Практика Shadowing: They Chose Her Husband From a Photo - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео
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1
When he came home, he put the music on really loud, and I knew instinctively something was gonna happen.
2
And then he just told me, he said, if no one else, I mean, if he couldn't have me, no one else could have me either.
3
Then he just proceeded to strangle me, and he got me on the bed and proceeded to rape me.
4
And so my dad had come upstairs alone, and I told my dad, I said, dad, I said, he just had, he strangled me and he had raped me.
5
And my dad basically said, he's your husband.
6
He has every right to do that to you.
7
From a very early age, like we knew that one day we would get married.
8
Like we heard about arranged marriages, that this is like what happens to most Indian girls, if not all Indian girls.
9
And then so we knew our place.
10
So when we saw these Bollywood movies and what happened to girls and that this was our tradition and culture.
11
And then also like listening to my mom telling us or
12
when guests would come over and they would gossip
13
and talk about like that their 14 year old child was engaged to
14
so and so from India or to the boy who was Indian but in England.
15
Like I just knew that it was a matter of time.
16
Like if my friends were getting engaged, it was a matter of time.
17
And then out of the blue, all of a sudden, like one day, the same thing happened to me.
18
A man came over and he was a family friend.
19
This man, I remember he was downstairs and he brought a picture over.
20
I brought him the tea and everything.
21
And then him and my mom were looking at this picture and they were whispering.
22
And then I knew that they were like talking about me because they were like looking over at me.
23
After a little while, my mom brought the picture to me and said, what do you think?
24
This is a good looking boy.
25
He's very good looking.
26
He's very handsome.
27
And he's very well educated.
28
What do you think?
29
So I had like no clue this was about to happen.
30
I didn't know what was happening.
31
So I just like was looking at this picture and I didn't know like this is like someone I had to marry.
32
So I just said, he's okay.
33
And I don't think I put two and two together properly.
34
And so basically by my saying he was okay, which I really couldn't say anything else, I don't think at that time.
35
This is like how I got engaged.
36
It's like being shown this picture and it was the first picture I was like shown.
37
I wasn't like shown five different pictures.
38
So since I've been here in San Diego and I've talked to other people since then, some of my Hindu friends have told me that when they have their arranged marriages,
39
they were shown pictures like maybe five to seven pictures, even ten pictures.
40
and they could choose.
41
And that wasn't like my situation back in Bradford.
42
I was shown the first picture and really my upbringing, like I really couldn't say anything.
43
So I, you know, so two weeks later, the boy came over from India.
44
When did you connect that that picture was, I'm gonna bring someone to her, like was that person?
45
Did you know what being engaged meant?
46
I think like I didn't really, it didn't all click.
47
All I knew was that he was gonna try and find someone for me, but I think it was too quick for me.
48
When I just saw that picture, it wasn't discussed that this is what was happening.
49
So obviously, it all probably clicked later.
50
And so many things clicked even years later that could have probably clicked earlier, but I just didn't know.
51
I didn't know, for instance, I was engaged, and I think I only realized that years later.
52
But obviously, I realized that was a boy I was gonna marry, but I didn't know it was really engagement.
53
So I don't know like why all that didn't click till later on.
54
Maybe because I was 14, maybe because I wasn't expecting it.
55
I really don't know.
56
So yeah, so this is basically how it happened to me.
57
And so I had said yes.
58
And then so basically he was a matchmaker who found the boy that he knew from the Punjab in India.
59
And then two weeks later, the boy came over from India to England.
60
and then it was set up to for the meeting to happen at my uncle's house.
61
My uncle lived like a 10 minute walk away from us.
62
That's my mom's brother.
63
And I was told basically on that day by my mom, like how to behave, that I was just supposed to say only hello to the boy.
64
So I call him the boy, even though he was four years older than me.
65
So I was told like basically only to say hello to him and that were to pose for pictures.
66
And I'm supposed to like just smile
67
and I don't need to look at him or say anything to him again after that.
68
And so when we got to my uncle's house, that was basically what happened.
69
I looked at him and I said hello to him and he said hello.
70
And then we sat next to each other.
71
And then his brother came from Birmingham, which was about two hours away from Bradford.
72
His brother lived in Birmingham and he had just probably got married maybe a year or two years earlier.
73
So his wife was with him.
74
And so they both basically came up behind us and put their arms around our shoulders.
75
And we posed for pictures together with them as though we were one happy family.
76
But I didn't know them and I didn't know him.
77
But yet I was supposed to like pose for these pictures as though I'm happy or I'm part of their family.
78
So I didn't, like I said, none of us really clicked.
79
I just did as I was told.
80
And meanwhile, all the rest of my family, like there was a big gathering because I have a lot of family in England
81
and they're all having like chai and samosas and Indian sweets and other snacks.
82
And I could just like hear people like being happy and talking, but you know, I didn't like really know what was going on and just did as I was told.
83
And that was like my engagement party.
