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We're back!

We're back and we're better.

No, we're not.

But we're trying to be.

We are better.

Yeah.

Because we're glowing and growing.

Hi, guys.

I'm Anne.

And I'm Anne.

And together, we're Anne.

Welcome to this episode of Wait, What?

Today's episode is going to be about modern day dating.

why do we feel like we should talk about this topic well it's definitely something

that we're not experiencing we don't lie on this part okay

well you're right we don't we don't we don't lie

because lying is a sin yes actually it is it is we actually wanted to talk about modern day dating

because we've talked a lot about self-care, about healing, about our past relationships, how that has built our character.

And you know what?

When you're building character, sometimes you need to explore other options and get to know different people in different situations.

Well, I think dating, especially...

Okay, modern-day dating is a different thing, but I think dating is really important

because it allows you to figure out what you like

and what you don't like so you know not to settle in the future.

Yes.

So, but modern day...

Sorry, I got a message.

Say it again.

Are you distracted?

Talk about modern day dating.

We're working.

Sorry, I just put my phone on.

Do not disturb now.

I don't need to do that because nobody sends me messages anyway.

Anyways, okay, back to the topic.

Modern day.

No, basically what I was saying was that like, okay, after everything we've been through now is something we want to talk about

that is relatively new yes

and i feel like everyone can kind of relate in their own way because modern dating is so

it's such a foreign concept to me i'm tired tired

and also very confusing especially

when you're mixing the different generations who are you talking to i'm just i'm just speaking in general

from a third party looking in to a certain a certain

party look dating a different generation is a whole different topic

yes well it's really not actually it's quite modern day dating

okay we're not making any sense right now we're going in circle what is modern day dating okay

so i think modern day dating is combining like

so many different personalities plus social media plus like this work from home this whole flexibility

and work and trying to make a relationship build organically and naturally

when the reality is I don't think it works the same

way it used to work like in our parents time for example for sure we have um commitment issues

I feel like yeah a lot of people have commitment issues not because they don't want to commit

Or maybe that is one reason.

Or another reason is because they're afraid of getting hurt.

Yeah.

So they're protecting themselves and settling for very surface level relationships

so that they can avoid that deeper connection and then avoid getting hurt in the end in case it doesn't work out.

But is that really a relationship if you think about it?

Because isn't a relationship about sharing vulnerability, sharing like the hardships, the good, the bad.

And it's also like making that choice to choose each other every single day, even though there are days where you're like, why am I talking to this person?

Something wrong with the throat, my friend.

I'm a little sick.

No, but I feel like every situation works differently for each couple or couples or throuple, whatever works for you.

But I do feel like it limits us from these deeper connections

because we're settling and with all of these external noises and validations and things that we look for,

we forget that, you know, commitment is important.

Loyalty is important.

Consistency is key.

Okay, let me ask you this.

What have you experienced now that you think you can label as like modern day dating?

How are you maneuvering through it right now?

I am not maneuvering.

She's traumatized.

Traumalized.

Do you want me to go first?

Yeah.

Suddenly, there's something wrong with my throat.

Okay, so going through, like, I've been single for a year now, right?

And I think I've, I don't want to say I've dated my few share of people, but I've gone on a few dates and I've learned about, you know, different people.

And I have found that everyone, like we said, seems to have like a real commitment issue.

Like it always tends to lead to like a situationship where they really like you, but they're not ready to give you that full commitment.

But I've also found that even when I don't really have the commitment issue myself,

I'm starting to have it now because it's true like the there's

so many options and the ability to connect with people is

so rare so when i actually like found that person

that i felt like oh my god like i connect with him

so well and it's so rare and it's so real i reflect back

and i'm like is it actually rare and real

when this is just the first person that's opened up to you

because no one else seems to want to open up

when you're dating anybody and i feel like you can't really get to know people

if you don't share your vulnerability yeah

so i found it to be really tiring and also just

so superficial and

so surface level like everyone's really here for a good time not a long time yeah

and i am one of those people

no um i have now officially been single for one year yes um congratulations happy anniversary

and within that year I felt like I went through a lot of ups

100

and downs emotional roller coasters a lot of emotional battles with myself on what I wanted for myself

101

and from a partner or from a person that I was seeing

102

and actually I was seeing someone for a while and and Go on.

