Prática de Shadowing: 3 Hard Truths About Finding the Right Person - Aprenda a falar inglês com vídeo
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How do you solve the love depression that I talked about in the very beginning, looking at the data in your own life?
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Now, to begin with, to do this requires risk, taking risk.
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One of the characteristics that I find that's actually inhibiting falling in love the most,
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and this once again gets back to the literature that I look at every single day and what I write about,
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is that younger people, believe it or not, are actually less risk -taking than people were when they were young who are now my age.
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And this gets a lot to the work of Jean Twenge, a wonderful social psychologist at San Diego State University,
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who talks about how young adults are growing up much more slowly.
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And the way that she measures that is with risk -taking behavior.
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Now, some of it's pretty innocuous and healthy, like driving.
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Some of it's less healthy, like drinking and using drugs, which, you know, everybody says, oh, young people, they're drinking and taking drugs more than ever.
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No, wrong.
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A lot less, as a matter of fact.
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They're also less likely to fall in love.
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They're also less likely to have sex.
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And it has everything to do, she says, of a lower willingness to take personal risk.
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Now, risk is funny because there's bad risks and there's good risks.
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But risk in general is not an unhealthy thing.
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On the contrary, that's characteristic of being an entrepreneur with your life.
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And I don't recommend being an entrepreneur with your life by taking dangerous drugs and driving 100 miles an hour.
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That's stupid.
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But risks with your heart?
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It's another matter.
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That's the most entrepreneurial thing that you can do.
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Years ago, not that many years ago, I was giving a speech on Capitol Hill for a bunch of Capitol Hill staffers, people in their 20s.
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Now, for a little bit of background, Washington, D .C is the world's most dysfunctional dating market.
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I mean, it's everybody's climbing and it's all about power
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and it's just not a healthy way for people to fall in love, I have found.
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And so they were really deeply interested when I was talking about this topic.
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And I said, look, if you really want to be an entrepreneur, real entrepreneur in your life, give your heart away, take a risk.
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That's the ultimate risk of, you know, putting at risk valuable resources in search of explosive returns.
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That's the definition of entrepreneurship.
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I thought it was clever anyway.
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A couple of weeks later, a guy comes up to me on a plane and, because I'm always on a plane.
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And he says, Professor Brooks.
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I said, yeah he says i was at
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that talk you gave on capitol hill about being an entrepreneur with my life
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and to give my heart away and take a risk
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and i said yeah he says
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and i can't get it out of my head i said yeah he said
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so i'm on my way right now to tell a woman
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i've been secretly in love with for two years how i feel i'm gonna spill it
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and i'm like dude it was only a speech you know
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i'm not trying to ruin your life i was kind of worried about that because i'm thinking yeah i mean, this could have consequences.
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And I said, you know, here's my email.
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Let me know how it turns out.
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He said, okay.
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And I didn't hear from him, which seemed like not great.
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Well, I did see him some months later at a party, a holiday party at the company that I was running.
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And he showed up and he said, remember me?
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And I said, yeah.
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And I said, how did it go?
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How'd it go with that woman that you were in love with?
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And he said, he shot me down.
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She wasn't in love with me.
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Not at all.
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She was in love with another guy.
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She introduced me to him.
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It was horrible.
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And I was very contrite.
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I said, I'm sorry.
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I wasn't trying to ruin your life.
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And he said, no, no, no. He said, the reason I came is because I wanted to thank you.
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I said, thank me for what?
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And he said, because, you know, that was the thing I was most afraid of in my life.
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I mean, I just couldn't, I couldn't bear the thought of that happening.
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And it did.
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And I didn't die, and I'm not afraid anymore.
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You get the point, right?
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This makes you stronger.
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Now, to be sure, it is unbelievably painful to be rejected.
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I have studied the pain of social rejection.
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The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex of the brain is designed in the limbic system to make you hate social rejection.
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Even in little games when they put people in machines to look at the activities of their brains,
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and they simulate rejection by having a ball -tossing game that you're looking at on a screen,
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and two other people start excluding you from the game, it starts to feel painful in this dorsal anterior cingulate cortex of your brain.
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Imagine when somebody says to you, you love me, but I don't love you.
