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You would be injured but not dead.

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271 ประโยค

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You would be injured but not dead.

And you'd have a knife sticking out.

You know, uh.

There's only one word I want to hear you say.

If I don't hear anus, you lose.

Today we're at the American Dream Mall playing casting directors for a gritty crime TV show.

You know, like Law & Order.

And we're specifically trying to get children to play a small role in the show.

The catch is, the role is so horrible, it'll take a miracle for a parent to agree.

If a parent doesn't consent to their child being cast, you lose.

Here he is.

Look at this guy.

Q and Sal, I'm so excited.

We're casting today for the hit TV show, Lore and Order.

You know, Wolf Dick's famous show.

Oh, good old Wolf Dick is back with another hit.

Somebody out here is going to be a star, Jess.

As Murray's production partner today, we have Jessica Fricker helping us out, who works on the television show.

Hello.

Oh, my God, we got a baby here.

Here we go.

Hi, guys.

Excuse me.

Do you have a child?

Oh, my gosh.

Have you ever heard of the show Lore and Order?

We're actually filming at the second floor of the mall here.

We need a baby in a carriage for the shot.

But let me tell you what they would need from the infant.

An evil clown will throw your kid through a plate glass window.

In the scene, there's like an evil clown that would throw your infant through a plate glass window.

It wouldn't hurt.

Like, it's breakaway glass.

You know what I mean?

What do you think?

Do you want to have your child be in it?

No, it's okay.

It takes ten minutes.

His dad isn't here.

Oh, his dad's not here is the thing.

Is that the plate glass window?

Hi, guys.

How are you?

Do you know the show, Law & Order?

Yeah.

We're actually filming it on the second floor.

I don't know if you guys would be interested.

The scene is a bag of puppies have been left abandoned.

A bag of puppies that have been left abandoned.

And we can't use real puppies, obviously.

And we can't obviously use real puppies for the shot.

So we need two kids to stuff in a burlap sack

and roll around and move like they're puppies trapped in a burlap sack.

What we'd be doing is we'd be putting the two children in the burlap sack and moving around, wriggling around, as if they were the puppies.

And the bag is sealed up tight.

The bag is sealed tight.

It's a 10-minute shot.

It's going to be sealed up?

Oh, very tightly, yes.

Oh, the bag would be sealed tight.

Nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about there, sir.

The bag would be sealed.

And it is burlap, so, you know, it's breathable.

I can't put my kid in there.

You can't?

No. We're going to go enjoy the roller coasters.

All right.

I appreciate it.

You know, that's on on you.

Careful, roller coasters are dangerous.

You guys heard of Law & Order?

You know Law & Order, the TV show?

And I don't know if your child is interested to be in the background of the shot.

What we need your son for...

Just need a quick shot of a goofy kid riding a Rottweiler as he runs down the stairs.

We just need a quick shot of, like, a goofy kid riding on top of a huge Rottweiler as it runs down the stairs.

You want to ride on top of a hulking Rottweiler as it just darts down 40, 50 stairs?

Do you want to do it or no?

Let me just break down the stats for you.

It's a 40-step stairwell.

160-pound Roddy.

160-pound Rottweiler.

You get $5 a step.

Until the little man gets bucked.

Until the little man.

Until Little Man gets bucked off.

May or may not make the show.

The shop may or may not make the show.

I bet you I can...

Yeah, you wanna try?

Sounds fun.

Okay, let's do it.

Oh my God.

Yes!

Oh my God.

Let's hope this goes well.

Here we go.

100

Let's go. Is it dangerous?

101

Is it dangerous?

102

I gave you the stats.

103

All right, Q, you're trying to scout kids to be on a hot new episode of Lore and Order.

104

Yeah, all right, hold on.

105

Actually, yeah, hold on one second.

106

Hey, have you guys ever heard of the show Law & Order?

107

We're shooting it upstairs today, and we actually need a kid to be an extra 10 minutes in and out.

108

Yeah, I got someone interested.

109

What is the exact thing they got to do in the background?

110

Very simple, Brian.

111

The kid needs to stab another kid to death.

112

OK, so one of your children, they need to stab another child to death.

113

Oh, actually, we could use both of them.

114

We could have one stabbing the other to death in the background.

115

It's acting.

116

It's acting.

117

He goes, it's acting.

118

No, that's okay.

119

Okay, guys, no, they don't want the one daughter to viciously stab the other daughter in the background.

120

It's a shame.

121

Yeah.

122

We should have cast it, because it's going to be hard to get that on the fly.

123

Okay.

124

Curveball, stop the woman with the dog.

125

Yeah.

126

We'll deviate from the children's aspect of it right now.

127

Hey, have you guys ever heard of the show Law and Order?

128

We're shooting here today.

129

Okay.

130

We actually need a dog for a background scene.

131

It's 10 minutes.

132

So I don't know.

133

What is this little guy's name?

134

Cinnabah.

135

Oh, Simba, no. Hey, pal.

136

You cool with him getting kicked?

137

This is the cutest.

138

How old is Simba?

139

Two months.

