Pratique du Shadowing: The More You Fail, the More Confident You Get | Dear Leila - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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I don't know.
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Are you gonna do it?
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Yeah, Layla, I'm gonna do it.
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Okay, fine.
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I'm gonna follow up.
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It feels like no matter what I do, everything is just a roller coaster.
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There's no one silver bullet I'm gonna give you on this call that's gonna solve it.
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That's really good advice, and you don't have to tell me twice.
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And if you're a dumpster fire, you know who not to be.
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Alright, our next live caller is Kristen.
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Kristen, can you hear me?
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Yes, hey Layla, this is Kristen.
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From one boy mom to another, congratulations.
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Oh, thank you.
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I appreciate that.
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So tell me, what brings you to the show today?
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What questions do you have?
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What's on your mind?
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What's going on?
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Yeah, so I do IT consulting.
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I've been doing it for like 15 years.
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It's, you know, a small world.
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I work with the same people over and over.
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I was recently on a project for three years and one company lost the contract.
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It was getting rolled over to a second company
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and they offered me a position you know I did the interview thing it's people I've been working with off
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and on they're like cool great we want to bring you in all hunky-dory
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and then we're going through you know onboarding
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and they just go all of a sudden I'm sorry we're sending your offer we got word
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that you're a low performer
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and I take very much I take a whole bunch of pride in my work
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and never had bad feedback everyone's always like oh yeah I you're great to work with, you help new people out, like all positive.
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And so just trying to figure out what's your advice as far as getting a bad review or something like that, how to kind of bounce back and then how to kind of move on.
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And then, you know, when you have a plan and it is a 180 kind of next steps.
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Yeah, I totally understand.
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And I'm sorry, that must be hard, because, you know, having someone give you a vague piece of criticism without much direction is difficult
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because I think it would probably be easier if there were specifics around the situation I would imagine.
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Oh for sure.
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Yeah which is tough.
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So we can't change what happened and we can't change what they said or make them be more specific about the situation.
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So you know the first, whenever I receive something like
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that the first thing I ask myself is um one like humans tend to go into defensive mode
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so I ask myself am I feeling defensive right now?
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Oftentimes the answer is yes.
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I say, okay, great.
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If I wasn't feeling defensive, is there any element of this feedback that I could step into their shoes and see that maybe they would think,
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I could understand why they would think it to be true to some degree.
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And I will be honest with you, a lot of the times, if I step into someone else's shoes, I really imagine being that person, not being me, but being that person in their shoes,
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why they might say something or judge me to that degree.
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So that helps me because I always try to think not what would I think in this situation, but what would they think in this situation.
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So that's the first step.
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The second step is I, for the most part, ask myself if I want to do anything different based on that.
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You know, does that mean I'm going to change anything about my behavior?
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If the answer is no, then I'm going to move on.
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If the answer is yes, then it's like, okay, great.
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Next time, I'm going to do X, Y, and Z differently.
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I'm going to show up with this differently.
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I'm going to communicate this differently.
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I'm going to execute on this differently, whatever it might be.
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After I've derived that, which basically what I've done at that point is I'm like, okay, I have closed the chapter on the situation.
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Because for me, I don't need closure from like them telling me something about the specifics or them giving me anything more.
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I need closure for myself of, is there anything I need to learn from this situation that I have not yet.
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And I take whatever I need to learn, whatever that lesson is, and if it's not a practical lesson about something for me to do differently,
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then it might be an emotional lesson about I need to just be able to accept that some people won't like me, won't think I'm good, and won't think I'm perfect, despite me trying to be.
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Which is something that I have unwound my whole life, which is like, I think many things that have pissed me off is because I desire to be, you know, good in all realms.
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And so when somebody criticizes me, it's like, oh, that's a ding, like I'm not good.
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I have just taken the opposite approach now where it's just like I'm a flawed person, I'm not perfect, etc. So it's a lot easier for me to take those blows, to be honest.
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So those are the one or two things that you can derive from the situation.
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In terms of moving on from that situation, I mean, you move on by taking the next action.
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So it's like, what do you need to do to move forward in your life?
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Not revisit the situation or derive anything more from what we've already said, what's the lesson?
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We've already figured that out.
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But it's what's the next step I have to take to
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get back on track to achieving whatever goals it is I have So for you, what does that look like?
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What are the goals that you have right now?
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Right, yeah, so I have what I've done is like, you know, I got that feedback.
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I'm like, okay
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You know kind of like you said thought about it
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and then you know started reaching out to my networks and recruiters that I've worked with before and just
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Trying to find what that next project is gonna be for me and just moving forward I mean, what else can you do?
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Exactly.
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No, exactly.
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And so it was just kind of a real bummer.
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A thousand percentage sucks.
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And it's like sometimes people tell us it and we're like, that feels shitty or it feels icky or I don't like that.
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I wish that didn't happen, right?
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But I don't think you should let it like ding your confidence if you've had 15 years where that hasn't happened.
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That's bound to happen one time.
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I mean, Kristen, the amount of people who have said that I'm an evil piece of shit.
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I mean, I had someone last week say that.
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I think yesterday someone showed me a screenshot that said that.
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So, like, there's just, you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea.
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We don't know why they said it.
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They could have been lying.
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They could have been telling the truth.
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They could have just not liked you.
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You have no idea.
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They could have had a different agenda.
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They could have just had a friend that got put in the pipeline that they wanted to put above you.
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There are so many things you're never going to have the answer to.
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I don't think you can take it personally, and I don't think taking it personally is actually helpful in this situation.
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Okay, yeah, no, for sure.
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That's great advice.
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I appreciate it.
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And yeah, trying to move on forward to that next one.
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Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest thing is like what moving on looks like is whatever you were doing before the incident happened, you go back to doing that now.
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It's basically like, how do I go back to baseline?
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If you want it to have the least effect on you as possible, just whatever I was doing before this occurred, I go back to doing that now.
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Okay. Does that make sense?
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It does, yeah.
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Yeah, for sure.