103

He was like textbook the perfect guy.

104

Like he was such a great guy.

105

But I started to realize a lot of unhealthy habits

106

that I had that I'd kind of dragged on from my previous relationship that I still had to unlearn.

107

And it kind of like it came out when I was with him

108

because it was so healthy that I got paranoid that it's too good to be true.

109

Self-sabotage.

110

Yes.

111

This has been an ongoing topic, self-sabotage, since EP1.

112

Six months later, growing in Chloe.

113

Yep.

114

But then I realized that sometimes someone can be

115

so great for you and give you everything that you need or everything that you want.

116

But sometimes you're the one that's not ready.

117

And actually the healthy thing to do is to realize that

118

and to take a step back for yourself yeah now i i completely understand you now um yeah

119

so do you believe like right person wrong time maybe yes

120

and i also believe in right person but wrong mindset because i think sometimes

121

the more we want something the more we look for it

122

and then the less it comes to us so i'm

123

so i was like i'm healing i'm healing i want to find this guy this guy this guy

124

and then when it comes you're like oh yeah

125

but do you think there was a part of you

126

that also wanted to enjoy being single for a

127

while as well yes i think i owed it to myself to be single

128

and to get to know myself as a person without someone in my life

129

because i've never had like a big gap between my relationships

130

and then this guy came along and he was just like the perfect guy great everything everything was perfect.

131

But the timing was just not right.

132

I didn't know who I was.

133

I didn't know where I wanted to be in my life to the point where like the habits

134

that I was giving off was toxic and unhealthy.

135

And I was the red flag.

136

I mean, I look back now

137

and I don't think you were the red flag in

138

that sense because you were quite aware that your toxic traits were coming out.

139

And like there there are moments where you're like, okay, I don't know if it's me because I feel this way

140

or if it's me because I'm used to this certain type of treatment

141

so I think again because you hadn't had your time alone you couldn't really figure out

142

which was which yeah and I think that's where like right person wrong mindset comes in

143

because sometimes you you want it but mentally you're not there yet

144

and you can't give that person what they deserve you and

145

but you also can't be selfish yeah and sometimes it doesn't work out the way you want

146

but if it's meant to be it will be remember

147

that ladies if it's meant to be you will be yes i feel like the message

148

that i want to give is just like don't waste your time looking for something

149

or like not looking but like don't want it so bad

150

because when you want it and you grab onto it for

151

so long and it's it's not gonna come organically

152

and it's not gonna come

153

when you need it the most i feel like once you stop looking

154

and once you but but say

155

and you just let life happen what's meant for you will come at the right time

156

when your energy is right where are my crystals

157

okay so can i can i ask you to be a therapist to me then yes

158

because i give really good advice she actually gives really good advice but she sucks at taking her own advice

159

i met someone yes he came at a time where i i was

160

so good on my own i was like in my routine i was working i was doing my thing

161

and all of a sudden he comes

162

and he's like this perfect guy everything i ever wanted in

163

a man right super emotionally intelligent athletic funny golden retriever dorky smart yes i got it all yeah

164

but my instinct was to run yes as always as as

165

always what would you say to me now given everything you know about him

166

and everything you know about me would you say it's right first

167

and wrong time or would you say

168

that it's another thing of like modern day dating like i'm settling

169

because it's the first person i've had the connection with

170

so like i've talked to you about this a lot

171

and i realized

172

that one of the similarities we have in our like this relationship you're talking about right now

173

and the one that i was just previously talking about is

174

that um these two people came into our lives as like

175

the first people we really well exclusively dated um after a very toxic relationship

176

and for me at least i felt like because he was

177

that person that was giving me everything

178

that i wanted in a healthy relationship i was like oh it can't get better than this yeah

179

so i was too scared to allow myself to open my my my like

180

but i my heart sounds so cheesy

181

when you say it in english um like i didn't allow myself to explore not explore options

182

but just to meet new people that are actually good people

183

and so i wouldn't say it's settling

184

but it was more like i'm scared i can't do better than this

185

so i'm gonna stay with what i'm comfortable with okay my argument against

186

that right is but do you feel like that's our

187

toxic mindset on modern day dating because we also know that there's so many options out there because

188

if you look back in like the old days people met

189

through work people met through school people met through uni we

190

have not the the two men we've dated we met through friends

191

but friends of friends the ability

192

because we have social media yeah i feel like it's not

193

a it's not our toxic trait in the sense of like

194

modernity i think we're just scared i think that's what it

195

is it's It's the fear of having to look elsewhere

196

and the fear of allowing ourselves to let go of what we're comfortable with right now.

