Shadowing-Übung: 2026年ハーバード大学ロニーチェンの卒業式スピーチ『AIなんてクソくらえ。』【世界情勢理解】【英語スピーチ】　リスニング　日本語字幕 - Englisch Sprechen Lernen mit Video

Thank you.

Keep it going for yourselves, everybody.

I think we all deserve a round of applause for not looking at our phones for like two hours now.

What an achievement.

It's a beautiful day out.

Come on.

It's you guys.

Yay!

We did it!

Thank you for having me speak here today.

I'm very honored to be your class committee's last -minute second -choice speaker.

I don't know who canceled.

I've been trying to find out all week.

but I guess I'm on the short list of people who's within Amtrak distance and not in the Epstein files.

I understand it was down to me and Baby Yoda and I think that guy's doing press right now.

So you're stuck with me, someone who couldn't get into this college much less graduate from it.

And by the way on that topic before we go any further, do I get a degree for this shit or what? because I was googling it and people were getting degrees and

I don't know, is that just like a commencement speech thing?

Is this like different to that?

This is class day, I guess this is like the Gobi tent to the Coachella main stage.

Alright.

Degrees of our headliners, right Dean?

Alright.

My mom actually came from Singapore just to watch this because she thinks I'm graduating from Harvard.

So, she's right in the front row.

So, I don't know, can someone on stage just hand me a piece of paper or something?

A scroll?

Dean?

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

I don't know, maybe someone here can give me the art history degree.

Trust me, you're not gonna need it.

Seriously, I had Netflix specials, I had movie premieres, I host a daily show my mom didn't come for any of that.

I tell her I'm at Harvard and she gets on her first flight over.

In fact, my sister also came and she only came because I told her Conan O 'Brien was giving a commencement speech.

That's the power of this institution that you guys are graduating from.

It'll make Asians do anything up to and including voting against affirmative action.

So congratulations to all of you again.

Yeah, congratulations on being the last generation of Harvard grads with straight A's.

You're telling me for the last 200 years or whatever the f*,

everyone at Harvard was a bunch of dumbasses with inflated grades and nobody noticed.

I don't know what's dumber, that all your grades have been inflated or that the professors here just voted to stop inflating your grades.

Do you know how stupid that is?

You do realize the more A's you hand out, the better everyone looks.

I can't believe I have to explain this to you guys.

Didn't you guys go to Harvard?

What kind of goody two -shoes professors do you have up here?

No wonder President Trump's trying to destroy you.

I just noticed there's a sign language guy who has the sign President Trump trying to destroy you.

Don't worry, sign language guy, it gets worse.

Anyway, so no one here has good grades anymore, but good news, good grades don't even matter anymore anyway.

Welcome to the real world graduates where social media followers are the new GPA

These days you can't even be a barista in Brooklyn with less than 10 ,000 IG followers

And if you don't like that system well take it out with Harvard alumni Mark Zuckerberg

Well on the topic of A's by the way Can I just say AI AI AI

I'm so glad you agree.

I prepared a completely different speech in case you guys turned on me, but I won't be needing that anymore.

Fuck AI.

Fuck it.

Fuck it to death.

Alright?

What's the sign language sign for that?

Good.

Good to know.

It's stupid.

It's so stupid.

Have you tried using it?

It's always wrong.

Like I asked AI what's the fastest way to get from New York City to Harvard

and it told me to take Flixbus.

I'm a movie star.

Hello, I don't take the bus.

A seller only.

I mean, do you even know what AI is saying about Harvard?

the garbage that AI is spouting about you guys.

AI says that Harvard has a $56 .9 billion endowment and

that the Harvard Graduate Students Union is on strike to try to get a livable wage increase to $25 an hour.

There's no way that's true.

I mean, that's ridiculous.

How bad are these AI hallucinations getting?

Look, a lot of other respected graduation speakers

and colleges around America are talking about you guys needing to master AI for the future.

Okay?

I'm here to tell you the mission of your generation is to destroy AI.

Kill it.

To accomplish this, you'll have to capture and reprogram an AI to be on the side of humanity.

Then commandeer its own time -traveling technology.

Send it back to the past to defeat the current AI before it gains sentience.

This isn't just graduation day, this is Terminator 2 Judgment Day.

And I know, I know that someone's sitting out here right now, who's just like, well, you know, what about the use of AI to pioneer breakthroughs in medicine and physics?

Well, first of all, shut up, nerd.

I'm not talking about that.

Obviously, if you're using it for that purpose, you're not the problem, okay?

I'm talking about the accumulation of cognitive debt due to excessive

use of large language models according to a study by MIT published in 2025 in archive.

That's right, MIT.

MIT did that study.

