Практика Shadowing: 3 Hard Truths About Finding the Right Person - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

Выберите режим практики

Каждый режим открывает полноэкранную комнату практики.

223 предложений

Если предложения слишком короткие или длинные, нажмите Edit, чтобы их изменить.

How do you solve the love depression that I talked about in the very beginning, looking at the data in your own life?

Now, to begin with, to do this requires risk, taking risk.

One of the characteristics that I find that's actually inhibiting falling in love the most,

and this once again gets back to the literature that I look at every single day and what I write about,

is that younger people, believe it or not, are actually less risk -taking than people were when they were young who are now my age.

And this gets a lot to the work of Jean Twenge, a wonderful social psychologist at San Diego State University,

who talks about how young adults are growing up much more slowly.

And the way that she measures that is with risk -taking behavior.

Now, some of it's pretty innocuous and healthy, like driving.

Some of it's less healthy, like drinking and using drugs, which, you know, everybody says, oh, young people, they're drinking and taking drugs more than ever.

No, wrong.

A lot less, as a matter of fact.

They're also less likely to fall in love.

They're also less likely to have sex.

And it has everything to do, she says, of a lower willingness to take personal risk.

Now, risk is funny because there's bad risks and there's good risks.

But risk in general is not an unhealthy thing.

On the contrary, that's characteristic of being an entrepreneur with your life.

And I don't recommend being an entrepreneur with your life by taking dangerous drugs and driving 100 miles an hour.

That's stupid.

But risks with your heart?

It's another matter.

That's the most entrepreneurial thing that you can do.

Years ago, not that many years ago, I was giving a speech on Capitol Hill for a bunch of Capitol Hill staffers, people in their 20s.

Now, for a little bit of background, Washington, D .C is the world's most dysfunctional dating market.

I mean, it's everybody's climbing and it's all about power

and it's just not a healthy way for people to fall in love, I have found.

And so they were really deeply interested when I was talking about this topic.

And I said, look, if you really want to be an entrepreneur, real entrepreneur in your life, give your heart away, take a risk.

That's the ultimate risk of, you know, putting at risk valuable resources in search of explosive returns.

That's the definition of entrepreneurship.

I thought it was clever anyway.

A couple of weeks later, a guy comes up to me on a plane and, because I'm always on a plane.

And he says, Professor Brooks.

I said, yeah he says i was at

that talk you gave on capitol hill about being an entrepreneur with my life

and to give my heart away and take a risk

and i said yeah he says

and i can't get it out of my head i said yeah he said

so i'm on my way right now to tell a woman

i've been secretly in love with for two years how i feel i'm gonna spill it

and i'm like dude it was only a speech you know

i'm not trying to ruin your life i was kind of worried about that because i'm thinking yeah i mean, this could have consequences.

And I said, you know, here's my email.

Let me know how it turns out.

He said, okay.

And I didn't hear from him, which seemed like not great.

Well, I did see him some months later at a party, a holiday party at the company that I was running.

And he showed up and he said, remember me?

And I said, yeah.

And I said, how did it go?

How'd it go with that woman that you were in love with?

And he said, he shot me down.

She wasn't in love with me.

Not at all.

She was in love with another guy.

She introduced me to him.

It was horrible.

And I was very contrite.

I said, I'm sorry.

I wasn't trying to ruin your life.

And he said, no, no, no. He said, the reason I came is because I wanted to thank you.

I said, thank me for what?

And he said, because, you know, that was the thing I was most afraid of in my life.

I mean, I just couldn't, I couldn't bear the thought of that happening.

And it did.

And I didn't die, and I'm not afraid anymore.

You get the point, right?

This makes you stronger.

Now, to be sure, it is unbelievably painful to be rejected.

I have studied the pain of social rejection.

The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex of the brain is designed in the limbic system to make you hate social rejection.

Even in little games when they put people in machines to look at the activities of their brains,

and they simulate rejection by having a ball -tossing game that you're looking at on a screen,

and two other people start excluding you from the game, it starts to feel painful in this dorsal anterior cingulate cortex of your brain.

Imagine when somebody says to you, you love me, but I don't love you.

It's going to be unbelievably painful.

It's intensely painful, as a matter of fact.

And I've talked about this kind of pain in past episodes in the past.