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It's kind of like a breakup when people are like, what do I, I don't know what to do to get over the breakup.
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And I'm like, you just act like you acted before the breakup happened.
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And that's how you kind of get back on track.
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Fair point.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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It sounds, it is easily said harder to do.
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Yeah.
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Well, thank you so much.
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I appreciate your time. Of course.
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All right, Kristen, you're going to do great.
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Thanks.
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Have a good one.
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You too.
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The farther away they are with the least amount of contacts, It's like maybe there's no validity to the criticism at all.
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I think that the difficulty is most people take it so personally, they don't even have the ability to objectively think like that.
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You know what I mean?
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Especially when you're emotional.
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How do you sit through your emotions to think logically?
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Yeah.
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But I think, I mean, the cost of success is hate.
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So like, she wants to keep getting clients and landing these freelance jobs.
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She's going to have more people who are not going to like her.
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I mean, there's plenty of people who just literally haven't liked me.
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I've seen comments where it's like, love Alex.
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His wife is unbearable.
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that's the cost of success.
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I mean, it just doesn't matter.
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It's like what life, like there's like billions of people on the earth, like what we think everyone's gonna like us and think we're good.
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You know what I mean?
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Yeah.
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I'm like, all right, now we have a voicemail and this is from Brian in Pennsylvania.
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Hi, Layla.
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I'm Brian.
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I run a digital marketing agency based in Bucks County, Pennsylvania.
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And right now I'm going through a divorce.
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I also lost four employees in the month of June alone.
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So overall, I'm feeling a little bit lonely and rejected.
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And I'm trying to convince myself
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that this is the universe's way of removing people from my life who no longer serve me.
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But it's still a lot and it's weighing on me.
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And I'm curious, you know, how you would handle that.
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And then as a follow-up, would you look to replace those employees with other A players,
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or would you invest in building out AI agents that could handle a lot of the work that they were doing?
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I'm really grateful to be a part of the show, and I look forward to hearing your advice.
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Thank you, Layla.
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Brian.
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sucks.
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That just sucks.
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Divorce, people leaving.
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I mean, when you have stuff in your home life going wrong and stuff in the business, it fucking blows.
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So, I'm sorry, because that just sucks.
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And I can imagine that feels really lonely, because that was probably somebody that really supported you.
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I would ask myself this question, which is like, essentially, you lost a lot of people that supported you in some way.
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how do we get more of that back in your life?
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What do you need to support you?
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Like if you look at every great successful person, what you will find is they had a few key people who really supported them.
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You might not have someone that immediately comes to mind, but you might have some people that come to mind that you don't have as close of connections with.
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It might be worth tapping into that and saying, you know, maybe I need to call them more.
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Maybe I need to spend more time with them.
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Maybe I need to fly out and see my buddy from whenever and spend a weekend.
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And this is usually harder for male entrepreneurs than female.
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I think females tend to be better at congregating for emotional support.
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Not me.
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But, but, tend to.
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But I do see that as a lot harder for men, especially because there's like, it's a lot of guys like to talk about everything when it's going well, not necessarily when it's not going well.
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So I applaud you for even just your honesty there.
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But I think it's reasonable and normal to need and want support.
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and we as humans are one of the only species that is built to literally be codependent.
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If you look at like the past, you know, besides the recent couple hundreds of years,
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like we relied on each other heavily to survive and to thrive. And
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so I don't think there's anything wrong with saying I just lost a ton of people in my really close support network.
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I fucking deserve to have some people supporting me because this shit's fucking hard.
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And I want someone I can call at the end of the day.
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I want people I can shoot this shit with.
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I want people I can talk to about this shit.
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So I would make finding those people a priority for myself.
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And I will tell you, there's been times in my life, there's been times in my husband's life, where we have both made that a priority.
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It's something that we openly talk about.
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Because to get to really big places, you need a big support system to get you there.
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That's the first thing that comes to mind.
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The second thing is like, your feelings will pass no matter what.
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So it does suck right now.
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And it feels lonely.
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This is not forever.
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And I think when you're in those situations it just it always feels like forever
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when you're in a shitty situation our brains have this way
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of tricking us into feeling like fuck my life's gonna suck for a long time um
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but that's not gonna be the case
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so i think you will be in a way different situation a year from now
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and this will be a distant memory maybe not a good one
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but a distant one um second to that when i replace those employees with ai you know the question is I mean,
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I guess I would ask, what's the job?
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Because like, I don't know what the job is.
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If it's something that's easily done with AI, rather than going through the painful process of you trying to build it yourself, I'd probably try and see if there was a company that already built an automation for this,
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a company that already built an AI workflow for that, that you could just pay that company to come in, put that workflow into your business.
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Otherwise, though, I might say, based on what's going on in your life, is it easier to do that or is it easier to hire people?
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What's the vision of your business?
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How big of a difference would it make?
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Would it make a difference in the quality of delivery for the customer?
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You know, the one thing that we always talk about is like AI first, but customer comes even firster.
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It's like a joke, firster.
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Because as long as it does not affect the customer experience, like it should all be happening in the background.
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It should not be felt by anybody that's experience in the business.
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So I'm just giving you those frames to work with.
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And I would also say, like, don't put the pressure on yourself right now.
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Like, oh, I need to AI my whole business.
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Like, oh, my God, dude.
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Like, the amount of people that, like, AI their businesses, and it's just like they just build bullshit that they didn't need in the first place.
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There's more of that than there is of actually useful AI.
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So I would say do whatever you want.
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Like, if you want to have less employees and there's a way to do that, then do that.
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If you want to have employees and you think that it's a better experience, then do that.
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I don't think there's a right or wrong in that situation.
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Hi, I'm good.
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I'm on.
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What's up, Kim?
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Can you hear me?
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Hi, Leila.
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Ken, how are you?
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You're in Israel right now?
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I'm in Israel right now.
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Wow.
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Okay, what brought you there?
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I started a global nonprofit for volunteering in Israel.
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it's been just wildly successful.
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Wow.
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Okay.
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Freaking get it.
