Shadowing Practice: Quick Thinks: Network Smarter and Make Better Connections - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
1
Your body can strengthen your message just as much as your words can.
2
My name's Matt Abrahams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business.
3
Welcome to this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.
4
My conversation with Vanessa Van Edwards was packed with practical advice for becoming a more confident and engaging communicator.
5
She shared so many useful tips that we couldn't fit them all to one episode.
6
So here come more practical, tactical techniques to help you and your body language reinforce your message.
7
The point you made that we remember things better when we see congruent gestures with what's said, and that can be really helpful.
8
You have some advice and guidance that's very specific about positioning of hands, palm open, palm down.
9
Can you share a little bit?
10
Now, some of our folks are listening, so we're going to have to describe this.
11
Those watching can see it.
12
Let's go back to our biology.
13
I always like to look at why do body language cues translate?
14
How does it work across cultures?
15
How does it work across gender?
16
If we think about, we're about to meet a stranger caveman, like back in our caveman days, right?
17
And we're about to meet a stranger caveman and they're approaching us.
18
And our brain is very quickly trying to decide, friend or foe, friend or foe.
19
The very first place we want to look before eyes, I ask people, where do you look in a first impression?
20
People always say eye contact or smile.
21
Well, actually, the first place we want to look is someone's hands because you want to see what is their intention.
22
Are they waving hello with a nice open palm?
23
Do they have nothing to hide?
24
There's a reason why we like that open palm is because it literally signals to our brain, ah, this person is safe.
25
They are not hiding anything from us.
26
And their intention is positive.
27
Their attention upon upon approach is a greeting.
28
So one of my favorite gestures, ways to hold your hand is open palm, having your palms visible as possible, especially in a first impression.
29
The moment you hop on a call, the moment you walk into a room, whenever I'm working with speakers, the moment you hop on stage, the best gift you can give to your audience is a,
30
hello, happy to be here morning.
31
Even non-verbally having a hand wave before you even take the mic or take the stage, that is signaling to someone, I am literally open to you.
32
My intention is to build rapport with you, is to literally reach out.
33
And whether or not you're in a handshaking culture or not, we like to feel like we could be palm to palm, right?
34
We like to feel like that.
35
So open palm is one of my favorite gestures.
36
I'd like to talk about networking.
37
In your book, Captivate, you dissect the anatomy of a networking event.
38
Can you talk us through a few best practices to maximize our effectiveness in networking.
39
And I'd love advice on how to show up, what to say, where to stand, just all the specifics.
40
As a recovering awkward person, networking events caused me great terror.
41
So as a researcher, what I did was I'm just going to study networking events until I've mastered them, right?
42
Like that's the best way.
43
And luckily we came, we were able to discover some very interesting patterns.
44
So the biggest question I had was in a networking event, what do I do?
45
Like, where do I go?
46
And I noticed anecdotally myself that when I was having different conversations, they had a different feeling based on where I was in the room.
47
So we did a big speed networking experiment.
48
It was actually across three different events in three different rooms, studying foot patterns, where people went, and then also the quality of conversation they were having.
49
And I sort of like a football coach identified that there are three different zones in a networking event.
50
And this also goes for a party, a conference, a trade show, all similar have these.
51
The first biggest worst place to stand is the start zone.
52
And this is the mistake that very anxious people like me make, which is we've walked in and we are alone.
53
Like we feel like we don't have someone with us and our anxiety is the highest.
54
So we're like anyone, anyone, anyone.
55
And we will make conversation with the first person we see.
56
The problem is in the start zone, people have things they need to do.
57
They got to go say hi to the host.
58
They want to go to the bathroom.
59
They got to get a drink.
60
They want to take their shoes off.
61
They want to go get food.
62
And so every conversation in that zone is going to be like this.
63
what brings you here?
64
Yeah.
65
Yeah.
66
The host.
67
Yeah.
68
She's great.
69
Well, yeah.
70
We should go say hi.
71
Yeah.
72
Great.
73
Talk to you later.
74
You've just diagnosed many of my initial conversations.
75
Yeah.
76
Yeah.
77
And so it sets up needless friction, right?
78
Like needless difficulty.
79
So do not get out of that start zone as quickly as you possibly can.
80
So no one engages you and you don't engage anyone else, right?
81
Like you're going to get out of that start zone, anywhere in the start zone.
82
And that's where people drop coats or drop shoes or check in.
83
Not there.
84
You don't want to stand near the food.
85
I know.
86
I know.
87
It's so great to be near a buffet.
88
I know.
89
Near the food and near the bathroom, you're getting people whose brain is half on the food and the bathroom.
90
So the best place to stand is right as people exit the bar or exit wherever they're getting their drink, not on the way, because again, then they're thinking about the drink.