But here's the thing that's how you learn that's the only way

that you learn what do you learn you learn about what went wrong you learn

that you won't die you learn more what you're looking for you learn

that that wasn't the person for you and why that's why it's

so critically important to get into the cycle of try fail suffer Try.

Try again.

Now, I've got a lot of data on how long it actually takes for people to get over their heartbreak.

And the answer is usually a few months, not a few years.

It's very unusual that you have a breakup and it lasts years and years.

On the contrary, you will actually get over it sooner than you think.

And six weeks from now, you'll be on a date with somebody else going, I can't believe I was on.

I love that loser so much.

That's the typical thing that we actually find.

But you also, the learning that you get is really the big, big benefit from this.

There's a really interesting paper on this that, you know, a 2018 study that looked at 160 daters who were in their 20s.

And then they broke up around the age of 22,

which is the kind of the modal age to have your first big breakup of somebody that you're truly in love with, it turns out.

And then it asked them what they learned.

And it turns out that those who actually believe they learned from their breakup,

they had much higher relationship satisfaction subsequently and lower relationship conflict in their next relationship.

100

In other words, learn, learn, learn, do the postmortem, figure out what actually went wrong, and you will benefit from this.

101

But you have to fail as part of the process here so that you can get better.

102

That means take a risk and be willing to fail.

103

What do they learn, by the way?

104

They learn three things.

105

Here's what breakups teach you.

106

Social cognitive maturity, right?

107

That's like, I know why I behaved like an idiot and I won't do that again because I'm matured.

108

Number two is romantic agency.

109

I know what I want now.

110

And number three is coherence.

111

You all know what that is because you've been following the show.

112

That means why things happen the way they do.

113

I know why my last relationship failed and I'm going to fix those mistakes in the future.

114

You only get that from experience.

115

This is why, you know, people, they tend to do best in marriages, for example, after they've had a few breakups,

116

not 50 breakups, not 200 breakups.

117

We're talking about a few breakups.

118

It's kind of like a mature startup is the way that that works.

119

A couple of false starts along the way.

120

Mature startups, not mergers, certainly not hostile takeovers.

121

Anyway, I'm not going to press that metaphor.

122

All right, that's number one.

123

Take more risk.

124

That's the first of the protocols of how to fall in love and stay in love.

125

Number two, don't look for your body double.

126

Look for your compliment.

127

This is really important.

128

Now, you know, I'm really interested in how technology is affecting how people fall in love and stay in love.

129

62 % of long -term relationships now are starting on the apps.

130

That's kind of how people meet.

131

I talk to young people and I say, you know, why don't you just go up and, you know, when you're having a drink after work,

132

go up and talk to somebody because they're like, because I don't want them to think I'm a serial killer.

133

Yeah.

134

I mean, society is very complicated and how people meet actually changes.

135

And I've got a lot of thoughts on that.

136

It's very important if you can to meet people in real life.

137

And usually that's actually not in a bar that's around common interests, whether it's a running club,

138

or church, or whatever your thing actually happens to be.

139

But probably, for those of you who are watching this and you're in the dating pool, you're probably using the apps because most people are.

140

What should you be looking for?

141

The answer is not somebody who's exactly like you.

142

And one of the problems with many of the apps, the apps are getting better at this,

143

and I'm very bullish on what the apps are going to be able to do.

144

I'm not anti -technology, but what they've often done in the past is allowed

145

you to curate your dating profile to eliminate everybody who doesn't

146

have a lot of overlap with you beyond just some basic values to we vote the same way, we listen to the same music,

147

we want to go live in the same city, we work in the same industry, everything.

148

And pretty soon you're looking in the mirror and that is truly not hot.

149

I hope that's not hot to you.

150

Why is it that more and more people often say who curate their dating profiles very, very studiously and very, very,

151

in a very careful way that they get a lot of dates, but they don't have much attraction.

152

And the answer is because there's too much compatibility and not enough complementarity.

153

Complementarity is difference and difference is hot.

154

That's really where it comes down to.

155

And, and again, this is a, this is a neurobiological phenomenon.

156

Famous study.

157

Many of you have heard about this.

158

This is the Wettekind et al study in biological sciences, an old study, 1995.

159

This is the famous t -shirt sniffing study.

160

And what it was, was in a nutshell really quickly, is that guys on the college campus,

161

these experiments always use undergraduate dudes because they'll do anything for 20 bucks.

