Shadowing Practice: The Courage to be Disliked Summary + my honest review - Learn English Speaking with Video

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more than the past

and the present like right now really fucking matters you yourself have to know

that you're enough do i have to cost like contribute in order to keep the pieces i have what's

so bad about being normal when you feel like you're not equal to someone

and you feel less than someone the easiest way to compensate that is to feel superior right

hi guys welcome back to my channel today we're gonna be

doing a book review okay i just finished this book this book was extremely popular

when i went online also when i went to the bookstore i saw

that there was more than 14 million copies sold worldwide i was like okay let's check this out

and for those who don't know like usually with these like

sort of like mindset type of books philosophical sort of books i don't usually purchase them

because a lot of times like i feel like i know

a lot of things the context of this is mainly like a like japanese sort of culture

so it kind of opened my eyes in a sort of way

and i felt like this book gave me a lot of good insights

but at the same time there are some criticism i would

make about this book i just want to make a disclaimer

this is coming from my own experience like you know this

is just my opinion you don't have to agree with it

i think it's more like a mindset tool sort of book to be used alongside like psychological psychological manuals like

if you have like certain traumas and navigating

that i would not recommend just reading this like i would

recommend getting like some some professional to help you guide through this

so do not just rely on this if you're going through something like traumatic

because i don't think it does an extremely good job with

that but for mindset wise i think

that this is a pretty okay book sorry

if i'm gonna be looking at my laptop

because i literally make an entire google doc how many pages

is this even five pages okay like i wrote it down

i marked it up you can even see in here i like marked everything up

if you look here it's like a dialogue between like a philosopher

and also like a youth and it goes through a span of five nights

so you know every single night there's kind of like a like a lesson like a theme

so the book is called the courage to be disliked by ichiro kishimi

and fumitake koka first night where the youth went into the

philosopher's room they were having this conversation the conversation is denying

trauma it's only holding you back that's what it said

and i wrote down according to the book our need to hold on to trauma is mainly

because it either makes us feel like we belong

or makes us feel significant and it says

that this might not be like a bad thing

but they were saying that if you hold on to your trauma for too long

or you hold on to your past you can't move forward

and they also mentioned how like in the book the future doesn't matter the past doesn't matter

because the future is not here yet in the past you cannot let it hold you back

and what only matters right now is now and here are some quotes

that i thought were kind of interesting they said also on page 10 they said

that the youth was like so you're saying the past doesn't matter philosopher said yes

that is the standpoint of all day all there all all adlerian adlery i don't know how to pronounce

that word adlerian psychology mainly mentioned that we do not think about past causes

but rather about present goals the youth mentioned

that i have a friend who doesn't leave the house like

how can you not leave the house like i'm trying everything trying to get him to leave the house

and the philosopher was saying that it's because your friend is insecure

so he doesn't want to go out

so he's creating a state of anxiety philosopher saying

that think about this way your friend had the goal of not going out beforehand

and he's been manufacturing a state of anxiety

and fear as a means to achieve

that goal in this chapter they were mainly saying that everything

that you do there's a goal so for example they also mentioned

that like if there's a friend that you don't really like

so you're starting to pick at their flaws being like this

is wrong with her this is wrong with her like you're picking at her flaws

but your ultimate goal is because you don't want to be associated with

that person anymore because maybe they make you feel insecure they make you feel inferior

and then there was another quote on page 37 saying that

if only i can be like what if only i can be like sam

if only i can be like jennifer is an excuse to yourself for not changing

and so i wrote down saying

that you may not be aware of you doing this

but you set these limitations on yourself without even realizing to

fill a subconscious goal the constant blaming on comparison leading to never wanting to change just