84
And again, I didn't realize till years later that that was my actual engagement party.
85
When did you realize, oh, this is the person I'm engaged to and I'm going to marry them?
86
I think it did probably click at that time, two weeks later, that I was going to get married to him.
87
Maybe not so much when I was looking at the picture two weeks before, but I think at that time it clicked, but it didn't click that it was like the engagement party.
88
Because again, nothing was described to me.
89
Oh, you're getting engaged today.
90
You know, this basically is your engagement.
91
Like nothing was ever like described to me.
92
You know, like, so I had to, like, guess or let my mind wander.
93
But, like, I was never told anything.
94
And so, so basically, yeah, we were engaged that way.
95
And then that was, after that meeting, he went back to Birmingham, where I think he was, like, there for a couple of weeks with his brother.
96
And then he went back to India.
97
Can you talk about your actual wedding day and what you remember about that?
98
Yes, so I'll probably just go into the lead way of like the actual wedding at 14.
99
So basically what happened after the engagement party is that a year later we went to India for, we were told it was a holiday.
100
And so it was on a six weeks break from school.
101
I think I was about 15 at that time when we went to India and it was six weeks.
102
And India was like just so completely different.
103
In the beginning, we really hated it.
104
Me, my brother and two sisters, we really hated it.
105
It was so completely different.
106
All the flies, and it was just like very, very different.
107
And we went to the Punjab, and there was sometimes the electricity went out.
108
There was no TV that you could always watch.
109
We slept outside.
110
And I mean, not really wanting to complain about it, because like after two weeks, we began to really like a lot of the aspects,
111
like how people would just gather together and life was simple, but you could still be like very happy just talking to people.
112
And, you know, it was a very simple life.
113
And then there, there was like people who would just come and do everything for you.
114
Like you couldn't like really raise a finger there to like, we didn't have to get up and wash the dishes there.
115
Like people would just do that because they had people there, like servants, which, you know, I wouldn't say it's a good thing, but that's like how it is.
116
But then after a couple of weeks, we had to go to the boys' village.
117
And I didn't even know that this was, like, you know, going to happen.
118
And again, like, when we went to his village, it was another engagement party that I found out really quickly.
119
It was another engagement party because, again, I had to pose for pictures.
120
I just still said only hello to him and bye when we were leaving.
121
And nothing else, like, no other words like i didn't sit alone with him
122
or talk to him or anything because again that couldn't happen
123
and i met his parents who didn't come to england for
124
that other engagement party so this was my way to meet them
125
and the rest of the family and then those you know lunch
126
that was served there and so we were the guests of honor
127
and they were obviously very happy and um so anyway
128
that was another engagement party which i didn't realize till like years later
129
and then it was also my mom's opportunity to buy the jewelry for my wedding
130
and to buy clothes as well like saris and things like
131
that and then also my brother who's a year
132
and a half older um he also got his arranged marriage
133
um it happened like well the picture for instance like he
134
saw the the picture of the person he was going to marry who also lived in the punjab
135
and he got to like meet her
136
but again same type of meeting as like mine where um he really didn't get to talk to her
137
and he actually said no he didn't want to get married
138
but it didn't matter you know so he actually spoke up
139
but it didn't matter like he was again just showing
140
that one picture and he you know he was engaged to from
141
that trip to india so my marriage was going to happen first even though he's a year
142
and a half older than me i had to get married first
143
and so basically
144
that trip i realized later on it wasn't really a holiday
145
it was like a business trip you know the business of arranged marriage.
146
That's what my mom really went primarily for.
147
I'm not saying that we didn't like have a holiday.
148
We had a little trip to the Taj Mahal in Agra
149
and that was nice and we went to shimla for two days
150
which was up in the himalayas and that was beautiful
151
so i'm really grateful for that experience
152
but the rest of it i think was really just to get like all the things done for the wedding
153
and then the next time you were in india was
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that the wedding no so i got married in denmark
155
so basically what happened was
156
when i got back from india uh we were there first like six weeks
157
and then I was still only like 15
158
so the years kind of like went by
159
and I realized as I was getting closer to the age
160
of 18 I didn't want to get married to him
161
and I used to read romance books right
162
so after I would do all my chores um making like all the dinner
163
and washing the dishes
164
and helping in the shop then I got like a job
165
um from an Indian restaurant owner he would come in and he he would see that we had made samosas.
166
And then before I knew it, I had this job of making samosas for him.
167
And my mom fortunately gave me the money, but basically about two or three times a week, I had to make 200 samosas and I got the money.
168
But I would read romance book, Mills and Boone books, and I would get lost in the romance, right?
169
And I would want what was happening in those stories to meet somebody.
170
And so I think I started reading those romance books from a very early age, But as those years were going by, I think I realized more.
171
Maybe my mind was maturing, and I thought, no, this is what I want.
172
I don't want to admire this stranger, because I didn't really know him.
