Shadowing Practice: The friendship recession | Richard Reeves - Learn English Speaking with Video
Choose a practice mode
Each mode opens a full-screen practice room.
95 sentences
If sentences are too short or too long, click Edit to adjust them.
1
There are some studies that suggest, for example, that being without a close friend, being lonely, is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
2
It's quite hard to measure friendships.
3
What's the quality of that friendship?
4
What's the quantity?
5
When people say they have a certain number of friends, what does that mean?
6
Does it mean how many friends they have on Facebook?
7
It is difficult to get at this quantitatively, and also people I think are a bit reluctant to admit sometimes to not having friends.
8
Loneliness is in some ways quite a stigmatized condition.
9
And so actually getting people to admit to loneliness is something that social scientists really struggle with.
10
I think a big question now is whether we're facing a friendship recession.
11
That's a term that Daniel Cox, a scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, has used to describe this rise in the number of people who lack a certain number of close friends,
12
who have fewer people to turn to in times of crisis.
13
You need a shoulder to cry on, or at least someone to have a conversation with.
14
That's less and less likely to be a friend now.
15
As society changes in all kinds of ways, technologically, economically, But I think it's important we pay attention to what is very often an underappreciated human relationship,
16
which is the friendship.
17
Friendships come in all shapes and sizes and are also formed in very different ways and in very different places.
18
One way we form friends is just by being at the same school as somebody, by growing up in the same place.
19
Another way is through the situations you find yourself in, through work.
20
There are also friends that you form through activities that are chosen, so through a voluntary activity or a sport, athletics.
21
The fourth is online friendships.
22
Those are friendships that are formed through a screen or over the internet in one kind or another, without necessarily ever physically meeting that person.
23
Across human history, there's always been a tribal size, I think, to friendship groups, which is somewhere in the teens,
24
say between 12 and 15 perhaps is a reasonable number to think about.
25
And then there are close friends.
26
Some people, of course, have no close friends
27
but most people have at least a close friend
28
and most people would say that the ideal number of close friends to have is somewhere around the three or four number.
29
Friendship was something that the the ancient philosophers used to take very seriously
30
if you go back to Aristotle for example in some ways seen as the ideal relationship
31
and one of the reasons why friendship is I think so important and so idealized is because it's a relationship of
32
genuine and radical equality, and one in which you're not in the friendship in order to get something out of it for yourself.
33
There's no sense of dependency, there's no sense of exchange, it's not a transactional relationship in any way.
34
And in most other occasions, relationships do contain some kind of transaction, some kind of what's in this for me.
35
But the definition of a friendship is a relationship where there is nothing in it for you.
36
other than the relationship.
37
Bye.
38
We've seen a decline in lots of traditional institutions, including the family, people marrying later if they do marry, obviously in areas like religion,
39
in some cases the labour market.
40
And so what that means is there's more of a need for people to have social relationships, connections outside of those institutions.
41
That's where friends are hugely important.
42
But during the same period, we've seen a real decline in the number of people who say that they have a number of close friends.
43
particularly in 21st century US.
44
Number one is geographical mobility, people moving away from their homes, moving to big cities or career opportunities, which necessarily stretches their friendship network.
45
Parents are spending quite a bit more time on parenting, on looking after their kids, which squeezes out the time that they might have had for friendships before.
46
There's also a lot of emphasis on work and careers, what some scholars call workism, which is a sense that your identity is
47
so wrapped up in your work that you don't have as much energy and time left over for friends.
48
And then lastly, I'd point to the breakdown of relationships.
49
As marriages break up or couples separate, that can be really fracturing of friendship groups that have been formed as a couple.
50
Once they break up, the friendship groups very often get shattered as well.
51
There are a few downsides to being without friends.
52
One is lack of access to opportunities.
53
It turns out that many people get a lot of jobs
54
and opportunities and chances to go and do things through their friends.
55
So friends do act as a communications information channel.
56
But there are some quite profound effects on health too, mental health and even physical health.
57
It's not exactly clear what the causal relationships are, what's going on.
58
But it is clear that having friends is protective of your health in various ways.
59
And so it's not just that being without friends can make you isolated in a sort of economic or a social sense, but it can also make you sad.
60
And being sad, it turns out, is also bad in terms of your physical as well as emotional health.
61
Today, 15 % of young men say that they don't have a close friend.
62
That was just 3 % back in the 1990s.
63
And so we're seeing a five -fold increase in the number of men who have no close friends.
64
Back in 1990, Almost half of young men, 45%, said that if they had to turn to someone in a time of trouble, it would be to a close friend.
65
But now that's dropped to about 22%.
66
And in fact, there are more men, about 36%, who say that they would go to their parents.
67
So that's quite a radical transformation in the social networks that we've seen, particularly of young men.
68
The pandemic has been a sort of stress test for our friendship networks.
69
Interestingly, there we see
70
that it's women who've been most affected with more than half
71
of women saying they'd lost touch with at least some of their friends.
72
you I think that's because female friendships are more based on physical relationships, on face -to -face time,
73
whereas male friendships tend to be more mediated perhaps through activities or technology.
74
We don't know for sure.
75
But that gender gap is suggestive of the fact
76
that women's friendships are more in need of more regular physical contact than male friendships are, which is maybe why women's friendships have borne the brunt.
77
of the impact of COVID on those friendship networks.
78
There's obviously a dystopian version of how these trends could continue, which is a world of essentially atomized individuals without friends,
79
isolated, sad, lonely, perhaps in ill health.