so you don't ever have to face change and that's interesting also

because like sometimes like i'm sure we all do this where

we compare right we compare like oh i can never be

like xyz i think sometimes we realize it's doing a lot of harm

when you say that because the truth is

that you can never become the exact replica of that person

so you saying i can never achieve

that you can never be like xyz yeah because you can't be xyz

because you are you you can't be that person

so you sitting saying this it's kind of just make yourself feel better like oh

because no you can't become like them but the thing is

that what they're doing you could do it too you just have to change your mindset

so the main key takeaway from this the first lesson one

which is the first night is that your life is decided right now it's not

because of the past it's not because of the present

and it also mentioned

that you have the power to choose your own destiny it's

not about what you did in the past what you're going

to do in the future what's important it's just what you

do right now however going through this book the first lesson

i also was collecting like reviews on what people said online

and also how i felt about the book as well i do think

that this book feels very straightforward especially for the first chapter it's kind of like just reframe this entire trauma

and move on and i feel like it's not that simple

because you know i'm sure we all go through certain stuff just speaking for myself like yes i know

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that what happened in the past doesn't matter like you know you go through certain shit

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and it's like i moved on you know

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but it took a lot of emotional work to move on from

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that i wouldn't say that like you know i just denied it just whatever

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that happened because when you do that you repress a lot of it

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and it's gonna backfire sooner or later you have to regulate

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that you have to you know like go through that

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and the thing is that going through trauma it's not like a purely conscious sort of thing

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because like some people get like you know triggered they can't control themselves being triggered

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so i feel like this book does feel more like you

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can control a lot of things like yes you can

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but there are certain things

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that you can't really the context of this feels very like like black

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and white you know what i mean but it's not always black

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and white in the book they also mention life is very simple

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which i get it's a good mentality sort of thing but i think

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psychologically like a lot of trauma these sort of things it's not always black

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and white you know what i mean

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which is why i say yeah this book is a good

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mindset tool book than like a like a psychological manual sort of thing yeah

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so i said that dismissive of real trauma can feel validated

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or harmful i think that is a criticism i would make for

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that because i don't think that things are just always that

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that simple it's also like the cultural context of this book i feel is very underexplored you have to know

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that this is written like in like a japanese context where

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like i wrote down social harmony duty group belonging like you know like everyone together

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so it's very different from like western culture where it's like

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very individualism like you know capitalism hustle culture like it's very

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different this book definitely emphasizes a lot of like group belonging as well

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so that's just something to keep in mind but i do think

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that this book at least for me it did shine a

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light in like imagine you're just in the dark right this

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book kind of does feel like you're shining a light like you might not agree with everything

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that it shines of light

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but you're very intrigued by the colors right you're like oh

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wow this is kind of interesting i don't feel you agree with

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that but that's interesting okay so let's move on to the second night

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which is lesson two they said

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that all problems are interpersonal problems let me just quickly search up the definition of interpersonal

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so it's relating to relation or communication between people

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so kind of like society it's like all your problems are just between people right

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so it basically says that alder all i can't pronounce

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that word ad larian philosophy believes that we are not fulfilled in our life

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because we don't fulfill our life's task okay and they said

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that life's tasks are basically the things

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that we do to fulfill our objective to belong

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and feel important right in society since these objectives only exist within society itself it follows

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that all our life tasks are within people since we're in a society right

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and thus all our problems are interpersonal so some quotes

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that i mentioned was that on page 48 they mentioned

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but even when all those wishes are fulfilled in many cases nothing about their situations changes at all

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so they're saying

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that basically like you might be like oh i just need to get to a good college

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and once you get to college you still have problems like you think

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that your problems will end but it wouldn't like i just need to get

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that one job

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and at the end there's still gonna be problems i think this quote was mainly mentioning

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that like that's not your main issue in life it's

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because of you know your relationship with others it's mainly saying

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that like you know a lot of your problems like stems from your relationship with others

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and also they said that on page 66 it says

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that how to compensate for the part

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that is lacking the healthiest way is to try

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and compensate through striving and growth and they also say

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that the feeling of inferiority isn't necessarily a bad thing

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if you use it to improve i mentioned

