Pratique du Shadowing: Stop Giving Second Chances to People Who Haven't Changed - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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120 phrases
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1
I'm about to say something that nobody wants to hear a relationship or couples therapist say.
2
I understand that.
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I know that I am not supposed to say what I'm about to say out loud, but it must be said.
4
Everybody does not deserve a second chance.
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Say it with me.
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Everybody does not deserve a second chance.
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That is my opinion and I am standing on it.
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I'm Dr. Baldwin.
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I'm a licensed therapist and I've been a relationship therapist for a long time.
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I know we've been told to be the bigger person.
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We have been told that forgiveness is for you, not for them.
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And that is true.
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Forgiveness is absolutely for you.
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But second chances, that's a different conversation.
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And we're having it today because it needs to be said.
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A second chance has nothing to do with how much work you've done on yourself.
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Giving someone a second chance does not make you more evolved or enlightened.
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It doesn't even make you more emotionally mature.
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It just means that you have made a decision.
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Making a decision is very important.
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It needs to be an informed decision.
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If you don't know what an informed decision means, it means your decision is rooted in information.
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An informed decision means you are choosing something based on clear understanding of the facts, risks, benefits, and possible outcomes.
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You are not guessing.
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You have taken the time to gather the right information and considered all your options.
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You understand how the choice could impact you.
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It means that your decision is intentional.
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grounded, made with awareness, not impulses.
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With that said, the only thing, and I mean the only thing, that earns someone a second chance is a perspective shift.
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Not an apology, not time, not them saying they've changed, a full perspective shift.
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The way that they see you is different.
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The way that they treat you has changed.
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The way that they talk to you, talk about you, show up for you, it looks different than it did before.
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And not only can you see it, you can feel it too.
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You won't have to overanalyze.
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You won't have to convince yourself of anything.
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When someone's perspective of you has genuinely shifted, you will feel it.
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It will be in the room with you you will feel the shift in your body.
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But when it hasn't, when they're saying everything right, but doing everything the same, that will feel confusing.
40
That person has earned access to you again without doing the work to deserve it.
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Access and second chances are two completely different things.
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And giving someone access to you without a perspective shift is permission.
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It is permission to play in your face again for the second time.
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Giving a person a second chance who has not had the shift in how they see you
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and treat you is a nail in a coffin.
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That is permission to play.
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Again, now let's say you decide to give someone a second chance.
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Let's say the shift is real.
49
You can see it.
50
You can feel it.
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You have made the decision.
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You cannot hold them in contempt for something you have forgiven.
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That is rule number one in couples therapy.
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The only rule that matters once you open that door because contempt is a thing that poisons everything.
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You can ask John and Julie Gottman.
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If you don't know who they are, look them up.
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They say contempt is one of the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown.
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Contempt is the eye roll that says, I actually never forgave you.
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Or the way that you bring up what they did every time there is a conflict, even when it has nothing to do with whatever you're talking about.
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Contempt is you letting them back in while quietly deciding they'll never be able to do anything right again.
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And that's unfair to them and to you.
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If you decide to give someone another shot, you give them a real one.
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You stop treating them like they're guilty until proven innocent.
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Now, that does not mean you stop paying attention.
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That does not mean you start ignoring red flags.
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That means that you let them old ones go.
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Because saying you forgive and actually releasing contempt are not the same thing.
68
A lot of couples say that they have moved on, but you can still see it in the tone.
69
The body language, the sarcasm, and how they interpret each other, that's pretty obvious.
70
It tells you that the injury is still active.
71
Contempt keeps the wound open.
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You let that person back in, but you stayed in the place that they hurt you, which means the relationship can't actually go anywhere.
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You're both stuck.
74
This is hard work.
75
Just know, if contempt is present, forgiveness is incomplete.
76
And if forgiveness is real, Contempt has nowhere to live.
77
Please remember this.
78
After everything that is said here, a second chance is earned.
79
It is earned by someone who holds you in the highest regard consistently without you having to ask for it.
80
If the regard isn't there, the second chance is not warranted.
81
In my opinion, if you decide to give it, you give it fully or don't give it at all.
82
Because half in holding on to contempt is one foot in and one foot out the door.
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That's a slower version of the same hurt.
84
And you deserve better than that.
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You deserve people who see you clearly and choose you anyway.
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The second chances you give should be moving towards that.
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So let me give you an example.
88
You have a friend who is chronically late to your events.