173
I'd had a few phone calls with him where we spoke very brief words, and I didn't really want to talk to him, because I didn't know him, and I really had nothing to say to him,
174
so it was really awkward, and I passed the phone to my mom.
175
So really, I didn't really say that many words to him before my wedding.
176
I didn't know him at all.
177
When I was like 17, I told my mom that I don't want to get married and I want to go to college.
178
And then when I told my mom, I don't know why she even let me go for the interview, but when I told her and I got accepted to it, it would mean taking a train to get to Leeds or staying in Leeds,
179
which that was like a no-no because if I stayed there, then my mom wouldn't know like what I was doing or what I was up to.
180
And God forbid if I got up to things.
181
So my mom said, no, you know, you don't need to go to college.
182
You know, you're getting married when you're 18.
183
So I wasn't allowed to go to college.
184
And that kind of like really hurt.
185
And so since I left school at like an early age, back then in England, you could leave like at 16, 16 and a half.
186
And you could do two more years of college at school
187
or else you could go to a regular college but since I had left Bradford and we moved to Hull, then my options were either going to college in Hull,
188
which again, my mom didn't want me to go.
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The only thing I could do now was to run away as soon as I turned 18.
190
I just knew what I had to do.
191
So as soon as I turned 18, I knew it would happen very soon after that.
192
I went to like the bus station.
193
And so I bought a bus ticket to London,
194
And then I went into a taxi cab station at the office and I told them in person, I said, please on this day,
195
the same day as like the coach ticket to London, can you come to my shop?
196
But you can't come inside the shop because, you know, this is like a secret thing.
197
If you come in, you know, I'll be put in danger.
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I just explained it briefly.
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If you just park outside and I'll come outside at this time
200
and please don't come inside and so I was really scared
201
that day and I had my bags all packed
202
and I went down those stairs like really carefully because I knew like if my dad saw me or
203
anybody saw me I'd be in trouble
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and I wouldn't be able to get away
205
and I managed to get down those stairs and into
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that taxi and my heart was like beating really really fast
207
and I was driven to the coach station I got on
208
that coach and then same thing my heart was beating
209
so fast I was so nervous
210
and I thought are they following me did my dad see
211
like once I got in the taxi did did a customer from the shop tell my dad
212
that I just saw your daughter go into the taxi so I was so scared
213
and um my heart was like racing
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and I was like thinking what am I gonna do did
215
I do the right thing should I not have done this
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and I was so nervous
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and I felt like tears come to my eyes like just thinking
218
that I'm doing the wrong thing I'm gonna hurt my mom I'm gonna hurt my dad
219
and I really kind of like wanted to rewind time back
220
so I hadn't run away but anyway now I was on this bus
221
and then when I got to London like five hours later I got out of the bus
222
and I just uh walked around and London felt so different
223
and so strange so completely different and I got a taxi
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and I asked the taxi driver to take me somewhere you know like a cheap bed and breakfast
225
and he recommended a place to me he took me there
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I was in London for about two months first I stayed in bed
227
and breakfast and that was kind of expensive you know i soon went through about five thousand dollars
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or something that i had saved up from the youth training scheme and from making the samosas
229
so i also had a part-time job too
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because i knew like the money wasn't going to last and
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so i was paying for that bed and breakfast
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and then after a couple of weeks i moved to like a room in a house
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and so I was paying a little bit less.
234
At first I didn't make the call home
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but then after about two months I got homesick and I made a huge mistake.
236
I made that call home just to see if my mom was okay
237
and just to say hello to her and I shouldn't have made the call but when I did
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I was tricked into going back home.
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There's two phone calls.
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The first one my mom was like
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so disappointed like with me I could hear that she she wasn't excited to hear from me.
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She basically was just like really mad with me and um
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so i think like i hung up the phone a little bit after
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that but then i called back again and um i shouldn't have called back
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and i think by then i don't know
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if i had given my mom like the chance to come up with something
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but basically what happened was on
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that second phone call was i was told my grandma was really ill
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and i thought like it was my fault
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that i had made my grandma ill i was really close to my grandma
251
and so i you know felt very good And so I agreed to go back home.
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And my mom sent someone to come and get me from London.
253
It was like I wasn't trusted to go home alone.
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And so my auntie came, another auntie, and I went back on the train with her.
255
Long story short, basically I got home.
256
My grandma wasn't ill.
257
It was just a trick to get me back to coming home.
258
My grandma was perfectly well.
259
The guilt and pressure were put on me to marry the boy.
260
And my mom was very unhappy with me.
261
I could see that something had happened within her that now she had...
262
Even though we've never really been completely close, I feel like now she was really disappointed with me.
263
And this guilt and pressure were put on me.
264
And I was told, how can I do this to him?
265
How can I do this to his brother?
266
What about all the other people?
267
What are they going to say?
268
Like when I tried to put my foot down and say no to the wedding,
269
then finally I couldn't do anything because I knew they were all watching me in case I tried to run away again.
