Shadowing Practice: 2026年ハーバード大学ロニーチェンの卒業式スピーチ『AIなんてクソくらえ。』【世界情勢理解】【英語スピーチ】 リスニング 日本語字幕 - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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Thank you.
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Keep it going for yourselves, everybody.
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I think we all deserve a round of applause for not looking at our phones for like two hours now.
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What an achievement.
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It's a beautiful day out.
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Come on.
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It's you guys.
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Yay!
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We did it!
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Thank you for having me speak here today.
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I'm very honored to be your class committee's last -minute second -choice speaker.
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I don't know who canceled.
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I've been trying to find out all week.
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but I guess I'm on the short list of people who's within Amtrak distance and not in the Epstein files.
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I understand it was down to me and Baby Yoda and I think that guy's doing press right now.
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So you're stuck with me, someone who couldn't get into this college much less graduate from it.
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And by the way on that topic before we go any further, do I get a degree for this shit or what? because I was googling it and people were getting degrees and
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I don't know, is that just like a commencement speech thing?
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Is this like different to that?
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This is class day, I guess this is like the Gobi tent to the Coachella main stage.
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Alright.
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Degrees of our headliners, right Dean?
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Alright.
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My mom actually came from Singapore just to watch this because she thinks I'm graduating from Harvard.
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So, she's right in the front row.
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So, I don't know, can someone on stage just hand me a piece of paper or something?
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A scroll?
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Dean?
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Yeah, thank you.
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Thank you.
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I don't know, maybe someone here can give me the art history degree.
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Trust me, you're not gonna need it.
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Seriously, I had Netflix specials, I had movie premieres, I host a daily show my mom didn't come for any of that.
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I tell her I'm at Harvard and she gets on her first flight over.
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In fact, my sister also came and she only came because I told her Conan O 'Brien was giving a commencement speech.
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That's the power of this institution that you guys are graduating from.
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It'll make Asians do anything up to and including voting against affirmative action.
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So congratulations to all of you again.
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Yeah, congratulations on being the last generation of Harvard grads with straight A's.
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You're telling me for the last 200 years or whatever the f*,
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everyone at Harvard was a bunch of dumbasses with inflated grades and nobody noticed.
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I don't know what's dumber, that all your grades have been inflated or that the professors here just voted to stop inflating your grades.
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Do you know how stupid that is?
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You do realize the more A's you hand out, the better everyone looks.
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I can't believe I have to explain this to you guys.
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Didn't you guys go to Harvard?
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What kind of goody two -shoes professors do you have up here?
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No wonder President Trump's trying to destroy you.
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I just noticed there's a sign language guy who has the sign President Trump trying to destroy you.
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Don't worry, sign language guy, it gets worse.
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Anyway, so no one here has good grades anymore, but good news, good grades don't even matter anymore anyway.
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Welcome to the real world graduates where social media followers are the new GPA
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These days you can't even be a barista in Brooklyn with less than 10 ,000 IG followers
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And if you don't like that system well take it out with Harvard alumni Mark Zuckerberg
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Well on the topic of A's by the way Can I just say AI AI AI
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I'm so glad you agree.
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I prepared a completely different speech in case you guys turned on me, but I won't be needing that anymore.
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Fuck AI.
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Fuck it.
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Fuck it to death.
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Alright?
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What's the sign language sign for that?
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Good.
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Good to know.
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It's stupid.
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It's so stupid.
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Have you tried using it?
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It's always wrong.
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Like I asked AI what's the fastest way to get from New York City to Harvard
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and it told me to take Flixbus.
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I'm a movie star.
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Hello, I don't take the bus.
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A seller only.
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I mean, do you even know what AI is saying about Harvard?
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the garbage that AI is spouting about you guys.
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AI says that Harvard has a $56 .9 billion endowment and
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that the Harvard Graduate Students Union is on strike to try to get a livable wage increase to $25 an hour.
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There's no way that's true.
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I mean, that's ridiculous.
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How bad are these AI hallucinations getting?
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Look, a lot of other respected graduation speakers
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and colleges around America are talking about you guys needing to master AI for the future.
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Okay?
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I'm here to tell you the mission of your generation is to destroy AI.
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Kill it.
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To accomplish this, you'll have to capture and reprogram an AI to be on the side of humanity.
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Then commandeer its own time -traveling technology.
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Send it back to the past to defeat the current AI before it gains sentience.
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This isn't just graduation day, this is Terminator 2 Judgment Day.
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And I know, I know that someone's sitting out here right now, who's just like, well, you know, what about the use of AI to pioneer breakthroughs in medicine and physics?
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Well, first of all, shut up, nerd.
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I'm not talking about that.
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Obviously, if you're using it for that purpose, you're not the problem, okay?
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I'm talking about the accumulation of cognitive debt due to excessive
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use of large language models according to a study by MIT published in 2025 in archive.
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That's right, MIT.
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MIT did that study.
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I guess you guys were too busy giving each other A's.
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Feel free to boo MIT, by the way. And AI.
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And yourselves, I guess.
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Look, this is actually good news, okay?
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This is why you guys shouldn't be scared of AI.
