Shadowing Practice: Why Knowing Better Doesn’t Help in the Moment - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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You've read the books, you know the tools, you could probably explain them to someone else, and maybe you have.
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You know you shouldn't send the reply tonight, and you know that raising your voice won't help.
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You know how to take a breath and step back, and when the moment comes, none of that knowledge shows up.
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Afterwards, you replay it and think, I know exactly what to do, why can't I do it?
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I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist, and I teach practical neuroscience that helps high performers stay sharp under pressure.
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Today, I'm talking about why understanding what to do often disappears right
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when you need it in a way that you can set yourself up so that it does it.
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If you're someone who's thoughtful and self -aware, this could be a really frustrating experience.
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See if any of these three scenarios sound familiar to you.
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One, you go to a family dinner and on the drive over, you tell yourself you're not going to take the bait this time.
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You know exactly what your brother is going to say and you've even planned what you'll do.
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20 minutes in, he says it and you're right back in the same argument that you've had for years.
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Two, it's late and you've been reading a message that got under your skin.
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You know the rule, don't reply tonight, just sleep on it.
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But you're already typing and part of you is watching yourself do it.
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Three, you're good at calming other people down.
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People come to you when they're upset and you know what to say.
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But when it's you, you can't reach any of it.
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You tell yourself to calm down, and it doesn't touch what you're feeling.
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If anything, now you're upset and frustrated that you can't calm down.
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And the next morning, when you're calm again, it all just seems so obvious.
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You can see exactly where you could have paused and what you could have said.
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And the clarity is right there.
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It just wasn't there when you needed it.
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If this is you, you don't have a knowledge problem.
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You have an access problem.
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Let me explain what's going on.
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There's a concept in behavioral science called the hot -cold empathy gap.
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It comes from the economist and psychologist Dr. George Lowenstein at Carnegie Mellon.
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The idea is that when you're in a calm state, which he calls a cold state,
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you tend to underestimate how much a strong feeling will drive your behavior once you're in a hot state.
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Research on this has looked at things like cravings and the pattern holds.
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People who aren't in the grip of a strong urge tend to misjudge how they will act when they are.
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That means the calm version of you is making plans for a version of you that won't be calm.
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Your plan of, I just won't take the bait, was made by someone who wasn't feeling the heat.
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And a plan like that only works if you can think clearly when it's time to use it.
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And that's the second piece.
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When you're under pressure, the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that helps you pause and choose your response, has a harder time doing its job.
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Stress weakens its control, while the alarm system in your brain gets more reactive.
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Now, think about what most of the advice you know says to do.
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Reframe the situation.
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Consider other people's point of view.
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Remind yourself what matters.
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Those are all good skills, and they all rely on thinking part of your brain.
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When researchers give people a choice of how to handle something upsetting, the more intense the feeling, the more people choose to think about something neutral,
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like what they need to pick up at the store, instead of trying to see the situation differently.
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Thinking through it takes some processing time, and intense emotion can move faster than you can think it through.
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So it isn't that your insight is wrong or that you haven't learned enough.
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Your insight lives inside a state of mind that you're not in when things heat up.
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In other words, when you're upset, what you know is much harder to use.
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So what can you do?
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Close the gap ahead of time.
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Let your calm self make the decision so that your heated self doesn't have to.
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And this is done with what's called an if -then plan.
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You decide in advance.
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If this specific thing happens, I'll do this specific thing.
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For example, if I feel heat in my chest while I'm reading a message, then I'll put the phone face down and stand up.
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If my brother brings up that topic, then I'll say, I'm going to grab some water and step out of the room.
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Or if I hear my voice getting louder, then I'll stop talking and take one slow breath before I say anything else.
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Notice what these have in common.
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The if is something that you can notice in your body or your surroundings, not something that you have to figure out.
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And the then is a small physical action.
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There's no reframing, no reasoning required in the moment.
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You just follow the plan.
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There's a lot of research behind this.
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The psychologist, Dr. Peter Goldwitzer, and his colleagues have studied if -then plans for decades.
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And a large review of that research found that they help people follow through on what they intend to do, including managing their emotions.
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Part of why they work is that once you've made the plan, the situation itself becomes your cue.