162

They had to wear a t -shirt around for 48 hours, working out, going to class, no showers.

163

And then they would take those t -shirts and put them in shoeboxes

164

and drill holes in the shoeboxes and undergraduate women who didn't know them or didn't know who they were,

165

there's no identifying characteristics on the boxes, had to sniff.

166

I know it's gross.

167

Bear with me.

168

Sniff the t -shirts and say who's most attractive simply on the basis of the smell.

169

What do they find?

170

That those who are immunologically most dissimilar from them, the women, were most attractive to them.

171

Now, there's a reason for this.

172

This is called the MHC, the Major Histocompatibility Complex.

173

You know, based on smell, you don't know.

174

It's an indication to you because your brain knows so much more than you're consciously aware of.

175

Who is dissimilar enough from you, such that if you hypothetically have offspring, who's going to have a wider immunological repertoire?

176

You want people who have different defenses than you.

177

That's called, that's what the major histocompatibility complex actually is, which you ascertain through the olfactory bulb in your brain, among other ways of ascertaining that.

178

You can do it through, you know, sight and a lot of other ways as well.

179

The bottom line is this, more different, hotter, right but we're not curating for that

180

when we're spending too much time looking for the body double we're very narcissistic as creatures i get it

181

but the more narcissistic you are and the more

182

that you're picking your dating partners as opposed to somebody who actually loves you

183

and says i'd be the perfect person for her they're not saying

184

it's just like her they're saying it's enough like her

185

and then enough different than her as well that's principle number two of the protocol

186

Look for difference, not just similarity.

187

Number three, don't fear breaking up.

188

Don't fear the breakup.

189

I've talked about this a little bit before, but if you're paralyzed by the possible pain, you won't do what you need to do.

190

So this really is tied to step one of the protocol.

191

You know, if you're going into business and you're horribly, horribly afraid of having a mishap in business, you're going to make bad business decisions.

192

Now, if you're not afraid at all, You're also going to make bad business decisions.

193

But all of us are a little bit afraid.

194

I'm not worried about that.

195

But people who are paralyzed by fear almost always make non -entrepreneurial decisions.

196

And that's fatal when it comes to romance.

197

Don't fear.

198

Now, or let me be a little bit more specific about this.

199

Have courage, even if you do feel fear, because that's really what it's all about.

200

Feel the fear and act anyway.

201

Say, bring it on.

202

Bring on the risk.

203

when a relationship dissolves

204

that they they have a tendency to to rate mental pain at a pretty significant level

205

it's it's slightly more than three on a one to seven scale of mental pain severity people actually looked at

206

that measured that

207

but it falls it falls much faster than you think your brain is designed to make you think

208

that when you're in pain is never going to go away.

209

The reason for that is because your brain wants you to avoid doing things that are painful to you.

210

These things are threats.

211

But you know beyond your just basic troglodyte limbic system that there's lots of things that you need to do.

212

And that means you need to understand that whereas your limbic system is saying this pain is permanent, it's lying to you.

213

It's transient.

214

And therefore, you will walk into a situation in which there is possible pain.

215

What do we know about

216

that three on a one to seven scale it goes down on average by about 0 .07 points on

217

that scale each week so

218

if you're a 3 .5 in pain after a breakup on average

219

you can expect to feel a little bit better each week where after six weeks

220

you're going to feel less than half as bad about it

221

and by that point less than half as bad is a pretty normal level of pain in your life

222

and you're probably going to be dating again and that's within six months

223

Let's get started.

Скачать приложение

Всё для свободной речи

ИИ-оценка произношенияОценка каждой фразы

Практика IPAОсвойте каждый звук

СловарьСоберите свой словарный запас

Игра со словамиУчитесь играя

Сканировать QR

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

Тот же канал

FOR YOU

Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

Этот урок разговорной практики построен на видео «3 Hard Truths About Finding the Right Person». Чаще всего повторяются слова: risk, learn, breakup, pain. В этом видео 223 предложений и 2596 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 13:32. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 192 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 86% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием.