91
This thing happens, and you can literally see it on people's faces.
92
I highly recommend if you're an observer like me, go to these events.
93
When someone has their drink, their fresh drink in hand, water, coffee, tea, wine, whatever, and they turn and face the room, their face is like, I'm ready.
94
I'm ready.
95
I'm ready.
96
And you're a social savior.
97
If you're standing right there and you go, oh, that wine looks great.
98
What is it?
99
A Cabernet tonight?
100
Or, oh my gosh.
101
So nice to see you.
102
I'm Vanessa.
103
What brings you here?
104
It's like you are a social savior.
105
So stand right there.
106
And the second tip I love to get for networking is don't overthink your opener, but don't go sterile.
107
I much prefer slightly elevated.
108
One, asking about a drink or food.
109
That's easy.
110
Do you like it?
111
How is that doing?
112
But two, working on anything exciting these days?
113
Have any big wins this week?
114
What's the highlight of your week?
115
Oh, isn't this venue so great?
116
Those are more sparking questions.
117
And when we do away with the sterile questions, it really helps engage, people engage.
118
Where you stand and being a social savior, helping others make it easy for them to have a communication
119
and then asking open questions that spark conversation that aren't trite and banal can be really helpful.
120
I'm going to the next social event I'm at.
121
I'm going to really pay attention to where people stand.
122
I'm a greeter.
123
I'm in the start zone.
124
That's where I will typically stand because I learned a long time ago,
125
the food in the bathroom get me in trouble because people are definitely heading in a direction and not wanting to talk.
126
You highlighted a little bit about this, but many of us struggle with small talk, in large part because we don't know how to start these conversations.
127
What are some of those sparking lines or observations we can make to really help us?
128
Okay, so I've just started thinking about this concept, and I'm going to share it with you for the first time,
129
which is we are now competing in conversation with someone's feed, right?
130
Like at any moment we're in conversation, someone is going to whip out their phone and start scrolling on their preferred social network.
131
So really your conversation is competing with that.
132
What if we begin to think about conversation as a better feed?
133
So what does a feed give?
134
A feed gives us dopamine, which does a lot of things in our body, but give us a little bit of excitement, a little bit of motivation.
135
So that's anything exciting, any highlights, anything exciting happening.
136
Oh, you're never going to believe what just happened to me.
137
Right?
138
So you're sharing or asking.
139
It's not just asking always.
140
Sometimes it's actually sharing.
141
Second, surprise and delight, right?
142
So surprise is a big one.
143
I have been, a feed doesn't have a first impression, right?
144
You open up your feed and it starts.
145
I think a mistake that we have in our brain is
146
that we have to have this slow opener before we get into it.
147
I think we do away with that.
148
You can literally meet someone and be like, you know, they say, how are you?
149
Right.
150
They're in, they're in such a autopilot.
151
Oh my gosh.
152
You know, it's been such a great week.
153
The most surprising thing happened to me today.
154
You're not going to believe.
155
Just going right into it and using what I call conversational confetti, like phrases that are a little bit speedy,
156
a little bit like the feed, right?
157
Like the most surprising thing happened to me.
158
The weirdest thing happened to me yesterday.
159
I saw the craziest thing.
160
You're never going to believe.
161
And starting to collect these stories in these moments also makes you more interesting
162
because you're looking for things that you could share in that event or that party or that start of the meeting.
163
A lot of these, I think, happen the first five minutes of a meeting.
164
Most of our students are leading meetings, they're working rooms, and those first five minutes are the hardest.
165
Just dive right into something you've been saving for them
166
and then spend all week curating and saving those little highlight things that you would put in your conversational feed.
167
That's how we have to think about it.
168
I have a colleague who's internationally known for her work on conflict
169
and negotiation or name's Michelle Gelfand and she likes to talk about mind your metaphors.
170
The way you approach something, the metaphors and analogies we use shape how we interact.
171
And I love this idea of small talk is like being part of somebody's feed.
172
And when you see it that way, it changes the way you approach.
173
Anybody who knows me knows I love alliteration, conversational confetti, love it.
174
You can stockpile some of these ideas, think about it, go in, and it jumps right in.
175
It initiates and catalyzes that communication.
176
So I do like that idea a lot and I will be stockpiling some things to help me in my small talk.
177
And when we see small talk as a spark, as something that can really excite people, it totally changes that metaphor from, oh, this is something I dread,
178
this is hard, this is a battle I have to fight.
179
I'm hoping you can help me, Vanessa.
180
I am often asked about charisma and it's one of these things where you know it when you see it, but I see it it can be really hard.
181
From your perspective, what is charisma and how does one manifest and display it?
182
Charisma is one of those very interesting traits that we can immediately think of the most charismatic person we know, but when we have to try to define it, it's really challenging.