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I love that.
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That's awesome to hear.
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Okay.
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So, so then what's, what is your question?
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What are you dealing with right now?
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So I'm trying to understand how to spot opportunity.
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I will try something and then just keep going until it works.
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But I think it's like, I just changed my mind a lot, you know, but if I have a quick question for you, if you were to give me one piece of advice to help my critical thinking?
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I feel like we're so distracted with social media and AI and like everything.
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What can I do to improve my critical thinking and decision-making skills?
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Hello?
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Yeah, no I'm thinking Kim.
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I don't respond quickly when I'm thinking about a question
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so that's one I'll give you that one which is like I'm not gonna give you some bullshit.
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I appreciate it.
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Given your situation the feeling that i'm getting is
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that you tend to be more on the side of seeking
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opportunity trying to gather all the opportunities at once pulling too
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much in you sound like an adder not a subtractor yeah yeah i understand
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that you're the opposite of me i'm like subtract cut it away prune it um i understand
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where where you kind of sit so a lot of the times
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if you want to become a better thinker it's about what
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you need to stop doing not what you need to start doing
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so you have habits that are probably getting in the way of
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that right now your business doesn't need
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that to grow it needs focus your business is a baby right now
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that makes complete sense that's really good advice the business has somewhat become me
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and i don't like you can't grow a business like that it's just not sustainable Well, when you say the business has become you, tell me why.
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Well, I think it's probably like a personal identity, you know?
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So like if you disappeared, could somebody else come in and run the business?
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Yes, but a lot of it comes from my gut.
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Like a lot of it is, okay, I have a vision for how I want to do something, and we do it, and it's very successful and I don't know if somebody would be able to come in and
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Kind of take my vision and execute it
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and I haven't built systems in order to be able to pass
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that on to a team Yeah Well in that it's only two
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and a half years old So
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that makes sense to me you're at the point now where
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and Feel free to share the revenue if you want I'm not gonna ask
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but you're at the point right now where most likely the
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business is at a point where you need a Few more people besides yourself
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that can start actually critically thinking with you in the business
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not just you I don't know where you're at in terms of like team size.
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I have a team of 10 full-time volunteers, pretty much, which is kind of crazy because we're a nonprofit, but like people are amazing.
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And then I have one full-time staff member.
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That is amazing.
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It's like free labor.
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What's the free, what's the staff member?
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What's she do?
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I just hired her as my COO and she comes from the tech world.
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So it's really cool.
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And then, yeah, listen, volunteers are amazing.
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Like they're fantastic, but everybody gets saved somehow.
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I see this to people all the time.
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It's either attention, it's admiration, it's something.
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That's a good spiel.
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Okay, so you've got 10 full-time spieler volunteers and one COO.
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Okay, that makes sense.
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And with the business, yeah, so I think you're at a point right now where you hired a first true leader.
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You're at the point where in order to scale it, you have to get systems in place.
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So this is going to be your first opportunity, which is being able to duplicate your efforts in her.
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So how successful she is, if she's the right fit, is going to be determined by your ability to delegate and to lead,
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which is going to be the hurdle to the business from where you are today.
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This is where it starts.
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Literally at 10 people is where leadership ability becomes a problem or a solution for people.
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So that's the first thing.
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The second thing is like, and when you're asking about critical thinking and decision making, if you're constantly chasing opportunities, if you're constantly trying new things,
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testing new things, always in the execution, you have to have time set aside to think about the business.
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Do you have that right now?
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No. Like, I was so proud of myself.
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I was like, I'm going to start time blocking my tasks.
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And like, I sent it to my brother and he was like, what's wrong with you?
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Like, you are nonstop from seven in the morning until 12 o'clock at night.
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Like I have no time to like breathe.
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Yeah.
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Well, that's your own doing.
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So you're your own boss.
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If you don't have time to think, that's because you did that to yourself.
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So let's be honest, right?
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Nobody feels bad for anybody in business.
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This is true.
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Poor, you know, successful business owner doesn't have time for herself.
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I'm just fucking with you.
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Business owners are discriminated against all the time.
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Nobody gives two shits.
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I wouldn't do it for anything in the world.
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I would rather work 15, 20 hour days for myself, I'm just saying.
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100%.
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But I think you have to also realize
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that part of the work for this right now is setting aside time to think.
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It's time to be strategic, time to learn about how to think better, how to make decisions.
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There's no one silver bullet I'm going to give you on this call that's going to solve it.
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Most people, a lot of people, are like stuck in the execution cycle because you need it for the first two to three years.
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but you have to in the next in the two to four year the evolution
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that you as a founder need to make is
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that you need to learn how to plan ahead how to
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strategically think how to make critical decisions how to get space from the business physically
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and emotionally so that you can look at it objectively
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and you have to start treating your business like a product rather than treating yourself like one
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so it's up leveling one level which is looking at it like my business is is a product that I'm creating,
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which then serves a product to the global community world, whichever it might be for your nonprofit.
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But you are the designer of that product, which is your business.
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And in order to get it, I mean, the advice I would give you is like weekend trip, take two days off, disconnect, tell the COO to run the business for two days.
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You have no idea right now what you are missing out on because you're so close and entangled with your business.
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like these are not hard problems to solve as to like what to do
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and what not to do it's
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that most people don't create the space to solve them they
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continue doing what they've always done running are the hamster wheel in circles
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and they never take the time to think am i even
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running in the right direction am i pursuing the right opportunities am i doing the right thing
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and kim this is people that are running 50 100 million dollar businesses
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that i talk to that still do this that's really good advice
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and you don't have to tell me twice to go to the desert like i'm
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so I'll be able to disconnect and just go and think.
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I think the best advice I ever got from a mentor was take one day off a week.
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And he's like, I just want you to just not look at your work, email or slack.
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And I did that in the, I would say 18 months into business.
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And it was probably the best thing I ever did
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because I learned how much better I was at business from taking time off.
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You are the only person in your business who can make the biggest decisions and the most important ones for your business.