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that i don't fully agree with that point like constantly trying to strive

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and grow because

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that can easily lead to burnout right i think i mentioned

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another journal entry of mine where it's like it's good to constantly improve right i do think

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that it's considered toxic positivity as well

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if you're constantly trying to improve you're never fulfilled there's always something

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that you're lacking

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if you're constantly trying to improve right i feel like it's

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important to shift your mentality to i am enough right now there's something

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that i do want to improve that i can work on

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but i am enough right now it just didn't really agree with how they wrote

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that because read it again to compensate for the part

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that is lacking the healthiest way is try to compensate i feel

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that sentence to me just sounds like there's always something wrong with you

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and that you always need to fix something right they were mentioning

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that to have a good relationship with other people is

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that you have to view other people as comrades okay

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because sometimes we go about like viewing everyone as our enemy right

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so it says that on page 77 they said

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that before you know what you start to see each

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and every person everyone in the whole world as your enemy

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and so i said that if there's constant competition

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and people's relationship they will not be able to escape relationship problems

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so hence you have inferiority complexes superiority complexes and usually you know

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when you feel inferior when you feel like you're not equal to someone

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and you feel less than someone the easiest way to compensate

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that is to feel superior right that's how you can even

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exist that's how you feel like you have space right it's

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like a coping mechanism you know it's a very unhealthy coping mechanism

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but that's what people do when they don't have confidence in themselves right

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and another quote in there was that you start to think

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that everyone are always looking down on you even

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if you're not the loser but even

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if you're winning like you're not the loser

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but you're winning you'll never have a moment of peace since you don't want to lose

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so you're constantly have to win living in competition

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which is why you can't be doing things with like trying to always win

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or trying to do things for recognition right you perceive other people's happiness as my defeat

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and that is why you can't celebrate it

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which is why you have to let go of competition to truly be happy for others

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because if you view everyone as your enemy it makes life very very difficult to live you know

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and it's hard

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because sometimes you live in a society where maybe other people view you as competition let's say

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that you feel like oh i am fulfilled in myself you have to build this sort of security with yourself

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and you can't think about what other people are thinking like oh she must think she's

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so much more superior than me she must think

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that she's like the shit you know because like that way it's

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that mentality itself you're already in like a sort of competition sort of mindset

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so this was something that was interesting

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that i thought was really good to mention

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because it's true like you shouldn't view everyone as your enemy

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because that can get quickly exhausting and then they mentioned

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that anger is a form of communication personally for me i don't have anger issues

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so i do think

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that maybe people who have anger issues might have a different take on this

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but i thought it was kind of interesting when they said

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that because on page 88 says that it's not

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that you mustn't get angry

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but there's no need to rely on the tool of anger they also said

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that they quote the moment one is convinced

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that i am right in an interpersonal relationship one has already stepped into a power struggle

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you believe the other is wrong so you feel like you have to win

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and when you're hung up on winning

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and losing you lose the ability to make the right choices yes it kind of clouds your judgment

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and on page 101 it says that

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so i'm making up flaws in other people just

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so i can avoid my life task and furthermore

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so i can avoid interpersonal relationships and i wrote down

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which i mentioned before is that you have a goal disliking someone

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and then start looking for their flaws to dislike someone

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because to dislike someone

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that is your goal that's where you're looking for the flaws

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um running away by thinking others are like my enemy and

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so the key takeaway from lesson two is they said

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that all your problems are personal problems like it's just relationship with others

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and it is impossible to escape from these problems these like relationship society sort of problems

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so here comes my criticism i do think

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that is interesting i do think that you can't really escape interpersonal problems

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that i agree with

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because it's like you know society you're always gonna be interacting with people i do think

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that this ignores a lot of things ignores structural economic health

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issues like neurological like those sort of problems like these are the realities

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and i feel like this is like i don't know

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if the words i would use to is like nuanced