197

Because you're comfortable, you're happy, you have everything that you want.

198

Why would you look anywhere else?

199

But you know that there are people that are amazing out there.

200

We just haven't met them yet.

201

But they're amazing.

202

yeah and maybe they're the lesson for us to realize

203

that there are amazing people out there some people come into your lives not to stay yeah

204

but they come to teach you a lesson

205

and they come to show you a wider perspective on life the one

206

that sets your standard higher exactly

207

so you never settle again exactly exactly like i do get

208

like moments where i think back i'm like oh like this

209

person would like in a negative situation like this person would never do this

210

or in this situation i'd like i missed this

211

because this is the standard now

212

and i think it's a blessing in disguise even though like it's not the relationship you have right now

213

but it also makes you realize that this is how i'm meant to be treated

214

or what i want which leads you to start dating with intentions with purpose with more clarity

215

because you have that experience of like safe yeah

216

because i think with both the guys

217

that we've dated i don't think we've ever felt so safe yeah

218

and like a girl like a girl like we were in

219

such like feminine energy without even realizing it you know our voices like went higher yeah we would never pick

220

that up like we like i remember you always saying to me like i don't use my brain

221

when i'm with you don't i just kind of like you

222

know those tiktoks where the guy is like left on the right there's a dog over there

223

and then the girl is like that was yeah that was me

224

that was us that was us that was us

225

so um i think like going through dating i've learned

226

that like now as i keep dating until i find my

227

person it's it's to do it with intention it's to do it with clarity

228

because you've gone through the good guy the really really really good guy

229

that you could have ended up with yeah um to now knowing

230

that this is the standard and i will not settle for less

231

but again the importance of dating like people can call you a hoe

232

or you know what i mean like they can call you all these different things

233

but if you actually look back

234

and realize what has dating done for you it's all of this it's actually learning more about yourself

235

and your values and your self-value yeah i really i really think dating is important in this age

236

if you do it with intention.

237

Yeah and I feel like being single

238

and allowing yourself to get to know yourself better also helps with

239

that whether you're dating or not when you're in

240

that process of being responsible for yourself you start to realize

241

what your boundaries are you start to realize what your standards are

242

because you're treating yourself so well you're treating your friends well

243

and why would you settle for anything less than what you can give yourself.

244

Or what you can give me.

245

Exactly.

246

Because you're my baby.

247

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

248

I have a question.

249

Okay.

250

I think a lot of people are curious about our opinions on this too.

251

Situationships.

252

I was just about to bring it up.

253

Situationships are...

254

Okay, wait.

255

But there's, in this day and age, situationships.

256

There's friends with benefits.

257

There's concui, which are three completely different things.

258

There's someone, there's dating.

259

And then there's dating.

260

And that's so confusing.

261

I don't even know what the difference is.

262

Where do you draw the line between each one?

263

Like when you're friends with benefits, then you only see each other for whatever benefit it is.

264

Okay.

265

And then there's friends with benefits where you see each other.

266

But when you're together, you're super couple-y.

267

It's more than just sex.

268

And then is that a situationship?

269

But is that a situationship?

270

But you don't talk in day-to-day life.

271

It's just when you see each other, you're super couple-y, you talk about the deepest things.

272

But only when you're together.

273

And then there's situationships where you're pretty much like you're together, but there's no label on it.

274

And then you don't have the responsibility of being exclusive or boyfriend and girlfriend.

275

And then there's dating, which is you're seeing each other, you're dating each other.

276

But you're not boyfriend and girlfriend.

277

But you're not boyfriend and girlfriend.

278

But you're technically together.

279

Yeah.

280

And then there's Konkui, which is like the person who keeps you company.

281

Like there's nothing there, but it's like you're just talking and being.