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So if you are not mentally sharp, clear, and present, who's going to make them better than you?
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If you don't know where the business is going to end up in a year or two years, who does?
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If you're not being proactive and getting ahead and thinking ahead, who is?
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Everybody else is behind you.
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The leader is always a few steps ahead.
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So in not doing this, you put the business in huge jeopardy.
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That's really, really good advice.
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Are you gonna do it though?
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I don't know Kim.
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I don't know, are you gonna do it?
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Yeah, Leila, yeah Leila, I'm gonna do it.
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Okay fine, I'm gonna follow up.
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I feel like send some fucking pictures in the desert.
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I have Alex's books and I'm like these are the business bibles.
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I tell everybody, I'm like you need to study these and learn them front to back.
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Oh that's great.
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Well when my book comes out I'll send you a copy of mine too
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and I'll tell you to chill the fuck out.
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I'm kidding.
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I would love it.
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I've been following you for years.
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No, it'll just be about systems and decision and leadership.
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That's so needed.
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When's it coming out?
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Oh, it was supposed to come out soon, but I have a baby coming out instead, so it's postponed for a minute.
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Congratulations.
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That's so exciting.
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Well, as soon as your book comes out, I want a copy.
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I'm going to get one.
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Thanks, Kim.
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All right, you're going to do great.
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Take some time for yourself.
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Go to the desert.
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Disconnect.
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Prioritize your business.
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Okay, you got it.
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All right.
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You got it. Have fun.
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I think in business, a lot of people get stuck in execution
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and they never create the space to like get out and think about what they're doing.
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So it's like they waste months executing on something that a simple decision, like why do decisions have so much leverage and it's so important?
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It's like you have reach, like one decision can make impact on your whole employee base, client base, audience.
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you have repetition which is like one decision
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that you make can be replicated by all these other people in the company um
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and then you have leverage which is like
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that one decision can do work for you when you're not working because other people are executing to the decision
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rather than you executing on something there's no amount of execution
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that can out execute an entire team executing on your one decision that you made so you making a good decision
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is really important because if 100 or 200 people in the company are going to execute on that decision, then you better make a good one because otherwise they're all doing work in the wrong direction.
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The difficulty is that so many people don't, like that doesn't click
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or they're just too caught up in like feeling like they have to be super productive by executing all the time.
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I think they miss the fact that like for me, I love being super productive, run, run, go, go.
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Like I'm a go, go person.
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That actually I realized was not what was going to serve the business anymore.
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So I was like I will not be that person anymore
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and I will change my habits
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and I actually think I've like been fairly successful in changing how I've operated
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and now I spend way more time on strategy decisions thinking
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because I'm deathly afraid that I would make the wrong decision
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and have 200 people in this company rowing in the wrong direction
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so if you do things people model it
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and they pick it up I mean it
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so much of it is just like monkey see monkey do
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like people start picking things up without you having to say anything.
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There was a time, I'll never forget this, where like someone had thrown a donut into the trash
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and they missed the trash and like the donut had sprinkles go all over the floor.
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And I was like, oh my God.
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So then I went, I was picking up all the little sprinkles from the floor and putting them in the trash.
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And then like two kids saw me that are on the team.
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And then a few weeks later, I walked into a room where people had been eating and those exact two kids are cleaning up after everyone ate.
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Why is that?
431
Because they saw me cleaning up.
432
It's a lot easier to build systems if you just live them out yourself first.
433
It's like demonstrate excellence, don't teach it.
434
You don't need to tell people what you need to do, you need to show them.
435
So that's the first step.
436
All right, next we have a LinkedIn video from Adrienne in California.
437
Hi Layla, my name is Adrienne.
438
Big fan of yours, been watching you for a few years
439
and just seeing what you and Alex have grown is really inspiring.
440
I think you've shared so many great business practices and tips and advice
441
and I think where I'm at at my phase of life is I've stepped into a new role
442
so I have career changed from running my own marketing business
443
and advertising business to you know running an ai consulting business
444
but then stepping in full time to help uh run a real estate investment
445
and development company and so you know this is a 40 million dollar company it's the ceo
446
and then it's me and helping run the team and
447
so this is a huge career change and way
448
that i focus on spending my time day to day i'm also a mom of two
449
so So navigating all of those moving parts is really interesting.
450
I probably can't even get through this video without being interrupted.
451
But in any case, I think my biggest focus right now is making sure that the team feels secure,
452
that they feel empowered to push in negotiations whenever they need to negotiate at any aspect of the business,
453
whether that's with our lenders or insurance contracts or whatever that might look like,
454
and not give up when they hear the first no. So anything that you can share on that would be greatly appreciated.
455
I want my team to feel super empowered to make decisions
456
and push through and almost as if it's like they got a little Adrian on their shoulder all the time saying like, wait, ask more questions or dig a little deeper.
457
In any case, thank you for your time and consideration and I'll talk to you soon.
458
Bye.
459
Super interesting.
460
So my name is Adrian.
461
I clearly don't know how to work an iPad.
462
So the whole thing I'm thinking is right now, this is a lesson in leadership, which is Adrian, how do you reframe the no?
463
So they would rather reject themselves
464
because they want the certainty of knowing it's going to happen rather than live in the uncertainty of trying
465
and still having the possibility of rejection.
466
So most people, if you were giving them the situation of you basically this is crazy
467
but there was some study done on like um diagnoses
468
and it was basically like
469
if you're given like a diagnosis where it's like you have a um you basically know
470
if you're gonna live or you're gonna die or
471
if you get like a 50 50 it's like more people chose like live
472
or die because they want the certainty of knowing what's going to happen next that's the same thing
473
that happens with sales people when they're inexperienced
474
which is like they lack the confidence to push on the sale to negotiate in the sale
475
to continue asking questions and digging because they don't want to possibly risk being rejected.
476
So for you, you have to reframe this for them.
477
And this is a training issue, which is how do you train a team?
478
The first thing is you define what good looks like.
479
Defining what good looks like means you're going to tell them.
480
You have a script for them.
481
It's written out.