270
So I thought, okay, if I give in, I was told that the wedding was going to happen in Denmark where the matchmaker's daughter lived.
271
And because the boy had already been to England one time, like I said, all this guilt and pressure put on me.
272
So in the end, I decided that, okay, maybe since it's going to be Denmark, maybe I'll say yes, because now I only have to get away from one person,
273
from him, the person I was going to get married to.
274
The rest of my family will be in England.
275
It will be a lot easier for me because like now here in England, I'm surrounded by family and I can't do anything.
276
I can't run away again.
277
But there, I only have to get away from one person.
278
It doesn't make sense now when I think about it.
279
And I'm sure it doesn't make sense to anybody.
280
But back then, I was 18, still basically a child, you know, really.
281
And but that's what I chose to do.
282
And it was my own fault.
283
I said yes.
284
But I knew I would get away from him even before the marriage took place.
285
So anyway, then me and my mom went on the plane to Denmark.
286
and I remember on the trip over, she told me that she was very disappointed with me.
287
So here I am, given in to the marriage, not that I wanted to, still do it.
288
I gave in to make her happy and yet she's still not happy
289
and telling me on the way to Denmark
290
that she's still very disappointed in me and things will never be the same
291
and she'll never look at me again like the daughter that I was and how did I do this to her.
292
Out of all her children, she never thought I would be the one to do this.
293
The preparations for a wedding were coming up.
294
There was like parties going on and things like that.
295
Because, you know, Indian weddings can last like four or five days.
296
And then I remember girls like coming over and there'd be Mendy, you know, like they put the henna on the hand and then music and snacks and things like that.
297
And everybody was happy and giggling.
298
And I just felt like, why are they all happy?
299
And it seemed like no one noticed that I was not happy.
300
They didn't seem to care.
301
Nobody asked, like, are you happy to get married to him?
302
Anyway, then the wedding day happened
303
and same thing like I have like blocked out a lot of details
304
but um I remember like the ceremony
305
but not exactly what I wore I knew I wore red
306
and gold but I can't remember if I wore like the sari a linga
307
which is a long skirt and a top or
308
if I wore a sulwa kameez
309
which is a Punjabi style outfit I just remember I was wearing red and gold
310
because I think I blocked it out I didn't want to
311
remember the details all I remember is there was a reception afterwards dancing and everything and then I remember
312
that night and then being with him.
313
And I know from Bollywood movies, like how the parents or the mum rather, and sometimes sister or sister-in-law,
314
they stay out the door and they listen to see if like anything's happening.
315
And I kind of like felt like my mom and that matchmaker's daughter were outside the bedroom door listening.
316
And I felt like also that I had to go ahead with this because now I was married to him.
317
And it all didn't make sense, but I did what I was expected of me that night and I was like a virgin till that night.
318
So anyway, that was like what happened on the wedding night.
319
And I think they were outside the door and then we went on honeymoon.
320
And again, I felt like the honeymoon was all an act as well.
321
Like my mom asked me where I wanted to go and I chose Italy, Rome and Venice.
322
And we went there.
323
And then when we got to a hotel in Venice, I remember there was two beds
324
and I told him I would sleep on a separate bed
325
and even though I had already been with him but like I Decided now I didn't want to write.
326
I don't know why I did maybe because my mom
327
and The matchmaker's daughter was outside the bedroom door
328
But now in Italy on our own and there's two beds I could have gone to the lobby and complained, but why would I want to do that?
329
I didn't even want to be with him.
330
I didn't even want to be married to him So I didn't complain.
331
And then I told him, I said, you know, really, we should probably sleep separately till we begin to like know each other.
332
And he begrudgingly kind of like agreed.
333
But I don't think he was very happy about that.
334
And so we slept separately on our honeymoon in Venice.
335
It was a couple of nights when we were there
336
and the same thing in Rome as well when we went to Rome.
337
And then when we got back to Denmark, we had a studio that my mum had like arranged just before she went back to England.
338
She put the deposit down and we got back to Denmark.
339
And same thing, I told him I was going to sleep separate from him.
340
He wasn't happy about that.
341
And I think I told you my mom went back to England.
342
So it was just me and him.
343
We had moved out of the apartment with the matchmaker's daughter as soon as we came back from honeymoon.
344
And then about two weeks afterwards, I told him, two weeks after the wedding, basically, I told him I wanted to get a divorce.
345
He was not happy with that.
346
and he called my mom behind my back.
347
I knew that he called because he told me afterwards.
348
And about six weeks later, my dad showed up in Denmark and he tried to talk me into staying with him, giving him a chance, you know,
349
and I told him, no, dad, we're completely different.
350
He was very controlling, so I told my dad that we're very different, I don't want to be with him, and my dad was very upset and he knew I wasn't going to change my mind.
351
I don't know how he knew, but he knew.
352
So he went to a pub.
353
My dad was kind of like a...
354
He would often go to pubs in England and stay out all night.