282

Yeah.

283

So where do you draw the line between each, what is it even called?

284

Stages?

285

I don't, I don't.

286

I don't even know.

287

I think people will know how confused we are right now.

288

Because when is it considered too much of one thing to be considered another thing?

289

Okay, I think first, situationship, no go.

290

I think situationship is just two people

291

or one person with a commitment issue who doesn't know how to voice it and wants to take advantage of your company, your energy, your aura.

292

But what if...

293

Okay, okay.

294

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

295

But what if those two people agreed that they didn't want anything more and they like this situationship situation?

296

But do you actually think it works?

297

But it doesn't have to work right now because you're not looking for a future with that person.

298

It's like a companion placeholder.

299

Holy fk, this is confusing.

300

So is it a friend with benefits?

301

Because then you don't like, well, because you're friends and you're having sex.

302

Yeah, but then it's the same thing as a situationship where like when you're together, you're acting very couple-y.

303

So it's a situationship.

304

Is a situationship considered a friend with benefits?

305

With, but friends with benefits, you're not talking outside of the benefits.

306

I'm going to ask Chad.

307

God, God. So what's the...

308

You start to realize how old you are when you don't know these things.

309

What's the difference between friends, friends with benefits and a situationship.

310

I call chat GPT Chad is basically her boyfriend.

311

Basically.

312

Yeah.

313

Great question.

314

The two overlap, but has some key differences.

315

Friends with benefits foundation starts with friendship.

316

There's an actual bond history or mutual trust beyond sex focus.

317

The friendship remains the priority with sex as an add on.

318

So how is that different to a relationship?

319

Because I feel like a relationship now is just your best friends

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that have sex

321

and you share anyways expectations usually an understanding of no romance meaning you're not moving towards commitment

322

but you still value each other outside the bedroom clarity often

323

clearer boundaries since both people agree it's friendship plus intimacy not dating okay wait

324

so yeah i feel like yes i agree

325

but the common understanding is not

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that yes i don't even know how i'm talking okay okay

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okay okay okay okay situation ship foundation starts with attraction or dating energy, not necessarily friendship.

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The focus is emotionally and physically involved, but without labels or clear direction.

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Expectations, ambiguous.

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There's usually some emotional connection, maybe even with exclusivity, but without defined commitment or progression.

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Clarity, murky.

332

It feels like more than friends with benefits, less than a relationship.

333

You share couple-like moments, but also uncertainty.

334

God, I hate being single sometimes but is it because is it

335

because you don't want to go forward in that or is it

336

because you don't know i mean the the the underlining thing like the common thread within all of it is

337

the emotions involved yes and how you communicate

338

that with the other person yes

339

because that's how you go from one thing to the other right from a situation ship to like a relationship

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or from dating to a relationship everything involves communicating your boundaries what you want

341

and really being honest with yourself but you know how i feel like most relationships situationships end ghosting

342

oh bitch like it's just ghosting ghosting ghosting

343

because you don't have the clear boundary you don't have to communicate it's mercury it's a gray area

344

and also because the foundation wasn't friendship

345

so you don't owe anyone like an apology

346

or you don't owe them any form of relationship yeah

347

so the respect is not there aha there we go i think they're getting somewhere

348

so we're bringing it down yes

349

and what about those relationships where you meet someone overseas

350

and then you spend like an amazing few days with them

351

and no no it happens a lot yeah it really does

352

like your your vacation romance every summer like every summer or in hong kong

353

okay hong kong ended up being the love of my life

354

at the wrong time hong kong ended up me getting ghosted

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hong kong was very different for the both of us

356

but i had

357

so much fun in hong kong yeah hong kong was really

358

basically like there's those types of relationships too right the one

359

i had in hong kong yours turned out to be something more genuine more real yeah

360

but you have this really intense connection with someone for four days

361

and you're together like 24 7 real

362

and said it real boyfriend energy true they were like in

363

their own world like the way they looked at each other

364

we were we were obsessed with each other those four days

365

and then after that nothing anyways anyways um what what do you what do you call

366

that is that a situation ship i don't know um a fling is

367

that still a thing but a fling with that deep of a connection where he said, I haven't met anyone like you in a really long time.