482
They can reference it.
483
Second is you're going to demonstrate what good looks like.
484
You're going to do it in front of them, which means they're going to watch you do a sale before they do a sale.
485
The best leaders don't tell people what to do, they tell people what to do and then show them what to do.
486
So this is a situation where you need to show them
487
so that they see what it looks like to have the confidence in those situations.
488
And this doesn't just happen one time, it's going to happen repeatedly over and over again.
489
Once you've defined what good looks like
490
and you've showed them what good looks like in front of them and you've done it, then you have the opportunity where you get to watch them and provide them with live feedback on a consistent basis.
491
Only then you've earned the right to give people feedback.
492
If you haven't done those first two steps, though, you don't have the right to give feedback to people because you haven't set the expectations and you haven't demonstrated.
493
I think right now they need to watch you go through those conversations with confidence and reframe those no's.
494
I had multiple times where I was leading our sales team where I would have calls
495
and I would show them the calls that I got rejected at
496
because I wanted them to know that I was not afraid of the no's
497
and I wasn't afraid of being rejected and I didn't think it was a bad thing.
498
It was the cost of getting a yes.
499
So, a nice reframe you can also throw in there is, rather than saying, this is how many closes I want you to get today,
500
you say, here's how many no's I want you to get today.
501
You have to take the fear out of the no's and the power out of it.
502
It's not a thing to avoid, it's a thing to try for.
503
Because if you don't try and get no's, you're never gonna get a yes.
504
It's like if you don't ask a girl out on a date and have the opportunity for her to say no, you're never gonna have a girlfriend.
505
So tell them what it looks like, have a script written out, demonstrate the script, role play it for them, then watch them do it,
506
give them feedback, and continue to reframe the metrics that they are measured on for success.
507
Now we have a message from Madison who lost a partner.
508
Let's see here.
509
Dear Layla, I'm a founder who built three proof of concept simultaneously.
510
Event production for med spas just hit 24k in revenue.
511
A contractor consulting SaaS with full demo.
512
And a lead gen business launching this week.
513
All three have real traction.
514
I know I can't scale all three and stay sane.
515
But I'm getting attacked by competitors for doing too much, which has me doubting myself.
516
Here's my actual question.
517
I built these to prove I could.
518
Now I need to figure out which one is my actual business.
519
All right.
520
Well.
521
That's an interesting question.
522
Surefire way to fail is to try and pursue all of them.
523
I can promise you that.
524
It's kind of like doing anything new at once.
525
It's like, I'm going to lose 200 pounds, start a new $100 million business, and have three babies at the same time.
526
Do you think I'll do all of them well?
527
It's like, well, of course not.
528
I think it's interesting that it's like you wanted to validate all of these ideas at the same time.
529
It's like, why?
530
because you wanted to prove something to yourself, but you're still doubting yourself now.
531
So that didn't succeed.
532
So, like, let's just, let's not do things to, let's not do things in real life to try and fulfill that emotional need that will never be met.
533
It's an interesting question of, like, which to go all in on, because it's like, well, what's the purpose?
534
Why are you building a business in the first place?
535
Is it just to prove something?
536
Or is it because you want to build an empire?
537
Is it because you want to make a shit ton of money?
538
Is it because you want to have a lifestyle business that can support you traveling all over the world and doing things?
539
I cannot answer this question because I don't know what your goals are.
540
I know what my goals are.
541
If you want me to answer in the context of my goals, I could.
542
But, like, my goals are different than your goals.
543
So, you know, if you validate all these ideas, the one thing I'll also tell you is, like, validating an idea in the very short term that you did is not a true validation of an idea.
544
You need true product-market fit, which goes far beyond $24,000 in revenue.
545
That's hundreds of thousands and millions of dollars in revenue.
546
So, like, any one of these ideas could still fail.
547
The question is, which one is most aligned with your personal goals that if you failed, you would still be glad that you stuck with that one for the process of seeing it out?
548
There's no guarantees in life.
549
There's no guarantees in business.
550
You also need to just ignore competitors right now.
551
Like, wherever you go, you're going to have a fuck ton of competitors because you're starting off your small fish.
552
There's a million small fish in the pond.
553
There's only a few big fish.
554
You ain't a big fish yet.
555
So, like, wherever you go is going to have a ton of competition.
556
Okay, our next live caller is Moni from Germany.
557
Moni, can you hear me?
558
Yes.
559
Can you hear me?
560
Yeah, I can hear you just great.
561
How are you doing?
562
Perfect.
563
Great.
564
Thank you so much. Are you?
565
Why would you be calling if you were perfect?
566
I'm fucking with you.
567
Not perfect.
568
I'm originally from Costa Rica and I've spent the last five years building what seemed to be like a successful life abroad.
569
So I moved to Germany and I got my own apartment.
570
I got a great job.
571
But after those five years, I realized that it's not really the life that I want.
572
And I'm moving back to Costa Rica to live with my parents at age 28 without another job lined up.
573
Because I want to build my own business that is more aligned with who I am and who I want to be.
574
And intellectually, I know that it's the right decision, but emotionally, I am terrified.
575
I'm super scared
576
so I guess my question to you would be how do
577
you move through this fear of feeling like you're throwing away everything
578
that you've built and trust yourself enough to just take
579
that leap to start over yeah well one I just want to say that's awesome
580
that you are at a point where you've made a decision
581
and it sounds like you've realized what you want to do
582
and congratulations because it sounds like you had a great career and you showed yourself that you could build something really substantial.
583
You know, this is a catch-22, Moni, because at the end of the day,
584
the strength you need that you wish for comes from you actually taking the leap before you have the strength.
585
So if you've heard, you know, the man wishes for strength, you know, he's handed a sword in a fight.
586
So you wish for the strength that you will get after you move through this fear.
587
You don't have it yet because you haven't moved through that fear and confronted the situation.
588
So when you say, how do I gather the strength to leave behind everything I know and risk it for that business?
589
Well, you do it scared and then you get the strength after.