183
When we think about charisma, I like to reference Dr. Susan Fisk's research,
184
which looks at warmth and competence.
185
Now, she wasn't coming at it from a charisma perspective.
186
The name of her research is a stereotype content model.
187
She was thinking, how do humans make impressions of others?
188
But what she found is that most of our impressions are first, warmth.
189
Can I trust you?
190
Can I be open to you?
191
Do I like you?
192
And then second, almost immediately, is competence.
193
Can I rely on you?
194
Are you capable?
195
Are you effective?
196
Highly charismatic people, and I've spent the last 20 years studying those people, what they are doing is very quickly signaling warmth and competence.
197
In fact, the faster you can signal warmth and competence, the more charismatic you are.
198
When you think about this, it also takes the pressure off of you.
199
You don't have to be funny or impressive or extroverted.
200
Actually, those things have very little to do with charisma.
201
What's more important is very very clearly signaling you can trust me and very clearly signaling you can rely on me.
202
Warmth and competence are the very first topics that we cover in my strategic communication class at Stanford's Business School.
203
It's so important.
204
And the research suggests both are critical, and leading with warmth can often be the most helpful.
205
Can you share with us some cues and clues that we can communicate that demonstrate warmth and competence?
206
Now, this is a little more art than science, right?
207
So when I read this research, I was immediately hooked and fascinated.
208
I was like, yes, warmth and competence. But how?
209
I love it.
210
But what does warmth look like?
211
What does warmth sound like?
212
What does competence look like to sound like?
213
Although competence is a little bit easier because we know if we know our stuff that can come across competence, but you're right.
214
Warmth is, I think, the trickier one.
215
So I went into the research of, okay, what signals openness, likability, friendliness?
216
What makes someone feel trust.
217
So here are my opinions of very highly warm cues based on highly charismatic people and the research.
218
First, visible palm, eye contact,
219
and positive, affirmative, nonverbal, and verbal.
220
So for example, if I were to come on this podcast and say, yeah, I'm so happy to be here.
221
having positive tone, having positive words and aligning those two, having that visible palm, having eye contact, a smile, if it feels authentic,
222
I'm very careful to not prescribe smiling because if it's inauthentic, it actually does the opposite.
223
It really takes away from your work.
224
So if you are actually happy to see someone, harness the happiness.
225
What do we do when we like someone?
226
We go closer towards them.
227
We have closer proxemics.
228
We go in towards them.
229
We open up our palms.
230
Oh my gosh, it's so good to see you.
231
We either reach out for a handshake or a hug or a cheek kiss.
232
We immediately raise our eyebrows up to take in more of them.
233
We smile if we're happy.
234
We might even lean in or nod more.
235
All of those things that we do when we are happy are the things
236
that we need to harness to bring forth that warmth.
237
And a good internal check is if you're working with someone where you don't feel that warmth, it is very hard to fake it.
238
it does not work.
239
So you have to find something that you feel genuinely warm about.
240
Maybe it's a shared goal.
241
Maybe it's a shared personal thing that you share outside of work.
242
Find the way to build a rapport and then bring forth that instinctive warmth that we already do naturally.
243
In the academic world, we call this immediacy.
244
And I like that term because immediacy implies I'm immediately present.
245
I'm there for you.
246
And it can also imply urgency.
247
And having that can help a little bit.
248
But the notion that we have to think about and explore things
249
that we do have some warmth and connection with the person can really help us focus in those moments.
250
And we can all be thinking about our warmth and competence that we demonstrate.
251
Thank you for joining us for another episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.
252
It was great learning from Vanessa.
253
The one idea that really stood out to me is that reducing friction and communication isn't just about choosing the right words.
254
It's also about intentionally using your nonverbal communication.
255
To learn more from Vanessa, listen to episode 301.
256
You can also check out our back catalog, which is full of helpful communication tips and tools to help you be a better communicator.
257
This episode was produced by Katherine Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.
258
Our music is from Floyd Wonder, with special thanks to Podium Podcast Company.
259
Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
260
Be sure to check out FasterSmarter.io for deep dive videos, English language learning content, and our newsletter.
📺 Same Channel
B21
Talk Back: Why Arguing With Yourself Can Help You Flourish
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Communication Has An INVISIBLE Layer And It Is Hiding In Plain Sight!