355
And so whenever he went anywhere, he would look for the bar.
356
And so my husband went with him to a bar.
357
And then about an hour later or something, my husband came back alone.
358
And apparently, because when he came home, he put the music on really loud.
359
And I knew instinctively something was going to happen because we were on the top floor in this building in Copenhagen.
360
And there was about literally 100 steps, and you would open the door and then go down the hallway.
361
And ours was the last, like, studio apartment on the right.
362
And I just knew, like, that something was going to happen.
363
Like, he had the music on really loud, and I knew, like, there'd be very little chance of anyone hearing.
364
And so he put the music on loud, and then he just told me, He said if no one else, I mean, if he couldn't have me, no one else could have me either.
365
And then he just proceeded to strangle me.
366
And he got me on the bed and proceeded to rape me.
367
And I just knew.
368
I don't know how I knew.
369
But I knew that if I didn't act very fast,
370
that my life could be in danger that night because just him strangling me and what he was doing.
371
So I basically I said to him, I said, I'm really sorry.
372
I've been a really bad wife and I'm really I'm sorry.
373
I'm already like getting kind of like I can I can feel it.
374
But I told him I said, I've been a really bad wife and I am going to be so much better.
375
You know, please forgive me.
376
I should never have done this.
377
You know, now I'll be very different.
378
And he told me like, well, he relaxed his hands on my neck and he still proceeded to have his way with me.
379
So anyway, after it was done, he went to the bar to get my dad and told me he'd been back.
380
And I sat on the bed just getting myself together.
381
And I knew as soon as they got back, I was going to tell my dad what happened.
382
And so then when my dad came back, actually my dad came alone because my husband had gone to the shop
383
or something to get some milk and so my dad had come upstairs alone
384
and i told my dad i said dad i said he just had he strangled me
385
and he had raped me
386
and my dad basically said he's your husband he has every right to do
387
that to you and so i was so shocked
388
because this is my own dad the only person who was my family member in the strange country
389
and he did not want to help his own daughters
390
so i knew that night i had to get away from him
391
and from the evil monster husband who had done this to me and so
392
what i asked them if they wanted tea and this is
393
when my husband got back i asked if they wanted tea
394
and they said yes
395
so i went out on the other side of our studio apartment was a kitchen
396
and i put the water on and i don't know how
397
but like i managed to go back into the studio apartment grabbed my bag quickly they could have seen me
398
but i took that chance i grabbed the bag i went down
399
that hallway really really carefully softly and i made it through
400
that door and down those hundred steps
401
and again for the second time in my life i was running away
402
and again i felt that fear that they would come after me
403
and i made it down and i saw a taxi
404
and i went to a friend's house
405
and that's how i got away from him
406
and um i stayed at the friend's house
407
and then i did file a police report about the the rape
408
and uh that was all looked into and i filed for divorce
409
and the divorce took a while
410
and then a couple of weeks later i went with people from burger king who helped me
411
and they went to the apartment to get my things
412
and at that time i felt like these people were more of my family looking after me
413
so i wouldn't get hurt from my husband in case he was there
414
and i can never like really fully describe how
415
that means to me that some straight well not really strangers
416
but people who are not even families can sometimes care more about you
417
and your own safety than your own family and um so
418
that was like big for me and we went to the apartment
419
and unfortunately he had damaged all the walls he had scraped the walls
420
so i wouldn't get the deposit back
421
that my mom had paid he took all my things including the letter from buckingham palace
422
which i prized and other things
423
that you know my o-level certificates from school you know
424
that i had passed like my exams and everything like
425
that the things that were precious to me the new clothes
426
that my mom had bought me including leather pants leather jacket
427
jewelry he took all those things left a very few things behind
428
and so anyway i got the things and i stayed with
429
that friend and um i stayed in denmark for another year
430
and eventually i went to australia and spent a year in australia and then i moved to America.
431
You talked to your family at all after you left that last time?
432
I did and my mom like she would try to convince me to give him another chance and even
433
when I told her what happened she didn't seem to care
434
it was like he's your husband you know you need to
435
give him a chance you know you're married to him and
436
so it seemed like she was very cold
437
and didn't really care about what happened to me
438
when I told her that he's stolen my jewelry and clothes she didn't seem to care about that either
439
and so I had a couple of conversations with her and
440
when she realized
441
that I was not going to change my mind she stopped like really uh answering the calls
442
and so I stopped calling and then I was basically disowned
443
so for about a year and a half I didn't talk to my family
444
and that's when I was uh in Denmark for that whole time
445
and then plus Australia and
446
so yeah I um didn't see my family for a long time
447
and then over the years I have had a relationship again with my family um where you know,
448
even from Australia, I called or I wrote and then they've come to San Diego to visit me.
449
I've been back to England.
450
But basically what happened was in 2019,
451
I finally decided to volunteer to speak up about my story because going back actually 2010,
452
when I finally put myself through college and I graduated from San Diego State University at the age of 40.