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but ignores those problems you know i mean it's not just about people there's a lot of things

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that happens and i think that they say that um burnout

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and anxiety you know this is all due to relationship problems like yes i agree

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but it's also due to financially you know like people can't

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get a certain job people can't pay their rent like all of

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that interpersonal is not the only access

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that exists in this world like there's a lot of other things

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that exist that makes people like unhappy but i do think

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that i do agree with a lot of things that they say

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which is which makes me think picking out flaws at certain people

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because you have to achieve a certain goal

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and that's very true at least for my case

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because sometimes like with people that fully have faith in even

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if they have flaws i don't really mind

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but sometimes you just have people that you don't really like

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and then you like pick out the flaws

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because your goal is to dislike them

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and i'm like that's very interesting never thought about that i think

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that that is just some of the criticism that i have for

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that just going through it really fast

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so lesson three okay the third night is

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that you should discard other people's tasks

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or like you know what other people are doing in their

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life i'm sure for all of us like we all want

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this desire to be recognized right we want validation from others

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we want to be praised we don't want people to dislike us they mainly said

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that living like a life that you're just constantly focused on having to be recognized

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and be liked is very unfulfilling and

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that is not the definition of true freedom because like once

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that recognition like is gone

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so does your drive right the book quotes the desire for recognition makes you unfree

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which is what the philosopher said they're saying that

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if you truly want true freedom in life you have to

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be free from your desire of wanting recognition from others

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so on page 118 they mainly mentioned

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that you know you shouldn't live to satisfy other people's expectations like why would you do

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that you know i mean let's say like the room has like 10 people

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and you want to make everyone happy you want everyone to like you

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and you're just living according to what they want you to do that's really restrictive

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and you conform way too much in society

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that you kind of just lose who you are as a

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person you can't get mad at people for not living to your life's expectations i think

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that we just shouldn't take things too personally people all have

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their own shit going on you shouldn't try to conform to someone else's palette

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and they don't need to conform to your palette as well

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if you're trying to constantly cater to other people's palette

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that is sort of just kind of like you're entrusting like

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your own life to other people like think about how sad

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that is like your own fucking life you're putting it into the hands of others that's just crazy

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so on page 44 they mentioned

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that what exactly is real freedom then being disliked by someone means

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that you are acting according to your own freedom this lesson was mainly saying

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that you are responsible for living the life for yourself it is good to be assisting someone

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and encouraging someone to fulfill their own life tasks you have to realize

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that someone else's task is their own you shouldn't do it for them you shouldn't interfere

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but you could help i feel like this could risk encouraging

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people being like i don't care i don't care i think

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that there's a difference between like not being ruled by approval

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and like setting healthy boundaries compared to like just not caring at all

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because i feel like that could make you seem very distant

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and cold in society as well

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so i think overall like i do agree like you shouldn't

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live to what people want you to do that's very important

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and just realizing like your life is your life like whatever

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you want to do like even for me now i still

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have to constantly remind myself like my life is my life

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like i can't be doing shit to make other people happy a really good point they mentioned was

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that how you should view life like like all relationships are horizontal meaning

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that we're all equal sometimes we view relationship kind of like vertical where it's like oh he's better than me

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and she's below me i think that doing

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that can make you feel kind of inferior sometimes like it's just like oh i'm not as good as them

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and yes i get it like in certain social contexts like

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in work settings like i get it you have higher -ups

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you have jobs you know you have higher -ups you have positions

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that i get at the same time don't put yourself worth like i'm not as worthy as

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that person that was very interesting because i never thought of it like

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that like we should view everyone as horizontal sometimes like i tend to do

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that i'll be oh that person is so much better than me

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and this book highly encourages everyone to view relationships as horizontal

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that was something

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that was very new to me anyway going to the fourth

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night where the center of the world is they were mainly talking about how we contribute to society

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and also how the ultimate goal of all interpersonal relationship is this community feeling

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because it said that like separating like your task and drawing boundaries