590
The expectation that you are going to feel ready or feel less terrified than you do right now is incorrect.
591
Now, there's some people
592
that you know just naturally are like go with the flow don't care much they can just take risks whatever
593
but like a lot of people are not
594
that way I'd say more people are the opposite
595
which is they care a lot they're really scared
596
and they're really nervous to take a big leap you don't
597
you will not earn the strength until you've actually taken the leap
598
so the unfortunate part for you is
599
that you're gonna have to do this really scared um the fortunate part is
600
that that's you're going to gain all of the skills to do the next thing is in learning to do
601
that and the seeing
602
that you're going to be totally fine like what is the worst case scenario for you
603
and to understanding
604
that one you don't need to get rid of the fear to do something two it's not actually paralyzing you
605
or stopping you your thoughts about it are
606
and three the person you become once you move through this is the person that you're trying to become.
607
So you say I want to do this, it's more in line with the person I want to be, that's what you said about moving towards this business.
608
Part of that is making this transition that you're making from this thing you know into this thing you don't know,
609
that is where you're going to gain 50% of the gains that you're going to have in this next transition season.
610
Does that make sense?
611
It makes a lot of sense.
612
Thank you so much.
613
And I think it It also gives you assurance to know
614
that I'm on the right way if I'm really scared because I am.
615
So at least now I feel more calm.
616
That being scared and doing it is a good choice.
617
Also, just listen to this.
618
Anytime you decide to make a change in life, you're going to feel scared.
619
And that doesn't even mean, and I also want to tell you this because it's going to happen, it's not going to mean that every time is the right thing.
620
Because you're going to make decisions that scare you and then realize they're the wrong decision.
621
And then you're going to have to redo and do a different decision.
622
You can't be scared of the transitions.
623
The transitions, the reason that we feel scared of those things is
624
because we can always tell ourselves what we have to lose.
625
You do not yet know all the things you have to gain, and you will not find that out unless you make the move.
626
And so our brains like to stick with what we know, so it wants to keep connecting back to the past.
627
But the funny thing is that you have
628
so much to gain in the future that your brain doesn't know how to conceptualize.
629
So it tells you to run away from it.
630
until you take a step towards that future, it's going to continue to remain that way.
631
And I want to promise you this, this is not the last decision that feels this way.
632
You're going to have many more to come.
633
And I think these decisions are going to help you become more of the person you want to be, even more than changing your career.
634
Yeah, that's totally right.
635
So what I'm hearing is, do it scared.
636
Yeah, I mean, I do shit scared all the time.
637
I'm like, I don't really know, like, you just start realizing, oh yeah, I don't die and it was fine.
638
And you have more evidence over time to say like, hey, I've survived every scary situation that I've confronted.
639
But it's not like it just goes away.
640
And the funny thing is like, I know, Moni, I know people who are, you know, billionaires, men in high power positions, and they are scared shitless of decisions that they're making.
641
It doesn't matter who you are, what you're starting with, your current position.
642
Everybody feels fear.
643
It is the great equalizer of all humans and is why we are still alive and it's what keeps us alive.
644
So it means that you're functioning correctly.
645
So we don't wanna get rid of it.
646
We just wanna learn to have a different relationship with it
647
so that it doesn't stop us from doing things that aren't gonna kill us.
648
I love that.
649
I think that's what I have to work on.
650
Like, don't let it paralyze me.
651
Well, and the thing is, how do you not let something paralyze you?
652
Because you're not paralyzed.
653
Can you move your arms and your legs?
654
Yes.
655
Okay.
656
So it doesn't paralyze you.
657
It just makes you feel really scared inside.
658
Nobody else, if I saw you on the street, I wouldn't know.
659
So it's not changing anything in your external world.
660
It's only changing things in your internal world.
661
If you decide to bring your internal experience into the external world, that is a decision that you make by how you respond to the fear you're feeling.
662
So you can choose to say, I'm gonna feel the fear.
663
I'm gonna acknowledge it.
664
I'm gonna take it with me and I'm gonna act like it doesn't exist.
665
And that is when people look at someone and they say, you were scared?
666
I can't believe it.
667
Because it's a healthy way to manage the fear, to acknowledge it exists, to say it's going to continue to exist, but I don't need to let it influence my day,
668
my actions, how I live my life.
669
Exactly.
670
I really like that.
671
Thank you so much. Of course.
672
You're going to do great.
673
Just take the leap.
674
You'll get the strength afterwards.
675
Thank you.
676
All right.
677
Bye, Moni.
678
Ciao.
679
I mean, I don't know.
680
Either she thought that was good or she was like, fuck this shit, I'm gonna leave.
681
This wasn't what I wanted to hear.
682
I think she's just looking for a nudge.
683
You know, just looking for, like, a little...
684
Everyone just wants validation, I think.
685
I was gonna say, everyone wants reassurance.
686
Yeah, reassurance. So funny.
687
I mean, is there a way you can get validation without someone external validating?
688
I think the key is to not need reassurance or validation.
689
I've literally worked on that for so long because I, like, used to be such a reassurance seeker.
690
And then, you know, I don't remember what therapist I had like eight years ago and they were like, I, they basically were like, we're removing anything that gives you reassurance about your situation or decisions.
691
So just like you do everything with like zero reassurance, including yourself.
692
It's like, if you even think about it, right, like chatty petite reassurance.
693
I really try not to use AI for things that are like, even the pregnancy, something happens.
694
I'm like, nope, AI is not a solution.
695
That's just a reassurance machine.
696
I have something serious.
697
I'll call a doctor.
698
Like, it's like, stay away.
699
Because our brains love that.
700
And then again, it's addicted.
701
It's like the reassurance addiction loop.
702
Yeah.
703
So you really have to think about your actions.
704
Like, where are you getting information from?
705
Or where are you seeking that out?
706
Yeah.
707
That's why even when I'm answering people's questions, I always like to remind them that this is going to happen again.
708
The feeling's not going to go away.
709
Because, like, I think if you give too much reassurance, you steal someone's opportunity to actually build confidence.