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You don't have to figure out what to do in the moment because you've already decided.
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A few tips to make this work.
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Pick one situation that keeps happening.
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Don't try to plan for everything.
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Make the if as specific as you can.
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When I get stressed is just too vague, but when I feel my jaw tighten or when I start typing a reply after 9 p .m at night,
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That's something that you can actually catch.
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Also, keep the then small enough so that you'll do it on your worst day.
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And say it to yourself a few times or write it down.
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You want it to be familiar before you need it.
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If you've been frustrated with yourself for knowing better and yet not doing better, I hope this gives you a different way to look at it.
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That gap doesn't have to mean you're not self -aware enough or that you haven't done enough work on yourself.
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It just means that you've been asking your heated self to do a job only your calm self can do.
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The good news is most of your time is spent calm, or at least I hope it is.
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That's when you can decide what you'll do the next time things heat up
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so that you're not trying to figure it out in the moment.
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In my next video, I'll talk about why you can still feel wound up hours after something is over, even when it's been handled.
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If you're not already subscribed, subscribe so that you don't miss it.
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Thanks for watching today.
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See you next time.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “Why Knowing Better Doesn’t Help in the Moment”. This video has 88 sentences and 1210 words to shadow. The speech runs for 6:24. The speaker talks fast, about 189 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 89% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| intense adjective | /ɪnˈtɛns/ | Of a characteristic: extreme or very high or strong in degree; severe; also, excessive, towering. |
| breathe verb | /bɹiːð/ | To draw air into (inhale), and expel air from (exhale), the lungs in order to extract oxygen and excrete waste gases. |
| emotion noun | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | A person's internal state of being and involuntary physiological response to an object or a situation, based on or tied to physical state and sensory data. |
| insight noun | /ˈɪnsaɪ̯t/ | A sight or view of the interior of anything; a deep inspection or view; introspection; frequently used with into. |
| subscribe verb | /səbˈskɹaɪb/ | To write (one’s name) at the bottom of a document; to sign (one's name). |
| pause noun | /pɔːz/ | A temporary stop or rest; an intermission of action; interruption; suspension; cessation. |
| bait noun | /beɪt/ | Any substance, especially food, used in catching fish, or other animals, by alluring them to a hook, snare, trap, or net. |
| psychologist noun | /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/ | An expert in the field of psychology. |
| topic noun | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest. |
| practical adjective | /ˈpɹæk.tɪ.kəl/ | Relating to, or based on, practice or action rather than theory or hypothesis. |
| sharp adjective | /ʃɑɹp/ | Terminating in a point or edge, especially one that can cut or pierce easily; not dull, obtuse, or rounded. |
| afterwards adverb | /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/ | At a later or succeeding time; after that; |
| skill noun | /skɪl/ | A capacity to do something well; a technique, an ability, usually acquired or learned, as opposed to abilities that are regarded as innate. |
| remind verb | /ɹəˈmaɪnd/ | To cause one to experience a memory (of someone or something); to bring to the notice or consideration (of a person). |
| rely verb | /ɹɪˈlaɪ/ | To trust; to have confidence in; to depend. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| calm down verb | To become less excited, intense, or angry. | |
| figure out verb | To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce. | |
| heat up verb | To heat, to cause to become hotter. | |
| bring up verb | To mention. | |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. | |
| stand up verb | To rise from a lying or sitting position. | |
| step back verb | /stɛp ˈbæk/ | To stop what one is doing and evaluate the current situation. |
| think through verb | To fully consider, so as to understand all the consequences of. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Three, you're good at calming other people down.
- It just wasn't there when you needed it.
- Let me explain what's going on.
- That's something that you can actually catch.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | If this specific thing happens, I'll do |
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | you've been reading · you've been asking |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | You've read · you've even planned · has looked |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | was made · is done · you've been frustrated |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 58 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, you've, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: breathe /bɹiːð/, thoughtful /ˈθɔːtfəl/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, sharp /ʃɑɹp/
- Long words — get the stress right: psychologist /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, economist /iˈkɑ.nə.mɪst/, behavioral /bɪˈheɪvjəɹəl/, psychiatrist /ˌsaɪˈkaɪ.ə.tɹɪst/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like intense, breathe, emotion.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.