I guess you guys were too busy giving each other A's.

Feel free to boo MIT, by the way. And AI.

100

And yourselves, I guess.

101

Look, this is actually good news, okay?

102

This is why you guys shouldn't be scared of AI.

103

Because I think AI is just gonna end up making mediocre people dumber.

104

Have you heard how dumb people brag about how they use AI?

105

They always say, hey, did you know that AI can now read my email, summarize it, and draft a response?

106

Yeah, you know who else can do that?

107

Me.

108

I can do that.

109

You can't do that?

110

How useless are you?

111

You need artificial intelligence just to match me?

112

I'm a dumbass who couldn't get into Harvard.

113

And from what I can see, getting an actual

114

advantage from AI in the future will require a minimum escape velocity of intelligence that I'm assuming you guys from Harvard have.

115

Everyone else who can't match that is just gonna get dumber.

116

And that's when you run up the score on them.

117

Assuming we still have a functioning society, of course.

118

But to run up the score, you're gonna have to master your craft.

119

Okay?

120

And AI AI can be the fuel, but fuel is useless if you can't kindle the fire.

121

For example, I recently used AI to use regression analysis to prove

122

that a certain race of people are mathematically terrible at sports.

123

I won't say which race, but thank you for not inviting Hasan Minhaj to Harvard.

124

My point is, learning the fundamentals still matter.

125

If I didn't know what a regression analysis was, and if I wasn't fundamentally racist, Would I have been able to do any of that?

126

127

Untalented people love Bragging about using AI to help them draft their speeches

128

and the scripts and their podcasts and their promo videos for UFC fights at the White House

129

Which to be fair even if they had filmed that for real it would still have looked like AI

130

But what they're missing is this The creating is the fun part

131

The best part of comedy writing is figuring out the puzzle pieces of a joke

132

and getting the self -regard from having accomplished a difficult thing

133

Why feel free to not applaud that you freaking traitors to humanity

134

Why why would I want AI to take that away from me?

135

You know what problem I want AI to solve?

136

I want the problem of AI making everything look like shit.

137

I How about can AI take away the pot of comedy writing where my TV pilot gets passed on

138

and when I ask if I can pitch it to someone else, the network says we don't want it but we also don't want anyone else to have it?

139

We just want you to be sad? Can AI solve that?

140

I recently tried to introduce my friend to Buddhism through a book called Buddhism Made Simple.

141

It was literally a book about Buddhism Made Simple and instead of reading it, he used AI to summarize it in 10 seconds.

142

Believe it or not, he didn't reach enlightenment.

143

Turns out speedrunning Buddhism is completely missing the point.

144

And I know this platitude is almost worthy of AI,

145

but the reason shortcuts.. to skip to the end aren't always good is because the journey isn't just how we acquire skills.

146

The journey is the point of all this.

147

It is!

148

It turns out maybe the real Harvard was the friends we made along the way.

149

Look, I know this won't apply to everyone's industry, okay?

150

I'm just saying whatever your chosen profession is, please don't let AI rob you of the fun part of it.

151

I think your generation's upcoming battle won't be humans against AI.

152

That's at least two months away.

153

It's going to be people with substance versus people with shallow knowledge.

154

It's going to be mastery versus faking it.

155

It's going to be people with good taste versus tacky.

156

I trust you will put in the work necessary to be on the right side of those battles.

157

And anytime you want to hand that degree over, Dean, that'd be really nice.

158

Now you might be worried about the job market you're entering, but don't worry.

159

There are jobs now that exist that we couldn't have imagined when I graduated, and it's going to be the same for you.

160

For example, when I graduated 17 years ago, I didn't know posting photos on my feet could be a full -time job.

161

And in another 17 years, it might be the only job.

162

So let me try to speak your language here, okay?

163

Because I know you guys low -key see me as some cooked ankh now. But good.

164

I am an ankh.

165

I am an ankh.

166

Listen to the Ankh.

167

Here's the Ankh fire advice portion of this speech.

168

Make sure your offline world is better than your online one.

169

If that wasn't obvious, remember the flaws.

170

Hug your parents.

171

When someone invites you to a private sex island, always say no. Always.

172

Create more than you complain.

173

Being—I lost track, I can't even count my fingers.

174

That's how bad my cognitive decline is.

175

Being cynical or contrarian is not an indication of intelligence.

176

You will not be able to outperform an index fund.

177

Make your mistakes.

178

I want you guys to look to your left and look to your right, right now.

179

Remember these faces.

180

Some of you will be evil.

181

Some of you will be evil people who just want a ton of money.

182

I just turned 40.

183

Let me tell you, money isn't everything.

184

It's only good for buying comfort, necessities, peace of mind, and self -worth. But guess what?