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Because I think AI is just gonna end up making mediocre people dumber.
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Have you heard how dumb people brag about how they use AI?
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They always say, hey, did you know that AI can now read my email, summarize it, and draft a response?
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Yeah, you know who else can do that?
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Me.
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I can do that.
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You can't do that?
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How useless are you?
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You need artificial intelligence just to match me?
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I'm a dumbass who couldn't get into Harvard.
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And from what I can see, getting an actual
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advantage from AI in the future will require a minimum escape velocity of intelligence that I'm assuming you guys from Harvard have.
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Everyone else who can't match that is just gonna get dumber.
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And that's when you run up the score on them.
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Assuming we still have a functioning society, of course.
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But to run up the score, you're gonna have to master your craft.
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Okay?
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And AI AI can be the fuel, but fuel is useless if you can't kindle the fire.
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For example, I recently used AI to use regression analysis to prove
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that a certain race of people are mathematically terrible at sports.
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I won't say which race, but thank you for not inviting Hasan Minhaj to Harvard.
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My point is, learning the fundamentals still matter.
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If I didn't know what a regression analysis was, and if I wasn't fundamentally racist, Would I have been able to do any of that?
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No
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Untalented people love Bragging about using AI to help them draft their speeches
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and the scripts and their podcasts and their promo videos for UFC fights at the White House
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Which to be fair even if they had filmed that for real it would still have looked like AI
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But what they're missing is this The creating is the fun part
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The best part of comedy writing is figuring out the puzzle pieces of a joke
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and getting the self -regard from having accomplished a difficult thing
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Why feel free to not applaud that you freaking traitors to humanity
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Why why would I want AI to take that away from me?
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You know what problem I want AI to solve?
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I want the problem of AI making everything look like shit.
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I How about can AI take away the pot of comedy writing where my TV pilot gets passed on
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and when I ask if I can pitch it to someone else, the network says we don't want it but we also don't want anyone else to have it?
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We just want you to be sad? Can AI solve that?
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I recently tried to introduce my friend to Buddhism through a book called Buddhism Made Simple.
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It was literally a book about Buddhism Made Simple and instead of reading it, he used AI to summarize it in 10 seconds.
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Believe it or not, he didn't reach enlightenment.
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Turns out speedrunning Buddhism is completely missing the point.
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And I know this platitude is almost worthy of AI,
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but the reason shortcuts.. to skip to the end aren't always good is because the journey isn't just how we acquire skills.
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The journey is the point of all this.
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It is!
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It turns out maybe the real Harvard was the friends we made along the way.
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Look, I know this won't apply to everyone's industry, okay?
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I'm just saying whatever your chosen profession is, please don't let AI rob you of the fun part of it.
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I think your generation's upcoming battle won't be humans against AI.
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That's at least two months away.
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It's going to be people with substance versus people with shallow knowledge.
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It's going to be mastery versus faking it.
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It's going to be people with good taste versus tacky.
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I trust you will put in the work necessary to be on the right side of those battles.
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And anytime you want to hand that degree over, Dean, that'd be really nice.
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Now you might be worried about the job market you're entering, but don't worry.
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There are jobs now that exist that we couldn't have imagined when I graduated, and it's going to be the same for you.
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For example, when I graduated 17 years ago, I didn't know posting photos on my feet could be a full -time job.
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And in another 17 years, it might be the only job.
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So let me try to speak your language here, okay?
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Because I know you guys low -key see me as some cooked ankh now. But good.
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I am an ankh.
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I am an ankh.
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Listen to the Ankh.
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Here's the Ankh fire advice portion of this speech.
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Make sure your offline world is better than your online one.
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If that wasn't obvious, remember the flaws.
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Hug your parents.
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When someone invites you to a private sex island, always say no. Always.
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Create more than you complain.
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Being—I lost track, I can't even count my fingers.
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That's how bad my cognitive decline is.
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Being cynical or contrarian is not an indication of intelligence.
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You will not be able to outperform an index fund.
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Make your mistakes.
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I want you guys to look to your left and look to your right, right now.
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Remember these faces.
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Some of you will be evil.
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Some of you will be evil people who just want a ton of money.
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I just turned 40.
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Let me tell you, money isn't everything.
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It's only good for buying comfort, necessities, peace of mind, and self -worth. But guess what?
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Making money is easy in America.
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It's easy.
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You can tell dick jokes on You can run a crypto scam, you can storm the capital and get a payout from the government.
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In fact, I'll prove it to you.
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Watch this.
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Which camera is it?
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This camera?
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Alright.
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Hey, this speech at Harvard is brought to you by Panda Express.
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Panda Express, have you eaten yet?
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You see that I just paid for my kids Harvard tuition I'm just kidding.
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I hope they can go to Yale My point is shut up my point is
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You guys are in the same gang anyway, what are you booing for?
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You're gonna take over Paramount and fire everybody.
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My point is...
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It's too real, it was too real, sorry Dean.
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My point is, money is like too easy for you guys.
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We say this to kids all the time, you can be anything you want.
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You guys are from Harvard, you actually can do anything you want.
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You can be anything you want.
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Yeah, you're not like you're not like these other dumb kids we keep bullshitting.