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And this puts you in a position to not mess with them.
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Okay?
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So you end the friendship.
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After a few years, you're thinking, hmm, I miss them.
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I want to bring them back into my life.
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And so you agree to move forward in a different path.
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Okay, so now you have events and your friend is showing up on time.
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And when they get there, you are reminding them of what it was like back then.
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You're here saying, nice of you to show up on time.
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And now the relationship is stuck in a pattern in the past.
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You keep repeating the pattern even though they've changed.
100
This is keeping you both stuck and this is not a second chance.
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This is punishment.
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If you really wanted this to be a second chance, you would validate the effort to show up for you on time.
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And then you start a new pattern of interactions.
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Now you got the friend that you wanted all along, somebody to show up for you on time to your events.
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And that is how we keep growing.
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That is how we strengthen our relationships.
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when we decide to give a second chance.
108
Now, let's be clear.
109
If your friend starts showing up late again, you should evaluate the friendship again.
110
You should evaluate to see if this is working for you and for them.
111
And if it's not, you're not obligated to give anybody a second chance.
112
So at the end of the day, this episode is not about whether or not you should give somebody a second chance.
113
It's about what happens when you decide that you want to give a second chance and if that second chance is warranted.
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So if you're given a second chance, remember, you have to forgive so there is no contempt.
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And that person has to show that they have changed.
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Otherwise, you're trapped in a pattern.
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And that's what we're trying to avoid.
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So let me know in the comments, who are you giving a second chance and who can hit the door on the way out?
119
Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.
120
Don't let it hit you where the good Lord split you. That is, that's funny.
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette leçon d’expression orale de niveau B2 s’appuie sur la vidéo « Stop Giving Second Chances to People Who Haven't Changed ». Les mots qui reviennent le plus souvent : chance, contempt, decision, shift, relationship. Cette vidéo contient 120 phrases et 1332 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 7:14. Le locuteur parle vite, environ 184 mots par minute : attendez-vous à des liaisons et à des sons réduits. 89 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais, le vocabulaire est donc facile à suivre.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
Les 15 mots les plus avancés de la vidéo, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| contempt nom | /kənˈtɛmpt/ | mépris, contemnement |
| forgiveness nom | /fɚˈɡɪvnəs/ | pardon |
| therapist nom | /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/ | thérapeute |
| inform verbe | /ɪnˈfɔɹm/ | informer, renseigner |
| evaluate verbe | /ɪˈvaljʊeɪt/ | évaluer |
| enlighten verbe | /ɪnˈlaɪtən/ | éclairer |
| validate verbe | /ˈvæl.ɪ.deɪt/ | valider, justifier |
| sarcasm nom | /ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/ | sarcasme |
| confuse verbe | /kənˈfjuːz/ | rendre perplexe, confondre |
| intentional adjectif | /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/ | volontaire, intentionnel |
| impulse nom | /ˈɪmpʌls/ | impulsion |
| evolve verbe | /ɪˈvɑlv/ | élaborer |
| coffin nom | /ˈkɔfɪn/ | cercueil |
| interpret verbe | /ɪnˈtɜː.pɹɪt/ | interpréter |
| incomplete adjectif | /ɪn.kəmˈpliːt/ | incomplet |
Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez
| Mot | Sens |
|---|---|
| bring up verbe | élever |
| show up verbe | apparaître, se montrer se pointer |
Des phrases à répéter
Des phrases courtes et complètes de la vidéo, à réutiliser dans la conversation de tous les jours :
- It doesn't even make you more emotionally mature.
- You won't have to overanalyze.
- You won't have to convince yourself of anything.
- Let's say the shift is real.
- You keep repeating the pattern even though they've changed.
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | I've been · we've been told · have been told |
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | must be said · we've been told · have been told |
| Propositions relatives who / which + proposition — une précision sur une personne ou une chose | someone who holds · people who see · friend who is |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 32 contractions et formes réduites, comme you're, don't, I'm. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « th »: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: intentional /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: intentional /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, apology /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/
Les sons difficiles pour les francophones :
- /tʃ/ et /dʒ/ — à ne pas adoucir en « ch » et « j »: apology /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/
- /r/ anglais — langue recourbée, sans frotter la gorge: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, inform /ɪnˈfɔɹm/, predictor /pɹɪˈdɪk.tɚ/, sarcasm /ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/, interpret /ɪnˈtɜː.pɹɪt/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme contempt, forgiveness, therapist.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.