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and one's relationship leads to loneliness and individualism you can see

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that this book's context is like in like japanese culture where

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everyone's like very harmony like everyone's together like at least for me i'm like i don't mind having healthy boundaries

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and being by myself on page 169 they said

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that you are not the center of the world other people are not living to your expectations

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because if you if you become like annoyed

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that people are not living to your expectations it's kind of

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very delusional i'm not talking about like basic respect okay i'm just talking about like you get on train

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and you're like oh why isn't this person letting me sit there how dare they not get up

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and let me sit there you know what i mean stuff like

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that you're not living to satisfy other people's expectations

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and at the same time they don't need to satisfy yours

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on page 180 they were talking about do not rebuke

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or praise they were saying

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that complimenting like being like good job especially like a parent to like a kid

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or like any sort of relationships they said

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that complimenting is creating a hierarchical hierarchy oh i can't say

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that word hierarchy hierarchical whatever relationship meaning

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that creating like a vertical relationship like i mentioned they said

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that one praises to manipulate instead you should encourage your gratitude offer respect assist

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but don't interfere because you allow other people to resolve their own challenges

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when i say like good job to my friends i'm not

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gonna lie it isn't kind of like a like a kiddish

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like a childish tone i mean i don't mean to manipulate

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but i can see why that might come across like

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that on page 181 they said that

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if you wish to be praised by someone then you're viewing all relationships as vertical like meaning

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that you're just constantly seeking recognition from others you're seeking this validation you're seeing external validation from others

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because you yourself never feel like you're enough on page 185 this is the encouragement approach they said

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that the more one is praised by another person the more one forms the belief

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that one has no ability

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if you're constantly living off of other people like praising you

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like what's the point like you yourself have to know

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that you're enough

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if you're just constantly doing things just for the approval of others it's a very tough life to live like

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that and so then we would go into like how to feel you have value

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so on page 189 it says

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that i am of use to someone the author is mainly saying that

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if you feel you have value you have to feel like

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you can contribute to society one can act in the community finding purposes

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and serving others not seeking external validation i think

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that they're mainly saying that you shouldn't seek like recognition

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but you should contribute

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when you contribute you find your own purpose you have value that's what the book is saying

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and then um page 197 it says that

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if you feel like you don't know how to build horizontal relationships with others

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because you constantly view relationships as vertical you should try to

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build a horizontal relationship with at least just one person just try

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and do that with a singular person on page 210 they were talking about difference between self -affirmation

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and self -acceptance self -affirmation is like you scoring like a 60 on a test

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and if it's self -affirmation it just happened to get unlucky this time around

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and the real me is just 100 and then self -acceptance is

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that how should i go about getting closer to 100

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and they said that it's very important for you to accept the you now

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and then you slowly improve so he said

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that like self -affirming is making suggestions to oneself such as i can do it

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or i am strong even when something is simply beyond one's ability is a notion

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that can bring about a superiority complex may even be termed a way of living in

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which one lies to itself with self -acceptance on the other hand

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if if one cannot do something one is simply accepting one's incapable self as is in moving forward

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so that one can do whatever one can it is not a way of lying to oneself

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and they also said that like no one is perfect do you recall

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when i was explained the pursuit of superiority

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that all people are in this condition of wanting to improve

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put the other way around there's no such thing as a hundred percent person i do think

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that both can kind of coexist at the same time now

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this is just my take i think you can affirm yourself being like like i got this

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and the more you believe in yourself the more you can

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become what you want to be that's just my take i think you can also accept yourself

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but you can also affirm yourself at the same time

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so then my criticism to this chapter is i agree with

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a lot of points okay not like i agree with a lot of points

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but i do consider this entire book very very interesting i do think

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that this does feel just a little bit like people pleasing

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in a way like repackage people pleasing what really stuck out to me

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that i couldn't fully understand was how like they kept saying

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like to feel you have value to feel you have worth is