368

It's called lying.

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Back to reality.

370

It's called being a guy.

371

Back to reality.

372

Okay.

373

So with all of these, like, friends with benefits, situationships, kouin koui, do you think people are in relationships less now

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because the other options are more favored because people are

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so guarded with their emotions and don't seek deeper connections with people because it's less of a responsibility.

376

Yes.

377

Yeah.

378

Yes.

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And I will admit that I'm one of them now

380

because I'm so self-aware that I know that when I commit to someone, I'm so committed.

381

Because you're a lover girl.

382

I'm a lover girl.

383

So I feel like at the same time, I need to respect myself to know that if I'm going to commit to someone, they have to be one fully in with me

384

and I need to be in a position where I'm okay with myself financially, career-wise.

385

I have my shit together pretty much because I know that once I give them something, parts of myself will have to kind of take a step back naturally because you care about this other person.

386

You want to make their life easier, and I'm sure they feel the same way.

387

But do I wish I was in love and had love?

388

Yes, but it's not going anywhere.

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I know I have love within me, and I know I have love to give, but I got to pour into my own cup first.

390

And that's why I at least lean towards that.

391

I think other people had their own reasons.

392

Like, what's yours?

393

The thought of a relationship right now gives me the ick.

394

Like, I don't know.

395

I think I'm so happy with myself and where I'm at, the freedom that I have,

396

that I just want to protect my peace and not give that away to anyone just yet.

397

And I think this realization came after I was seeing that guy.

398

And I realized that a relationship was too much for me mentally and emotionally.

399

And I wasn't ready for that kind of big step yet.

400

and within that I think I was so pressured by myself

401

that like by the timeline of life

402

that I gave myself like at this age I want to

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be married at this age I want to have a kid at this age blah blah

404

and I feel like I kind of let

405

that go I do still want to have my first kid by 35

406

but everything else I realized like you don't need like technically

407

you don't need a husband to have a kid like you can still do everything by yourself

408

but I feel like once I let that go

409

my approach to relationships kind of chilled out a little bit yeah and now i'm also like you leave

410

pineapple because sneeze is

411

that a thing you say pineapple what are you gonna see okay sorry i've never heard of

412

that but anyways um

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and that's why i feel like now i'm also leaning more towards like situations relationships

414

because not because i want to be that kind of person

415

but just because you have the company you have like

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that emotional satisfaction with someone

417

but you don't have you don't have the responsibility of checking in on them

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or you know being that girlfriend material which i know i can be

419

and i don't want to be that just now yeah

420

because i like i'm like you once i'm in i'm 100 in

421

and i don't want to be 100 in right now

422

because i'm 100 into myself so it sounds a bit selfish

423

but i feel like i owe it to myself right now to be selfish

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and i don't want to be in anything serious right now

425

and i think that's completely fair as long as you don't

426

hurt people along the way of course you know i think you have to be honest

427

and you have to voice out for me at least voice

428

out what you want voice out where what your vision is yeah

429

or whatever is happening and And then if the person like agrees or is on the same page, then great.

430

But if they're not, then you know, okay, maybe this is not the person that you want to continue this with.

431

Yeah.

432

Okay.

433

So I think also like modern day dating includes a lot of new, different power dynamics.

434

A lot of men aren't willing to go 50-50

435

and a lot of women are okay with it as well what's your take on

436

that um i feel like a lot of people have evolved

437

from the traditional like the man should be the provider

438

and women should like provide for themselves

439

and it's all based off of like your own preference

440

but for me i i'm still with the the man should be the provider if you can't Like on the first date,

441

if some guy that I was seeing like a foreseeable future with said 50-50,

442

that would probably be the last time that he saw me.

443

Because then you think like everything else in the future.

444

Like, okay, if you buy a house, if you have kids and that's 50-50, I have to carry a kid in me for nine months.

445

I have to do this, I have to do that.

446

And you go to work, you make more because you're a man.

447

And I still have to pay the same amount as you.

448

I feel like that's not really fair.

