Shadowing Practice: Stop Giving Second Chances to People Who Haven't Changed - Learn English Speaking with Video
בחר מצב תרגול
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120 משפטים
אם המשפטים קצרים או ארוכים מדי, לחץ על ערוך כדי להתאים אותם.
1
I'm about to say something that nobody wants to hear a relationship or couples therapist say.
2
I understand that.
3
I know that I am not supposed to say what I'm about to say out loud, but it must be said.
4
Everybody does not deserve a second chance.
5
Say it with me.
6
Everybody does not deserve a second chance.
7
That is my opinion and I am standing on it.
8
I'm Dr. Baldwin.
9
I'm a licensed therapist and I've been a relationship therapist for a long time.
10
I know we've been told to be the bigger person.
11
We have been told that forgiveness is for you, not for them.
12
And that is true.
13
Forgiveness is absolutely for you.
14
But second chances, that's a different conversation.
15
And we're having it today because it needs to be said.
16
A second chance has nothing to do with how much work you've done on yourself.
17
Giving someone a second chance does not make you more evolved or enlightened.
18
It doesn't even make you more emotionally mature.
19
It just means that you have made a decision.
20
Making a decision is very important.
21
It needs to be an informed decision.
22
If you don't know what an informed decision means, it means your decision is rooted in information.
23
An informed decision means you are choosing something based on clear understanding of the facts, risks, benefits, and possible outcomes.
24
You are not guessing.
25
You have taken the time to gather the right information and considered all your options.
26
You understand how the choice could impact you.
27
It means that your decision is intentional.
28
grounded, made with awareness, not impulses.
29
With that said, the only thing, and I mean the only thing, that earns someone a second chance is a perspective shift.
30
Not an apology, not time, not them saying they've changed, a full perspective shift.
31
The way that they see you is different.
32
The way that they treat you has changed.
33
The way that they talk to you, talk about you, show up for you, it looks different than it did before.
34
And not only can you see it, you can feel it too.
35
You won't have to overanalyze.
36
You won't have to convince yourself of anything.
37
When someone's perspective of you has genuinely shifted, you will feel it.
38
It will be in the room with you you will feel the shift in your body.
39
But when it hasn't, when they're saying everything right, but doing everything the same, that will feel confusing.
40
That person has earned access to you again without doing the work to deserve it.
41
Access and second chances are two completely different things.
42
And giving someone access to you without a perspective shift is permission.
43
It is permission to play in your face again for the second time.
44
Giving a person a second chance who has not had the shift in how they see you
45
and treat you is a nail in a coffin.
46
That is permission to play.
47
Again, now let's say you decide to give someone a second chance.
48
Let's say the shift is real.
49
You can see it.
50
You can feel it.
51
You have made the decision.
52
You cannot hold them in contempt for something you have forgiven.
53
That is rule number one in couples therapy.
54
The only rule that matters once you open that door because contempt is a thing that poisons everything.
55
You can ask John and Julie Gottman.
56
If you don't know who they are, look them up.
57
They say contempt is one of the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown.
58
Contempt is the eye roll that says, I actually never forgave you.
59
Or the way that you bring up what they did every time there is a conflict, even when it has nothing to do with whatever you're talking about.
60
Contempt is you letting them back in while quietly deciding they'll never be able to do anything right again.
61
And that's unfair to them and to you.
62
If you decide to give someone another shot, you give them a real one.
63
You stop treating them like they're guilty until proven innocent.
64
Now, that does not mean you stop paying attention.
65
That does not mean you start ignoring red flags.
66
That means that you let them old ones go.
67
Because saying you forgive and actually releasing contempt are not the same thing.
68
A lot of couples say that they have moved on, but you can still see it in the tone.
69
The body language, the sarcasm, and how they interpret each other, that's pretty obvious.
70
It tells you that the injury is still active.
71
Contempt keeps the wound open.
72
You let that person back in, but you stayed in the place that they hurt you, which means the relationship can't actually go anywhere.
73
You're both stuck.
74
This is hard work.
75
Just know, if contempt is present, forgiveness is incomplete.
76
And if forgiveness is real, Contempt has nowhere to live.
77
Please remember this.
78
After everything that is said here, a second chance is earned.
79
It is earned by someone who holds you in the highest regard consistently without you having to ask for it.
80
If the regard isn't there, the second chance is not warranted.
81
In my opinion, if you decide to give it, you give it fully or don't give it at all.
82
Because half in holding on to contempt is one foot in and one foot out the door.
83
That's a slower version of the same hurt.
84
And you deserve better than that.
85
You deserve people who see you clearly and choose you anyway.