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It's going to be unbelievably painful.
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It's intensely painful, as a matter of fact.
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And I've talked about this kind of pain in past episodes in the past.
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But here's the thing that's how you learn that's the only way
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that you learn what do you learn you learn about what went wrong you learn
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that you won't die you learn more what you're looking for you learn
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that that wasn't the person for you and why that's why it's
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so critically important to get into the cycle of try fail suffer Try.
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Try again.
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Now, I've got a lot of data on how long it actually takes for people to get over their heartbreak.
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And the answer is usually a few months, not a few years.
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It's very unusual that you have a breakup and it lasts years and years.
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On the contrary, you will actually get over it sooner than you think.
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And six weeks from now, you'll be on a date with somebody else going, I can't believe I was on.
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I love that loser so much.
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That's the typical thing that we actually find.
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But you also, the learning that you get is really the big, big benefit from this.
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There's a really interesting paper on this that, you know, a 2018 study that looked at 160 daters who were in their 20s.
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And then they broke up around the age of 22,
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which is the kind of the modal age to have your first big breakup of somebody that you're truly in love with, it turns out.
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And then it asked them what they learned.
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And it turns out that those who actually believe they learned from their breakup,
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they had much higher relationship satisfaction subsequently and lower relationship conflict in their next relationship.
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In other words, learn, learn, learn, do the postmortem, figure out what actually went wrong, and you will benefit from this.
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But you have to fail as part of the process here so that you can get better.
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That means take a risk and be willing to fail.
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What do they learn, by the way?
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They learn three things.
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Here's what breakups teach you.
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Social cognitive maturity, right?
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That's like, I know why I behaved like an idiot and I won't do that again because I'm matured.
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Number two is romantic agency.
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I know what I want now.
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And number three is coherence.
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You all know what that is because you've been following the show.
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That means why things happen the way they do.
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I know why my last relationship failed and I'm going to fix those mistakes in the future.
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You only get that from experience.
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This is why, you know, people, they tend to do best in marriages, for example, after they've had a few breakups,
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not 50 breakups, not 200 breakups.
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We're talking about a few breakups.
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It's kind of like a mature startup is the way that that works.
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A couple of false starts along the way.
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Mature startups, not mergers, certainly not hostile takeovers.
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Anyway, I'm not going to press that metaphor.
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All right, that's number one.
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Take more risk.
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That's the first of the protocols of how to fall in love and stay in love.
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Number two, don't look for your body double.
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Look for your compliment.
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This is really important.
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Now, you know, I'm really interested in how technology is affecting how people fall in love and stay in love.
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62 % of long -term relationships now are starting on the apps.
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That's kind of how people meet.
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I talk to young people and I say, you know, why don't you just go up and, you know, when you're having a drink after work,
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go up and talk to somebody because they're like, because I don't want them to think I'm a serial killer.
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Yeah.
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I mean, society is very complicated and how people meet actually changes.
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And I've got a lot of thoughts on that.
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It's very important if you can to meet people in real life.
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And usually that's actually not in a bar that's around common interests, whether it's a running club,
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or church, or whatever your thing actually happens to be.
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But probably, for those of you who are watching this and you're in the dating pool, you're probably using the apps because most people are.
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What should you be looking for?
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The answer is not somebody who's exactly like you.
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And one of the problems with many of the apps, the apps are getting better at this,
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and I'm very bullish on what the apps are going to be able to do.
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I'm not anti -technology, but what they've often done in the past is allowed
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you to curate your dating profile to eliminate everybody who doesn't
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have a lot of overlap with you beyond just some basic values to we vote the same way, we listen to the same music,
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we want to go live in the same city, we work in the same industry, everything.
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And pretty soon you're looking in the mirror and that is truly not hot.
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I hope that's not hot to you.
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Why is it that more and more people often say who curate their dating profiles very, very studiously and very, very,
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in a very careful way that they get a lot of dates, but they don't have much attraction.
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And the answer is because there's too much compatibility and not enough complementarity.
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Complementarity is difference and difference is hot.
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That's really where it comes down to.
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And, and again, this is a, this is a neurobiological phenomenon.
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Famous study.
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Many of you have heard about this.