449

that's just my own preference there is no right

450

or wrong okay i just feel like the man should be the provider financially emotionally mentally

451

because i feel like men the likelihood of a man leaving a woman is

452

so much higher than than a girl leaving a man

453

so then wouldn't you think in in contrast to that then

454

if the likelihood of a man leaving a woman is higher

455

isn't it more important than ever for women to be able to provide

456

so that they don't have to rely on the men to provide?

457

I think they should be able to provide for themselves and then consider the relationship that they're in.

458

Because I, like I always told myself,

459

I'm not going to settle with anyone until I can financially support myself before I can provide for myself.

460

I have a house, I have this and everything settled for myself so that I don't have to rely on a man.

461

And it's not that women can't

462

but it's also nice to be taken care of yeah

463

and for me i feel like i'm so like i'm always

464

that strong independent woman i have to take care of my

465

team i have to do this i have to do that

466

and sometimes i just want to come home

467

and be a girl i just want to be taken care

468

of i don't want to be a strong independent woman outside of my house

469

and inside of my relationship i could not agree with

470

that it's so hiring like it's nice to be taken care of

471

and being like hey babe don't worry i got it like don't worry i planned this for us already

472

or you don't have to worry you don't have to like yeah it's the the calmness

473

and the peace of mind that i would like

474

safety yeah just like i think i think the whole protect

475

and provide thing that men are expected

476

or were expected to do i think really just comes down

477

to women feeling the need to feel safe in the relationship they're in

478

because i think when they're when they feel safe they blossom

479

and they you know it gives them the space to be what they want to be

480

and i think women who are thriving women who are safe women who are at peace bring

481

so much to the table and i think that's what it really comes down to

482

and i don't think it really actually fully comes down to

483

like finances obviously it's nice to have someone look after you financially

484

but i think the deeper root in the one for

485

that it goes into it goes into feeling safe yeah

486

but what about you would you go 50 50 or i would go like 70 30 don't lie

487

no i would go 70 30 because this is the thing

488

so if a guy asks you on a date can you pay 70

489

talking about like those small things no no i right now

490

i'm talking about like a date a date i first date

491

at least i expect the mountain yeah i don't expect it's not expected

492

but it's like appreciated i would appreciate for them to pay

493

and if they do pay on the first date

494

and we just get dinner for example i will pay for the dessert oh yeah of course like

495

if you go for ice cream then i'll do

496

that like the smaller thing yeah that's fine yeah like i will contribute

497

and i i want to and I know I'm able to, but it's about, again, the principle.

498

It's about like being chivalrous, you know, being like, you see the value in me, you see the value in my time,

499

you see the value in what we're building that I'm willing to provide for this meal.

500

And if I see that you're happy to do that, then it's like, okay, then I will, I will contribute to, to whatever this is or whatever it might be.

501

But I do get it about like the bigger things.

502

Like, okay, like you said 70, 30.

503

I feel like if you take 100% of like your salary versus the guy's salary

504

and then you say okay for this we're going to pay

505

30% of our salary into this you might make less

506

and he might make way more yeah but you're taking the same amount

507

and contributing to the same thing yeah I can understand that

508

because then you're not expecting okay if I'm paying 50 the guy's paying 50

509

and he wants you to pay 50 as well

510

but you earn less then it's not really fair yeah yeah I that's the

511

But what if you earn more than the guy?

512

See, like, does it have to...

513

Then I must be marrying for love.

514

I think about that all the time.

515

That's so shallow as well.

516

I don't think it's about being shallow.

517

I really, really do think it goes down to you want to feel safe.

518

Because I'm so tired of mothering men.

519

Yeah, it's not your job either.

520

It's not my job to be your mom!

521

it's also like what you said you have to be the

522

one to have the baby you need to be the one

523

to take care of the baby the first well at least three years of their life right

524

because it's it's just it's just how it works unfortunately for us women or also fortunately like it goes workplace

525

yes so when you're providing 70 and then that goes away

526

because now you're providing for another human being it that's what i would take into account

527

if it was the other way around because

528

if i'm planning on spending on you financially time as well i i need to know

529

that that direction because i'm hoping it's going

530

that direction you you you've got us yeah that's that's kind of more what it is yeah okay

531

so basically through it all friends with benefits situationships conclui dating

532

relationships everything kind of just comes down to being honest with yourself what you want