710
Because then they only go into the situation because somebody made them feel good, not because they felt the fear.
711
It's almost like the reassurance buffers the fear.
712
So then when they walk into the situation, they have this illusion of safety versus just walking in a situation that is not dangerous and not having the illusion.
713
You build way more confidence that way.
714
It's like a cheap thrill.
715
Yeah.
716
A lot of people, I think, also ask for reassurance validation from anyone outside of their internal personal network because they don't want to care for them.
717
I have a friend who recently just asked me for advice I gave her the advice
718
and then she went and asked ChatTPT what ChatTPT thought of her.
719
And Chat literally said the same exact thing that I did, but she somehow took that advice.
720
And I was like, if it works, it works.
721
But like, because I'm closest to her, I think she don't want to hear it.
722
It's not that actually, it's just that she's conditioned, like you, she has been so conditioned to you that you're, it's um, it's kind of like a, what do you call it,
723
like a junkie, like an adrenaline junkie.
724
You have to keep chasing another high.
725
You don't yet, you don't provide her with enough reassurance anymore because you've been so normal.
726
So it's just like it doesn't do anything.
727
Yeah.
728
It's tough.
729
Okay, now we have a voicemail from Jonathan.
730
Jonathan's in Canada.
731
Let's go.
732
Hey, Layla.
733
My question is, when does a business become predictable?
734
And to give some context, I've been starting my own business, well, trying to start my own business,
735
become self-employed for the past like three years i've tried a couple different models
736
and it feels like no matter what i do everything is just a roller coaster you know it's like one week
737
i'm on top of the world the next week i'm at the bottom and
738
you know it reaches a certain point so i was just wondering
739
when a business actually becomes consistent and predictable and um and
740
or what you could do to make it consistent and predictable uh
741
so yeah hope to hear from you
742
and either way thanks for listening um dude businesses are not predictable like the fact
743
that you did all those things in the last couple of years like no wonder you're still in the up
744
and down because it takes like three to four years to get out of one business the up
745
and down um like i would say i mean god it takes
746
when did we start acq dude it takes like four
747
or five years to get a lot of predictability in a business
748
and the bigger business you want to build the longer it's going to take to get predictability
749
which sucks even more um the difficulty is a lot of people don't give themselves the opportunity to get
750
that predictability because they think there's something wrong with not having it with having the ups and downs you should go watch, I have a YouTube video on going from zero to a million.
751
It literally talks about this.
752
It's like inconsistency is the phase before consistency.
753
You must go through the phase of inconsistency to even get
754
to the point where you ever have any amount of consistency in your business.
755
Please watch that video
756
because I literally break down step by step what you need to do to go from inconsistent to consistent.
757
Like that video will, one, you will feel very heard, but two, it will answer a lot of your questions.
758
The other thing I would suggest to you is like, I want you to download our scaling roadmap you can go to acquisition.com and there's a tab there for the scaling roadmap.
759
Go look at where you're at in it.
760
Because again, what we talk about is the amount of uncertainty.
761
And then what do you have to do to get from that place of uncertainty to a place of certainty?
762
But like, we have broken it all down.
763
And the reason we've done that is because we've done this in multiple businesses.
764
And like, what you're going through is completely normal to be expected.
765
And every time you start a new business, it has just the same amount of uncertainty as the last one, even when you have more experience, because that's just the nature of figuring things out
766
and getting a business to a of stability so there's like some things
767
that you can't skip and i don't think you'd want to
768
okay let's close with some rapid fire all right ewol how
769
does one restart after having lost everything well how do you start
770
if you haven't lost everything but you just have nothing same way
771
rania how do i stay motivated to rebuild while living on a friend's couch
772
well how would you not be motivated if you're literally living on your friend's couch Like, I'm being for real though, but like, you're on your friend's couch.
773
Like, if you don't have motivation right now, what do you mean?
774
I don't actually understand.
775
I would have, when I had to stay at a client's house on their couch, their fold-out couch, me and Alex slept on it together, I've never had more motivation than that.
776
I was like, get me the fuck out of here.
777
Maybe her couch is too comfortable.
778
We don't want no cloud couch.
779
All right, Natalie, how do I get first clients again after losing my following in a business breakup?
780
How did you get your clients in the first place, Natalie, before the business breakup?
781
You got them at one point before the business breakup.
782
You do the exact same thing.
783
Why would anything need to change just because you broke up the business?
784
How does that affect how you get clients?
785
It wouldn't.
786
So, like, you just do the same thing you were doing before.
787
People always think when something really bad happens that for some reason it changes all the things that happened before it.
788
Suddenly those things won't work.
789
That's not true.
790
You can usually do the same thing afterwards and it will still work.
791
Okay.
792
Jonathan, how do I make my business stable after years of trying different models?
793
Well, if you've spent years trying different models, that's probably why it's not stable, Jonathan.
794
Because most people, what they do is they continue to hop from business model to business model
795
because they don't have the ability to stick with one thing and improve it incrementally over time.
796
So they hop models and then because of that they're like nothing is stable nothing works.
797
I see this all the fucking time it's like It's like I don't even know what to call it.
798
It's like a fucking business hopper.
799
It's like well this doesn't work It's like it's been four
800
months like Jesus Christ You don't have a team you don't have people you don't have systems.
801
You don't even know what you're doing yet It's like you don't know what you're doing.
802
Nobody else knows what they're doing.
803
It takes time It's like even just to get one employee up to full productivity 12 months.
804
Nobody likes to hear that.
805
They're like, that's not true.
806
If they're not, yes, you're going to know in the first 90 days if they're not a player.
807
12 months though.
808
To see if a business is even viable, probably two years.
809
So like, if you don't stick with the same model for at least that long, how are you going to fucking know?
810
Nicole, how do I know if I'm building from purpose or just chasing achievement to avoid grief?
811
I don't ask myself dumb questions like that because why does it matter, Nicole?
812
I'm so sorry.
813
I'm so sorry.
814
Fuck.
815
I'm getting tired.