140

Two months?

141

Oh, yeah, I know.

142

And you would be OK with Simba getting kicked in the background?

143

They're hunting down a deranged dog walker, and in the background, he's just kicking a puppy to death in the background.

144

And that would be this little angel.

145

Oh, yeah.

146

Yeah, we just need him to get skull stomped.

147

Yeah, we just need him to get skull stomped.

148

Do you want to get kicked to death?

149

So what would he have to do?

150

You know, one to two kicks.

151

And you're the owner of the pet?

152

And you're the owner of the pet?

153

Yeah.

154

If you want to be in the background too, we need Booger Girl.

155

We need, what's the scene we do in the background there?

156

Booger Girl?

157

Booger Girl.

158

Booger Girl.

159

We got a girl in the background who, if I remember correctly, what's Booger Girl's role again?

160

Booger girl?

161

Oh, she just eats everyone else's boogers.

162

She just eats everybody else's boogers.

163

So while you are distracted by the boogers, your dog gets a little skull-crushed.

164

Can you have Jessica just reiterate all the rolls?

165

Yeah.

166

And could you just go over the rolls one more time, just so they're aware?

167

Yeah, so this dog is going to get kicked in the background like one to two times.

168

Yeah, hard.

169

Hard.

170

And then you're going to also be in the background eating everybody's boogers while your dog gets skull-crushed.

171

Right, skull-crushed.

172

It's Goldstrud.

173

Q, Jessica caught your speech impediments.

174

Yeah, yeah.

175

All right, so you're in.

176

Okay.

177

All right, Booger Girl, just head right up there.

178

Well done, Q.

179

You're going to see a goofy kid riding a Rottweiler down 40 steps.

180

So, I got to say, buddy, you actually look like a talent scout for Law and Order.

181

This is like every parent's dream, right?

182

You're in the mall pushing your kid around, and a talent scout comes up to you and says, Your kid has what it takes.

183

I thought every parent's dream was to not have kids.

184

Have fun with your life for once.

185

Excuse me.

186

Have you ever heard of the television show Law and Order?

187

Yes.

188

Well, we're filming a scene up on the third floor here.

189

We need a child for about 10 minutes for it to be an extra in the scene.

190

What we would need him for is...

191

Your kid will get dangled by their ankles over the mall railing.

192

What's going to happen is right about over there, on that third floor up there, There's going to be a scene where the child would need to get dangled over the mole railing by their ankles.

193

He gets dangled over the railing?

194

Yes, upside down.

195

Over the railing, but...

196

by his ankles upside down and shook.

197

No, no, no. No, but thank you for the offer.

198

Are you sure?

199

I'm positive.

200

Thank you.

201

But we will have an EMT standing by.

202

No, no, no. Okay.

203

And there will be cushions on the bottom.

204

I'm being told we don't have to shake them.

205

Tal, I suspect you're not even gonna get this next one out.

206

Yeah.

207

Excuse me.

208

Hey, have you heard of the television show Law & Order?

209

We need an extra for 10 minutes.

210

I'll tell you what you have to do.

211

Yeah, you'd have to be laying face down in a ditch with a knife sticking out of your anus.

212

Law & Order, SVU.

213

You've heard of SVU?

214

Oh, yeah.

215

It's a...

216

I will tell you, it's a...

217

Yeah, you can't say it.

218

No way.

219

Is it a bad accent?

220

Well, I mean, in this instance specifically, we would need you to be, let's see how we say, uh...

221

You start.

222

You would be face down so you wouldn't have to say anything.

223

You would be injured but not dead.

224

And you'd have a knife, you know, sticking out, you know...

225

There's only one word I want to hear you say.

226

If I don't hear anus, you lose.

227

What?

228

It ain't an anus.

229

You know what?

230

Are you talking to someone?

231

Yeah, I'm talking to the anus.

232

Yeah, sorry about that.

233

Sorry.

234

They're letting me know what exactly we need, because they're up there, like, going through the motions right now.

235

Just give up.

236

Yeah, sure.

237

She fits it perfectly, but...

238

I think that she has to be face down and then have, like, the knife sticking out of the anus.

239

Yeah.

240

Oh!

241

Look at Jess.

242

How do you feel right now?

243

Look at her face.

244

She's...

245

Her face is beet-raig.

246

Is it a fake knife?

247

Is it a fake knife?

248

It's a fake knife.

249

It's a fake knife.

250

You want to do it?

251

Yeah.

252

All right, let's go.

253

Why not?

254

Oh my God!

255

I can't believe it!

256

Up here, yeah?

257

Yeah, right up here, I think.

258

I didn't even think she was going to be able to say it!

259

He didn't say it.

260

Jessica said it.

261

Jessica said it.

262

Oh.

263

I hate to point out the rules, but...

264

I know the rules.

265

I know what you're going to say.

266

I know what you're going to say.

267

You got the kid to sign up, but you didn't say the line.

268

Yeah.

269

Fricker said the line.

270

But not for nothing.

271

I laid all the foundation there, And all she did was say anus and turn and leave.

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