453
I finally put myself through.
454
I tried for a very long time, like all the way from when I was in Washington DC, where I moved after New York.
455
I stayed in Washington DC for seven years and then I moved to San Diego in 1998.
456
And so I tried to put myself through college, but I had kids and it's very, very hard.
457
Once you're older and you have a full-time job
458
and you have kids like it's not easy like studying part-time
459
and working full-time and so now I always tell my kids
460
because I have three kids now
461
and I tell them first you know you go to school
462
and then college and then marriage afterwards so I've learned you know
463
and I try and like teach them these lessons of like what I've gone through but basically
464
when I was in San Diego State University a teacher once
465
asked us like why are you in college at this time in your life
466
and that's when I told them that I wanted to go to college
467
but my mom didn't let me because she wanted me to get an arranged marriage
468
and I saw the look of shock on the students faces.
469
I didn't do this deliberately.
470
I was one of the older students in the class
471
and they were shocked and my teacher was shocked
472
and he said the next class I had to expand on my story
473
and I was so nervous because I didn't like public speaking at all.
474
I used to get like really frozen up and And so I was really scared.
475
And so the next class, I actually talked about it.
476
And I didn't tell the whole story like what I am today.
477
But I talked for about five, six minutes.
478
And afterwards, they all told me, oh, my gosh, thank you so much for making us aware of this.
479
We had no idea.
480
And then I think I realized back in 2010 that this was something very strange, that people here in San Diego didn't know that this happened.
481
But yet everybody in Bradford or in England knows
482
that these arranged marriages happen and girls are denied their rights to an education.
483
And I felt how come people don't know?
484
And so I think like that's when I started on social media in the beginning.
485
Like first, I wanted to be a, you know, home based travel agent because maybe because my love of travel, working for that travel agency.
486
And so that's what I did.
487
I think I'm a bit of an entrepreneur at heart, maybe having that shop in England and my parents had a shop.
488
And so I decided for about a year to try that.
489
And so I was doing that.
490
And then I think I was trying to promote my home-based travel agency in the beginning on social media.
491
But I kind of slowly ventured into, like, looking for, like, different things about child marriage and forced marriage.
492
And back then, people were not really talking that much about it.
493
Very, very few people.
494
And so I started to join in those conversations
495
and I started to tell my own story and I saw other stories of very few people who were talking about it, but their stories were just like my story.
496
It happened to them when they were 14.
497
And so my heart broke by listening to their stories because I thought it was just like my story.
498
And I felt their pain as it was my own pain.
499
And so since then, I've been on social media talking about forced marriage and child marriage since 2010.
500
And it was 2019
501
when I finally got the courage to volunteer for a South Asian organization who encourages people to tell their stories.
502
So I volunteered.
503
And back then, people still were not talking about arranged marriages.
504
So I think my story was a shock to people.
505
And I practiced and practiced and practiced because they helped us, like, practice for this.
506
and told my story at the University of San Diego back in 2019 to an audience of, I don't know how many there were, like maybe 200 people.
507
And by that time, I don't think I was that nervous because I had practiced so much.
508
And so many people came up to me, Indian people, and told me that they had experienced a little bit of what I experienced.
509
Like women came up to me and told me and I knew then it was like really important.
510
So I tried to like since then volunteer to do like public speaking or tell my story wherever I can.
511
And then it was then that my mom, I think she finally saw on Facebook some of my posts because I guess I wasn't too smart.
512
And she realized that I was talking about my own story.
513
And then she disowned me back in 2019.
514
But I was still talking to the rest of my family.
515
But then I was also working on my book at that time.
516
and I got like a little bit held back with my book because of this public speaking.
517
And then finally, when during the pandemic, I finished my book.
518
And so I wrote my book finally and it's forced to marry him.
519
And I have also won three different awards, as you'll see on the book cover.
520
And so my book is on Amazon and it's in paperback, ebook and audiobook.
521
But anyways, when I released this book in November 2021 is when the rest of my family also disowned me, my brother and my two sisters.
522
Unfortunately, even though this happened to my brother
523
and even though it happened to one of my sisters who was a year and a half year, year and a half younger than me, it happened to her too.
524
And so they know what I'm saying is true
525
and yet they said I'm lying and I just don't understand this
526
and I don't know if it's because they live at home in England
527
and they just have to support my mum but also this is a very difficult thing to do.
528
Nobody wants to do this.
529
You don't want to talk out about your parents
530
and a lot of people don't do this like from my culture
531
because then you get disowned and so people either wait till their family passes away
532
which i could have done that
533
but do i want to wait till i'm 80 years old to tell my story
534
because i think when i finally realized like back in 2010 i realized
535
that this was something that i had to share with the world
536
because if i can help one other person to not go through what i went through it's all worth it
537
and i think i started taking all these steps and every time I realized from people's like comments that this really helps.
538
And a lot of people said to me, are you going to write a book?