86
The second chances you give should be moving towards that.
87
So let me give you an example.
88
You have a friend who is chronically late to your events.
89
And this puts you in a position to not mess with them.
90
Okay?
91
So you end the friendship.
92
After a few years, you're thinking, hmm, I miss them.
93
I want to bring them back into my life.
94
And so you agree to move forward in a different path.
95
Okay, so now you have events and your friend is showing up on time.
96
And when they get there, you are reminding them of what it was like back then.
97
You're here saying, nice of you to show up on time.
98
And now the relationship is stuck in a pattern in the past.
99
You keep repeating the pattern even though they've changed.
100
This is keeping you both stuck and this is not a second chance.
101
This is punishment.
102
If you really wanted this to be a second chance, you would validate the effort to show up for you on time.
103
And then you start a new pattern of interactions.
104
Now you got the friend that you wanted all along, somebody to show up for you on time to your events.
105
And that is how we keep growing.
106
That is how we strengthen our relationships.
107
when we decide to give a second chance.
108
Now, let's be clear.
109
If your friend starts showing up late again, you should evaluate the friendship again.
110
You should evaluate to see if this is working for you and for them.
111
And if it's not, you're not obligated to give anybody a second chance.
112
So at the end of the day, this episode is not about whether or not you should give somebody a second chance.
113
It's about what happens when you decide that you want to give a second chance and if that second chance is warranted.
114
So if you're given a second chance, remember, you have to forgive so there is no contempt.
115
And that person has to show that they have changed.
116
Otherwise, you're trapped in a pattern.
117
And that's what we're trying to avoid.
118
So let me know in the comments, who are you giving a second chance and who can hit the door on the way out?
119
Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.
120
Don't let it hit you where the good Lord split you. That is, that's funny.
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אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה
שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה B2 מבוסס על הסרטון “Stop Giving Second Chances to People Who Haven't Changed”. המילים שחוזרות הכי הרבה: chance, contempt, decision, shift, relationship. בסרטון הזה יש 120 משפטים ו-1332 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 7:14. הדובר מדבר מהר, כ-184 מילים בדקה, אז צפו לצלילים מחוברים ומקוצרים. 89% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית, כך שקל לעקוב אחרי אוצר המילים.
אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה
12 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:
| מילה | הגייה | משמעות |
|---|---|---|
| contempt שם עצם | /kənˈtɛmpt/ | בּוּז |
| forgiveness שם עצם | /fɚˈɡɪvnəs/ | סְלִיחָה |
| inform פועל | /ɪnˈfɔɹm/ | הוֹדִיעַ |
| enlighten פועל | /ɪnˈlaɪtən/ | האיר |
| confuse פועל | /kənˈfjuːz/ | בלבל |
| intentional שם תואר | /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/ | בְּכַוָּנָה, מכוון |
| coffin שם עצם | /ˈkɔfɪn/ | אָרון, גְּלוֹסְקֵמָה |
| interpret פועל | /ɪnˈtɜː.pɹɪt/ | דּוֹבֵב |
| strengthen פועל | /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/ | חִזֵּק |
| apology שם עצם | /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/ | הִתְנַצְּלוּת |
| poison שם עצם | /ˈpɔɪ.zən/ | רַעַל, סַם |
| breakdown שם עצם | /ˈbɹeɪkˌdaʊn/ | התקלקלות |
משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם
משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:
- It doesn't even make you more emotionally mature.
- You won't have to overanalyze.
- You won't have to convince yourself of anything.
- Let's say the shift is real.
- You keep repeating the pattern even though they've changed.
דקדוק בסרטון הזה
המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:
| מבנה | בסרטון |
|---|---|
| הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו | I've been · we've been told · have been told |
| סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה | must be said · we've been told · have been told |
| משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר | someone who holds · people who see · friend who is |
הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה
הדובר משתמש ב-32 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו you're, don't, I'm. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.
- הצלילים של “th”: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/
- הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: intentional /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
- מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: intentional /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, apology /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/
צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:
- /æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: validate /ˈvæl.ɪ.deɪt/, sarcasm /ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/
- /r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, inform /ɪnˈfɔɹm/, predictor /pɹɪˈdɪk.tɚ/, sarcasm /ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/, interpret /ɪnˈtɜː.pɹɪt/
- עיצור קולי בסוף מילה — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ בלי להפוך אותם לאטומים: confuse /kənˈfjuːz/, evolve /ɪˈvɑlv/
איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה
- הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
- התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
- הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו contempt, forgiveness, inform.
מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?
שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.