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This is the Wettekind et al study in biological sciences, an old study, 1995.
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This is the famous t -shirt sniffing study.
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And what it was, was in a nutshell really quickly, is that guys on the college campus,
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these experiments always use undergraduate dudes because they'll do anything for 20 bucks.
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They had to wear a t -shirt around for 48 hours, working out, going to class, no showers.
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And then they would take those t -shirts and put them in shoeboxes
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and drill holes in the shoeboxes and undergraduate women who didn't know them or didn't know who they were,
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there's no identifying characteristics on the boxes, had to sniff.
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I know it's gross.
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Bear with me.
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Sniff the t -shirts and say who's most attractive simply on the basis of the smell.
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What do they find?
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That those who are immunologically most dissimilar from them, the women, were most attractive to them.
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Now, there's a reason for this.
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This is called the MHC, the Major Histocompatibility Complex.
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You know, based on smell, you don't know.
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It's an indication to you because your brain knows so much more than you're consciously aware of.
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Who is dissimilar enough from you, such that if you hypothetically have offspring, who's going to have a wider immunological repertoire?
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You want people who have different defenses than you.
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That's called, that's what the major histocompatibility complex actually is, which you ascertain through the olfactory bulb in your brain, among other ways of ascertaining that.
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You can do it through, you know, sight and a lot of other ways as well.
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The bottom line is this, more different, hotter, right but we're not curating for that
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when we're spending too much time looking for the body double we're very narcissistic as creatures i get it
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but the more narcissistic you are and the more
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that you're picking your dating partners as opposed to somebody who actually loves you
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and says i'd be the perfect person for her they're not saying
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it's just like her they're saying it's enough like her
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and then enough different than her as well that's principle number two of the protocol
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Look for difference, not just similarity.
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Number three, don't fear breaking up.
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Don't fear the breakup.
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I've talked about this a little bit before, but if you're paralyzed by the possible pain, you won't do what you need to do.
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So this really is tied to step one of the protocol.
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You know, if you're going into business and you're horribly, horribly afraid of having a mishap in business, you're going to make bad business decisions.
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Now, if you're not afraid at all, You're also going to make bad business decisions.
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But all of us are a little bit afraid.
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I'm not worried about that.
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But people who are paralyzed by fear almost always make non -entrepreneurial decisions.
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And that's fatal when it comes to romance.
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Don't fear.
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Now, or let me be a little bit more specific about this.
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Have courage, even if you do feel fear, because that's really what it's all about.
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Feel the fear and act anyway.
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Say, bring it on.
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Bring on the risk.
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when a relationship dissolves
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that they they have a tendency to to rate mental pain at a pretty significant level
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it's it's slightly more than three on a one to seven scale of mental pain severity people actually looked at
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that measured that
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but it falls it falls much faster than you think your brain is designed to make you think
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that when you're in pain is never going to go away.
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The reason for that is because your brain wants you to avoid doing things that are painful to you.
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These things are threats.
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But you know beyond your just basic troglodyte limbic system that there's lots of things that you need to do.
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And that means you need to understand that whereas your limbic system is saying this pain is permanent, it's lying to you.
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It's transient.
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And therefore, you will walk into a situation in which there is possible pain.
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What do we know about
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that three on a one to seven scale it goes down on average by about 0 .07 points on
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that scale each week so
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if you're a 3 .5 in pain after a breakup on average
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you can expect to feel a little bit better each week where after six weeks
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you're going to feel less than half as bad about it
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and by that point less than half as bad is a pretty normal level of pain in your life
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and you're probably going to be dating again and that's within six months
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Let's get started.
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Vocabulário e dicas de fala para esta lição
Esta aula de conversação usa o vídeo “3 Hard Truths About Finding the Right Person”. As palavras que mais se repetem: risk, learn, breakup, pain. Este vídeo tem 223 frases e 2596 palavras para praticar shadowing. A fala dura 13:32. O falante fala rápido, cerca de 192 palavras por minuto, então espere sons ligados e reduzidos. 86% das palavras estão entre as 3.000 mais comuns do inglês; vale a pena estudar o restante antes de começar.