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that you have to contribute to society all the time i

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get it like you want to be nice to people

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that makes you feel good that gives you meaning

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but meaning itself doesn't equate to happiness happiness depends on contribution

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but what happens

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when you can't contribute do you automatically just feel unhappy like what about elderlies you know what

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if they are too old to do anything what happens then

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they also mentioned something about like acting versus being i can't remember what that was

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but they also mentioned like the distinction between the two being

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as in like just yourself has a lot of worth compared to like acting

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when i was reading

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that i was like what about self -directed happiness what about

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happiness as i am okay right now i'm allowed to be

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happy right now even though i'm not doing anything what they mentioned is

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that this is the the order they were like contribute feel worthy feel happy

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and i don't think

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that is a way for sustainable living i think sustainable well -being it's more

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so happy worthy contribute right i think

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that order of things is kind of weird to me i said

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that happiness doesn't come from contributing to other contribution can express happiness

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when you already have it especially for jobs right it's like

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if you have to constantly contribute contribute and contribute

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and contribute reading this kind of makes you feel like do

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i have to constantly contribute in order to keep the peace

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that i have like the more i read it i just

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couldn't agree with it i don't need to feel like i

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have value just to contribute the key takeaway from this chapter was meant saying

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that like you're not the center of the world

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and you shouldn't try to go gain recognition from others you're

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just gonna feel very lacking in society instead of like just

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like constantly focusing on yourself you should focus on other people

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as well as a whole that's what the this chapter has been saying

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and maybe i'm just like very like individualistic i'm just very

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thinking from like a western sort of standpoint i think it's

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just interesting like to think about like this book is written in a japanese culture setting

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so it's like you know definitely like culture wise

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or like the certain viewpoint wise it just doesn't align maybe that's why

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so lesson five which is the last one is basically saying

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that you need to live in the present okay the present is all you have it's very important

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which i agree i think it's also just reiterating the fact that You know, you need to contribute to society.

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It's mainly saying that you cannot achieve much if you are unhappy with yourself, okay?

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And they're saying that you can be happy when you are basically contributing to society.

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On page 214, they said that like you cannot have doubt in your interpersonal relationships.

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They were saying that when you have doubt in relationships, other people can sense it.

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Other people are going to be like, oh, she doesn't have confidence in me.

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That you cannot build deep, meaningful relationships.

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And they were saying that you need to have like this sort of like unconditional confidence in people.

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I agree with some point, which is that you shouldn't have like constant doubt in people

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because like if you're constantly down in people it's very hard to build any sort of relationship

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but i think it's a healthy sort of thing to just

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have like a bit like not having a total confidence like total trusting going in there

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because that can easily get yourself hurt i just don't think things are as black

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and white having confidence in people is important you could have confidence in people

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but also just be protective of yourself where you don't like

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give them your credit card number anyways page 220 they said

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that those who view others as enemies have not attained self -acceptance

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and not confidence in others that i agree you shouldn't view everyone as your enemy me

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because if you do

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that it's very exhausting we should be viewing other people as

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our not like everyone as our friends i don't think that's necessary at least for me

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but better to just view everyone as neutral

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and then on page 243 they said

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that the courage to be normal people might reject normalcy

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because you equate it as being incapable

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and the author saying how like you know you need to view everyone like horizontal relationship everyone's equal i agree

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because what's so bad about being normal in this day

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and age especially in you're like like everyone wants to be

478

better than each other you know nobody wants to be normal

479

there's nothing wrong with being normal on page 243 they were mainly saying

480

that life is a series of moments like as in like

481

life is a series of dots life is not like a

482

line linear line where you go from 8 .8 to point

483

b back then i used to do view life as like

484

a fucking line like once i get to college i'm good

485

but the fact is that life is not like that

486

when you view life as linear it's very not as exciting

487

so on page 253 they said that shine a light on here

488

and now and they said that

489

because you shine such a dim light in the present you can see the past in the present

