that's just like a good blueprint of how to do that.
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Like when I read that book in 2016, it just transformed the way I move in social situations.
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And personally when I found out this tip, it was just like a huge relief for me
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because it put the pressure off of like me having to like quote unquote perform
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because i truly am like an ambivert like i would say i'm 55 introverted
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and 45 extroverted so i have no problem
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when an extrovert wants to take up space
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and you know you know do their thing
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when someone is sharing something with me i like to ask a question
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that prides a little deeper about what they just said
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so for example let's say we're talking about revelations you had
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during lockdown let's say this person said yeah the pandemic was crazy i use
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that time to really be more introspective
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and then i would be like oh wow that's
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so interesting like what activities did you do to be more reflective even
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if it's just a super basic question it signals to the other person
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that you're actively interested and curious about their life let's say you're blanking
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and you just have no questions to ask a trick
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that i do is i will just kind of summarize what they said in a sentence
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so going back to the most recent example
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if someone you know opened up about their you know introspective
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pandemic period i would literally just respond oh wow it sounds like
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that was an extremely reflective time for you period
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and maybe i would share revelations that i had during lockdown you know
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so it's really like a two -way street i think every introvert's nightmare is like the dreaded pause
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or like the awkward silence and i just want to point out to you
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that these pauses feel longer in your head than what's actually happening in reality i don't trip out
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when there's like you know a little beat in the conversation and
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if anything it's i kind of see it as a sign
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of like okay like let's let's switch things up a quick
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way to break it is just pointing out something that's in front of you
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because that again is a shared experience it's something
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that you have in common so it could be as simple as I was like, oh my gosh, do you see that chair?
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That's so nice.
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Terrible example, but you know the then you guys could talk about interior design.
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There's always something to talk about But let's say you're having a really wobbly day and you you're just frozen
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I think just being honest and sincere about how you're feeling I've been in
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that situation so many times where I just say oh man I feel
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so socially awkward like I haven't talked to people in a long time So forgive me, you know, just kind of like playing it off like
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that can be really helpful Even
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if you just say like I'm about to have a panic attack that that also disarms that other person.
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And if that other person is feeling the same way, it completely makes them feel more comfortable knowing that you guys are both feeling nervous.
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I think this is a good thing to say on a first date.
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Like if you guys are just both feeling really nervous, just saying, ah, I'm nervous.
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That kinda helps, it really does.
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Because it shows like the humanness.
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It's you being vulnerable.
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And so I think being sincere about how you are
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and how you feel is the best policy in any conversation
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that you're in this leads us to our final tip
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which is no one remembers everything you say they just remember
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how they feel this is the perfect advice for all those over thinkers
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and perfectionists out there like just genuinely no one cares
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if you stuttered or if there was a pause or
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if you asked a stupid question the only thing that's going to be remembered is the energy
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and the vibe and the tone and that's something that
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that is just included in the whole experience of that interaction that you had.
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So if you make them feel comfortable, that's all that really matters.
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Like think about it, after a social event, like how often is it that you feel just so fixated on what someone did, if someone stuttered, or if someone, you know, maybe if they said something mean,
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like maybe they'll stick with you, but then again, like that's not on you, that's on that person.
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It's so true that everyone is the main character in their own movie.
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Even if you spent like all night with that person, you're still just a side character and
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if you just have a small interaction then you're a freaking extra they're probably not gonna remember
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but they'll remember like how they felt you know
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and the thing is even if you make a bad impression
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or they felt weird around you
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if you see them again it's a totally it's like a totally new opportunity to try again there have been
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so many moments where I was just not feeling my best
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but I went out anyway
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and I probably didn't make a great impression I actually look forward to
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when I see those people again because I can redeem myself you know so
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so there's always like a silver lining in these types of
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things all right folks that's all the time i have for
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today i feel like we just touched the surface about conversation
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and socializing and connection uh you know it's
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so true where like even the most introverted person needs connection
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and even the most extroverted person can find ways to connect deeper
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so this is truly an evergreen video for anyone
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and it's also a topic
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that just completely fascinates me also i think what would be what would be really fun is
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if people wrote their favorite like question to ask people.
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Leave that in the comments down below as well.
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I wanna thank you guys so much for watching and go out there and socialize.
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You can do it.
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All right, talk to you later.
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Bye.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 215 sentences and 2619 words to shadow. The speech runs for 12:53. The speaker talks fast, about 203 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| therapist noun | /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/ | Someone who provides therapy, usually professionally. |
| esteem verb | /ɪˈstiːm/ | To set a high value on; to regard with respect or reverence. |
| vibe noun | /vaɪb/ | An atmosphere or aura felt to belong to a person, place or thing. |
| lockdown noun | /ˈlɑkˌdaʊn/ | The confinement of people in their own rooms (e.g., in a school) or cells (in a prison), or to their own homes or areas (e.g., in the case of a city- or… |
| topic noun | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest. |
| connect verb | /kəˈnɛkt/ | To join (to another object): to attach, or to be intended to attach or capable of attaching, to another object. |
| objective noun | /ɒbˈd͡ʒɛk.tɪv/ | A material object that physically exists. |
| awkward adjective | /ˈɔk.wɚd/ | Lacking dexterity in the use of the hands, or of instruments. |
| interaction noun | /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/ | The situation or occurrence in which two or more things act upon one another to produce an effect; the effect resulting from such a situation or occurrence. |
| pause noun | /pɔːz/ | A temporary stop or rest; an intermission of action; interruption; suspension; cessation. |
| revelation noun | /ˌɹɛv.əˈleɪ.ʃən/ | The act of revealing or disclosing. |
| gosh | /ɡɑːʃ/ | A mild expression of surprise or enthusiasm. |
| anxiety noun | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | An unpleasant state of mental uneasiness, nervousness, apprehension and obsession or concern about some uncertain event. |
| skill noun | /skɪl/ | A capacity to do something well; a technique, an ability, usually acquired or learned, as opposed to abilities that are regarded as innate. |
| layer noun | /ˈleɪ̯ɚ/ | A single thickness of some material covering a surface. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. | |
| close off verb | To seal or block the entrance to a road, an area, or a building so that people cannot enter. | |
| do over verb | /ˈduˌoʊvɚ/ | To cover with; to smear or spread on to. |
| fill out verb | /fɪl ˈaʊt/ | To complete a form or questionnaire with requested information. |
| find out verb | To discover, as by asking or investigating. | |
| go back to verb | To stem from; to originate in. | |
| look forward to verb | To anticipate, expect, or wait for, especially with a feeling of approval or pleasure; to be excited or eager to. |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 55 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, I'm, they're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, enthusiasm /ɪnˈθuziæzəm/, thinker /ˈθɪŋ.kɚ/, unearth /ʌnˈɜː(ɹ)θ/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, revelation /ˌɹɛv.əˈleɪ.ʃən/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, impression /ɪmˈpɹɛʃn̩/, socially /ˈsoʊʃəli/
- Long words — get the stress right: interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, revelation /ˌɹɛv.əˈleɪ.ʃən/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like therapist, esteem, vibe.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | you've clicked · have changed · I've learned |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | can be applied · will be matched · be remembered |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.