80
I think that's why we have to pay real attention to these trends
81
and to recognize that friendship is incredibly important for human flourishing.
82
And that people want to make friends.
83
We're wired to want to be social creatures and to be friends.
84
but that might be harder for us to do so in certain circumstances.
85
Circumstances where we're under too much pressure, where we're too segregated, where the opportunities to cultivate friendship are not there.
86
A key lesson that we learn is that friendships don't form themselves.
87
Friendship is not a flower that just blooms all on its own.
88
It's more like a woodworking project that you have to carve out and continue to work on.
89
One of the necessary steps to making a friend is to admitting that you want to make a friend.
90
to being open to that.
91
That requires a certain vulnerability It requires you in some ways to reveal a need, a desire, And I think as we get older,
92
there's sometimes a sense of shame that comes along with not having enough friends.
93
And actually saying I need a friend is maybe one of the hardest sentences any human being can utter.
94
Get smarter, faster with videos from the world's biggest thinkers.
95
And to learn even more from the world's biggest thinkers, get BigThink + for your business.
Download App
Everything you need to speak fluently
AI PronunciationScore every sentence
IPA PracticeMaster every sound
VocabularyBuild your word bank
Vocab GameLearn while playing
Same Channel
C12
Why schools of the future will be designed with geneticists | Kathryn Paige Harden
Daily ConversationUniversity Students
C14
The shock of doing nothing | Andrew Holecek
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C14
Why sex, food, and shelter aren’t enough for Homo Sapiens | Agustín Fuentes
Daily ConversationUniversity Students
C13
Become a great strategic thinker | Ian Bremmer
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C16
Kids don’t always make you happier. Here’s why people have them anyway. | Paul Bloom
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
Where is the evidence for God? | Bishop Robert Barron
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
A mind-blowing explanation of symmetry | Frank Wilczek for Big Think
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
How evolution works, in 54 minutes | Sean B. Carroll: Full Interview
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C112
Supernatural thinking: Your brain’s anti-anxiety mode | Clay Routledge
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
Mindfulness isn’t the only powerful mental state | Clay Routledge
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
Why ‘turning the other cheek’ is fundamentally misunderstood | Bishop Robert Barron
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C15
How many people are in hell? | Bishop Robert Barron
Daily ConversationUniversity Students
C14
What kind of atheist are you? | Clay Routledge
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C185
What science can’t answer, according to physicist Jim Al-Khalili | Big Think
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B23
How do elite performers automate their habits? | Wendy Wood
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
Hit peak performance with the power of habit | Wendy Wood
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C12
Why I’m against empathy | Paul Bloom
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
The famous tree-falling thought experiment has a new answer | Lisa Feldman Barrett
Daily ConversationUniversity Students
C11
12 traits emotionally intelligent people share (You can learn them) | Daniel Goleman for Big Think+
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
Why humans believe “everything happens for a reason” | Clay Routledge
Daily ConversationUniversity Students
FOR YOU
Recommend Video
C13
67 sentences
The Purpose of Friendship
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21,459
20 sentences
Social Media and Your Mental Health
TeensDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B298 sentences
The Truth About People With Fewer Friends - Jordan Peterson
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B251
22 sentences
its time to have a conversation with them
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B111
33 sentences
SEtalk: The Surprising Strength of Weak Ties
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C120
112 sentences
Why you can't quit social media (and the Romans knew it)
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C136
34 sentences
Book Club Debate: Is Technology Making Us Lonelier?
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B26
37 sentences
How the Internet Is Changing Friendship
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C121
5 sentences
Being a good friends takes energy #jayshetty
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
95 sentences
7 Signs You Have Real Friends
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C17
49 sentences
Are We Rejecting Them Because They’re Wrong—or Because We’re Unwell?
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B11
160 sentences
I Have No Friends
Interview EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Who Will Benefit from This Video?
This video is perfect for intermediate to advanced English learners looking to boost their conversational skills and understand complex social topics. If you want to practice discussing real-world issues like relationships, health, and societal trends—while expanding your vocabulary—this is a great fit. It’s also ideal for those working on shadowing, as the speaker’s clear, deliberate tone makes it easy to mimic rhythm and intonation.
Words & Idioms Worth Stealing
Here are key phrases to add to your toolkit:
- Friendship recession: A decline in the number or quality of close friendships. Example: "Experts warn of a friendship recession among young adults."
- Shoulder to cry on: Someone who listens and supports you during hard times. Example: "I’m glad I have a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong."
- Transactional relationship: A connection based on getting something in return. Example: "Their partnership felt transactional, not genuine."
- Geographical mobility: The tendency to move to different places for work or life. Example: "Geographical mobility can strain long-distance friendships."
How to Get the Accent Right
To master the speaker’s pronunciation, focus on two areas: stress in multi-syllabic words and pausing for emphasis. Words like "stigmatized" (STIG-muh-tized) and "quantitatively" (KWAHN-tuh-tiv-lee) have clear stress on the first syllable—practice saying them slowly, then speed up. Notice how the speaker pauses before key points, like "It’s quite hard to measure friendships"—this rhythm makes ideas easier to follow. For extra practice, use a shadowing app or shadowing site to repeat short clips. Try "shadowspeak" (mimicking while listening) to match the speaker’s tone and pace. Over time, this will help you sound more natural in English conversations. Remember, consistency is key—even 10 minutes a day with a shadow speech tool can make a big difference!
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | there's always been · We've seen · have been formed |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | people who lack · groups, which is · people who say |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | are also formed · are chosen · are formed |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.