490

but if you focus

491

so much on the present shining a bright ass fucking light at the present moment you cannot see the past

492

or the present

493

that i thought was a good point i go about life

494

like yes i'll plan a bit for the future it's not

495

like i don't care about the future i'm not gonna lie the past does hold me back sometimes

496

but going through

497

that like you know it requires a lot of like self internal work on page 256 it says

498

that life is always simple nothing to get too serious about

499

and how you just need to work earnestly you need to

500

give meaning to your seemingly meaningless life they're saying this life has no meaning

501

but you have to give meaning to it page 261 the

502

quote was let's dance in earnest in moments of the here

503

and now you just need to constantly be dancing in life like just dancing

504

and just moving and just living in the moment page 263 they were saying

505

that the philosopher was giving advice to the youth leave my final advice to you is

506

that start now no regard to whether people are cooperative

507

or not and that is something

508

that i'm trying to embody myself i'm not gonna lie i

509

started recently to care about what people think i'm like oh

510

people are gonna judge me people are gonna do xyz

511

but the truth is

512

that nobody gives a this is your life you're a tiny speck in this grand universe

513

and we are our worst critics like you know yeah maybe people are judging

514

but so what this is your life you get to do whatever you want

515

but the truth is that if you shift your mentality

516

and be like i don't really care this is just my life

517

and you just constantly do it people might judge you

518

but the more you do it people are just gonna be

519

like oh this is just this person okay whatever you know maybe

520

when you do something a bit different everyone's gonna be oh my god she's doing something a little different

521

but as time goes on it's just nobody cares

522

so the key takeaway i'll say for this last one is

523

that you have to give meaning to your meaningless life to

524

serve society they did also mention in the book saying

525

that like contribution to others shouldn't be self -sacrifice

526

which i agree you shouldn't try to like become

527

or conform into society to contribute right but i don't think

528

that happiness just comes from contributing to society i think you

529

can have happiness just by yourself anyways this is one of the very first books like mindset sort of books

530

that actually kind of gave me a new perspective on things

531

i think one of the major key takeaways for me is

532

that right now matters more than the past

533

and the present like right now really fucking matters

534

and also like kind of view everyone as equals horizontal relationships

535

instead of viewing everything as vertical you can't be putting yourself below people

536

and thinking that you're inferior compared to others

537

because that's a very hard life to live

538

and it just makes you live like very small

539

and yeah you shouldn't do things constantly being like oh what would they think just be yourself

540

when you're constantly thinking about whether people will like it

541

or not it really holds you back it makes life very difficult to live

542

and just you know just not care

543

but there's certain things you want to do don't conform to

544

like oh well they might not like it it's something i

545

agree as well as just life is meaningless for me life means more

546

so you can have your own sort of definition i just

547

feel like life is just experience you're here to just feel

548

like time is slowly passing also people don't own you you

549

can't expect a good act certain way like i think that's very entitled again like i said this

550

so many times this book is more

551

so like a mindset the short thing like of course life is not always something

552

but it makes it easier to live in

553

when you view life as something like hey today i'm just gonna do xyz xyz xyz

554

because i feel like a lot of things in life get

555

too much in our head like sometimes it's just going to

556

a cafe to journal with somebody oh my god what do people think of me

557

when i go out people are gonna judge me oh my

558

god what happens xyz like yes some things are logical

559

but i do think that

560

when you put life a bit more simpler it's easier for

561

the mind you know you wore a pretty dress instead of

562

being oh my god i hate the way my body looks oh my god why do i look like

563

that oh my god those i hate this like what would

564

people think about it instead of just being like this is a pretty black dress

565

and i'm wearing it and i feel good and

566

i do think that we shouldn't constantly trying to seek approval from others

567

because i have moments where i feel very confident where i can say

568

that with my whole chest but sometimes when i say

569

that right now at this moment it's kind of hard for me to embody that

570

because i'm feeling a little insecure i care what people think

571

i do feel like having a very good support system in society having friends

572

and stuff it makes you more confident

573

because you have someone to fall back on you have people

574

who can relate to you understand you be there for you it's important for you to just realize