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
The Leadership Skills We’ll Need Most When Everything Is Changing: Me2We 2026
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
Trust the Process: How to Design Teams That Actually Work
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B1What 300 Episodes Has Taught Us
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2Quick Thinks: A CLEAR Way Through Conflict
B22
Why Every Question Is A Gift
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23
Shark Tank's Daniel Lubetzky: The Pitch Mistake That Loses Investors
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C11
A Matter of Meaning: What Other People Teach You About Your Communication
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Don't Lose the Room: How to Make Ideas Stick
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
The First 5 Seconds: How to Start a Speech the Moment All Eyes Suddenly Turn to You | AMA
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
Ask Matt Anything: Don’t Let Your Communication Fizzle at the Finish
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C14
The Respect Effect: What Stereotype Threat Teaches Us About Communication
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B27
3 Techniques for Managing Speaking Anxiety
Business EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
B23
Message Market Fit: Turning Great Ideas Into Communication That Lands
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Quick Thinks: How to Have Better Conversations About Aging
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C115
Future You: Unconventional Ways in which Your Future Self Benefits You
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Communicating the Future: Defining Where We Want AI To Take Us
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C11
Ask Matt Anything: Authenticity, Anxiety, and Answering Well
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
Happiness And Time Management: Time Track Your Day For A Happier Life
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
✨ Recommend Video
B21
23 sentences
Mark Bowden Tests Raj’s Body Language | Mark Bowden - Raj Shamani #shorts #bodylanguage
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
23 sentences
LET'S DO A YAP CHALLENGE!
Business EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
B21
93 sentences
Think Again Summary (Animated) — How to Become Smarter and More Likable With a Few Simple Tips
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B29
48 sentences
4 Fundamentals to Smart Speaking | Matt Abrahams (Key Points Talk)
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
829 sentences
What Susan Clancy's Body Language Tells Us
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
67 sentences
The Art of SMALL TALK: 3 Secrets to INSTANT Connection !
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23
130 sentences
3 Brain Tricks That Make You Happier in 15 Seconds
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
869 sentences
Body language expert: 7 cues that make you instantly more likable | Full Interview
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
176 sentences
Want to THINK in English? Here's how to train your brain.
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
192 sentences
How To Articulate Your Thoughts More Clearly Than 99% of People
Business EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 260 sentences and 2842 words to shadow. The speech runs for 15:03. The speaker talks fast, about 189 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 83% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 less common words from the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
- warmth /wɔɹmθ/ (noun) — A moderate degree of heat; the sensation of being warm.
- palm /pɑm/ (noun) — The inner and somewhat concave part of the human hand or other primate hand that extends from the wrist to the bases of the fingers.
- competence /ˈkɑm.pə.təns/ (noun) — The quality or state of being competent, i.e. able or suitable for a general role.
- engage /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/ (verb) — To engross or hold the attention of; to keep busy or occupied.
- impression /ɪmˈpɹɛʃn̩/ (noun) — The indentation or depression made by the pressure of one object on or into another.
- podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ (noun) — A program, especially an audio program, produced on a regular basis, delivered over the Internet in a compressed digital format and designed for playback on…
- helpful /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/ (adjective) — Furnishing help; giving aid; useful.
- highlight /ˈhaɪˌlaɪt/ (verb) — To make prominent; emphasize.
- spark /ˈspɑɹk/ (noun) — A small particle of glowing matter, either molten or on fire, resulting from an electrical surge or excessive heat created by friction.
- visible /ˈvɪzɪb(ə)l/ (adjective) — Able to be seen.
- intention /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/ (noun) — A course of action that a person intends to follow.
- gesture /ˈd͡ʒɛs.t͡ʃɚ/ (noun) — A motion of the limbs or body, especially one made to emphasize speech.
- gosh /ɡɑːʃ/ — A mild expression of surprise or enthusiasm.
- cue /kju/ (noun) — An action or event that is a signal for somebody to do something.
- metaphor /ˈmɛt.ə.fɚ/ (noun) — The use of a word, phrase, concept, or set of concepts to refer to something other than its literal meaning, invoking an implicit similarity between the thing…
Phrasal verbs you will hear
- think about /ˈθɪŋk əˌbaʊt/ (verb) — To ponder.
- check out (verb) — To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.).
- do away with (verb) — To abolish; to put an end to; to eliminate.
- get out of (verb) — To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of.
- go in (verb) — To become obscured by clouds.
- look at (verb) — To observe or watch.
- open up (verb) — To open.
- rely on (verb) — To be confident in.
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 64 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, you're, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: warmth /wɔɹmθ/, authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/, strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/, inauthentic /ˌɪnɔˈθɛn.tɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: impression /ɪmˈpɹɛʃn̩/, intention /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, shoe /ˈʃu/, friction /ˈfɹɪkʃən/
- Long words — get the stress right: naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, experiment /ɪkˈspɛɹ.ə.mənt/, difficulty /ˈdɪfɪkəlti/, biology /baɪˈɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like warmth, palm, competence.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've mastered · we've walked · You've just diagnosed |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | make, which is · Anybody who knows · catalog, which is |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | was packed · was produced |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.