816
Like, what do you mean building from...
817
Like, I started my first business because I didn't want to be fucking broke.
818
And, like, it turned into something else along the way.
819
Why must we demonize and villainize building something out of negative feeling?
820
If it gets you to a more positive place where then you can have an easier time processing those negative feelings, why is it a bad thing?
821
I don't agree.
822
Dora, how do I present a decade of struggle as experience instead of a gap?
823
Um, well, you just said it's experience, not a gap.
824
So I think the first thing starts with labeling it that way.
825
I think the second thing is talking about the lessons you derived from it.
826
What did you learn during that decade of a struggle?
827
And I think the next thing is the only time an outside event affects you is
828
when you let it affect how you show up.
829
So if you do not act like you don't have confidence, if you don't act like you don't trust yourself, then I think it is irrelevant that that happened.
830
It's like when people show up and they're like, yeah, I lost my business, but they're like totally positive and upbeat.
831
It's like, all right, well, it clearly wasn't a big deal, it didn't affect them, like they're still killing it.
832
It's like how you treat the years of struggle has more
833
to do with how it affects your life than the years of struggle itself.
834
Shauna, how do I turn my dumpster fire into a real strategy?
835
You know what not to do.
836
That's what you know.
837
And if you're a dumpster fire, you know who not to be.
838
I've been a dumpster fire.
839
What you guys heard on this episode, underneath those very different stories, the questions changed in every single one of them, as did the plan. But you know what?
840
I think they're all going to do great moving forward.
841
And if not, then we're going to find out later.
842
This episode was filled with a lot of business questions that actually were not the questions that were submitted.
843
but you might have heard me talking through some of the constraints that people have while they scale their business.
844
We actually host scaling workshops at our headquarters.
845
Scaling workshop, we have a marketing workshop that might or might not be sold out by now, offers workshop that might or might not be sold out right now.
846
These are not for everybody, but if you are looking for some guidance on how to go from, you know, a million to 5 million,
847
5 million to 10 million, 10 million to 20 million, somewhere in that range, anywhere there, this might be the right fit for you.
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We check out every person that's joining us by application, so we refuse about 50% of people who apply to make sure
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that the people that are in the room are people that we can actually solve your problems.
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So if you actually would like your problem solved and your questions answered by my team, then you can tap below to learn more and see if it's fit for you.
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette leçon d’expression orale de niveau B2 s’appuie sur la vidéo « The More You Fail, the More Confident You Get ». Cette vidéo contient 850 phrases et 9993 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 49:47. Le locuteur parle vite, environ 201 mots par minute : attendez-vous à des liaisons et à des sons réduits. 87 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais, le vocabulaire est donc facile à suivre.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
Les 15 mots les plus avancés de la vidéo, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| execute verbe | /ˈɛksɪˌkjuːt/ | exécuter, mettre à mort |
| couch nom | /ˈkaʊ̯t͡ʃ/ | sofa, canapé |
| breakup nom | /ˈbɹeɪk.ʌp/ | rupture |
| validation nom | /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/ | validation |
| leap verbe | /ˈliːp/ | sauter, bondir |
| validate verbe | /ˈvæl.ɪ.deɪt/ | valider, justifier |
| dumpster nom | /ˈdʌmpstɚ/ | conteneur poubelle |
| derive verbe | /dɪˈɹaɪv/ | tirer, trouver |
| predictable adjectif | /pɹəˈdɪktəbləl/ | prédictible, prévisible |
| uncertainty nom | /ʌnˈsɜːtənti/ | incertitude |
| demonstrate verbe | /ˈdɛm.ənˌstɹeɪt/ | démontrer |
| disconnect verbe | /dɪskəˈnɛkt/ | débrancher, déconnecter |
| paralyze verbe | /ˈpæɹəˌlaɪz/ | paralyser |
| predictability nom | /pɹəˌdɪktəˈbɪlɪti/ | prévisibilité |
| competitor nom | /kəmˈpɛt.ɪ.tɚ/ | compétiteur, compétitrice |
Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| go through verbe | traverser | |
| come out verbe | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | sortir |
| clean up verbe | nettoyer | |
| figure out verbe | cerner | |
| go away verbe | partir, s'en aller | |
| show up verbe | apparaître, se montrer se pointer | |
| sold out adjectif | épuisé, complet | |
| break down verbe | tomber en panne |
Des phrases à répéter
Des phrases courtes et complètes de la vidéo, à réutiliser dans la conversation de tous les jours :
- Are you gonna do it?
- I guess I would ask, what's the job?
- What's the vision of your business?
- I don't know, are you gonna do it?
- Do you think I'll do all of them well?
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Phrases conditionnelles if + proposition, will/would + verbe — une condition et son résultat | if you failed, you would still · if you actually would like |
| Present perfect continu have/has been + -ing — une action commencée avant et toujours en cours | I've been doing · I've been working · I've been following |
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | I've derived · have pissed · have just taken |
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | is easily said · is built · should not be felt |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 370 contractions et formes réduites, comme I'm, don't, you're. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, workshop /ˈwɝk.ʃɑp/, illusion /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, predictable /pɹəˈdɪktəbləl/, uncertainty /ʌnˈsɜːtənti/, predictability /pɹəˌdɪktəˈbɪlɪti/, competitor /kəmˈpɛt.ɪ.tɚ/
Les sons difficiles pour les francophones :
- /tʃ/ et /dʒ/ — à ne pas adoucir en « ch » et « j »: couch /ˈkaʊ̯t͡ʃ/, objectively /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/, leverage /ˈlɛv.(ə.)ɹɪd͡ʒ/, acknowledge /əkˈnɑ.lɪd͡ʒ/
- /r/ anglais — langue recourbée, sans frotter la gorge: breakup /ˈbɹeɪk.ʌp/, derive /dɪˈɹaɪv/, predictable /pɹəˈdɪktəbləl/, demonstrate /ˈdɛm.ənˌstɹeɪt/, paralyze /ˈpæɹəˌlaɪz/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme execute, couch, breakup.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.