185

Making money is easy in America.

186

It's easy.

187

You can tell dick jokes on You can run a crypto scam, you can storm the capital and get a payout from the government.

188

In fact, I'll prove it to you.

189

Watch this.

190

Which camera is it?

191

This camera?

192

Alright.

193

Hey, this speech at Harvard is brought to you by Panda Express.

194

Panda Express, have you eaten yet?

195

You see that I just paid for my kids Harvard tuition I'm just kidding.

196

I hope they can go to Yale My point is shut up my point is

197

You guys are in the same gang anyway, what are you booing for?

198

You're gonna take over Paramount and fire everybody.

199

My point is...

200

It's too real, it was too real, sorry Dean.

201

My point is, money is like too easy for you guys.

202

We say this to kids all the time, you can be anything you want.

203

You guys are from Harvard, you actually can do anything you want.

204

You can be anything you want.

205

Yeah, you're not like you're not like these other dumb kids we keep bullshitting.

206

So I'm asking you guys, don't just chase the money.

207

You're better than that.

208

Tackle the world's problems like hunger or access education or microplastics in our balls.

209

Seriously, someone should really get on that.

210

We're all laughing here, but we all have microplastics in our balls right now.

211

Well, how about that problem when you're trying to show your date a photo on your phone, but then a notification appears at the exact same moment, and then you accidentally click on that instead of the photo,

212

so now she's reading a private text to your mom asking if Drake is really a pedophile. Can someone fix that?

213

And look, if saving the world is too daunting, at least chase the thing

214

that you can't stop Stop talking about every day to the point where it ruins all your relationships

215

Follow your passions for me that was stand -up comedy.

216

I love comedy so much.

217

I Gladly skip weddings birthdays funerals just to do open mics People were born people died.

218

I even know I don't even know what my family is anymore.

219

I have no friends

220

But what I do have is the ability to talk to

221

myself in a room with three other comics waiting to get on stage.

222

What I'm saying is when you have clarity of purpose and you're doing something you love, every day can be a joy.

223

And that joy can spread to others.

224

And if you don't find something that makes you happy that also helps others Remember you can always just work for McKinsey

225

Work for McKinsey go do it.

226

What's that you can increase profits by firing people?

227

Wow, what a genius move Before I go It's okay.

228

I wasn't gonna get into the school anyway before I go I

229

Just want to do something I learned from the goat white guy of all time Mr. Rogers

230

The greatest white guy of all time When he was accepting an Emmy award in 1776

231

This is what he did and it's kind of echoing what everyone here has said already So sorry if you heard it, but whatever you you asked me to do this speech in like three days.

232

So fuck you We were all here because someone believed in us I

233

Just want everyone here to just let's just do this for

234

real Let's just close our eyes for just 10 seconds and I want you to think

235

Actually visualize the people who helped you get here today Let's just do it for 10 seconds.

236

I'll time you on my vintage Rolex.

237

Let's go.

238

Just close your eyes.

239

See their faces.

240

As many as you can remember.

241

Try to remember what they did for you.

242

How they helped you.

243

Okay.

244

Now, I want you guys to think of your enemies.

245

Think of your enemies.

246

Think of everyone you hate.

247

Think of how much better you are than everyone else.

248

Think of everyone who said you going to Harvard would amount to nothing.

249

And who are you thinking of when I ask you to think of people who helped you?

250

For me, it was my wife, Hannah, it was my mom, my dad, my sister, Trevor Noah,

251

who stuck his neck out to hire me on The Daily Show

252

because he felt strongly that the show needed an Asian voice on it.

253

Yes, a black man helped an Asian man get into America through affirmative action.

254

And through our satire and seven years of speaking truth to power, we helped Donald Trump get elected.

255

Twice.

256

Whoops.

257

Good luck with that.

258

But remember just how you felt when you were thinking of the people who helped you.

259

And now it's time for you to go out there.

260

and be a person who someone else thinks of fondly as having helped them. Because...

261

Because one day soon, I promise you, some kids will be asking you for advice for after they graduate.

262

And you can say, be kind, be joyful, but for the love of God, help me destroy these machines first.

263

Thank you for having me.

264

You guys are awesome.

265

Congrats to everybody, the students and the parents and the faculty.

266

Thanks for having me here.

267

Take care, Harvard.

📺 Gleicher Kanal

【世界情勢理解】2024年ハーバード大学首席の卒業式スピーチ『知らないことの力』【英語スピーチ】　リスニング　日本語字幕　世界情勢理解

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【世界情勢理解】2024年ハーバード大学首席の卒業式スピーチ『知らないことの力』【英語スピーチ】　リスニング　日本語字幕　世界情勢理解

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