Vocabulário principal deste vídeo
15 palavras do vídeo que vale a pena aprender, com pronúncia e significado:
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| breakup substantivo | /ˈbɹeɪk.ʌp/ | quebra |
| painful adjetivo | /ˈpeɪn.fl̩/ | doloroso, dolorido |
| entrepreneur substantivo | /ˌɑn.tɹə.pɹəˈnɝ/ | empreendedor, empreendedora |
| mature adjetivo | /məˈt͡ʃʊ(ə)ɹ/ | maduro |
| characteristic substantivo | /ˌkæɹ(ə)ktəˈɹɪstɪk/ | característica, caraterística |
| rejection substantivo | /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/ | rejeição |
| ruin substantivo | /ˈɹuː.ɪn/ | ruína |
| undergraduate substantivo | estudante de graduação, graduando | |
| startup substantivo | /ˈstɑɹtˌʌp/ | inicialização, arranque |
| cortex substantivo | /ˈkɔɹtɛks/ | córtex |
| anterior adjetivo | /ænˈtɪɹ.i.ɚ/ | anterior |
| topic substantivo | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | tópico, assunto |
| complicated adjetivo | /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/ | complicado |
| killer substantivo | /ˈkɪlɚ/ | assassino, assassina |
| mirror substantivo | /ˈmiɹɚ/ | espelho |
Phrasal verbs que você vai ouvir
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| turn out verbo | terminar | |
| get over verbo | superar | |
| go up verbo | subir | |
| figure out verbo | descobrir, deduzir | |
| go away verbo | sair, partir | |
| grow up verbo | crescer | |
| work out verbo | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | calcular |
Frases que vale a pena repetir
Frases curtas e completas do vídeo que você pode usar na conversa do dia a dia:
- That's the most entrepreneurial thing that you can do.
- How'd it go with that woman that you were in love with?
- She wasn't in love with me.
- I said, thank me for what?
- What should you be looking for?
Gramática neste vídeo
As estruturas que o falante mais usa, com as palavras exatas do vídeo:
| Estrutura | No vídeo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + particípio passado — uma ação passada que ainda importa agora | have found · i've been · have studied |
| Voz passiva be + particípio passado — o foco está no que acontece, não em quem faz | be rejected · is designed · is allowed |
| Orações relativas who / which + oração — informação extra sobre uma pessoa ou coisa | those who actually · women who didn · those who are |
Pronúncia para ficar de olho
O falante usa 83 contrações e formas reduzidas, como you're, I'm, don't. Diga-as na forma curta, do jeito que você ouve.
- Os sons de “sh” e “zh”: rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, unusual /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/, satisfaction /sætɪsˈfækʃən/, attraction /əˈtɹækʃn̩/, indication /ɪndɪˈkeɪʃən/
- Palavras longas — acerte a sílaba tônica: entrepreneur /ˌɑn.tɹə.pɹəˈnɝ/, characteristic /ˌkæɹ(ə)ktəˈɹɪstɪk/, anterior /ænˈtɪɹ.i.ɚ/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, unusual /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/
Sons difíceis para falantes de português:
- Consoante final — sem acrescentar um “i” depois: breakup /ˈbɹeɪk.ʌp/, characteristic /ˌkæɹ(ə)ktəˈɹɪstɪk/, startup /ˈstɑɹtˌʌp/, topic /ˈtɑpɪk/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/
- /l/ final — a língua toca o céu da boca, não vira “u”: protocol /ˈpɹoʊtəˌkɑl/, capitol /ˈkæp.ɪ.təl/, unusual /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/, horrible /ˈhɔɹ.ɪ.bəl/, principle /ˈpɹɪn.sɪ.pəl/
- /h/ — um sopro suave, diferente do “r”: horrible /ˈhɔɹ.ɪ.bəl/, whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/, hostile /ˈhɑstəl/, behave /bɪˈheɪv/, unhealthy /ʌnˈhɛl.θi/
Como praticar com este vídeo
- Ouça o vídeo inteiro uma vez sem falar e anote as palavras que você não conhece.
- Comece na velocidade 0,75×, faça shadowing frase por frase e volte à velocidade normal quando ficar fácil.
- Grave a sua voz e compare com o original, prestando atenção a palavras como breakup, painful, entrepreneur.
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.