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So I'm asking you guys, don't just chase the money.
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You're better than that.
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Tackle the world's problems like hunger or access education or microplastics in our balls.
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Seriously, someone should really get on that.
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We're all laughing here, but we all have microplastics in our balls right now.
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Well, how about that problem when you're trying to show your date a photo on your phone, but then a notification appears at the exact same moment, and then you accidentally click on that instead of the photo,
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so now she's reading a private text to your mom asking if Drake is really a pedophile. Can someone fix that?
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And look, if saving the world is too daunting, at least chase the thing
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that you can't stop Stop talking about every day to the point where it ruins all your relationships
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Follow your passions for me that was stand -up comedy.
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I love comedy so much.
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I Gladly skip weddings birthdays funerals just to do open mics People were born people died.
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I even know I don't even know what my family is anymore.
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I have no friends
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But what I do have is the ability to talk to
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myself in a room with three other comics waiting to get on stage.
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What I'm saying is when you have clarity of purpose and you're doing something you love, every day can be a joy.
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And that joy can spread to others.
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And if you don't find something that makes you happy that also helps others Remember you can always just work for McKinsey
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Work for McKinsey go do it.
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What's that you can increase profits by firing people?
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Wow, what a genius move Before I go It's okay.
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I wasn't gonna get into the school anyway before I go I
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Just want to do something I learned from the goat white guy of all time Mr. Rogers
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The greatest white guy of all time When he was accepting an Emmy award in 1776
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This is what he did and it's kind of echoing what everyone here has said already So sorry if you heard it, but whatever you you asked me to do this speech in like three days.
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So fuck you We were all here because someone believed in us I
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Just want everyone here to just let's just do this for
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real Let's just close our eyes for just 10 seconds and I want you to think
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Actually visualize the people who helped you get here today Let's just do it for 10 seconds.
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I'll time you on my vintage Rolex.
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Let's go.
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Just close your eyes.
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See their faces.
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As many as you can remember.
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Try to remember what they did for you.
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How they helped you.
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Okay.
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Now, I want you guys to think of your enemies.
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Think of your enemies.
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Think of everyone you hate.
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Think of how much better you are than everyone else.
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Think of everyone who said you going to Harvard would amount to nothing.
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And who are you thinking of when I ask you to think of people who helped you?
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For me, it was my wife, Hannah, it was my mom, my dad, my sister, Trevor Noah,
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who stuck his neck out to hire me on The Daily Show
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because he felt strongly that the show needed an Asian voice on it.
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Yes, a black man helped an Asian man get into America through affirmative action.
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And through our satire and seven years of speaking truth to power, we helped Donald Trump get elected.
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Twice.
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Whoops.
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Good luck with that.
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But remember just how you felt when you were thinking of the people who helped you.
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And now it's time for you to go out there.
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and be a person who someone else thinks of fondly as having helped them. Because...
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Because one day soon, I promise you, some kids will be asking you for advice for after they graduate.
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And you can say, be kind, be joyful, but for the love of God, help me destroy these machines first.
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Thank you for having me.
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You guys are awesome.
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Congrats to everybody, the students and the parents and the faculty.
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Thanks for having me here.
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Take care, Harvard.
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What You'll Learn from This Speech
This clip is a goldmine for mastering conversational humor and casual delivery—two skills that make English sound natural. Notice how the speaker uses self-deprecating jokes ("I'm your second-choice speaker") and relatable observations ("not looking at our phones for two hours") to connect with the audience. You'll also pick up on colloquial phrasing like "shit" and "dumbasses," which are common in informal settings but require careful use. These elements teach you to balance formality with authenticity, a key skill for real-world communication.
Listen For These Sounds
Pay close attention to connected speech and reductions that make the dialogue flow. For example, "I don't know" becomes "I dunno" (reducing "do not" to "dunno"), and "what an achievement" links "what an" into "whadan" (blending the "t" and "a" sounds). You'll also hear "gonna" instead of "going to" and "wanna" instead of "want to"—common reductions that native speakers use to speed up speech. These details are crucial for improving listening comprehension and making your own speech sound less robotic.
Say It Like a Native: Rhythm and Stress
To mirror the speaker's style, focus on stress and rhythm. Notice how he emphasizes key words for humor: "second-choice speaker," "Baby Yoda," and "art history degree" are all stressed to land jokes. The rhythm is conversational, with pauses after punchlines to let the audience laugh—this natural ebb and flow is what makes shadowing effective. Try the shadowing technique: play a short clip, pause, and repeat it immediately, mimicking the tone, stress, and pauses. Use a shadowing site to practice daily, and you'll soon notice your pronunciation and fluency improving. Remember, the goal isn't just to copy words—it's to capture the energy of the speech, which is what makes "shadowspeak" sound authentic.
Practicing with this video will help you move beyond textbook English and into real, lively communication. Whether you're working on shadow speech or refining your pronunciation, the casual, humorous tone of this speech makes it a fun and effective tool for growth.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | if I wasn't fundamentally racist, Would I |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | someone who couldn · guy who has · people who just |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have been inflated · have been · have looked |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | have been inflated · is brought · is shut |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.