575

that you can do what you want

576

and you shouldn't set these limitations on yourself

577

because at the end your mind is the worst prison like you can cage yourself very easily

578

and you have to be pay attention to

579

that you have to just lay yourself out

580

and you have to just be like i don't care i

581

can do whatever i want this is my life i set

582

my own rules i can become whoever i want the only limitation is yourself

583

but yeah that's basically a review on this book let me know

584

if there's anything you want me to read

585

and review on it this was something

586

that was really interesting i do want to make more of

587

these book reviews for this channel i'm talking about it

588

and of course like you don't have to agree with everything

589

i've said it's like open for discussion i might change my

590

mind about something like you guys can't you know comment something

591

and i might be like oh wait actually

592

that might be right like i can go from agree to disagree

593

or disagree to agree it's just open discussion like i'm not

594

saying i'm the one that's only right this is just how i feel at this present moment

595

but yeah anyways i hope you guys enjoyed this video let me know what you guys think

596

and um yeah i'll see you guys all very soon

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “The Courage to be Disliked Summary + my honest review”. This video has 596 sentences and 6958 words to shadow. The speech runs for 26:11. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.

Key vocabulary in this video

The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
interpersonal adjective		Between two or more people.
flaw noun	/flɔ/	A crack or breach, a gap or fissure; a defect of continuity or cohesion.
mindset noun	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	A way of thinking; an attitude or opinion, especially a habitual one.
fulfill verb	/fʊlˈfɪl/	To satisfy, carry out, bring to completion (an obligation, a requirement, etc.).
horizontal adjective	/ˌhoɹəˈzɑn.təl/	Perpendicular to the vertical; parallel to the plane of the horizon; level, flat.
trauma noun	/ˈtɹɔm.ə/	Any injury to the body of a living thing.
philosopher noun	/fəˈlɑsəfɚ/	A lover of wisdom.
compensate verb	/ˈkɑm.pənˌseɪt/	To do (something good) after (something bad) happens.
dislike verb	/dɪsˈlaɪk/	To have a feeling of aversion or antipathy towards; not to like.
conform verb	/kənˈfɔɹm/	To adapt to something by more closely matching it, especially something normative.
expectation noun	/ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/	The act or state of expecting or looking forward to an event as about to happen.
vertical adjective	/ˈvɝ.tɪ.kəl/	Standing, pointing, or moving straight up or down; parallel to the local direction of gravity; along the direction of a plumb line; perpendicular to something…
shine verb	/ʃaɪn/	To emit or reflect light so as to glow.
takeaway noun	/ˈteɪkəweɪ/	A restaurant that sells food to be eaten elsewhere.
validation noun	/ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/	The act of validating something.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
go through verb	To travel from one end of something to the other.
write down verb	To produce or set (something) down in writing; to record something.
go out verb	To leave, especially a building.
move forward verb	To cause to make progress.
pick out verb	To remove by picking.
come across verb	To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition.
fall back on verb	To turn to as a substitute; to rely on as a backup.
get up verb	To move in an upward direction; to ascend or climb.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on	he's been manufacturing · has been saying
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	is called · be associated · is decided
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	those who don · friend who doesn · people who have
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	has already stepped · have not attained · i've said

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 202 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, don't, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, shine /ʃaɪn/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, affirmation /æfɝˈmeɪʃn/, limitation /lɪmɪˈteɪʃən/
Long words — get the stress right: horizontal /ˌhoɹəˈzɑn.təl/, philosopher /fəˈlɑsəfɚ/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, mentality /mɛnˈtæləti/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like interpersonal, flaw, mindset.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: The Courage to be Disliked Summary + my honest review - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Grammar in this video

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?