Ключевая лексика этого видео

15 слов из видео, которые стоит выучить, с произношением и значением:

Слово	Произношение	Значение
painful прилагательное	/ˈpeɪn.fl̩/	боле́зненный, мучи́тельный
entrepreneur существительное	/ˌɑn.tɹə.pɹəˈnɝ/	предпринима́тель, предпринима́тельница
mature прилагательное	/məˈt͡ʃʊ(ə)ɹ/	зре́лый, взро́слый
protocol существительное	/ˈpɹoʊtəˌkɑl/	протоко́л
capitol существительное	/ˈkæp.ɪ.təl/	капито́лий
characteristic существительное	/ˌkæɹ(ə)ktəˈɹɪstɪk/	характе́рная черта́, отличи́тельная черта́
rejection существительное	/ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/	отка́з, отклоне́ние
ruin существительное	/ˈɹuː.ɪn/	руи́на, разва́лина
undergraduate существительное		студе́нт
startup существительное	/ˈstɑɹtˌʌp/	за́пуск, пуск
cortex существительное	/ˈkɔɹtɛks/	кора
anterior прилагательное	/ænˈtɪɹ.i.ɚ/	передний
topic существительное	/ˈtɑpɪk/	те́ма, предме́т
complicated прилагательное	/ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/	сло́жный, запу́танный
killer существительное	/ˈkɪlɚ/	уби́йца, ки́ллер

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Слово	Значение
turn out глагол	ока́зываться, оказа́ться
get over глагол	преодолева́ть, преодоле́ть
go up глагол	поднима́ться, подня́ться
come down to глагол	спадать до
figure out глагол	разбира́ться, разобра́ться
go away глагол	уходи́ть, уйти́
go down on глагол	соса́ть
grow up глагол	расти́, выраста́ть

Фразы, которые стоит повторять

Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:

That's the most entrepreneurial thing that you can do.
How'd it go with that woman that you were in love with?
She wasn't in love with me.
I said, thank me for what?
What should you be looking for?

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	have found · i've been · have studied
Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает	be rejected · is designed · is allowed
Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете	those who actually · women who didn · those who are

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Говорящий использует 83 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например you're, I'm, don't. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.

Звуки «sh» и «zh»: rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, unusual /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/, satisfaction /sætɪsˈfækʃən/, attraction /əˈtɹækʃn̩/, indication /ɪndɪˈkeɪʃən/
Длинные слова — следите за ударением: entrepreneur /ˌɑn.tɹə.pɹəˈnɝ/, characteristic /ˌkæɹ(ə)ktəˈɹɪstɪk/, anterior /ænˈtɪɹ.i.ɚ/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, unusual /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/

Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:

/w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/, subsequently /ˈsʌb.sɪ.kwənt.li/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/, willingness /ˈwɪlɪŋnəs/, repertoire /ˈɹɛp.əɹ.twɑɹ/
/h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: horrible /ˈhɔɹ.ɪ.bəl/, whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/, hostile /ˈhɑstəl/, behave /bɪˈheɪv/, unhealthy /ʌnˈhɛl.θi/
Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, solve /sɒlv/, whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/, courage /ˈkʌ.ɹɪd͡ʒ/, cognitive /ˈkɑɡ.nɪ.tɪv/

Как заниматься с этим видео

Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как painful, entrepreneur, mature.

Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

Техника шедоуинга: читать полное пошаговое руководство →

Практика Shadowing: 3 Hard Truths About Finding the Right Person - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

Выберите режим практики

Скачать приложение

Тот же канал

Escaping the Trap of Modern Life

Stop Letting Anxiety Hold You Back

What Makes Extroverts Scientifically Happier than Introverts?

The Surprising Reason Your Past Still Controls You

Stop Trying to “Let Go” of Anxiety. Do This Instead

My 6-Step Morning Protocol for a Better Day

How to Enjoy Your Life

The 4 Types of Careers, and How to Find Yours

Рекомендуемое видео

Bestselling Author Adam Grant on Why We're More Disconnected Than Ever

Why Love NEVER Lasts FOREVER

Stop Playing Small. Go All In.

How to Get Better at Love (According to Science) | Relationship Expert Amy Chan

Why Do We Stay in Relationships That Hurt Us?

Harvard Psychiatrist: 90% of Criticism is Just Projection | Dr. K

Why We Can't Save Those We Love

Are We Rejecting Them Because They’re Wrong—or Because We’re Unwell?

Command Your Life: The Neuroscience of Self-Worth & Power

The Dark Psychology of Value: Force Others to Respect - Alain de Botton

How to overcome depression | Jordan Peterson and Lex Fridman

Your Phone Is Destroying Your Sense of Meaning | Arthur Brooks [ARC 2026]