533

and communicating that directly with the person that you're seeing yeah

534

and communicating that with the person that you're seeing or

535

that you're with and honestly just staying true to your boundaries

536

and your values as well yeah because there are

537

so many people out there that haven't met you yet

538

that you haven't met that could be the love of your life yeah

539

but you need to allow yourself to go out of

540

that comfort zone and out of

541

that box to be able to find what really fits you

542

and what you want yeah i think for me like ultimately

543

is it comes down to what you feel safest in

544

because i think nobody is worth taking your peace of mind

545

and disrupting your routine

546

and disrupting your trajectory of like doing you of your growth um of your career

547

so whatever it is you choose to be

548

and make sure you're in a situation where you feel like you can communicate with them properly

549

but most of all where you feel like you can be you yeah

550

and you don't have to be anything other than that

551

because i i think the easiest thing

552

when you go through all this is you lose you lose yourself you lose pieces of yourself

553

and yeah no one should take that away from you yeah

554

and when you're with someone remember that you still have your own life

555

and you still are your own person

556

and being with someone else doesn't mean you have to be

557

less of who you are you need to both have your own life

558

and grow separately but also a life where you can grow together

559

but you should never lose yourself in the process because you want

560

that other person to accept you more um just to finish

561

off based on what you said they need to be an

562

addition to your happiness yeah not the reason for it yeah i think that's exactly all it comes down to

563

so um those of you who are in situationships uh friends with benefits dating exclusively dating you do you You do you.

564

I hope you're okay.

565

Do it for yourself and for the satisfaction that it brings to you and the happiness that it does.

566

But if it's not adding to your happiness, like Anne said, a la paubelle.

567

Straight to the trash.

568

Bye! And good luck.

569

I don't know.

570

Holy f*.

571

We're not even halfway yet.

572

Can you see that it's a look on the camera?

573

Do you know where I'm talking about?

574

Right here.

575

Sound check.

576

One, two, three.

577

The eagle has landed.

578

The eagle has landed.

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Диалог в видео — отличный материал для тех, кто хочет улучшить произношение английского и научиться говорить естественно. Он полон живых выражений, пауз и неформального стиля, которые часто встречаются в повседневной речи. Благодаря тому, что участники разговора перебивают друг друга, исправляют себя и реагируют на внешние раздражители (например, сообщения на телефоне), вы можете освоить не только грамматику, но и ритм разговора. Это идеально подходит для тех, кто практикует shadowing английский — техники повторения речи за носителем языка.

Анализ: почему фразы звучат естественно

«We're back! We're back and we're better. No, we're not. But we're trying to be.» — Эта цепочка фраз показывает, как можно использовать короткие предложения и контрасты для выражения эмоций. Переход от уверенности к самоиронии делает речь живой и приближенной к реальному общению.
«I'm tired tired and also very confusing» — Здесь повторение слова «tired» и грамматическая неточность (вместо «confused») являются ярким примером разговорной речи. Носители часто используют такие упрощения, чтобы передать интенсивность чувств.
«We're going in circle what is modern day dating» — Отсутствие пунктуации и быстрый переход от мысли к мысли демонстрируют, как речь строится на лету. Это важно для понимания ритма и пауз в разговоре.

Рутина практики: как использовать этот видео для shadowing

Для эффективной тренировки используйте простую схему: повтори и запиши. Сначала прослушайте отрезок видео (5-10 секунд), затем остановите и повторите его вслух, пытаясь подражать интонации, скорости и акцентам. Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом. Обратите внимание на такие детали, как перерывы («Well», «Anyways») и эмоциональная окраска. Рекомендуется практиковать по 15-20 минут в день — это поможет быстро улучшить произношение английского. Если вы ищете дополнительные ресурсы, можно использовать shadowing site, где собраны подобные материалы для тренировки.

Этот диалог не только обсуждает актуальную тему, но и даёт возможность освоить реальную разговорную речь. Попробуйте shadowspeak (технику повторения) и убедитесь, как быстро ваша речь становится более естественной!

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат	if it's meant to be it will be · if it's meant to be you will be
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	we've talked · we've been · have you experienced
Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает	be treated · be considered · were obsessed
Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете	concui, which are · dating, which is · Konkui, which is

Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

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