539
So I first thought I couldn't do it because I had no time.
540
I was working full time.
541
And then I saw other people were writing like their books or whatever.
542
And I thought I have to do this.
543
And so, but yeah, if you wait till you're 80 to tell your story, then who do you help basically?
544
And I realized to become my authentic self, I had to like take these steps.
545
So this is basically, you know, my story.
546
I wrote my book and now I'm disowned from my family.
547
But, you know, again, I wouldn't change it.
548
I didn't mean to like hurt my mom telling my story, but it's my story and I have told the truth and this is what happened to me.
549
And I know my mom didn't do this deliberately to me.
550
I know it's tradition and culture and this is what happened to her.
551
But somewhere along the line, we have to break the cycle of abuse until somebody breaks that cycle.
552
It can carry on.
553
And why do we want to keep doing this to our daughters?
554
I'm not going to do this to my daughters.
555
And today I'm like really happy to say my oldest daughter, who's 29, she is amazing.
556
Like she went to UC Davis, she went to Johns Hopkins, and then she went to Columbia University.
557
And now she's got a great job as a nurse practitioner.
558
And she's been able to travel.
559
And guess what?
560
I am so proud of her.
561
She's living her life.
562
She had that dream.
563
I went to college late in life, but I didn't live the college life that you can live here in America, but she's lived that life, you know, on campus.
564
And so I live like my life through her sometimes and she's done traveling.
565
And so you can do all this, you know, when you do things the right way too, you don't have to do it the way that happened to me, where you have to get married first and then do things later.
566
No, it shouldn't be that way because by making us get married at an early age and depriving as of education, which is happening to so many girls, you're destroying their lives.
567
You're not letting them advance.
568
If you go to college when you're 40, then you face with like age discrimination when you graduate at 40.
569
There's very few opportunities like that.
570
I should have got my opportunities at, you know, 22 or something when I you know, if I graduated early, you don't get those same opportunities at 40.
571
I'm not saying my life was over, but it's so much easier to go to college.
572
Like when you're younger, when your brain and your mind is still fresh
573
and you're able to take all those things in and you don't have kids, you know, that you also have to look after.
574
So, yeah, I try and tell all these things to my kids.
575
They know my story. And yeah.
576
And then so we have to break the cycle of abuse.
577
We have to tell our stories.
578
We have to try and prevent other girls from going through this because it's still happening.
579
False marriage and child marriage are happening to girls all around the world.
580
I know it's still happening.
581
the UK's criminalized forced marriage.
582
I think back in, I think it was 2014, they criminalized it.
583
So they're like 10 steps ahead of the US in that.
584
Only some states have criminalized forced marriage here and child marriage is still going on here.
585
Believe it or not, people think it's not happening, but only 17 states have actually raised the marriage age to 18.
586
And California, where I live and where I've lived since 1998, has not raised the marriage age.
587
We tried, like, so I volunteer for an organization called Unchained at Last, and they're, like, really great.
588
Like, they have been instrumental in raising the marriage age to 17.
589
And when they've tried it, like, a couple of times in the past, I don't know, legislators kind of, like, just block it from happening.
590
I don't know why this happens, but it seems like they're scared or there's reasons why they don't want this to happen.
591
But anyway, now there's a new bill that's coming from the legislators again it's AB 1267
592
and so California has another chance and I hope anybody who's listening to this, especially if you're in California, please write to your legislators because this should not be happening.
593
It's often not the child that wants this marriage, it's the parents who are coercing their kids into marriage and
594
when the judge sees that the parents have signed off onto the papers, the judge will sign off thinking the parents have the best interests of a child at heart.
595
But really, as you know from my story, parents are doing this for tradition and culture and not for the best interests of their child.
596
So there's so many kids out there who are going through this
597
and people need to know that this has got to stop.
598
And even if there's very few cases of love marriage going on with 17 year olds, they don't need to get married when they're 17.
599
Because if you don't change the law, just for that small minority of people, you're destroying the lives of so many other people, so many other kids.
600
So we have to protect our kids
601
and this is not how we're going to protect them if we let them get married at an early age.
602
Because again, just one other thing that people don't know is that, you know, well, I mean, everybody knows that we can't get like, we can't smoke in this country,
603
we can't drink, we can't take care when we're 21 and we can't vote till we're 18.
604
But yet they're allowing kids to get married, but yet they're not allowing them to get divorced
605
because no divorce attorney is going to take on a minor who is 16
606
or 17 and wants to to get divorced because they're going to say, no, you're not an adult, you're a minor.
607
And then no domestic violence shelter will take a child that's
608
trying to run away from their husband at the age of 17.
609
Like, let's say there's violence or the girl is unhappy, or they realize that this is something they definitely don't want to continue in.
610
You know, so like no domestic violence shelter will take them because they're a minor.
611
So how are we putting them into these situations at age 16
612
or 17 and yet they can't get out of these situations till they're 18.
613
This is like a trap and it's wrong.
614
And then just think of all the underage girls who are put into the situation
615
and every night they are forced to go to bed with somebody who is attacking them
616
and practically like raping them every night.
617
And it's like a get out of jail free card because
618
if you do that to a child and let's say you're not married, it's against the law, it's a crime.
619
But yet if people are getting married
620
and let's say it's a 40 year old man with a 17 year old
621
or a 16 year old then you know they're not going to get into trouble
622
because now they're married and so we're legalizing this to happen
623
and this has got to stop so again i really like will hope
624
that people will write to their legislators and um
625
that things will change in california and ab1267 will pass so
626
that child marriage is uh like banned
627
and the marriage age is raised to 18 i still think
628
that 18 is like way too young because I got married at 18 and I, you know, still really a child.
629
It should really like not happen until someone's past the age of 21, but I'm willing to let it be 18.
630
It's so much better than 16 or 17.
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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку
Этот урок разговорной практики уровня B2 построен на видео «They Chose Her Husband From a Photo». В этом видео 630 предложений и 8346 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 40:48. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 205 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 86% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием.
Ключевая лексика этого видео
Самые сложные слова из видео (15), с произношением и значением:
| Слово | Произношение | Значение |
|---|---|---|
| arrange глагол | /əˈɹeɪnd͡ʒ/ | устра́ивать, устро́ить |
| taxi существительное | /ˈtæksi/ | такси́, таксомото́р |
| disown глагол | /dɪsˈoʊn/ | отрека́ться, отре́чься |
| samosa существительное | /səˈmoʊsə/ | самса́ |
| strangle глагол | /ˈstɹæŋɡəl/ | подавля́ть, подави́ть |
| grandma существительное | /ˈɡɹænmɑː/ | ба́бушка, бабу́ся |
| proceed глагол | /pɹəˈsid/ | продвига́ться, продви́нуться |
| legislator существительное | /ˈlɛd͡ʒɪˌsleɪtə/ | законода́тель, законода́тельница |
| honeymoon существительное | /ˈhʌn.iˌmuːn/ | медо́вый ме́сяц |
| scare глагол | /skɛɚ/ | пуга́ть, испуга́ть |
| pose глагол | /poʊz/ | озада́чивать, озада́чить |
| criminalize глагол | криминализова́ть | |
| jewellery существительное | /ˈd͡ʒʊ-/ | ювели́рные изде́лия, драгоце́нности |
| guilt существительное | /ɡɪlt/ | вина́, вино́вность |
| auntie существительное | /ˈæn.ti/ | тётенька, тётушка |
Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите
| Слово | Значение |
|---|---|
| run away глагол | сматываться, убега́ть |
| come over глагол | подскочить, подъехать |
| go back глагол | возвраща́ться, возврати́ться |
| go down глагол | спуска́ться, спусти́ться |
| call back глагол | перезвонить |
| come back глагол | возвраща́ться, возврати́ться |
| come up глагол | поднима́ться, подня́ться |
| come up with глагол | придумывать, приходить в голову |
Фразы, которые стоит повторять
Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:
- What do you think?
- I didn't know what was happening.
- I wasn't like shown five different pictures.
- Did you know what being engaged meant?
- How can I do this to his brother?
Грамматика в этом видео
Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:
| Конструкция | В видео |
|---|---|
| Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат | If you come in, you know, I'll be · If you just park outside and I'll come |
| «Used to» used to + глагол — прошлая привычка или состояние, которых больше нет | used to read · used to get |
| Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас | I've been · we've never really been · have had |
| Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает | being shown · were shown · was shown |
Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание
Говорящий использует 221 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например didn't, don't, I'm. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.
- Звуки «sh» и «zh»: practitioner /pɹækˈtɪʃənəɹ/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/
- Длинные слова — следите за ударением: legislator /ˈlɛd͡ʒɪˌsleɪtə/, instinctively /ɪnˈstɪŋktɪvli/, deliberately /dɪˈlɪb.(ə.)ɹət.li/, audiobook /ˈɔdi.oʊbʊk/, practitioner /pɹækˈtɪʃənəɹ/
Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:
- /w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: hallway /ˈhɔlˌweɪ/, rewind /ɹiːˈwaɪnd/, wander /ˈwɑndɚ/, whisper /ˈ(h)wɪspɚ/, anyways /ˈɛn.iˌweɪz/
- /h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: honeymoon /ˈhʌn.iˌmuːn/, hallway /ˈhɔlˌweɪ/, unhappy /ʌnˈhæpi/, homesick /ˈhoʊ̯m.sɪk/, whisper /ˈ(h)wɪspɚ/
- Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: arrange /əˈɹeɪnd͡ʒ/, proceed /pɹəˈsid/, pose /poʊz/, upstairs /ˌʌpˈstɛɹz/, stairs /ˈstɛɹz/
Как заниматься с этим видео
- Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
- Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
- Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как arrange, taxi, disown.
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.